Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all

seem worthwhile? Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all alone,

to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after long.

Ted, what are you doing?

I'm having some new publicity shots taken.

Since when do you smoke a pipe?

I don't. Bought it for the photo session.

Do I look like Cronkite?

Actually, more like Mammy Ocum.

Oh, Lou, don't go in your office. You're going to miss Mary coming back from

lunch. Well, maybe you can tell me what it was like later.

Lou, you know that guy she's been going out with the past four months? The guy

we think she's kind of serious about?

Well, I think he may be with her.

I'll stick around.

Mary, serious with somebody?

Look, that's a wrap. Enough of what I told you.

You mean about the dimples? Right.

You don't have any dimples. I will now.

What? What?

Okay, we're all anxious to meet this guy that's been taking Mary out.

All right, out of fairness to Mary, let's try not to make her feel

uncomfortable. You didn't look at Murray once when you said that.

Ted, when there's a fire, you don't aim your hose at the hydrant.

Indeed not.

So why don't you get lost, Ted?

Well, I want to see him.

Ken,

that was really a great lunch. Thank you. Sure. Look, Mary's guy has broke

about you.

Hey, how'd you break the old wing?

Oh, my dog did it. I was getting out of my car and he jumped up and slammed the

door in my hand.

Wouldn't it be better if you taught him to roll over and play dead?

Listen, I want to go over a few things with you guys in my office. Oh, yeah.

Well, it's nice meeting you, Ken. Same here.

Dad, aren't you coming into my office?

Set your hook, cast your line, and reel them in.

Listen, I guess you two want to be alone.

I'm not going to say another word.

Just pretend I'm not here. In fact, you can even talk about me if you want to.

Okay, then. I'll see you and Stevie at my place about 7 o 'clock tomorrow.

right. Stevie? Who's Stevie? I don't know any Stevie.

Stevie is my son, Ted.

You going out with a married guy, Mary?

No, Ted.

Divorced. Oh, split city, huh?

Well, that's too bad.

Listen, it's no disgrace to be divorced these days. Ed!

Just because his first marriage didn't work out doesn't mean he's going to

it up again.

I think I'd better get going, Mary. Okay.

Listen, I'm a little nervous about meeting Stevie tomorrow.

I mean, I hope he likes me. Not only will he like you, but meeting you will

his voice change.

Bye. Nice talking to you, kid. Oh, yeah.

Trust me.

Well, sure I trust you, Mary.

Then, Ted, would you take off your left shoe?

Okay.

And now would you take off your sock?

Okay.

And listen very, very carefully to me now, Ted. The next time you see me

to somebody and you think of something to say that would be appropriate or

add... to the conversation.

I want you to take that sock and stuff it down your throat.

What about the shoe?

Hi, Mary. Hi.

This is Stevie.

Steve, this is Mary Richards.

Hi, Stevie.

Hi. Oh, this is for you. Oh, thank you.

Uh, Mary, yeah.

Yeah, Rick, uh, come on in.

I just, uh, have to turn my oven down.

Son, why don't you, uh, sit down over there and, uh, make a cookout, okay?

Everything's going great.

Yeah, I think so.

Well, I mean, naturally, there's bound to be a little tension with you meeting

my son for the first time. Oh, Ken, I'm so glad you said that. I mean, it really

takes the pressure off.

Now I know everything's going to be all right.

Hey, what's that lousy smell?

That's dinner.

Oh, Stevie, listen.

I think you're really going to like what I'm fixing.

It's the first time I ever made it from scratch.

And you know what it is?

Don't say yuck to Mary.

But I don't like pizza. I don't like it either.

But you don't hear me say yuck to Mary.

Now apologize.

Sorry. No, that's okay.

It's all right.

Mary? Yeah?

It's really going so well considering... Oh, by the way, that thing about the

pizza, I didn't mean it. I was just trying to make a point.

Oh, okay.

Well, then...

And tell you what, you and I will have a pizza, and I'll fix Stevie a hamburger.

Oh, yeah, but I sort of really wanted you two to, uh... Well, I just wanted

tonight to be something special.

A cheeseburger?

Mary, I don't mean that. I just don't want you spending all night in the

kitchen. I really would like you two to get to know each other.

Hey, listen.

Stevie loves hockey.

Now, there's a restaurant called The Hockey Puck. It's run by an old goalie.

He comes to your table and shows you his scars.

Oh.

We'll have a terrific time.

Stevie will love you. And you'll love him.

I can.

I love kids.

And if you just let it happen, I'm sure Stevie and I are going to get along just

fine. Just, you know, I don't want to feel that I'm taking a test. Mary, a

I'm not giving you any test.

Anyway, what are you worrying about? You're passing. We're flying colors.

Hey, Stevie, guess what?

Your dad has a terrific idea.

Instead of having dinner here... The three of us are going to go to this

restaurant.

Hey, Stevie, would you put the comic book down, son?

Mary's trying to tell you something.

Well, I guess I said what it was that I had to say.

Mary?

It's really going better and better.

the right picture?

I'm not crazy about this one. I have sort of a faraway look.

Not far enough.

Hey, this is a great one.

See how I captured that thoughtful look like an idea just occurred to me?

You must have used a time exposure.

Come on, Lou.

Help me pick out the right pictures.

Hey, no, Ted, those pictures aren't bad. What'd they cost you? Nothing.

You're kidding.

No, I asked him, what do I owe you? And he said, just give me whatever you feel

like paying me.

Hey, does anybody know what's the matter with Mary today?

What do you mean?

Well, I just took her to lunch, and when I asked her what she wanted to eat, she

said, what's the difference?

Well, maybe she just wasn't hungry.

And then, right in the middle of her diet plate, she looked up at me and

you know something, Mary?

Life isn't a bowl of cherries.

Hey, that's pretty rough talk for Mary.

She does sound a little upset, but I wouldn't call it serious.

Well, Lou, I haven't told you the worst.

All during lunch, her blouse wasn't tucked in.

Mary untucked?

Yeah, and when I mentioned it to her, she left it untucked.

She's really upset.

Upset she's going to hell on a handcart.

Mary. Mr. Grant.

Your hair looks nice.

Thank you.

Yeah, what do you call the way you got it?

Combed? Yeah.

Yeah, suits you.

Thank you.

Hard as it is to believe, Mary, I've had my down days, too.

Ted, I'm going to be fine.

No, no, no, no, you can't be too sure, Mary.

I mean, sometimes you can't wait for these things to pass. You've got to get

there and fight them.

You know what my mom says?

Tears are the river that sweep away the mud of sadness.

I guess every mother in the whole world has said that at one time or another.

Did your mom ever say that to you, Mary?

No.

What did she say?

I don't know.

Brush your teeth.

Well, that's good, too.

See, the point my mom was trying to make was that if you let out your emotions,

it stops hurting.

So, Mary, why don't you put your pretty little chin on my shoulder and cry your

heart out?

Well, Ted, thank you. That's really very nice of you to want to help. It'll

really help you, Mary. No, I'm really not that upset.

If you're worried about tears falling on my $140 jacket, forget it.

No, Ted, it's not that. I want to do this for you, Mary. Ted, really, I'm

No.

Did it

make you feel any better, Mary?

No.

I know what it is.

You're afraid to open up to a man.

What you need is another woman.

I'm going to find you somebody that's warm, compassionate, and understanding.

Oh, Sue Ann.

See, would you do me a favor? Mary's really got the blouse. Would you stay

and help her until I find somebody that's warm and compassionate?

Sue Ann, I don't need any help.

I don't know why Ted finds it so hard to understand that there are things that

people just don't want to talk about sometimes.

I understand, dear.

What sort of things?

Sue Ann, I'm...

don't want to talk about it. Mary, you help everyone with his problems. You get

a lot of credit for it, too.

Affection, even.

Now, you must help me prove that I can be a giving, understanding, sympathetic

person like you.

If you don't, I'll turn on you like that.

Sue Ann, what are you doing?

I'm removing stubborn rust stains from your sink.

If you're going to snare him, you have to prove that you're a good homemaker

little Stevie.

Now, Sue Ann, why would I be interested in snaring him?

I mean, aren't we past that point? I mean, that whole idea that women are out

snare men?

I mean, Sue Ann, aren't we finally past that notion?

That's your mistake.

Why? Sue Ann, children are people. They have minds and interests and lives of

their own. Of course they do, dear.

But their lives are boring and their interests are dull.

I mean, what do they do at that age?

They scuff their shoes.

They wear out their clothes. They wipe their noses on their sleeves.

They're just marking time till puberty.

agree with that.

Steve, hi.

Hi. Where's your father?

He's coming from work. My Aunt Helen dropped me off.

Oh.

Well, Steve, I'd like you to meet Sue Ann Nivens.

She comes in twice a week to scour my stains.

Hello, Stevie. Would you like some cookies and milk?

No, I'm too old for cookies and milk.

Oh. How about some Fritos and a beer?

have to stay.

That's all right, dear. I haven't quite finished over there anyway. You and

Steve just go right on forging your relationship.

What are you reading there?

A comic book.

What's it about?

I don't know. That's why I'm reading it.

The Fantastic Blob.

Huh. Is he a good guy or a bad guy?

They don't give bad guys their own comics.

Right, of course, they don't. I should have realized that.

I used to like comic books when I was your age.

I used to love Wonder Woman. Do you know her?

Sure.

I used to love the way she'd ward off bullets with her golden bracelets.

Tea every month. I couldn't wait for the next issue to come out.

Oh, I remember this one story.

When Egg Fu, her arch enemy, had her trapped. in this giant mustache of

his. And he had her tied up in one end of the mustache and in the other end of

the mustache was her boyfriend.

Steve Trevor.

Right.

Well, anyway, just before Egg Fu was about to crush them both, Wonder Woman

worked her arm free and twirled her magic lasso around his head and she

it into a thousand pieces.

And the world was safe for democracy once again. I just thought it was

wonderful.

Do you like Wonder Woman?

No, she's too butch.

Well, another week, another $834 .67 after deductions.

And you earned every penny, Ted.

Not the dollars, just the pennies.

a couple of juicy scandals, and just enough disasters to be interesting

being depressing.

Good work, Murr.

Coming, Mayor?

Yep.

Well, I hope you have a good weekend.

Thanks, you too.

I got a big one planned.

Bree and I are going to look at a new car.

Oh, yeah? Where do you get it? Oh, I'm not. My neighbor got one.

We're going to pack a lunch and go look at it.

Go ahead.

Um, could I hang out with you for a little while?

Yeah.

Can, uh, can I get you anything?

I don't know. What do you have?

Oh, your luck.

I have a raspberry lifesaver. Oh, really?

Oh, wait. No, it's your last one.

I'll tell you what.

You take the last of the lifesavers, I'll take the last of the scotch.

Seems I'm getting the best of it.

You're not kidding.

That lifesaver is older than this scotch.

Am I

keeping you from anything?

Well, actually,

I had a poker game about five minutes.

Oh, well... No, no, no, no, no. That's all right. Finish your lifesaver.

Oh, Mr. Grant.

It's so safe in here, you know?

It's so crazy out there.

What's the trouble?

Well, I'm going with this guy, Ken.

And he's really terrific. You know, he's one of the best men I've met in a long

while. But he's got this blind spot about his son.

What's that?

He likes him.

And you don't? Oh, no, it's not that. Of course it is.

That's your whole problem, Mary.

You can't say something negative about anybody. You don't like the kid. You

can't say something negative.

Yes, I can.

Okay, Mary.

Say something negative about me.

about somebody.

I can't, too. Yeah, okay. Say something positive about me.

No, no, no.

No, no. I'm not going to say anything positive about you until you say

negative about me.

Come on. Come on.

All right.

I don't like the way you dress.

You wear baggy pants.

The tie is narrow. They haven't been wearing narrow ties.

Okay. You think my pants are baggy? No, no, no.

That's okay. That's okay. I asked you.

And I did it for a reason.

I think you should be that honest with the boy's father.

If you can do it with me, you can do it with him.

And believe me, he'll respect you.

Good judgment.

Good judgment.

About a lot of things.

I care what you think.

Thanks, Mr. Grant.

Or else why would I be so upset by your vicious remark about my pants?

No way. His Aunt Brenda took him to the movies.

This is going to be the biggest surprise of his life.

Well, Stevie's not back yet. Oh, good.

I brought the ice cream.

Mary, this is my ex -mother -in -law, Ethel Kendricks. Ethel, this is Mary

Richards. It's very nice to meet you.

Same here.

You know, it just occurred to me that this party might not be too comfortable

for you since I've invited so many of my ex -wife's family.

Oh, no, don't be silly. I've been really looking forward to meeting your ex

-wife's family.

Well, it won't be all that bad. After all, we all have something in common.

What? We all love Stevie.

Yeah, tough.

Tough not to love him. Such a wonderful kid, isn't he?

Don't you think?

He really is, isn't he?

Well... Stevie's not wonderful?

Well, Ken, here's what I think. I think that kids are people, you know,

and... Well, I don't know, maybe it's just a phase that Stevie's going through

right now, or maybe it's even a phase that I'm going through.

Hey, Mary, you sound like you don't even like Stevie.

Well, this is, you know, a very hard...

No, no, please, please say it. Okay, okay, I guess what I'm trying to say is

that even though I realize that things are going to get better, you know, and

that probably in a couple of days even I'm going to just love Stevie, right now

I just don't like Stevie.

Oh, excuse me.

I don't believe what I just heard.

You don't like a 12 -year -old boy?

That stinks.

Here we are. I hope we're not late.

Hi, I'm Stevie's Aunt Helen. Hi. Mary Richards.

She says she doesn't like Steve.

She doesn't like Stevie?

What kind of thing is that to say? Who invited her?

Jack, this woman doesn't like Stevie. What is she, some kind of a nut?

Well, I... What's the matter?

This one here says she doesn't like sleep.

Who is she?

Ken's girl.

Oh.

So you had to get divorced.

Well, you had a perfectly good wife who didn't hate your son.

What have you got against my grandson, you hussy?

Okay, okay, hold it. Hold it!

Let's get this straight.

Mary is somebody I care about.

Now, she may not feel the same way about Stevie that we all do, but that's her

opinion, and she's entitled to it, however wrong she is.

So I want everybody here to treat her with courtesy and respect and to make

feel welcome.

I'm so glad you could come.

It's really been pleasant.

I love your tan suit.

Let's have lunch sometime.

Well, this is the one I finally decided to go with.

Isn't it a great picture?

I call it Portrait of Ted Baxter.

Right, like Dorian Gray.

As the years go by, you're going to stay the same, but your picture's going to

get dumber.

No. I'm going to a funeral.