Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after

That's what I smelled out in the hall.

I was afraid someone's cat had died.

You go right ahead and eat, dear.

No, no, that's all right. I'm not really hungry anyway.

What can I do for you? Mary, I have a problem.

Harry Adams, the producer of my show, quit without notice.

Why'd he leave?

I don't know.

The fringe benefits alone are enough to keep any man happy.

I think you'll manage to find a new producer. After all, last year you

to come up with seven of them.

Mary, don't you know why I'm here? I've come to give you your big chance.

My big chance?

Sue Ann, you're not going to ask me to produce your show. Why not? You'd be

perfect. You're a free -thinking, independent, unshackled woman.

Exactly the kind of person to jump when I whistle.

Well, I'm very, very flattered, Sue Ann, but I already am a producer.

Oh, are you really?

Oh,

Mary.

As long as Lou is in charge of that newsroom, you'll never really be a

Sue Ann, I am the producer.

I don't work for him, I work with him. And I think I can safely say that we are

just about equals, Mr. Grant and I.

Lou, may not.

Anyway, my leaving the newsroom is out of the question.

Dear, I am offering you what every creative, artistic person needs.

A hundred clams more a week.

Well, thanks, Joanne, but I really couldn't consider leaving. Mary, do

a favor. Sleep. I don't have to. I really don't. My mind's all ready.

Made up?

Are you sure? I mean, think what it would mean to do my show every week

of working in that newsroom. No more deadline pressure. I'm sure.

No more puny little sounds. I'm really sure. No more... Long hours? No, really.

Positive. No more Ted Baxter?

Okay, I'll sleep on it.

Good

morning.

Oh, hiya, ma 'am. So, where's the looking for you?

Oh, no.

I got bad news for her. What is it? Did they decide not to build the Marine base

outside of town?

Mary, I've got to talk to you. I've got a fantastic idea on how to increase our

ratings. All right, Ted. What is it this time?

Well, instead of doing the news where I do every night with just the cameraman

watching, I'll do it in front of a live audience. Pretty exciting, huh?

Well, Ted, I really don't see the value in having a live audience.

I knew you were going to say that, Mary. So I'm prepared to show you how wrong

you are. I'm going to prove to you that it's more exciting doing the news with a

live audience. Okay, you guys ready?

And now, repeating today's headlines.

Rising floodwaters threaten cities surrounding the Mississippi, causing

thousands to flee.

Oh.

Benny Strickler gave birth to quadruplets, four beautiful, bouncing

Ah.

And finally, in Oakland, California today, a man explained to police that he

shot himself in the foot to take his mind off his toothache.

And that's it for the evening. This is Ted Baxter saying good night and good

news.

Well, what do you think, guys?

Boo!

You think you're not going to do it? Ted, I don't think so. I'm sorry. Boy, a

guy tries his best, works hard to come up with a concept and make the show a

little different, and this is the thanks he gets.

Ah, shut up!

I've decided to stay here in the newsroom. Oh.

Now, what's this all about?

Oh, well, Sue Ann asked me to produce her show.

So I'm sorry, Sue Ann, you'll just have to find someone else.

Well, Harry, if there was anyone else, why in the world would I be asking you?

Won't you reconsider?

No, no, hard as you're making it for me. No, I'm going to stay right here.

You sly devil.

I'll bet you're holding out for more money. No, really, it has nothing to do

with money.

I'm willing to go another 50 bucks a week, even though it does mean digging

my own bra.

Talk about an inflated economy.

$350 a week is a lot of money, but I have no intention of leaving the

This is the job I feel I should be doing.

All right, Mary, I understand. I want you to know there are no hard feelings.

fact, I admire your integrity. And if you should ever change your mind, don't

hesitate to come crawling.

Thanks.

Now, Sue Ann, a crazy idea just popped into my mind. I hope you don't think I'm

being too forward. You know that I produced a couple of documentaries. I

way around television studios, so I was just wondering if... Are you saying

you'd be interested in the job I was just offering Mary? Well, I'm saying

if you can't get anybody, I wish you'd keep me in mind.

Why don't you kick it around overnight?

I have other things I kick around overnight.

Murray, I make quick decisions. Besides, I'm desperate. The job is yours.

Just like that?

That's great, Sue Ann.

Well, look, when would you want me to start?

I need someone right away.

Okay. Well, look, I better go in and talk to Lou. I'm sure we can work

out. I can't believe this.

I'm going to be a producer.

You know, Sue Ann, I'm so happy I could... I could...

Shake your hands.

I know this is going to be the beginning of a wonderful relationship.

We're two old friends who understand and respect each other, and I just know

working as a team, we should be able to put on one heck of a good show. You bet

we will, Sue Ann.

Miss Nevins.

Oh, Mary, hey, guess what?

I'm going to be a producer.

Isn't that terrific?

I'm going to work with Sue Ann.

Sue Ann?

Yeah, isn't that fantastic?

Well, yeah.

Murray, that's really great, but, ah, Sue Ann. Oh, Mary, I know what you're

thinking, but Sue Ann's nothing like that.

I mean, deep inside, there is a warm, sensitive, understanding, compassionate

human being.

Besides, for 350 bucks a week, I'd work for the Flying Melanders.

Can I talk to you for a second, Lou? Sure, what's on your mind?

Well, this is very difficult to say.

How long have I been here?

About ten seconds.

No, Lou, no, I mean working in the newsroom.

Oh, let's see, I guess it's...

Eight years.

No, it's nine years, Lou, and that's what I want to talk to you about. No,

no, you're wrong. It's eight years. I remember exactly.

Because the day when you started to work here was my daughter's sweet 16th

party. Oh, yeah, it was her sweet 16th party, Lou, but it was nine years ago.

See, and that's what I want to talk to you about. No, no, it can't be. She's

only 24.

Unless she's got to be 25.

Let's sell this right now. Oh, Lou, it's not important.

Yes, it is, Murray. I don't know how old my own daughter is.

Hello, honey. How old are you?

87? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Listen, I'm sorry, Lee. I dialed the wrong number.

I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry. But hang in there, you hear?

Lou, Lou, forget how long I've been working here. It doesn't matter.

I was just trying to find a nice way of telling you what I have to tell you.

What's that, Murray?

Lou, I've got another job. I'm going to be a producer.

Really? Yeah. Hey, that's terrific, Murray.

Congratulations. Thanks, Lou. Murray Slaughter, producer of the news.

Yeah, well, it's not a news show, Lou.

More documentaries?

What? Sue Ann.

What?

Sue Ann Niven's a happy homemaker.

What? Lou, I know it's not the greatest job in the world, but it pays more than

I'll ever make as a news writer. Lou, Lou, I need the money.

Look, I understand.

I understand. You don't have to explain to me.

Thanks, Lou. Thanks.

You want to know something else?

I think you're going to make a darn good producer. A darn good one.

See where I'm at? Yeah.

She wants me to start as soon as possible, so I thought that I could do

jobs, you know, until you find my replacement.

Ah, we'll never replace you.

No one made this operation tick.

But don't worry. Don't worry. We'll manage.

Come on.

Let's drink to your new job.

The Murray Slaughter... The producer.

Da -dum, da -dum.

Sue him?

Mm -hmm.

Nipples? And we managed to get an on -the -spot report of the raid of that

theater downtown, which we can use in the news tonight.

Terrific. How'd you do that?

Luck. Some of our crew just happened to be in the theater at the time.

Well, I just said goodbye to the guys in the studio, so, uh...

I guess this is it.

Hey, look, you're only going to be upstairs. We'll still see each other

day, right?

Right.

Oh, Murr, I'm going to miss you.

Me too, Mary.

So long, Mary.

So long, Murr.

So long, Ted.

So long, Murray. Have a nice lunch.

Murray's not leaving for lunch. He's leaving for good.

What do you mean, leaving?

Who's going to write my show?

Well, John will.

Oh, no, no, no. I don't want anybody writing my show except Murray. You've

nothing to worry about, Ted. John is a very good writer.

I don't care. You know my style. You know how I... Murray, listen, I'm the

of the show, and I want Murray to stay here. Ted, Murray's been offered a job

a lot more money. Is that what it is, Murray? Is that the problem? Well, why

don't you give him a raise?

Murray's the best darn news writer in the business.

And I want him on my show. I'm not going to let the quality of my show suffer

because of a few measly bucks a week. Dad, there's no money in the budget for

raise. The only way we can give Marie a raise is if you want to take it out of

your own salary.

Don't be a stranger.

And so, until tomorrow, this is your happy homemaker reminding

you that...

A woman who does a good job in the kitchen is sure to reap her rewards in

parts of the house.

Okay, guys, take a one -hour lunch break. That was a great, great dress

rehearsal, Sue Ann. Thank you, Murray.

You know, you may be new at producing, but I can tell you're going to do a

wonderful job.

Now, would you be a dear and tell Charlie to watch where he puts his

just opened the bread box, and one of my lady fingers was smoking.

And then I want to tell you about some new ideas I have for the show. Oh, good,

Murray. I always love to try new things.

As a matter of fact, I'm trying one this afternoon, and you can help me.

It's a seafood soiree, and I need someone to open those cans of sardines.

You want me to open sardine cans?

Well, the prop man is out shopping, and the director is up in the booth, and...

And the cameramen have this silly union rule about not opening sardine cans.

So who's left to do it except my wonderful producer?

I'm sorry, Sue Ann, but I don't think a producer opens sardine cans.

He does around here.

Unless he wants to be an ex -producer.

Now, I'm in a hurry, so get the sardines and the lead out of their respective

cans.

And when you finish that, will you order some more paper towels? You're going to

need them tomorrow when I do my salute to the Johnny Mop.

Murray! Hey!

How's it going, Murray? How's the big producer?

Great, guys. Just great.

That's great, Murray.

Really great.

How come she's got you opening cans?

What do you mean, these?

I'm not doing this for her.

I'm doing it for me.

I'm thinking.

I always open sardine cans because it helps me think.

If I don't come up with an idea, I just close them up again.

I'll have to try that sometime.

So, guys, how are things in the newsroom? Oh, not bad. The new kid's

okay. Oh, you see, Ted, I told you he'd be fine. Yeah, but you write much better

weather forecasts than he does.

Ted, the weather's been rotten all week. Maybe that's it.

Hey, there's another thing.

You know the way you used to tease me when you were in the newsroom? I tease

you? Yeah.

Well, you know, make little jokes about me, pretending that I was dumb.

Ted, I wasn't pretending.

See, that's the kind of thing I mean.

Listen, we just came up here to see if you'd like to have lunch with us. Oh,

gee, I'd love to, Lou, but I'm afraid I can't. I just have too much to do around

here. I gotta check the lighting. I gotta give the notes to the guys on the

crew. I gotta check the set, the audio, the cue cards.

You know, I never realized before how important a producer is to a show. Yeah?

I sure am glad you're a producer. I want you to know that I sure miss you.

Oh, thanks, Ted.

I can't think of anybody I'd rather be missed by.

He did it again.

See you. See you later, Murray.

Yeah, yeah.

Hello, Lou.

Hello, Jeff. Yeah.

The station manager's going to be in my office at 3 .15 for a meeting, and I'd

like to have you there. What, the station manager?

Well, sure, Sue Ann, I'll be there. Look, is there anything special I should

know? Yes. He takes his black, and I take milk and two sugars.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

What?

I have just been watching a man being destroyed.

Is it too late to send a film crew?

Mr. Red, I'm serious.

I was just visiting her. Sue Ann said you cannot believe the way she is

him. She's got him scrubbing the stove, washing dishes, scouring pots.

Now she's got him cutting paper doilies out for her fat wedding show.

For what?

she's doing a special on weddings for the weight conscious.

What kind of wedding is that? I don't know.

I guess instead of throwing rice, they throw cottage cheese.

Boy, isn't this ranch treating him like a flunky?

Isn't there something you could do? Could you talk to him?

Well, Mary, what can I tell him? I don't know. Tell him to stand up to Sue Ann,

not to let her push him around.

Why don't you tell him? Because I think he should hear it from someone stronger,

someone forceful, tough.

Why don't you get Sue Ann to tell him?

Look, where's a grown man?

He made a decision.

He knows what he's doing.

If he wants his job back here, he can have it.

But beyond that, I'm not getting involved.

But Mr. Grant, Marie is so unhappy.

Mary, I am not getting involved.

Come in.

Hi. I hope I'm not disturbing anything. Hi, Marie.

Nice to see you, Marie.

meeting Murray for lunch and I thought I would drop by and say hi to the old

gang in the newsroom.

You must be really proud of Murr, huh?

Oh, Mary, it is fantastic.

You know, my friends see his name on the credits and the children are so proud

of him, too.

And the extra money certainly doesn't hurt.

Oh, I can't tell you how it's changed our lives.

We are the two happiest people in the world.

There are only 82 calories in the whole thing. A man could eat that entire cake,

and by the time he finished, he'd have starved to death.

Well, the pots are finished.

I'll see you later. I'm going to take Marie out for lunch. Oh, hold on a

Marie, dear. I want you to help me for a minute.

I have to put the finishing touches to my stylishly stout bridal gown.

Well, uh, you want me to get one of those dummies for you to put it on? Oh,

dear. None of them is large enough.

Well, then what do you want me for?

Hold out your arms.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. I'm not going to put that on, Sue Ann. What do you think I am? Marie.

There we are. You know... It's only going to take two seconds, dear.

And don't fidget now while I'm trying to pin you. Look, this is embarrassing.

I mean, it's humiliating.

Look, I told you I've got a lunch date.

Oh, you can go to lunch anytime.

How often do you get a chance to wear a wedding gown?

Hello.

Hi, Sue Ann.

Where are you? I live...

Oh, how's everything going, Murray?

Fine, just fine.

I'm out of pins, dear. Don't sit down. I'll be right back.

She didn't have a dummy big enough.

Maybe she did.

Murray, how can you do this to yourself?

You can't let Sue Ann just walk all over you.

Oh, yes, I can, Lou. For 350 bucks a week, you bet I can.

But it's eating you up inside. It's gonna make you crazy.

You keep holding your feelings in like this, and it's just gonna explode one

day. You gotta stand up to her. Say what's on your mind.

Be a man.

Oh.

Oh, is that what you think, Lou?

You think I'm not being a man?

Well, let me tell you something, Lou.

There's a lot more to being a man than all that macho stuff.

I got a wife.

And I got kids.

And doing my best for them is a big part of what makes me a man. So don't tell

me I'm not acting like any man, Lou.

I'm sorry, Murray.

You're right.

You're a man.

And that's a very lovely gown.

Gee, I didn't even know you guys were engaged.

Get out of here.

Okay, Lou, but isn't it bad luck for you to see Murray before the ceremony?

Get out of here. I just stopped by to ask if you wanted to have lunch, but I

guess you two kids want to be alone. Get out of here.

Okay, okay, Murray, you're beautiful.

you're angry? No.

Look where it's come to.

You got Ted making jokes about you now.

Mr. Grant, I... Oh, my God.

Mr. Grant, did you talk to him?

Yes, I talked to him, but he won't listen to me. Did you tell him he can't

like this? Yes, I told him. Did you tell him he's got to stand up to Sue Ann?

Yes, he told me. Will you stay out of...

No, I didn't have the heart to tell him that. Why don't you tell him that? I

can't.

Marie was crying in the newsroom?

Yes.

I'm going to talk to Sue Ann.

Marie, I've got the pin, but I want to see how the veil looks. Oh, no.

No veil, Sue Ann.

A producer does not wear a veil.

Murray, don't use that tone on me. I mean, if you have something you wish to

to me, let's act like civilized people and simply sit down and discuss it.

All right.

I'm sorry, Sue Ann. Forgive me. You were absolutely right.

Let's sit down.

If you will excuse me, I've had a luncheon date with my wife.

Could use a little more vanilla.

up a cake and sit down.

I just dropped by to ask Mary a question.

Dear, I have a date tonight.

Do you think this dress is a little too suggestive?

Uh... Well, I mean, tell me the truth. Now, be honest. Does it make me look a

little easy? A little cheap?

Well, a little, yes.

Good. I've got another date with my new producer. Now, he's a wonderful man, but

he's not terribly aggressive.

We had three dates before he even so much as held my hand.

And then he only did that to keep me from unbuttoning his shirt.

Mary, maybe you and Joe would like to double date with us tonight.

Oh, well, thanks to him, but Joe's still out of town.

Oh, shoot. I was hoping maybe Lester could pick up a couple of pointers.

What? Well, she's got an idea, Mary.

I mean, I remember reading about that gorilla in the zoo last year.

They put a female gorilla in his cage, but he didn't show any interest.

So they showed him a movie of two gorillas who were showing a lot of

each other, and eventually he got the idea.

Oh.

I wonder if I'd call the zoo if they'd show that film to Lester.

Failing that, maybe they'll let you date the gorilla.