Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Morning, Mayor.

Morning, Murph. Hey, what you looking for?

speed character we might be able to use as a feature tonight. Oh, any luck?

No, so far the best I can come up with is a man who can play the flight of the

bumblebee by hitting his head with a wet spatula.

Hi,

guys. Hiya, Stan.

Listen, Murr, about tonight... Excuse me. Do you know how long it takes to fly

from Minneapolis to New York?

Oh, about two hours, I think. Do you know how long it takes to get from the

airport in New York to the center of New York?

About three quarters of an hour, I think. I was thinking... You know any

hotels in New York? Any good restaurants? Any good shows to see in

Are you by any chance going to New York?

Boy, try to keep a secret around here.

Well, as long as the cat's out of the bag, I might as well tell you the whole

story. I've been asked to go to New York to audition for a host for a big new

game show.

You're kidding.

Host of a game show?

Well, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

All the luck in the world, Ted.

You want to know how much the job pays?

Not really.

But, Ted, it's not that I'm not interested, but you already make a lot

I do. Oh, a lot more.

It's a little depressing to hear that someone you know... And respect.

That someone you know is earning more money than you are. Ted, I don't want to

discuss salaries. It's nobody's business how much anybody makes.

You're right. It's nobody's business that I make $750 a week.

And you only make $280 a week.

And he only makes $275 a week. Uh, $215, $187, $187 .50.

Ah, you're right, Mary. This foolish and insensitive me, they bring up the

subject. When you think a guy that's going to be making $1 ,000 a week would

have more brains than the... Who makes it so sure they're going to choose you

for the job, Ted?

have to. With Ted's intelligence, they're certainly not going to ask him

contestant.

There's no point in being modest. I know they're going to choose me.

I got a feeling that I'm going to get lucky.

I only had this feeling three times before in my life.

Once when I won the football pool, once when I won a color TV and a raffle, and

on my 43rd date with Georgette.

I've got to break the bad news of the big fella.

I hate to do this. It's going to break the big lug's heart.

Lou,

I've got something to tell you.

Better brace yourself, Lou.

I've been asked to go to New York to try out for a host of a new game show.

I know this may come as a shock to you, but if I get it, I'm afraid it means I'm

going to have to leave WJM News.

Oh, lots of luck, Ted. Any calls, Mary? No.

Georgette, would you like some more buttermilk? No, thank you. I've already

two glasses.

I really appreciate your inviting me over to brunch, Mary.

It's lonely with Ted gone.

Georgette, he's only been gone a few hours.

Yes, but with Ted, a few hours can seem like a lifetime.

I know, I know.

Everything was really delicious, Mary. Thanks.

I especially love the mushroom omelet. You make it exactly the same way I do.

Oh, really? Yes. You'll have to give me the recipe sometime.

Mary, I really need help.

What's on your mind?

It's not going to be easy, Mary.

Georgette, what is it?

It's something I can't discuss.

Well, Georgette, if you can't discuss it, then how can I help you?

I told you it wasn't going to be easy.

Okay. I'll tell you what. Why don't you just say it straight out? Just...

I have an impure thought, and I'm ashamed of

myself for having it.

Phew.

When I dropped Ted off at the airport this morning, I wished him good luck

his audition.

But down deep, do you know what I was really hoping?

I was hoping he'll fall on his keister.

Please forgive my language.

It's just the buttermilk talking.

Mary, if Ted gets this audition and goes to live in New York, he'll forget all

about me.

Oh, George, yes.

After two weeks there, he'll have Barbara Walters breaking down his

door.

guilty about the way you feel. I mean, Georgette, I've known you for three

years. I think I can honestly say you have never had an impure thought in your

life. And in the second place, I really don't think you have anything to worry

about. I mean, Ted is a very talented man.

But New York is highly competitive.

I don't think Ted has a chance of making it.

With the quiz show or with Barbara Walters?

You're on horse number one, you're number two, and you, Mrs. Franklin, are

horse number three.

Okay, everybody, we're ready to do the next audition tape.

Ted Baxter.

Yo!

Hi, how are you? Hello.

All right, Mr. Baxter, here are the names of the contestants and some jokes

which our five writers have done.

Five writers?

Well, this really is a big time, isn't it?

Boy, if I had jokes like this in the news, I'd have been a star long ago.

Have you got any questions?

Oh, yes.

Who decides whether or not I get the job?

I do. Why?

Oh, no reason. Just asking.

I like your jacket.

Thanks. Nice shirt, smart tie.

Ted, you want to take your place?

Okay, all right. Okay, places, everybody.

Great shoes.

Ted Baxter audition, take one.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time now to play $50 ,000 Steeplechase. And here,

coming around the home stretch and the clubhouse turn, is your quiz master, Ted

Baxter!

I'm Ted Baxter, and welcome to the $50 ,000 Steeplechase. Now, today we're

to have fun, fun, fun!

Remember, this is a horse race, so pick your favorite and root them in. Get as

excited as you like. Shout, scream, kiss the woman in the next seat if you feel

like it. Of course, if it's your wife, just shake hands.

All right, now, some of you are going to win a lot of cash, so for heaven's

sake, don't throw it away.

Who knows, someday it may be worth something.

Shake hands.

All right, now let's meet our contestants before they get saddle

Number one.

Elliot Jensen from Denver, Colorado. Let's hear it for Elliot.

How you doing, Elliot?

Welcome to the show, Elliot.

All right, now, what do you do in Denver, Elliot?

I own a filling station, Ted.

A filling station, huh?

What a coincidence.

So does my dentist.

Mrs. Groon, it says here that you teach swimming. Is that right?

That's right.

Well, stick around. After the show, maybe you and I can go into a few dives.

All right.

Number three, Mrs.

Joyce Franklin of Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Let's hear it for Mrs.

How are you, Mrs. Franklin?

Welcome aboard.

Listen, I understand you're married to a fisherman. Is that right?

That's right. I'll bet when you go to bed, you tell him, not tonight, I have a

haddock.

It's time to play $50 ,000 Tickle Chase.

Now, on each of your horses, you'll find a little button. Now, as soon as you

know the answer to a question, you just press your button.

Ready. Ready. Okay. Are we ready, Ginger?

Ready. All right.

We're up and running.

Here's the first question. Two reports.

Hubert Humphrey was once vice president of the United States.

This is growing.

True.

Good thing you didn't have to use two coats of paint.

Okay, now.

Well, we're right down to the finish line. How about this? It's neck and

Boy, is this a great game.

All right, now. Next question.

True or false?

Charlotte Bronte is the author of Wuthering Heights.

Oh, gosh, this is exciting.

I can't stand it.

Remember, you have only five seconds before the gate closes.

All right, Mrs. Gruen has blown her bugle.

Now, if she gives the right answer, she wins the race. But remember, Mrs. Gruen,

you're in a penalty situation, which means that if you give the wrong answer,

your horse breaks its leg and you have to shoot it.

All right, now, what is your answer, Mrs. Gruen?

False. I think it was Emily Bronte.

Did you say false?

You're right! You're absolutely right.

across the finish line. Thank you very much. You did a very nice job.

Thank you very much. We still have some other people to see.

We'll be in touch with you next week.

Oh, that's all right. I understand. No rush.

All right, I will.

Okay, bye.

Oh, Mary, was that call for me?

No, Ted.

Ted, you know, it's been almost two weeks since you went to that audition.

you think it's about time you maybe face the fact that you didn't get the job? I

got the job, Mary, I got the job.

I'm sorry.

Who am I kidding? I didn't get the job. They'd have called me by now.

Why didn't they hire me? I was wonderful in it.

Maybe they're anti -Semitic.

Ted, you're not Jewish.

I know, but I didn't tell them that.

I know why I didn't get the job.

Just wasn't good enough.

Oh, Ted, come on. It's no disgrace to audition for something and be turned

I'm sure that Laurence Olivier has been turned down for things.

I didn't know he did game shows.

I thought he just did commercials.

Oh, Mary, I wanted to do that job so bad.

Oh, Ted, you didn't. Yes, I did.

No, you didn't. Think about it. I mean, some of those game shows are so silly.

Those idiotic rules.

Oh, no, Mary.

It's not idiotic. I mean, it's a wonderful game. It's like a real horse

love that game.

But, Ted, I mean, the contestants made to look...

look ridiculous at all.

He just wore little jockey hats and sat in wooden horses.

It was all very dignified, Mary.

I'd put my own mother on that horse.

In the right place, you'd put your mother under a horse.

Come on, think about it. Even if they picked you for it, you wouldn't go to

York. You couldn't leave us.

This is your home.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

What do I want to go to New York for?

This is where my friends are, the people that I want to be with, the people that

love me, that I love. You're right.

Newsroom?

Yes, just a minute. Ted?

New York.

Mamie, this is my ticket out of this dump.

Hello?

Yes.

What?

All right, I understand.

Right, okay.

Well, thank you very much. Goodbye.

I got the job, Lou.

Oh, okay.

I got the job. I got the job.

Mr.

Grant, I have terrific news. I just talked to Warren Jessup, and his

with Channel 6 is up at the end of this month. He is very interested in coming

over to WJM.

Hey, that's great.

That goes for a drink. What do you have?

Scotch and soda.

Two scotch and sodas, please.

He's terrific.

He's about the best anchorman around town.

I'll bet he'll really boost our ratings. We can just have Andy fill until he's

free. Right. I mean, Warren is so bright and personable. I just know with him we

can put on a show we'll really be proud of.

Absolutely. Hey, you up?

Okay.

To the new WJM News.

You feel as rotten as I do?

Why, Mary?

Why?

For seven years, let's be honest now, we've all been dreaming of the day Ted

would leave.

Finally, here it is, the night of Ted's last newscast, and we're all miserable.

Why? I know I can't figure it out either.

You know, when I was a little kid, I had this little wart

on my index finger.

You had a wart?

Yeah, it really used to embarrass me. I never knew where to hide my hand. I used

to put it behind my back, stick it in my pocket behind my head. It really drove

me crazy.

Anyway, one morning I woke up.

The wart was gone.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what you're trying to say.

Right. If I didn't miss that wart, why should I miss Ted?

how he's driven us bananas over the years. I'm aware of all that, but... Is

possible? I mean, is it just possible that deep down, underneath everything,

really... like Ted?

No.

Maybe if you did, he'd stay.

No, I don't know what to say to him. Just tell him you like him.

That he's a good guy.

Tell him how lonely and empty the newsroom is going to seem without him.

Lie!

Maybe you're right, Mary.

Maybe I should talk to him.

Okay. Okay.

Why don't you go on upstairs? I'll just finish my drink.

Okay.

You know, funny, isn't it?

Whoever thought I'd be pleading with Ted Baxter to stay on at WJM.

I guess he's not the world's worst anchorman.

I mean, he's no Walter Cronkite, no John Chancellor, no Harry Reasoner. But he's

got something that they don't have.

Unpredictability.

Oh, shoot. You know when you watch him that he's going to put his foot in his

mouth.

But the thing you can never figure out is how he's going to get the other one

there with it.

So this is Ted Baxter saying good night, good news, and goodbye.

Gee, Ted Baxter's last newscast for WJM.

Yeah.

Oh, hi, Georgette.

Hi, Mary.

What you got there?

I have to bring it down to Ted's car.

There's some things he wants to take to New York to remind him of all the

wonderful times he had here. Oh, how nice.

You know, things like pictures, letters, awards.

Aw.

Pencils, paper clips, ballpoint pens, light bulbs. I guess I got everything,

Georgia. Uh,

you want to put this in there, too? Okay.

Ted Baxter's farewell.

But unlike General Douglas MacArthur, I shall not return.

Gee, Ted, the folks on Bataan are really going to be choked up about that.

Well, I... I'd better get going, George. It's waiting for me. Well, aren't you

going to stay and say goodbye to Mr. Grant? Well, no, I've got too many

to do. I'll just call him from the airport.

Murray, I just want you to know I appreciate everything you've done for

Because the words you wrote made me what I am. See, Ted, I feel four feet tall.

Mary?

Oh, Ted.

Goodbye,

guys.

Stay.

What?

What did you say, Lou?

Lou, did you say something?

Yeah.

I said stay.

Gee, that's one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me.

I'd like to stay, Lou. I love it here, but this is my big chance.

For what, Ted?

So you can go to New York and become a quiz master?

Is that what you want people to say when you walk down the street? There goes

Ted Baxter. He's a quiz master.

It's not that bad, Lou. Just the way you say it makes it sound terrible.

Oh, yeah?

Then you say it, Ted.

Say, Ted Baxter is a quiz master.

Ted Baxter is a quiz master.

You see, Ted, you have to do what you think best.

But I want you to know that I will always think of you as a newsman.

You mean that, Lou?

You always serve the people by broadcasting the truth.

You should be proud of that.

Oh, sure, there are lots of other jobs that pay more, that are less demanding,

but they contribute nothing toward the public's well -being or understanding.

A newsman's life has meaning.

You were following the tradition of men like Charles Collingwood, Elmer Davis,

and Edward R. Murrow.

There's no finer way a man can spend his life than that.

Ted? You were part of a great profession.

You were something very special.

Something very, very special.

You were a newsman.

Can I use your phone, Luke?

Mr. Hillman, please.

Hello, Mr. Hillman.

This is Ted Baxter, Minneapolis. I want to thank you for offering me the job,

but I've been thinking it over, and I decided that I want to stay here in the

newsroom.

What?

Really?

He's offering me another $200 a week, Lou.

You're a newsman, Ted.

A newsman.

Oh, Mr. Hillman, listen, I'm sorry, but it has nothing to do with money.

Well, another $500 a week, Lou.

A newsman, Ted.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hillman.

Newman, I'm sorry.

I've made up my mind.

Good luck on your show.

Thanks a lot. Goodbye.

I'm a newsman, aren't I, Lou?

A newsman?

Yes, Ted.

You're a newsman.

And a darn good one, too.

I never said that.

when a Russian fishing vessel agreed to withdraw from Norwegian territorial

waters.

Speaking of fish, I'll bet when the captain of that Russian vessel goes to

tonight, his wife is going to tell him, not tonight, I have a haddock.