Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

That was a really nice place.

Yeah, we should have lunch there more often.

Thanks a lot.

Why didn't you tell me you were going out? I had to go to lunch alone.

Well, you look like you were busy.

Well, I had to eat lunch alone.

I went to a bar and I lost $14 on a soap opera.

On a soap opera? Yeah, I bet the baby was legitimate.

Sure there is. They were making out.

No, I mean, you know, things aren't always what they seem.

You see that they were on the couch together. Did Ted see you?

Eventually.

Did he say anything?

He said, uh -oh.

Ted always was a fast thinker.

Georgette, just don't make up your mind about anything yet, huh?

Say, Mary.

Would you get Ted for me? I've been calling his dressing room for an hour.

some reason, he must have taken his phone off the hook. Oh, Mr. Ted.

Don't cry.

Why? Oh, it can't be all that bad. No.

Try and look at the bright side.

What bright side?

There's always a bright side. So, Mary, why don't you get Georgette a nice cup

of hot tea?

Georgette, why don't you sit right here and relax?

And, Mary, why don't you tell me what we're talking about?

Hi, guys. Georgette.

What did you run away for?

Uh, Ted, wouldn't you and Georgette like to be alone?

Oh, why should we want to be alone? It's not like anything is wrong.

Ted, who was that woman in your dressing room?

What woman?

The woman you were kissing.

Kissing?

Oh, you... Oh, you thought... You thought we were... Oh, Georgette.

What were you doing?

What was I doing?

Well, well. The person you saw was a licensed vacuum cleaner salesman.

And when she plugged in her demonstration model, she received a

shock and fell on my couch.

And it looked to me like she stopped breathing, so I proceeded to give her

-to -mouth resuscitation.

You know, in with the good air, out with the bad.

For ten frightening minutes, I worked over her, Georgette.

In with the good air, out with the bad.

Until finally, by some miracle, I felt life.

coming back into her body.

And that's when you walked in.

Oh, Ted.

You know, somehow I knew there had to be a good explanation.

And she really bought it?

Yeah, she seemed to at the time.

But she called me a little while ago. She sounded really upset. She wants to

come over and talk.

Oh, boy. You've got to give Ted credit. I mean, that is quite a story. Bringing

a vacuum cleaner salesman back to life.

Ever hear a story like that before?

Once, on Catherine Coleman.

Catherine wouldn't swallow that story, though. No.

Hi, Georgette.

Come on in.

Hi, Rhoda. Hi, Georgette. How are you? Not so good.

Mary?

That woman in Ted's dressing room, she's not a vacuum cleaner salesman.

Oh? What makes you think that?

Well, after I left Ted, I met her in the elevator.

And I asked her how she was feeling, and she said, fine. She asked me how I was

feeling, and I said, fine.

And I said, that must have been quite a shock for you.

And she said,

it must have been quite a shock for you, too.

That made me suspicious, so I said, where's your vacuum cleaner?

George, yes.

So I ran back to his dressing room and I said, Ted, you made that whole story

up. And he said, what story do you mean?

And I said, you know what story I mean. You made the whole thing up, that story

about giving that woman mouth -to -mouth resuscitation. And he said, oh, that

story.

So I told him I never want to see him again.

George, yes.

Please, don't be upset.

It's foolish of me to try and build my whole life around one man.

I'm going to get with it.

Get with what?

Today. The times.

Life. Myself. I'm going to start having fun.

If Ted can do it, I can do it. Now, wait, Georgette. Don't rush into

I mean, look, why would you want to change?

You are what you are.

No, Rhoda. I used to be what I am, but I'm not anymore.

I'm going to go to singles resorts.

I'm going to kiss on the first date.

Oh, Georgette, now wait. No, you don't want to do this. Look, look at this. The

Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking is dangerous to your

health. Right here by the flowers.

The Surgeon General never went steady with Ted Baxter.

Come on, Georgette. You don't want to start smoking.

What if I don't inhale?

No.

How about if I don't light it?

Georgette, no.

Okay, then I want to drink.

I would think you'd give it to me.

All right, all right, Georgette, I will give you a drink of scotch.

How would you like it? Neat.

I heard somebody order it that way.

Okay, here you are.

Scotch, neat. Thank you.

That tastes good.

Is Lou in his office?

No, he's not. He stepped out for a minute.

Ted, what's the matter? Are you all right?

I think we're going to have to cancel the news tonight.

Can't go on. What do you mean, cancel the news?

It's just not in me.

All I can think of is Georgette.

You know what I did last night? I sat up and watched that ant village you gave

me for my birthday.

Ant village?

Yeah, that's a colony of ants in a glass box. You can look in and see everything

they do.

There's this one big red ant she named Ted after me.

And there's one little one I named Georgette after her.

We used to call them our love ants.

You're probably going to think this is silly.

What? Love ants?

Silly? I think that Ted and Georgette the ants know there's something wrong

Ted and Georgette the people.

Ted was carrying this... A giant breadcrumb from the third level to the

level. And Georgette wouldn't help him. She crawled right past him like she

didn't even recognize him or anything.

I'm sure Ted and Georgette will work it out somehow.

The ants or the people?

No use, Mary.

I can't go on. We're just going to have to cancel the news.

What do you mean, cancel the news?

I'm just not up to it, Lou.

There's trouble between Ted and Georgette.

The people.

the news. You go on in three minutes. Well, you're just going to have to, Lou.

don't think I'm going to make it.

Ted, it's too late to tell the world not to do anything today. We cannot cancel

the news.

Mr. Grant.

Mr.

Grant, Ted's really upset and I don't think yelling is going to do any good.

if you could try to just be patient.

Okay.

Ted.

Oh, sure there are. Sure there are.

Now, picture in your mind, Ted, the average citizen of Minneapolis -St.

Let's call him Joe.

Joe what?

Joe Twin City.

Now, he's had to fight the traffic all the way home, and now as he drives into

his garage, he's thinking of only one thing. What's that?

How nice it's going to be to sit down in his favorite chair, turn on the

television, and listen to Ted Baxter tell him what's going on in the world.

Picture it, Ted.

Joe Twin City walks up the front path.

His wife flings open the door.

What's her name?

Adele. Adele.

She greets him with a kiss. She hands him his drink.

Martini. Very dry. Two olives.

Now, he turns on the television, waiting to be enlightened and informed.

And instead of Ted Boxer, what does he see?

Dead air.

You think you'll notice the difference?

Do that to him, Ted, to Joe Twin City.

No, I can't, Lou. Good. Murray, now get in there and do the nudes.

I'll do the best I can, Lou. That's all we can expect, Ted. It's more than we

ever got.

What happened between Ted and Georgette anyway?

Well, she wouldn't help him lift the giant red crown.

Good evening, this is Ted Baxter with the 6 o 'clock news.

With Gordie Howard in the weather and Andy Rivers with the latest from the

of sports.

And now here's the news.

One moment, please.

Georgette, hi.

Are you busy?

No, come on in.

Hi, Rowan. Hi, Georgette. You look terrific. I had a date tonight.

Come on in.

Did you like the guy?

And he was intelligent.

Yeah. But he wasn't dead.

Listen, three out of three ain't bad.

I guess when you've centered your life around one person, it's sort of hard to

build new relationships.

I don't think it's just that, Mary.

In fact, I've made a decision about myself tonight.

I've decided I'm not cut out to be a wild woman.

I think that's a very wise decision.

I've decided to become a nun.

muster, there wouldn't be any.

Are you really serious about this?

Yes, I am, Mary.

I think it'd be a wonderful life.

I'd get up in the morning, then I'd pray, then I'd meditate, then I'd pray

more, then I'd meditate some more, then I guess it'd be time for lunch.

Well, you'll have worked up an appetite.

like to go to one of those orders where you don't get to say anything for weeks

at a time. Well, if that's what you want, go back to Ted.

No, Rhoda, I've decided. Tomorrow I'm going to a convent and sign up.

Georgette, look, I know you've had a rough time of it, but you don't want to

make a decision that's going to affect the rest of your life just on the spur

the moment.

It's not on the spur of the moment, Mary. It's something that's been in the

of my mind for a long time, ever since I read a beautiful poem in high school.

About becoming a nun. Listen, if I let a high school poem affect me, today I'd

be a tree.

Maybe I'm wrong. I mean, what was the poem?

It's called A Nun Takes the Veil by Gerard Manley Hopkins.

Oh, I think I've forgotten it.

I forgot the words, but I remember the feeling.

It's about a girl who's tired of the unhappiness of the world.

And she wants to go someplace where it's beautiful and peaceful.

And where she can be happy for the rest of her life. Georgette, do they take

Jewish girls?

Surprise, surprise.

Oh, hi, Georgette.

Mary, I just came from the convent. I spoke to one of the sisters.

What happened?

Well, when I told her... I wanted to become a nun. She asked why, and we had

nice long talk.

Now, Mary, could you do me a big favor? Yeah, sure. Well, Sister Ann, that's her

name, said she wanted to talk to somebody in my family, and since I don't

anybody in Minneapolis, she said, what about my closest friend?

So would you be my closest friend?

Oh, Georgette. Yeah, sure, thanks.

Thank you.

Would it be all right if I ask you to come by your apartment tonight after

Yeah, that'll be fine.

I get off work at 7.

I could pick you up on my way home.

Great. Okay, good.

Oh, that's wonderful. I'm so excited.

Maybe after she talks to you, you'll be interested and we can become nuns

together.

I don't think Mr. Grant would like that.

Mr. Grant won't like what?

Mary and I being nuns together.

Oh. Well, maybe if you catch him in a good mood.

I'm glad you came back to me.

Ted. No, no, no, it was terrific. You don't need to explain. I understand.

You know, it was just as hard on me as it was on you.

Hey, you know what happened to me last night? As soon as I started to read the

news, I broke down and cried.

Didn't I, Murray?

Yeah. Usually it's me.

But that's all behind us now.

My little girl has come back to me, and that's all that matters.

Ted, I just came to see Mary.

Nothing's changed.

Uh, Murray, maybe you and I ought to... No, wait.

Stay.

I want the whole world to hear what I have to say now.

All right, Georgette.

I strayed from the straight and narrow. I admit it. What are you saying? I

strayed from the straight and narrow.

But... But can you really blame me for being what I am?

I mean, do you blame a leaf because it falls in autumn?

Do you blame a wolf because it bathes at the moon?

You blame a morph because it eats your socks?

Do you?

Well, the morph I would be a little peeved at.

Georgette, I promise it'll never happen again.

Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

Yes, Ted, I forgive you.

But I think you'll have to find somebody else.

I was talking to my mother about this and she said, you young people, you'll

work it out.

Can you believe your own mother?

Hello. Hello.

Can I help you? I'm Sister Ann Hutchins from St.

Elizabeth's. Miss Richards?

No, I'm Rhoda Morgenstern. I live upstairs. Please come in. Thank you.

Mary will be a little late. She got held up at the office.

And she called me and asked me to come down and let you in. Oh, I see. You

gee, you know, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm a little surprised.

I mean, Mary said a nun was coming over. So, of course, I was expecting someone

dressed in a... Most of us dress any way we want.

Well, would you like to sit down? Thank you.

And can I get you anything?

Oh, no, no. You sure? I'm sure.

Well, listen, sister, I got to leave.

I got a guy waiting upstairs in my apartment for me.

Oh, forgive me.

best friends of mine.

I just wouldn't want any of my sisters to marry one.

Listen,

make yourself comfortable. Thank you. I'm sure Mary will be home any minute.

It's very nice to meet you, Rhoda. It was nice to meet you too, sister.

And I hate to leave you alone here.

But what the heck, you're not going to steal anything.

Is Mary home?

Well, no, she's not at the moment, but I'm expecting her any minute. Would you

like to come in and wait?

Oh, thanks.

Excuse me. Aren't you Ted Baxter, the newscaster?

Oh, you recognize me, huh?

Yes, I've seen your show.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

I'm sorry. I'm not very good company. I had a rough day today.

A girl walked out on me, and I pretty shook up.

I'm sorry to hear that.

She said she never wanted to see me again.

That's why I came over to see Mary and someone to talk to.

Well, if you want someone to talk to, maybe I could help.

Thank you.

No, it's incredible.

I came here to talk to Mary. Instead of Mary, there's this great -looking chick.

No, I think it's...

Fate that brought us together.

Fate? Fate, yes. Don't you believe in a higher power that rules over our

destiny?

Devoutly.

Well, what else do we need to know about each other?

Oh, what am I doing?

That's the way I lost my girl in the first place.

But on the other hand, she told me to go out to find another woman.

Heaven knows I'm tired of being lonely.

It's been five hours.

Please, I... I need someone to talk to.

Mr. Baxter, are you asking me for a date?

Is the Pope Catholic?

One is because she wants to find something, and the other is because she

to escape from something.

And I said, I want to find something.

She said, what? And I said, a place to escape from everything.

And then she explained that you should only become a nun if you really feel you

have a calling, you know, and not because you're just fed up with the

of the world. She seems to know Ted pretty well.

Ted. All right, Mary.

Georgia?

I figured you might be here.

Is the nun lady gone?

Yes, Ted, she's gone.

I know she might have told you, but it wasn't my fault what happened before.

I didn't know she was a nun.

I always thought they traveled in tubes.

What was she doing here, anyway?

Well, she came to talk to Georgette about becoming a nun.

Georgette, a nun?

Because of me?

Gee, I never had a girl become a nun over me before.

Had a girl become a stewardess once.

Ted, I'm not going to become a nun. They don't want me.

I want you, Georgette.

And how many other girls do you want?

Oh, come on, Georgette. Don't hold a grudge just because of one little

Rona, would you hold a grudge just because of what I did?

No, I wouldn't, Ted. See?

I would have killed you.

What do you want me to do?

I mean, do you want me to wear sackcloth and ashes?

No. Do you want me to shave my head?

No. Do you want me to come crawling back to you, begging your forgiveness on my

hands and knees?

That sounds good.

Ted, if we did get back together, things would have to be different between us.

Of course.

I'm sure you won't ask for anything.

I mean, you're a reasonable girl.

Isn't she a reasonable girl, Mary?

Reasonably reasonable.

I mean, you don't expect me to give up my freedom entirely, do you?

Yes, Ted, I do expect you to give up your freedom entirely.

Oh, that means you don't expect me to spend every night of the week with you.

Yes, Ted, I do expect you to spend every night of the week with me. What I mean

is you don't expect me to count you for everything I do. I mean, beat your beck

and call every minute of the day like a slave?

Yes, Ted, I do expect you to account for everything you do and to be at my beck

and call every minute of the day like a slave.

Well, that sounds reasonable.

Can I tell you something?

What? I love him.

Can I tell you something?

What? She loves me.

Come in.

Ted, I just wanted to drop off these promos. Oh, hi, Mary. Say, oh, just a

minute, Mary.

We want to show you something.

Oh, what?

We named an aunt after you.

Are you kidding?

Which one?

Oh, I hope it's this cute little one.

No, it's not.

We can switch, Ted. We can name anyone, Mary.

Oh, okay, I'll go along. It's this one, Mary.

Why isn't she moving?

Sometimes they're asleep.

Then again, sometimes they're dead.