Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after

Welcome back to Talk of the Town. I'm Ted Baxter chatting pleasantly with

Terrence Bryan of St. Dominic's Church.

Father, before we broke for the commercial, you said that your church

located in the Edina District, one of our wealthiest neighborhoods.

And yet you told us the attendance is good. That's right.

I mean, I don't get it. I mean, what do rich people need to pray for?

I mean, they've got everything, right, Father?

I guess sometimes they have to pray for forgiveness for how they got everything.

That just doesn't seem fair. I mean, some poor guy's praying for food and he

can't get through because some rich guy's there ahead of him praying for a

digital watch.

You know, the kind with no hands.

Press a button, little numbers light up for one another time.

Shockproof and waterproof.

There's a golden expansion band.

God, I'd like to have one of those.

What do you mean, like this one?

That's a gift from my parishioners. I must admit, Ted, sometimes I do think

be more useful working in a less affluent neighborhood.

Well, why aren't you, Father?

Well, you remember what the Bible says, Ted. How hard it is for a rich man to

enter the kingdom of heaven.

So, in a way, I am working for the underdog.

That's pretty good, Father.

If you weren't a priest, I'd say you had a sense of humor.

Father, Father, can you shed a little light on the...

A diner community exchange program you're involved in? Well, we've arranged

youngsters of different economic backgrounds to spend weekends at each

houses, and, uh, well, we hope it'll break down some of the, uh, suspicion

distrust they have towards each other.

Well, well then, Father, can you shed a little light on the diner community

exchange program you're involved in?

Oh, whoops, I'm sorry, but we just ran out of time.

Thank you for being with us, Father Brian.

Next week, we'll meet another fascinating person from our town, tree

Virgil Davis.

I would have been a tree surgeon, but I can't stand the sight of sap.

Well, this is Ted Batchelor saying goodbye and thank you for watching Talk

the Town.

Okay, thank you, everybody.

Hey,

it was great working with you, Father. You're a terrific guy.

And if you ever run for cardinal, you got my vote.

Thank you so much for being on the show. Oh, you're welcome. I enjoyed it.

Listen, that thing you're doing with the kids sounds really good.

I was thinking it might make an interesting documentary.

I'd love to talk to you about it. Oh, sure. Well, if you're not doing anything

right now, why don't we have a cup of coffee? All right, good.

Good. Oh, and I want to apologize for some of the questions Ted asked.

we get a little carried away.

Oh, that's all right, Mary.

We're all God's creatures.

Just goes to show you that even he can have an off day.

working on, Mayor?

Oh, that show with Father Brian.

Mr. Grant really liked the idea. He said if I could get the budget down, I'd

present it to the station manager.

Steve Murray, I lost some lunch. Oh, no, thanks, Ted.

Uh, Ted, on the documentary, would you be willing to work for a little less

you normally do as a favor to me?

Well, Mary, I got a sick aunt who's got hospital bills.

I've got a cousin who's out of work, and I've got a mother who needs rent money.

Right. He doesn't give to them. Why should he give to you?

Oh, well, maybe Father Brian will have some ideas when he gets here.

You two are having lunch again?

Mm -hmm.

Gee, Mary, that makes three times this week.

Well, I understand that. I used to have a crush on the Flying Nun.

Mary, you finished your budget?

Yeah, just about. I still have a few problems, but I'm going to have to...

Lou, have you heard the latest?

Mary's dating a priest.

Ted, that's not funny.

Father Brian's a man of the cloth.

Yeah, so is Tarzan. You know what a swinger he was.

It's a joke. It's a joke.

How are you, Father? Hi, Mary. Ted.

Mary, you ready?

Yeah, just about. Give me one minute.

Hey, Father, great threads.

You know, I always thought your priest had to wear that collar.

Oh, but that's silly.

I mean, you don't wear it in the shower.

Or you don't play tennis with it or at the beach. No, if we did, we'd get a

funny tan, huh?

Hello there. Hi. I'm Sue Ann Nivens. Miss Sue Ann Nivens.

Terrence Bryan.

Well, tell me, Terrence, are you new here? I hope.

I'm just waiting for Mary. We're going to lunch.

Oh. Lunch.

Dark place.

Candles. Wine.

I'll bet that's how you operate.

As a matter of fact, it is.

Oh, I see you two have met.

Oh, yes.

Not bad, Mary.

You must be doing something right, although I'm damned if I know what it

There's something I don't think you understand.

This is Father Brian. He's the priest at St. Dominic's.

And I'm the queen of Romania.

I'll explain.

No, I was almost 20 years old before I made up my mind to go into the church.

For a long time, I was trying to decide whether I wanted to be a priest or a

baseball player. As a matter of fact, I played two seasons of semi -pro ball.

Oh. And then...

One night I heard a voice telling me to give up baseball.

It was the manager of the team.

Well, are you ready to order, Father?

Well, what are we drinking today?

Oh, I think I'll just have a Virgin Mary.

You don't mind my being dressed like this, do you? Well, no. Not if you don't

mind my being dressed like this.

Why would I mind?

Well, it's just that when I'm wearing that collar, there are a lot of things I

can't do without attracting attention.

Like what?

Well, for instance, I can't go to R -rated movies.

Can't sit at the bar and have a drink.

I can't even visit a sick friend without the whole family saying, this is it.

Believe me, there are a lot of things a priest can't do.

Well, I guess the church does have... No, no, it's not the church, Mary. It's

the parishioners. They don't want me to have any fun.

And then they go out and have extra fun. First they have theirs, then they have

mine.

And then they come to confession and tell me what I missed.

It's wonderful, though, that you can joke about it like that.

I don't know, Mary.

Church is changing awful fast.

I have a friend I was in seminary with, and the other day he told me he'd met a

woman, fallen in love, and was leaving the priesthood.

He asked me what I thought. I jumped on him pretty hard, but then I started

thinking, what would I do if I were in his position?

I mean, it's not inconceivable that someday I might meet a woman, fall in

I'm not sure I know how to handle all that.

Oh, now, Sarah, you're having a great chat, and I had to go and get serious.

sorry. Oh, no, no, it's all right, really.

Listen, it's not every day a girl gets a preach to confess to her.

Hey, Mary, you know something?

You're terrific.

Oh, thank you, Father. No.

Call me Terry.

All right, I will.

Hey,

relax, Mia. They're bound to approve the show. No, Murr, it's not the show I'm

worried about. Well, what is it? I don't know, Murr. Call it woman's intuition

or a gnawing feeling in my gut.

I'd rather call it woman's intuition.

I don't know. Maybe it's... Sounds crazy, I know, but ever since Father

told me about his friend leaving the priesthood because he fell in love, I

had this nagging feeling that Father Brian's attracted to me.

No, it's crazy.

No, it isn't, Murr. I mean, I know I have certain... I mean, men have told

Well, some men have told me that I'm appealing.

Nice to be with.

Sexy. Who knows?

Oh, forget it, Mary. A priest just doesn't leave the church for little

like that.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mary.

Oh, all right.

And you're right. I mean, the more I think about it, the more I realize he's

dedicated man.

Mary, the show's approved.

Go do it. Oh, Mr. Grant, that's wonderful. Thank you.

Well, wait a minute. Don't you want to tell me anything? Give me any advice?

Yeah.

Don't screw it up.

Way to go, Mary. Way to go.

Oh, thanks, Murph. I can't wait to tell Father Brian. You don't know how excited

he's going to be.

Hello, Terry.

Guess what?

Yeah, just a minute ago. Isn't that wonderful?

Uh -huh.

Yeah.

Uh -huh.

Tonight.

My place, sure.

What is it, Mayor?

He wants to postpone the show.

He's thinking of leaving the priesthood.

Mary, will you stop pacing? You're driving me crazy.

You're pacing inside, aren't you?

Okay, Mary, go on and play. Okay.

That's right.

You know that picturesque lakefront cottage I bought for my retirement?

My whole side of the lake is covered with slime.

And yesterday, I spilled spaghetti sauce on the most expensive sports shirt I

own. The yellow one.

The yellow one.

And to top it off, my daughter thinks she's in love with a Christmas tree

salesman.

bother you with my problems. It's something I should work out myself

I just don't think you can handle it.

Get in here.

What do you mean you don't think I can handle it?

Well, Mr. Grant, I do appreciate your concern, but I just... I just don't

it's something you could understand.

Mary!

When have I ever not been understanding?

Have you ever had anything bother you when you couldn't come to me?

Your welfare is one of the most important things in the world to me.

I'm on your side.

So tell me, I'll understand.

Well, Mr. Grant, I'm afraid that Father Brian is thinking of leaving the

priesthood because he thinks he's in love with me.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

A priest?

What'd you do to him, Mary?

I didn't do anything. Oh, you must have done something.

I don't understand you at all.

Why the priest?

You're an attractive woman.

You can have any man you want. A doctor, a lawyer, a Christmas tree salesman.

Father Brian, but I did nothing that would lead him to believe that we were

anything but friends.

I enjoyed his company. I tried to make him enjoy mine, but I did nothing.

Repeat, nothing, nothing of which I am ashamed.

I'm just sorry I brought the whole thing up. You haven't been any help

whatsoever.

No, no, no, no, no. You just hold on.

Just, just hold on.

You came in here a few moments ago like a confused, scared, timid little kid.

And now?

Secure woman.

Completely in control of the situation.

And you say I didn't help you?

Yeah, well, thank you, Mr. Graham.

Night, Murr. Good night. Oh, and good luck tonight.

Yeah, thanks. I'll need it. I'm so nervous, I don't know what I'm doing.

Oh, say, Mary.

You said to remind you that tomorrow you wanted someone to come pay my dressing

room and get that new chair in. Yeah, right. Thanks, Ted.

Ted! I did not say that.

Those two know what she's doing.

What's she so upset about?

Well, Mary's seeing Father Brian.

Ah, Father Brian.

Love is a strange and wondrous thing, you know, Mary?

It brings together such...

Totally different people.

What are you talking about, Ted?

Well, he's a priest, she's a producer.

He's a man, she's a woman.

He's a Catholic, she's a Christian.

Father?

Couldn't happen to a nicer priest.

Hey, Mary just left.

Oh, yeah, well, I just wanted to apologize to Lou for backing out of the

Is he in there? Oh, yeah. Look, Father, I've got to run. But before I do, you

know, when I was first married, I used to run right home after work.

And now, 20 years later, I still do.

The only difference is, then I did it because Marie and I were in love. And

I do it because if I'm late, she gives my dinner to the cat.

Take it over.

Listen, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about, you know, dropping out

of the documentary.

Oh, no, no, no.

That's all right. That's all right.

Why don't you sit down? No, I can't. I'm meeting Mary, and then after that I've

got an appointment with my bishop. So I'll see you later, huh? Yeah.

Father, Father, there's a little story I'd like to tell you.

A little long story, Luke? Oh, no, no, no. Believe me, I'll make it as brief as

I can. Okay, if it's important.

Yeah, it's very important.

Well, where are you going?

Well, I've got to get a drink.

I can't tell you a story like this without a drink.

Well, you're only going to need one glass.

Why, you drink from the bottle?

No, I don't want any. Lou, you said it wasn't going to take you long.

That's right. It's just a short, short little story.

Now, you see, when I was a kid, about 12, 12 years old... Lou, give

me a hint. How old are you when the story ends?

You're making it longer.

All right, sorry.

When I was a kid about 12 years old, I used to pass by this bicycle store every

day and there was this bicycle in the window.

It was beautiful.

It was red and silver.

It had hand brakes.

Lou, I believe you. The bike was beautiful.

I wanted that bike more than anything in the world.

But we couldn't afford it.

However, my best friend Pete, his father got him that same...

bike on his birthday.

That's an interesting story.

It's not over yet.

Now, here's the thing.

Two days after Pete gets the bike, he's riding along.

Beer barrel falls off a truck.

Peter hits it.

Breaks both legs.

I wanted that bike real bad.

But I...

was better off not getting it.

See my point?

No, I don't.

Let me explain it.

Now, maybe you didn't understand because I might have left out some important

parts. Lou, there couldn't have been anything left out of that story.

You got 12 years old, handbrakes, beer barrel, broken leg.

What's the point?

Here's the point.

You shouldn't leave the priesthood for any woman.

You get the point now?

That point I get. That point is clear.

But that's not why I'm thinking of leaving.

It's just that I...

I can't continue as long as I'm hounded by doubts.

And all these doubts go right to the heart of why I became a priest.

I'm caught in a deep and tormenting and agonizing moral crisis.

That's wonderful!

Now, Jack, forgive me for rushing around like this while you're here. It's just

that I'm expecting someone and I have to get ready.

That's okay, Mary. I didn't come over to see you.

You didn't come over to see me?

No, I came over to stick by you.

Well, thanks, Georgette, but why do I need to be stuck by?

Mary, Ted told me everything, and I'm 100 % behind you.

Last night, I admit I had a moment of doubt.

I kept saying to myself, Mary is a terrific person, and she must have a

wonderful reason for tempting a man away from God.

But I couldn't think of it.

Georgette, I am not tempting him away.

I'd buy that.

I don't want him to leave the priesthood. I'm so relieved. I wouldn't

women calling my best friend a church wrecker.

Mary, does he know you're not tempting him? Well, he will. I'm going to tell

tonight.

Oh, gee, I never knew anyone who had to kiss off a priest before.

Hello. Father, come in.

Father, I'd like you to meet my friend, Georgette Franklin.

This is Father Brian. How do you do? Hello, Father.

I'd like to talk to you sometime.

I'm thinking of converting.

I'd be happy to talk to you. Thank you.

I thought I'd give him something to stay in for.

Father, I want to say something to you. I know just what it is.

So I'm going to just say it very clearly and straight out.

Sure.

Father, I'm really just so very flattered that you

like me. And, you know, I really like you, too. But, see, I don't... My

feelings for you, if you are thinking of leaving the priesthood for... Merrick,

I'm not thinking of leaving the priesthood for you.

You're not? No.

You mean there's someone else?

I'm not leaving for anyone except me.

Oh.

Well, you see, I thought when you told me about your friend who left the

priesthood because he fell in love, well, I thought that it might be that

could have fallen into love.

Not that funny.

Mary, that's hysterical.

really all that unattractive.

Father, would you please stop laughing?

Mary, I'm sorry.

I'm just so funny.

I was so tied up in my troubles, you see. I didn't even notice you. Oh, well,

no, that's... I'm sorry.

Someone will come along eventually.

Mary, listen, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You know, a lot of people your age

come to me worried about meeting someone, you know. Yeah, really, that's

Mary,

we have some wonderful dancers over there at the church, do you know?

We have an over -30s club. No, it's really...

I'm sorry.

I'll stop trying to solve your problem and start working on mine, okay?

Okay.

Would you like some coffee? No, thanks. I better go.

I'm going to go talk to the bishop about taking some time off to think things

through. There's a kind of retreat the church has set up for that kind of

Well, you go there and you do some really good thinking. And then when you

back, I want to hear from you.

Okay.

Oh, by the way, I know you're really going to like working with this priest

who's replacing me on the project.

Really good looking guy.

Six foot two, blonde, blue eyes. And

so

these 30 Twin City youths go back to their own lives, knowing as they never

before, how the other half lives.

Good night from your reporter, Ted Baxter. Stay tuned for Gilligan's

A lady gorilla falls in love with Gilligan.

Next on Channel 12.

So, Mr. Grant.

All right, Lou.

Get on the phone.

Why? They cut us off.

The show was over.

My name wasn't over.

Ted, I worked over a month on this show. I would really like to hear what people

had to say about it.

Mr. Grant, what did you think? Honest opinion.

My honest opinion?

Considering the budget and the other problems you had, you did a pretty good

job, Mary.

Pretty good script, too, Murray.

Oh, thanks, Lou. Thanks.

And Ted?

Yeah, Lou?

You were controlled and dignified.

I think you were the best I have ever seen you.

Just great.

Boy Lou, when you drink, you're really nasty.