Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after long.

Mr. Grant's just making cuts in your coffee. Cuts?

Yeah, well, Murr, the new station owner, Mr. Wessel, sent us a 12 -page memo

saying he wants the news to be brief.

From now on, we can't have a story run more than two lines unless there's film

to go with it. Well, that's impossible.

Yeah, well, I thought so, too, but Mr. Grant's doing it.

Yeah, but that's crazy.

Look, take that story about the bus strike. You know, with the mayor arguing

night with the bus company and the union, and finally coming up with an

an additional 85 cents an hour, and having the union turn it down and reject

And how it looks like we won't have any public transportation for months? Well,

how are you going to write that story in two lines?

Mayor talks, union balks, public walks.

Lou, Lou, what are we running here, a newsroom or a telegraph office?

I mean, a guy buys a station, and right away he acts like he owns it.

You going to let him get it right with us?

Murray, I hardly know the man.

With the previous owners, I could step down to the bar and talk things out, but

this guy doesn't even drink.

And there's no reasoning with a fanatic.

Lou, look, we gotta stand up to him. I mean, we have a good show here. I mean,

shouldn't that him ruin it? Come on, Murr, come on, calm down. Now, we've

through this kind of thing before.

You know how it is, a new owner comes in and wants to feel he's making a

contribution, so he starts throwing his weight around. It'll pass.

Sure, sure.

Why... I remember when I was working for the Detroit Free Press.

A new boss came in and insisted that we all wear ties.

So we got even. One morning, we all came in wearing brand new neckties and

nothing else.

Want the picture clearly?

Yes, clearly.

There we were, all 14 of us, standing at our desks. Standing?

Well, those metal chairs were cold.

Anyway, the boss came in and... Took one look.

Believe me, she never asked us to wear tie.

Oh, there you are, headline hunter.

I just finished taping my special, The Joy of Cheese.

And I brought you a tempting mouthwatering morsel.

At least you're all busy with the news.

Yeah, Sue Ann, we're not hungry. We're just busy.

As a matter of fact, we're too busy to... You know what? We're never too

for cheese.

We did a panoramic treatment of world cheese.

Runny brie, tangy camembert, loathsome Limburger.

You should see my studio.

It's a smelly wonderland.

I want you all to come down there.

I have a table spread with gourmet fromage. I'll decant a few bottles of an

amusing little off -year Bordeaux.

The blend of vintage wine and aged cheese is one of nature's exquisite

mysteries.

Besides, we can all get hammered.

How about it, Lou?

Joanne, I really love to, but...

Mary, how about you? No, I don't think so, Sue Ann. I mean, it just doesn't

right to gorge on cheese when there are, you know, mice going to bed hungry.

Come on, Mary, you'll love it. One of the cheeses is bland, American,

by human hands, not unlike you.

Oh, Mary dear, I have never taken no for an answer.

Or given it.

Honey, do you still feel terrible about them cutting your coffee? Look, I don't

want to talk about it, Marie. I don't think people should bring their work to

bed. With the possible exception of Masters and Johnson.

Anyway, I'm all set for a wonderful evening. I mean, I got my favorite Marx

Brothers movie on. You want to watch it with me, honey?

Oh, I don't know. I'm kind of interested in my book.

Okay. You're going to miss a great one.

Oh, hey, they've come to my favorite part already.

This is where Groucho sings Captain Spaulding.

I love this more than anything.

Didn't he sing it good tonight, honey? They cut it.

That weasel Wessel cut the best part of that Mox Brothers movie just so he could

sell another commercial. You know, that guy gets crazy.

Not only is he ruining my work, now he's ruining my pleasure.

Now, what do I do?

What do I do? Do I just keep taking it?

Do I just keep taking it, or do I draw the line someplace?

Well, what are you doing?

I'm drawing the line, Marie. I am drawing the line.

anything, shouldn't you think about it? No, I don't want to think about it,

because if I think about it, I won't do it, and this I want to do. Hello?

Hello, Mrs. Wessel?

I'd like to speak to Mr. Wessel, please. This is Murray Slaughter from the

newsroom.

He can't be disturbed?

Well, look, I'd like to leave him a message, please.

Tell him, tell him, not only is he ruining any sense of journalism we have

the station, but now he's screwed up a Marx Brothers movie.

Tell him I think that he is the worst kind of...

Stupid Neanderthal. I've never been my... Oh, I'm sorry if I'm going so

I think he's the worst kind of

Neanderthal. No, I don't know how to spell it. Change it to dumb.

Worst kind of dumb idiot I've ever met.

Thank you very much.

Yes, it's been nice talking to you, too.

Now what do I do?

I'm wide awake. I'm all stirred up. And who can I talk to?

You know, that's what's wrong with the whole world these days.

The guys up there, they don't want to give you an answer. Nobody wants to

any responsibility.

Who's the little man supposed to turn to for satisfaction?

How about the little woman?

talk to you.

You knock too loud, Mary.

I never noticed it before.

You have a very harsh knock.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll try not to do that. You should knock gently.

In fact, on a morning like this, you should just sort of rub the door.

Okay, I'll try that. Rub it gently. Gotcha.

Okay, Mr. Grant.

How under the weather are you?

Oh, when I took off my pajamas this morning, I found my suit on underneath.

What did you do last night?

I helped Sue Ann finish off that cheese.

You did?

Yeah, there were 16 varieties.

And each one had to be washed down with wine.

An interesting effect.

Towards the end, I discovered that I could speak fluent French.

I was having a little trouble with English.

Well, I'm really sorry I missed that. Oh, no, don't be, don't be.

You want to know what my mouth tastes like this morning?

Not particularly.

Picture, if you will, the rope -soled sandal of a French swineherd

for a hot day in August.

Back at me for knocking too loudly on your door. While the flies... Okay,

I'm really sorry that you're not feeling too well.

But I wanted to talk to you about Mr. Wessel.

It has made me feel worse. He has now got something he calls a personnel

utilization chart, which I am supposed to fill out each day.

He's a jerk. He's worse than a jerk.

Yeah.

Uh, this is Lou Grant.

Okay, I'll hold for him.

It's Wessel.

Well, you see, that is so impolite. He called you. Why should he make you hold

for him?

Give me that phone.

Hello, Mr. Wessel.

One moment. I'll see if he's in.

working here.

What do you mean not anymore?

Mr. Crane, what is it?

He did what?

Oh, no.

Listen, Mr. Wessel, there must be some mistake.

That doesn't sound like Murray.

No. Listen, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll talk to him and have him call you

back. But believe me, it must have been somebody else. He's just not the type.

Believe me, it simply could not have been Murray.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Goodbye.

What is it?

That son of a gun, Murray!

What did he do?

He called Wesley home in the middle of the night to chew him out about

something. Murray did that?

Isn't that wonderful? That Murray is a real man.

Now, what he did took real guts. Yeah, that's terrific, but what's he going to

do now?

Bet for forgiveness.

Murray, I want to ask you a question. I've got a 16 -cheese headache, so don't

play games with me.

Did you call old man Wessel at home late last night and try to pick a fight?

Yes, yes, I did, Lou. You did, old man Wessel?

The high command, El Sobrino?

Yeah.

You called him at home, woke him out of a sound sleep to pick a fight?

Hot spit, Marie.

I didn't think you had it in you.

Well, he just called. He wants to fire you.

Mind you, I'm not saying I condone your actions.

Marie, what ever possessed you?

Well, the last straw was when he cut the late movie.

You called him over a movie?

That was... Irresponsible behavior.

Childish and irresponsible.

It wasn't the Three Stooges, was it?

No. Well, then it was really childish and irresponsible.

He's right. I realized that this morning. Now, Lou, what should I do?

Just apologize.

Tell him you're sorry.

Ask him to forgive you.

Are you telling me to crawl?

No.

Beg.

Beg? Yeah. I'm not going to beg any man for a job.

Mr. Wessel, please, this is Murray Slaughter in the newsroom. Murray, don't

crazy. Hello, Mr. Wessel.

I understand you have certain complaints about a phone call you received last

night, and I... I... I don't blame you.

No, I don't know who would do a crazy thing like that.

I understand they're not even using my name.

Yes, well, I can understand how you would feel that way, sir.

Uh -huh, and, uh, yes.

Yes, I would, too.

Well, I'm very happy we cleared this up, and it's very nice to talk to you, sir,

and just keep up the good work.

It was the thing to do, Murray.

Absolutely. I mean, this wasn't a joke anymore. He's a powerful man.

I'm with Murray. He might very well have fired you. And you've got to think of

your family first.

You did the right thing, believe me. Right.

That's exactly what I would have done, Murray.

I wish you hadn't have said that, Ted.

Mr. Wessel, again, please. This is Murray Slaughter. No, Murr, don't. No,

Ted was just... He did this. Murray, don't. Mr. Wessel, I was lying a minute

ago. I did make that phone call.

Now, look, I know it probably showed bad judgment on my part, but you have to

understand, I was really upset.

Yes,

I understand.

Well,

thank you for talking to me.

What's that?

Well, he said that it's all right for me to say whatever I want to say to him

today, but it wasn't last night. Oh, that makes sense. Last night you called

at home.

And last night you called him pretty late.

And last night I was still working for him.

Murray, this will work.

It's not going to be your last day. Mr. Grant is in there talking to Wessel

right now. Now you know he's going to straighten everything out.

So long, Mary.

Mary, I did everything.

I even called him sir.

The last guy I called sir was Pat.

That was only after he slapped me.

Well, all I can say is...

You two were the greatest.

No, no, no, no, no.

Save that speech, Slaughter.

I'm going to wear the guy down.

You'll be back here in a few days because basically it was just a little

misunderstanding. You'll see. Wessel will change his mind. Just a difference

opinion. People have these disagreements all the time and they forget them

quickly. For example, last week, Mary and I had a big argument over nothing.

Some feature story. Dumb argument. That's right, Mr. Grant. That's a

example.

Afterwards, Mary admitted that she was wrong, said that she was sorry, and that

was that. Finished, forgotten, over.

Well, that's not exactly right. Why isn't it right?

Well, I said that I was sorry we had the argument. You know, I didn't say that I

was, you know, wrong.

Well, you were.

I think the question of right or wrong entered into it. The question of right

wrong didn't enter into it because you were wrong.

That's why it didn't enter into it.

simply a case of tabling the argument. Oh, we didn't table anything.

You lost.

Why can't you admit it when you're wrong? I wasn't wrong, Mr. Grant, and

because you can yell louder than I do doesn't make you right. Will you guys

arguing? Is this any way to say goodbye to me? No, it's not goodbye.

I thought at least you'd give me a little hug.

I choked back a few tears. Oh, come on. You know, make your voice tremble the

way you do.

And, Lou, I thought you'd be clapping me on the back, telling me everything was

going to be okay, and then... Biting his knuckle? Right.

I mean, aren't you even going to do that for me? No, Murray, because you're

going to be back here in a few days.

Of course you are.

Well... So long.

So long.

See you soon.

Mr. Quinn.

Everything's gonna be okay.

why am I just dropping in like this, but I really wanted to talk to you. Well,

look, you don't have to make an excuse for dropping in. Marie and I love it. We

never have any surprise visitors.

Well, I mean, ordinarily, I wouldn't just drop in, you know. Oh, hi, Mary.

my gosh, what a surprise. Come on in, sit down. You know nobody ever drops in

us.

How are you, Marie?

You know, Mary, I used to think that having Murray around the house all the

would drive me crazy, but it's just wonderful.

I'm not at all tired of having him around.

I won't even hum one day.

seems so much longer.

Now, who do you suppose that would be? Nobody ever drops in on us. So you

mentioned.

Hi.

Cheer up, welfare family. We'll leave it at that.

Hello, Marie.

Hi, Sue Ann. Hello, Mary.

Hi. Sue Ann, what are you doing with... Now, Marie, you and I may have had our

differences in the past, but I believe friends should be supportive.

Now, you're facing unemployment, and I have a studio full of... Slightly used

food.

Sue Ann, we can really get our own food.

Oh, plucky little spouse.

Just what have you brought these plucky little people, Sue Ann?

Enough escargot for an arm.

Doilies from my macrame special.

A couteau, half a squid.

The leftovers from my 31 things you can do with tapioca.

out of 32.

Oh, good.

A crisis really brings out the best in people.

I bet you were great in the San Francisco earthquake.

Now, who do you suppose that could be?

They never have visitors.

Oh, hiya.

What's the occasion?

Well, we figured this was a time for a guy's pals to rally around him.

Right. Hi, Marie.

Hi, Lou.

Hi, Marie.

Hi, Marissa.

Hi.

Well, can I get anybody anything?

Some squid?

Doily?

You know what?

It just occurred to me that we're all coming over here to help, and the place

where we really could have helped is back in the office.

Well, how do you mean, love? I mean, what's happened to Murray could happen

any of us.

You know, that's absolutely right.

I mean, we all have a stake in this.

If Murray can be fired... For making just one tiny little error, well, then,

where is the security for the rest of us? Now, Mary's right, but look, this is

my fight, and I don't want you to get involved.

Mary's right.

Listen to Mary. We can learn a lot from Mary. Good thinking, Mary.

Now, Mary's right.

It's everybody's fight. You know what else I think? I think we should give Mr.

Wessel an ultimatum. If Murray goes, then we all go.

Well, look, that's a wonderful thought, Murray, but you just can't do that.

Yeah, Murray's right. It can't be done. It just can't be done.

It's bad planning. It's poor thinking.

It's just bad.

Pat, sit down and shut up.

Wessel can't take my news right here and fire him just because of one lousy

phone call.

Murray, honey.

We have the greatest friends in the whole world. Well, I know that, but I

want them to lose their jobs because of me.

Well, it's too late now.

We're all in this together.

Right?

Absolutely. Murray goes, we all go.

Right? Oh, right.

Ted?

I'm marrying myself before you guys because I just want to not do anything

you. But I just got married.

I mean, I've got responsibilities, Lou.

I mean, you don't know the whole truth. Otherwise, you wouldn't ask me to risk

my whole job.

I'm not as young as I told you I was.

Your jets, folks, have no money.

I mean, so where would I turn?

So where would I go, Lou?

I don't want to go back to being a disc jockey. I can't talk fast enough

anymore.

Please.

Please.

Don't make me do it.

Please.

Okay, Ted. Ted, we'll try to do it without you.

So what's to eat?

Okay, all set.

Now listen.

Brace yourself.

It may get a little rough up there.

When Lou Grant gets in a fight, the gloves are off. I don't know how Wessel

react. He may yell and scream.

We'll yell and scream.

He may get ugly.

We'll get ugly. He may threaten violence. He may even send in his goons.

We'll send in our goons. I told you I'm not going.

Do you really have goons?

No. I was just saying that to make sure that you were ready for anything.

Oh. But don't worry, he doesn't scare me.

The only one who should be scared is Wessel because we're not just

to quit.

We're not?

No, we're going to hit him with both barrels.

I'm going to accuse him of stuffing commercials down the public's throat, of

violating the First Amendment with censorship. I'm going to file a

with the FCC.

He's not just dealing with a couple of cub reporters, Mary.

I'm going to make this a constitutional issue.

I've got friends.

Well, you see the publicity we're going to get.

We're going to be on the front pages, maybe Time magazine. I wouldn't be

surprised if we ended up on national television.

I can't let you two go into this alone.

Let's go see that capitalist pig.

What about your responsibilities? What about your wife?

So, she'll have to get a job. Big deal.

Let's go meet the foe.

We've got to stick together on this.

Like the three musketeers, Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

They were ducks.

The three musketeers were ducks?

Come on, let's get going.

Yeah? Hold it, Mary.

Yeah, Murray.

You did?

No kidding?

That's great!

That's great!

Okay, I'll see you in an hour. What?

We don't have to stick our necks on the line.

Murray got together with Wessel. He got his job back. Oh, Mr. Grant, that's

terrible.

Ted. What? We got to stop Ted.

Wessel for four hours.

It's okay, Mary. It's okay.

It's okay. I think Ted might have become a man today.

I guess once he got started, there was no stopping him.

Boy, I thought Murray had guts.

Yeah, but it could end up just like Murray. No, no, no. Wessel can't fire

Ted has a long -term contract.

He must be enjoying a good fight.

But for four hours, Mr. Grant, what can Wessel be doing to him for four hours?

Hey, you guys, I haven't got all day. Are we going to talk to Wessel or not?