Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all

You're gonna make it after

1 ,000 new shows we've done together.

Right. And, Mr. Grant, I just want to say I have enjoyed every single one of

them. Me, too.

Give or take 800 or 900.

Only you could have figured out exactly when you did your 1 ,000th show.

How'd you do it? Oh, it was really easy.

I mean, I've been doing the show for four years and a week. I get two weeks

vacation a year. We do the show five days a week, so that makes 250 shows a

year. So four years and one week would make 1 ,005 shows.

But... I checked with personnel and I found that I've been out sick with a

four days. And there was that one day that I went to Chicago for the

So tonight is my exactly 1 ,000th show.

I'm glad I asked.

How about that time there was a power failure at the transmitter and we

out?

except it was open. I had to say, knock, knock. Right.

Come on in.

Knock, knock, Lou.

The door was open. I didn't want to walk in without knocking.

I don't know what's gotten into Ted tonight. He's just full of oil and

Mary, this is my friend Judith Chandler. Judith, this is Murray Richard. Hi,

Judith. Hi, Mary.

It's nice of you to have me. Oh, happy 1 ,000.

Oh, well, actually, it's my 999.

be a good chance for her to meet people.

In fact, Ted and I brought her here hoping she might hit it off with Mr.

They have so much in common.

I mean, they both got dumped.

Well, that's very nice, Georgette, but Mr.

Grant is seeing someone kind of regularly.

Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah.

Do you want me to get her out?

No, no, it's fine.

Hey, Lou.

I want you to meet Judith Chandler.

Judith?

Hey,

hold it, Lou.

I want to tell Judy here about the man she just met.

Now, Lou may not be as young as some guys are.

And he may be a little overweight.

He may not look like much.

But he makes a bundle.

Say, listen, maybe it'll be hard for you to break the ice. Do you want me to

stick around and help?

No, that won't be necessary.

So,

what do you do for a living?

I'm the principal of Thoreau Junior High School.

Principal? Oh, really? That sounds great.

Oh, have you two met yet? Yes, we have.

Well, you both better forget it.

Georgette, I'm fine.

Murray, would you mind talking to my friend Judas until I can find her

interesting?

I didn't mean that you weren't interesting, Murray. I meant interesting

Well, I know everybody here. It could be a long wait.

The only people I know here are Georgette and Ted.

Well, before I say the wrong thing, how well do you know Ted?

at our junior high school. How was he? It's the first time that 2 ,000 junior

high school kids have ever been urged to quit school and hook up with a radio

station in Fresno, California.

Excuse me, Murray.

You're wasting the whole party.

If you don't make a connection pretty soon, you're gonna go home empty

Well, fortunately, I've lined somebody else up for you.

Well, I'd like to stay here with Murray, if you don't mind.

Oh, I don't mind.

I'd love it.

You wouldn't think it was rude of me if I... if I left this moment? No, no, no,

no, no.

Oh.

Marie, Marie, Marie, Marie.

So, Mr. Grant, how'd you enjoy my party last night?

Not so hot.

Well, that's... the most you've ever enjoyed one of my parties.

You'll never guess who really got my goat last night.

Ted. Right.

Usually nothing he says bothers me.

But when he introduced me to that girl, the one who was with Murray all evening?

Yeah. He said a lot of things about my looks.

Well, that sort of bothered me.

Oh, Mr. Grant, how can you let that bother you?

You're a very attractive man.

Me?

It just might surprise you to know that women talk.

And women find you very attractive.

Me? Yeah.

Talking about a lug like me being, in any way, sexy.

Murray and Judith, Murray and Judith.

Is there anything like it, I ask you?

Anything like what?

Oh, come on, Lou, you get the drift.

Murray and Judith at Mary's party?

Do I have to spell it out for you?

A love -o at first sight -o.

Some guys got it and some guys don't.

Mr. Grant wasn't interested in meeting anyone new.

Oh, sure, ma 'am. Stick up for the boss.

Murray, we're simply talking. There is nothing going on. Oh, sure.

And it don't rain in Indianapolis in the summertime.

Morning. Morning.

Morning.

Good morning.

Now, come on, Murr.

We have been waiting here...

We want to know what kind of a night it was.

Ed, Murray doesn't have to tell anybody anything.

Just because his wife wasn't at the party last night and he spent four hours

talking to a recently divorced woman and then drove her home alone after the

party. Tell him, Murr.

There's a little bug buzzing around him.

And it's going to bite you, Murray.

What? What are you talking about, Ted? I love bug, Murray.

It's going to bite you. Ted, will you buzz off?

Sure, Murray.

Murray, when you order office supplies, add a giant can of Raid.

conversation with a woman at a party. Oh, come on, Murr. You know Ted. He

things up way out of proportion.

She has this piano she wants to sell. I'm interested in buying a piano.

I remember Maria and I have been wanting to get a piano for a couple of years

now. Now I make it Judith's.

It was all perfectly innocent.

Oh, boy.

Say, Mary, you don't have to answer this, but, well, do you think there was

anything wrong in my talking to Judith at that party last night?

Or am I asking her to have lunch with me today?

No. Or am I not telling her that I was married?

Mary, like I said, you don't have to answer.

Oh, well, I just don't believe it. 4 .30 and Murray is still not back for lunch?

Doesn't he know we have a show to get on the air?

You know, it's fascinating.

Here in Minneapolis, St. Paul, it's 4 .30 and we're hard at work.

In New York, it's... The cocktail hour.

The lights are beginning to twinkle in the great wide way.

And in London, smartly dressed theater goers are strolling down the strand for

late supper at the Savoy.

And in Tokyo, it's tomorrow.

Actually, tomorrow.

Do you realize there are people alive here in Minneapolis who are already dead

in Tokyo?

One or two news stories. News stories come and go.

I mean, something is happening all the time.

What the hell, Lou?

Boy, if this doesn't take the ever -loving cake.

Boy, I've heard everything.

Comes in here cursing like a sailor.

You're in trouble, boy. Deep trouble.

Too bad.

What do you mean?

What? Why?

I've been a newsman for 30 years. I've sobered up guys who were drunk on

everything from scotch to aftershave lotion.

But never once in my life have I had to sober up anyone who was drunk on Pouy

Fousey.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know whether to give him black coffee or cheese.

Mary, I had a great lunch.

I may have just had the greatest lunch and the entire history of lunch.

What did you have?

An experience.

We went to this wonderful little French restaurant.

Oh, we talked and talked about everything.

You know, I told her about all the things I want to do with my life, all

stuff that's hard to talk about.

And she listened, Mary.

She listened.

She thinks I'm cute.

You know, the last time anybody said I was cute, I was.

Listen,

you know that you're my very dear friend.

But Marie is my friend, too.

And I'd just hate to see this thing with you and Judith turn into a cheap

affair.

Hey.

You think it could?

Come in.

Lou, you got a second?

Sure.

Look, I'm sorry about this afternoon.

Oh, hey, these things happen. I've gotten sloshed like that plenty of times

myself.

I've got a problem, Lou.

No, no, look.

Would you put that back, please? My stomach is still a little queasy.

It's about Judith and me.

Say, Lou. Oh, sorry.

Is this business or personal?

Personal.

kind of getting close together kind of talk. I can dig it.

So, what are we... What are we rapping about?

Murray's love life?

Ted, there is no love life.

You see, Lou, that's my problem.

Nothing...

Nothing's

happening. And I really don't want anything to happen.

Strangely enough, I keep feeling I'm missing something.

I keep feeling that I'm missing a chance to experience a part of life that will

never come again.

Say, Murray, I know exactly what you're talking about.

I mean, sometimes at home at night lying in bed, I go crazy thinking about how

much there is out there.

How much to do, how much to see.

And I live on a quiet block.

Listen, Murray.

It's not the things you do in life that you regret. It's the things you don't

do.

I mean, in my whole life, I have only one regret, that on January 8th, 1964, I

said to Holly Holmberg, I'm too busy tonight, I'll see you tomorrow.

Don't worry, there was no tomorrow.

The carnival moved on.

Gee, sir, it's kind of touching.

I'll say.

That's the last shot I'll ever get at a trapeze artist.

something good.

Don't mess it up. I know, Lou.

I mean, I've been happily married for 18 years.

I mean, why do I want to start fooling around now?

Listen, Murray, anybody who's been married 18 years and hasn't fooled

isn't normal.

Ted, I was married 26 years and never fooled around.

Oh, 26 years, but not 18.

I mean, I don't understand myself, Lou. I mean, what I have is wonderful.

Why do I want something that's different?

Can I interrupt?

Let me put it on terms you can understand.

Let's say you're the Minnesota Vikings.

And every time you play the Green Bay Packers, it's a great game.

But that doesn't mean that's the only team you want to play.

You don't want to play them every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Any little Chicago Bears?

City Chiefs?

New Houston Oilers?

I get your point, Ted.

You not only made your point, you've listed the entire schedule of the

away games.

You gonna see her again?

No, that's the thing.

She invited me up to her apartment tonight.

Her apartment?

Her apartment?

Well, end of discussion.

Look, she wants to sell me her piano. Her piano?

In her apartment, after hours, after work?

End of discussion.

Look, I need a piano.

Larry, take it from me. You don't want to play the piano.

You want to play the Houston Oilers.

So, Lou, I mean, what do you think?

Shall I go?

apartment or not?

No.

That's it?

You want a debate? Go to William Buckley. You want an answer? I gave you

Okay.

Well, I'd better get going.

I told Marie I'd be home at 11.

Already it's 7 .15.

You're going there anyway, huh?

Yeah.

All right.

But just remember, you start something tonight.

You won't just be doing something you'll regret the rest of your life.

You're going to be doing something a lot worse.

You're going to be following Ted's advice.

I'm sorry to bother you, Mary, but when Ted called, I got so upset.

He said Murray is having Judith on the side.

Oh, no.

No, Murray and Judith had lunch.

I feel so guilty I was the one that introduced them. I'll never be able to

Murray's wife in the face again.

Gee, I didn't know that you even knew Murray. I don't, and now I never will.

Georgette, nothing's going to happen.

Murray's just going through a stage. He's wondering if women find him

attractive.

Why doesn't he just do what Ted does?

Stop them and ask them.

Hiya, ma 'am. Oh, hi, Georgette.

told you you're an attractive man?

Because you are, you know, you're a very attractive man.

Nice. That ought to do it.

Mayor,

you said I could talk to you any time.

Yeah, right.

Oh, look, do you have a time?

Ten to nine.

Oh, I thought it was a little slow. I want to be home by eleven.

Oh. Yeah.

See, I'm going to stop at Judith's apartment and look at a piano on the way

home.

So what do you think?

Hey, Murr, don't do this to me. Why?

I think you want some kind of permission, and you're just not going to

Coffee will be ready in a minute.

Although why an attractive man like you needs coffee?

Oh, I know what I have to ask you. Have either one of you seen this thing?

I did.

Oh, what's it about?

It's wonderful.

Paul Newman and Robert Redford.

No, the plot. Just describe the plot.

Well, they're sort of con men. Con men, right.

Hey, Murr.

Why do you want her to describe the plot when it's playing right down the street

and you could be sitting there, what?

Oh, Murray.

I don't understand why you said, oh, Murray.

Just because he wants to know the plot of the movie in case somebody should ask

him?

Oh, Murray.

Everybody's finding out about me and I haven't even done anything yet.

Excuse me, I'm going to the kitchen.

I don't think you want to discuss this in mixed company.

Mary, don't you see?

I mean, I got to go there tonight to find out what I'm going to do when I get

there. Hey, Murr.

Look, you and I have known each other a long time, right? A long time.

And we respect each other? We respect each other.

And you know I'm not the kind of person to butt in. Oh, never. You never butt

in. And I don't go in for little psychological insights into people, you

never do that, right? I know. Good.

Until now.

Check.

Murray, it is just...

If you wanted to see Judith, you would not be standing here chatting with me at

9 o 'clock.

9 o 'clock?

It's 9 o 'clock? Look, I'll see you, Mayor.

Where's Murray going in such a hurry? He's going to buy a piano.

There must be some sale.

Here you are.

Well, I see that's the piano, I suppose.

No, that's a copy.

I keep the real one in my safe.

Hey, this is fun.

It looks like a great piano.

Why don't I just go over and give it a dry run?

It's been in my family for years.

I learned my first Chopin Nocturne on this piano, my first Bach Prelude, my

first Beethoven Sonata.

It's a nice tone.

Well, I don't really play really, you know. I just fool around.

It's not bad for fooling around, either.

Strangers in the night Exchanging glances Strangers in the

night Exchanging glances Strangers in the night

Exchanging glances

Strangers in the night

Just generally. Oh, in the general vicinity?

Yeah. I was thinking about $3 ,000.

$3 ,000?

That's... Nice.

Good.

Let's drink to that. Okay.

Oh, that's funny. You get sparks from the rug.

Maybe it's not the rug.

Oh, no. No, I've been on rugs before. You get plenty of sparks.

Judith?

Do you think you'll come down a couple of hundred dollars on the piano?

Well, sure.

Okay.

How about $2 ,500?

Hey, terrific. That's great.

I'll make up the deposit.

Murray, we don't have to discuss the piano tonight.

Oh, I know.

Sure.

Hey, it's 10 after 10.

That's right. It's 10 after 10. So what?

Well, see, this is the thing.

I've got to be home by 11.

How far do you live?

Too far.

But look, Judith, I want you to know that I think you're terrific.

Murray, it's all right. I understand. You don't have to explain. Yeah, but I

want to explain. No, it's ten after ten.

Well, that's all right. I've got about five minutes left.

Now, look, I want you to know that, well, I'm sorry that you wasted your

evening.

Oh, I died.

Consider it a wasted evening.

No? No.

I've been trying to unload that lousy piano for years.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Hey, you know, I came here tonight because I wanted to find out what I

when I got here.

And I want to thank you.

Because it's going to be nice going home knowing this is what I did.

That's it, Mayor.

That's all that happened.

Oh, Mayor, I'm glad everything worked out. But listen, you don't have to come

all the way over here to tell me. No, that's okay, Mayor. It's only a quarter

eleven.

So everything's fine, huh?

Yeah, everything's fine.

I just have one little problem.

What's that?

Well, I don't know how to explain to Marie that I bought a piano while I was

watching The Sting.