Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all I

to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

I know.

But if you think I look great, wait till Ginger Rogers shows up.

Oh, look at this. The black tie ruffled shirt. Yeah. Hey, what time is that

press club affair anyway?

Oh, I got plenty of time.

Boy, are we going to throw Chris Matthews a bash he won't soon forget.

Isn't every day a local reporter wins the Pulitzer Prize, huh? Yeah.

Tonight we toast one of our own.

I guess you're really proud of him, huh?

As a matter of fact, I'm so proud.

I think I'm going to go toast him right now.

Hey, Murray, you belong to that press club, don't you? Yeah. So how come

not going tonight?

It's to the pressing.

The pressing?

Hurry, Rusty, he's over to master control.

Murray, the messenger boy.

What's the matter with him? I don't know.

Newsroom.

Oh, hi, Rhoda.

Yeah, sure, I can pick you up.

Okay, we'll have dinner, too. I'll meet you at the corner of Lake...

Pickle it in, what, 20 minutes?

Okay, see you then. Bye -bye. How's my autobiography coming, Mary?

Oh, fine, Ted. I typed 10 more pages for you. I'd like to try a new title on

you, Mary. Mm -hmm.

The Greatest Story Ever Told.

I think that's been taken, Ted.

Oh, yeah.

Circus movie.

Here you go, Ted. 10 typed pages.

Right.

Sure, a dollar a page.

I would like to read it over, though, for any mistakes.

Mary, do you ever feel like just going out all by yourself and getting bombed

out of your mind?

Hey, Mary, what is it? Do you want to talk about it? It's a lotto, you know,

that's all.

Smashed, snuckered, pickled, plastered, lured, locked out, really boozed up.

Look, why don't we go get some coffee?

Mary, I think you missed my point.

because you are the most reliable person in the world. I knew you'd show up.

I'm so sorry. It's just that something very important came up at the newsroom.

knew it, kid. I really did. I knew you had to have a really good reason. I had

to have coffee with Murray.

Rhoda, he was talking about going out and getting smashed, and I tried to talk

him out of it. Smashed? Are we talking about Sweet Gentle Molly?

conversation with my mother.

Can we discuss this over dinner?

I had dinner with Murray.

Hey, how about a sandwich?

Yeah, okay, that'll be great.

Rhoda, I really feel awful about this. And listen, forget about it. Can't we've

all done that?

Once when I was in grammar school, I was supposed to pick up my little brother

from kindergarten.

I forgot all about him.

Hey, I didn't know you had a little brother. I don't anymore.

He wandered away and I never found him.

He's three hours late.

He's never been three minutes late.

Mr. Grant, maybe we're just worried for nothing.

Yeah, maybe it's nothing.

Maybe he's just real sick.

I'm going to call Marie.

Good, call Marie.

Wait a minute. If I call Marie and he's not home, we'll just worry her.

Marie, you can find out if Marie's there without giving away anything.

Hello, Marie.

Well, it has been a long time, hasn't it? Yeah.

Well,

I just thought I'd call and say hello.

Because it's been so long since we've seen each other.

Yeah, Thursday, dinner, and the Australian ballet.

Right. Bye -bye, Marie.

Thanks a lot, Mary.

And finally, in Orlando, Florida, yesterday, a judge ordered Willie

who'd been arrested for drunken driving, to go and get himself a new driver's

license so that the judge could revoke it.

You were gone all day, right?

Right. Well, I just want you to know that it's okay.

And if you don't want to tell us where you were, that's okay, too.

I went to the movies.

You went to the movies?

The movies you went to?

Mary was worried sick.

I had to write Ted's copy for you, and you went to the movies? Mr. Grant, uh,

he's...

So you miss a day.

Everybody's entitled to miss one day once in a while.

Lou, I think I'm going to the movies again tomorrow.

Well, everybody's entitled to miss two days once in a while.

You probably ought to fire me. Murray, nobody's going to fire you. But why?

You don't need me.

I was out all day. You got the show on the air.

Nobody missed me. Hey, Murray, we all missed you.

We really did.

Murray, I just want to tell you that your copy had that extra added zing

tonight. Keep up the good work.

I'll tell you what.

Let's all go into my office and have a good stiff belt.

That's a great idea, Mr. Grant. Let's all go in.

You kind of opened up and just told us exactly what it is that's bothering you.

Maybe it was, if I knew.

Murray, I think I know what it is.

You're depressed because you went to school with Chris Matthews. Hmm?

Fine. Now, he's a big -shot reporter with a Pulitzer Prize, and all you are

news writer stuck in a local...

Two -bed operation. Mr.

Grant. No, Mary, he's right.

Okay, so it's the work?

Yeah. Well, I can do something about that.

And it's the money.

Well, I can do something about that. And my marriage.

Mary.

Mary, your marriage?

Mary, you know I love Marie.

It's just that I always pictured coming home at night and having witty

conversations over martinis.

You know what we talked about last night?

Whether we should change butchers.

I mean, Marie is not Gloria Steinem.

Well, what's this Gloria Steinem thing you have?

I mean, you take away Gloria Steinem's super intellect, and what do you got?

Never mind that.

Yeah, and that's what bugs me, too.

You know, last week I realized that I'm never, ever going to meet Gloria Steinem

or Sophia Loren.

Marie.

You're a little down about marriage.

I've been there.

Carlo Ponte's been there.

I used to think that I might have a shot at the Pulitzer Prize.

That I could become a concert pianist.

Or that my hair would stop coming out from the cone.

Well, it finally stopped.

Okay. Okay.

You want to know what my dream was?

I'll tell you.

To play center field for the New York Giants in the polo grounds.

I don't play center field.

There's no New York Giants.

And in 1964, Murray, they tore down the polo grounds.

Murray, life is this.

I'm here now.

Where am I going to be in ten years?

Oh, Murray.

Will you stop worrying so much about the future and just take life as it comes?

Right. What? Do you mean just live life from moment to moment?

Right. You mean for this moment right now?

I haven't opened it yet, Mayor. I'm afraid to read her letters when I'm

Let's see what's happening across the miles.

Oh, great.

Great. Rhoda, what are you old grating about?

Well, the Dictors got divorced.

Uncle Max went broke in business.

And my cousin Edith, she had her gallbladder removed.

And this is page one, Mayor.

Never met the man.

Uncle Max I met, oh, years ago, once.

A cousin Edith, I can't place a man.

Makes me crazy. I mean, from this letter, I get the feeling that had I

dropped them a line, they would be alive, happily married, successful in

business, and still have their gallbladders.

Aren't you going to finish reading it? No, I am not.

My mother puts the cheery stuff in first.

Mary, that woman could depress Johnny Man.

You ought to try being around Murray these days.

Is he still in that funk?

Yeah.

You know, I know what that is, Mary.

I read an article in Cosmopolitan.

They tell you exactly what to do when a man gets to that stage in life when he

feels down, depressed, like nobody wants him.

What did it say?

Drop him.

trying to help him by giving him some on -camera stuff to do.

Yeah, I remember the last time he did that.

Oh, yeah? We were hoping people might have forgotten.

No chance. He was terrible, ma 'am. But it wasn't his fault.

The poor man was so afraid his toupee was going to fall off, he didn't move

lips.

A book? Yes.

Ted? Right.

What is it, a comedy?

Yeah, in a way. It's his autobiography.

Hey, Burr, what is it?

Ted, writing his autobiography.

The greatest straight line I ever had, and nothing's coming to me.

I don't think so.

Lou's looking at the film right now.

Well, will you stop worrying? I'm sure he's going to like them very much. Yeah.

I knew it.

I knew I shouldn't have sent him.

You're talking about Murray's interview?

Do you know what his question of the day was?

What would you do if you knew the world was coming to an end tomorrow?

Two nuns broke into tears because he looked like he knew something.

Give it to me straight, Lou.

What did you think about my interviews?

Well, they... Terrible, huh?

No. No.

No.

No, no.

No. Not at all. Not at all. No.

I thought there was some really good stuff there, Murray. Some really good

stuff. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Well, when are you going to show it on the air?

Well, I'd like to put it on right away.

But we have this other film we have to put on first, you know, while it's hot.

Which film, Lou?

The one on safety in the bathroom.

Oh, Sabre, I just saw that interview you did.

Oh, yeah? Ted, what do you think about it?

of triumph.

Right.

Your high school graduation.

I'll have that chapter by tonight, Mayor. I'm having a meeting with my

first thing in the morning. Okay, Ted. I'll drop it off at your apartment as

soon as I've finished.

Fine, Mary.

Do you want to have a few laughs?

Stop in and see that Murray interview before you go home. Uh, Ted!

Could you sit down for a minute? I'd like to talk to you.

Sure.

Ted, I'd like you to start being nice to Murray.

Why, is he being promoted or something?

Murray is going through a very difficult time.

He's unhappy.

He's talking about quitting.

Quitting? He can't just go around telling a man that he... You gotta show

sympathy until he snaps out of it.

Gotcha.

Say, Murr, I did that little bomb thing.

Well, I didn't mean it directly.

It's okay, Ted.

You going straight home, Murray?

Uh, no, I think I'll go to the hockey match.

Yeah, Murray, I thought it would be a good idea if I spent one night a week

the boys.

After being married for ten years, I don't know any boys.

Well, sure you do.

You're going to be my guest tonight, Murray.

Okay, why not?

First, we'll have a little dinner. Then we'll go see some of my bachelor haunts.

It's going to be a great night, Murray. Uh, can we use your car?

This is just how I pictured it.

Make yourself at home, Bert.

Would you like to sit in my vibrating chair?

Thanks, Ted, but... I already had enough excitement for one evening.

Say, maybe we can go down to the rec room and play a little ping -pong.

There's always a couple of chicks down there we can play mixed doubles with.

No, I'll pass on the ping -pong, Ted. How about a drink?

Thanks, but I already had too much when we were running from bar to bar.

I think I'll have one.

Which one of those piano bars is your favorite, Murray?

Oh, I think the last one, where you leaned on the piano and sang, I gotta be

That was my favorite, too.

Would you like to hear it again?

I think I'll have that drink now, Ted.

That's great. We'll have a couple of belts and moosen up.

We'll really talk about what it is that's eating you.

Thanks, Ted, but I really don't want to talk about it.

You still feel a little down, huh?

Yeah, something like that.

Maybe you'll feel like talking to Fluffy then.

Fluffy? He's really terrific.

You know, when the stewardesses around here get a little depressed, I let them

talk to Fluffy and it always cheers them right up again.

I never knew stewardesses got depressed.

Not with Fluffy around, they don't.

to talk to a man to dog.

You're a happy man, aren't you, Ted?

Yeah, I... Sure, I guess I am.

Why?

Why am I happy?

Well, I guess one of the reasons is that I'm the best darn newscaster in

Minneapolis, St. Paul.

Ted, now you don't really believe that.

You're darn right I do.

If I didn't believe it, I wouldn't be the best darn newscaster in Minneapolis,

St. Paul.

And I am, aren't I, Fluffy?

You bet you are, Ted.

Don't you ever get depressed?

Well, sure I get depressed.

All sensitive, deep -thinking people get depressed.

What do you do to snap out of it?

Well, I open the doors of my closet, lick at all my

clothes.

Oh, that must be the chicken 208 coming up for a nightcap.

Just you. Come on in.

Here you go, Ted.

Hi, Murray.

How do you like the old pad, Mayor?

Well, well, well.

It certainly is you, isn't it?

Thank you.

Would you like a drink, Mayor? No, no, thank you.

So, Murray, how are you feeling?

I've been trying to pep him up, Mayor.

Even had old Fluffy talk to him. Say hello to Mary, Fluffy. Oh, no, that's

Ted. Hi, Murray. How are you?

Mayor, see what you can do with this lug.

I mean, he's really down in the old dumps.

Well, you know, Murray, I think that we've been all wrong about this whole

thing. I mean, why are we trying to cheer you up?

If you feel sad, you should be sad. I was a little sad myself today. So was I.

And I know the last thing in the world I wanted was somebody trying to cheer me

up. You should feel what you feel. If you're sad, be sad.

That's a good idea, Mayor.

Let's all let it hang out.

Let's all be sad.

Together. Oh, I've got to get that. We'll be sad in a minute.

Probably the chicken 208. She just won't leave me alone.

How you doing, sweetheart?

Oh, hiya, Mom.

I'll call you right back.

Excuse me.

Well, I guess I'll be going.

Yeah, me too.

Well, I'll see you.

Monday morning, then. Yeah, I'll see you Monday morning.

Look, thanks for the advice about just letting myself be sad.

Right.

Oh, Murray, don't be sad.

But you're sad. It just makes me feel so sad.

Well, I think I'm coming out of it. Really.

Is that sad?

Doggone it, Murray. You got a good life.

Yeah. You got a wonderful family.

Yeah. You got good friends who really care about you.

Yeah. Okay, so what difference does it make if some guy you went to college

wins the Pulitzer Prize?

I went one too far, didn't I?

You did me a lot of good.

I just never realized so many people were affected by how I felt.

It doesn't help much, but it sure makes me feel good.

Oh.

Good night and good news by Ted Baxter.