Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can have the time, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Hello

people.

No, don't turn around, Mary. No, no.

I want you to close your eyes. Now, no arguments. You just close your eyes.

all right, Sue Ann. She's seen you without makeup before.

Oh, Mary.

I just hope my mind's still active when I'm your age.

Here, close your eyes now. All right.

Now, you can open them.

Well, what do you think?

Can I close them again?

It's a free -form mobile representing the four basic food groups. I used it on

special I did last week called What's All This Fuss About Salmon?

I think it's just the thing to brighten up your new apartment.

Oh, well, gee, Sue Ann, I'd have to check the lease to make sure there isn't

regulation against, you know, hanging food.

Well, I know you'll find just the right spot for it.

I know. Why don't you put it in your bedroom?

You must mean something in there to relieve the tedium.

Hello, sir. Hello, sir.

Hi,

guys. Love your ring, Mary.

This is Ted Baxter saying happy days are here again.

Well, did you make that up, Ted?

No, it's from some song.

I forget the name of it.

What are you so happy about?

The circus is in town, and they want me.

Oh, terrific, Ted.

Do you have to bring your own shovel?

So what happens? You want me to ride the head of the parade. I'm this year's

grand marshal.

Would have had it last year, except for that big, dumb, stupid basketball

player. Pleasant sports on Channel 8.

He made a fool of himself.

What happened?

Well, he got into the wrong car. He squeezed into the little one with all

clowns and kind of wedged them all in. They had to take the car apart so they

could get out. It sort of ruined the effect.

Gee, it sounds like the Grand Marshal's job has a history of disaster.

Yeah, well, this year they've got me.

I rest my case.

Nothing can bug me, Murph.

Nothing can spoil my day now that I'm going to be Grand Marshal of the Circus

Parade. Forget it, Ted, you aren't.

What? I said forget it. My anchorman isn't marching down the street with a

chimp. Tends to give him an undignified image.

Oh, no, it won't give me an undignified image.

I was talking about the chimp.

He's parking the car.

Oh.

How about the coffee?

Okay.

Mary, when Ted gets here, you've got to talk to him. He's very upset.

Yeah, sure.

What about?

I don't know. He's too upset to talk about it.

Well, then what makes you think he'll talk to me?

I know he will, Mary. He said, I'm not going to burden you with my problems.

It's just a bore to burden people with their troubles.

Let's go see Mary.

Yeah, sure.

What's this?

It's a present from Sue Ann. It's a mobile. I'm trying to find a place for

Why don't you put it in a mobile home?

Yeah.

What do you want me to do with it? I don't know.

Mary, whatever it is with Father and Ted, you'll have to worm it out of him.

likes to hide his true feelings.

Hey.

Hi, Ted.

Hi, Mary.

Ted, is something wrong?

I can never hide anything from you, Mary.

All right, I'll tell you.

I'm leaving WJM.

Leaving? Why?

Because I'm not appreciated.

After giving seven years of the best I've got, Lou still treats me like dirt.

Oh, come on. Treats me like a child, Mary.

Oh, Ted, that's not true.

I mean, I'm sure maybe he bosses you around, but he doesn't treat you like a

child. He respects you as a mature adult.

Then why won't he let me go to the circus?

I mean, that's a great honor, Mary, being a Grand Marshal of a circus. A

honor.

The Grand Marshal rides ahead of the elephants.

Well, Ted, for what it's worth, I think Mr. Grant was wrong.

Then why don't you talk to him, Mary? He'll listen to you. Maybe he'll change

his mind. Well, I'm afraid it's a little late. I heard before I left the office

that the circus has already chosen another grand marshal.

Already?

Boy, they don't waste any time, do they?

Who'd they get to replace me, the mayor or the governor?

Chuckles, the clown.

Chuckles?

A kiddie show host?

A grand marshal of a circus, a clown?

Oh, Mary, I hate to say this, but I hope they laugh at him.

Leaving 28 people condominium -less.

Big deal.

Now we're from one of our sponsors.

What's the matter with him? Oh, he's still angry over Chuckles leading the

circus parade today instead of him. And I'll tell you something more, I don't

blame him. Oh, come on, Mary. You're going to be reasonable now, aren't you?

You're going to be fair and look at both sides of things and see Ted's point of

view. I mean it, Murr. Do you know how close Ted came to quitting his job over

this? Not close enough.

Mr. Grant!

Something terrible has happened.

What is it, Lou?

Someone we all know is dead.

What? Who?

No, I won't tell you about it now. I don't want to upset you. Mr. Grant!

Where's Ted? I've got to tell Ted. He's on the air. What happened, Lou? Who

died? Will you tell us?

Chuckles.

Chuckles the clown is dead.

There was a freak accident.

He went to the parade dressed as Peter Peanut.

And a rogue elephant tried to shell him.

I gotta get this on the air. Before you start working on the formal obituary.

Chuckles' real name was George.

His wife's name was Louise.

The elephant's name is Jucko.

We'll be back right after this commercial.

Listen very closely.

Chuckles the clown was just killed.

He was dressed as a peanut and an elephant crushed him.

Stop trying to cheer me up, Lou.

That's funny, but that's in bad taste.

Jim, it's not a joke.

You mean it? Yes.

Good Lord.

Now listen.

Murray is working on a formal obituary for tomorrow.

You go on now and you'll just have to ad lib something.

Well, I say I hardly know the man.

Well, sure you did. You knew him. You were on his show.

Well, it's hard to know a man that's chasing you around with a rubber

Ted, just say something short and simple and warm.

You can do it.

We're counting on you.

Don't worry. I won't let you down.

Ladies and gentlemen, sad news.

One of our most beloved entertainers and close personal friend of mine is dead.

Chuckles, the clown, died today from... From, uh...

He died a broken man.

Chuckles leaves a wife. At least I assume he was married. He didn't seem

the other kind.

I don't know his age.

Yeah, but I guess he was probably in his early 60s. It's kind of hard to judge a

guy's face, especially when he's wearing big lips and a light bulb for a moment.

But he had his whole life in front of him, except for the 60 -some -odd years

already lived.

I remember Chuckles used to recite a poem at the end of each program.

It was called The Credo of a Clown. I'd like to offer it now in his memory.

A little song, a little dance.

A little seltzer down your pants.

That's what it's all about, folks.

That's what he stood for. That's what gave his life meaning.

Chuckles like to make people laugh. You know what I like to think? I like to

think that somewhere up there tonight, in his honor, a choir of angels is

sitting on whoopee cushions.

This is Ted Baxter saying good night and good news.

Shuggles worked for this station for 20 years. The least we can do is put

together some kind of tribute to him. Well, I think I've got a title for it.

Requiem for a Peanut.

That isn't very respectful, Murray.

I'm sorry, Lou, but I can't help it.

I mean, I've been coming up with dumb jokes about it ever since you broke the

news to us yesterday afternoon.

What a shock.

It sure was.

A real tragedy.

A terrible thing.

Lucky more people weren't hurt.

Lucky that elephant didn't go after somebody else.

That's right.

After all, you know how hard it is to stop after just one peanut.

That's not funny.

It's not nice.

Oh, I know.

Lou, why do I say things like that?

It's a release.

A kind of defense mechanism.

It's like whistling in a graveyard.

You laugh at something that scares you.

We laugh at death because we know that death will have the last laugh on us.

That's very good, Lou.

It's not only good, it's heavy.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

It tolls for thee.

Smoothly put, Lou.

Why does it toll for me?

Because this could have happened to any of us, Ted.

Right.

Somewhere out there, there's an elephant with your name on it.

Ah, now I couldn't. I wanted to go and you wouldn't let me, remember?

Dad, it doesn't work that way.

You saved my life, Lou.

You saved my life.

Please, Ted, I feel bad enough today.

Oh, Ted, my car's being fixed. I wonder, could I ride with you and Georgette to

the funeral tomorrow?

Sure, the more the merrier.

Dear, there's no point in duplicating Enbridge.

I'll do the tribute to Chuckles this afternoon on my show. No, no, Sue Ann.

peeling onions. My eyes will be too puffy for anything else.

Sue Ann!

Why is everyone being so callous about this?

Callous?

Well, I'll have you know, dear, that Chuckles and I were very close.

I baked the first custard pie he ever sat in.

Go on. Maybe callous is not the word, but the man died.

And it seems to me the only people who are showing any reverence around here

Mr. Grant and me.

Cut it out, Murray!

I can just see the insurance claim.

Cause of death, a busted goober.

I don't know what you two are laughing at, but I'll take a chance at the dirty.

Murray, you're not still making jokes about that.

It's a release, Mary.

People need it to get over a tragedy. Everybody does it. I don't.

Now, shall we go over the tribute?

Oh, yeah, right.

That's a good idea. I took your suggestion, Mr. Grant. I screened some

Chappell's old shows this morning.

Some of his best -known characters were Mr. Fee -Fi -Foe, Billy Banana, Aunt Yoo

-Hoo, and, well, of course, Peter Peanut.

Sorry. No, I'm sorry, Mary.

Well, that's perfectly all right, Mr. Grant. The tribute was your idea.

if you think it's funny... No, no, no. You're absolutely right.

The guy deserves a dignified farewell.

Exactly.

Okay, I thought what we'd do is show some film of Chuckles at work and then

simply the words, as we remember him.

Oh, Mary, that's beautiful.

Yeah, that's nice. Really nice.

Yeah, that's a great idea, as we remember him.

Who was Aunt Yoo -hoo?

Well, I don't think we'd want to use Aunt Yoo -hoo. Why not?

What did he do as Aunt Yoo -hoo? Well, not much. He just, uh, he put on a dress

and screamed, Yoo -hoo!

And at the end of the show, he turned his little back to the camera.

Bend over.

On his bloomers were written the end.

Maybe they should bury him that way.

I give up. You win.

Chuckle's death was a scream.

Oh, come on, Mary. We're not laughing because he's dead. I mean, we all like

them. We're very, very sorry.

Then why are you laughing?

Mary, dear, don't be... circumstances strike you as being just a trifle

After all, the guy died wearing a peanut suit, killed by an elephant.

Yeah. Born in a trunk, died in a trunk.

Just forget what he was wearing. Suppose he hadn't been dressed as a peanut.

Would his death still be funny?

Could have been worse.

He could have gone as Billy Banana and had a gorilla peel him to death.

Oh, thanks, Joanne.

Just paid a half buck to have my shoes done.

It's a cream shine. I think that's what he would have wanted.

Why do people always send flowers when someone passes on?

What would you suggest, dear?

Fruit?

That's so sad.

Funerals always come too late.

I'm not sure I understand that, Georgia.

Well, I mean, we take people for granted while they're with us. Then when we're

gone, we wish we'd been nicer to them.

So we dress in black and cry our eyes out? Why don't we ever think to do that

while they're still with us?

Good question.

I wish I were nice to the Chuckles when I had the chance.

I kind of looked down on them.

You know, being a clown and all.

I was prejudiced against him just because his skin was different colors

mine.

Hi.

How much of a crowd is there?

If this were my funeral, it'd be packed.

That's right, Ted.

It's just a matter of giving the public what they want.

I wonder which ones are the other clowns.

You'll know soon.

They're all going to jump out of a little hearse.

This is a funeral. A man has died. We came here to show respect, not to laugh.

I'm sorry, Mary.

No more jokes.

My friends, any man's death diminishes me because I am involved with mankind.

Therefore, ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

Hey, Louie, stole your poem.

Juggles the Clown brought pleasure to millions.

The characters he created will be remembered by children and adults alike.

Peter Peanut.

Mr. Fee Five -Four.

Billy Banana.

And my particular favorite, Aunt Yoo -Hoo.

And not just...

Not just for the laughter that they provided. There was always some deeper

meaning to whatever chuckles did.

Do you remember

Mr. Fee -Five -Foe's little catchphrase?

Do you remember how, when his arch -rival, Señor Kaboom, hit him with a

cucumber and knocked him down?

Mr. Fee -Fi -Foe would always pick himself up, dust

himself off,

and say, I heard my poo -poo.

From time to time, we all fall down and hurt our food.

If only we could deal with it as simply and

bravely and honestly as Mr. Fee -Fie Foe.

And what did Chuckles ask in return?

Not much.

In his own words, a little song.

A little saucer, darling.

Excuse me, young lady.

Yes, you.

Would you stand up, please?

Please, please, won't you?

You feel like laughing, don't you?

Don't try to hold it back.

Go ahead, laugh out loud.

Don't you see, nothing would have made Chuckles happier.

He lived to make people laugh.

Tears were offensive to him, deeply offensive.

He hated to see people cry.

So go ahead, my dear.

Laugh for Chuckles.

Like such a fool, standing up there like that. Mary, forget about it. Everybody

else did.

All in all, it was a very nice funeral.

All's well that ends well.

Coffee will be ready in a minute.

You know, it's the sort of funeral I would want.

Oh, not me.

I want to be cremated and have my ashes thrown on Robert Redford.

Me? Yeah.

I don't want anybody to make a fuss.

When I go, I just want to be stood outside in the garbage with my hat on.

What kind of funeral do you want, ma 'am?

Well, all I know is I just don't want an organ playing a lot of sad music.

What do you want them to play?

Everything's Coming Up Roses?

I'd like a nice, fancy funeral.

I mean, if I were going to die.

What do you mean, if?

I'm not going.

Why not?

How else are you going to be reunited with your brain?

I'm not going to die. You see, I'm into this thing where if I get sick, I mean

real sick, where I'm about to go, they just take me away and freeze me.

And in about two or three hundred years, when they find a cure for whatever it

was that made me sick, they'll just unfreeze me.

Uh, Ted, when they freeze you, could you do me a favor?

Sure, ma 'am.

Thank you.