Original subtitles

God bless you.

Bless you.

Bless you.

Okay, now you're on your own.

What time did my mother say she was coming?

She's what, what?

Okay, uh, sweetie, Pablo, no comprend so much what you're saying.

Why are you speaking French?

The reason I married you and not a French girl, this very kind of thing.

I want us to learn French. Why?

Because we should expand our minds, become citizens of the world.

Yes, it's romantic.

Don't you think so, mon petit cassoulet?

My, my, my little saucepan?

You could do it if you tried.

Quoi du coup, papa, mais ça fait bleu.

What blue?

It's gone.

Honey, she's right over here. But I put her down here, now she's over there.

So walk over here, pick her up, and put her back.

You missed the point. She crawled. Oh, I don't think so.

Maybe she must have crawled. How else could she have gotten there?

Maybe like a very small taxi.

She crawled and we missed her. Oh, man.

Yeah,

okay, you're proud of yourself while you're busy being all French and

everything. We missed our daughter crawling.

Okay, what the hell is that?

New neighbors upstairs.

Who moved in? Germany?

Stop, it's a percussion group.

Oh, the guys with the show with the brooms and the stick and the banging and

clapping and the hitting?

I like them. Oh, yeah, because New York isn't loud enough, so what you want is a

drum corps living over here.

Hiya, Ma.

Who moved in, Germany?

No, it's a... Stop, it's a percussion group.

Oh, I lived under Louis Prima once. He's taller than you might think.

What?

My granddaughter.

Oh, do I have a present for my little granddaughter.

Nebo, Grandma brought you something. What is it?

It's a rug with pictures of Grandma and Grandpa.

Okay. Ma, how many catalogs do you get?

Sylvia, where did you get this? Canada.

I sent our pictures to a little woman in Manitoba, and in two months, presto.

What do you think? I mean, what do you think?

Boy, your head is so plush.

Sylvia, it's so beautiful. I think you and Bert should keep it. No, I thought

Mabel would like to see her grandparents every day.

We have photographs.

Plus, we're trying to keep her from looking down. Paul, tell your mother we

can't accept a gift like this. Oh, I won't take no for an answer. All right,

well, then, thank you very much. Thank you, Sylvia. Wow, look at all that

cereal. That's nice.

No, you know what happened? I was...

I was eating right now, just as I was about to eat.

That happened. That's exactly what happened. Oh, Mabel.

Look how long your hair is. If your parents weren't always so busy, maybe

would take you for a haircut.

Mm -hmm. We like her hair like this, Sylvia. We think it makes her look more

like a girl. No, Mama, maybe it's time you and Mabel got going, huh?

Okay. Au revoir, Mabel. Oh, French.

My other tongue.

Say au revoir, Mama.

A bientôt, Papa.

Tout à l 'heure.

Yes, right, Mabel.

Castille lingerie croissante.

See,

not so fun when you don't know what a person's saying, is it?

Bonne chance.

Can't believe you let her leave that rug.

What are you saying? You're telling her how lovely and beautiful it is. You know

that means I hate and detest it?

Ordinarily, I would, but the way you said it, it sounds like you really like

that. You like that rug, don't you? No, I don't like it. I'm frightened of this

rug.

Looks like if I spill food on it, it's going to reach up and put it back on my

plate.

Okay. I think I just soiled my pants right there.

It bothers me that we continually give in to her. Why do we do that?

We don't give in to her. We just, you know, we choose our fights very

And it just so happens that the last 4 ,300 fights were not worth fighting.

Isn't it awful?

Isn't what awful?

I've spoken to Mr. Wicker, and he says before he can do anything, he has to

complaints from everyone on this floor. Now, the others have called.

Will you?

Yes. Really? Yes.

I don't believe you.

Excuse me? I don't believe you. You have a long history of treachery, deceit,

and general...

I will call and complain. You have my word.

Happy? Yes, ma 'am. I'm jubilant.

Don't you like stuff?

I do.

Plus, I don't want to be one of those old killjoy codgers who tells kids to

quiet down.

So you're not going to complain?

No, it's a little noisy. So what?

You're right. Nothing wrong with a little noise.

Exactly. You've got to have noise.

Noise makes the world go around.

Everything makes noise.

tell me that. Of course. No, I said, I said we're having lunch.

Yeah, we, you and me.

Honey, we, we doesn't mean you and me. What?

Us, us is you and me. We is you and me and someone else, and it's usually Ira.

Really? Yeah. See, here we is.

James, how you doing, Paulie? How you doing? Good. Listen, look at this,

Check it out. The world's smallest cell phone. Oh, I saw the air... for these.

These are so great. Look at this. It stores up to like 3 ,000 numbers plus

can hide it in your mouth.

Look at this.

I have one and that one is for you.

This is for me? Yes.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, I love you as only one man can love another.

This is so... Oh, it's alive.

It's not alive. It's vibrating.

Oh, that's cool. Feel that. Feel. Vibrating. It is in fact vibrating.

You don't like the vibrating? I like it okay.

You don't like this phone? Yee -haw for the vibrating phone.

Wally. What I'm thinking is I would like to start selling these in the store.

Great. Well, it's not really a sporting goods item. No, no, not true. Look,

you're playing right field, right? They've got to bring a pitcher in.

to wait like ten minutes. You don't know what to do with yourself. You check

your voicemail.

Hello? How are you?

I'm good.

I am enjoying this phone. Well, who wouldn't? Oh, I'm saying. It's small,

it? Really small.

So what were you about to say? I have never been lonelier.

I was going to say, the business has not been so great lately, so I want to find

a way to bring some more money in. Sure, okay. Yeah, I'm hanging up now. Okay.

So sell the phones. What's the problem? Well, the problem is your father. He's

such a purist. Hi, yeah, are you the bartender? All right, that's it. I'll

you at Sheila's. Wait a second. I just want to say these fries are dynamite,

by the way, look, bigger than my phone.

I don't know what could be keeping him.

Therapy. Sheila, hi.

It's Paul. Hi, Paul.

Is Jamie there? Yes, Jamie's here. Okay, could you just tell her that I will see

her in about... Right now.

These things, they're lifesavers, these things. Where have you been?

I was waiting for you. Where?

In the waiting room. I said I'll meet you at Sheila's. Yeah, in the waiting

room. Traditionally, the gateway to Sheila's. All right. We always meet in

waiting room. So, no, I'm just saying. Fine. Okay.

So, I was just telling Sheila how you flew off the handle because I didn't

the rug your parents gave us and how you blew up at me just because I didn't

know that we meant us and Ira. And Sheila, I have to say, on just about all

counts, agrees with me.

Okay.

Okay, so coming late to therapy, apparently not my favorite thing.

What did you say? No, that's not whatever she said. Not true. No, I

up at you because you hated the rug. I agreed with you. I agreed with you that

the rug was to be hated. It's a hate -inspiring rug.

And I was just confused because you said you liked it, and I didn't think you

would like it, so that just threw me. And, Ira, I didn't blow up at you about

Ira. I simply tried to make it clear that I had, in fact, previously invited

Ira, and I simply used...

the English language as you and I have come to define it, which is to say that

us means you and me, and we means you and me and another.

You know, including, although not necessarily limited to, but although

frequently being, either.

Paul? Yes?

Stop talking.

What's that?

Thank you, Sheila, because when I say it... Jamie? Yeah? Stop talking.

Both of you, stop.

Talking. All right.

All right. I think I see a problem developing here, and before it becomes a

serious problem, I think we should nip it in the bud. Please. Well, let's nip.

For God's sake, nip, nip.

I think that the words you're using are actually getting in your way, keeping

you from communicating clearly.

What?

You see this happen in established couples from time to time. They stop

listening to each other.

This can be a pernicious weed that, left unchecked, could choke the garden of

your love.

What the heck? do we do about that?

Yeah, where do we get a pernicious weed whacker?

I'd like to try a little exercise, if we may. I love exercise. What kind of

exercise? Stop talking.

Forever? No, for the rest of the day.

Instead, find clear, nonverbal ways to communicate with each other.

No whistling.

No whistling, no writing, no finger snapping.

Wow. This won't be easy, but believe me, someday you'll thank me.

What do you say? Can you do it? Well, I could do it, but his head would explode.

What happens if I last longer than him? Does he have to be my slave? Hey, that's

a good question. What does the winner get? This is not a competition.

Oh, man.

You are tending your love garden, damn it. All right.

Is there anything you'd like to say to one another before you start?

Yes. Have you seen my blue suit?

Excuse me?

I have that meeting tomorrow. I wanted to wear my blue suit.

That's the last thing you'd like to say to me? Have I seen your suit?

Well, I figure if I don't get it in now, I have no chance. Oh, my God.

Sorry.

I love you.

I love you, too.

You haven't seen the suit?

The dry cleaners should be ready in the morning. Okay, good. Okay, good.

Thanks. Good.

Is that it?

Yeah. Okay.

All right, then.

Ready? Begin. Any time. Just... Oh, there we go. Right there. All right. All

right. We'll begin.

All right.

Ready? Begin.

I'll see you next week. Oh, we have a problem next week.

Sorry. Talk about it later.

Ready? Begin.

Oh, hey. Pants. Pants. Pants. Pants.

Oh, oh.

No talking, so no answering a phone.

Okay, now I get it. I get it now.

Ready?

Begin.

You guys can go.

We still have 40 minutes left in our session.

Fine.

Ready?

Begin.

fabulous telephone, I call you, and either you don't call me back or you

on me.

By the way, nice sweater. What's Olivia Newton -John wearing?

Hey, what's going on?

Why aren't you guys talking?

Why aren't you talking to me?

Oh, my God.

You know, don't you?

Oh, I can't believe it. I am so sorry. I am so ashamed of myself. I took it,

okay?

Last week I broke in and I took it.

Trust me, you guys, I will get it back to you. I will.

Can't believe I bet on the stupid Jets.

Hi.

Guess who I just saw in your elevator.

Come on, guess.

Will you guess?

It would mean a lot to me if you'd guess.

Please.

I play your games.

Hiya, partner.

Aren't we gorgeous?

We got them at the zoo at the pony ride.

And after the zoo, we had some time, and so we got a little haircut.

Isn't she adorable?

Evening, Miss Kitty. Evening, Marshall.

Don't evening me.

I don't want you selling electronics in the store.

Bonnie, would you tell him what a good idea this phone thing is?

Would you help me out here?

Uncle Bert, I cannot take Buckman's into the 21st century selling sweat socks.

Look, let me tell you something, pal. Some good times, some bad times,

feet are always going to perspire.

What have you got to say for yourself?

Huh?

What? No snappy retort to put me in my place?

Well, seeing as you love your new neighbours so very much, I thought I'd

them round with a cup of noise.

This way, please.

She can see where she's going.

Okay, by the way, ow!

What? From before with my thumb in the drawer.

Hey, what did you steal from us?

Nothing. We'll have it back by Tuesday.

Woody Allen.

Huh? Who you saw before in the elevator, Woody Allen.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Olympia Dukakis.

Thanks for playing.

So I guess we can go back to our regular form of communication?

Absolutely.

Because it's easy for us.

We always talk together.

Exactly.