Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after

I'm really sorry that Mr. Grant's a little late. I mean, I just don't

what happened. He's been at lunch for four and a half hours.

Ted, do you know where Mr. Grant might be?

Right now, Mayor.

Mr. Charney has been waiting to see him about that opening for a voiceover

announcer. Voiceover announcer, eh?

It's a pretty important job around here, you know.

You'd be the one to say, and now here's Ted Baxter with the news.

Yes, that's right.

I'm really looking forward to it.

It would be better if you came back some other time.

That's all right. I can wait.

Ah, here he is now, back from lunch at last.

Mary, could you get me something to eat? I'm starving.

Mr. Grant, Mr.

Charney here has been waiting to see you, and I didn't know where to reach

Oh, well, where I was, I was out.

Sure, it doesn't make any difference. I don't know why I even brought it up.

So anyway, Mr. Grant, this is Mr. Charney. How you doing, Charney?

Well, actually, where I was, I was at the barber's.

Yeah, I went to the barber's today.

The barber's? Yeah. Oh, sure.

Sure, a guy goes to the barber's and that's where a guy goes.

You didn't go to any barber today.

What was it, a little love in the afternoon?

Answer me that, huh? Ted, I really... Furthermore, I don't see any little tiny

hairs on the collar.

Where are those little tiny hairs on the collar?

Did you go to the barber today?

I feel like Columbo here.

Ted, get away from me.

I went to the barber's today, and I don't want to hear any more about it.

sure, Lou.

Mr. Grant?

Mr. Charney?

Oh, Mr. Charney, I'm sorry about keeping you waiting here. You seem fine for the

job. In fact, you're probably perfect. So why don't you start tomorrow?

Oh, wonderful.

Just wonderful.

Thank you.

Coming, Mr. Grant.

I'm sure his voice will get better.

No, I'm not worried about that.

Look, Mary.

I wasn't an adding barber.

But it wasn't what Ted thought either.

Oh, Mr. Grant, I knew it wasn't.

No, if it was that, it wouldn't take four hours.

Would you like to talk about it? Yeah, maybe I have to talk about it. But not

you. Maybe to Murray.

Because it's a man -to -man thing.

Oh, Mr. Grant, you know, that whole theory of man -to -man is just dumb.

You and I have confided in each other. I've told you things. You've told me

things. No, I never told you anything this big.

What difference does it make how big it is? Because you never told me anything

this big.

Well, Mary, to even it up a little, you're going to have to tell me

big.

But, Mr.

Grant... And it won't work if you're calling me Mr. Grant.

Call me Lou.

Well, would that be just for the purpose of this conversation or for, you know,

all time?

I'll decide later.

Not Mr. Grant?

Sure. Well, I'm glad it's okay.

Oh, yes, it's okay to say it.

Really, Mary?

Really.

Who?

Call me Mr. Grant.

Thank you.

Maybe you better send Mary in.

Okay.

But you're going to tell me something to break down the barrier.

Something so intimate that it's hard to even think about, much less talk about

to another human being.

Much less your own boss who you have to face every day.

Well, if it's the only way.

Something intimate.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

from work and it was you know really late and I was exhausted and I found

under my door a note from Rhoda saying could she please see me right away that

it was important and what I did was I pretended that I hadn't

seen the note

I just wanted to tell you, and so now I've told you.

Oh, and I'm glad you did.

Just wanted to get it off my chest.

And, you know, I feel better.

Just like they say, just by getting it off my chest and everything.

Hey, boy, what a difference.

Listen, I can't thank you enough.

Thanks. Thanks.

You sure you don't want to talk about it a little more?

No, no, I don't need to.

It all started to happen about... about four months ago.

Well, maybe four.

Listen, I want to thank you again.

It really helped.

Good, good.

Mr. Grant, if you want to talk about it, you know, a little later, I'll be

around. So will Murray.

Let's walk out.

Okay, Ted.

Bye, Edie. Listen, stranger things have happened.

Question number one.

If you were shipwrecked on a desert island, who would you want to have with

A, a chef.

B, a shipbuilder. C, a songwriter.

A shipbuilder. I'm going to pick the chef.

Come on!

Rhoda, are you going to take this test seriously or not?

I am taking the test seriously.

If the chef is good enough, people will hear about him and they will come to us.

If you were having a man over for dinner for the first time, what would you

serve?

Franks and beans, beef stroganoff, or pressed duck?

Franks and beans.

Have you taken this test before?

I obviously have had a few drinks.

I've got troubles.

Are you just going to sit there and do some stupid test?

Some life, huh?

Yeah, it sure is. It's some life.

Does she know what I mean when I say some life?

Well, actually, Lou, Mary here told me a little bit about it.

Everything.

Mr. Grant, I know how you respect privacy, you know, but I figured that

all friends here and there's no reason to keep any secrets.

No. Oh, it's quite all right.

We're all friends. We should have no secrets.

Rhoda, by the way, Mary was home last month when you left the note under the

door.

I just pretended she wasn't.

Uh, Mary, Rhoda, did you ever go to a marriage counselor?

Not me.

Well,

Counselor's around noon.

The couple ahead of us is a basketball center and his wife.

I know what their problem is.

He's two feet taller than she is.

That man isn't going to help them.

Anyway, we sit down in the waiting room and I say, Edie?

And she says, why don't we wait till we get inside?

And she pours out our guts to him for an hour.

You know what bothers me?

My marriage counselor isn't married.

Never has been.

And, you know, they want you to tell what's ever on your mind, so I told him

sort of bothered me that he isn't married.

And he made a little joke.

He said, you don't have to be a whale to write Moby Dick.

me he doesn't have to be a whale.

Mr. Grant, these marriage counselors really do get results.

Not the one I wanted.

Edie's moving out.

What?

Edie's marriage counselor thinks we should try a trial separation.

You know, I was sitting alone having a few.

I thought to myself,

What are you sitting here feeling sorry for yourself for?

Oh, get a woman's point of view. Go see Mary.

I was even hoping you'd be here, Rhoda.

You know what?

You were no help at all.

Look, I shouldn't talk about it anymore. We got a lot to do. Let's go back to

work. Sure, Lou.

She's leaving tonight.

Tonight?

Oh, Lou.

Well, what can I say, Lou? What can I say?

Yeah. I mean, what can you say to a man at a time like this?

I don't know.

There's nothing to say, Lou.

Nothing to say.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, Lou, I just wanted to say that.

Thanks, Murray.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Ted.

Something's happening here. I can tell by your faces.

I hate it when everybody knows something and I don't know it. What is it?

You want to know everything, Ted?

Edie's leaving me tonight, Ted. Okay, now you know everything. Oh, Lou.

Lou, Lou, what can I say?

What did you say, Murray?

I said there's nothing to say.

There's nothing to say.

another person's really feeling.

All I'm saying, Lou, is that if you need a pal to talk to, I'll be there.

Okay. Okay, thanks. Even if it's after hours.

Even if it's in the middle of the night, 3, 4, 5, 5, 30.

Oh, if it's some little thing related to work or something like that, frankly,

that's another story.

I just assume you wait until I come into the office.

Let's not take advantage, okay, big fella?

I wish I could think of some magic solution for you, some way to work it

Well, Murray, what do you and Marie do when you have a problem? Do you fight?

you talk it out?

No.

Well, what do you do?

Well, I don't know. How to... Well, let's just say we go to bed incredibly

early.

Well, Murray, talk about still waters running deep.

So it's still the same?

No, it's better, Lou, better.

That's great, Murray.

That's just wonderful.

Hi, Murray. How does the film look?

Oh, great.

Hey, how come you guys are here so late? Well, I'm leaving now.

Lou, when does Edie... Oh, when I get home from work. We made a deal that

wait till I got home from work so I wouldn't have to come home to an empty

house.

Well, look, I'm going to be home all night tonight, so if...

Good night, Lou. Good night, Mary.

Good night.

Hey, Mr. Grant.

You want to go get a drink or something before you leave?

Oh, no. No, thanks, Mary.

I got some work to catch up on. A lot of really important stuff.

Well, you know, that's a good idea.

I'm going to do that, too. Catch up on some more.

about something, man to man?

Yes, Tad. It occurred to me, Lou, that I said something before. I don't know if

it caused anything. I was just kidding around, see?

And as a joke, I said to Edie that if she ever decided to leave you, that I'd

there waiting in the wings.

What'll I do if she calls, Lou?

Sorry I'm late, Edie.

Front day at the office.

Hello, Lou.

I froze up some dinners for you, Lou.

They're in tinfoil in the freezer.

Also, I left the address and the number of the hotel I'm going to on your

dresser. Right, right, right. And when I move to an apartment, I'll send you the

new number. Right, right, right. Oh, and I didn't take that blue suitcase after

all. Those little things broke when I tried to fasten it.

What little things?

Those little things, you know, those things you're fascinated with. What do

call it? Those clicky things. They broke.

Those clicky things have no business breaking.

Lou. And anyway, why isn't there a name for those clicky things in the first

place? Why is it necessary for a grown man to have to go around saying words

like clicky things?

If you're angry at me, just tell me. You don't have to keep going on about the

suitcase. Angry at you?

Because you're leaving?

I'm not angry at you.

It's perfectly understandable.

You want to try your little experiment.

Why should that make me angry?

But you are angry, Lou.

Edie, I'm not angry. I'd tell you if I was angry. Why should that make me

over your arm.

Pits.

Damn pits anyway.

Why do they make things with pits in the first place?

They don't serve any purpose.

Cherries, watermelons, tangerines, all of them. They can all go

when you're eating them.

If you should spit the pit out or if you should store the stupid thing in one

part of your mouth while you're eating with the other part.

You can't even concentrate on what you're eating half the time. And even

you finish eating the damn thing, then you have to worry about where you're

going to put the pit.

Like if you put it in an ashtray, it's disgusting.

And ashes get all over it. And it doesn't even look like a fruit anymore.

It looks like some furry, gray, dead thing.

How can you leave me, Edie?

How can you do it?

Lou, it's not you.

It's me.

I'm 45 years old, Lou.

You only go around once and I want more.

You only go around once?

That's a beer commercial, Edie.

You're telling me you're leaving me for a beer commercial, Edie?

Maybe you're walking out that door and I still haven't figured out why.

Lou, I wish I could tell you it was something you did.

Or something I did.

But it isn't that easy.

When I married you, I was 19 years old.

And I thought you were the most wonderful man I ever met.

I still think so.

But I want to learn more about the rest of me.

Not just the part that's your wife.

I want to know what I do with a whole week to myself.

What I'm like when I'm scared and depressed and I don't have you to make

right again.

I may hate it and I may screw it up.

But I want to have time to get to know E .D.

McKenzie Grant.

You keeping a grant?

I'm keeping the grant.

You're going to have to get new stationery.

Right.

It's not supposed to turn out this way.

I had it all figured out.

See?

The way it goes is you change your mind and you don't leave.

I came close, Lou.

I came so close.

I love you, Edie.

And listen, Edie, if you plan to come marching back to me, I'm warning you,

I'll take you right back.

Yeah.

So, Mr. Grant, we're all kind of wondering, how's it going?

Not bad, not good.

Edie's coming over Tuesday. We're going to talk. She sounded fine on the phone,

but I'm not getting my hope up. Pass it on.