Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. This is all I

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

playing miniature golf.

Then off to a penny arcade.

Then he takes me to this Yugoslavian restaurant and insists that I guess what

the goat is stuffed with.

Unfortunately, I was right.

He sounds like a winner.

Rhoda, where do you come up with him? When you're hot, you're hot.

Hudson, if you've been gone all that time, how come I didn't get more work

It's only 8 .30, kid.

Well, then how did you get that much done?

We started out at 3 o 'clock this afternoon.

manager. Mr. Grant and I have a lot to get ready. Oh, boy, I hate those

meetings. You never used to. Yeah, well, it used to be I felt like I'd be

myself. Now I feel I represent women everywhere.

Oh, Mary, that's all in your head. Oh, yeah?

What would you say if the station manager kept trotting in groups of

saying, this is our woman executive?

to dress up.

Want to know the reason why?

I'll tell you why.

The only reason you dress up for a meeting is if you're insecure.

Yeah, I don't think it makes any difference what you wear to the meeting.

Neither do I.

I think I'll change.

Why are you so concerned about what he's going to wear?

Well, when you're Ted Baxter, you've got to hope that your clothes look

intelligent.

associate producer before me. Better. Oh, much better. He was terrible.

Yeah.

Well, then, how come he was making $50 a week more than I do? Well, how do you

know he was?

The last associate producer before me made $50 a week more than I do. Oh,

because he was a man.

Let me get this straight. The only reason he was paid more than I am is

he was a man?

Oh, sure. It has nothing to do with you.

shouldn't be making the same... He had a family to support. You don't.

Now, why don't you come back when you have an answer?

busy. Oh, we're not. We're not. Come on in, Ted.

Oh, it's not important. I was just deciding what to wear for the meeting.

all. Well, I was a little worried about what you'd wear, too, Ted.

You were?

Oh, absolutely.

Well, let's see.

Well,

what you're wearing looks good to me.

Well, I thought so, too, at first, but now I think it's neither fish or nuts.

You know what I mean?

Now, before we get started, there's a question I'd like to ask Ted. Yes, Jack.

Ted, why are you wearing sneakers?

Oh.

Oh.

Well, the reason for that is that I... Look, Jack, I've got a lot to do, and

like to make this session a quickie, unless, of course, your compliments take

time. Lou, we've got major trouble.

We have to make our news more informal.

Mr. Sun is not smiling today.

I wish it were that simple, Lou.

I'm talking about a whole new format here.

Our news has to be more entertaining.

Now I know what you mean.

Get a group of guys together to do funny feature stories.

Have them kid around with each other a lot. Have them laugh a lot. That's

That's rotten.

That's one opinion.

Let's hear from someone else.

I'd like to hear your opinion on this. It'll be the same as mine.

Is it, Mary?

No.

Well, it isn't.

Go ahead.

Well, I just don't think that there's anything wrong with trying to make the

news more in an entertainingly way.

Exactly.

We're talking about news.

isn't to make people laugh.

It's to let them know what's happening.

I can live with ratings.

When I was an editor, I used to live with circulation numbers.

But when the circulation went down, we didn't put the comics on the front page.

News is truth, Jack.

And I'm not going to make it into something fake.

Why not?

is fake.

Anyway, I think the idea Mary brought up is an interesting one, and I agree with

it. So I think we'd better start working on that new format.

Oh,

I'm sorry, Ted. We haven't heard from Ted yet.

My show was on the air.

Pat, turn on the set.

Look, Mr. Grant, I just wanted to say that I'm not mad anymore, and I hope

you're not either. You don't have any...

I seem to have lost my place.

Pat, turn off the set.

Is that the format you're so anxious to hang on to?

Okay, okay.

You're mad at me because I disagreed with you in the meeting.

No, I'm mad at you because you sold me out for 50 bucks a week.

Mr. Grant, if you really believe... that, then we have nothing to talk

Then we have nothing.

Yes, like Channel 6.

Pat, turn on Channel 6.

Give it a chance. It might work.

Oh, more on that killer typhoon later.

Well, winter man Terry Williams can never get his galoshes unbuckled.

And now, with a special report on belly dancing in the Twin Cities, roving

reporter Jess Hawkins, who is now inserting a zircon in his...

we had to go that far.

That's one of the highest -rated news shows in town.

I am sure that Mr.

Stoneham... Oh, listen here, Mary.

If Jack Stoneham thought it meant ratings, he'd have us wear funny hats

drink out of dribble glasses.

Read this.

To Lou Grant from Jack Stoneham, some thoughts regarding our new format.

that our news team likes and enjoys each other away from work. Skip down, skip

down. This spirit can be achieved.

Skip, skip, skip.

Lou, I can understand. Skip, skip, skip.

So I suggest that... That's it.

Suggest that you delegate most of the responsibility to someone who thinks

I do, Mary Rigg.

I'd like to help you, Mary.

But I just don't know how to make it appear that anybody likes... and enjoys

Baxter.

Mr. Graham, I've been thinking about that. I mean, most of these news teams

two anchormen. So really, all we have to find is somebody warm and endearing

enough to balance Ted.

I don't think Bobby Fischer wants to do television.

You want me to do that? No. Why should you get all the...

sandwich could well climb into several millions of dollars.

A senorita visits Minneapolis.

That story right...

Less. That's it.

Two anchorman, eh?

Well, if you think you're going to have two anchorman on this show, then you can

get yourself another boy to take over right now.

Twenty seconds.

Okay.

Gordy. Yeah, Luke? Ten seconds.

I wonder if you'd do me a favor. Sure.

Ted just quit.

Huh?

I wonder if you'd mind finishing the show tonight.

Oh, not at all.

Okay, he was just about to start the Lopez story. Okay.

This is Gordon Howard filling in for the vacationing Ted Baxter.

Senorita Elena Lopez, daughter of Mayor Enrique Lopez of Minneapolis' sister

city, Santiago, Chile, arrived in a... Thank you.

to see what terrific thing happened to you that did not happen to me. So will

you please tell me? Okay.

You know the place in the news where they say, and now, speaking for the

management of WJM TV.

Yeah, that's when I take out the garbage.

Well, guess who is speaking for the management tonight?

You're kidding. Yeah, how come?

Well, our new format begins tonight, see, and the general manager always

doing the editorials himself anyway, and, well, he's been under a lot of

pressure to use women on the air.

Mary, it's just incredible, kid.

Yeah. Aren't you nervous?

No, no. I guess I've been so busy with the new format, I just haven't had time

to be nervous.

Yeah, how is that anyway?

Is it going to bomb?

He's not trying to do anything entertaining.

You know, he's not trying to be funny. He's not trying to have any personality.

Sounds great so far.

Yeah, but we are getting all of that from Gordy.

It was my idea.

I mean, he is just terrific.

He's relaxed.

He's funny. He's entertaining. And so, well, the whole net result is really not

awful.

Great. But how did you ever convince Ted to be a straight man? Oh, well, see, he

doesn't know that that's what he is. I mean, all week long.

During rehearsals, we've been complimenting him on his new jacket, and

seems to satisfy him.

Big night.

Yes. Looks good.

Right. Good luck. Thanks.

Ed, it takes a big man to do what you're doing. Well, I always... Just exactly

what you're referring to, it takes a big man to do.

Well, I've been watching rehearsals all week, and I think it's great the way

you've been letting Gordy get around with you.

realize that being a straight man is a thankless job, and I thank you for it.

Straight man?

Ted, did I tell you how great you look in your new jacket?

That won't work anymore, Mary.

Thanks. Ted, I'm sure that Mr. Stone... As I was just saying to Ted... Ted, I'm

sure what you meant by straight man... I think you're going to be the hottest

thing to happen to news in this town.

Good luck. Thank you.

We'll see about that. Ted, please, no.

out of my way, Mayor. I've got personality, too.

Ted, you don't.

Think you're pretty good, eh, Gordo?

Well, we'll see who's the funny guy around here.

We're on the air, Ted.

I know that.

Well, we're off to a great start.

Lou, have you got two glasses?

Oh, I got one glass, Murray, but don't worry.

I don't think I'll be using a glass tonight.

Today in Washington, the president, while addressing a convention of Polish

-American businessmen, announced his long -awaited economic reform policy.

Say, that reminds me, I heard a great new Polish joke today.

You see, this Polish guy came home to his Polish wife.

The massive freeway tie -up occurred when a man, dressed in a bunny suit, on

way home from an all -night costume party, got out of his car to change

Hey, I wonder if a cop came along and made him hop a straight line.

I don't think that's funny.

Another development in Washington today. The president signed into law... Hey,

wait a minute, wait a minute. That's a president's story. That's mine.

I think I'm supposed to do that, Gertie.

What's the difference, Ted? I've already started it. But then it's a president's

story. I was here first, and I always get the president's story.

Scotch.

Scotch.

I wonder

what Mary wanted.

Probably wanted to see how we liked her new format.

That's our look at the newest resident of the Como Park.

hand of this bulletin.

The managers of the OJM TV extended sincere apologies to Polish Americans in

hopes they will overlook a remark made earlier in this newscast.

What remark?

We'll be back with further apologies following this brief...

of WJM -TV, Mary Richards.

And I'm sure after you see her, you'll understand why I say Mary. I don't know

what it is you're for or against, but whatever it is, I'm with you. Thank you,

Gordy.

We'd like to speak out tonight for population control.

Between the years 1932 and 1978, the population of the world will have

That should do something for our ratings, eh, Mayor?

at this rate, world population will reach 7 billion by the year 2000.

Hey, I think I'm going to the diaper business.

Which points to a disaster of global importance.

Oh, come on, Mary, don't be such a gloomy gus.

The management of WJM feels that television can play a critical role in

control of population growth. Well, sure it can, as long as they're watching the

old tube.

They can't make the...

tell you to shut up on the air?

why you should be making $50 a week less than the person who had that job

before.

So, I'm raising you $25 a week.

Well,

Mr. Grant, I'm not sure you fully understand the principle involved here.

The whole $50, huh? Right.

Okay, I'll try and get you $50 a week more.

to someone who told me to shut up on the air.