All language subtitles for mary_tyler_moore_s04e19_best_of_enemies

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it, love is all around

lonely too.

Wasted you can never tell why don't you
take it you're gonna

of dusk, the bank felt the robbers enter
and

violate it?

Ted, what kind of news story is this?

It's a technique I learned in my
creative writing class, Lou.

It's called personification.

I rewrote Murray's story telling of the
bank robbery from the bank's point of

view.

Ted, don't write anymore.

We're not even sure we want you to read,
so don't write it.

Well, I only took the course loop
because I heard Cronkite sometimes

news, and if Cronkite can do it, Baxter
can do it. And if Baxter can do it, a

duck can do it.

If it weren't for me, we wouldn't have
that swell scoop right now.

Ted, don't say scoop.

Scoop is what Lois Lane says to Clark
Kent.

If you want to say scoop, go get a job
on the Daily Planet.

have to do this story over again. Take
out Ted's words and put back Murray's.

Right. Murray, have you finished that
editorial yet? I'd like to read it

we go in the air. Here's the first page.
I've got to proof the rest.

I know what it is that's bothering him.

I've faced it all my life.

When you're really good looking, nobody
takes you seriously.

Hiya, Mayor.

Hi. Your car and I are here.

Oh. And I put in a full tank of gas for
you. Hey, that's great.

Yeah, listen, it's getting pretty hard
to get gas these days.

Give the attendant a free set of
glasses.

Boy, Mary, you know something? You got a
real Miz job.

What do you mean?

Well, this is the kind of job Gloria
Steinem wants you to have. Oh, yeah,

Whereas my job, Gidget would have passed
up to go hang tin.

Oh, come on.

It's the truth, Mayor.

Responsibility, all this excitement.

Although one semi -exciting thing did
happen to me at work today.

Oh, yeah? What's that? They fired a
window dresser.

She stole a mannequin.

Listen, Rhoda, give me just a few
minutes, Lee. I've got to finish this

Yeah, it's a short story, though, Mia.
Listen, they were interviewing people

the job, right? So they were all set to
hire this one girl.

And then they found out she lied about
having a lot of previous experience.

Oh, Rhoda, listen, really, I've got to
get this done.

Right, sure.

They'll probably hire her anyway,
though.

I think they should.

I mean, everybody lies on job
applications.

I know I have. Sure. Hey, Mia, you lied
on your job application for this, right?

You said you were a college graduate.

Remember? Rhoda!

Oh, I'm sorry. You've got to finish. Go
on. Go ahead.

Rhoda, could I speak to you for just a
moment?

Yes. Ted,

would you excuse us?

Oh, yes, sure.

Rhoda, that application thing is
something I felt really funny about, and

didn't want anyone to know. I still
don't. Oh, Mary, that's so silly. I

listen, you've been here for three
years.

Who cares? No one does.

Rhoda! I'll prove it to you.

Lou, you don't care if Mary isn't a
college graduate, do you? Why should I

See, because she said on her application
that she was.

Mary.

You were the last human being on earth I
trusted to always tell the truth.

What a relief.

We'll have to talk about this. Yes,
we'll have to talk about this, Mary. I'd

like to know what other little stories
you made me swallow over the years.

Are you happy?

You lied.

Oh,

Mary lied.

Little Miss Perfect lied.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

I have some work to do. I could have
done things like that, you know.

I could have said that I was a college
graduate.

Sure, why pay tuition? You want to be a
college graduate?

Just lie and say it like Mary.

What else did you make up little stories
about, Mary? If, in fact, your name is

Mary. Mr. Grant, do you want this
rewritten?

Yeah.

I want it rewritten. I want it rewritten
by a college graduate.

I bet you didn't even go to college at
all. Yes, I did, Ted. I went for two

years. Oh, sure, two years. Let's see,
that must have been when I got my Ph .D.

at Heidelberg.

Ted, you're on.

Oh, I am? How am I doing?

Come on, Ted, you can't possibly be
upset.

Oh, yeah, well, I think I am. No, you
just can't be.

I can't be because I obviously am, so I
can be.

No, you're not.

Why would you be upset by it, huh?

Okay, Rhoda, I will try to explain it to
you. My day was going just great. Then

you walked in here and you told
something that I had asked you not to

And then when I told you how upsetting
and embarrassing it was getting for me,

you refused to believe it and refused to
believe that I am upset.

Now you're being ridiculous.

And I can't believe how insensitive
you're being. Hey, I don't like that.

Oh, Rhoda, I'm sorry.

For the last 20 minutes, you've been
humiliating me, and I say one little

to you. Yeah, but that one little thing
is something that I'm very sensitive

about. My insensitivity.

Okay, Rhoda, let's just not talk about
it anymore, okay? Good, let's not talk

about it anymore. Good. I'm leaving.
Good.

Mood, you're in. I don't want to drive
home with you anyway. Terrific.

Murray, would you drive me home?

Are you too upset to drive?

Are you sure you're all right?

Yeah, I'm all right. You can go, really.
I'm just, I'm fine. Because I can stay

if you're upset.

Yeah, well, I'm upset, you know, but I'm
not so upset that you can't go.

Okay.

Murray, am I wrong?

Mary, you're asking the wrong person.
You know how I feel about you. I mean, I

still believe you graduated from
college.

Well, it's just so crummy.

Well, what are you doing?

to stay busy, so I organized things.

When I was a kid, if I got mad, my
mother used to put me in whatever room

tidying up.

Mary, I have this friend who goes to a
psychiatrist and he told him that when

you're mad, it's healthy to yell at the
person you're mad at. Or to just plain

yell in general.

He said it's very good for you. It makes
you feel good after it's over.

Boy, you know, Murray, there have been
times when I wanted to let out a really

good... scream, you know.

But I always thought I was too thin, you
know.

I mean, I thought being a thin person
that the scream would just be very thin.

Yeah, it's hard.

My friend is very embarrassed about
screaming.

To cover, he takes roller coaster rides.

Yeah, he got in trouble when he screamed
at his job once. He's a surgeon.

like this happening, being on the outs
with somebody I really like.

You know, Murr, if I thought I was
wrong, I would apologize in a minute.

You think I was wrong?

No. Did Mr. Grant?

Well, he did at first.

Yeah? Yeah, but later he said he thought
Rhoda just went too far.

So everyone thinks I'm right? Everyone
but Ted. He thinks you're wrong.

Then I guess I'm right.

Oh, Murray.

It's lonely being right.

Everybody, uh, before I say good
morning, I just wanted to say that, um,

that little scene that I was a part of
here yesterday. Well, um, I'm sorry.

morning! Good morning.

Actually,

I'm really embarrassed about it.

You know, I always thought that if you
just said you were embarrassed about

something, then you wouldn't be
embarrassed anymore.

I was wrong.

Come on, Mary.

It was okay, really.

Well, I don't know.

I was so shaken, I mispronounced some
words in the news.

I knew there had to be a good
explanation.

Mary, do you want to come in my office
for a minute?

Mary, I brought you in here to make you
feel better, but I've got a meeting in

five minutes, so look.

The reason I hired you had nothing to do
with what you said on your application.

I hired you because you were right for
the job.

And because on your way in for the
interview, you bumped into a desk and

excuse me.

I did?

Excuse me. To a desk.

I thought there's something special
about a person who's nice to an

object.

Most people, you know, just couldn't
care less.

So I just wanted you to know that you're
kind of special to me.

Oh, Mr. Grant.

How are you feeling?

Oh, I feel okay.

Huh?

Well, I've got two more minutes.

Thank you.

And everybody at the station likes you.
I heard it four times today.

I like Mary. I like Mary. I like Mary. I
like Mary.

Mary,

if you're not feeling better yet, I
guess I can be late.

Oh, no, Mr. Grant, I feel better.

Oh, not a moment too soon.

Thank you.

Say, now that you and Rhoda are on the
outs, what do you say we have dinner

together sometime this week?

Nothing fancy.

A steak?

Baked potato, good red wine, that kind
of thing. Mr. Grant, that sounds really

nice. I like that.

Okay, I'll be over at your place Friday
night.

Oh, hi, Georgia.

Hi.

I hope I didn't interrupt you because I
know how you value your privacy.

Everybody values their privacy except
me.

Oh, no. No, really. I'm glad to have the
company.

Especially tonight.

I can't stay.

That's what I came over to tell you.
Rhoda invited me for dinner tonight.

And I just couldn't walk past your door
as though I didn't know who lived here.

Oh, no. Well, listen, we can stay a few
minutes anyway, can't you? No.

Please don't worry about that.

But, Mary, I do worry about that. I'm
worried sick over you and Rhoda.

I've been having these ridiculous
thoughts about how I can get you two to

friends again.

We'll be friends again.

Don't worry.

But it's been a while, and you're still
not back together.

I was thinking of drastic things to do,
like pretending to spray my ankle on the

stairs so you both come running out to
see why I was screaming in pain.

But I'm not that good at fooling. And
frankly, even though I like you both so

much, it's not worth really spraining
and angling.

But is there anything I could do?

No, really, not a thing. You just tell
Rhoda hello.

You mean it? Yes.

Tell Rhoda hello.

This could do it, Mary.

Just a minute ago. She knew I was coming
up here.

Oh. Well, tell her I say hello.

Okay. Well, not now!

You don't have to tell him now.

Tell her after dinner.

What's in the box?

I got us the cutest cupcake she ever
saw. Oh, yeah? With Leonard Hummel's

in mocha on each one.

Who's Leonard Hummel?

I don't know.

But it's his birthday. He has the
stomach flu, poor little kid. That's how

we're having his cupcakes.

Oh, that's a shame, huh? And he has such
a sweet face, and he looks so happy.

I guess this was taken before he had the
flu.

Very thoughtful of you, Georgette. Thank
you.

Rhoda. What?

It's so hard for me to believe Rhoda and
Mary not friends.

Oh, Georgette.

But you two belong together.

I won't say you're like peas in a pod.
because I hate peas, Rhoda, and I won't

say you're like sisters because you're
more than sisters.

I'll just say, Rhoda, I'll just say that
you, Rhoda and Mary, are a lot like

Pittsburgh.

Look, I'll get these sketches out of
your way so you can see. What are they

Oh, these are for the window display for
Easter, you know, down at the store.

I had to prepare two sets because they
still haven't decided if they want to go

cute or Christian.

Give you a salad and stir there. The
dressing's fine.

Looks great.

I hope you like it.

Okay, Georgette, how are Mary and I a
lot like Pittsburgh?

Pittsburgh Road is the place where the
Allegheny River and the Monongahela

meet to form the mighty Ohio River.

Now, separately, the Monongahela and the
Allegheny River are two little skinny

rivers. But when they meet in
Pittsburgh, well...

You love each other, you need each
other.

Look, Georgette, I really... I mean,
people need best friends.

Okay, you be my best friend, okay?

Oh, I don't think so, Rhoda. I don't
think I could handle a big

First I'd have to start with someone
easier, and then after I got some

experience, then maybe I could be your
best friend.

But right now, I think I'm a little
green for you, Rhoda.

I've never had zucchini coated with this
stuff before.

It's great. What do you call this stuff?

Flour.

Flour, huh?

Oh, flour's pretty good.

I gotta get me some.

Mary,

we got together tonight to have a good
time.

You know what's missing?

Good. All we're having is a time.

I'm sorry, Mr. Grant. It's just that I'm
not very good company tonight.

Hey, I got an idea.

I'll joke you out of it. Joke me out of
it?

I'll tell you a joke. You'll think it's
funny. You'll laugh. You'll be joked out

of it.

Okay.

Joke me out of it.

I can't tell you a joke if you're going
to sit like that.

A joke's got to spring up at you. You
can't make a big thing out of it. You

already made too big a thing out of it.
I'm sorry. It's a pretty funny joke,

too. Go ahead and tell him.

Okay.

Here goes.

What would happen?

If Billie Jean King married Bobby
Riggs... What? Her husband would be very

upset.

See, that was a joke that we could both
enjoy.

It had women's lib in it for you and
sports in it for me.

It was a joke for us.

A lot of jokes aren't like that.

Boy, I know a lot of jokes that neither
of us would like.

I should have stopped by the bar on my
way here and picked up a better joke.

Oh, Mr. Grant, it was a good joke. It's
just, all night long I've been thinking

about this thing with Rhoda, and tonight
I'm just about as depressed as I've

ever been in my whole life.

You think you're going to cry?

Yeah, I think I'm going to cry.

Oh, boy.

And I know how you hate that sort of
thing, so...

I hate that sort of thing.

If you'll excuse me, then I'll just go
cry in the kitchen. Yeah, that would be

good idea.

that they're gaining weight.

You know, they get great advice on diets
and things.

If I say I'm gaining weight, people say,
good.

If I have a cold and I feel really
miserable, the only thing people say is,

don't you look cute with that little
red.

Listen, Mary.

No, no, listen.

Because people make jokes doesn't mean
that they don't care.

People make jokes because it's a way of
covering up their feelings.

People can make jokes and really care,
Mary.

That's a very insightful thing you just
said.

Yeah, well, I got lucky.

Usually I'm not so insightful.

Once in a while I take a shot and I get
lucky.

Actually, Mary, this whole conversation
is really over my head.

Hey, you know what I think would be the
best thing you could do for yourself

right now?

What? Forget your problems. Think about
something else.

Like what?

Basketball. There's a great game
tonight.

Might take your mind off things.

And I have a bet on it.

You know, Mary, this isn't such a bad
evening.

We had a dinner hour.

The crying...

on my way down to take down my garbage.
Me too.

So, that's a great deal of garbage
there.

For one person.

Oh, no, I usually have this much
garbage.

Really? Yes. I never knew that. Oh, yes,
always.

It's funny, isn't it? You know a person
for a long time and you know absolutely

nothing about their garbage. Oh.

It's true.

Uh,

Georgette?

You said you said hello.

Oh, yes, I did. I said hello.

Did you get my hello back?

No. No?

Oh, wait a minute. She did stop by on
her way back, and she said, uh, hello.

Was that you?

Well, I guess I better, uh, take my
garbage down. Hey, Mary, listen. There's

something you should know about my
garbage.

This isn't it. I took it down two days
ago.

Oh? This garbage is...

counterfeit.

I mean, I have $35 worth of makeup in
here, and if I throw this away, I will

lose that natural look.

Mary, I was on my way down to talk to
you.

Really? Yes, I was.

It's so stupid, hiding behind fake
garbage.

I figured if I chickened out when I was
on my way to apologize to you, that I

would just, you know... You don't have
to explain.

I know, I know.

Mary, I went crazy this week. I know, me
too. All week long I kept thinking,

something's wrong, I've got to talk to
Rhoda, and then I would remember that it

was you.

Mary, look, let's never, never, never,
never, ever, no.

It is no snapping without my best
friend, I've got to tell you. I went up

total strangers and said, do you think
you'd like me better in a shag?

Do you know that I have been getting
close to Ted?

Gee, I know we've made up because I'm
hungry.

That lump in my stomach has become air.

Do you want to go out and get something
to eat? Yes, I would love it.

Oh, great, great.

Well, five days to catch up.

So what's new?

Oh, well, this week I met a United
States senator.

We fell in love.

We got married. Thursday I had two
children.

Now we're both married.

Listen, I hate to say this, but I am
still hungry.

Well, I got some cottage cheese in the
fridge.

Mary, please. Nobody makes up with
cottage cheese.

Did you ever watch Father Knows Best?

Yeah. Well, on Father Knows Best, when
everybody would make up, Mrs. Knows Best

would bring out milk and cookies.

Do you have any milk and cookies? No.

Ted, hi.

Okay, I'm glad I found you two together.

Mary, sit down on the sofa.

Rhoda, sit down.

Sit down right over there.

Now, I'm going to say this once, and I'm
going to say it fast, so you better

listen hard.

Now, Georgette is worried sick about you
two.

Today we were having dinner at our
favorite out -of -the -way restaurant,

she was so upset about you two, she
dropped her tray.

Now, I'm here to see to it that you two
stop fighting and get along with the

business of being buddies again.

Okay, Mary, tell Rory you're sorry.

Ted. Tell Rona you're sorry. I'm sorry.

Rona, tell Mary you're sorry. I'm sorry,
Mary. I am so sorry. You don't know how

sorry I am. Okay, that's enough sorry.

Now, shake hands. Oh, Ted.

Shake hands, you two.

I feel a little like Kissinger here.

Okay, we made up. Are you happy now?
Okay, okay, that's good. Now that

everything's okay, maybe Georgia will
start worrying about me now.

Oh, but remember.

I hear that you two are fighting again.

I'm going to come right back down here
and straighten you two out.

Well, in a threat like that, I'd say you
and I could be friends for a long time.