Original subtitles

Now to the back we go. The faucet soon will flow.

Moose gets tubbed and goose gets scrubbed. They'll glow from head to toe.

A -brushing we will go. A -brushing we will go.

Will the polars brush their molars? Yes, yes, yes, yes.

No.

I'm the boss and I say floss.

Wait a minute.

Mabel's been in bed for an hour and a half.

I know.

So what are you doing?

Okay, fine.

Put the llamas in pajamas.

Tell

me

why I love you like I do. Tell me who.

Can't stop my heart as much as you.

Let's take each other's hand as we jump into the final frontier.

I'm mad about you, baby.

Yeah!

This is so cool. We're finally stepping into the computer age. How are you doing

with the key this week? Pretty good.

Right on. Totally numb.

Found him. There you go. Okay.

Oh, bad sound, bad sound. Possible pentium chip damage.

Sorry. Excuse me, could I... Sorry, let me just get out of here. May I help you?

Oh, that's very neighborly of you. No, I just want to leave.

It's heavier than it looks.

It's perfectly all right.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Actually, I was an oarsman at university.

A horseman? No, no, an oarsman.

You know, in a skiff.

Yes, okay.

This right there is fine. Thank you so much. Not at all.

Are you okay?

Yes, that's why I was saying.

Where does it hurt?

Oddly enough, just where I'm grabbing.

Okay. Bit of a back spasm. Oh, a spasm in the back. Can we get you anything?

thank you.

Oh, that was a nasty one. Oh, you know what you need is a nice hot... Ice.

Yes, a nice hot ice.

First 24 hours, heat thereafter.

Have Maggie put together the ice. No, you need heat. What do you need is heat.

Ice reduces the inflammation.

Have Maggie get one of those. Heat, help the circulation.

Have Maggie get one of those. Nothing like a passionate debate between medical

scholars.

However, Maggie is away.

Oh, is there anything we can do? Yes, don't obstruct the doorway.

Ice! It's not ice, it's heat. You know, let's settle this once and for all, the

whole heat ice thing. Look it up on the internet.

You should find out once and for all.

I'll have an answer for you in about a week.

Hey. Hey.

What you doing?

I am surfing the internet, baby.

Oh, yeah? And it is fantastic.

I've been doing it all day. I was in a chat room about Party of Five.

I played backgammon with a family in Iceland.

All right? And then I watched a student at Fairleigh Dickinson University sleep.

Good for you.

And I helped out a little. friend? How, by the way? Really? How'd you do that? I

sent a little email to the hospital and just inquired about the availability of

that nurse that we liked so much. A nurse that we liked so much.

Hi!

Hello.

You remember Diane?

Yes. It's so nice to see you in my own home.

It's so nice to be here.

You look great.

Good for you, sticking with the blonde thing.

All the coffee mugs were dirty, so I took the liberty of cleaning one. I hope

that's okay.

That's okay.

Yeah.

You know, she did such a terrific job with that, you know, very touch -and -go

tonsillectomy of mine, so I thought she'd be the perfect person for the Hal

situation. Yeah, well, sure. You know Hal's apartment's across the hall.

He's sleeping.

I thought I'd take a little break and whatnot.

Yeah, I hate to put a crimp in your whatnot, but I don't think Hal's asleep.

He's not. Now, when I went by his door, I heard a noise.

What kind of noise?

Like a wheezing. A wheezing? I think a wheezing. Could have been a choking.

You're the expert.

Maybe I better check on him. Maybe you should.

Bye, Paul.

Bye, Diane. Bye, Diane.

What are you doing?

Nothing, just looking something up.

Hey, you know, I can do that on a computer if you want to have the yellow

built right in there. I'm fine.

This thing, it's really magic, I'm telling you, you know, and the only

I've got to come up with a username, and there already is a P. Buckman. Hmm,

small world.

Yeah, I was thinking maybe do something with all our names, like, you know,

Mabel, Jamie, and Paul, so like May -ja -pa or something, or Jay -ma -pa, or Pay

-jama, Pay -jama, Pajama, how smart am I, huh?

What do you see there?

Huh?

What, natural healing?

Down.

Numerology? Down.

Nut manufacturing, wholesales? Up.

Nurses? Yeah. Yes, okay, all right, all right.

So you're thinking I should have called one of them instead of calling Diane.

Yes. But I suppose, yes, I suppose I could have called Phyllis Yohi. Uh -huh,

bet Miss Yohi would have done a great job.

Who gets a nurse out of the Yellow Pages? Apparently, some people. Well, we

Diane. Why can't you just admit that you find Diane attractive?

Oh, I find her very attractive.

Okay, okay, but I mean so attractive that if we weren't married, you would

her. In a second, I would date her, sure.

Even faster.

Oh.

Okay. But that's if we weren't married. But since I am married, then that would

be just wrong, wrong indeed.

But... Honey, honey, honey, I felt badly that our neighbor hurt himself, you

know, trying to help me. So I wanted to get somebody that I know could do the

job instead of some yo -he. You are missing the point.

I'm sorry. Okay. What is the point? I don't know. Give me a minute.

All right.

The point... The point... Oh, cut it out. You knew.

be uncomfortable with Diane around.

I didn't... Truly, the thought did cross my mind. Yes, and yet you called her

anyway. You thought it was more important that Hal was comfortable than

was comfortable.

That's not... No, that's all.

Yes. I was doing so well there. You put the concerns of a neighbor, not just a

neighbor, a neighbor you loathe ahead of those of your bride. You put Hal ahead

of me. How could you? I don't think... Oh, go date your nurse. Where are you

going? Do you realize what this represents, Paul? I really don't. Oh,

mighty have fallen. How the romance...

There's no crumbling. I don't see crumbling. If this happened when we were

married, you would not have called Diane. I don't think that's true. I

even want to talk to you anymore. Don't do the brisk walk to the kitchen. Don't

do the hands on the hips in the living room. I'm not my... I was... He could

have sued us. You know what? You're flailing now. You're just flailing. I'm

trying to defuse the situation.

Don't keep narrating my part of this conversation because you're wrong.

wrong as wrong can be. I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

That's new. That's mature. I'm sorry. What? I think I hear something. I'm so

glad you get more mature.

When I signed the lease on my apartment, I was told this building featured a

minimum of saucepan whacking.

We're sorry if our fighting woke you. You know, I tell her not to yell, but

she listen? You were yelling. You were banging. Because you were yelling.

Because you were banging.

Okay, that's pretty much been our evening so far.

If you wouldn't mind. Yeah, no, sorry.

Thank you. And thank you as well for Diane. She's absolutely lovely and pert.

She is pert, isn't she?

Okay, must you? Must I must? Must you?

Must you? Must you? I, frankly, I must, yes.

Excuse me, far be it from me to meddle. But your heart goes out to me, I

understand. May I recommend something we British are fond of when it comes to

domestic squabbles?

Sure. Go ahead.

Instead of fighting, we identify the problem, think it through carefully, and

then bury it. Yeah, well, I'm not so sure that repressing... Oh, no, no, I'm

talking about repressing them.

I'm talking about literally digging a hole in the ground and burying them.

Whenever you have a problem, you just, you dig a hole?

Sort of like the Gambino family, really.

It's fairly simple. We write our problem on a piece of paper and then bury it in

the park.

The year Maggie's mother lived with us, I wasn't so much a man as a gopher.

Well, thank you. Thank you for the suggestion. Oh, anything I can do to

But of course, the most important thing is that you bloody well put a sock in

it.

Sorry, won't happen again.

You've heard such a stupid idea in my life. I think we should do it. Well, of

course you do.

Maybe, after seven years of marriage, not every single problem has to be

painstakingly solved with deep consideration for each other's feelings.

every once in a while we can just... Chuck one in the ground. To dig a hole.

That's like the... We can vent. It'll be cathartic. No holds barred. You know,

he and Maggie both drink a little in the afternoon. You know that?

I think we should do it. I think we should do it right now.

Come on, we're in for the evening. You want to start venting and catharting

Would you rather stay home and fight? No, frankly, I would rather... I'll get

some paper.

right here?

It's too desolate.

Huh?

Something like this?

Too pastoral.

Why don't we bury the argument on a hill? That way it has a lovely view.

This is the place. Oh, that's no question about it, the place. Tell me,

this different than right there? Would you like to have another fight? No, no,

no, this is perfect. This is just perfect.

Let us dig.

I couldn't find, like, a serving spoon or a ladle.

You ever see Escape from Alcatraz?

Uh -huh. They didn't use a ladle, my friend.

Ooh, look at this.

December 1975.

Well, honey, we could visit the set of Towering Inferno if we test drive an AMC

Pacer.

It's a shame what happened with that car, really. Are you gonna help me dig,

what's gonna happen? Sure, sure.

It was all square and cute, that car. Yeah.

It is dark, you know.

These gloves are ruined.

Well, I just want to say this wasn't my idea. Just keep digging. I'm digging.

Okay, I think that's deep enough.

All right. You know what? I'm going to be happy to say that this is going to be

soon all behind us, or beneath us, actually. Yep, me too.

Got it all out of my system.

I got it out of my system, too. I guess I just had a smaller system.

What the heck did you write in there?

I guess you'll never know, will you?

I guess I won't.

All right.

Goodbye, and here goes.

All right.

There it is.

Yep, ancient history.

Yep. Dead and buried. Dead and buried. Water under the bridge.

Chewed gum.

Chewed gum?

Yeah, because, you know, when you chew gum too long, after a while, it loses

flavor, so you don't want it anymore. I like gum when it's been chewed. At the

beginning, it's too sweet. Okay, you know what? I don't want to dig another

hole. Let's say yes, okay?

That's the story with chewed gum. All right, can we get out of here, please?

Want to go get a cheese quesadilla?

Of course.

Hey. Hello.

How are you?

Good. How was your day?

Good. Well, good. May I offer you a...

Post -venting and catharting kiss.

So I'm guessing you're happy we buried the fight.

I'm feeling free and clean like a crisp autumn day.

Really? Yes. Even the roses smell a little bit rosier.

They're silk, honey.

And yet delightful.

Boy, I feel good, but you? Oh, I'm telling you, I am as fresh as a baby's

bottom. I am shiny like a Cadillac car.

I'm like a newly shorn sheep. The wind just gliding off my now -naked little

sheep body.

I can't. Hey, dead and buried. You obviously want to tell me, otherwise you

wouldn't be gloating.

Hey, you were the one who buried the loose leaf there. I know. You know, you

were the one who wrote, like, the Encyclopedia Discontentia. I know.

So if anybody would be curious about who wrote what, I think it would be me.

Okay. But yet I'm not curious. I'm simply at peace.

Well, good. Me too. Well, good.

Good. Well, all right, then. Worked out well for everybody, then.

Hey,

Diane. Hi.

Everything okay?

Well, everything was going fine with Hal, but some people aren't so happy.

Gone three days in return to find some little tart rubbing the small of your

back. She is not a tart, Margaret. She's a woman of medicine. She is a tart. She

is a tart of medicine. She is a medical tart.

She cured my spasm. Oh, shut up.

He's been going on about the little tart all afternoon. Oh, shut up. Do you know

how many nurses there are in New York City? Like nine million. Wear a tighter

uniform, by the way.

Comes in here masquerading as a health care professional with the sole purpose

of oozing all over our husbands. I am not oozing. You are oozing. Oh, look at

them. What?

They can't help themselves. They're overcome.

Overcome by oozing. You know what? I think Murray needs a walk. Come on.

I took Murray for a walk. Well, I think he needs another one. Because the

oozing, I can't watch anymore. Just stop saying oozing. Oozing.

Good luck to the three of you. Come on. Yes.

I'm sure you'll all be very happy together.

Why are they so...

Threatened by me. It's silly, isn't it?

You know what I would really like right now is some cocoa.

Oh, right away. I'll get it for you.

Why don't you go ahead? I have some things to do, so you make the cocoa. Oh,

goody.

Who is so petite?

Who smiles that much? Who?

I can't wait until gravity gets hold of that little bottom and drags it straight

to the center of the Earth.

We should do this more often. I'd like that. Oh, my.

What?

Look where we are.

All right, now, I know it's around here somewhere.

Well, I don't understand. You buried an argument? Who does that?

Apparently us and English people.

You know what? What?

Maybe you and I ought to try it. You know, bring a higher level of intimacy

our relationship.

Are you uncomfortable with the level of intimacy in my relationship?

Sometimes I yearn for something more.

I had no idea.

Oh, it's not a burning concern. It's just that I do consider you my closest

friend, and I would like to bury something with you.

Okay. Yeah, but not if you're going to dig it up. I won't dig it up. Well,

you're digging hers up. All right, but that's different.

Why? Okay, A, stop hocking me about digging up an argument that we haven't

had. And two, I happen to be very worried about what she said.

Really? How come? Just because there was just the sheer volume of it. I mean,

there was like reams of stuff she said.

She must have just torn me a new one. She really must have.

Good boy. Keep digging. Dig, dig, dig. Good boy. Dig it. Dig it up. Good boy.

Dig right here. Right here. Good boy.

Good boy. Ah, there it is. There.

All right.

Newly shorn sheep.

Bite me.

Dear Jamie, all I know is that I love you.

And only you.

And if I've done anything to hurt you, I'm dreadfully sorry. I couldn't be

wronger.

Please forgive me, my darling.

Love, Paul.

Those are his grievances?

Yeah.

You're quite sure he understood the exercise?

He understood it.

Does it make you want to rewrite your grievances?

No, why would it? Well, in case he comes along and digs them up.

Well, he wouldn't do that. He might.

Hal did.

Paul wouldn't.

No. You're right.

He's quite simple, isn't he?

Do me a favor, Paulie. Next time you bury something, draw a map, okay?

It's right around here. I'm almost sure.

Really? Yeah.

You have no idea, do you? Not even sure it's the same park.

These trees are new. These trees weren't here yesterday.

Uh -huh. It was dark last night. Look, it's dark again now.

Yeah, it's called nighttime.

Thank you very much. Why do you make it sound like such a phenomenon?

Here we are. This is it. Okay, start digging.

Really? Yes. Wait a minute, wait a minute. What if we find Hoffa or

You're not going to find Hoffa. Well, what if we do? Then we throw him back

we don't say nothing to nobody.

That's something. Is it Hoffa? No, it's not Hoffa. That's the grievances.

Oh.

Oh, man.

Holly, what did you do to her? I didn't do nothing. She's just a world -class

venter. Wait a minute. Are you sure you want to do this?

I have to. I have to. Because not knowing would just make me insane.

Okay. I'll be a hundred years old. I'll still be digging holes around a park.

All right.

Okay. Brace yourself.

Dear Paul.

I know I'm supposed to be unleashing my wrath in these lines, but as I sit down

now to write them, I find myself unable to summon my earlier anger, unable to

say anything bad.

Maybe it's just that writing things down lends them a permanence that momentary

anger doesn't deserve.

Or maybe it's just that I love you more than the moon and the stars and the

earth in which these notions are to be buried.

My sweetheart, I've already forgotten whatever it is I'm supposed to be angry

about, and all I know is I am ever yours.

Should I leave?

It goes on like that, just one after the other.

Wonderful man.

Inventive lover.

Look really nice in cufflinks.

That's just so sweet.

I feel kind of silly now.

Yeah? I feel a little guilty now.

I got you.

I feel like you'll be wrong to read any more.

I understand.

You look for cops. I'll read as much as I can. Oh, wait. Okay, all right, all

right. Okay, back in the ground it goes.

Yeah.

Hey, hey. What?

My envelope has been opened.

How does she live with herself?

Went for a walk. Just went for a little walk.

Us too.

Murray went again. Oh, good.

What

you

doing there, surfing the net?

Uh -huh. I like pajama, by the way. See, I told you how clever I am.

Oh, oh, wait a second.

Somebody's sending you an e -mail. Oh, an e -mail?

Who's nurse4u .com?

You know who it is? That's Phyllis Yohi.

did I use a spoon?