Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all I

to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

to the big stage. Yeah, well, cold water takes it out.

Oh, right, right.

Oh, terrific. It's empty. Uh -oh.

It's been a wonderful morning. It's only five after nine.

Hi, guys.

Give me a cup of coffee, will you, Mayor?

Oh, uh, here, Ted.

It's not enough sugar.

Newsroom?

Oh, hi, Dan.

I was going to call you in a little while, remind you about the Teddy Awards

banquet on Saturday.

Yeah, Dan, I told you about it three weeks ago.

You know, the television editor's awards dinner?

What basketball game?

No, you didn't tell me about it three weeks ago. No, I told you about this

weeks ago.

Oh, yeah, sure, I'll hold.

Uh, Ted, I'm on that line.

Oh, I didn't see which line was lit.

I think I put my contact lanes in the wrong eyes this morning.

So who are you talking to?

Dan. Can't hear his voice.

I'm on hold, Ted.

Oh.

Hold is lonely, isn't it, Mayor?

You know, I never liked hold.

Although, if I had a choice between...

Sure, I'm sorry. I was just keeping it coming. I didn't know you wanted to be

alone. Yeah, hi, Dad. Hi, Dan.

Ted.

Hey, what did you think of that game last night? Ted. Oh, well, listen, I'll

leave you two kids alone now. See you, Dad.

Bye, Ted.

Yeah, Dan, I'm nominated.

No, I'm not going to win, but, yeah, I have to go anyway.

I look like a bad sport if I don't show up, and I would like to show up with

you. Mary, would you come here?

Listen, Dan, I have to go. I'll call you back.

Remember the obsolete clippings file I asked you to throw out last week?

Yes. You didn't throw out the obsolete file.

You threw out the file next to it. The obituaries.

No, no.

No, I didn't.

Change that.

There is no if, because they're going to die.

We're not going to have one thing to say except maybe, so long.

Mr. Grant, I'm just sorry.

I just, I don't know what else to say.

You're going to have to write up every one of the obituaries that was in that

file. Oh, yes, of course, I will.

Take your time to write them.

Gee, thanks, Mr. Grant.

I don't think you understand.

I mean, take your time, not mine.

Your lunch hours.

Start with A and hope that they die alpha.

else a chance to be the most miserable? I mean, just once in a while.

Solves nothing.

No, no, cottage cheese solves nothing.

Chopping can do it all.

Listen, you can have Jonas Saturday night. Oh, come on.

Oh, well, sure, Mary, I'd be happy to.

Really, thank you, but I'll find somebody for myself.

Worst comes to worst, Ted says he knows a great guy for me.

Ted?

Well, come on, he's got to know some nice people. Okay, all right, all right.

Mary, why don't you come with us tonight? We're going to have dinner and

to...

at university.

Yeah, they've shown me three Humphrey Bogart movies in a row, all of them the

Maltese Falcon.

Well, sounds like fun, Beth.

I think I'll just stay home and write some obituaries.

Oh, Murray, it's just that I am so sick of writing obituaries.

Sticking up funny.

It's funny. It seems to get things like that.

Why won't it go down?

I must have slept on it funny.

Well, it's the craziest thing. The way it won't go down.

Probably nobody will notice it. I didn't.

fix you up with that neato blind date with the ten of your words?

Oh, gosh, I don't know. This guy's a sort of a good -looking version of

Redford. Excuse me, I've got to go fix my hair bump.

Will you take this film so we're cutting him on your way? He's a terrific guy,

handsome, intelligent, better than average boys.

up myself and my back is in bad shape.

What happened? Well, it went on posture exercise when I went to broadcast.

Not to you, Mary.

I slipped.

I just, I slipped.

Listen, I'll be all right. Really, I can stand up now.

Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure. It's kind of a shock to fall that way. I'll be

fine, really. I'll be fine.

Well, okay.

I'm going to put you over here.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

You'll be okay.

But first, we have to get you x -rayed. All we can do around here is get you

Xeroxed.

Now I'm going to take you to the doctor.

You can.

room to fix my hair, Bob.

How'd you get that cold?

Choking my sprained foot.

You know, I think I have swollen glands.

Yeah? What do swollen glands feel like? Mary, I don't know what regular glands

feel like.

I'm going to take my temperature.

Mary, I have sensational news.

Jonas is going to Mexico to lecture at a university, and he can take me if he

says I'm his wife.

Bob, I don't know if I'm serious enough about him yet.

To go to Mexico with him.

So I'm going to turn back at El Paso.

I'm sorry you're so down, kid.

I'm not so down. Huh?

What? I'm not so down.

Oh, yeah, you are. I mean, admit it, Mary. Suddenly your life got crummy.

So... It'll get better. It has to. You're not the crummy life type.

Well... Truly, you aren't. I am the crummy life type. You're just on a

I happen to be on a terrific streak.

But soon things will be back to normal again.

Tomorrow you'll meet a crowned head of Europe and marry.

I will have a fat attack.

my mother always says there are millions of children in Europe who would be

thrilled to sit around and have the flu in a gorgeous room like this

you up on that Robert Redford guy you have for me for Saturday night.

Great. Why don't you ask him to pick me up around 8 o 'clock?

Oh, listen.

What's his name?

What do you mean, April Fool?

What do you mean it's you?

Look at that stain.

sometimes will cause that.

This is terrible.

You are terrible cleaners. I know.

No, I mean it. You really are.

Why do you think we have free pickup and delivery?

Look, maybe you can cut it off.

much. You're welcome.

Hello, this is Mary Richards.

May I please speak to the owner?

He is.

Uh -huh.

Thank you very much.

this way in front of

I dropped my phone in my foot water, and I was afraid to take it out.

Rhoda, if you don't lend me something to wear tonight, I'm going to have to go

to the banquet in a too -big black velvet pantsuit with a pink floral

that makes me look like a funny waiter.

Of course.

My rack is your rack. Come, look.

Oh, Mary, do yourself a favor. Skip the banquet, please.

save yourself a lot of aggravation. I can't, Rhoda, I'm dominated.

All right, here, look.

I've got to find something dressy. Yeah.

Remember when all we needed to look dressy was a jeweled cashmere sweater

clutch bag?

All right, what's this?

Now that, that looks completely different off the hanger.

Worse.

I've got to find something. Yeah.

What about... Well, that's a fun fur thing I bought. I bought it on sale and

never wore it.

Sort of makes me look like a cross between Raquel Welsh and Beowulf.

Come on, Rhoda, think.

I'm leaving in 20 minutes.

Listen, sit down. You sit down. I'm going to find you something very fast.

Oh, Rhoda, I'm going to be one of those people you always see wearing one

slipper. I always feel sorry for those people you see wearing one slipper.

on the run in my stocking to dry, Ken.

You know, a little late is good. Not too late, but a little late makes a good

appearance.

How does nine minutes sit with you, Mayor?

Just fine.

Who put you up to this, Mary?

Was it Murray?

It's a long, long story. What's the matter with your hair?

My hair dryer broke.

Boy, if I'd have known this was going to happen, I would have taken my mother.

She could have dressed just like that.

She'd take me to let her come, too.

At least then people could have said, look at the wonderful sun.

park one car in this rain.

Rain?

It's raining?

Yeah, it started about five minutes ago.

And I left my umbrella at the office.

I don't suppose you want to share your umbrella, Ted.

Oh, sure, Mayor, but just so you stay under your third.

I mean, I've got on a new tuxedo, and my appearance is important to me, and

they'll be taking pictures of me, and I may have to go up there. That's all

right, Ted.

step to that puddle.

Oh, good, we're not too late. They're only up to the clowns.

And now, Joyce and the Trio will play this year's award -winning local theme

song.

Oh, hi there, Ted.

Oh, hiya, Norman.

I had a great -looking date, but you got called away for an emergency modeling

job. This is my sister.

Catch up with you.

Hi, Barry.

Don't get close to me. I'm contagious.

Oh, that's a real nice dress.

How about one of the Andrews sisters?

What happened to your regular hair?

This is my regular hair.

Hi, guys. Hi, Dad.

You haven't missed too much.

The triplets from St. Paul took best variety hour, then Volvo.

Thank you, George.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to a very special part of our program.

The award for the best news personality.

This is very important. I may have to go up there.

Well, do I have to say it?

The winner is Mr. Twin Cities himself, Norman Keller.

How can I lose to him? He's so nasal. You weren't even nominated.

I was counting on a heavy writing book.

Mary, what's that on your cheek?

That, under your eye.

Thank you.

My false eyelash.

The nominees in the category of Best Public Affairs Program are Let's Talk

Issues, Fred Clark, producer.

The Sunday Show, Mary Richards, producer.

Minneapolis, my way.

And the winner is... The Sunday Show!

gave me this.

I just... Sorry.

I'm just sorry.

Thank you very much.

Hey, I'm really proud of you.

Thank you, Ted. Really, I think I'd just as soon go home.

Oh, sorry.

The winner wants to go home.

Well, the loser wants to stay.

Lost four years in a row of that no -talent, rotten, nasal killer.

Look at him, sitting down there with his hair dyed and everything.

Well, that doesn't stop me.

now, Ted?

Ted, what are you going to do?

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention. Your attention, please.

You all, uh, all know me, Ted Baxter, WJM TV.

A $65 paycheck and a...

That's all, folks.