Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all

seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can have the town, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Children's Foundation.

So we hope that all of you will try and come.

Well, we certainly will.

For those of us that are interested, Congresswoman, just how does one go

becoming a foster child?

Well, time is up.

I'd like to say a special thanks to our guest, Congresswoman Margaret Geddes.

And this is Ted Baxter saying good night and good news.

Well, I think that's the last time we'll have Ted do a live interview on the

news. Why doesn't he use the questions we give him? Not those questions he

up. Is it any easier getting dates once you've been in Congress?

Well, actually, Murray, that was one of my questions.

a little giggle. I didn't know he was going to ask it with such intensity.

Ted, please, I don't want to talk about dating anymore.

Margaret, it was a wonderful interview.

Thank you, Mary.

Is Lou in? Yes, sure. I want to say goodbye to her. Oh, of course.

Mary, I'm glad you like the show because there's a small favor I want to ask.

Well, it's a pretty big favor.

If you don't want to, just say no and I'll drop it.

Okay, what is it?

Well, Georgette and I are celebrating our first wedding anniversary tomorrow

night, and I'd like you to throw a party for us.

No, Ted. Okay, okay, I'm dropping it. But now I'm picking it up.

Well, I said I'd drop it. I didn't say I'd leave it there.

Ted, no.

Please, Mary.

I'll even pay for everything.

Of course, don't go crazy. Figure a couple of packages of Velveeta and some

Gatorade. Ted, I am not giving an anniversary party for you in my

that's final.

I'm not worried, Mary, because I know you're going to reconsider.

And after all, I met Georgette at your apartment.

We were married at your apartment.

Even had our baby at your apartment.

You owe us this.

No, I don't.

Well, so long, Mary.

Oh, Margaret, I hope you can come back and see us sometime. Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, by the way...

Maybe you can help me out.

Oh, sure. What is it? Well, we have a celebrity coming to town to emcee our

benefit show, and I can't take him to restaurants and public places because

people make such a fuss over him. Who is it?

Johnny Carson.

Johnny Carson?

Yes. I don't know what to do with him.

Well, do you think it would be too forward if I offered to give a little

and you could bring him in?

Mary, that would be wonderful.

Oh, good.

Well, it'll be great for me.

Everyone around here is always kidding me about what awful parties I give.

I'm not even going to tell them he's coming and let them try to knock this

Well, thank you. I'll call you tomorrow to find out when. Okay, good.

Ah, Murray.

I'm going to have a little party tomorrow night. Gee, I think I'm busy.

No, no, no, no, Murray. You don't understand. This is a very special party

very special person.

Oh, thanks, Mary.

You sure you're not just being coy?

Now, come on, Mary. Tell us who is coming to the party. I told you, Sue

it's a surprise.

Well, it must be somebody important.

This is the first time you ever hired a maid and bartender. You know, it's

really not that expensive. You can get both of them to come for three hours for

just a little more than I make a week.

Come on, Mary. Who's coming to the party tonight?

Yeah, you said it was a celebrity.

Is it somebody in politics?

No, not politics.

Someone in communications?

Not communications.

Does it wear pants?

Yes.

No more questions.

Oh, boy. Okay, that could be him. So, everyone relax, and Sue Ann, everyone,

please don't embarrass me, okay? Just treat him the way you would anyone else.

will.

Hi.

Another one of your great parties, I see.

No, Mr. Grant, this is going to be a terrific party, I promise you. Better

gave up tickets to midget wrestling.

Your coat, sir.

Yeah, it's my coat. What about it?

Mr. Grant, this is the maid.

Maid? Are you crazy, Mary, hiring a maid for one of your parties?

I also hired a bartender.

Nice touch.

Personally, Mary, I think it was very smart having a maid to hang up the

It's so much nicer than having them thrown on the bed.

Yeah. And besides, Sue Ann, with the coats off the bed, you don't have to

about going home with button marks.

So droll. Oh, clever.

Where ever did you find a party hat made of skin?

What's going on here?

Bartender? Maid?

The reason Mary's going through all the fuss tonight is someone very important

is coming to our anniversary party.

Yes, a celebrity. All we know is that he wears pants.

I suppose I might as well tell you. You know Congresswoman Geddes? Yeah.

Well, she has a friend who's a celebrity, and she's bringing him here

Who is he married?

Johnny Carson.

What?

Johnny Carson?

Coming to my party? That's right, Ted.

Boy, is he going to be thrilled.

That is exciting.

This may turn out to be a pretty fair party after all. Fair, Mr. Grant?

This is going to be the best party that you have... What's happening to the

lights? I don't know. I think they're starting to dim.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to call the building manager. Where's the phone?

Mary,

have you got a flashlight?

Yeah, the...

I didn't touch you.

Sorry, Lou.

Hello, Mr. Finnegan. It's Mary Richards in apartment... Yeah, the lights just

went out.

The whole building?

must be dead.

Haven't you got any candles?

Yeah, somewhere. And I don't know how I'm going to find them in the dark.

No problem. We'll find them when the lights come on.

Oh, boy. This is great.

Really great.

Well, this is not going to stop me from having a good time.

Come on, Georgia. This is our anniversary.

Let's dance.

Okay, Kitty Bear.

Ba -ba -ba -boom.

the lights will come on before your other guests get here.

And believe me, dear, even if they don't, it's no reason why we can't all

good time.

Sue Ann knows, Mary.

When it comes to entertaining people in the dark, she's an expert.

Hey, I got a great idea. Why don't we take advantage of the dark?

Let's all sit down and tell ghost stories.

Ted? What?

happening to me after all the planning.

It's going to turn out to be the absolutely worst party ever.

But that's impossible, Mary.

You'd really have to go a long way to top some of the bad parties you've had.

He's right, Mary. You've had some real bombs.

That's not true.

As long as I can remember, it's been one bomb party after another.

The worst one was the one you gave with Rhoda where you fixed me up with a blind

date. And it turned out to be a little old lady.

We meant well?

Yeah, sure.

Excuse me.

Excuse you.

Thanks.

Mary, I wonder if I could have a word with you. Surely.

Mary, I can't tell her.

Mr. Grant, why don't you just go through with it? I mean, it's just for one

night. She's a sweet...

lovely lady you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

What's there to be embarrassed about?

Lou's date.

Nice to meet you, too.

Thank you.

Come on, Lou. Who is she, really?

That's who I'm taking to the dinner.

Oh.

How nice to meet you.

Oh, thank you.

Have you and Mr. Grant been going together long?

No.

This is our first date. We met through Mary.

Oh, you know, Miss...

Master, you look very familiar to me.

Well, you've probably seen me on television.

No, I don't watch television. I have a fireplace.

Excuse me. Your excuse.

Georgette, that's a lovely dress. Is it new? Pretty new. I bought it this

afternoon.

That's quite a date you got there, little one.

Do you want to see if she's got a granddaughter for me?

At least nobody can accuse you of robbing the old cradle.

But on the other hand, she's not bad, little baby.

Actually, she's just kind of cute, you know. And it grows on you. Got nice

Mr. Grant, Martha has had such an interesting life. Did you know she was

girl at Thomas Alva Edison's wedding?

I remember the first time you had Congresswoman Geddes to dinner. I

delicious veal prince orloff.

Right. Just enough for six people.

And then Rhoda surprised me by showing up with a date.

Hi, ma 'am. Hi. Mary, this is Steve Waldman.

Steve, this is Mary Richards. Hello. Hello.

Rhoda, could I talk to you for just a moment? Yes, I wanted to talk to you

ma 'am. I'll be with you in a minute, Steve.

Rhoda, why is he here?

Mary, listen. Steve and I work together at Hempel. And tonight, after four years

at the store, he gets fired.

So when he asked me to have dinner, I just couldn't say no. The salad is on

table. Hello, Rhoda dear.

Mary, we eat in four minutes. Sue Ann, nobody is here yet.

They're not here.

Rhoda, do you see these chairs?

There are six chairs. Do you see them? There is no room for him.

Mary, he can sit up there at the little table. Rhoda, come here.

Listen, I want this party to be a good party. You know, I want that so badly.

And there is not enough food for him. Sue Ann made it very clear to me. There

are exactly six portions of field Prince Orloff. No more, no less.

He can have half of mine.

Three minutes, Mary. I know, Sue Ann, I know.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. A little tense.

Hi, I'm Steve Waltman. Lou Grant.

Maurice Lauder.

How are you? Oh, fine, fine. I just got fired.

I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, me too. Hi, Mary.

Come on in, Mr.

Grant. Hi, Mary.

Can I get you a drink?

Yeah, sure.

No drinks, Mary. We eat in two minutes.

Miss Richards, I want to thank you for inviting me to dinner.

Rhoda, set a place for him at the little table.

Thank you.

One minute, Mary.

Congresswoman Geddes isn't here yet.

Oh, Mary dear, do you have any idea what happens if... You let Veal Prince

Orloff sit in an oven too long?

No. What?

He dies.

Hello, I'm Margaret Getty. Steve Waldman. Oh, how do you do? I was just

I'm sorry.

Congresswoman Getty, it's so nice to see you again. Everybody, this is

Representative Margaret.

Margaret. Margaret Getty. Rhoda Morgan Terrence.

Lou Grant, Lou Grant, Marie Slaughter, and Sue Ann Nivens. Mary,

your dinner is served.

Well, shall we all take our places then?

What happened to my drink?

Oh, Mary's so sorry to rush us all like this, but she mistimed her dinner.

Mary dear, would you like to bring out the veal, prince, orlaw?

Sure. And we'll start on your lovely salad.

Mary's made it all.

herself. It looks delicious.

Thank you.

And this is Mary's veal prince, Orla.

I haven't finished my salad.

I finished my salad. Excuse me, could someone just pass the salt?

Mr. Grant?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'm really starved, Mary. I really am. Thanks a lot.

Mr. Grant, could I speak to you for a minute?

Oh, yeah, go ahead. In the living room, I need your help.

Oh, sure.

What's wrong, Mary? You seem upset.

Mr. Grant, you took three servings of the veal.

Yeah. Mr. Grant, there are six people. You took half.

You mean that's all there is, what's on this platter? Mr.

Grant, you've got to put some back.

Don't you have enough for everybody?

Three people aren't going to get any dinner.

All right, I'll...

Say, you know what?

I'm not as hungry as I thought I was.

Speaking of surprises, Mary, where are your guests?

I don't know. If I'm lucky, maybe they decided not to come.

Just as well. Why should somebody she doesn't even know have to suffer through

one of her parties?

You know, come to think of it, Mr. Grant, I could have had some really

parties if it weren't for you.

Me? Yes, that's right.

Remember the surprise birthday party I tried to give you?

Could have been terrific.

But no, you wouldn't let anyone in.

I'd let him go. Who wants him?

No, Mr.

Grant, there isn't any back door.

Billy, that is a very foolish thing. Do you know how dangerous it is not to have

a back door?

But, Mr. Grant, they're just friends.

No friends are coming through that door. They stay out.

Why would you do this, Gordy? It was not his idea.

Oh, don't always stand up for other people, Mary.

You shouldn't have talked her into this. Now, I want to get out. Now, wait.

Wait. Listen.

I'll tell you what.

We'll just let Murray in.

You like Murray, don't you, Mr. Grant?

I like Murray. Okay, then.

We'll just let Murray in.

That's all.

Mary, you open that door and they're all going to come in here. They won't, Mr.

Grant. I promise you.

Just... Murray.

Happy birthday to you.

Everybody, if you can just give me a few minutes. It seems that he doesn't like

birthdays. Look, is he?

She doesn't like birthdays.

Is Murray out there?

Murray, Murray. He's been here for just a minute. No, no, just a minute.

Murray. Just a minute.

So you don't like surprise parties.

Is that an illusion? No reason to keep me stuck out in the hall. That's no

reason, no reason at all, Lou.

Here's your present. Happy birthday.

of your parties.

They're here.

Oh, what am I going to do?

Well, look, just answer the door, Mary. Maybe it's the building manager.

Johnny had to climb through the trap door at the top to get us out. Oh, Mary,

this is Johnny Carson.

Hi.

Nice place you have here.

Thank

you.

What a pleasure it is to meet you, Mr. Carson.

Mary, you're shaking my head. Oh, well,

come in. I'm really sorry about the power failure.

Don't, don't.

I've always thought it'd be terrific to come back to the Midwest and be in a

dark apartment full of strangers.

Yes, let me introduce you to my friends.

Johnny Carson, say hello to Lou.

Hi.

Hi.

Hello. That's Lou.

And Murray Slaughter.

Hiya, Johnny. How are you?

Murray's about 5 '11".

and his wife, Georgette. Hello.

How are you?

Nice seeing you, pal.

Hey, you know, you look a lot better in person.

And, uh, let's see, who else? Oh, yes, Sue Ann Nivens. Uh...

just licked my face.

I'm sorry.

Look, Mary, I'd love to stay and get to know all your friends better, but I

really do have to catch an early plane tomorrow. Oh, well, thanks for stopping

by.

I expected to find another one of your typical lousy parties.

But I was wrong, Mary.

Very wrong.

Thanks, Mr. Grant.

This was the worst ever.