Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with a smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all

seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can have the town, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

It's a slow news day. Let's see.

Well, 35 years ago today, they finished carving their heads on Mount Rushmore.

What do you mean, carving?

You try to tell me they carved their heads up there?

How else are they going to get there?

Mother Nature did it, Murray.

She made Mount Rushmore the Grand Canyon and me.

The steep, the deep, and the creep.

How did the hearing go?

Not terrific, Murr. The grand jury gave me one last chance to reveal my new

source. I refused, and I'm going to have to stand trial for contempt.

I thought that was settled when you spent the night in jail.

Well, it's a new grand jury, and apparently they can cite me for contempt

over again.

Well, don't worry about it, Mary. Justice is on your side.

And when you're sitting in that witness box, stand on your constitutional

rights. Invoke the First Amendment, and occasionally, flash a little thigh.

You have to stand trial.

We're going to have to get you a good trial attorney.

Adrian, my attorney's a good man.

Trouble is, he's in a hospital right now.

Yeah, he got run over when an ambulance suddenly went into reverse.

Listen, Mary.

Mary, there's a guy I have in mind, Barry Monroe, a poker buddy of mine.

I'm sure I can get him to take your case. And you'll be in terrific hands.

seen him operate.

He can prove that anybody in the world is innocent.

Hi, everyone.

Well, almost anybody.

Who is it?

Me. Oh, Mr. Grant, I just wanted to check because I look so awful.

Lou, something tells me we weren't expected.

Oh, you mean the curlers? Oh, Mary doesn't care about that, do you, Mary?

To introduce you to Barry, here he is, Mary Richards, Barry Monroe.

How do you... Ah, wet nails.

Do.

Well, great. Hurry up. Let's go.

Go? We've got the biggest poker game in years. Come on, Barry. I don't want to

miss it. Forgive me, Mary. I don't want to miss this either.

Come to the office tomorrow. We'll discuss your case. Oh, good, because we

really have to get this settled. I mean, I can't keep worrying about whether or

not I'm going to go to jail. Everything's going to be okay.

I don't know. It's hard to believe that everything's going to be okay. Look at

me. Everything's going to be okay.

My mother had little violet flax in her eyes just like you.

I don't have violet flax in my eyes. Oh, yes, she does.

Doesn't she, Lou?

Violet flax, violet flax. Come on, let's play.

Miss One -Hand. This is important.

You mean we're not going to be there when they break the seal on the deck?

sure they'll tell us all about it.

You know what I can't figure out is why they're bringing me up on contempt

charges again. I mean, last year, the grand jury said that as a newsman, I'm

protected by the First Amendment.

Unless they're planning to claim that as a television producer, you're not a

legitimate newsman.

There's a similar case going on like that in Oregon at this moment. Mary, not

newsman? That's ridiculous. Excuse me, Mary. I just realized how insensitive I

was. Your case is a lot more important than my game.

So we're just going to sit here and talk about your case and forget the game.

Oh, Mr. Grant, I don't want you to do that.

You heard her. Let's go.

A couple of minutes.

Mary, we don't have anything to worry about. A television reporter has the

First Amendment rights as a newspaper reporter. Oh, good, good, good.

Can you tell me how much this will cost? Well, I'm going to set an unusual fee.

Four dinner dates and a lunch.

No, really.

I'm being half serious.

No, I would really feel much more comfortable if you would just tell me

ordinary fee. $75 an hour.

I know a wonderful little restaurant.

Oh, Mary's not a hunk.

Can I help you with something?

No, I just couldn't wait any longer for Mary. I want to leave her a note.

I've been looking through my briefs and it's important that we talk as soon as

possible.

Ann Nevins, Mary's dearest friend.

So, you're the handsome attorney Mary's been seeing so much of these past weeks.

Well, we've been working pretty hard on the case. Miss Nevins, I've been wanting

to talk to you. We need an extra character witness at the trial.

Wonderful. Oh, I'd be more than happy to tell the court what a really fine

person Mary is.

Warm, sincere, industrious, punctual.

Oh, sometimes I wish I could be more like her.

But no, I'm stuck with being wildly unpredictable.

Passionate.

And just about the best time a fella can have in a dream.

Well, I'll call you if I need you.

Vice versa.

Hi, Ted.

Say, Barry, we must have some lunch sometime.

Why?

Because there's one thing I enjoy. It's a good conversation about law.

You know, I once thought of going to law school.

What prevented you? High school.

That's nothing to kid about, Murray.

There's one thing we should have respect for in this country. It's the law.

It's the foundation of everything we do.

Excuse me. Yeah, can I help you? Does anybody know where I can find Ted

Yeah. I've got a subpoena for him.

Well, let's see if I can find him.

Hey, that's... Are you calling Ted as a witness?

No, the prosecution must be calling him to have Ted explain how the newsroom

functions. Ted couldn't explain how a men's room functions.

Hi, Barry.

Oh, Lou, can I talk to you a moment? Sure, come on in.

So, how's the case going?

Oh, I think we got a pretty strong case, Lou, but that's not what I came to talk

to you about.

Lou, you know I've been spending a lot of time with Mary these past few weeks.

You know, going over her transcripts, checking the case, smelling her neck.

Aren't you going to say anything?

Oh, why? Everyone smells Mary's neck sooner or later.

Lou, I think you know me well enough to take this seriously when I say that...

I think I love her.

I'm not taking this as seriously as I'd hoped.

It's just so predictable, Barry. Guys come in here and guys fall in love with

Mary all the time.

And sometimes they break her heart. Sometimes she breaks their hearts. And

the end, what are they left with?

Probably a perfumed note in that precise handwriting.

Dear Tom, Dick, or Harry.

You're a wonderful person, and you've been very special to me.

But the chemistry just isn't right between us. I hope you'll understand.

I shall always treasure our friendship. Love, Mary.

But I'm not any Tom, Dick, or Harry.

Mary is somebody I might want to marry.

Sit down.

So, you want to marry our Mary.

Mind if I ask you a few questions?

What?

How's your health?

My health is fine.

You drink?

Probably drink as much as you do.

Oh, my God.

What are your prospects?

My prospects?

What are you asking me these questions for? You're not her father, you know.

down. Yes, sir.

What are you doing?

Some guy wants to slap me with a subpoena. I don't care if he wants to

with a flounder. Get out of my office.

to find you sooner or later anyway. Why don't you save the time and energy and

accept the subpoena?

They're not going to get me, Sawbones.

Sawbones is a doctor.

Oh, what did I mean?

Shyster.

Thanks. They're not going to get me, Shyster.

Well, Lou, what do you think?

How about marrying me?

Well, I approve.

I'm going to go over there and tell her how I feel tonight.

I just hope that she feels a little bit the same way, because if she doesn't,

it'll kill me.

Oh, come on. Don't talk like that. It won't kill you. It would.

Maybe it would hurt you. Kill.

You know, Barry, that kind of proves something I've always thought.

Love stinks.

Hi.

I got something for you. Let's make it fast.

What is it? Those letters you need at the trial from people at WJM saying how

great you do your job. Oh, thanks.

Three?

See you tomorrow.

Mr. Grant!

Oh, you never know. Somebody might drop in. I shouldn't be here.

Hey, you never let that worry you before.

Well, maybe I better start worrying about it. Mr. Grant, how about a little

drink?

Maybe a quick one.

Quick, quick. A little faster. Mr. Grant, this is as fast as I walk. No

ice cubes.

You have time for a glass? All right, let's not be sarcastic. Of course I want

glass.

The drink should be a sociable occasion.

Thank you, Mary.

See you in court.

Mr. Grant, you're not going anywhere till you tell me what this is all about.

All right, maybe I should talk to you about it, because if you had a friend

and... Can I get some ice?

Okay, Mr. Grant.

If you had a friend who was about to cross a minefield,

Wouldn't you go out in front of him with a stick to make sure there was a safe

path? Is this a trick question?

No. All right, Mr. Graham, I like to think I'm the kind of person who would

let a friend go out into a minefield without first going out with a stick.

Me, too.

Um... How do you feel about Barry?

Well, I... I like him. I think he's a very bright lawyer.

Oh, Barry got past my number one.

Do you like him a lot?

Yeah, I guess so.

Number two, mind clear.

Do you love him?

No.

Boom!

What was that?

Maybe I'd better stop being subtle. Barry's crazy about you.

Oh, no.

Oh, come on, Mary. Are you acting like you don't know?

The way you've been leading him on, answering the door with your hair in

curlers.

You did everything but wear eight -inch heels, lean against the lamppost and

say, hi, sailor.

Mr. Grant, you know I go on trial tomorrow, and I'm sure in some way you

you're being helpful to someone somewhere, but not here and not me.

You really don't love him, huh? No.

I feel terrible.

Why?

Because I gave him your hand.

He did what?

He's going to be coming here any minute to collect.

What makes you so sure he's coming here any minute?

You're right. Maybe he's not.

Grant, please, I don't want to have this kind of conversation tonight before my

trial, not with my lawyer. Please do something.

Yeah, yeah, I'll head him off. You go into your bedroom. I'll take care of it.

Haven't I always?

No.

Hi, Barry.

Oh, thanks.

Where's Mary? She's tired. She's asleep.

What are you doing here?

That's a good question.

What am I doing here?

Uh, look, look, Barry, I'm not comfortable lying to a friend.

I did something tonight that's probably pretty stupid. I hope everything works

out okay. I got into a conversation with Mary, and I ended up telling her how

you felt about her.

And? And she told me how she felt about you.

And? And I know you're going to take this great.

Come on, Lou, look, I'm not a kid. Just tell me.

She doesn't love you.

Yeah, I've heard that before.

I'll hear it again.

Hey, come on.

You didn't want her anyway.

She's a real fuss budget.

Precise about everything. It'd drive you nuts.

She belongs with a guy who has every hair in place.

A guy who gets a manicure once a week.

Good Lord, you're perfect for each other.

You know, it's funny.

I was so nervous. I never imagined it would hit me this hard.

You're going to be over this before you know it. You've got to pull yourself

together. Remember, you've got a big case tomorrow.

I can't pull myself together, Lou. Huh?

Comes a time when you've just got to let yourself go.

Don't worry about picking up the pieces later.

What do you mean?

I'm going to tie one on.

I don't care about anything anymore.

Barry. Listen, Barry.

Oh, boy.

You can come out now.

Well, how'd it go, Mr. Grant?

Boom.

Uh -uh.

It's almost nine o 'clock. Where's Barry? Relax, Mary.

It's an old defense lawyer's trick. Come into the courtroom at the last minute.

Shows the prosecution how confident he is.

I've been drinking coffee ever since the bar is closed.

As long as I don't have to spend too much time on my feet, no

one will be the wiser.

Matt, you gotta pull yourself together. Matt could get sent to jail for years.

I don't care.

I'll wait for her.

Now in session, the Honorable William Benton presiding.

Please be seated.

Your Honor, I'd like to discuss a point of procedure before we begin. May I

approach the bench?

You may, Counselor.

Mr. Monroe, would you like to join us?

Kiss me goodbye.

I will.

It's going to be okay. Don't worry. Mr. Grant, I'm going to try very hard not to

lose my head. You promised me a great lawyer.

And you got me Barry.

I remember even saying thank you, but now Clarence Darrow was standing up

blowing kisses at me and I could go to prison.

What can I say? I owe you one.

Prosecution may cause first witness.

Prosecution calls Ted Baxter.

Yo.

Please repeat after me. That won't be necessary.

I, Ted Baxter, do solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and let the

truth so help me God.

I was up all night going over it.

It's very commendable you may be seated.

I guess applause isn't allowed.

Mr. Baxter, you are employed at WJM -TV.

What is the nature of your job?

I am the best anchorman in the United States.

And in your opinion, would you say that Miss Richards' qualifications were

comparable to those of a newsman like yourself?

I would.

In every way, she's every bit qualified as any newsman I've ever known in my

life. Mr. Baxter, do you know the penalty for perjury?

Okay, okay.

Maybe not the best anchorman in the whole United States.

I mean specifically, what news functions does Miss Richards perform?

Let me just get together and get the news and give it to me and get up there.

Mr. Baxter, what exactly does Miss Richards do as a producer?

I don't know.

Let me put it this way. Is it part of her function to go out and seek out news

stories? I don't know.

of this line of questioning.

Certainly, Your Honor. I intend to prove that Mary Richards is not a bona fide

newsman and therefore not entitled to First Amendment protection.

Well, Mr. Jenkins, if that's your line of argument, perhaps you'd like to

request that I disqualify myself from this case.

In the last five years, I've seen Miss Richards and her camera crew in the

of this courthouse many times.

In fact, she once supervised an interview with me.

In my mind, there's no question but that she's a newsman.

and indeed one of the most competent and charming newsmen I've ever met.

Have you been seeing him behind my back?

However, Mr. Jenkins, I should also tell you that in the event that this trial

does proceed with a new judge, I shall feel compelled to offer myself as a

witness in Miss Richards' behalf.

Well, in view of the information Your Honor has just brought before the court,

the prosecution acting in what it believes to be the best interest of all

parties concerned...

Moves for dismissal.

Motion granted. Case dismissed.

All right.

You see, I told you Barry would get you off.

Sam's called his first witness.

It's okay, Sam.

Barry! We won.

Well, what was the score?

Well, the trial, even better.

Barry.

I'm sorry for everything. Can you forgive me?

Probably not.

And if you ever want a lawyer, if you ever rob a bank or kill somebody,

I'd be proud to represent you.

Thanks.

Congratulations.

You did it again. You're the smartest lawyer I know.

I didn't open my mouth.

That's smart.

Mr. Monroe.

Yes. The lady told me to give you this.

Uh -huh.

Here it comes, a perfumed letter, right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You're a wonderful guy, but the chemistry isn't right.

She'll always treasure your friendship, correct?

Dear Barry, I didn't want to tell you this till the trial was over, but I

find you terribly attractive, and I must have you before nightfall, or else I'll

explode.

Sue Ann Niven.

Leaving one fireman on the scene to remark, who needs 17 rooms anyway?

Today's a happy day at WJM. The producer of the 6 o 'clock news, Mary Richards,

was acquitted of contempt charges by the state appellate court.

It was the impassioned testimony of yours truly that convinced the court

Miss Richards was entitled under the First Amendment to not divulge your

of information.

Glad to be of help, Barry.

Well, that's the news for this evening, but before I say goodnight, I'd like to

thank Nigel Reed for filling in for me while I was on religious retreat.

God bless you, Nigel.

I can't believe it. Ted's taking credit for my acquittal.

I could just... Feed his brains in. Oh, forget it, Mary.

By the time you found them, you'd be an old lady.

Hey, pretty good show, huh?

On a scale of one to ten, I'd say that was a B+. Ted, how dare you take credit

for my acquittal? Hey, listen, Mary, I was the only witness.

The judge heard what I had to say, threw the case out.

Mary, let's face it, I saved your bacon.

asked you what I did. You told him you didn't even know what I do around here.

Of course I told him I didn't know.

You don't want me to tell him what you really do around here, do you?

What do you think I do around here?

Well, you come in, you hang up your coat, you talk to Mary, and you go in

and discuss your problems with Lou, and you wear a lot of different clothes, and

you have a lot of big parties.

You wouldn't want me to tell him that, would you?

You really don't know what I do around here, do you?

Well, let me tell you what I do, Ted. I send out the film crew. I make the news

assignments. I work out the rundown for the show.

I hire people. I fire people.

I am responsible for everyone else's activities, and I am responsible for

facet of this production.

Gee.

And I always thought it was my fault the show stunk.