Original subtitles

Trick or treat.

How old are you?

Seven.

What are you supposed to be dressed up as?

An adult.

Good costume.

Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, little baby.

Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, for crying out

loud.

Can't remember a time we weren't putting this baby to bed.

Okay, oh, okay.

Come on, Mabel.

Okay, come on, honey.

It's a thousand o 'clock, come on.

You know, I got that big meeting in the morning. Uh -huh. I told you about that

meeting with Ira. We're meeting the Belgians. Yeah.

Yeah, they might distribute our film.

Big meeting, you know. Big meeting.

I have to be fresh and rested for a meeting. What are you saying?

I'm saying, would it be completely wrong if I asked briefly, can I possibly

sleep for a little while? Well, maybe for a little while. You took the baby in

the other room, the two of you.

Wrong. Probably.

In the meantime, can I just say one thing? We're not getting a nanny.

Okay, A, how do you know that's what I was going to say?

And two, why?

Because I don't want my child being raised by an intermediary. I'm talking

raising, just holding in the other room for a little while.

Give me another song.

What? I said another song. I want you to sing her another song. I don't have any

more songs. I'm totally out of songs. I got Louie Louie and The Lion Sleeps

Tonight. Good, The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

Seriously. Sing to your daughter.

In the jungle, the mighty jungle,

the lion sleeps tonight.

I'm calling the doctor.

He's such a great singer.

I'm worried. She's never done this before.

Sweetie, granted, I'm just a layman here, but my understanding is that

often cry quite a lot. Not like this. She's not hungry. She's not gassy. She

doesn't have a rash. I'm calling the doctor.

She's got the appointment tomorrow anyway. Good. We'll be early.

Okay.

What? What is your problem with calling the doctor?

You know, listen, if that's the first impression you want to make... What?

It's just, you know, here we are. This is the first time we're calling him in

the middle of the night for basically a marginal... First of all, it's not...

Bouncer, bouncer, bouncer, bouncer, bouncer.

What kind of impression we make? We were very lucky to get this guy. He's only

seeing us as a favor to Joan.

You know, most of his patients are big, fancy, famous people.

I don't care how big and fancy he is. I don't care who his famous patients are.

Fair enough.

Who are they?

What? His famous patients.

All right, Rosie O'Donnell, Donald Trump, Sinead O 'Connor.

Wow. Exactly.

Well, who are we to call this guy?

All right, that's it. I'm calling the doctor.

He's our doctor. It's his job.

That to Sinead O 'Connor was no treat.

Hello, Don Kekich. Dr. Kekich, this is Jamie Buckman calling. I'm one of your

new patients. We're actually seeing you tomorrow for the first time. Our

daughter, Mabel, woke up about two hours ago, and she's crying, and she hasn't

stopped. She's not warm. She's not listless. Her color is good. Sort of a

light aubergine.

Hello?

So we're just going to bring her over now, if that's okay? Mrs. Buckman, it

seems like you've covered all the bases, so why don't you just bring her into

the office tomorrow and we'll have a look. Okay, so we're going to bring her

over now, if that's okay? I understand your concern, Mrs. Buckman, but I think

it'll be just fine if you bring her in tomorrow and we check her out. Okay, so

we're going to bring her over now, if that's okay?

You know what?

Why don't you bring her over right now? Okay, if that's what you think.

Hello? Joe?

Don Kekich. Oh, hi, Don. Everything okay?

Paul and Jamie Buckman are bringing their baby in. Why? No reason. The

fine. She's just crying, and they're wildly overreacting is all.

Oh. I just wanted to thank you so very much for the referral.

Right now.

Oh, it's nothing. Paul and Jamie are just taking the baby to the doctor.

Why? Oh, it's nothing. Nothing. No, no, no. She's crying and they're just

flipping out a little. Is she okay? How do you know she's okay? Deb, believe me.

I'm calling them.

What's the difference? They're all right.

What's wrong with the baby?

Ma? Debbie?

Oh, my God. I must have pushed the wrong speed dial button. What's wrong with

the baby? Nothing. Nothing. Why would you think something's wrong with the

I never got good news after 9 .30 at night. What's wrong with the baby?

Nothing. She's crying a little.

Oh, my God.

You know what this means? What?

I can only imagine.

How do I look?

You look fine. Why?

I don't want to look too fine. You know, you wake up a doctor in the middle of

the night, you want to look a little bedraggled and disheveled. You look

bedraggled and disheveled.

Ah, you're just saying that.

Get up. Why? We're going to the kids. Why?

Because we have to. Okay.

Get off the phone.

What are you doing?

I got mom all upset.

What now?

I'm going to my parents.

One baby cries and the whole world gets woken up? My mother will die of worry.

She will go back to sleep.

Not after hearing news like this. News like what? She can only imagine.

on East 67th Street, please?

Remember all the other times in my life I said I was tired? Yeah. I was a big

sissy.

You know, some nannies will actually go with you in the middle of the night to

the doctor so one of the parents could get some sleep.

Would you really rather be sleeping?

Yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Really?

No.

Hey, look at that.

Hey, she stopped crying.

Good sweet girl.

Good sweet girl.

Sweet girl.

Paul? Jamie?

Are you here? It's us.

Your parents.

Murray. Murray.

Where did they go?

Tell us, boy.

Tell us where they went.

Thank you very much.

What are they doing?

Going to find out where they went.

Deb. Who?

Hello. Joan.

Mom? I'm not ready for you to call me that.

Mom?

They went to the doctors. I knew it. But it's nothing.

Oh, my God. The baby's crying a little, and they're just overreacting. In this

family, we do not overreact.

Okay. Where's the doctor?

Sylvia, I really don't... Where's their doctor?

Okay.

Mom? Dad?

Dad, hello?

Oh, boy.

Okay.

We...

Hello. They're not here.

Mom? It's Deb.

I'm not ready for you to call her that.

Hey.

They're not here.

I know. She called. They went to the doctors.

Where's their doctor? Oh, Deb, I really don't... Where's their doctor?

Look at how she stopped crying.

It's movement.

It's movement. When the cab was moving, she slept. When it stopped, she started

crying. Now in the elevator, it's the same thing.

So she just needs movement.

Actually, I've read about this. This is very common.

We've just got to keep her moving.

Yeah. For the rest of our lives.

Just for ten minutes or so. That's all it takes.

We're at the doctor's office now.

We don't need him anymore.

I know.

If we see him now, we'll make a horrible first impression. Yes, I know. He's a

big, famous guy. That's right. What are we going to do?

Ah!

me was not a good first impression. He'll never remember us.

Especially if you send the nanny tomorrow.

What nanny?

Uh -huh.

Hey, look at that.

It's just a miracle. It really is.

All right, so you know what? Ten minutes here, quick cab home. I still get three

hours before the Belgians.

Oh, my God. Someone just pushed 12.

Oh, honey, if this thing stops... I know. She's going to cry.

All right, all right. Stand back.

on Columbus Avenue. What did we used to do to make the elevator skip floors?

Pauly. What?

It's for the baby.

Okay, okay. Open the panel.

Okay, I got it, got it. You should see two buttons. A red express button and a

blue local button. Got it, got it.

Push the red button.

Got it. Not the blue button. How do you push the blue button? Pauly, whatever

you do, do not push that blue button. I'm not pushing the blue button. You

very clear. Stop telling me not to push the blue button. All right, that should

do it. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Yes!

Congratulations. You're on the express from the rooftop.

You are a genius. Go back to sleep.

Yeah, right.

Hey, how cool am I? You are very cool. How long have we been in the elevator?

We have been here exactly a minute and 15 seconds.

Well, that's too bad. Why?

Because we've reached the lobby.

There's got to be a surefire way of keeping her moving. Like what?

She's sleeping?

She sure is. All right, how smart am I? You're pretty smart.

Hey, little jump.

Go home.

Two and a half hours before the bell. Okay, one problem. What's the matter?

going to pass out. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

I'm all right.

How much did we miss it by?

Nine minutes and 40 seconds.

Okay, all right, okay.

Hey, health club.

I understand. I will work out, I swear.

No, no, no, no. I got an idea.

You are a genius.

Honey. Believe me, I never would have thought of this. This is so smart of

Sweetie, but I've said it. Although, you know what? I've got to say, in the

final analysis, it's kind of funny because this is not all so different

street. Oh, man.

I've got the lungs of Sir Walter Raleigh.

Honey. What?

That wouldn't work.

Look at all the doctors.

It's a medical building.

Still.

42. Ma, wait.

Debbie? What are you doing?

Are you coming? Ma, you don't have to make yourself crazy. Oh, okay.

What do you think is wrong with the baby?

Ma, there is no right answer to that question, so I won't honor it with some

speculation that will only torment everyone.

Could be a fever.

Oh, my God.

What are we doing on the roof?

What kind of wacky doctor is this?

How much time left?

Four minutes.

We're going to make it. We are going to make it. Excuse me.

I need a treadmill, if you don't mind.

Oh, oh. You know, if you could just wait like four minutes or something, we'd

really appreciate it. Sorry.

No can do.

You can't wait four minutes? Nope. Got to go.

Got to keep this heart rate up. Very important. Heart rate.

Yeah, we've got a little baby. Also important.

Heart rate.

Baby. Heart rate.

A little baby.

Are you members?

Are you?

Um, we're, like, trial members, trialing. You know, we're trying it out.

first month free, kind of, we're, you know, just looking at those.

Meet after me.

Yes, we're members.

Want to make something of it?

Now what are we going to do?

All right, stand back.

Taxi!

Taxi!

What do you suppose happened to Al LoSalvo?

What? Well, look, year after year, Al LoSalvo signed the inspection

and suddenly, boom, we're coming in.

How did we get in the lobby? I don't like this building.

Are you Dr. Kekich?

Yes. We're the Buckmans.

I'm their daughter.

I see the crying has stopped.

Excuse me, could your kid cry louder and, like, even closer to my head?

Okay, sir.

We... I know, I know. Baby on board. Drive carefully. Go really slow. Avoid

sharp turns.

Don't hit any potholes. And there's a couple of bucks in it for me.

Blah, blah, blah.

Actually, uh, no.

What we need is... for you to just drive for 10 minutes without stopping.

Really? That's the only way she'll stay asleep.

Can you do this?

Can you keep this baby rolling for 10 minutes without stopping?

Are you our man?

Welcome to cab number KB1847.

Keanu.

Pleased to meet you.

Hey, it's working.

It sure is.

All right, so, nine more minutes in here, home, and then I still get a

little cat nap before the Belgians.

Oh, man.

What's the matter? Fire truck, dude. I've got to put it to the side.

Oh, do you really?

It's just a fire.

Actually, there is one other thing I can do. What's that?

That was very nicely done, Keanu.

I'm going to go back later and pick up my liver.

Thanks, Keanu.

No problem.

All right. Okay.

Here we go. All right. Eight minutes to go. Clear sailing?

Good. Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I'm running the dude.

I'm running him. I'm not stopping. Oh, really, many thanks. I think that's

and beyond the call of duty. Hey, you got a little munchkin back there that

needs to get some sleep. Boy, do I. I have this meeting tomorrow.

All right, how much time?

Uh, seven minutes.

Stay asleep.

Stay asleep.

Stay asleep.

All right, room 511, please.

Hello? Hey, Bruno, how you doing? This is Ira Buckman.

Listen, my partner's kid is having a really bad night, see, and because of

like, half the universe is awake, right? So I didn't know whether to call you

now and cancel the meeting or wait till you woke up and cancel the meeting,

because, you know, I know how you Belgians are about your sleep.

I thought I'd call now. I hope that's okay.

But of course. All right.

Good. You go back to sleep.

Sure. No problem.

Oh, he doesn't look very happy.

What's the matter, Officer Dude? Amazed at, like, the world in them because you

turned on your big old roof lights?

You know, Keanu, in my own life, personally, I've had very few brushes

law. How much time do you have?

Two minutes.

How much

time?

30 seconds. We may make it. I just want to say right now, okay?

Like, no matter how many millions of points this is on my license, I really

you guys.

We feel very close to you, too. You know, we've been in... End time.

Okay, Keanu, you can pull over, dude.

Can I see your license and registration?

Shh.

Boy, that was a very understanding cop.

Hey, he has kids.

I'm not brushing my teeth again.

Good night.

That is correct.

Thank you.