Original subtitles

our contest to select a homecoming queen.

Jane.

Smile.

I'm David Sanders, a Trib's campus stringer.

Why did you decide to enter the contest for the homecoming queen this year? In

your own words.

As a joke.

Wish I'd worn a bathing suit.

As a joke?

Are you sure?

That sounds frivolous to me.

It is frivolous.

But couldn't it also have something to do with Title IX?

With ERA?

With equal rights?

I suppose so.

Couldn't it simply be your humorous way of making a point about sexual

stereotyping? Aren't you really doing this to protest reverse discrimination?

No.

Well,

okay.

That's well put, John. I can use that.

I don't know, David. What does he do? Wear a dress? I hate pictures of guys in

dresses. No, no. It's nothing like that, Mr. Grant. It's perfectly legit.

Oh, yeah? He's doing this to make a point about equal rights.

If you can't discriminate on the grounds of sex, then there is no reason why a

guy can't be homecoming clean.

He's gonna win, too.

Who's taking him to the prom?

I already asked. His girlfriend.

Oh. Do you think you're interested?

If we keep on paying you by the year, she'll own this joint by next year.

All right, flesh this out with examples of other ways men have gotten into areas

that everybody used to think were just for women.

Like, uh... Phone operators.

And?

There's lots of them.

You find them. How?

Chris?

What do you need?

David here has a piece that needs some research. Show him how and where, will

you? Okay.

And you just keep placing them, don't you? Yeah, and lately they've been

me write a lot of them still.

You got it made. Your editor, your college paper, your stringer for the

When you graduate, you'll have a job waiting for you right here. Sure as

anything. Now, what about you? You got a jump on me. You're working here now.

Oh, I got a jump on you. I'm a copy boy.

Copy boys don't become reporters. Not anymore.

Why, Lou?

Why do you insist on making waves?

I mean, why do you always pick the dumbest things to get stubborn about?

What did I do?

You know perfectly well I'm talking about your physical.

Oh, that.

You got to take it. It's a rule.

I mean, once a year, everyone on the editorial staff gets a physical for

policy. I don't need a physical. I already had one, and they said I was

When was that?

In the Army.

They did 400 of us in just under half an hour. I haven't had a whole lot of

faith in them since.

You haven't had a physical since the Army?

400 naked guys. I saw a lot of ugly things in the war, but nothing as ugly

that. Lou, you have to... The answer's no.

You okay?

I'm fine. I just don't feel like getting up physically.

Excuse me, Mr. Grant. What?

Oh, sorry. What is it, Chris?

Well, maybe this isn't the time.

No, no, no. Come on. What is it?

Well, I was wondering if you could recommend a book for me to read on news

writing. What do you mean?

I mean, how to do it. You know, something that shows you step by step.

You want to be a reporter?

Well, I... Yeah.

Like David Sanders?

Right. First thing you've got to learn about news writing is you can't learn it

from a book.

A kid like Santa's been writing for years, every day, since junior high

Well, I'd be willing to write every day.

You would, huh? Yeah.

Bill? Yeah? Give me that information you got on the Lachman story.

Better hear something.

Thanks.

Here.

What's this?

It's the guts of a story a reporter phoned in this morning. Bill already

it up for the first edition.

Why don't you take a crack at it yourself, see what you can do.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, thank you, thank you. That's great, Mr. Grant. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. It's the only way to learn a right. Jump in and start doing it. Okay,

right.

That's how my father taught me to swim. He threw me right in.

I drowned.

You know my friend Len White on the New York Times?

What about him?

He's on one of the Pulitzer juries this year.

Oh, it's prize time again.

The awards season.

The Pulitzers, the press club, the advertising council.

We're not in this business to win awards. I hate the whole idea.

Now I'll tell you something that'll really depress you.

Guess who my friend says has a good chance of winning for local reporting.

Let's see.

Who would depress me by winning a Pulitzer Prize?

Rossi? Shh.

I just said he's got a good chance.

Rossi? Shh.

Yes, for his series on mental hospitals.

Well, it was good work.

Rossi? My friend shouldn't have told me, but he did.

Now the point is, what do I do?

Pray for him upset.

Why, uh, why the happy faces?

No, we just had some pretty bad news, Rossi.

Oh, yeah? How bad?

Very bad.

Awful. Geez, I'm sorry.

What? What is it? Oh, you don't want to know.

Lou.

We were just talking about the possibility of your winning a Pulitzer

year. That's a good bet.

I get nominated almost every year, just a matter of time.

No, no, Rossi, what I meant was... You're still going to tell him after

what he just said?

Maybe you're right.

Wait a minute.

Did you hear something?

Yes.

Yes, Rossi, a friend of mine who's on one of the juries said that your series

mental hospitals was the best thing he'd read in local reporting.

Is she putting me on?

Are you two setting me up? Is that it?

Make Rossi look like a jerk. Is that the plan?

It's a nice thought, Rossi.

But unfortunately, Billy's telling you the truth.

The Pulitzer Prize?

How about that?

I'd say that calls for a little celebrating around here. Hey, bartender.

Do you believe this Rossi is actually going to buy?

Give me a beer.

Why do you always make me feel like the school principal calling the bad boy

into her office?

Hmm?

Why haven't we had our physical examination?

Oh, that.

You and Joe Rossi are the only ones who haven't had one, yet he at least has

made an appointment to see the doctor.

Is there some reason why you're resisting it?

Yeah, I don't like physicals. None of us enjoys them particularly.

They serve a purpose.

Maybe not.

I read an article by a doctor who says people have a lot of unnecessary

checkups. Drives up the cost of medical care.

Well, that may be true, but...

Plus the fact that it takes time away from people who are really sick or hurt.

I mean, there I am, taking up a doctor's valuable time getting a physical, while

in the next room some poor guy is bleeding on the floor.

Why do I get the impression you're not telling me the real reason?

Yeah, I am.

Then your reason is for the birds.

I don't want a physical.

Are you afraid that something is the matter with you?

No, I... I don't know.

I haven't felt real well for a while. I'm always tired.

Even in the morning.

It's probably just age catching up with me, but... But you don't want to know

for sure.

You're darn right I don't.

Mr. Grant, you know better than that.

It's very important you see a doctor so you can find out why you feel the way

you do.

If you like, I'll go with you.

Hold your hand.

Afterwards, I'll buy you some ice cream.

I'm not getting a physical.

I do not care to go through this again.

Okay.

I'll go.

When are you free?

When am I free?

Yeah. You did say you'd buy me ice cream, didn't you?

Lou Grant will continue in a moment here on A &E.

You're not the last holdout, you know.

One of your colleagues, Mr. Rossi, is due later this afternoon.

Yeah.

I heard.

It's all right. Your weight isn't bad. You look pretty trim.

Lost 20 pounds this year.

Yeah, I'd like to drop some weight.

But the way my wife cooks... Too good, huh?

Awful. We eat out all the time, and you sure can't lose any weight that way.

How do you feel, generally?

Fine.

Aren't you going to tell me I'm in terrific shape for a guy 50 years old?

Good Lord, is that all you are?

I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.

No complaints?

Oh, yeah. Well, sometimes I feel a little tired.

But who doesn't?

What kind of tired?

You know, no pep, no energy.

I probably just work too hard.

When do you feel that way?

You mean at the end of the day?

Right. That's all.

Never any other time?

Oh, yeah.

I guess sometimes.

In the morning?

Sometimes.

Ever feel that way after a good night's sleep?

Once in a while.

What are you doing?

Oh, just feeling a thyroid.

Feels like there's a little nodule on the right side there.

Nodule? Mm -hmm. I can't be sure just by feeling.

What I'd like you to do is have a scan.

What does that mean, have a scan?

Oh, there's nothing to it. You lie on a table and they pass the machine back and

forth across your throat.

I'll arrange it for tomorrow and I'll have you drink a little iodine solution

before you leave today.

You're going to have me drink iodine?

Well, just a drop or so in solution is perfectly safe.

Sure, sure.

And a little skull and crossbones on the bottle?

Oh, this won't be household iodine. This is radioactive.

Why don't you say so?

Would you mind getting back on the scale? I forgot to check your height.

You see, the thyroid is hungry for iodine. And normally it gets it from the

in our food, especially seafood.

And you also drink up the radioactive iodine. And by tomorrow, you'll be able

get a perfect picture of your thyroid, suitable for framing.

Wait a minute.

I'm taller than that. You must have pressed down too hard on my head.

It's normal to settle slightly as we get older.

Oh, that's terrific. You know that?

I've got a nodule.

I've got a drink iodine, and I'm shrinking.

This is more fun than Christmas.

I hate to add to all that, but would you mind resting your elbows on the table

here for a moment?

Oh, I hate this part worst of all.

I'm not crazy about it myself.

You say Joe Rossi is coming by later?

Well, that's right. Why?

Well, when you get to this part, at exactly this moment,

do me a favor.

Say, oh, by the way, Lou Grant says hello.

Not good, right?

Right.

Well, I used the five W's in the lead, who, what, when, where, and why.

I wasn't sure about how it doesn't start with a W.

You got a hold of the book, didn't you? I told you to stay away from books. What

did this one say?

It said the first sentence of a news story should give all the information,

mine does. The lead should also grab the reader's attention.

Yours doesn't.

George F. Lockman shot Richard G. Porter in the head.

with a .38 caliber revolver on the corner of Tweezer and La Cienega at 4

.m. on February 19, 1978, because of an argument.

It's hard to make murder dull, Chris, but you managed to do it.

Yeah, I see to me.

The writing on Lee should be more than reciting all the facts.

It should involve the reader, make him want more.

You know, David, I string at L .A .U.

David filed this covering an awards presentation at L .A .U. Pretty dull

right? Right.

Listen to the lead.

A scholarship named in honor of a young soldier killed on Guadalcanal was won by

the daughter of a Japanese pilot at L .A .U.'s 49th annual awards dinner

Thursday night.

Want to know more?

Yeah. That's why this is a good lead.

Good news writing is more than the five W's.

Hey, don't look as though I just kicked you. You wanted to learn.

Well, does this mean you won't read anything else I write?

Of course not.

Bill? Yeah?

You got anything good?

How about the harbor explosion?

Fine.

Here's another one for you to try.

Same idea.

Only this time, grab me with that lead.

Okay, okay. Thanks, Mr. Craig. The only way to learn is keep trying.

Okay, right.

Thanks a lot.

Now we're going to be getting lousy writing from all the copy boys for the

five years.

I got to go in and have my thyroid scanned this afternoon.

You found a lump in it.

Well, we can't have somebody working here with a lumpy thyroid.

That bad?

I don't know.

I was fine until I found out I had it.

It's a thought that bothers you.

I know.

I don't even like lumps in my oatmeal.

But I wouldn't worry about it.

You wouldn't, huh? No, the human body is prone to knots and bumps.

I mean, we get more and more like trees as we get older.

God, what if it's Dutch elm disease?

Tests. They only do stuff like that to cover themselves.

I mean, doctors have to make a lot of extra tests nowadays, see, to protect

against malpractice suits. It means nothing.

Sure. Yeah.

Hmm, banker's hours?

I, uh, have an appointment.

Yeah, I know. I heard.

Well, if you think it's right to spend the afternoon posing for centerfolds for

today's health while the rest of us have to work.

I really don't want to do this.

Hey, relax.

Doctors all insist on making a lot of tests these days. It's just... I know.

protect themselves.

Hey, Luke, can I talk to you? I gotta go out. Great, I'll go with you. We can

talk.

Definitely not my week.

I don't want this to sound like an ego trip, but I've got this terrific idea

an article.

I know it's a little premature, but what a great angle.

The first -person viewpoint on how it feels to win the Pulitzer Prize.

I love it.

It's not just because it's about me. In this case, all right, it happens to be

about me, but I'd feel the same if someone else won it.

It's something I, as a reader, would like to know. Calling Dr. Newman,

What are we doing here?

Going to have a thyroid scan.

Oh.

You all right?

I guess that's what I'm here to find out.

I guess you want me out of your way.

Rossi?

You want to talk some more about that Pulitzer story?

The scan shouldn't take more than an hour.

I'll be right here.

Grant, it's been 24 hours since you drank that iodine. We should be able to

a nice picture of your thyroid.

How about a couple of wallet size for my daughters?

No, they're not those kind of pictures.

I didn't mean... Just be comfortable.

If you have to swallow, try and do it when the scan is at one end or the other

and not right over your throat.

Dr. Chaney, please go to emergency.

Am I doing this right?

Please, talking makes the throat move.

What does it show?

Send it over to your doctor and he can discuss it with you. Yeah, but you could

tell him right now what it shows. Why don't you tell him?

You're not supposed to have that kind of discussion with the patient.

We just do the testing and send the findings over to the referring

Come on, come on. Stop acting like a robot.

I don't need any detail. I'm sure your doctor will tell you whatever you want

know.

Listen, doctor, why won't you tell me on the phone?

I mean, right now, on the phone.

Of course I can come to your office, but I resent being treated this way.

Because this is high -handed. That's why. It's my body, and I have a right

Well, if it were good news, you'd sure as hell tell me on the phone. So, in

effect, you've already told me, haven't you?

Lou Grant will continue in a moment here on A &E.

Oh, Mr. Grant. Doctor, before you say anything, I just want to apologize for

way I acted on the phone.

I understand completely.

Please sit down.

It's really not as bad as all that, you know. You mean the lump wasn't...

No, it probably is.

Malignant? Yes.

But before you get frightened by that word, let me explain that thyroid cancer

is one of the most manageable forms.

It's very slow to spread.

Very slow is the rule, and surgical removal of the thyroid usually stops it.

In other words, if you had to get it, you couldn't have chosen a better place.

Yeah, I can.

Somebody else's throat.

That's a lousy thing for me to say.

Surgical removal?

It's the wisest thing to do. It's quite a common operation.

What am I going to do without a thyroid?

What does it do, anyway?

It regulates your metabolism.

And you'll get along without it just fine by taking a thyroid tablet every

morning. This will tell you all about the thyroid gland, more than you

want to know.

Right now, I think you should select a surgeon.

I should?

Why not? I can give you the names of two excellent men who do a lot of thyroids.

Pick one.

How? Trial and error?

Well, talk to them if you like.

Come on. What can I tell about a surgeon from talking?

What should I do?

Have him invite me to dinner and see how he cars the roast?

They're both excellent carvers. I just thought you might prefer to make the

choice.

What are their names?

Dr. Carp and Dr.

Brickman.

Brickman?

Brickman?

When I was a kid, my family had a doctor named Brickman.

I'll take Carp.

Hey, Lou.

What did the doctor say?

I have to have my thyroid removed.

When? Soon, soon as possible.

Oh, sorry.

Me too.

I'm not psychologically prepared to start having my organs removed.

Well, nobody ever is. I'm only 50 years old. Man, in terrific shape for a guy

your age.

Hey, Lou, what the... That thyroid, that's somewhere in here, isn't it?

The thyroid is a slippery, pink, bow -tie -shaped gland that straddles the

windpipe. Well, then you're better off. Who the hell wants something like that

in their throat?

Anything? No.

No good.

Now, hold it.

Sorry, Chris. My mind was on something else.

Let me explain what's wrong with this.

You see, your lead has nothing to do with the rest of the item.

This reminds me of the opening sentence in one of Max Schulman's novels, Sleep

Till Noon, I think it was.

The sentence read, bang, bang, bang, bang. Four shots ripped into my groin,

I was off on the biggest adventure of my life.

You know what the second sentence was?

But first, let me tell you a little about myself.

And he didn't get back to those shots for the next hundred pages.

Well, that's silly.

Sure, he meant it to be silly.

And that's what mine is like.

A little.

You gotta do two things, Chris.

You've got to grab their attention and still tell them what the story's going

be about. Two things.

Hey, that's a fact.

Bill?

You're going to keep at this till you get it right.

The guy got arrested in an Indiana coffee shop for wearing his underpants

head. I don't think he was arrested for wearing them on his head, but for not

wearing them somewhere else.

No, he was fully dressed.

He just had his underpants on his head.

I can see grounds for arrest if they were someone else's underpants.

No, no, they were his own underpants.

Did the judge find him guilty?

Strange as it seems, Indiana has no law against wearing your underpants on your

head. Exciting as that is, it just doesn't sound like front page stuff.

Well, the Association of Certified Public Accountants has named its man of

year. King of the bookkeepers.

That's not too newsworthy.

Here he is, the best man in his profession, and I'll never make the

Maybe he should try wearing his underpants on his head.

What do you think, Lou?

Lou, what do you think?

I like it.

You like what?

The story about the king.

Are we, uh, finishing?

Yep.

Hey, Boo.

Hmm? My wife said her cousin had the thyroid operation.

There's nothing to it. Oh, that's good to hear.

Oh, yeah. Since I heard about yours, I've run into two other people who've

it, and their post is fine.

Terrific. I understand it's quite common, Boo.

Don't say that. You'll take all the fun out of it.

Because I'm sure we were the head of the faculty room, Professor.

Thank you for calling.

That was the head of the language department at LAU.

Yeah? He thinks we're a riot. Called to tell us how much they all enjoyed the

joke in our story on student awards.

Butchart, what are you talking about?

Well, it seems that that kid, David Sanders, slipped one by us.

See the last award?

Down at the bottom of the list, very tiny print.

Yeah, it's in Latin. You bet it's in Latin. Very elegant Latin, apparently.

very inelegant sexual act.

Lou Grant will continue in a moment.

Here on A &E.

You've been there.

It's late. You've got a headache and can't sleep.

Look, I didn't mean any harm.

It's a long, boring list of fine print that nobody reads.

In a way, I guess I was testing to see if anybody does read all the way down.

It was just a joke.

A joke?

That's all.

Did you get a good laugh?

You better have.

I'm afraid you've blown it as far as working at this newspaper is concerned.

Oh, now, hey, come on, Mr. Grant.

Do you think that's a little harsh?

Yeah, well, for a joke.

A newspaper has to have the absolute confidence of the public. People have

to be able to believe every word they read. When you mess with that, you

undermine the whole foundation.

I'm sorry.

So am I.

You're sorry, but I'm finished.

Mr. Grant, journalism is all that I ever wanted to do. You know that.

Just like that, it's over?

Don't say that.

Well, it's true.

Don't ever say that.

You're only 21 years old. Young enough to learn from a dumb mistake.

And where do I go?

Lots of places.

I don't plan to broadcast to the world what you did, but you can't do that and

work here.

You had a chance to start way out in front, and now you're back in the pack

the rest.

You understand?

Yes, sir.

Good luck.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mr. Ryan, I came down to ask about your surgery.

I'm going tonight. They do it tomorrow.

I see.

Yeah. The doctor says I'll be back in a week, ten days.

Donovan will cover for me.

Speaking of Donovan, here's a terrific idea for a feature, something Billy

handle. How are you feeling?

Are you nervous?

Sure.

Sure.

Some guy I don't know is going to cut open my throat.

I find it hard to get that out of my mind.

Anyhow, this feature would be a terrific follow -up to that series we did on...

Mr. Grant.

If you will do me the courtesy of listening, I promise I'll spare you the

burden of sympathy.

I came down here because I have something I want to tell you.

It's so frustrating.

Having as much power as I'm supposed to have.

And finding myself powerless to do anything about things that really

Yeah.

It's not a particularly original thought, but it gets me to what I wanted

say. Which is simply, anything this paper

has or can do is yours.

If you need it.

And...

That is all I wanted to say.

This really isn't necessary. I want to do it. The man shouldn't have to drive

himself to the hospital.

Maybe I should drive myself.

Take my mind off things.

The way animal drives will take your mind off things.

Let's see.

Shirts.

Socks.

Underwear. Lou.

Why are you taking clothes to the hospital?

Well, I'm not going to wear them.

He's right, Lou.

I'll use these.

That goes for shoes, too.

Well, I'll need some books and stuff to read. What about your radio?

Great. Uh, you know, I had surgery once. They put you in intensive care. You

can't use a radio in there.

Huh? As a matter of fact, after major surgery, you probably won't feel much

reading either.

I'll bring that later when I bring the radio.

What about pajamas?

I'll give you a gown. Gown? Just for surgery. After that, you can wear

Take pajamas.

Take pajamas.

What else?

How about a toothbrush?

I should do it.

Let's put these in a paper bag.

All set? Yeah.

You're only going to be gone a week.

Right.

Right.

Listen, Billy. Yeah?

I have a spare house key. I keep it in this envelope with everything, you know.

Got it.

I don't mean to dump all this on you, but I don't have anybody in Los Angeles.

You've got a lot of people in Los Angeles.

Blue Grant will continue in a moment here on A &E.

They destroy your home from within.

Wouldn't a little scotch have the same effect?

A lot of scotch might, but we want your stomach empty.

If I drank a lot of scotch right now, you'd have my stomach empty.

Good morning.

Oh, thank you. Oh, are you kidding? Hospital pays people to do that.

I came by to keep you company.

Listen, Rossi, I appreciate it, but... How many patients have a potential

Pulitzer Prize winner for a candy striker? Yeah, but I'm all doped up. I

wouldn't be much company.

So? You don't have to talk. I'm just here in case you need something.

Like what?

Who knows?

But if you want, you've got it. You don't want to talk, we don't talk.

You can just look at me.

lose three times as many points.

Okay, contestants.

Okay, I guess you're better than that game show.

Good morning. I thought you were alone.

Dr. Carr, Mr. Rossi. How do you do? Would you excuse us for a second?

Why?

Oh, sure.

There's one...

unfortunate formality we have to go through. Oh.

I apologize for this, but it's what California calls the informed consent

Now, basically, that means that I have to tell you everything that could go

wrong in surgery.

Oh, good.

Oh, I know it's the last thing you want to hear, but it is the law.

Now, these are not things that are going to happen, I assure you.

But you have to sign a form saying you've been told all the things that

happen. Such as?

No. Damage to the parathyroid glands, damage to the vocal cords, loss of

Loss of speech.

Mr. Grant, I've done this procedure a thousand times and never had that happen

yet. As I say, I hate having to go through this.

But I'm required to point out that the incision is very close to the vocal

cords. Therefore... Something could happen to them.

Right. I promise it won't. This is purely for legal purposes.

Now, would you mind just signing right over here?

Now, what you will have is a very sore throat afterwards.

This is not from the incision.

We have to put a tube down your windpipe to make sure your breathing is

uninterrupted. Good. I hate interrupted breathing.

And that makes you feel pretty sore sometimes.

There's nothing to worry about. It's normal.

Swell. Swell.

Now, I know why they dope you up.

It's not for the operation.

It's for this discussion.

Everything okay?

Yeah, terrific.

You know, my sister knows a guy who had the same thing.

No fooling. And you know what he says?

I don't care as long as he's able to say something.

He feels better now than he ever did in his life.

I keep hearing that.

Either everybody's telling me about the same guy, or what I'm having is the most

common surgery outside of circumcision.

Will you get that?

Sure.

City desk.

No, no, no, no. You did call the right place. This is Lou Grant's room. I was

just making a little.

Joe Rossi.

Oh, sure, put him on.

Charlie Hume.

Hi, Charlie Rossi.

Well, he's a little sedated now.

Listen, I'm expecting word on the Pulitzer thing. Has anything?

Okay, I see.

I see.

What?

Well, that is good news.

Oh, he'll be glad to hear that.

Thanks, John. Right.

I don't have to have the operation.

They mixed up my test with somebody else's.

No, better than that. Guess what you just won?

A Pulitzer Prize.

Are you kidding?

What did I win?

A weekend in Vegas? What?

The Southern California Press Club made a special award to the Trib for most

improved local reporting.

When a paper wins something like that, it's got to reflect on the guy in

Congratulations, Lou.

Thanks.

on a Pulitzer, huh?

Oh, yeah. I didn't win.

Well, how could you not have?

Hey, everybody can. Well, I know, Joe, but that was a hell of a series.

Great writing.

Superior writing.

You really deserved that award.

Ah, Lou.

Well, I mean it. If I'd been on that panel, I would have given you that

You would?

You're damn right.

Gee, Lou.

Hearing you say that is better than winning the award.

Really?

Well, no.

But it's really nice of you to say it.

And there'll be other years.

I have my whole life ahead of me.

We gone?

Hey, isn't that great about the trip?

Yeah, it sure is.

He must be really happy, huh?

Yeah. I won an award and I'm having my throat cut.

You ever have one of those days?

You don't need that phrase.

I'm giving that information up here.

Any work in the hospital yet?

No. Surgery should be going on right about now.

Well, I'm going to the school board meeting. I'll check in an hour in case

get any news.

Okay.

You know, Chris, this is really good.

It's surprisingly good.

That's it?

Mr. Grant is usually a little rougher on me than that.

How do you expect me to get good if you're going to go easy on me?

A reporter never learned to write from people being nice to him.

Where did you hear that?

Grant told me.

Oh. Well, he's right. I mean, you do have a long way to go.

Yeah, well, that's more like it.

What are you going to do after college?

After college?

Aren't you in college?

I've got to finish high school first.

You're still in high school?

Who is?

He is.

What are you talking about? We don't hire high school kids.

Well, I told him I was 18 when I applied for the job. I just want to be a

newspaper man, Mr. Hill.

There's a lot of that going around.

He's been rewriting some copy, Charlie. Maybe I ought to take a look at it.

Not bad.

Not bad at all. Of course, that lead isn't quite there.

I want to clean up your syntax a little.

See?

I'm calling Dr.

Taney. Dr.

Taney says there's an emergency.

Hi.

How are you?

I'd like you to say something to me.

I can't think of anything interesting to say.

That'll do fine.

It was the first thing I tried back in the recovery room.

To see if I could talk.

There was never any doubt.

I can't sing, though.

Sing? I tried.

All the top notes are gone.

I can't sing.

What did you want to sing?

I didn't want to sing anything.

I just thought you should know I can't.

Why? I don't want you to sing.

Not enough.

This is as high as my voice will go.

But the rest will come back in a few months.

Meanwhile, the operation went very well. Everything is out, except a bit of

tissue. And that can be taken care of later with radioactivity.

Or iodine.

As a matter of fact, yes.

I'm getting a taste for it. We have to leave a bit on one side when removing a

thyroid. But the rest is gone, the lump is out, and you're looking good.

I'll see you tomorrow in my morning rounds.

Oh, I almost forgot I brought you your paper.

They seem to be able to put one out without you.

Just put it on top of the one the nurse already brought.

They will come in. I was just leaving.

Well, I know.

Okay.

We brought you the paper.

How are you feeling?

I can't say.

I'm very sorry to hear that.

Can you dance?

No. Never could dance, no.

But sing?

I always thought I had a really nice singing voice.

You're still drugged, aren't you?

How are you?

It's funny.

When I came to, I automatically started worrying about the

operation.

That moment was the greatest feeling in the

world.

I guess it bothered me a lot more than I admitted.

Me too.

Enough.

I get nervous when my editors hold hands.

We just saw your doctor. He said your operation could not have gone better.

Modest, isn't he?

It's funny. We all thought we'd bring you the one thing you'd want the most.

I'm afraid you have four copies of this final edition.

Seven.

Maybe I can start a paper route on this floor.

You won't find this in them, but I thought you might enjoy reading it.

What is it?

It's your obituary.

I, uh, wrote it myself.

Just plunked myself down at the old typewriter and the words started

I gotta tell you, Lou, that's some of the best writing I've done in years.

Sorry you didn't get a chance to use it.

This is a lovely room you have here. Such a nice view.

It is lovely.

I hear on a clear day you can see the North Wing.

This place is more like a hotel than a hospital.

I just passed a candy store after pushing a food tray into a guy's room.

an ice bucket with a bottle of wine in it. Look at this menu.

Lobster bisque, souffle. I wonder if you have to be a patient to order that.

Filet mignon, chopped liver.

I must be afraid to order that here, huh?

Sorry.

The trouble with this place is it's so huge, you can't find a place to park.

I had to park in the parking lot. But for two and a half bucks, you basically

ain't got any visitors at all.

I didn't pay anything.

Where'd you park?

Let me cheat the staff spot.

You? You took my spot? That's the spot I always use.

I was a beautiful guy, wasn't I?

You certainly were.

It was a city buried by a volcanic eruption.

Archaeologists dig through the ruins of the lost city of Pompeii.

on an all -new Ancient Mysteries tonight.

Now, a veteran cop takes a rookie under his wing on Police Story, next on A &E.