Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

What's wrong?

Oh, I don't know, Murray. I just feel so tired.

My bones ache.

Well, maybe you're catching something.

Oh, I hope not. I hate being sick. I hate lying in bed and having your

bring you these dumb word games that they wouldn't play with you even if you

were a well person.

Having people send you these cards with pictures of little puppies that have

thermometers in their mouths saying, Hope you're up.

Listen, Mayor, I hope you're not, but there is a bug going around.

Okay. And here it is now.

All right, gang, give it to me straight, and don't pull any punches.

Ted, don't say something like that to me.

But, Mayor, I want your opinion.

What do you think of my hair?

Well, you've got to be more specific, Ted.

It is in a good location.

It's part of my new youthful image.

Granted, I thought that at one time white added dignity, but now that I'm

dean of commentators, I think I can dispense with that.

Yeah, I dispensed with mine 15 years ago.

You know, Ted, it really doesn't look any different.

But that's the beauty of this stuff. You put a little dab on every day, and in

seven days, it turns jet black.

But it's so gradual that nobody knows...

I just talked to the station manager. He says I have to take somebody to that

formal dinner he's having for the department heads tonight.

He says it makes people uncomfortable if one guy goes stag. Oh, well, Mr. Grant,

I tried to get you a date a couple of months ago, and you know what a disaster

that was. Mary, I don't like this any more than you do, but I have to go, and

have to take somebody.

I think I can help you, Lou. No, thanks, Ted.

Girl for Lou.

Babs, Dee Dee, Trixie.

Ted. How come some of those girls have Christmas seals next to their names?

Because it's too cheap to buy gold stars.

Hey, look at that, Lou. Two and a half seals.

Hello, Eunice.

This is Ted Baxter.

That's funny. She hung up.

I wonder how she knew I was calling for you.

Mary, you must know someone.

Mr. Grant, don't you think you should find your own date?

Mary, I'm... I don't know how to do that sort of thing.

I haven't done that sort of thing since before I married Edie. Well, things

haven't changed, Lou. You do it the same way you did then.

Okay. Where's the nearest victory canteen?

Listen, I'd like to help you, but I just... I don't know anybody.

Well, you're right, Mary.

I won't ask you to find me a date. Thank you, Mr. Grant. You can be my date.

Oh, Mr. Grant, I don't think that's such a good idea.

I mean, you're my boss. If we went out...

might start talking.

Oh, come on, Mary. Everybody knows I don't like skinny girls.

Oh,

Mr. Grant.

Don't you look nice.

You're not dressed.

I know.

Hey, listen.

I don't want to go to this thing any more than you do. But if we're late,

miss the best part, the drinking.

go with you tonight. Mary, you have to go tonight. I have to take somebody.

But, Mr. Grant, I think that I'm really coming down with something, something

big. Anyway, I talked to Rhoda, and she said that she would be happy to go with

you. Rhoda? I don't want to go with Rhoda, Mary.

But Rhoda's a lot of fun. You know, she's a lot of laughs.

Hey, I don't want to go with someone who's fun. I don't want to go with

who's a lot of laughs. I want to go with you.

You like Rhoda. She dresses funny.

She doesn't. Well, what about the time when we went to lunch together?

And she had on that T -shirt that said, I live to boogie.

Mr. Grant, she won't wear a funny T -shirt tonight.

I'm sorry you're not going to be there. They really have great food there.

Oysters on a half shell.

Yeah. Now, we don't want to be late, Rhoda, so why don't you run upstairs and

change?

Ted!

Ted! What happened to your hair?

What about my hair? I don't know what you mean.

It's the same youthful shade it's always been.

Oh, I just thought it was dirty.

She's sick. Hey, Murray, you think maybe we ought to send her flowers? Yeah, you

already did.

Well, why didn't you ask me? I wanted to sign the card. Why didn't you wait?

I wanted to send flowers to Mary, too.

I always want to send flowers, and I always forget.

Remember the nice girl in personnel who had a baby?

I wanted to send her flowers, and I forgot.

Then later, when she left to get married, I forgot again.

Mary, I care a lot about Mary, and I want to send her flowers. Right, Lou. So

I.

Tell you what, you arrange for the flowers, I'll send the card.

Hi, Lou.

Hi. Murray.

Hi. Oh, don't stop talking on my account.

I'm not shocked by a little good earthy man talk.

So go on.

What were you two men talking about?

Flowers.

Mary's home sick. We're sending her something.

Oh, Lou, may I make a tiny suggestion?

Instead of flowers, why don't you brighten Mary's sick room with a bowl of

goldfish?

Goldfish? What does she want with goldfish? They're so practical,

their little bowl. They're jolly, cheerful friends.

And then afterward, when they're dead, they make wonderful fertilizer for her.

Anybody want half a tuna sandwich?

couldn't make it to the party last night, I wish I had known. I could have

helped you out. I could have gone with you.

I took Rhoda.

Oh, Lou, how lucky you were to find a last -ditch alternative.

I had fun.

In fact, I really had a lot of fun.

Uh, listen, Sue Ann, I think I'll call Mary and see how she's feeling.

Well, look, I just called to see how you were feeling and to see if you got the

flowers I told Murray to send.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Uh, look, Mary, have you by any chance seen

Rhoda since, uh... Oh, yes, Mr. Grant. As a matter of fact, she's sitting right

here.

Yeah, she was saying that she had a really good time, too.

Yeah. Yeah, she says that you're some dancer for a man of your height.

Say, Mary, do you think, I mean, you know her pretty well, huh?

I mean, not that it matters.

I mean, it's no big deal.

But do you think she'd go out with me again?

Gee, Mr. Granson, she's sitting right here.

Why don't you ask her yourself?

Hi, Lou.

Oh, yeah, me too. It was a fun evening.

Great dinner.

Yeah. I loved having grapefruit at night. So classy.

Oh, sure. Sure, anytime.

Oh, the hockey game Friday night sounds terrific.

No, no, really. I love hockey. Yeah.

Yeah, and if it happens, I'm not doing anything Friday night.

Yeah. Good, Lou.

You're right. You got yourself a date. See ya.

Wow, Rhoda. Twice, huh?

Hey, you better watch it, kid. People will start talking.

Paul, this is Rhoda. Listen, I have to break our date Friday night.

I'm surprised your, um, friend hasn't dropped in to help.

You mean Rhoda?

You can't say no to anyone.

I love how your wood drinks up this polish.

As if it had been thirsty for months.

Yeah, I probably don't do it as often as I should.

Chairs are like people, Mary.

They like to have their little backs and legs...

I really must fly.

Sue Ann, thank you for everything.

Now, you be sure and take good, good care.

Stay warm, avoid drafts, get sun, force fluids, drain sinuses, inhale steam, eat

roughage, no pizza, and rest, rest, rest.

And then every day, in every way, you'll just get better and better.

That sounded like the graduation speech at Oral Roberts.

Anne has been giving me.

I bet she didn't try the best. My Aunt Miriam's. Oh, if all else fails, Aunt

Miriam said, change your name.

I'm not kidding.

Change the name. That way, the angel of death cannot find you.

You know, too, Anne is really jealous of your seeing Mr. Grant. Oh, yeah.

I mean, she's really curious about the two of you.

I mean, she just so obviously wanted to know what happened tonight. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah.

I mean, if she could have found the words, I'm sure she would have just come

right out and asked you.

She asked me, you know, and I had to, of course, tell her that I didn't know,

but that I was certain that when Rhoda got ready to tell me, that Rhoda would

tell me. You know,

he's such a relief from the guys I've been going out with.

There's no pressure.

There's no unspoken questions.

I mean, he's a man and I'm a woman, but we can go out, have a great time, you

know, no big problem and no questions asking yourself, you know, like, where

it leading?

Oh, yeah, right, because that can be a drag. I mean, with Lou, a guy like that,

you don't face that awkward moment when the guy takes you to the door. Lou

leaves you at the curb.

all your good mood, but Marie wants me to ask you to come over for dinner

tonight. His sister is visiting us. Again.

Gee, Marie, I can't. Good answer, Lou.

No, tell Marie thanks, but I'm having dinner with Rhoda tonight.

Well, you know, I really think it's terrific about you two.

What is terrific?

The situation.

There's nothing going on. There is no situation.

Oh, come on, Lou. You and Rhoda have become an item.

Oh, come on, Marie.

I'm very low.

Say, Lou, I hear you and Rhoda are going out again.

That's right.

Well, I know you don't want my advice, Lou, but I've had a little experience in

this area, and I... What is it, Lou?

Oh, sorry, Ted. I was just trying to visualize a situation in which I would

your advice.

I just think a man ought to act his age.

Ted, you shouldn't wear those cheap hats in the rain.

Taylor, frankly, I think you unrolled our mistake.

You're entitled to an opinion, Ted, but that's not it.

And I want that gook out of your hair by lunch.

It's my personal hair, Lou, and what I do with it.

is my business.

And my life is personal. What I do with it is my business.

But, Lou, a recently separated man who's seriously involved with a single girl,

people are going to talk about it. Ted, we're not involved.

We go out, we have fun, we have a few laughs.

She likes hockey. She likes an occasional beer.

Sure, Lou.

There is nothing going on.

Didn't notice a thing.

So, how are you feeling?

Fine. You know, a little shaky. I didn't feel like driving, so I had Rhoda drop

me off.

So, what's going on?

Nothing. There is nothing going on.

Nothing.

What's the matter with him?

Well, Lou's a little sensitive about his thing with Rhoda.

What thing? Murray, come on. I talked to Rhoda. The only thing that's going on

is that they went out a couple of times and...

Come on, Bear.

Everybody knows that Lou and Rhoda are an item.

I was talking to my mom about it last night.

You know what she said?

There's no fool like an old fool.

There's one thing my mom can't bear is a fool.

Now, if we could just get Lou back for his senses.

Sue Ann.

Now, look, I think they make a charming couple. Murray, will you stop saying

that? Oh, I don't blame Rhoda. Any single girl is attracted to an older

They are?

Oh, of course. How else do you account for the parade of chorus girls and

starlets on the arms of silver -haired gentlemen?

Say, Murray, if any... If anybody wants me, I'll be in the makeup room borrowing

some shampoo.

Hiya, Walt.

Hiya, Rhoda. Here, you left your umbrella in the car. Oh, and I was

you went out far, you'd get wet. Thank you.

Rhoda, gossip may not bother you, but others could get hurt.

What? Listen, Rhoda. Listen, you just stay and hang in there. You can really

lick this thing.

Rhoda, don't pay any attention to either one of them. They don't know what

they're talking about.

to cancel dinner this evening, I'll understand.

I don't want to cancel dinner tonight. Well, neither do I. But I can

I mean, I don't care myself about, you know, but maybe you do.

No, no, I don't care. Good, I'll see you tonight. No, of course not. Tonight,

yeah. Care about what?

Mary? Ted?

Will you tell me what's going on in his office?

I mean, what is the big secret that I'm not in on?

It's hair coloring, Rhoda. I'm really an older man.

I've had so many dinners, I thought I'd make dinner for you tonight.

Come on in.

Come in. I thought we'd, you know, go out to dinner.

Lou, it's all made.

Sit down.

You want a drink?

Yeah, I could use a drink.

Okay, I got Mogan David Blackberry.

Oh, no, that's a little too sweet for me.

Right. I like it myself.

Sometimes I freeze it and make popsicles.

Well, now, wait.

Here's a bottle of something brown. I'll take it. I'll take it.

Well, listen, it's founded in 1849, a good year. Oh, one of the best.

Okay. Good. I'm glad I have it.

You know, this is the first time I've been alone

with you in your apartment.

Ted started to sing, I Gotta Be Me.

Yeah, well, anyway, it's the first time I've been here since you and I became an

item.

An item? Who thinks we're an item?

Ted. Oh, who cares?

The only man in the world who takes the phone off the hook to watch Yogi Bear.

It's too well.

Next.

Chuckles the clown.

Uncle Oompa the poker friend.

I guess the only one who doesn't think that we're an item is Mary.

Well, thank heavens for Mary.

At least there's one realistic person who knows that there's nothing going on

between us. Right, good.

I don't know if it's a Scotch or Mary, but I'm feeling a lot better.

Terrific. Yeah,

come in there. Here are the earrings you wanted to borrow.

Oh, yeah. Hi, Mr. Grant. Hi, Mary.

Listen, kid, I won't be needing them.

I decided to stay in tonight.

Oh.

Oh, well, then I'll just trot back down to my little apartment and put the

earrings away.

I have this little box that I keep them in.

Well, unless you think you'd maybe change your mind. You'd want to go out

You didn't want to. Do we? Do you?

No. Well, then you have no use for them.

I can't have dinner. Oh, come on. No, thank you. No, you can't. Really, no. Uh

-uh. No, I've got a lot to do. I've got to put my earrings away.

Goodbye.

Did you get the feeling that she was the tiniest bit ill at ease?

I've known Mary for four years. This is the first time she's been unable to look

me straight in the eye while discussing earrings.

Is there something going on between us that we don't know about?

think so.

Then why is it suddenly so complicated?

Yeah, this whole thing is getting awfully complicated for a hockey game.

The minute something nice starts to happen, people come along and louse it

for you. Yeah.

Everybody sure managed to take the fun out of it, didn't they?

Listen, I don't mind gossip about me. In fact, I used to start it.

But see, you... Listen, you gotta work with all those people.

So maybe, you know.

Yeah.

But listen, it's been swell.

Really fun.

Yeah.

And the heck of it is, I really like you.

Oh.

And I really like you too, Lou.

Really.

No, no, it's not gonna bother us. Okay.

Now the North stars are meeting the Rangers tomorrow. Do you want to go? Do

want to go? I don't want to miss that game.

Listen, I'll, uh, I'll pick you up at the newsroom. No, no, no, no, no.

I'll, uh, I'll pick you up here at the apartment.

Tell you what, let's just meet at the game.

Well, actually, Ted sent the card.

Oh, yes, I know.

Huh. Well, who else would send a picture of Ted inscribed, thanks for watching

and get well soon?

Hi, Lou.

Hi. See, Lou, now that you have your life to yourself again, I was wondering

perhaps you and I could get together tonight.

Terrific, Sue Ann.

Yeah. Tell you what.

I'll meet you right after work, and we'll go over to the driving range and

bucket of balls.

Oops.

Silly me.

I'd love to, but I just remembered I have a big show tomorrow, and I have to

breadcrumb my chicken parts.