Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with a smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all

seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can have the town, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

Boy, everything's dragging this morning. It's one of those days when you just

can't get your brain started.

Hi, guys.

Which gives certain people a big advantage.

Look at me.

My heart's pounding, my skin's aglow, I feel radiant. You know why?

You're pregnant.

No, physically fit.

Taking up jogging is the latest thing.

Yeah, people have been jogging for years.

Well, I didn't know that. I thought they were just people without cars.

I tell you, it feels good, good, good to be alive.

Ted, if you want to stay, stay, stay alive, don't yell outside my office in

morning. I'm sorry, Louie, I have so much energy.

You don't have any energy at all in the morning, do you? I don't need any. My

only physical activity is retching.

Because I'm a dynamo.

And I owe it all to jogging, Lou.

When did you take up jogging? This is my first day.

I'd better go down to the park when I get myself in the proper mood. I

don't want to look like you.

Ted, now I'm in the mood.

Hey, Mary.

This birthday party you're having for Sue Ann, would you do me a big favor?

Pick up a present for me. I am the vaguest idea what to get her.

Right. What do you get for the woman who's had everyone?

ask me to shop for you.

Please, Mary, just get Sue Ann anything that you think she might like. Here.

Here's $20.

Oh, Lou, you're so thoughtful.

Oh, look, Lou, just because it's my birthday, you don't have to go to all

trouble of going out and buying me a present.

I'll do it for you.

Will $20 be enough? Oh, $20 will be fine.

I bet you say that to all the guys.

Get yourself a nice card, too.

Something sincere.

Incidentally, Mary, do you mind if I invite someone else to the party

night? Oh, you have a date?

Oh, Mary, really? If I had a date, would I be coming to your party?

No, it's my sister, Lila.

You know the one who does the cooking show in Augusta, Georgia? Oh, yeah,

She's coming for a visit. Oh, that's nice.

Yes, she's going to spend her vacation here.

Actually, we've only seen each other a few times in the last 20 years.

This will give us a chance to get reacquainted.

Oh, you must be really looking forward to it. Yes, like cramps.

Oh, Mary, I know it's awful to talk about one's sister that way, but as far

as I can remember, I've always felt that Lila was a rival.

I used to be afraid to have boys pick me up at the house.

I feared they'd see her.

I used to have my dates pick me up on the street.

So that's how it started.

Well, come on. It's natural for sisters to have a kind of rivalry when they're

growing up, but you're an adult now.

Oh, maybe you're right.

So I was jealous of her when she was 14 and I was 19.

Right. I'm sure it'll be different now that we're both 35.

I'll get it, ma 'am.

He'll be right up. He's not as fast as he used to be before he got physically

fit.

Well, still, I have to admire him for sticking to it, don't you?

No. His legs are sore, he walks funny, and the worst part is he's so tired he

conks out in the middle of the evening still wearing his red suit.

It's like sleeping with Captain Marvel.

Hey, Ted.

Hi, Gus.

Hi, Ted.

How you feeling?

Holy... Never felt better, Lou. Never felt better. Like a little man, Marie.

I went all the jogging.

Recommend it to both of you. Yeah.

Hey, Sue Ann. Happy birthday.

Thank you, Lou.

Here's the present you got me.

Thank you.

I'll put it with the others. Oh, thank you.

Hello, everybody.

Hi, Sue Ann. Surprise!

It's not a surprise party, Georgia. She expected it.

Oh.

Expect it.

Hi, Sue Ann. Happy birthday.

Oh, thank you, Mary. I see Lila isn't here yet. No, not yet.

Well, she'd be along any time now. She had these friends in Minneapolis she

wanted to visit. Oh.

Oh, look at all those wonderful gifts.

Would anyone mind if I open them now?

I really won't be able to enjoy the party if I don't. Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Oh, and what have we here?

It's from Luke.

To the most voluptuous, exciting, desirable creature on God's earth.

Blue with admiration and lust.

I want you to meet all my friends.

And stay away from the sophisticated hunk with a hole in his sock.

Everybody,

this is my own little sister, Lila.

Lila, this is Mary. Hi, Mary.

And Georgette. Hello, Georgette. And Ted.

Hi.

Murray. Hi, Murray. And Lou.

Hello, Lou. Oh, you know, I'm just so happy to meet you all. I mean, Sue Ann

told me so much about you that I just feel at home already.

Sue Ann tells us you're from Dixie.

That's right.

My wife and I use your cups a lot.

Can I get you a drink?

Mr.

Baxter, Sue Ann tells me that you're the anchor man at WJN.

That must be very exciting.

Yes, yes, yes, really.

Really is.

You'll have to excuse him. Lately, he does this every night.

Ted, wake up.

Oh, I was having the most extraordinary dream.

I was wrestling in the mud with Indira Gandhi.

Who is she?

Lila, is this your first trip to Minneapolis?

Oh, yes.

This is the man I was telling you about, dear.

It's such a lovely city.

Do you know what I just found out?

My favorite team, the Atlanta Falcons, is going to play your Minnesota Vikings.

You like football?

Does the ham dog like possum?

I hope I can get a ticket to the game.

I've got a pair of Caesar passes.

I'll take you.

Are you sure you'd like to?

Does a polar bear like herring?

Great. Great.

Come on. Let me show you the Minneapolis skyline.

Excuse us.

Sue Ann, would you like a drink?

What's the use? Lila will probably take that away from me, too.

Oh, come on, Sue Ann. Don't talk like that. Mary, it's been this way all our

lives. Everything I always wanted, Lila took.

I was a senior in high school, pinned at the captain of the football team.

A big, blue -eyed, beautiful Adonis.

She took him away from me.

And tonight I specifically asked her to let Lou alone, and you saw what

happened.

I'm sorry, Mary, but I'm afraid there's only one thing for me to do under the

circumstances. Now, I don't mean to break up your party, but I really think

would be better all around if I went out there and pushed her off the balcony.

Come on, Ted.

If you're going my way, we can share an elevator.

Unless you want to use the stairs for the exercise.

Oh, no, no, I don't. No.

Hey, take it easy. I was just kidding.

Come on.

You all right, Mayor?

Yeah, I am. As a matter of fact, there's a program on at 8 I want to see, and

I'm late.

I just want to finish this.

Okay, Murr, last one out is up. Happy homemaker.

Hello, Murray, dear.

Oh, that color is so becoming on you.

Brings out the veins in your eyes.

I know you were on your way home, dear. I don't want to hold you. Say hello to

Marie for me. Good night, dear. See you tomorrow. I thought he'd never leave.

caught you. Now we can talk.

Yeah, well, Sue Ann, there's this program that I have that I want to only

an hour or so. Yeah, well, it's sort of a documentary. It's on at eight.

Mary, I had the most thrilling experience last night. It sheds new

Crimean War.

Do you realize how upset I was with Lila at the party? So when we got home, we

opened up to each other like we never have before, and I realized how wrong it

was to hold on to these petty little jealousies. I mean, some What if she

few things that upset me? I'm sure I do some things that upset her.

But the important thing is that she's my sister and I love her.

Sue Ann, that's terrific.

Matter of fact, the thing that kills me is she'll be leaving in a few days and

we'll have so little time together.

Oh, hi, Mary. Hi.

Guess what, Sue Ann? The greatest thing has happened.

I've been offered a chance to audition for the at -home show on Channel 10

here in Minneapolis.

Isn't that fabulous? And if I get it... We'll be together just like when we were

kids. Oh, come on. I'll buy you dinner and we'll celebrate. Oh, Lila, that's

marvelous. I'm so happy. Listen, I tell you what. You go on down. I'll meet you

in the lobby.

There's just something I have to say to Mary. Bye, Mary.

anymore. You know, these are funny.

My brother -in -law stayed out of the war because of a trick name.

My uncle stayed out of the war because of a trick nose.

A trick nose?

He couldn't smell anything.

How did that keep him out of the war?

The day he got drafted, he walked in front of a garbage truck.

Did it hurt him very badly?

No, it was part.

Oh.

It was the motorcycle that hurt him.

Right. Which he would have seen if he hadn't walked in front of the garbage

truck. Which he wouldn't have done if he could have smelled.

Which he would have if he hadn't had a trick nose.

Wasn't much of a war anyhow.

Well, I have to be going. Bye, Murray. Bye, Mary.

Bye, Kim. Bye, Annie.

Bye, Sue Ann. Bye, Sue Ann. Nice talking to you.

Got a bad knee. I can't jog anymore.

Is Lou in?

No, he's not. He took your sister to lunch before her audition.

Oh, really?

Well, I certainly wouldn't have time to chase men if I were being auditioned in

an hour.

Sue Ann, you'd have time to chase men if you were being embalmed in an hour.

Hi, Lou.

Did you have a nice lunch?

Oh, yeah. Lila and I had a terrific lunch.

We went to this little Armenian place. Food was just tops.

Your sister loved it.

Really? Lou, you know, I really love Armenian food, too.

Okay. Well, maybe sometime, when you're not busy, you can get your sister to

take you there.

Newsroom.

Oh, hi, Lila. Yes, she is. Just a minute.

Hello? Yes, dear.

Happy for... I'll see you at home, dear.

She got the job.

Hey, that's great.

Hot coconuts. I knew she'd do it.

Why are you all so happy for my sister?

You like her better than you like me, don't you? No, Sue Ann. Come on, why do

you insist on making comparisons?

Your sister's popularity has no reflection on you.

Why? It has nothing to do with you.

We like your sister strictly for herself.

She's sweet and lovely and fun to be with.

And you're not.

Swann.

Swann, wait a minute.

How insensitive can you be?

I'm talking to you guys.

What is it? A woman just left here in tears.

She's been upset for days. She has a real problem with her sister. And what

you do?

I just took her sister off for shoshlik.

But did you have to rub Sue Ann's nose in it? In the shashlik?

No! The fact that you prefer Lila's company to hers.

And you, Murray, can you never pass up an opportunity to insult her?

That's telling them, Mary.

And as for you, Ted... I've got a bad knee.

Even you should have been sensitive enough to know that Sue Ann needed our

sympathy. I just can't believe how callous you all were.

I'm going to call her up right now, and if she's not busy, we are marching up

there to apologize.

You're right, Mary.

We should all be ashamed of ourselves.

Hi, may I speak to Sue Ann, please?

She... What?

She did... Okay, thank you.

Sue Ann just told the station manager that she's not going to do her show

She went home in a state of deep emotional depression.

Okay, now you've upset her to the point where she can't do her show. What are we

going to do now?

Maybe we can get a sister to fill in for us.

No, no, I would have remembered this.

Oh, Mary, if these walls could talk.

Who cares? That's all over now.

Everything's finished.

Sue Ann, I know you're upset, but how could you walk out on your show like

Everyone's so worried about you.

Don't be ridiculous.

Nobody misses a vain, selfish... egotistical, middle -aged shrew. Of

course we do.

We all miss you. Murray, Ted, Lou.

Sure, sure.

Well, my, my, just look who stopped by to pay you a visit, Sue Ann.

Hi, Sue Ann.

Hello, Murray.

I'm sorry you're not...

I hope you come back to the station real soon.

You won't even go on a couple of hours, and I've missed you already.

Why? You have nobody to insult?

No, I've still got Ted.

But it's not the same.

With you, it's a fair fight.

With Ted, I could win a battle of wits without even showing up.

Love your bedroom, Sue Ann.

Did you decorate it yourself?

Did you have a sex maniac come in?

Very droll, Murray.

Hey, Sue Ann, I just zinged you. Don't you want to zing me back?

Sue Ann.

Sue Ann, look.

Look at this.

What do you see?

A kind, sweet, and gentle man.

We're going to get you the best doctor in the world.

Well, well, look who else is here.

Sue Ann?

You remember Ted from the movie?

Of course.

How have you been, Ted?

Oh, swell, swell, Sue Ann.

What a great bedroom, Sue Ann.

I just came to tell you that I'm sorry about what I said in the office before.

Ted, don't.

You know how it is, Sue Ann. Sometimes you say things you don't mean.

I'd really feel terrible if I did anything to make you leave the station.

back to work soon.

We all really miss you.

Me, Sue Ann.

Come sit beside me.

I hope you didn't misunderstand about my taking Lila out. The only reason I

wanted to show her a good time is because she's your sister.

There's no point in lying, Lou.

I know I'm a loser.

That's not so.

Well, then tell me one good thing about me. Anything at all.

Well...

You're

attractive. Very attractive.

You bet.

Glamorous?

You're real glamorous.

Sexy? Provocative?

A tawny, sensual beast?

Yes, a beast.

A sensual beast.

Joanne, come on back to work.

Yeah, we really miss you. We are places in the same one, aren't you?

Sue Ann, do it for us.

I don't know if I'll ever work again.

I think I'd rather just spend the rest of my days here in solitude with my

memories, my vibrating bed.

Hi, y 'all.

Oh, Minnie Pearl is home.

Yeah, but you were feeling fine when I went out to take the job this morning.

Sue Ann, does this have anything to do with what we were talking about the

night?

Of course not.

Sue Ann, be honest with me.

Are you unhappy because I'm taking this job here in Minneapolis?

Me unhappy?

Because if you are, I don't care how wonderful the job is or what a great

opportunity it is for me or how much it pays.

You'd give up this job on Channel 10 if I asked you to. You care that much about

me? Of course I do.

You're my only sister, and I love you.

You just say the word, and I'll go over and tell those people at Channel 10 that

I don't want their silly old job.

I'll go over there right now.

Oh, Lila, dear.

You don't have to do that.

You can call them from here.

to do your show and we have a new show to play.

Let's go.