Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

news. Oh, yeah? What is it? Well, I just can't wait to tell you. Tell me, tell

me. Murray, you're just not going to believe this.

At this rate, I'm not going to hear it. Okay, well, you know how hard it is for

us to come up with new guests each week for Talk of the Town? Yeah.

Okay, I have a friend at the State Department who handles visits to this

by important people, and Murray, guess who we're getting for the show?

Who? Murray, you're not going to believe it. Oh, right, all right.

Prince Charles of England.

Really? Yeah, yeah. I mean, my friend is sure, pretty sure.

Mary, think of what this can do for our ratings.

Yeah. Wow.

Ted interviewing Prince Charles.

What a great bicentennial gimmick. Starting another war with England.

Oh, Ted, I have the most incredible news. Really? What is it? I just can't

Ted interviewing Prince Charles.

Forgive me, Mary, but life is so short.

Prince Charles of England?

Yes. Heir to the throne, the crown... prince, son of the queen.

Son of a gun.

You and I are going to have to do a lot of work together preparing for the

interview.

Hey, Murray, imagine being a prince.

Boy, he's got it in me.

He can have all the chicks he wants.

He can just walk into a bar and say, hey, I'm a prince.

Okay, Ted, I will prepare a list of questions and you will stick to that

What's the matter, Mary? Don't you think I know how to talk to a prince? That's

right, Ted. That's exactly what I think. Well, you're wrong. I can think of lots

of questions. Lots of them.

What was your favorite parade?

Do you wear your sword in the subway?

What advice would you give to kids who want to get started in the business?

Lots of them.

Hi, George. Hey.

Sue Ann, guess what?

I may be having Prince Charles on my show.

Oh, you and he would make a wonderful pair.

If only you weren't so old American and common.

Don't get up.

Don't worry.

Oh, Lou, you're so transparent.

Pretending to be gruff. You're just like chicken Kiev.

A crusty shell, but all soft and runny on the inside.

Sue, don't compare me to food. I don't like being compared to food.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and temperate.

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May.

I liked it better when I was soft and running.

Sweet, adorable, bashful, shy lute.

Don't try to hide it any longer.

Don't try to hide what?

Your true feelings toward me.

Oh, I know how much you're attracted to me. And you know how I know?

Because you go to such lengths to hide it.

Sue Ann.

I am not attracted to you.

See?

That's why you're always avoiding me. Because you know if you get too close...

You're afraid the little pilot light of desire that flickers within you might

turn your whole oven on.

Sue Ann, for God's sake.

That's why at the station picnic last summer, you wouldn't even be my partner

the sack race. You were so afraid of having your passion aroused.

That had nothing to do with it. I just didn't want to get in the sack with you.

Since you're obviously too shy to ask me out, Lou, I'm going to ask you.

Why don't you come to my place for supper Friday night?

Sue Ann, come on. Oh, now, before you answer, remember, the more you protest

that you don't want to come, the more it'll be clear to me that you really do.

The more you say no, the more it means yes.

Let me get this straight.

If I say no, it means yes?

That's right. And if you say yes, it means yes.

So what's your answer, Lou?

disturbing you.

I was in bed.

Oh, good. Then you're alone.

Sue Ann, it's two in the morning. I know. I was out on a date.

What are you doing here?

I want to show you something.

Jesse, come in here.

Hi.

Mary, this is Jesse.

Jesse, this is Mary Richard.

Hello.

I don't understand.

I just wanted to show you what I... I've been out with.

It's all right, Mary. He doesn't like me any more than I like him, do you,

Jesse?

No.

So, Ann, what are you doing here? I just want to show you the lengths to which I

am forced to go for simple male companionship. I want you to see how

social life is.

Close the door and sit down, dear. Make yourself comfortable.

Would you get him a glass of water, Mary? Something to keep him busy.

Oh, dear, you don't understand why I go out with a man as dull as Jesse. No,

that's not what I was going to say.

Well, it's a good question. I'll answer it anyway.

We met on a double date.

He was with a very interesting girl, and I was with a very interesting man.

And after we ordered our dinner, his date and my date left to wash their

and we haven't seen them since.

Sue Ann, I'm very sleepy.

Jesse has that effect on people.

You know what he does for a living?

You know those little celluloid things that go on the ends of shoelaces? He

makes those. There's not even a name for them.

He doesn't even know what to call them.

When I asked him what he did for a living, he had to take his shoe off to

me.

What?

Jesse, what do you do for a living?

Oh, no, that's not what I mean.

Thanks. You know, she's always making fun of what I do for a living.

But those little things on the end of the shoelaces are very, very important.

I mean, if you didn't have them, it would be murder trying to get the

into those little holes.

Mary, Sue Ann, I don't want to appear to be a poor hostess, but what has all

this got to do with him?

Mary, dear, you can help me escape this.

Now, Jesse's typical of the kind of men I go out with. Well, maybe not typical.

He's one of the better ones.

Good water.

Sue Ann, what can I do?

Help me get a date with Lou.

I would like just one shot with him, Mary, and I really think if we could go

once... He might really learn to like me.

Sure, just because I don't like it don't mean he won't.

Thank you, Jesse.

Just one shot, Mary, that's all I'm asking.

Don't you think I deserve that? Don't you think even I deserve one lousy

to be happy? Oh, Sue Ann.

Please, Mary, please.

Well, I don't know what you think I can do, but if I can help, I'll try.

Promise? Yes, I promise.

Dear,

dear, sweet, wonderful friend.

And now, dear, you really should get some sleep. You look dreadful.

Thank you.

It was very nice meeting you. A pleasure.

Look, if you'd like, I can drop her off and come back later.

Don't.

I think it's your friend from the State Department about Prince Charles. All

right, keep your fingers crossed.

Hi. I've been waiting for your call all day. I've been so excited. I... What?

Yeah, but I mean, you... When?

And... And she... What did you... Uh -huh.

I see.

Well, yeah, no, sure, I understand, but... Uh -huh.

It's not your fault. But listen, ma 'am, I was just... Maybe if you... Uh -huh.

No, I was just thinking, you know, that if he... Right. Okay.

Okay. Thanks for calling.

Goodbye.

We're not getting Prince Charles for the show.

He is not coming over here at this time.

Ah.

going to do about a replacement?

Hey, look, how about my human interest file?

You know, all the offbeat characters we've covered in the past year. Maybe

we'll... Hey, what about that?

R .D. Thalicker of St. Paul who attempted to enter the Guinness Book of

Records by growing the longest toenail in the world.

You're suggesting replacing the crown prince of England with a 14 -inch

Oh, what about this one, ma 'am?

The amazing Garavelli. The man who can stop a cannonball with his stomach, I

don't think.

Yeah, big deal.

I'm sure Ted could do the same thing with his head.

Let's see.

Oh, now this is a possibility.

It's the king of the gypsies.

He's not the national king. He's just the local one, but he's very colorful.

Okay, at this point, I'll take anything.

All right, Murray looks interesting.

Let's see if we can book him. Terrific.

Only, Murr, why couldn't it have been Bonnie Prince Charlie?

I'm sorry, ma 'am. I know how disappointed you must be.

Well, it's just that they practically promised me the prince.

I mean, people shouldn't make promises they can't keep.

How true, dear.

Sue Ann, listen.

You know what you have to do, Mary.

Yeah, so did Benedict Arnold.

Mr.

Grant? Yeah?

Could I see you for a minute?

What is it, Mary?

Wondering if you, uh, would do me a favor.

Depends. Well, you see, I have this... friend.

And... Well, she has sort of a... crush on you.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

I mean, she really thinks you're something.

Well... Don't act so surprised, Mary. Oh, well, no.

I have had my occasional triumphs with the ladies.

I mean, I'll be a swinger, but I'm not a hermit either.

Yeah, right. Well, anyway... So just give me a little credit, Mary. Just

I don't flaunt it doesn't mean I don't have it.

Right, okay. So anyway, this friend wondered if you're not doing anything on

Saturday night.

If you would like to have dinner.

At her place.

Her place, huh?

Well, Mary, as it happens, I'm not doing a thing Saturday night, so you can tell

your friend I'd be delighted.

It's a date.

Okay.

Only, uh, why didn't your friend speak for herself?

Oh, I don't know, Lou. I guess I was too shy.

Oh, I'm sorry. The traffic was awful. How are things here?

How are things here?

Well, Mr. Grant is sulking up in the booth because of his date with Sue Ann

tonight. He's furious with me. Ted hasn't shown up yet. Neither has the

the Gypsies. Well, I've got the King of the Gypsies with me, and he's not going

to improve your mood.

Mr. Kralik!

Mary, I'd like to present His Highness Laszlo Kralik, King of the Gypsies.

Call me Laszlo.

How do you do, Laszlo? It's a pleasure to have you with us.

Call me Kralik.

Oh, Pete, you want to get some hot coffee down here?

Not for me, thank you. It keeps me awake.

Well, I'd better go to the boat. Marguerite! Oh, where are you going?

Ted? Well, I don't know.

Maybe you should run over the questions in case you have to fill in.

Oh, good luck, Kralik.

Call me Laszlo.

What was your name again?

Mary. Lovely name.

I think it was my mother's.

Got anything to drink?

Why don't we just sit down?

let me ask you a couple of questions.

Call me Laszlo.

Right.

How many gypsies are you the king of?

How many you got?

Well, you see, Laszlo, in order to do an interview... Call me Mary.

In order to do an interview... Mary, I'll take over.

Your Highness.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

You play the accordion?

Why don't you just sit here for a moment, and we'll be right back to you.

Wait here for a second. Yeah, sure.

Don't make any suspicious moves. Just get to a phone and call the police.

The police? Why? What happened? I don't think that man is the Crown Prince of

England.

It's after seven. You promised Sue Ann you'd be there at seven. Don't rush me,

Murray. There's plenty of time. I don't know what you're stalling for, Lou.

After all, I know a little bit about these matters, and I can tell you're

getting one hot mama.

Listen, why don't we all have a drink?

Lou, it's ten after seven. We could drink fast. No talk. Just pop, pop, pop.

You're right.

Come in.

Uh, Mr. Grant, could I talk to you for just a few minutes?

Guy talk, Mary.

We were just leaving.

Lou, let me give you some advice.

Tonight, when you're alone with Sue Ann, kiss her on the eyes.

Makes them crazy.

I feel really badly about having gotten you involved in this.

Not bad enough.

Oh, come on, Mr. Grant.

Don't you think you're making just a little too much of it?

I mean, it's just one lousy night.

Right.

One very lousy night.

Come on. How bad can it be?

She's a terrific cook.

She also happens to be a very warm person. The word is hot.

Look, I'll admit, the way she got you to accept was a cheap, deceitful,

underhanded trick.

But you fell for it.

Come on.

Come on.

It's time.

All right.

All right.

You know, Mary, you missed your calling.

You could have given pep talks to kamikaze pilots.

Thanks, Mr. Granville.

You're a pleasure to cook for, Lou.

You had seconds and thirds on everything.

I was just trying to make the meal last.

Well,

I figure if someone goes to all that trouble, the least you can do is enjoy

There is nothing more rewarding than giving pleasure to a man.

Right.

Right. So, you got any more of those little toadstools?

No, we finished the truffles. We finished all the food.

What about the cake?

All gone.

Great cake.

Light, fluffy.

Good. Now, why don't we take our coffee? What about break? I ain't bread.

No, Lou.

Dinner is over.

Can I walk your dog?

I don't have a dog.

I'll go buy you one.

Lou, why don't we get a little more coffee?

I've waited a long time for this evening, Lou.

But it was worth waiting for.

Sure was. Great dinner.

What's that expression?

A great meal is a prelude to the symphony of love.

Who said that?

I did.

Look, Sue Ann, don't do that. Go ahead, Lou. You're stronger than I am. Pressure

advantage.

Jessica, Joel, what does it take?

I went for broke on this date. What did I do wrong?

It's not... Is it me? If it is, you might as well... You might as well just

me to my face. Is it me?

Yes.

That's exactly it.

You're absolutely right.

It's you.

Well... What I mean is that...

You're...

You're much too good for this.

Chasing men.

Throwing yourself at them.

That's not you, Sue Ann.

No.

You have much too much to offer.

Any guy would be darned lucky to catch you.

But you have to have enough confidence to let him do the catching.

You're a terrific broad.

A woman, that is.

Broad's okay.

But you don't give people a chance to find that out.

The treasure shouldn't do the hunting, Sue Ann.

You're a treasure.

You should act like it.

Okay?

I think maybe I'd better go.

Lou.

That was a lovely rejection.

Isn't life funny?

I've been accepted by lots of men. Felt rotten.

You just rejected me.

I feel like a million dollars.

Thanks, Lou.

Listen.

This was a good evening.

Who knows?

Maybe... Maybe we'll do it again sometime.

When?

Yeah, okay, thanks. I'll be right there.

Say, uh, Mary... I'm sorry, Ted, there's a problem in the camera department.

I'm looking for Mary Richards.

He's right over there.

Mary?

Well, what can I do for you, Your Highness?

When do I get money for my TV guest shot?

Payroll takes care of that. It'll be a week to ten days.

Okay. Give me some money on account.

I will not.

Mary?

You don't pay me. I put gypsy curse on your head.

Gypsy curse?

May your tongue shrivel up.

Your eyeballs fall from their sockets.

Your teeth rot.

Your armpits catch fire.

And the soles of your feet.

be covered with boils.

How much do you want on the count?

Five dollars.

I'll take the curse.