Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Well, you got tonight's editorial?

Yeah. Here it is. What's it about?

Mental health. What's our position?

I can live with that.

Hi, kiddo.

Hello, Murray.

I should have written that I was coming, but I didn't have time. I am in town on

a very big deal. I'm so glad to see you. You look terrific.

Gee, what do you have to do to get a cup of coffee around here? I'll get you

one, but I don't think it's very fresh.

Oh, Murray, after 20 years in the city room, I wouldn't know a fresh cup of

coffee if Joe DiMaggio brewed it for me himself.

Which he often does, incidentally. How are you, baby?

I'm fine. What are you doing here in Minneapolis?

I thought you were covering some story in Uganda.

Well, I was, but General Amin and I had words. Apparently, nobody had ever

called him fatso before.

Least of all in Swahili.

Just the way I like it. Rotten.

Hello.

Here I am.

And it's all set.

You mean it, what you said on the phone?

Every word. Come on, let's go where we can talk about it. Mary, be a pal. Take

my call.

Be a bigger pal. Drink my coffee.

What's that all about?

Well, I don't know.

She's my aunt, he's my boss, and I know less about what's going on in the

newsroom than anybody.

Almost anybody.

Look what she's doing here. Who?

My Aunt Flo.

Yeah, she's in Lou's office. The two of them have some kind of big secret.

Secret? Will you listen to him, Mary?

Some kind of secret.

We're journalists, Murray.

It's our job to investigate, find the facts.

No secrets.

We're a news team.

We dig them up.

It's our secret trust.

Remember me, Ted Baxter?

Of course. I can never forget you, Ted. Thank you. God knows I've tried.

Mary, could you step in here for a moment, please? Yeah, sure, sure.

Sure, sure. They called Mary in. Well, she's family, Ted. Flo Meredith is her

aunt. I mean, it's only natural that they tell Mary something they wouldn't

you and me.

Well, well, I guess that makes sense.

Mary.

Would you join us, too?

I guess you're both

curious about what this is about.

Well, the reason I'm in town, Lou and I have always wanted to do a story

together, and I have the perfect one.

Coffee, anyone?

No, thanks, Ted. We have coffee right here. Oh, right.

But what kind of story are you talking about, Flo?

Human interest.

And it's right here in Minneapolis. There's a family by the name of Flynn

have 20 children. Maybe you read about them. Yes, I did. He's a widower. She's

widow. He had nine children. She had 11, and they got married. Oh, Flo, why,

I'll never know.

Danish? Donuts? Coffee?

No, Ted.

A shine. Would you like a shine?

Ted. Would you by any chance like to join our meeting?

Well, okay, but make it snappy. I've got work to do.

Then you want to do a kind of documentary on the Flins.

Exactly. See how they function during the day. Move right in with our cameras

and our film crew.

Well, has the family approved of this idea?

They love it. And the best part of all.

I have just sold it to educational television.

Educational television? Hot socks.

Well, we're going to do it together.

Flo has the reporter's eye. I've got the television know -how.

And we want you and Murray to do the research.

Oh, hey, that's great, Lou. Right there.

Sensational. Who are you going to get to narrate the documentary?

Oh, we'll find somebody.

Listen, Mary. I'm right for it, Lou. I mean, I got the looks, the voice.

Besides, once I'd done educational television, no one would ever laugh at

again.

I

don't

think so.

Mary, I'm trying to get across to you. What? Wait a minute.

I think you're being a little hasty. I mean, Ted has made a very nice offer,

I think we should take him up on it.

We could use some fresh coffee.

Here's to the greatest team in journalism.

Right.

Lois Lane and Clark Kent.

Stop talking about us, toots.

Toots? Where did you ever pick up a corny word like that?

From you.

You use it all the time.

Yeah? Yeah. It's kind of cute.

Here's to us, partner.

Well, Mary and Murray have done some great research.

We now know that in a single day...

The Flins go through 30 quarts of milk, 15 loaves of bread, six jars of peanut

butter, three smooth and three chunky, and one industrial -sized can of talcum

powder.

Now we come to the hard part.

We need an angle.

Oh, Lou, relax. You and I are two old pros.

We put our heads together, we'll come up with something.

You know, I had an idea.

I've been spending a lot of time with the Flins, you know, and there's this

adorable kid, Jimmy. Well, I should say little Jimmy, because there's another

Jimmy, big Jimmy.

He's adorable, too, you know, but he's not quite as adorable as little Jimmy.

Anyway, I was thinking it might be interesting to look at things from his

of view, you know, sort of follow him through a typical day and sort of trace

his relationships.

for the other members of the family.

Of course, you know, that's just a germ, germ of an idea. I mean, you'd have to

take it from there and, you know, kind of develop it further.

Or you could look at it all through the eyes of little Herbie.

I don't have to say little Herbie because there is no big Herbie.

There's a dog,

Henry.

He wouldn't want to look at it all through his eyes.

I'll get that.

Just happened to be outside in the hall anyway, so I thought I'd drop in.

Hello.

This is the first time I've ever seen you with a pipe that didn't have bubbles

coming out.

I'll call the Flins and see if I can set up a shooting schedule.

Hi, Little. Hi, Flo.

Hi.

How's the documentary for educational television coming?

Fine, Ted.

Have you chosen a narrator yet?

Not yet, Ted.

I've just been in the library.

Had my own library card for years.

I love books.

It's a pity the internet should take out four at a time.

Means I just have to go back every day.

We're kind of busy here.

Well, I've got to do some reading anyway.

I just picked up Victor Hugo's latest.

Why don't you stop trying to impress us? Impress you? I'm not trying to impress

you.

Lou.

Please, let me be the narrator.

Give me a chance. I'll do anything.

Please.

Please.

Oh, Lou, what are you... Hey, anything is better than going through this.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. You got the job. Oh, good.

Thanks, Lou. Thanks, Flo. Listen, you won't be sorry. I'll do a great job for

you. You won't be sorry that you chose me to narrate the story about the Flim

family.

The Flim family. The Flim family.

Why couldn't they call themselves Lipschitz?

I'm going to be the narrator for Education of Television. Me, Ted Baxter.

Oh, good, Ted. That's really good. There's just one little problem.

I just talked to the Flins, and they're getting a divorce.

I don't understand. I thought they were happy.

Mrs. Flynn said the romance had gone out of their lives.

Well, it's no surprise with 20 kids.

After all that tucking in, they're probably just too tuckered out.

They told the kids yet? No. Their oldest daughter's getting married in two

weeks, and they don't want to put a damper on the wedding by breaking the

to everyone now.

Well, we'll just have to postpone the filming until they do tell the kids.

What do you mean, postpone the filming?

The Flins have decided to split up. The story's over. Oh, now, look.

Kiddo, I'm sorry for what happened and all that, but the divorce just makes it

better story. How these people cope with the breakup of a marriage.

That's disgusting.

That's just cheap exploitation of a human tragedy.

I've got news for you, sweetie pie. All journalism is exploitation of human

tragedies. Well, I won't do it. Now, you have a contract, and so have the Flins.

I've checked with them. They're willing to go through with it. Okay, then we'll

do it just as we originally planned. One day in the life of a big family,

period. That is dishonest. No, it's not. We'll tell about the divorce at the

end, but we won't exploit it.

I'm sorry.

As a reporter, I can't do it your way. Well, as a producer, I won't do it your

way. Well, why don't we do it both ways and let the network choose?

Murray, that is a terrific idea.

Let's see which one is right.

The hot shot producer or me. We'll both submit a presentation in our own way to

the network and let them choose.

Oh, that's crazy. No guts.

Come on, come on. You really think that you can goad me into

doing something that's against my principles by saying something as

as... No guts.

You're wrong.

Mary, that was a great idea. Now, you and Mary split up. One of you goes with

each of us. Okay, let's get going. Well, hold on just a second, Aunt Flo. When

you say one with each, how do we decide?

Choose.

Oh, well, no, no, no. Come on. Choose, Mary.

Choose who you want to work with.

Well, you know, it's not a question.

I mean, you know, both...

Besides, have you really... Choose or you don't work the show.

Well, okay, then. I choose.

Okay,

and I choose Flo.

Because I've always admired your work.

Besides, I have this feeling that God put me on Earth to be used by strong

women.

You check this out, Toots. I'll start the writing. The deadline is Monday

morning, 8 o 'clock sharp.

I'll be there. May the best reporter win.

The word is better.

And I will.

told me about you and Lou and Flo and Murray splitting up in teams. I just

wanted to stop by and wish you both good luck. Oh, thank you.

Fine, fine, Ted.

Whose team are you on?

Me?

Oh, well, I just assumed that whoever was the winner, I'd still be the

Well,

wait a minute, Lou. Are you saying that to make up my mind what team I want to

be on?

Does that mean if...

I choose a team and it doesn't win, then I'm... Well,

in that case, naturally, I'm on your team.

I mean, I think you're in the right, and I know you're going to win.

Besides, today my horoscope told me you will bring good luck to a fat man.

But this is the technical part, and you wouldn't be interested. It would bore

you, and I don't want you sitting here acting bored.

Bored? I wouldn't be bored, Lou. You always say that. Treat me like a kid.

Honest. I won't be bored.

Let me just sit here. Let me just listen, okay? Please, I won't be bored.

All right, Mary, where were we?

Well, I think we should put in something about tempo in the film editing.

Right. My thought is that pace is very important.

For instance, in shooting a dinner table scene, I'd want rapid intercutting from

face to face with a voiceover perhaps accelerating to show the...

What

are

you doing?

Nothing, Lou. Just counting my teeth.

I'm going to back you all the way, and I know we're going to win.

As a matter of fact, let's hear it for our team.

Hip, hip.

Murray, where'd you put the file on the Flynn's budget? I want to put in that

line about how 22 can live as cheaply as 21.

Murray had that file.

Well, we need it tonight.

Okay, I'll go over to Aunt Flo's hotel and get it. All right.

Oh, that is one heck of a story if I do say so myself.

Well, you know something?

You are really very good.

Of course she is. That's why I chose your team.

I don't mind telling you, kiddo, that you picked a winner.

Let's celebrate.

Order some champagne.

Right, Chief. Champagne. Gotcha. How do I do that?

Call room service, give them our number, and order whatever you want. Who pays

for it?

Ted, I'm on an expense account.

Oh, really?

Wait till George Ed hears about this.

Room service.

This is Ted Baxter of Educational Television.

I bet they're all goosebumps in the kitchen.

I'm in room 1007. Like a bottle of champagne, please.

She wants to know if there's anything else.

Be my guest.

Some cashew nuts, salted, the great big ones, and some cheese doodles, and some

potato crinkles and popcorn, and some cocktail franks, baby shrimps, and a

steak. A steak?

Put that in a doggy bag. I'll take it home with me.

Say, listen, do you have clothing, too, or just food?

Ted, that's enough. I'll call you back later.

Holy, talk about fast service.

Who is it? It's Mary.

Oh.

Hello, kiddo. What brings you here? Unconditional surrender?

No, no, I need a file from Murr.

How's it going?

Tell her, Murray.

We just finished.

You finished?

Already? What's the matter? Aren't you and Lou almost finished?

Almost, yes, nearly.

Very, very nearly.

In the, uh...

I hope you weren't hurt by my choosing, Mr. Grant. You weren't, were

you? Oh, honey, you had a tough choice to make. I know what it's like.

One time, Albert Einstein and Cary Grant both asked me to spend the weekend with

them, and I had to choose.

Albert Einstein and Cary Grant asked you to spend the weekend with them. Right.

Of course I can't prove it. Einstein's dead and Cary will probably deny the

whole thing because I didn't choose him.

Listen, how soon will that champagne be up?

They said be any minute, Flo.

see you under there.

Ted, I've got a question for you, and you better have a pretty good answer.

What did you come here for?

Shampoo.

Come on, man. Why don't you sit down and relax?

Oh, Murr, I can't. The network has had both versions for two days. I just wish

they would hurry up and make a decision.

They did.

I just got the phone call.

We won, hands down, going away. Oh, Mr. Grant, that's wonderful.

Oh, I'm so happy for you. Congratulations.

Yeah, congratulations, love.

Thanks, Murray. Sorry you had to be on a losing team.

Yeah, me too, Murray. Sorry you had to be on a losing team.

That's the way it goes.

Some people win, some people lose. That's the way the cookie bounces.

Well,

I've got work to do.

After all, we can't all grab the brass ring.

Today you're up, tomorrow you're down. Some get the prize, some get the blues.

Matters not who won or lost.

Ted, why don't you go count your teeth?

Before the number changes.

Isn't that exciting? Hi.

Any word yet?

Hey, Blue, didn't you get a call?

Oh, well, it could be. I haven't been in my hotel all afternoon. What's

happening? Uh, listen, Flo. I've been thinking, and I decided that it... Well,

it's stupid for us to compete.

I mean, we started this thing together, and I think we should end it that way.

So here's what I think we ought to do.

Why don't we put both our names on the final version? Whoever wins.

Oh, Mr.

Grant.

Oh, baloney.

How gullible do you think I am, sweetheart? You heard something, and I

pretty good idea what you heard.

You lost, didn't you? And you were not man enough to admit it. And now you want

to crawl into the winner's circle?

No dice, Grant.

No dice.

You should be a writer. You have a way with words.

You lost.

Mr. Grant won, and he was trying to give you a graceful way out which you were

too conceited to accept.

How do you like those words?

He just made a lovely, generous offer, and you sneered at it.

You make me want to scream.

Is that true?

Yeah, I couldn't have put it better myself.

Except for the...

screaming for.

Well, now you have said enough, Toots. Believe me, it is not easy to be

told off by Shirley Temple.

Now, as a good niece, suppose you tell me what I can do to apologize.

Well, it's not going to be any good to go in there now. Not after some of the

things you said to him.

Maybe a day or two, but right now you go in there, you're just wasting your

breath.

I never could resist a challenge.

Congratulations.

I guess the better man won.

Thanks.

Anything I can say to patch things up?

I don't think so.

Well, let me rephrase that question in the light of certain information I

give you the first time.

In 1945 in France...

General de Gaulle gave me a bottle of cognac, which was then over 100 years

I brought it along. It's at the hotel. I was hoping we could use it to celebrate

our partnership.

I mean, back in the days when I thought we were going to have a partnership.

It's still unopened.

I accept your apology.

How do I happen to find myself in a situation where you just beat the pants

me and I end up apologizing?

That's what you get for messing around with the big guy.

Funny, that's just what General DeGaulle said.

Well,

I warned her not to go in there.

Can you imagine a language that's flying around that office right now?

Well, I wouldn't worry. I'm sure Lou's heard most of those words before.

You know, Mr. Grant, he's never going to forgive me.

Mary, if anybody wants me, I'll be in Flo's hotel room.

But we'd rather not be disturbed.

All right.

at the elevator.

Okay. All right.

What is it, kiddo? How did you... Oh, listen. Never mind about that now. Now,

want you to do a big favor for me. Sure. Call room service at the hotel and have

them send up the dustiest bottle of cognac that they can buy.