Original subtitles

And all of the animals stopped and listened to the wonderful sound.

They had never heard anything so beautiful.

It was a special day in the forest. It was the day Billy the Bullfrog got back

his croak.

The end.

What do you think of that story?

Next time, just a little thumbs down will do fine.

I love you like I do. And tell me who can start my heart as much as you.

Tell me all your secrets. I'll tell you most of mine.

They say nobody's perfect.

Well, that's really true this time.

I don't have an answer.

I don't have a plan.

All I have is you, baby.

Help me understand. What we do.

You can whisper in my ear. Where we go.

Who knows what happens after here?

Let's take each other's hand and jump into the final frontier.

Okay,

why? Why would Al Gore come to New York City when he knows all it's going to do

is screw up traffic and make everybody angry at him? It's going to be on Conan.

Oh, that's right, plugging the new Al Gore cologne.

We should leave early if we want to make it on time to the restaurant.

Right.

I wonder what this new boyfriend is like your mother wants us to meet. He is not

her boyfriend.

At no time did she use the word boyfriend. She called him her gentleman

Gentleman friend.

It's another way to stand out like, hey, hey.

There's tuna salad.

No, no, thank you. I was just wondering.

What?

How close you are to, you know, using the bottle at all, to any degree.

Soon.

Because I know soon, but like when?

Like soon. I don't want to give this up. I love this.

We're saying give it up. I would never say give it up. I'm saying augment.

Augment. The bottle in addition to the breast. Yes, but once they get a hold of

the bottle, some babies lose interest in the breast.

She didn't have to be nuts.

I would miss this time with her so much. It's such a sweet... Ow!

Even so.

It's just, you know, when I see you feeding her, you guys, you're so close.

You're so... You're close to her. You change her. You clean her.

I'm close to the bottom of her.

I'd like to be close to the top of her.

I want some action on the way in.

Because, you know, nutritionally, the bottle is fine.

I know. Soon.

Plus, you'll be able to keep, you know, your clothes on in public, which we used

to enjoy.

Soon.

Okay. But you're definitely going to do it, right? Soon.

In India, a hurricane might be called a monsoon.

Can you believe this? She won't even let me

feed my own child.

Don't you understand?

As far as the kid is concerned, you are done, okay?

Finished. I mean, from now on, you are just a guy who sits in a chair and

increasingly odd as the years go by.

Buddy, say hello to Mr. Buckman.

Hey. Hi, Mr.

Buckman. Hello, team. How you doing?

Oh, everybody say thank you, Mr. Buckman.

Thank you, Mr.

Buckman. What is this?

Buddy. I give you the Turtle Bay Rangers, newest entry in the Midtown

Hockey League, sponsored by... Blocking Sporting Goods!

Oh, that's so cool!

Yeah, they've come here for their last -minute pep talk.

Oh, from you, of course, Mr. Hockey.

All right, men, in just a short while, you will be faced with the greatest

athletic challenge of your young lives against your sworn enemy, the Murray

Red Wings. Now, each of you may be wondering how you're going to hold up.

in the heat of the battle. Well, until that opening face -off, you cannot know

for sure.

So, what I want to tell you is this.

You do what you feel.

Okay? If you're tired, slow down.

If you're afraid of the puck, run away.

And, if you feel like giving up, remember, sometimes you really should.

All right?

All right. Let's go out there and play some hockey. All right? Ice cream if you

lose.

Just being realistic.

You could have held out the possibility that they could win.

Have you ever seen them play?

That is very generous of you that you would sponsor the kids like that.

Well, believe me, I'll get my investment back.

Why? What does that mean?

Well, you know, nothing. It's good advertising, plus... Plus what?

Nothing.

What?

Polly, look, let's just say that if the Rangers lose, I win.

Did you fix a youth hockey game?

Come on, they're gonna lose anyway. Only one of them can actually skate. And

then, only in a big circle to his left.

Hey, boss, what's the spread on the kids' hockey game? Oh, and what a fine

influence you are on others.

Hey, everybody.

Hiya. There's my girl.

Miserable traffic.

Yeah, well, you know, Al Gore, king of late nights.

Tried 6th, 8th, 10th, 12th, the West Side Highway, all jammed. Just miserable

masses of people. Honey.

What? Not in the stock room.

Sweetie, when my breasts hear a crying child, which they have since 14th

very quickly the bar is open.

Yeah, but she just ate before.

I'm breastfeeding my child. Would you get over yourself?

James should feel completely comfortable breastfeeding around me.

Oh.

Okay, admit. Come on, admit it. This makes you crazy.

You don't know whether you should be embarrassed or aroused or thirsty.

You don't even know where to put your eyes. Admit it. It doesn't make me the

least bit uncomfortable.

Get your big life. Marvin, come on.

You, Marvin, who lives with your mother. This has got to make you crazy, doesn't

it? Not at all. As a matter of fact, I find it very calming and healthy.

All right, you know what? Just do something else. What did you get out of

Uncle Ira, I forgot my cup.

Oh, hey, don't look there. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look there.

What? The kid's got to eat.

Okay.

You know what?

You don't fool me.

None of you.

One little burp while Mommy puts her bosoms away.

And it's the next by five at the head.

Hi. Hey, Mommy.

Hi. Hey, where's my granddaughter? Where is she?

Look who's here. Oh, hello, sweetheart. Look how big she's getting. She's so

beautiful. Can we have some ice water for the table, please? I beg your

Some ice water and some breadsticks, please. I'd love to help you if only I

worked here.

What face did you ever see? So you're not the waiter?

Waiter? No, honey, this is Patrick.

Patrick, this is my daughter, Jamie, and my son -in -law, Paul.

Pleasure to meet you. The gentleman friend.

Guilty as charged.

Not at all.

Well, we'd better order. Patrick has to get to a matinee.

Oh, what are you going to see?

Oh, no, no, no. He's in the matinee.

He's in Lord of the Dance.

You're a Lord of the Dance dancer? And I might add the very best one in the

show. Oh, come now.

No, you are.

Frankly, he's better than the Lord.

Teresa, please.

No, but you are.

I mean, the Lord is a good dancer, but you're a better one.

Better dancer than the Lord.

Are you familiar with the show? Oh, it's got wonderful staging and brilliant

stories, lovely music.

Yeah, it's supposed to be, like, magically delicious.

We couldn't get tickets.

Well, you can now.

Quite so. Oh, you'll see to it. A dancer. Uh -huh.

He's a dancer.

I was a dancer.

I mean, look at us. What are the odds?

I would say long.

Say the odds were long.

Sweetie? I'm starving. What looks good here? You know what I think you'd enjoy,

your love, is the shepherd's pie.

Shepherd's pie?

Sounds Irish.

And good. Oh, it's marvelous.

It's marvelous. It's a real treat.

And not just for the shepherd.

Okay, so here's a question.

How did you two meet?

Well, I just finished doing the show.

No, no, you tell us.

Tell us.

It is lovelier told by you. Oh, somebody tell us.

All right. Well, I went to see the show. Lord of the Dance. Lord of the Dance.

And I found myself sitting there absolutely enraptured.

Enraptured. Yes.

Enraptured.

Yeah. So, Patrick, how long have you been in New York?

Oh, six months.

And you're here till... Indefinitely.

Huh. Aces.

Yes, sweetie.

Sanders, you two would be what? The phrase would be what? You're dating?

Courting?

Kidding?

You know that Patrick was voted all -county dancer when he was only five

old. Really? And that was like, what, ten years ago?

Sweetie? What'd I say?

Jamie, don't start.

What? What did I say? I just said he was young.

That's enough. Have I insulted you? It's not an insult to say you're a young

man. That's more than enough. What? You're having a December -May romance.

Sweetie. In this case, sort of December -early March, but... Bingo!

Let's go, Patrick.

You just couldn't help yourself, could you?

Shepherd's pie? Maybe we get some shepherd's pie?

Oh, now, why would you want to go and do a thing like that?

Well, we can forget about those free tickets now, Ollie.

Mom?

Mom?

What, you're not speaking to me now?

I'm old. I can't hear you.

Oh, hi, Jamie.

Hi, Patrick.

Don't you talk to him.

I'm off. I'm sorry.

What are you doing dating a guy the square root of your age? And just who

you to judge me? I'm your daughter.

Listen,

missy. I don't need your approval. Of course you do. No, I don't. I just

that since I'm happy when you're happy, you should be happy when I'm happy. But

mom, you're making a mistake.

This is my life.

Look,

half of it happens to be one horrific guy.

Mom, when he's 60, you'll be 80. Look.

I'm not marrying him. I'm only sleeping with him.

When you do marry him, when you're 80, he'll be 100.

When he's 96, he'll be 116.

When he's 320, you're going to be 340. Now, that should be the worst problem in

my life that I ever had, that I'm a 340 -year -old woman dating a younger man.

What is it you want me to do, Jamie?

Do you want me to go home and sit in my room alone for the next 290 years?

No, no, no.

Of course not. No.

Laura?

I'm sorry.

Patrick,

I'd like to apologize to you as well.

Hold on for a moment if you would, Janie.

It's a curtain call, sorry. Oh, good.

Is that all right?

Okay, okay, okay. Oh, oh, oh, I know that sound.

Oh, and I also know that sadly, Mommy doesn't knock.

Please let it be a soliciting wet nurse.

Boy, they played their little hearts out, Paul.

I really felt for them, you know, but they'll always be champions to me. Hey,

you got change for a fifty?

We've got a big problem here. What?

Baby is starving. Jamie's not home yet. So what's the big deal? Give her a

bottle. Oh, you don't understand a thing, do you?

It's a very big deal. We've never given her a bottle. Haven't given her a bottle

ever. And, you know, for Jamie, emotionally, that's a big step.

Yeah. Okay, okay. Won't you try? Want to go back in here? Okay.

Okay. We'll just... All right. You know...

Sweetie, if I could lactate, you'd be so happy, and I'd be in a circus.

Oh, Fixer! What?

Corruptor! I don't know what you're talking about. Don't you lie to me,

saw you smirking after every Red Wing goal. Didn't. I saw you high -fiving

Marvin. Wouldn't. I saw you take that wad of money from the father from the

other team.

You saw that, did you?

Fixer! Come on, we apologize. We really do. We? Yeah, Paulie, Marvin, and I, we

made a horrible mistake.

Hey!

Oh, you villain! You adverse influence!

Okay, first of all, you calm down. And also, by the way, you're a heck of a

Boys, do you have something to say to the two Mr. Buckmans?

Thank you, Mr.

Buckman.

No, no, the other thing. Tell the two Mr. Buckmans how disillusioned you are.

Our hearts are broken, Mr.

Buckman.

I hope it was worth it.

Don't even try it.

I break with thee.

Both of these.

And for God's sake, that baby's hungry. Feed her.

Franny, before you break with me, one quick question.

Jamie's late, so do you think it would be okay if, without asking her first, I

gave the baby the bottle for the first time?

You're going to do that?

I'm thinking I might.

It's a good idea.

The kid is hungry.

I'm nursing.

My daughter's at home and she's hungry.

Oh, man. How old?

Three months.

You really should consider introducing the bottle.

You know what? I'm just saying, three months at a certain point, you've got to

cut the cord.

The last time you gave birth would be when?

By the way, five across is not grima.

What to do if your baby's hungry and your wife says she'll be home in an hour

and turns out she's a big fat liar?

Amazingly, they don't have that.

Only books suck.

You know what? Give me the phone.

All right. Here we go. Let her suck on your finger because it pacifies her.

You serious?

No, that's a big prank.

Okay.

Wow. She can take my arm off at the elbow.

No, she's at the damn pottery barn again.

This is really more of a mom question.

Club soda and feather it with a tissue.

Uh, no, I don't think that's going to work here.

Here's the problem.

Jamie's not home yet, and the baby's hungry, and we've never given her the

bottle yet, and Jamie really wants to keep it that way, so I don't even know

what I'm supposed to do.

Feeder! You think?

Your mother was dead set against getting an electric can opener. Dead set. It

was the antichrist to her.

I bought it. She never even noticed it.

Pop, you're a very smart man. Sure.

Okay, thanks. Bye.

All right, you know what? You watch the baby. I'm going to make the formula.

This is amazing. She can totally hang from my finger.

What goes in first, the powder or the water?

The water, the water, because you've got to stir the water while you add in the

powder. Just dump it in first.

What smells?

That's this. That's what it smells like.

That can't be right. Everything for babies smells good.

What's the expiration date?

That's exactly how it's supposed to smell. I read about this.

I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. How's the

temperature? Temperature?

It's not bad.

Taste it.

You'll be alone for the days when you just smell it.

Okay. Here we go. Here we go.

We're going to be all right.

Boy, Daddy has made such a feast for you. Oh, my goodness.

A feast.

It's going to be all right.

It's going to be a little different, but it's going to be all right. Paul, are

you sure about this? Yes.

Really? Yes. Would you shut up? My child is hungry, and I'm going to feed her.

Just sit down. Don't talk.

All right. Here we go. Here we go. All right. Look what Daddy made for you.

It's father's milk.

All right.

Try it. You might like it. You might like it.

Oh,

look at that.

Look at that.

Oh, this is great.

Can I do it?

Could you possibly have, like, the smallest sense of the moment, please?

Yeah.

That's my girl.

Thank God.

Sorry, but we were really, really hungry. Starving. And so I'm sorry.

sorry. Really sorry. Thank God you did it.

Really? Well, it looks like she likes it. Yeah, okay, but now that you're

maybe you should... No, no, no, no.

Really? Go ahead.

You sure?

You're doing great.

Okay.

All right.

Ow! Oh, kidding!

Just so glad you're here, because I've wanted shepherd pie for like five

now. I never got it, and I don't know how to do it, so just thank you. So what

do we do? Well, first you add your suet. Suet.

Okay. There you go.

Then you put in your kidneys.

Kidneys?

Don't be shy. Put them all in.

All right. Do you have any more entrails?

Entrails? No. No entrails. All right. Then put in the stick of butter.

Butter?

Now you add your gristle.

Gristle? Yes.

You're the shepherd.