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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,436 'Oh, experience has taught me everything I know. 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,150 'Erm, I'm not educated. 3 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:11,470 'I left school when I was 16. 4 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:15,269 'Had to. You can't go to school when you're married, can you?’ 5 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,031 I've been married 6 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,555 more times than you've had hot dinners. 7 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:28,678 Why? Well, because she's just one of those people 8 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,990 who just doesn't feel complete 9 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:34,118 till she's attached to somebody else, I suppose. 10 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:37,196 And, erm, till she met me... 11 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,476 (Laughs, snorts) she, erm, 12 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,995 she'd made some pretty bad choices. 13 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:45,789 - In the face, screaming at him. - Oh! Right, so... 14 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,669 OK, Gary wakes up in the morning and this girl says, "You raped me." 15 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,320 He goes, "I don't know what you're talking about." 16 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,391 - But the point is... - He's so pissed, 17 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,551 - he could have done anything. - Exactly. 18 00:00:56,640 --> 00:01:00,156 He could be accused of anything. He wouldn't know what the (Bleep)... 19 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,471 Whether he'd done it or not. I think that's a great story. 20 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:07,952 No one else does what she does - acting and exec-ing. 21 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,554 Not as effectively as she does it, anyway. 22 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:13,758 How do I, how does Ros, respond to that? 23 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,720 - She condemns it. - Does she? Why? 24 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:22,431 - She assumes he's guilty. - Why would she assume that? 25 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,911 - She's obliged to explore... - He's a student. 26 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,516 She's half in love with him, for God's sake. 27 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:35,118 The point we shouldn't forget, of course, is that Gary really has raped the girl. 28 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:39,598 - Right. - Obviously it is a quandary for her. 29 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,512 Yeah, oh, obviously, yeah. 30 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:45,150 She's got this way of looking at you when you're with her, 31 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,356 when you're acting with her. 32 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:54,160 You know, it's like you're the only other person in the world, 33 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,317 well, in the room. 34 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,193 She walked in my surgery and she had no front teeth. 35 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,237 She was like this. 36 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,880 I'd had both my front teeth knocked out. 37 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,592 And it was...love at first sight. 38 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,272 He did a really good job, too. Look. Look. 39 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,433 I used to have a big gap there. Look. 40 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,514 It's like, she's really sexy. 41 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:32,150 I know she's a lot older than me and everything, but... 42 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,076 She's really intelligent as well. 43 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,632 She's a lucky woman. 44 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,360 Her marriage is the exception to the rule. 45 00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:46,877 We've been married 15 years now, so, erm... 46 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,236 No, 16! 47 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,675 Course. Aw. 48 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,837 (Means) 49 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,997 (Gasps) 50 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:23,470 (Groaning) 51 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,437 You, erm... 52 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,311 You better go away. 53 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,990 Do you want me to suck your balls? 54 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:49,317 Later. 55 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,839 - Good night, Beth. - Good night, love. 56 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,711 - Night, darling. - (Women) Night. 57 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,679 - Going out tonight, Jerome? - Erm... 58 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,876 Got a lift, Jerome? 59 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,998 You're in the people carrier with Stephen and Brian. 60 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,436 Why not come with me? Travel in style. I can drop you off. 61 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:20,639 - Are y-you sure? - Sure I'm sure. 62 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,596 What are you lot doing tonight? 63 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,399 We're meeting in the Sound House about 10. 64 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,312 All right. 65 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,955 Anyway, the vicar's daughter comes in and she's got these huge tits. 66 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,919 The WI are there and she bends over to pour the tea 67 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,594 and the tits flop out, like this. 68 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:55,478 The vicar's wife goes, 69 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,313 "Oh...e—everybody, come along. 70 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,916 "Come to the window. There's a lovely View." 71 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,879 So all the Wls all go over and look out of the window 72 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,315 and there are two dogs shagging on the lawn. 73 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,351 - Right, I'd better be going. - Yeah. 74 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,000 - All right, then. - Take it easy. 75 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,834 - OK, don't stay out too late. - No. 76 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,230 Don't shag anybody I wouldn't shag! 77 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,798 He is such a pretty boy. 78 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,873 - Hung like a donkey, apparently. - (Laughs) 79 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,474 Do you fancy a kebab, Ernie? I do. 80 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,559 Night, Ernie. Love to Janice. 81 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,232 James? 82 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,957 James? 83 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:50,477 I hope I'm going to find you stark bollock naked somewhere 84 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:55,589 with a huge, huge, h... 85 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,115 What's the matter? 86 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,317 - Beth... - Is it my mother? 87 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,869 - No. - What, then? 88 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:11,751 Oh, God. 89 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,351 James? 90 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,995 - Shit. - Excuse me? 91 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,314 There isn't an easy way to tell you this... 92 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:22,799 - You're ill? - No. 93 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,678 - I'm ill? 94 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:27,593 Oh, I think you'll just have to spit it out, love. 95 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,796 What, you owe money? 96 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:35,315 We're bankrupt? You've remortgaged the house and spent all the money? 97 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,960 James, honestly, it doesn't matter. 98 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:42,716 - Nothing's so bad that we can't fix it. - I've been having a... 99 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,791 a relationship 100 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,997 w-with one of my patients. 101 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,755 And the press, this journalist, has got hold of it, 102 00:08:55,840 --> 00:09:00,277 and i-it's going to be spread all over the News of the whatever tomorrow. 103 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,237 And you're gonna find out, so... 104 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:06,473 - A relationship? - And the...the thing is... 105 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,359 The thing is, she...this, erm... 106 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,311 My... Sh-she's had a... 107 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,437 baby...and, erm... 108 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,750 Sh-She's... It's not...? 109 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,639 It... It is. I-It's mine, so... 110 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,633 - And, erm... - A baby? 111 00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:29,031 And now it's happened, now it's out and now you know. 112 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:33,876 Oh, and th-the thing is, I'm going to go 113 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,997 and, erm... 114 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,353 live with h-her and... and the, erm... 115 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,157 erm, baby. 116 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,278 - Are you? - I know, I realise... 117 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,317 - When...? - ..it's a shock. 118 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,914 - So, 80...? - And I'm sorry. 119 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,150 I am...l am sorry. 120 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,236 When...? 121 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:02,234 I mean, when did she have...this...baby? 122 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,472 I don't want you to imagine that there hasn't been a day... 123 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:08,951 When did she have the stupid, shitting baby?! 124 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:14,630 - Just over five years ago. - You mean, months. 125 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:17,314 No. He started school last week. 126 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,351 Did he? 127 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,397 Oh, God. 128 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:29,440 - I'd, erm... I'm going to wake up in a minute. - No, Beth. 129 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,433 Do you know, I don't think... I don't think I'm here. 130 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,990 - Wh-Where's Jessica? - She's, erm... 131 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,037 - I don't know. Does she know? - No. 132 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,555 - I bet she does! - No. 133 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,637 Five years? 134 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,919 - You shit pot! - Ooh! Beth! 135 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,557 You 0...! 136 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,357 Five years? 137 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,757 Five years. 138 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,315 Beth. Beth. 139 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,078 N-No, Beth, not that. It's Hans... 140 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,117 Clayburn! 141 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,560 - No. Now, look, that's... - What does she look like? 142 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:24,510 - That's not. Look, let's not... - She cannot be better in bed than me! 143 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,719 - That's not something we should get into. - How old is she? 144 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,269 - How old is she? - That isn't any... 145 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,510 How old is she?! 146 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:44,036 Right. Good. Fine. 147 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,077 OK, that's it. 148 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,117 Get out. 149 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,320 Will you... Will you be all right? 150 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,835 What a stupid question. 151 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,076 Leave the car keys! 152 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,910 It is, erm, 153 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,595 Iegally...officially r-registered in my name. 154 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:15,080 - Paid for by my company. - O-Of which I'm a director. 155 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:19,472 I think you'll find that only dentists who remain happily married 156 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:24,031 to international superstars can afford to drive Aston Martins. 157 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,311 (Chatter, music) 158 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,757 (Woman moaning) 159 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,597 (Woman) Beth? 160 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,798 (Beth mumbles) 161 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,837 Beth? 162 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,311 - Beth. - Oh, God! 163 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,994 Ernie's going to be here in five minutes. 164 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,832 Oh, God! 165 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,877 Beth. 166 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,513 - He's left me. - I know. 167 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,871 - He's buggered off. - You told me. 168 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,759 - Did I? - I'm so sorry. 169 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,993 - You knew. - I didn't. 170 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,037 If I'd known, I'd have told you. 171 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:55,950 - Do you want me to leave? - You leave? God, no. Why? 172 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,953 - I'm his niece. - No, this is your home. 173 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,077 Don't be silly. 174 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,830 - Why don't I ring in and tell them you're ill? - No. 175 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,877 That does not happen. 176 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,397 Oh, shit! 177 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,671 How can he do this to me? 178 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,516 - Nothing? - Nothing. 179 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,877 - Nothing. - Nothing? 180 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,917 Apparently. 181 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,070 - Late night? - Oh, yeah. 182 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:00,354 (Sighs) I think you might have to whip out the haemorrhoid cream, darling. 183 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,398 - Oh, God, I'm old. - No, you're not. 184 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:08,715 - You needn't be. - Oh, no, I've been there. 185 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,633 - Done that once. Had the injections. - When? 186 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,871 Oh, I can't remember. A few hundred years ago. 187 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,112 Maybe there comes a time when you've gotta do it again. 188 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,989 - I hate all that, needles. - Beth, you're a Taurus, aren't you? 189 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,912 That's me, kid. 190 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,196 - "Mars is rising..." - Ooh! 191 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:30,193 "Resist the urge to jump on the bandwagon. 192 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,592 "Find the strength to sympathise with those others have condemned." 193 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:36,671 - That's more like Ros. - What is? 194 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:40,310 In the show. Ros has jumped on the bandwagon, condemning Gary. 195 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,711 - I know. And it's so wrong. - I think it's wrong. 196 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,509 - To be honest, I wasn't convinced either. - Ros wouldn't do that. 197 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,991 - No. - She'd believe Gary. She'd sympathise. 198 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,277 She'd get him off the hook, even if he had raped Lauren. 199 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,556 And then - do you know what I think? 200 00:15:56,640 --> 00:16:01,953 - She should shag him. - Well, that was my gut instinct all along. 201 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,554 - With respect... - Jane, darling, look... 202 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:07,314 The storylines were agreed. You were there. 203 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,233 Come on! Only because that bloody lesbian, Annie, 204 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:14,075 was running rings around everybody with her PC bollocks. 205 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:19,439 Jane, Janie, Jane, people want Ros and Gary to get together. 206 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,195 Five series. They've been waiting for five series. 207 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,794 Beth, with respect, Gary is 22, 208 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,269 Ros is 50...odd, nearly. 209 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,350 - So? - So there's an age gap 210 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,159 of over 30 years between them. 211 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:38,791 You couldn't smell a good story if it crawled on your face and puked up your nostril. 212 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,110 - Why would a boy...? - No, I'm sorry! 213 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,430 I am sick and tired of these double standards! 214 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,080 Why is it that no one bats an eyelid 215 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,039 when some fat, old, bald 60-year-old man 216 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,714 is shagging some skinny 12-year-old bimbo? 217 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,996 But when you turn it round the other way, 218 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,356 it becomes something horrific! 219 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,353 What if Ros gets him off the hook? 220 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,594 She says to him, "If I get you off the hook, you must do anything I ask. 221 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,637 "One thing, you have to do for me. 222 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:13,360 "If it's within you power, you must do it." 223 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,193 - And? - And that one thing is... 224 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:19,357 she wants him to make love to her. 225 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:28,831 - Why? - Because she's always fancied him. 226 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:33,312 And because she's not feeling particularly attractive just now. 227 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,119 Ros isn't as young as she was. She's on her own. 228 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:40,319 And forcing some hapless 22-year old rapist to shag her makes her feel better? 229 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,711 - We should embrace complexities. - It's illegal. 230 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:48,112 She his lecturer. She's his pastoral supervisor. She just wouldn't do it! 231 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,838 It just gets better and better. 232 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:03,031 OK, change of plan. We're going to be shooting scenes 6-12, 6-17 and 6-32. 233 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,509 - (Woman) Why? - They're rewriting the script. 234 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,955 - They're changing the end. - How come, Karen? 235 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:12,511 Erm, Ros is going to get Gary off the hook and then she'll shag him, apparently. 236 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,716 OK, come on, guys! 237 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,035 (Man) One on the left. 238 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,951 And one right up your nose. 239 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,872 (Means) 240 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,917 There. 241 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,830 You've got nice hands, haven't you? 242 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,594 What do you inject them with - embalming fluid? 243 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,839 Have you ever thought about something more permanent? 244 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,230 What, like concrete? 245 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,311 No. Surgery. 246 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,074 - Will it make me look 17? - Well... 247 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:02,074 - Why would I want to look 17, anyway? - Oh, some women would. 248 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,755 Some women are nuts if they think you can make them look 17. 249 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:09,470 No, I like the idea that some of me face looks like it's still alive. 250 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,074 How does your husband feel about it? 251 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,997 Oh, he's all for it. 252 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,351 Yeah. 253 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,517 (Bleep) 254 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,076 (Creaking) 255 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,199 (Doorbell) 256 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,194 (Child) Who is it, Mummy? 257 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,191 Can I see him, please? 258 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:00,237 He's in the garden. 259 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,277 Thank you. 260 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:09,639 I'd understand if she was younger and more attractive than me, but she isn't. 261 00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,553 Well, she is younger. She's 45. 262 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:14,756 Well, she looks older. 263 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,557 Well... 264 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,957 Anyway... 265 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,996 I want you to come home. 266 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,832 No. 267 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,799 You can't want to live in a semi in Ashford. 268 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,794 Nobody knows you've left - I haven't told anyone. Neither has Jessica. 269 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:39,113 What about St Lucia? It's all booked, it's all paid for. 270 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,635 I've been looking forward to it for months. 271 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,270 We could still go. 272 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:52,756 You'll cope. 273 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:57,393 Yeah. I'll cope. 274 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,030 Course I'II cope. I always cope. 275 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:04,236 Have to, don't I? 276 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,997 (Knock on door) 277 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:23,315 - Ready for your sex scene, Beth, love? - Aren't I always? 278 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,876 - Mm? - Oh, yeah. Thanks. 279 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,713 - (Assistant) Flashing. - (Camera whirrs) 280 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,879 Have you ever seen Don't Look Now? 281 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,952 - That one with... - Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie. 282 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,680 - Mm. - Big sex scene 283 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:59,789 and it's rumoured that they actually did do it. 284 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,919 - Yeah? - That's what they say. 285 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,992 - What, on set? - So they say. 286 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,157 What? 287 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,996 - What? - Nothing. 288 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,637 What? 289 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,230 No, you wouldn't dare. 290 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,151 Why wouldn't I? I would if you would. 291 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,917 342. Take 1. 292 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,956 And action. 293 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,557 (Sighs) 294 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,917 Oh. 295 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:38,637 (Meaning) 296 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,677 (G roans) 297 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,914 - (Man) And cut. Wonderful. - Oh. 298 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:54,720 (Knocking) 299 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,436 Come in. 300 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,637 No, don't. No, don't. 301 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,075 (Beth) Hold on. Hold on. 302 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,276 (Gasping, laughing) 303 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,955 - Night, Ernie. - Night, doll. 304 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,557 (Groaning) 305 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,271 Come back to my place. 306 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,076 Where? What about your James? 307 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,117 Who? 308 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,679 (Muffled moans) 309 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,037 (Panting) 310 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,717 (Fawlty on TV) 'You vicious bastard! Come on! 311 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,312 'Oh, my God...’ 312 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,950 (TV stops, knocking on door) 313 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,317 (Muffled groans) 314 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,357 (Panting) 315 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,758 Fancy three weeks in St Lucia when we finish filming? 316 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,992 - Five star hotel. Club Class flights. - You serious? 317 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,037 Yeah. 318 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,676 Hang on a minute! What about...? 319 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,437 Are you not going with your James? 320 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,636 - (Knocking on door) - (Jessica) Beth. 321 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,715 - Beth? - What does she want? 322 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,076 Oh, Jess, hang on a minute, babe! 323 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,594 There's some police downstairs. 324 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,437 Beth Craddock? 325 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:15,830 Yes. 326 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,514 Is your husband James Daniel Dunbar? 327 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,434 Yes. 328 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:23,477 (Woman) Perhaps you should sit down. 329 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,598 - There's been an accident. - Oh, God, no. 330 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:34,876 A road traffic accident. 331 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,989 You're gonna have to be very brave, love. 332 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,038 He was pronounced dead at 23 minutes past nine. 333 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,635 - Here y'are. - Thanks. 334 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,836 Are you going to tell her? 335 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:00,309 I'll tell everyone who needs to know. 336 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:02,792 I, erm... 337 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:06,191 - I didn't realise any of this. - No, well... 338 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:10,399 - No reason why you should have. - Beth didn't want anyone to know at work. 339 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:15,472 God knows why. They'd all find out one way or the other, wouldn't they? 340 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,393 - I do think you should let that woman know. - Do you? 341 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,437 - I know... - Why the hell should I? 342 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:24,275 I mean, why the bloody, sodding hell should I? 343 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,830 It's up to you. 344 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:33,072 I can understand why you wouldn't want to. 345 00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,832 She could always stand at the back, I suppose. 346 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:43,517 We have entrusted our brother James to God's merciful keeping. 347 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,558 We now commit his body to the ground. 348 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:50,474 Eaflh to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, 349 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:56,111 in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life 350 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,350 through our Lord Jesus Christ. 351 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:12,555 I really did love him, you know. 352 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,791 I know you did. 353 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:41,116 (Jessica) Spike swallowed something but the vet said he'd be OK. 354 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:46,195 Jane met with the network - they've said yes, yes, yes to a sixth series. 355 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,238 - Great. - They do have to wait for viewing figures. 356 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:53,518 And somebody from the Beeb to ask if you'd go on Woman's Hour. 357 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,558 - They're doing an item about bereavement. - Great. 358 00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,154 - We've got some news for you. - What's that? 359 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,390 We're gonna get married. 360 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,437 Will he be faithful to you? 361 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,909 Ah! That's the big one, isn't it? 362 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:13,917 Will I be faithful to him? 363 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,834 You know he's had everyone on the crew, don't you? Including Jason. 364 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:22,232 - Yeah, according to Jason. - I wouldn't be surprised. 365 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,557 Neither would I. 366 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:30,111 And this is the man you're going to marry? Sorry, boy. 367 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:35,239 Oh, he's a man, babe, believe me. 368 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,838 Something's happened between us and... 369 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:42,877 I don't know, I just... 370 00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:45,590 I'm happy. 371 00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:47,956 And I want you to be happy for me. 372 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,917 Jess? 373 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:03,591 I'm going to make Jerome a director of the company. 374 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,319 Are you? Why? 375 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,152 Tax. 376 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:14,677 So, he'll have no artistic influence over what goes on? 377 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:20,317 Well, he might. I mean, he'll be more interested than James was. 378 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,477 What about me? 379 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,270 You? What about you? 380 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:34,632 You know I want to be more involved in the company. 381 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:39,794 - You know I want to produce. - I know but I told you, it's a tax thing. 382 00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,437 - I might move out. - Oh, Jess, don't be like that. 383 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,796 Annie's asked me to move in with her. 384 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:50,237 Annie? 385 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,757 Why Annie? 386 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:55,831 Work it out. 387 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,957 You and Annie? 388 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,352 - But she's... - What? 389 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:07,759 - Well, she's old. - She's three years younger than you are 390 00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,878 and I'm two years older than Jerome, so... 391 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:15,912 Sorry, can I get this straight? You have been wriggling around with... 392 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,560 - She likes me. - I bet she does. 393 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,711 And I like her. 394 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:30,599 - Do I look all right? - Fantastic. 395 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:34,594 - Shit. I'm shaking. - They'll be more nervous than you. 396 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,798 It'll be a novelty having a mother-in-law younger than I am. 397 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,112 - God. - Hiya. 398 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,350 - Hello! - Hello. Come in. 399 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:50,279 Everyone loves the show. People are always asking about it. 400 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:52,957 Can I top you up, Beth? 401 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:55,793 People get so excited when they know. 402 00:31:55,880 --> 00:32:00,954 They say, "Are you Jerome's mum?" and I get their life story. 403 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:04,112 - Same at work. - Everybody. 404 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,396 Look, I've got some news...for you. 405 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,233 - (Father) Have you? - Yeah. 406 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,110 Erm... 407 00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,589 me and Beth are gonna get married. 408 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,273 - Beth who? - No... Me. 409 00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,276 We've decided to get married. 410 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,077 (Knock on door) 411 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,879 - They hate me. - No, they don't. 412 00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:45,837 No, they do. 413 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,514 - So what? - She's thinking... 414 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:53,390 By the time he's 40, she'll be in her 708. 415 00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:57,394 I will be a geriatric. Doesn't that bother you? 416 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,278 He'll come to his senses. 417 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:02,990 No, it doesn't bother me for a tiny, single, split second. 418 00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:04,593 She's older than I am. 419 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:06,796 I'll be 70 420 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:09,110 and you'll be 40. 421 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:13,273 You'll have nubile 17-year-old girlie-wirlies slavering after you, 422 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:16,751 dying to get into your knickers and I'll be incontinent. 423 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:18,592 I've been there. I've done it. 424 00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:22,435 I've done it a thousand times and it bores me stupid. 425 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:24,750 I don't want them. I want you. 426 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,437 I want you. 427 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,476 (Sighs) God, I want you so much. 428 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:40,230 I am not standing 429 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:42,994 in a church or anywhere else, 430 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:45,276 - while she... - (Low banging) 431 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,717 (Panting) 432 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,753 - Wow. - You're not supposed to see that. 433 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:31,910 - What you doing? - Working out. 434 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:36,119 Why? Life's for living, not worrying about dying. That's all that is. 435 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,750 Do you think it's easy getting into a dress that size? 436 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:44,559 - Where shall I stick my gear? - In the wardrobe through there. 437 00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,710 (Coughs) 438 00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,952 Erm...Beth, baby! 439 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,190 Oh, it's the end one! 440 00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,077 It's James'. 441 00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:21,597 Oh. 442 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,273 Royal jelly? What's that for? 443 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:55,357 Oh! 444 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:57,477 It keeps you supple! 445 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,077 Does it? 446 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:09,110 What do these Smarties do? 447 00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:12,197 Gives you energy! 448 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:14,237 Oh. 449 00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:20,790 Fybogel - what's all that about? 450 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,437 Er... 451 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,636 It keeps you regular. 452 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,636 Anusease? 453 00:36:39,720 --> 00:36:42,030 - What's that for? - Oh. 454 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:44,871 No. 455 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:47,600 It's for wrinkles round your eyes! 456 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,110 What's these garlic capsules do? 457 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:57,191 Make you fan? 458 00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:03,151 No. They're just for your skin. You know, your complexion. That son of thing. 459 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,029 (Excited chatter) 460 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,111 (Cheering and whooping) 461 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:34,316 Shh! Thank you all for coming. It's very nice to see you all 462 00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:37,233 but I am not gonna make a speech because Beth is. 463 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:39,277 (Cheering) 464 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:44,270 Listen up! 465 00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,510 Hey! Whoo! 466 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,993 All my husbands, 467 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,676 bless 'em, 468 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:58,755 told me I had the best whathaveyou that there is going! 469 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,673 It must be true cos I've had that many, I can't remember. 470 00:38:02,720 --> 00:38:04,836 All shapes and sizes. 471 00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,799 But...this one, my little chucky egg, 472 00:38:09,720 --> 00:38:13,190 he's the best by along... 473 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,512 - long... - (Raucous laughter) 474 00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:22,515 ..long...way! 475 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:27,233 So who am I to begrudge my chamber of Venus to a likely lad? 476 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,474 Here's to Venus for lust 477 00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:35,039 and here's to Mars for courage. 478 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,033 - Never love in moderation. - (Guests) Hear, hear! 479 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:40,430 Yeah, that's my advice to you. 480 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:44,319 No, that's my advice to you all today. 481 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,919 So...stick that in your pipe and smoke it. 482 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:50,071 (Laughter, cheering) 483 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:59,112 If I'd known we were being invited to an orgy, I'd have stopped in Burnley. 484 00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:02,750 And what the hell was all that about her Venus flytrap? 485 00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:06,993 It won't last. You watch. 486 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,357 - How was the honeymoon? - Fantastic. 487 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,320 Great! Right, well, the news is good, on the whole. 488 00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:50,152 They've commissioned a sixth series. They're very happy. 489 00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:54,359 They're happy with the storylines, with the general feel and style of the show 490 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:58,354 and thrilled, absolutely thrilled, with your performance. 491 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:01,950 However, and it's a big one, 492 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:06,954 there's been a dip in viewing figures. Across the board, not just us. 493 00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,031 And there are one or two issues, 494 00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:12,715 well, one issue, that we need to address. 495 00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:16,797 Jerome. 496 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:19,997 Jerome? 497 00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:22,876 They want us to consider... 498 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:25,558 dropping Jerome from the show. 499 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:32,317 - Consider...? - Dropping Jerome from the show. 500 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,516 - Yeah. - But why? 501 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,114 That's ridiculous. He's incredibly popular. 502 00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:40,352 - Yep, the thing is... - He's the reason people watch the show. 503 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:43,910 - No, you are. - Well, yeah. Me and him. 504 00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:45,957 No. You are. 505 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,520 They had some research done, some figures, 506 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:54,480 showing that his popularity isn't what it was. 507 00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,880 What if we say no to the network? 508 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,076 You know the score as well as I do. 509 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,471 - What if I refuse to do a sixth series? - Well, that's... 510 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:10,757 That would be unfotunate...for all of us. 511 00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:18,716 But people love him. 512 00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:21,473 Why? 513 00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:25,952 Interesting that your popularity has gone up over the same period. 514 00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:30,989 Maybe people admire a mature woman who can pull a 22-year-old boy 515 00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:35,278 but not a 22-year-old boy who sleeps with someone older than his mother. 516 00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,510 Maybe they don't trust his motives 517 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,637 or maybe they think he's just a bit... 518 00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,033 sad. 519 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:43,713 Who knows? 520 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:50,750 (Whispers) Shit. 521 00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,629 Sorry... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. 522 00:41:54,720 --> 00:41:56,631 - Is that what people think? - No. 523 00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:58,472 - Is that what they say? - No! 524 00:41:58,560 --> 00:41:59,630 Who said it, then? 525 00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:04,191 Some people at the network hinted that might be the... Possibly. (Coughs) 526 00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:08,790 If I do a sixth series, I want blood, do you understand me? 527 00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,269 I want 40k an ep, minimum. 528 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,317 (Chatter) 529 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:18,876 Series six, eh? 530 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,519 - Do you know what, though? - What? 531 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:30,830 I don't think you should do it. 532 00:42:32,720 --> 00:42:37,237 - What you on about? - It's not in my interest to say this, but... 533 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,994 You must know this. You're treading water. 534 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:44,000 - Am I? - I think you're bored. 535 00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:46,276 Bored. Bored out your tree. 536 00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:52,393 Last series... Yeah, sometimes. 537 00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,475 And when it gets to that stage, 538 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:58,154 you're not doing the show any favours 539 00:42:58,240 --> 00:43:01,312 and certainly not doing yourself any, either. 540 00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,789 Did it show on screen? 541 00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:07,072 Sometimes. 542 00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:12,473 Nobody out there noticed. I don't think anybody else on the production noticed. 543 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:14,995 But now that I know you like I do, 544 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,037 I think I could see it in your eyes. 545 00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:21,597 - I'm sorry. 546 00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:23,717 I don't want to influence you either way. 547 00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,871 No. God, I want you to. 548 00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,598 It's just that... 549 00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:34,514 I don't want you to get to the stage where you can't move on. 550 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:36,557 Cos that happens. 551 00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:38,756 And it ain't good. 552 00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:45,269 - I can't abandon the show. Jane'd kill me. - Jane's a professional. 553 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,715 She knows the score. She'd be happy for you. 554 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,792 Honestly! She thinks the world of you. 555 00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,838 A few years' time, she'll show off about having known you. 556 00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:56,275 "I gave him his big break." 557 00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:02,437 But it's got to be your decision, though, Jerome. 558 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:12,714 - (Whistles) - Hiya. 559 00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,871 How'd you get on? 560 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,554 - Fine. - Did they offer you the pan? 561 00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:19,472 No, they said they'd be in touch. 562 00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,074 - Did you read well? - Perfectly. 563 00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:24,117 Fantastic. 564 00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:29,909 What d'you think you're doing? 565 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,436 (Singing quietly) 566 00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,630 - Jerome. - Hiya. 567 00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:03,031 A few bits and pieces I never collected. Beth said it was OK. 568 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:06,272 - Yeah, course. - How's things? 569 00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:09,671 - Well, I just did another audition. - Any good? 570 00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:11,751 Who knows? 571 00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:16,076 - You've got a great attitude. - Have I? 572 00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:19,391 A lot of people find it hard not to take these things personally. 573 00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,756 - They shouldn't... - Take what personally? 574 00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:24,673 ..but they do. What happened. 575 00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:28,196 It's so good to come across someone who gets on with their life. 576 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:30,032 I really admire you for that. 577 00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:33,152 What did happen? 578 00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:35,993 You're making it sound like I got kicked offt'show. 579 00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,477 What? 580 00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:45,872 What? 581 00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:50,430 - Thanks, Ernie. Love to Janice. - I will. 582 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,277 Night. 583 00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:58,397 (Loud music) 584 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,998 (Music stops) 585 00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:25,917 What's going on? 586 00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,389 I were listening to that. 587 00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,758 - Jerome? - I said I were listening to that! 588 00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:39,517 (Music on) 589 00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,357 Jessica came. 590 00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:54,072 - And...? - She told me stuff about t'show. 591 00:46:55,800 --> 00:46:58,713 - What stuff? - About me being axed. 592 00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:03,159 Right, OK, Jerome... 593 00:47:03,240 --> 00:47:06,756 Watch my lips. You were not axed from the show. 594 00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:10,151 - I was gonna be. - Yes. But you resigned first. 595 00:47:10,240 --> 00:47:13,676 - Why didn't you tell me? - I wanted to protect your feelings. 596 00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:17,437 What am I, a kid? 597 00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,517 Well, yes, actually. You're young, you're vulnerable. 598 00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:24,274 - I didn't want you to get upset. - I am not a kid! 599 00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:27,910 I make my own decisions. You don't make 'em for me. 600 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:31,755 You need to calm down. You need to sit down and we'll talk... 601 00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:35,390 If you treat me like a kid, I'II act like one, all right? 602 00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:38,472 - Jerome, you're drunk. - And you're old and fat! 603 00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:46,078 You're the only person I know who puts pile cream on their face as well as their arse. 604 00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,436 What, can you not tell t'difference? 605 00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:52,080 And is it true people think I am some son of sad git 606 00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:55,357 because I married someone old enough to be me granny? 607 00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,795 And they think you're cool cos you married me. 608 00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:02,272 Oh, Jerome. Look, nobody can predict audience reaction. 609 00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:04,556 Is that what you were told? 610 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:08,713 The bottom line is you shouldn't stay in one place too long. 611 00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,314 Is that what you were told? 612 00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:16,717 Yeah. 613 00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,232 You've used me. 614 00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:30,832 - What? - You've been around, you know t'score. 615 00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,070 You proposed to me. You seduced me. 616 00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:36,437 - You did everything. - That is just rubbish! 617 00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:39,876 You knew I loved you, so you just bloody used me! 618 00:48:39,960 --> 00:48:41,951 - No. - No? Well tell me you love me. 619 00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,509 - I do love you. - Properly. 620 00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,911 - I just did. - You're acting! You're pretending! 621 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:51,118 You're so bloody good at it, you believe your own shit. 622 00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:54,955 Well, if that's what you believe, you can get out of this house now! 623 00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:56,792 Fine. 624 00:48:57,880 --> 00:48:59,996 - Jerome... - Suits me. 625 00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,073 Jerome... 626 00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:08,792 What are you doing? 627 00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,076 I'm packing. I'm leaving. 628 00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:15,910 - I did not use you. - I have seen the light in the nick of time 629 00:49:16,000 --> 00:49:19,709 cos d'you know what? You are old. You're past it. 630 00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:22,633 Shit knows what I saw in you. I must've been mad! 631 00:49:22,720 --> 00:49:24,916 Now, don't say stupid things. 632 00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:27,594 You'll die lonely, on your own, 633 00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:31,355 old and ugly, sitting in a stinking pool of your own piss. 634 00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:35,673 - Is that right? - I am not sticking around to watch. 635 00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:39,469 - You're not leaving me. - I am. I'm sorry, love, 636 00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:44,031 you're gonna have to find yourself some other sad tosser to latch onto. 637 00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:48,353 Shouldn't be that tricky, should it? Managed it 75 times before. 638 00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:52,752 - Wonder what type you'll try next? - There isn't gonna be a next one, Jerome. 639 00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:57,391 I want you. I love you. You're not leaving me. 640 00:49:57,480 --> 00:49:59,437 It's what it looks like to me! 641 00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:01,636 You're not leaving me. 642 00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:06,273 - Move. 643 00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,789 - Move! - You're gonna have to make me. 644 00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:21,597 I shouldn't have hit her. See, I was drunk. 645 00:50:21,680 --> 00:50:23,956 Didn't know what I was doing. 646 00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:28,676 I love her, I've always loved her. 647 00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:37,077 (Man) '..the discovery that unravelled the secret of life.’ 648 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:39,957 Thank you. 649 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:43,271 Well, somebody to see you, love. 650 00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,032 Hiya. 651 00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:52,272 - Er, can I make you a cup of tea, lovey? - No, thanks, erm... 652 00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:56,797 - Right, I'll just be through here, if, er... - Right. 653 00:51:05,040 --> 00:51:07,156 What you watching? 654 00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:10,237 Nothing. 655 00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:13,470 How are you feeling? 656 00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,157 Dunno. 657 00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:21,516 She's dropped the charges. 658 00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,750 She wants to see you. 659 00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,317 It's OK. 660 00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:14,517 Beth? 661 00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:18,238 Oh. Gorgeous. 662 00:52:20,160 --> 00:52:22,117 Hello. 663 00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:31,797 I'm sorry. 664 00:52:34,240 --> 00:52:36,356 - D'you hate me? - No. 665 00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:40,070 - Can't hate me more than I hate meself. - I don't hate you. 666 00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:43,471 - Why didn't you press charges? - Because then you'd hate me. 667 00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,710 I don't want you to. 668 00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:51,674 I will never piss you off again. 669 00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,718 I'll do everything you tell me to. I'll be...good. 670 00:52:55,960 --> 00:52:59,157 I don't care about acting, I don't care about being famous. 671 00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:01,754 I...I don't care about anything. 672 00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:03,672 I only care about you. 673 00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:06,070 Promise me you won't go away again. 674 00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:11,674 I promise I won't go away again. 675 00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:14,036 Promise me you'll never leave me. 676 00:53:15,240 --> 00:53:17,356 I'll never leave you. 677 00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:26,634 - Did I do that? - No. I've had some work done. 678 00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:32,796 - What work? - When all this is healed, I'll look about 18. 679 00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:39,236 That's what they told me. They're lying, of course. I'm hoping for 27...ish. 680 00:53:40,080 --> 00:53:42,594 Well, 37, maybe. 681 00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:48,957 Why? 682 00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:53,434 For you. I don't wanna look like I'm your... I'm your mother. 683 00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:59,115 - But I liked the way you were. - I was old. 684 00:53:59,200 --> 00:54:00,793 You were perfect. 685 00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:04,357 Kiss me. 686 00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:20,309 You will still look like you, won't you? 687 00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,595 I mean, when they've finished. 688 00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:25,637 (Laughs) 689 00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:29,153 Who the hell else am I gonna look like? 690 00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:36,629 Oh, Jerome, Jerome, Jerome. 691 00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:40,876 He was too young. 692 00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:43,312 Bless him. 693 00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:45,630 Bless his head. 694 00:54:45,720 --> 00:54:48,394 But, yeah, I mean, we were compatible. 695 00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:51,151 Deeply. Definitely. 696 00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:54,077 Yeah. But... 697 00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:59,069 you know, in the end, it was an age thing. 698 00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:03,518 Life has dealt her a very mixed bunch of crappy husbands, it's true. 699 00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:07,355 But you've gotta hand it to her - she never stops trying. 700 00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:09,397 She never gets put off. 701 00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:11,676 Oh, yeah, we keep in touch. 702 00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:13,876 He's in Los Angeles. 703 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:17,956 He's working in a...club, I think, 704 00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:20,429 or a bar or something. 705 00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:26,272 She still has this unswerving belief 706 00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:30,319 that one day she will find Mr Perfect. 707 00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:33,313 She's invited the Women's Institute round for tea. 708 00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:37,189 So the vicar's daughter - tits - comes in and she's pushing a tea trolley. 709 00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:39,317 She's got this very low-cut dress on 710 00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:41,357 and she bends over to pour the tea 711 00:55:41,440 --> 00:55:43,795 - and her tits flop out. - (Laughter) 712 00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,759 The vicar's wife says, "I've gotta create a diversion." 713 00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:50,834 She goes over to the window and says, "Everybody, look, it's such a lovely View!" 714 00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:52,877 Everybody rushes over 715 00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:55,395 and there's two dogs shagging on the lawn. 716 00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:04,877 (Laughter) 717 00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:27,177 - Night, Ernie. - Night, doll. 50014

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