Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

It's none of my business, but... It's a little early to be drinking scotch,

right? Right.

But I'm not drinking it.

I have a toothache.

And a dentist, a man with a degree, instructed me to take some scotch and

it on my tooth.

That is not drinking scotch.

This is drinking scotch.

Lou, I'm glad I caught you before you left. Wait a minute.

I'm not finished.

You ask me a question, I'm giving you an answer.

Notice the difference now.

This is not drinking scotch at 9 o 'clock in the morning.

See, I'm holding it on my tooth to reduce the pain.

How can you do that and talk?

I must have swallowed it.

I got to get to the dentist.

Lou, I got to ask you something. Anything you have to ask, ask Mary.

Whatever she says goes.

When I'm not here, she's in charge.

And I'm going to the best dental appointment in my life.

Hi. Hiya, Gus.

Come on, will you, Ted?

Trying to make up my mind. Look, if you want in on the football pool, you gotta

do it now. There are only two squares left.

Oh, no, please, not the football pool. Guys, I've got work to do.

Okay, I'm in. How much? Fifty cents apiece. I'll take one. Ted, it's a lousy

fifty cents. Go crazy. Take both of them.

You're talking a whole dollar, Murr.

Only takes one square to win.

Luck be a lady tonight, daddy needs a new pair of shoes.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, William, William, Trimble, toe.

Wire, wire, limberlock.

Three geese in a flock. One flew east, one flew west, one flew over the

nest.

My mother told me, oh, you teach me how to talk, you teach me how to describe

you. I'll take this.

It's about time.

I only did that to get your goat married. Did I get your goat? Yes, Ted,

my goat.

I got her goat married.

Wait a minute, you've got a public service spot. Let me give you the copy.

Oh, what is it this time?

TBVD1.

It's the Big Sisters Association for Juvenile Delinquents. Sorry, Mary, I

do diseases.

It's a very worthy cause. It's helped a lot of troubled kids. It's not going to

kill you to donate a little free time.

Oh, yeah? And what are you doing? I don't see you donating any time. I'm

producing the spot.

Oh, big deal. Big contribution.

If you really thought it was worthwhile, you'd be out in the streets helping

those kids.

Well... As a matter of fact, I've been thinking seriously about getting a

sister. Thinking seriously, Mayor? Yeah. Well, now, I've been thinking seriously

about becoming a plastic surgeon so that I can help tattooed people start a new

life.

You know something? You're right. I'm going to stop talking about it, and I'm

going to start doing something about it. I'm going to call the big sisters

today. You are?

Because of what I said? I talked you into it? Yes, Ted.

Gee, you have no idea what that means to me.

Nobody ever listens to me.

Sometimes when I say something in a room, nobody listens.

But it's all changed now.

You have no idea how good that makes me feel, Murray.

What?

Nothing.

Look, are you really serious about this big sister thing?

Yeah, why?

Well, not that you wouldn't be a good influence on the kids, it's just that

taking in a juvenile delinquent might be a lot to handle.

I know.

But, Mary, these girls have been around. You don't know what kind of trouble

they've been in. I mean, some of these girls may have dated heavily.

What are you trying to say? That I haven't lived enough? That I'm too naive

be a big sister?

Well, let's face it, Mary. You are not what I would call an experienced woman.

Mary!

You have no idea how experienced or inexperienced I am.

I mean, sure, true, I'm not what you'd call a wild woman, but I'm hardly

innocent.

I might not have been around, but I've been nearby.

Okay, man.

I just wanted you to know what you were getting into.

Hi, Mary. Hi, Murray.

Hi, Gus. Hey, guys, we got to get moving on this helicopter deal. I mean, holy

cow. If we don't buy that baby soon, we're going to miss out on a bargain of

century. Yeah, Gus, we got your memo about it. When I was directing for

6, having our own helicopter was the greatest. I mean, for forest fires,

tornadoes. Without aerial shots, those things are a disaster.

You really think it's a good deal, huh? Are you kidding? Holy smoke.

Helicopters sell for $150 ,000. We can get this one for $95 ,000.

Hello, I'd like to talk to somebody about the Big Sisters program. I just

to know, don't you think it's a good idea to get a helicopter?

Hello, my name is... Mary, in a few years it'll pay for itself. What is it,

Do you agree about the helicopter?

Yes, sir. we should have a helicopter.

Terrific! Hello, my name is Mary Richards, and I'd like to talk to

about getting a little sister.

Right. Listen, um, I think I should mention that I haven't had a whole lot

experience in this area, and I was sort of wondering if you had a girl who

hasn't done, uh... Well, a girl, you know, who hasn't been... Listen, would

you have a girl who's just sort of cranky?

have just been nominated Twin Cities TV Woman of the Year.

What year?

I had to send them a resume and I was hoping someone would type it for me.

on, Sue Ann, you can type.

Oh, I know, but it's so difficult with these fantastically long nails.

Gee, I always thought they were retractable.

I don't suppose you could help me. Come on, Sue Ann, I have to get the story

finished.

At least look it over, couldn't you? I mean, after all, you're a writer.

You have a way with words.

You have such a facile command of the language.

You really know how to sling it.

Let's see.

Celebrity chairman of the Junior Red Cross volunteered 120 hours to the

Youth Fellowship. Hey, I didn't know you did that.

Neither did the Baptists.

other unselfish things have I done to aid mankind?

Did you include the time the Shriners were in town?

Oh, Mary.

I'm going to let that remark go now.

It may hurt you very deeply later.

Oh, Mary,

I am so sorry. I don't know how they could have passed you over. Maybe

year. Uh, Sue Ann has been nominated for TV Woman of the Year.

And you weren't.

What? Congratulations,

Sue Ann. Are you bitter?

No. Oh.

So, how did things work out at Big Sister's? Terrific. They put you through

kind of screening process, and I guess I passed because I've got a little

sister. What's she like?

Well, we were just sort of introduced. We didn't get a chance to talk too much,

but she's 15.

Bright, cute as a button, and out on probation for shoplifting.

What was the name of this group, Mary? The Big Sisters.

Big Sisters. That would be the perfect thing for me to do to clinch the award.

And I'd be wonderful at it. I had an ideal relationship with my own sister.

And it wasn't easy.

Naturally, she resented being the ugly one.

I had to mention the Big Sisters, didn't I? Now, because of me, some poor,

underprivileged kid...

He's going to be forced to learn how to cook a quiche.

Hey, Mary, we got it. Hey, got what?

The helicopter.

Thanks for the go -ahead, Mary. Smart move.

You really took it? I mean, Mary, you really bought it? That was a big

Wait a minute. Only Mr. Grant can make a decision like that.

I... But Lou said you were in charge, and you said get a helicopter.

I was in charge?

Yeah, didn't you know Lou had to go to the dentist this morning?

Gus, I had no idea.

You asked me if I agreed that we should get a helicopter, and I said, yeah, that

was an opinion, not a decision.

Look, Mary, the deal's been made. You got yourself a whirlybird.

A helicopter?

What's Mr. Grant going to say?

I don't know.

You want to fly over to his dentist and find out?

I love what you're doing to your new apartment, Mary, but it's funny. The

time I was here, the ceiling seemed higher.

Probably because you weren't standing on a chair then.

You're probably right.

I can help with before Francine comes? No, no, everything's fine.

Except me.

To tell you the truth, I'm not quite sure how to act. I've never had a

Neither did I.

And I was lonely, so I made up an imaginary sister.

Dottie. She taught me how to tap dance.

are going to the movies this afternoon, and I have to go home and make the

popcorn. Oh.

Well, have fun.

Bye -bye. Bye, Francie.

Well, hope you didn't have any trouble finding the place. I tried to call to

if you needed a ride. My probation officer dropped me off. Mr. Cooper, very

man. He's a creep.

Well, how about some lunch? You like hamburgers? No.

fish. Ah, chicken salad.

And I've got frozen pizza.

Got any grass?

I've got sardines.

Well, we can have lunch later.

So, so, you're in high school.

Yeah.

You like it?

Oh, it's better than having a lit cigar stuck up your nose.

Still shows, huh?

Probably dated the football captain.

Oh, well, no, he was only the quarterback.

Made good grades, too, right? Yeah, I was terrible at math.

Yeah, I know your type.

Never late, never absent, never getting loaded, never getting busted.

A real Susie cream cheese.

Francie, could I make a suggestion?

What? Knock it off.

It may not seem that you and I have a lot in common, you know, but why don't

give it a chance?

You might even get to like me. Compared to what?

and this is Francie Stevens.

Hi. Oh, you girls should have a lot in common.

She's a delinquent, too.

Celestine and I were just on our way to the movies. Would you care to join us?

Well, uh, maybe some other time, Sue Anne. See, uh, Francie and I were just

of getting to know each other.

What a good idea. We'll do that, too.

Celestine, can I get you something?

Oh, no, thanks. I have these.

Hey, you want some? Sure. I love reds.

Girls, what you do on your own is one thing, you know, but when you're here,

afraid I'm going to have to put my foot down. I'm sorry, but I just don't go for

that kind of thing.

You don't go for Tic Tacs?

Hi. Oh, hi.

I was just trying to type you a thank you note for letting me hang out here

the last few days. Listen, I'm just sorry I didn't get a chance to spend

time with you, but what with my boss out with a sick tooth and everything, I've

really had my hands full. Hey, Mayor, did you hear? I won the pool.

Where's Murray?

He'll be back in a few minutes.

Hi, Francie.

Francie, I've been meaning to give you a little advice.

Just because you've been in trouble is no reason to be ashamed.

And everybody deserves a second chance, so make the most of it.

Because it may not seem like it now, but there are wonderful years ahead.

For example, just think, in three or four years, you'll be old enough to date

me.

I'll try and remember that, Mr. Baxter. Good.

I'll see you tonight at 7 .30, right, Mary? Right, see you then. Okay, bye

Bye. Hey, I was just looking at your helicopter, Mary.

Gus, will you please not call it mine?

They said they were going to bring it over later this afternoon. Where do you

want to keep it?

I don't know. Can't it just hover?

Hey, Murray. Murray, where's my money?

In my top left -hand drawer, Ted.

Was that a camera left or a reel left?

Left, Ted.

It's not here, Murray.

What do you mean it's not there? It's got to be there. I just put it there.

It's not there.

Somebody stole my money. Oh, Ted, that's ridiculous.

Oh.

Oh, I know what you're thinking.

Well, you're just wrong.

Francie doesn't steal money from desks. She happens to be a shoplifter.

Speak French to food, it tries harder.

Would you like to say something?

I don't think so.

Salad looks bad, Barry.

How can it look bad, Sue, and everything's fresh?

Barry.

say those threads are bad.

Get it? Sure.

Sue Ann, your show is really bad.

Thank you, Mary. That's very sweet of you.

Oh, Celestine and I are having such fun together.

Last night we went to a double feature, Shaft and Superfly.

Oh, it was wonderful watching him stick into the honkies.

and sharing some of her cultural and social upbringing with you.

Oh, silly me, but of course she is.

She stole Ted's money.

Sue Ann, you don't know that.

Well, Mary, just because you blew it with Francie, you don't have to take it

on me. I didn't blow it with Francie. I'm just trying to figure how I'm going

ask her about the money.

Well, you don't have to worry about it. I know the perfect way to ease into it.

No, Sue Ann, please. It's between Francie and me. I really don't...

Mary. Let me help you.

They always relate better to people closer to their own age.

is to tell something that we've done that we now regret.

Who'd like to go first?

Celestine.

Well, okay.

I lied to you.

You see, this is just the kind of thing we're after.

Now, what was the lie?

Well, I lied to you when I said that the kids thought that your show was the

hippest thing since Soul Train.

Well, that's all right, dear. I don't mind.

to a different drummer.

Oh, I love being a big sister.

All right, Mary, it's your turn. I don't want to play.

Oh, Mary.

Come on, just tell something that you did that you now regret.

Okay. I bought a helicopter without...

I guess it's no secret that I was a child prodigy.

I was reading cookbooks at two.

I started pickling at six.

When I was 12, I was quite heavily into sauces.

On my 13th birthday, I wanted to bake my first walnut cake.

But we didn't have any walnuts.

So I went down to Mr. Mac's grocery store.

And I stole a whole bag of them.

Oh, the next day I was so ashamed, I went back to confess.

But it was too late.

Mr. Mack had died during the night.

And I just know it was God's way of punishing me for taking those photos.

Oh, Francie, dear, it's your turn.

I don't want to play. I think it's a stupid game.

All right, dear, then why don't we just chat?

Francie, did you steal the money out of Murray's desk? No!

Well, how else are you going to find out? She wouldn't play the game.

Francie, I'm sorry about this stupid game. I really am.

Look, the thing is, the money was taken out of Murray's desk, and I just, I want

you to know that I don't believe that you took it.

Mary, I... I mean, sure, sure, a lot of people figure that because a kid's been

in trouble once before, she'll be in trouble again, and I just want you to

I set them straight. I mean, what are big sisters for, huh?

Mary, I think there's something I should... Because you and I said we

other, didn't we? And I want you to know that I do trust you. And I'm not going

to let anyone accuse you of something you didn't do. Mary, I took the money.

else?

Well, did I call the fuzz or not?

No, Ted.

Francie gave me the money. Here it is.

Yeah, $50.

Well, she stole it, huh?

Yes, Ted, you were right. You were wrong. Yes, Ted, I was wrong. I was

you were wrong. Yes, Ted, you were right and I was wrong. You were wrong and I

was wrong. Yes, Ted, I was wrong and you were wrong. All right, all right,

Mayor. Let's not dwell on it.

You know, it's kind of interesting.

I sit here. I don't make a lot of money, but I see a lot of life passing me by.

And some weeks I prefer money.

Hi. Hi.

More life.

Can I speak to you for a minute, Mary?

Oh, sure.

Sure, come on. We'll go in here. Okay.

Mary, the most wonderful thing just happened. Yeah? Great.

What? Well, I just stole this outfit. Look.

Betsy, how is that wonderful?

Well, I feel really terrible about taking it. I mean, I must be making

Dear, we're going to have to have a little talk.

Hi, Mr. Grant.

remember what I said to you last night? Aren't you going to ask me how I am?

How are you, Mr. Grant?

Not tops.

I have you in my chair, a kid in my office, a hole in my gum, and a

in my parking space.

That's not tops, Mary.

Okay, we're going to get out of here right now. No.

But, Mr. Grant, we have something to talk about. In front of me.

Yeah, but what we have to talk about is kind of... Nobody's going anywhere.

Now, what's going on around here? Mary, that's okay. I don't mind him knowing I

shoplifted this.

What, are you crazy, kid?

You know what they'll do to you if they catch you? It could ruin your whole

life. Now, listen to me.

You're going to have to cut this stuff out because... Who is she? Does anybody

know her? Yes.

My little sister from the Big Sisters Association.

I guess that's enough.

Now, look. You're going to have to take that outfit back now.

You know what now means?

It doesn't mean you walk back to that store.

You'll run.

Run, run, run. Well, Mr.

Grant, I was just about to tell her that.

Now, listen, kid. Nobody had to tell you that.

You don't go around telling people you stole something if you didn't expect to

have to take it back.

Boy, I would never have thought of that.

You know, Mr. Grant, you are really impressive.

It's the Novocaine.

Francie, would you like me to go with you when you take it back?

No, thanks, Mary. I'm going to do it myself.

I'm going to pay my dues.

Pay your dues. Good, good, good.

Okay. Bye -bye.

Well, how hard can it be to take something back, right? You just walk in

say, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I don't need this. I don't want this.

take it back.

You're married.

Now, just remember that when you take back the helicopter.

This whole cost me 200 bucks.

And another 40 for the liquor.

It must have been martinis. I think I got an olive stuck in there.

That's great.

Bye -bye.

Oh, what a relief.

They took the outfit back. They're not going to press charges, and Francie

fine. And we have peace in our time.

You know something? This Big Sister program really works.

Of course. It's just like I told you on that promo.

The more confused and immature a person is...

The easier she's influenced by someone else.