Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Okay, Phil, you and Lawrence have a wonderful trip.

And don't worry about Beth. I'll look after her.

Okay, bye -bye.

Phyllis and Lars taking a trip?

Yeah, for a whole month.

Oh, where are they going?

Well, she just said that they were going to search for America in the wake of

Watergate.

Gee, I hope they find it.

Newsroom?

Yes, just a minute, please. Mr. Grant, it's for you. Your roof repairman.

You stink.

I'm sorry, I didn't know he had a secretary.

Yeah, yeah, I'll hold.

Hello, Carl.

I just left a message with your secretary.

Why weren't you out there yesterday?

Well, be sure you get out there today.

You can't miss the house. It's the one with the rainbow in the living room.

Can you believe that? Somebody just told me I lost my cue card, boy.

Well, I'm going to let Lou have it.

He's in a terrible mood.

Well, maybe he feels a little better.

Then I'll let him have it.

I mean, how could he let him promote my cue card boy? He's the best cue card boy

I ever had.

But, Ted, it's not that hard to hold the cards. You'll find somebody good. I

mean, anybody can do it. Mary, if anybody could do it, I wouldn't have

last seven guys at this station alone.

There was one guy who moved his finger too fast.

This is Ted Baxter with the news.

There was one guy who moved it too slow. This is Ted Baxter.

the nervous guy.

This is it.

But Harvey, Harvey had the perfect finger.

I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it. I said, I'll get it.

Cha -cha, Charlie, the DJ who pays, answers Coleman at all.

Isn't this the radio station that gives away all the money?

Oh, well, who is it?

Lou, it's your plumber.

Lou, I'd like to talk to you as soon as you're feeling terrific.

Hello. Yeah.

When can you come?

What am I supposed to do till then?

Thanks a lot.

You feeling better now?

Now I need a plumber for my house.

What's wrong?

My grandson made a wonderful discovery over the weekend.

You cannot flush a banana.

You current boy to fix your toilet?

What? If we can keep him, I can get him to do it.

Boy, you're really having your troubles with that place, huh? Yeah.

You know, I really ought to get rid of that house once and for all.

You know, that's a great idea, Mr. Graham. Why don't you just sell it and

apartment? Okay.

Okay. Well, you said sell it. I'll sell it. Yeah, but I didn't mean... I mean,

you know, I figured you'd sort of think about it. you know, kind of ruminate and

sort of in the spring, maybe.

What's bothering you?

Well, I don't want to be responsible for changing your life.

Well, then don't go around telling people to sell their houses.

Lou, do you feel any better now that you're out of your house? What do you

Ted? It's about my cue card, boy, Lou.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Mary, hire somebody to do idiot cards for Ted.

Don't call them idiot cards.

I resent that. They're called cue cards.

I'm sorry, Ted. Mary, hire somebody to do cue cards for the idiot.

Hello, hello. Hiya, Beth.

Don't you love this new lipstick?

Oh, my.

That is interesting.

But why would you want purple lips?

Well, to match these.

Aunt Mary, how would you feel about giving me some slack on my curfew? Oh,

sorry, Bess. Your mother said 10 .30 and not a minute later. But I'm 16 years

old. But, Bess, that has nothing to do with it.

Yeah, you're right.

Lars is 52 and Phyllis won't let him stay out past 10 .30.

I got some lamb chops. I hope you're hungry.

You cooked last night. Why don't you let me handle dinner tonight? Why should

you do all the work? Yeah, right.

Okay, you want to handle dinner? Go.

Terrific.

Do you like plain pizza or pepperoni?

Plain.

Hi, this is Beth Lindstrom.

We'd like a plain medium to go.

I'm one flight up from my place.

Right, thanks a lot.

It's the worst pizza ever, but they get it here in a flash.

Look at that face, Mary. I bet you were just eating a popsicle, weren't you?

Would you like a drink?

Yeah, thanks.

I don't mind my stopping by. The real estate agent is showing a house again. I

don't want to be there.

Why not?

I'm getting a little tired of him pointing to me and saying, try to

living room without him.

Something like this would be real nice.

I just want one room.

I don't want to rattle around in seven rooms.

I want cozy.

Hey, Rhoda's place is empty.

Uh, Beth, uh, it isn't cozy.

I could look at it. Yeah, but it's locked.

It's not cozy and it's locked.

And Phyllis has the key and she's in Las Vegas. And, uh, you certainly don't

want to fly all the way to Las Vegas to get the key, do you?

I'll be glad to go downstairs.

Uh, Beth, dear.

Can I see you in the kitchen for just a minute? There's something I want to show

you how to work.

Okay.

Mr. Grant, what I was going to say is I have an extra key downstairs if you want

to look at it. Uh, Beth, you... What do you want to show me how to work? This.

Beth, uh, I'm not sure that you're the right person for me to talk to about

this, but...

Even though Mr. Grant and I are really good friends, I just don't want him

living one flight above me. I understand.

You do?

You don't think it's crummy of me to keep him from an apartment he might like

just because I'm concerned about my privacy?

No, I think everything you do is wonderful.

Boy, Beth, maybe you are the right person for me to be talking to about

I want to keep my home my home and the office the office, you know? Yeah, it

makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, Beth, no doubt about it. but you were the right one for me to talk to.

I can tell Mr. Grant I can't find the key.

No, no, I don't want you to lie to him.

Well, then why don't you just tell him you don't want him to move in?

Because I find it very difficult to say no to people I'm close to.

Hey, um, about my 10 .30 curfew, couldn't you... No.

I'll take it.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

I'll take it.

Don't you think it's a little small?

Right, I like small.

The smaller the place, the smaller the problems.

But you have seven rooms of furniture.

Well, I can get rid of some of it, and the rest of it I can put on rollers.

On rollers?

Yeah. That way I can bunch up the stuff I'm not using on that side and wheel

what I need to this side.

Wheel in the dining room, wheel out the living room.

You have wheels on your bed?

Wheels? Yeah, wheels.

You have them on your bed.

I don't need wheels on my bed, Mr. Grant. I never go anywhere in my bed.

Nice storage space.

Nice kitchen.

Did you see the closet space?

Did you see how small it is? I mean, Rhoda used to say it's so small that

is perfect for me.

Perfect? Yeah. Mary, it's not only good for you, it's good for me.

How? How is it good for me?

Let's face it.

We both live alone.

And this way, we don't have to worry about getting lonely.

Now, if you get lonely, you can just knock on my door and say, hey, you feel

like a beer?

Now, if you have to live next to me, you'd get sick of me.

Oh, Mr.

Grant, I wouldn't say that. Being around me 24 hours a day, you'd get sick of

me. Oh, Mr.

Grant. Hey, I'm not the easiest guy to get along with.

I can be pretty difficult. In fact, I can be a real pain in the neck.

You'd get sick of me.

Mr. Grant, I would not get sick of you.

Okay, I'll take it.

Come

in.

Hey, Mary, can I see if your TV's working? I'm having trouble with mine. I

know if it's the set or the aerial. Yeah, sure.

How's it going up there?

Settling in all right? Yeah, I really like it up there.

Although I am thinking of scraping the paint off the walls.

Yeah, I didn't think that was your color.

Oh, it's not that. It's just that I think I could use the extra space.

Yeah, your picture's fine. It must be my set.

I'll go watch a football game at the bar.

Oh, well, listen, Mr. Grant, if you have something to watch, please stay and

watch it here. I have a date anyway.

No, no, I don't think that's a good idea, Mary.

I think it's important, with you and me living this close, that we respect each

other's privacy as much as possible. I don't want to impose on you. Oh, but Mr.

Grant, come on, you're not imposing.

Don't be silly.

Watch it.

Oh, all right, if you're sure you don't mind.

I'm sure.

Hi, hi. Hi, Mr. Grant. Hiya. Hi, Baz. You want to watch a football game with

No, thanks. I like real life better.

Let's compromise.

How's 11 .30?

Thanks, Mr. Greger and Angel.

Oh, David, I had a terrific evening.

Thanks. So did I.

Would you like to come in for some coffee?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, Mary.

Could I ask you a personal question?

Yeah.

Who's that man sleeping on your couch?

Oh, Mr. Grant.

Who's Mr. Grant?

My boss.

What kind of work did you say you do?

Mr. Grant.

Mr. Grant.

I can't wake it. Here, let me try.

Mr. Grant.

Mr. Grant.

Mr. Grant.

I did? When he woke you up.

Oh, I'm sorry. I must have been dreaming about the war.

Where did I get you? Just south of Anseal.

Listen, Mary, I think I'd better go home.

I'm sorry. It was an accident.

I know, I know.

It was an accident.

But you don't just sneak up on a person who's been in a war, a world war.

I once got a medal for being awakened by a German.

Well, it has been 30 years, Mr. Grant. I figured you'd been rehabilitated.

Well, all right. You know, just between you and me, that guy can't take it. Your

date's got a glass gut.

Well, you know I always fall asleep watching television.

No, I don't know that. How would I know that?

Okay, well, I always fall asleep watching television.

What you don't seem to realize here, Mr. Grant, is that you ruined my evening. I

don't think I did. I might have ruined his evening.

I didn't ask to watch television here. You invited me. I invited you to watch

television, not to fall asleep on my couch. But you know I always fall asleep

the couch in front of the television set. I told you I don't...

Mr. Grant, we ought to get something straight.

What? At the office, you're my boss, but here at home, you're not.

You understand that?

Sure I understand.

I not only understand, I'm going home.

Good.

You know what's wrong, Mary?

You make what happened here tonight sound all bad.

I beg your pardon?

All right. You may be annoyed.

You may be upset.

You may be angry.

But tell me this.

Are you lonely?

Lonely? No, I am not lonely.

There you go.

And I'm sick and tired of not being appreciated.

Harry, what did you do?

How could you make a mistake like that?

What mistake?

The new cue card boy.

Didn't you realize she was a girl?

Yes, Ted, I did.

about that during the interview.

But anybody knows it's not a girl's job.

That's why they call it a cue card boy.

Ted, give me a break.

I really, I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm very upset and I'm way behind

on my work. I just, I can't cope with it right now, okay?

Oh, yeah?

Well, maybe Lou would want to talk about it. Good, good. I wish you would. Do

that.

Oh, come on, Mary. Have a heart.

I can't work with a girl cue card boy.

It's too thin.

I like it bold because I say it bold.

All right, Ted. I'll ask her to print boldly. And there's something else, too.

I don't feel right, you know, when I make certain kind of jokes during the

commercial break when the girls are around.

Well, Ted, if you don't feel right, then don't make them.

I have to.

They keep the little people relaxed.

Keep them sort of loose, you know? I need a loose crew, Mary.

Ted?

If you don't have a loose foo, nobody does.

Oh, say, Lou.

Lou. What is this? What is this above the letter I? A dot or a circle? A

You see what I mean, Mary?

All right, so it's a circle, not a dot.

I want dots over my eyes, Mary.

Dots. And that's why Ted thinks we need a new cue card person.

Ted's the one who has to read the cue cards. If he's not satisfied, there

be a change.

He's right.

Why are you staring at me like that, Ted?

I'm trying to figure the angles.

What angle?

Well, I figure you're telling me I'm right so that I'll get happy.

Then you can make a fool of me. That's it, isn't it?

That's not it.

You agree with Ted?

Sure. He agrees with me. He really does.

Lou, if it's a joke, make a fool of me now. It wouldn't be nice to wait later.

He really agrees with me.

Mary, has the weather bulletin come in yet?

Why? I have a strange feeling that hell just froze over me.

Who is it?

Mary. Mary who?

Mr. Grant, I have to talk to you.

Mary, we're in the office now. You can't just barge in here like some kind of

neighbor.

You want to say something?

But you're having trouble starting, right?

Right. I know. Starting is always the hard part.

Now, would it help you if I started? Would that help?

I don't know. Yes, it probably would make it a little easier.

All right, I'll start.

What?

Mr. Grant, you don't really agree with Ted.

You're just taking his side because you're upset over what happened at home.

Home? Home?

Didn't we agree to separate our home relationship from our office

Yes. And where are we now?

In the office. In the office, right.

And in the office, we take a pretty dim view of our people hanging out until all

hours of the night and then breezing into work whenever they feel like it.

Grant, that's not why I was late. I was late because I was upset over what

happened last night. And you know I can't sleep when I'm upset.

I don't know that.

I was just about going to tell the guys on the crew how you said I was right

about the cue card girl, but then I figured that was the joke.

That you'd wait until I told the guys on the crew, and then you'd pull the old

rug out from under Ted. Well, I just came here to tell you that I'm not

for it.

Ted, if you'd like to know what's happening here, Mr. Grant is taking your

because he's upset over something that happened at home.

Oh, no, I'm not buying that, because if that's a joke... That would be the

perfect thing to say to convince me that it wasn't.

Mr. Grant, I don't think you and I have anything further to say to each other. I

mean, I know that I don't. Oh, yes, you do.

Yes, you do.

You want to tell me that you want me to move out of Rhoda's apartment.

Oh, yes, Mr. Grant, I guess I do.

She left because she couldn't keep a straight face, right?

Come here, Ted.

Closer.

I'm going to pretend to be asleep.

Well, I guess that's it. You want a sign here?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Thank you.

I wish everyone had sense enough to put everything on rollers.

The new place all ready to move into?

Uh -huh. Mr. Grant, couldn't we talk about this?

Uh -uh.

Mr. Grant, I've been trying to talk to you for the last week.

You keep rumbling by saying no comment, like I was from a Washington Post or

something.

There's nothing to talk about.

We tried and it didn't work out.

I'm sorry.

There's nothing to be sorry about.

Nobody's to blame.

That's the way things happen.

And you're not angry with me anymore?

No, no, no.

It was just one of those things.

You know, it's hard to leave this place.

I'm used to it here.

We were only here for two weeks.

I know, but it seems like three or four.

times here, didn't we, Mary?

We sure did.

Great times.

Where did we go wrong, Mary?

Oh, I don't know.

Mr. Grant, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Well, one thing you have to admit about us living next to each other like this,

It sure wasn't lonely.

It sure wasn't.

You know, Mary, loneliness is vastly underrated.

Goodbye, Mary.

Goodbye, Mr. Grant.

I'm going to miss you, Mary.

Oh, I'm going to miss you, too.

See you in the office tomorrow.

Right.

You

know,

Mary, I was thinking about that business with the cue card girl.

You do whatever you want, never mind about Ted.

Thanks, Mr. Grant. I know she's going to work out just fine.

Hey, how's the new apartment?

Oh, terrific.

Sherby's living in a house.

Yesterday, my grandson came to visit me again. Yeah.

Tried to flush another banana.

And all I had to do was phone for the janitor. Within five minutes, he came

upstairs and he brought me a brand new banana.

Hi, Lou. Hi, Mary.

Hi. What are you so happy about, Chad? Well, I was just telling all the guys in

the studio how you took my side over Mary's.

Yeah, Ted, about that.

I knew it.

No, no.

I knew it.

I knew you were going to do this to me. I knew you were going to play this trick

on me. You're a cruel man, Lou Grant. You're cruel, vicious, and you're sick.