Original subtitles

Oops.

Okay, Mabel, let me ask you. She's your mother, so you know her. Which do you

think she would rather have for Mother's Day?

Choice A, a lovely scarf?

See? Which she can wear about the neck, and when she gets older, about the head.

All right, sure. Or, potential gift number two, nut clusters.

You know what? You know, you're really not helping much here.

And need I remind you that both our names are going to be on this gift, so

might want to shape up, my little pal.

Yeah. Hey, Paul. Hey, James Home?

Uh, no, she and Fran went to Nike Town.

Great. Marvin, bring it in.

Bring what in? It's my Mother's Day gift for James.

I brought it today because I'm working on Sunday. A rocking chair?

Yes. That's a great present. I know. She can sit, she can rock. Oh, look at

this. She can hold Mabel, and she can rock her to sleep, and she can sing to

her. She can sing, of course. Old MacDonald. Yeah. Farmer and Adele. Yeah.

you know the Muffin Man? Yeah, I get all songs and work with the chair. This is

a great present. Well, thank you.

You know what this means, don't you? What?

My wife is getting a better Mother's Day present from you than she is from me.

Why? What are you giving her? Nut clusters.

Nut clusters? Or a scarf.

Anything else? Maybe nut clusters and a scarf.

I know what you're doing. You're keeping the standards low. That way next year

Mother's Day rolls around and you get like a pizza or something, you're a big

star.

Here's what's going to happen. I'm giving her the rocking chair.

What's the matter with you? I'm giving her the... Please, come on. Let me give

her the rocking chair. It's such a great present.

Paulie, please.

Listen, I'll give her the rocking chair. You can give her the scarf, and then

you keep the nut clusters for yourself. I know how much you like them. And

everybody walks away happy. You would do that. You would steal my thunder like

that. Yeah!

That hurts, Paulie.

Oh, come on. She's my wife, and I've been racking my brains. I'm totally out

ideas now.

Oh, Paul.

Ye of little imagination.

What's that?

Mother's Day offers the imaginative man a wealth of possibilities.

Listen to him, Pauly. When it comes to Mother's Day, Marvin is the champ. All

right, champ. I'm serious. Tell him what you're doing for your mom. You know

those giant video screens in Times Square?

About a block high?

It's amazing.

I'm having a Mother's Day message displayed for her there. It'll be

special, and she'll love it.

Okay, I'm giving Jamie the video screen message.

No way!

Come on, listen. I'll give you the rocking chair. You can give it to your

mother. You give Jamie the scarf, and then you guys split the nut clusters,

everybody walks away happy. Oh, wait a minute. I don't even like nut clusters.

I'll leave the nut clusters, all right? I'll leave the nut clusters, and I'll

return the scarf. We'll both have a little message up on the Times Square

You can give Jamie the rocking chair like you want, and everybody walks away

happy. Not everybody.

Yeah, but I do.

What do you think of this?

To Jamie, you're some kind of mom.

Is he like that? Or do you think he maybe should be wondering, you know,

I'm some kind of mom, but maybe he doesn't know what kind.

I can't imagine anybody taking it that way. What do you think, Marvin?

You stole my idea.

Don't be like that, Marvin.

Why don't you have some joy in your heart that you reached out and you

your brother? Drop dead. If you can.

You're some kind of mom.

Did a light bulb appear above your head before you thought of that one?

What are you putting up there, big shot?

Oh, wouldn't you like to know? Well, if you're going to mock me, I'd like to

see. Okay.

Just so you know what true artistry is.

Look at this. Next, please.

Is there anything purer than your sweet love in earth beneath or sky above?

What? No, nothing. What?

It's a little schmaltzy, no?

What? No.

Hey, hey, hey. Easy, easy.

Okay. That's all he says. Criticism from the author of You're Some Kind of Mom.

Oh, that's marvelous. What else have you written, Paul?

Get well soon?

Let's get reading.

Now, what do we got? No sunset has your warmth. No ocean has your depth.

You hold me when I ache.

You stroke me when I wept.

What?

Wept.

What about it?

Nothing. Always thinking of your milky skin.

Your raspy little laugh the time we talk till dawn. This is your actual

biological mother?

Read the ending.

Oh, so sweet, so coy, so sassy.

I'll always love you, my beautiful Cassie.

Cassie's my mother. Of course she is. And then after they show the message,

going to have them scan in a picture of her.

I'm going to do that. That's a great idea, Marvin. Thank you for that idea.

Next, please.

Hi, how are you?

Here's what I've come up with so far.

To Jamie, you're some kind of mom. What do you think of that?

You're some kind of mom. Is that good? You like that?

It's the best one we've ever had.

Well, isn't this lovely?

Let me hear what I'm doing for Jamie. What?

At exactly 7 .37, I'm going to take her up to the Marriott marquee, and we're

going to look out the window, and she's going to see this huge, gigantic

Mother's Day greeting that I wrote up on the Times Square screen.

Wow, you are really pulling out all the stops.

And I should know, because I'm still using the bath powder you gave me last

year.

Ma, you know, don't you, there's a big surprise for you, too.

Listen, me? I don't need to fuss. I'm ashamed to tell you how many Mother's

there are.

What kind of surprise?

What's that? What kind of surprise?

A present.

A big, very thoughtful present.

And a card. A card and a present together with a card. One second.

Okay, I've got a big problem. I forgot to get Mom the present. Oh. I was so

with the Jamie stuff, I totally slipped my mind. Did you get her anything?

Yeah. Okay, make it from both of us. No. Oh, come on, Bob. Why not? No, because

it's not the kind of thing... Oh, Debbie, please. Please. Debbie, please.

Okay.

Ma, you remember last week when I took you to see the Scarlet Pimpernel? Yeah.

Yeah, well, that was from Paul, too.

Told you.

I'm sorry, Ma. Just in my myopia, I forgot.

Fine. In my myopia, I'm saying.

Oh, please. It's nothing.

Really? Nothing.

She says it's nothing, but in fact... It's something. Yes.

Now hold the calendar a little higher.

Point to the date.

What's the matter with this damn thing?

Are you okay?

Hey, how are you? Jamie Buckman?

No, but... You know what? I don't care who you are. Just sign here.

Okay. Here you go.

Klondike Pete. Yeah, well, you don't care who I am. There you go.

More flowers for you. Oh, for Mark and Fred.

Oh, that's sweet. Isn't that nice? I put this with the other 743 ,000 flowers.

Ah, how nice.

Ma. I'm saying, how nice.

Okay, I think we should open some presents. Now, there's a good idea. Open

presents. Oh, what a lovely -looking rocking chair. Yeah, good idea. We'll

with something big. No, Deb, don't start there. You know, I think we can maybe

do something here for you, Deb. Oh, from Ira. With love to my favorite mother,

Jamie. Oh, my God.

Yeah, my God.

Yeah.

Kate? Yeah, Kate. Kate! What a great idea. Come on. Come on, Jamie. Kate.

through all the mothers.

Later for me.

Oh, it's definitely broken. All right, Sylvia, don't move. I'm going to call an

ambulance. Oh, no, no, please, dear.

Finish your cake. Then we'll worry about me.

How do you feel, ma?

I'm fine, thank you. Don't be so concerned.

It's only a limb. Oh, ma.

You know what's really killing me? The cling.

The what?

The static cling.

My pants are clinging to the sheets. It's driving me crazy.

God bless you, Sylvia. Worried about static cling at a time like this? Oh,

me a favor. Get me the static guard. It's in my purse. Thank you. Oh,

you poor thing. I feel so terrible that this happened.

All I can say is better me than you.

I found the doctor.

Mrs. Buckman. Hi, I'm Dr. Hill. Doctor, thank goodness.

Let's take a look, shall we? Yes.

Mrs. Buckman. You do what you have to do. Okay.

Oh, boy, Mom's got some grip, huh?

How would you describe the pain?

Like a squeezing sensation.

I can't even feel the pinky. It's so... Your mom's pain? Of course.

It's unrelenting and severe.

Oh, my little fragile doll.

Bad there?

Oh, my God.

You go, oh, I had to do it again. You're a very brave woman, Mrs. Buckman. I

know.

I want to send you over for a couple of x -rays, just in case. Oh, my God.

Why don't you all meet her back here in about 25 minutes?

Okay? Okay. Bye, Mom. We love you.

We'll see you shortly, sweetheart.

Courage, Sylvia.

Best mom in the world, that's what you are.

I'd wave except for the pain. Okay.

Those darn Amish.

Amish? Well, they invented the rocking chair, didn't they? Oh, I don't think it

was them. I forgot my coat. I'll meet you down there. They invented the

shoehorn. These are the...

I was, uh, you know, I was just testing it out.

How'd that go for you?

Oh, fine. Is it fine?

Responded well, the leg?

Surprisingly well, yes. Sylvia, you didn't actually hurt your leg, did you?

I did.

Sylvia? Well, for your information, even as we speak, I am in the midst of wave

upon wave of searing pain.

Sylvia? I mean, walk a mile in my shoes before you judge.

Not that you could in my condition.

Sylvia? All right.

I didn't hurt my leg.

I mean, you have one baby and suddenly I'm nothing.

What? I mean, it's not that I begrudge you the outpouring of love from your

family. No, of course not. Except when it comes at my expense.

I understand.

I'm so ashamed.

Oh, no, Sylvia, don't be. No, I'm ashamed. No, don't be. I'm telling you

ashamed.

Take someone says they're ashamed.

Shut it and think of the weakness of character that I have shown.

Sylvia. You won't tell anyone, will you? No. Of course not. Because I would die

of the humiliation.

I won't tell them. You know what's going to happen? They'll take the x -rays.

They'll be negative. I'll limp around a little. I'll get a little better. And

then it'll be like our little secret.

I promise.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You're a good girl.

Thank you.

Maybe I should have given you a fairer shake all these years.

Boy, Sylvia. Yeah, you're right. What's done is done.

Boss. Marvin, what are you doing here? It's only a half an hour until your

Square message.

Cassie and I just had a fight.

Cassie? My mother.

A fight? About what? She got real flirty with the taxi driver.

I hate when she does that. Oh. And I told her so.

I said, how do you think that makes me feel?

One thing led to another. She said she didn't need this crap.

She got out of the cab and rushed home.

Wow. Women.

Yeah, yeah. They just don't get it. No. You know what? They really don't.

But it hurts so much.

We've all been there, you know. Well, sort of.

Hey, boss, will you do me a favor? Will you talk to her?

What, me?

Yeah, just tell her how bad I feel and how much I love her and ask her if

ever see me again. Marvin, I don't want to meddle in family business.

But I feel so empty without her.

The air is a dusty gray.

Food has no taste.

And sleep is just a shallow, sarcastic illusion.

You haven't even been to sleep yet. I'm predicting.

I will go. I will talk to her. You take care of this, okay?

I will. Okay.

Thank you.

And tell Cassie that I love her.

Cassie?

Walk so quietly.

Well, somebody seems to be feeling a little better.

Oh, I only wish the x -ray girl noticed that my polish was chipping, so I fought

through the pain. You fought through the pain to polish your toenails?

What? When a woman's in pain, she needs to feel pretty.

Yes.

So it doesn't hurt your leg to bend it like that? Well, I'm obviously in shock.

Wait a minute, Ma.

Wasn't it the other leg that you hurt?

I'm sure Sylvia knows which leg she hurt. No, but you know what? She's

because when we found you, you were on your right side. Remember? You fell on

your right side, which means you would have broken your right leg. You don't

know that.

How else would that have happened? Maybe she bounced.

She bounced from her left side over to her right side. Maybe.

You know, come to think of it, how did you catapult out of that chair anyway,

Ma? Debbie, clearly, she lost control of the chair.

Lost control.

What is it, a Lamborghini now?

She lost control of the chair. She was rocking excitedly, and she lost control.

She catapulted herself out of the chair and onto the floor, landing on and

severely injuring her left leg, whereupon she apparently bounced, coming

on her right side.

Is that right, Sylvia? Uh -huh, uh -huh.

See? Yeah.

What?

Nothing. I just, I find it hard to believe that my mother would just bounce

like that.

Oh, my God. My God. My God. What are you saying then? Are you saying that she,

what, she faked an injury? Why, what? And why? Would she get attention? Is

what you're saying? No. No, of course not. Then come on, apologize to your

mother. No, we weren't saying that. You both apologized to your mother.

I'm sorry, ma.

No, we really, we were very thoughtless. Thoughtless, thoughtless, thoughtless.

Thank you.

Jeez.

I can only hope that my children have more respect if I ever injured myself on

Mother's Day. Jamie. Yeah.

I think I've made my point.

Well, Mrs. Buckman, your fibula and your tibia are integrated, longitudinally

aligned, and still articulating in concert with your femur. What?

You're fine.

Nice surprise.

But considering the pain that you are clearly in, something is probably amiss,

and we really should immobilize the leg.

Immobilize. The cast should stay on for six to eight weeks, and then we'll take

it from there, all right?

Good.

A cast, really?

This is the price you pay when you take a horrible spill.

Okay. In a moment, someone will be in to wheel you up to orthopedics. Why don't

you guys meet her up there? Okay. All right.

Thank you. Good, thank you. Hold tight, buttercup.

What a good mother.

All right.

I can't believe I just did that. I accused my own mother of faking an

know, sweetie. We've all had a tough day. Oh, and on Mother's Day, I would...

Oh! What?

Now we're gonna miss your Mother's Day surprise.

Why? Because it's... it's cross town and we gotta be there in, like, just a

minute. Well, can't we make it if we hurry?

Maybe, but don't you think we should be here for Mom?

I think we can go.

Did you talk to her?

Yes, Marvin, I did.

And? And she is a very lovely lady.

And? Really lovely. And I must say, attractive and youthful.

And? And I told her what you said.

And? And she forgives you.

Really? Yes.

Wow.

Thank you, boss. Thank you.

No problem. Thank you so much. Listen, do me a favor, will you? If you don't

mind, stick around until closing and lock up for me. Why?

Oh, nothing. You know, I got a little date.

With who? Cheryl?

Uh, no.

Molly.

Uh, no.

Rebecca?

No.

Sarah?

No.

Oh, God. Marvin.

You're going on a date with my mother.

It is not a date.

Where are you taking her?

Actually, we were thinking of staying in.

What is this? It's

just the tallest, most elaborate Mother's Day card ever.

Whoops. Just hope we didn't miss it.

Maybe it's after this lame one.

You're some kind of mom.

Bet a light bulb really went off over that guy's head.

Yeah.

That is lame, huh?

It's not even clear. What is that?

Some kind of mom? What kind of mom is she, guy?

I don't know that anybody would be thinking that.

Whatever, so I guess we missed... Oh, honey!

What? Is there anything purer than your sweet love in earth beneath or sky

above? No sunset has your warmth.

No ocean has your depth.

You hold me when I ache.

You stroke me when I wept.

Honey, is that your message to me?

Yes, it is.

If not me, then who?

And then she told me that she never really loved me.

And she held me one more time.

And then she opened the door and she just left.

She just walked right out of my life and she's never coming back again.

And I'm never, ever going to see your mother ever again.

I'm sorry, boss.

I really am.

So, she's available.