Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her fly?

Who can take a nothing day And suddenly make it all

seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it With each glance and every

movement you show it Love is all around, no need to waste it You can have the

town, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

would really rather... Uh -huh.

All right, I'll do it. I'll do it.

Guess who that was?

An obscene call?

The Teddy Awards.

They want me to be in charge of the entertainment at this year's dinner.

Oh, well, somebody's got to do it, ma 'am. But why me, Murray?

I tell you the truth, I'd prefer an obscene call.

Well, who wouldn't?

nominations? No, not yet.

No matter.

Good morning.

Blue, any news on the Tenney Awards?

Dad, I told you the nominations aren't in yet. Oh, yes, they are.

They are?

About five minutes ago.

Well, how'd we do? Was my name on it? What? Oh, you don't want to really know?

Oh, come on. Of course we want to know.

Well, it would just distract you from your work if I told you. Who's working?

Now,

if you don't use your lips for talking, I'll use them for something else.

Give it to me straight. Tell me flat out. Either Ted, you were nominated, or

Ted, I haven't heard yet.

The fact is that we were all nominated.

What? We were all? How could we be all nominated? I know, Mary. I'm as amazed

you are. Let's face it. This is not an award -winning operation.

One special we did on the hospital crisis was terrific, and it swept the

You and me as producers, Ted as narrator, Murray as writer. Oh, boy,

that? Oh,

yeah. Sue Ann got one, too, for something about foul cooking.

Cooking foul?

Yeah.

One of my best.

That was one with a... Segment, a cape I need love, too.

Yes, and surprise your guests with a Christmas goose.

We're all nominated.

Oh, yeah, it's really great for you guys, but, well, I don't think it means

for me. I mean, I've been nominated before, but I never win. I don't think

ever win.

Murr, come on, don't talk like that.

That's just... Realistic.

admire you for it, Marie. You know your limitations.

You're hardworking but mediocre.

Marie, can I see you in my dressing room for a moment? Yes, sir.

Marie, dear, I heard you were in charge of the entertainment portion of the

Teddy Awards show this year. Yes.

Oh, I wish I could have helped you out. I used to do a wonderfully artistic

dance at private parties. But unfortunately, I don't have my costume

Oh? Her snake died.

He died happy.

You wanted to see me, Ted?

Yeah, I understand you're looking for talent.

Mary, you are in charge of the Teddy Award show, aren't you? Yes, yes, I am.

Mary, what's this I hear about a show? Yeah, well, I tried to get out. I don't

want my newsroom turned into a vaudeville stage. It won't, it won't. I

to locate a couple of acts.

You got all the talent you're looking for right here, Mary.

What do you do?

Good. Comedy, impressions, ventriloquism.

Ventriloquism? That's right, I'm a trained ventriloquist.

I bought the book.

You'll assist me, Mary?

Assist you?

No. What do you mean?

Well, it's very simple. Just sit on my knee.

Sure, get in.

Come on, Mary.

It's all in fun.

Show what a good sport you are. No, I'm not going to sit on his knee.

What's the matter? Is it beneath you?

I mean, you feel you're too dignified? Too important, is that it?

Come to think of it, Lou, you'd make a better dummy. You're shorter than she

is open your mouth when I squeeze your neck like this.

Well, he's very good.

Hurry up, Cash. I do the talking.

You just open your mouth when I squeeze your neck.

Okay.

Hi, boys and girls.

This is my friend Screwy Louie.

Louie, how is school these days?

Okay. My teacher is cross -eyed. Your teacher is cross -eyed? Yes.

She can't control her pupil.

Oh, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. The high point of every ventriloquist act is

drinking a glass of water and singing at the same time. That's in the book.

You drink this, though.

Hi, Mary.

Georgette, hi.

I just had coffee with Ted, and I thought I'd stop by to say hello. Oh,

Thanks for treating Teddy, dear.

Oh, what the heck? I can't take you with me.

How are you coming with the entertainment for the Teddy Award show,

not so good, Georgette. They want musical acts, and they're so hard to

I don't know if you'd be interested, but I...

studied dancing ever since I was little. I've never danced professionally, but I

have sort of a little act I worked up for a charity benefit last year.

Oh, really?

I didn't know you danced. What kind of dancing do you do?

A little of everything.

I'd be happy to audition for you if you'd like me to.

Well, sure, Georgette. I'd love to see you dance.

Oh, isn't it wonderful, Teddy Bear?

Mary's going to audition me, and maybe I'll get to dance at the awards show.

Oh, I'm so excited.

home and limber up my gans.

That's wonderful, Georgette.

Are you crazy?

What? I don't want Georgette dancing on your show, do you understand?

She won't dance, don't ask her.

Because she's no good, she has no talent, Mary.

Besides...

I don't want my wife, Mrs. Ted Baxter, making a fool of herself in public. Ted,

why do you always assume the worst about everyone?

Why do you delight in saying that Georgette's going to be lousy and that

Murray's going to lose?

It's for their own good, Mary. I only think of them.

I say it because I love and respect them.

He's a loser and she stinks.

Can I see you for a second?

I just wanted to tell you not to worry about Murray.

Well, I can't help it. I mean, it's bad enough that Murray's going to lose

without having Ted come... Oh, you know

something, don't you?

But it's about the awards show, isn't it? That's what it is. Is that what it

Mr. Grant? Tell me. Mary, Mary, calm down. All right, all right, I'm calm.

it is about the awards, and it is about Murray, isn't it?

Okay.

But this is absolutely confidential.

Yes, yes.

A friend I have on the nominating committee told me in strict

okay.

...that this year, this year, Murray's going to win.

Oh, Mr.

Grant, that is just sensational.

Murray's going to win.

But remember, it's top secret. Yes, right, I know.

Oh, Mr. Grant, that's going to be so hard to hide. I mean...

When I know a secret, my face just lights up. He's going to guess right

Ah, Mary, we don't want that, do we? No.

Why that smile on your face?

How can I?

Think about death.

Think about pestilence and plague and

war and rot and slime.

And putrid glock. All right, all right.

I'm under control.

Yeah, good.

Yeah? Excuse me. Mayor, you got a phone call.

I have a phone call?

Sure, that's just great.

Wonderful.

Hey, uh, what is she so happy about?

Oh, uh... Well, we were just talking about the awards dinner, how we're going

have a great time this year. We'll all get a table together, a big table like

always do and have a ball.

Yeah, well, I don't think I'm going. Not going? Why not?

Oh, hey, Lou. Look, it's pretty embarrassing to sit there and lose year

year. Oh, hey, Murray. I mean, why kid myself? Well, the competition is just

good. So, well, I'm just going to let it pass.

All right, Murray. All right, come on.

Come on.

I didn't want to tell you this, but I got the word from a guy on the

You're going to win. This guy says it's a sure thing.

I'm going to win.

I can't even say the word.

Win. Win?

Yeah. I'm going to win.

I gave it away, didn't I?

Yeah?

Mr. Grant, excuse me. I know you're sick of the subject of the award show, but

I've run out of talent, and I've tried everybody, and I was just wondering

whether or not you would think that it was right, well, ethical, for me

to put myself into the show.

You?

Doing what?

singing. It all depends. How good are you?

Well, good.

Pretty good.

Fair. I don't know. It's hard to be objective.

Well, I'm objective.

Sing for me.

Well, gee, I don't know. It'd be my pleasure, Mary.

Yeah, well, see, I just, you know. What selection were you planning to warble?

Um, one for my baby.

One for my baby.

Harold Arlen.

Great song.

Sexy. Torchy.

Yeah. Wrenched from the guts of a woman who's really lived.

I'd really enjoy hearing you belt out that one.

I really should have a piano.

Ah, I don't need a piano. Well, it would be better with a microphone. You don't

need a microphone. It would be better... It would be better with Peggy Lee, but

let's hear it anyhow.

Mr. Grant.

Sing!

of daytime programming are Uncle Bob Burnbomb, Toddler's Teepee, Jackie

O'Shea, Fib Your Way to Fortune, and Sue Ann Niven's Cooking Foul.

And the winner is Sue Ann Niven.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

I really don't deserve your lovely tribute.

The real credit should go to Tom, an 18 -pound

butterball turkey who gave his life so that I might stand here tonight and

say thank you.

Mary, I think the entertainment is just sensational tonight. Oh, thank you,

Murr. I haven't seen Georgette yet.

And now, before we present the award for news writing, we have one final treat

from our entertainment committee.

Oh, Murray. I can wait, I can wait.

Here's the wife of one of tonight's winners, Georgette Baxter, to ask the

musical question, Steam Heat.

But I need your love to keep away the cold I got.

Steam heat I got.

Steam heat I got.

Steam heat, but I can't get warm without your hand to hold.

The radiator's hissing, still I need you kissing to keep me from freezing each

night. I got a hot...

Mary, I told you, she bombed.

And now the nominees for news writing are Murray Slaughter, Channel 12, Mike

Armstrong, Channel 11, and Barbara Chase, Channel 9.

You're going to read your speech?

Yeah, well, I'm not good at memorizing.

And the winner is Mike Armstrong.

Thank you.

The winner is Mike Armstrong.

What was that? The winner is Mike Armstrong.

Well,

Mike Armstrong couldn't be here tonight,

so he asked me to... Well, Mike

Armstrong, nice to see you out of the sickbed.

Congratulations.

Isn't it great that he's here, everybody?

Mr.

Grant, what happened?

Did you talk to your friend?

Yeah. He said he was sorry.

Somebody told him in confidence and obviously it was a mistake.

Since he told me in conference, he was sure I wouldn't tell anyone else, so

there was no harm done.

Georgette, your dance was just sensational.

Oh, thank you, Marie.

I apologize, Marie. I'm sorry you had to see that.

Yes.

What? A lot of people came back afterwards and told me I was really

And they seemed to have meant it.

Apparently, the reason you don't think so is because you feel threatened by my

doing something well without you.

So now that we understand it, let's just drop the subject.

Or tonight in bed, you can play connect the dots with your own freckles.

Oh, thank you, Mary dear. What a glorious night.

Except, of course, for you, dear.

Come on. You know, you people are really embarrassing me. The awards are over.

I lost, but you won, so I think we should celebrate. So let's celebrate.

To the winners.

Mary, Lou, Ted, and Sue Ann.

Don't leave yourself out, Murray.

Here's to the loser.

I would like to hear Murray's acceptance speech.

What?

I think that's a little inappropriate, don't you?

I think it's very appropriate. You read it to me last night, and I'd like

everybody to hear it. Honey, please, it'll make you feel better.

Come on, Murray. Let's hear it, Murray. Please.

Well, if you'd really like to hear it.

Awards are nice, of course.

But the main reason I'm glad I won is that somehow it's only at a time like

this... That you get to tell the people you work with what you think about them.

And I'd like to do that now.

Lou Grant?

There's not a man alive that I have more respect for.

Or whose respect means more to me.

Mary Richards?

You do the impossible every day.

You make people forget how beautiful you look.

Because they're too busy realizing how beautiful you are.

And now the hardest one.

Ted Baxter.

I said a lot of things to you in the newsroom, Ted, but...

There's one thing I've never said I'd miss you if you weren't there

You're filled with joy

Love and wonder

It's okay, Ted. I don't mind.

Well, I do if you hadn't blown it. The whole world would hear how nice I am.