Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

What's good about having to come to work at 8 o 'clock in the morning?

I didn't even have time for coffee.

Oh, well, no, you shouldn't do that. You know what they say.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Yeah, because if you're not home by then, your wife gets very suspicious.

So what do you want at 8 o 'clock in the morning?

Boy, Lou's got some nerve calling a meeting this early.

What's it all about?

We don't know.

It's time to read the newspaper.

How am I supposed to know what's going on in the world?

It's all right, Ted.

Mary Worth has decided to adopt the baby herself.

Well, you look at this.

I was so sleepy getting dressed, I put on one brown sock and one blue sock.

Well, I wouldn't worry about it, Ted. You probably have another pair just like

them at home.

What do you want? It's eight in the morning.

That's funny.

Morning. Okay, meeting. Everyone in my office. Oh, say, Lou, wait a second.

Look, I, uh, look at this. I got one brown sock.

Why aren't you worried?

Because each of these socks is from a pair of socks, and I've got one like

of them back home.

Mary's joke.

All right, everybody listen. What I have to say is pretty important.

And I'd rather say it first. Then if you have any questions, we can... What is

it, Ted?

What are these donuts you brought? They're four plain and only two jelly.

Okay, okay, we'll do it this way.

Producer, get plain.

Ted. Producer, get the jelly. We'll go by rank.

Settle that later, Ted. Settle it later. This is important.

All right.

For the past three years, our ratings have been week in and week out

terrible. But lately, they've started to slip.

that I'm getting slipshod and I'm losing my touch?

I mean, if that's what you mean, why don't you come right out and say it?

You've gone downhill, you've gotten slipshod, and you've lost the touch.

Come on, Lou, be serious.

Mr. Grant, don't you think there's a little too much emphasis placed on

anyway? Who cares if our ratings go down a few points?

Right, as long as the people keep watching.

The sponsor cares.

To a station our size...

A single rating point could mean as much as $125 ,000 in added revenue.

Wow, $125 ,000. So naturally, we've got to do something to improve our rating.

I'll say a quarter of a million bucks.

I think we

need some fresh ideas.

So, starting today, I'm bringing in a consultant.

His title will be Program Coordinator.

And it'll be his job to see if he can find out what our problems are...

and solve them.

I expect that you'll give him your full cooperation.

Any questions?

Uh, Lou. Ted.

The next time you have a meeting, could you order all jellies?

That's all.

Uh, Mary, would you stay for a second?

Sure.

You're probably wondering, what with bringing in this program coordinator,

the chain of command will be around here.

Well, yeah, Mr. Grant, it's only human for me to wonder, you know, what his

authority will be in relation to my, you know, authority.

Will I be giving orders to him, or will he be giving orders to me? That's what I

wanted to talk to you about. There aren't going to be any orders around

He's only here to make suggestions, and he's going to make them to everybody.

He's going to make them to Murray, he's going to make them to you.

He's even going to make them to me.

Okay, let's see. The only difference is I don't have to take them.

Now, I'll tell you why I asked you to come here.

I've been thinking about this new guy that Lou's going to bring in.

I just don't like the idea of a total stranger coming in here and telling me

doing a lousy job.

Yeah, you've got plenty of friends who would tell you that.

Hiya, Georgette.

a new pair of blue socks.

I couldn't find any store that sells just one.

Sit down, George. We're having a meeting here. There's a crisis in the newsroom.

That's why Mary and Murray are here.

Isn't it funny how in a crisis everybody turns to you? Whenever something goes

wrong, people head straight for this dressing room.

Ted, there's no crisis. This program coordinator is just coming here to help

I don't know, Mayor. Ted could be right.

I've heard about these guys.

They try to make a big splash by firing people.

Fire someone?

Oh, you mean a little person, don't you? A secretary, something like that? I

mean, he wouldn't fire a star, would he?

Ted, he's not going to come to that.

Well, in case it does, let's just make up our minds about one thing. We stick

together. Now, if he tries to fire you, Mary, I'll quit. Okay, and if he fires

you, I'll quit. And if he tries to fire me...

Come on, guys, if he fires me, I'll give you a reference.

He's not coming here to fire anyone.

He's coming here to help us raise the ratings, and that's a tough job.

So I think the least we can do is be nice to him and cooperate.

Well, all right, I'll be nice to him, and I'll cooperate.

But I'll tell you one thing, I'm not afraid of him, and I'm not going to

to him in no way, shape, or form, even if he can't fire me.

Come in.

I want you to meet our new program coordinator, Bob Larson. Bob, this is

Baxter, Murray Slaughter, Mary Richards, and this is Georgette Franklin, Ted's

girlfriend. But if you want to take her out sometime, it's okay with me.

Oh, no.

Not another memo from Bob.

This must be the tenth one this week. Yeah, I've had ten today.

What's the latest?

He wants me to order more memo pads.

Mary, I am getting fed up with someone two years out of journalism school

telling me how to improve my copy.

Keep sentences short and snappy. No more humorous fillers. We drop humorous

fillers the day I find a wedding between two 80 -year -old nudists.

Murray, how long can it last?

I give it till the first frost.

concerned it's gone on too long already.

Oh, Mary, I've just been looking over your rundown for tonight and I think we

should lose this story about student riots in India. Lose it?

But Bob, that's our opening story.

No, I want you to open with this film of an actual purse snatching on 4th

Street.

You think a purse snatching is more important than a riot?

If it happens in St. Paul, yes.

You see, our audience doesn't care about a bunch of students rioting in India.

But there are two million of them. And that's just the sophomore class.

Mary, I know it isn't easy for you to accept criticism from someone who's

probably ten years younger than you. But what I'm doing... What I'm doing is

based on pretty solid research.

Well, Bob, in the first place...

Not that it's important, but I doubt that you're ten years younger than I am.

I'm 24.

And in the second place, what research... Viewer research. You see,

that people who watch local shows want local news.

Trust me. Lead with the person after.

Lou?

Boy, am I steamed.

Did you see this memo that I got? Ted, don't take so many long pauses between

news items.

Who does he think he is telling me how to do the news?

You don't think my pauses are too long, do you? Of course not, Ted. I think your

pauses are the best part of the show.

Thanks, Murr.

Oh, you're getting them too, eh?

What this show needs is more film and less Ted Baxter.

Oh, this guy's gone too far, Mary. You've got to talk to Lou about it. All

right, Ted, look. He's making some changes in the show that some of us

like. But who's to say he's not right?

I mean, he's only been here two weeks. It's too soon to tell.

Well, I can tell. We're all filming unless Ted Baxter.

If you're not going to talk to Lou, I am.

Terrific idea, Bob.

Terrific. Yeah, Bob, you're doing a great job.

Let's see.

Where did I put that? I was in the... Oh, Mary, one other thing.

Those little poems the weatherman's been doing at the end of the forecast, let's

lose them.

Oh, Bob, those little poems are his favorite part of the show.

He spends all day writing those poems.

He spends all day writing cover -up, put -on galoshes, the storm tomorrow will

make you nauseous. All right, all right. One of his better efforts, but... Gee,

I hate to hurt his feelings. I can't worry about hurt feelings. I'm here to

the ratings up, not to make friends.

This isn't a popularity contest, Mary.

Oh, Murray, how am I going to tell a guy I have to cut his favorite part of the

show? How about...

Though your poems to some may bring enjoyment, write one more and you're on

unemployment.

All right, people.

The day when the news department can ride roughshod over the other shows is

past. Sue Ann. Don't interrupt, dear. That program coordinator of yours has

doing promos for your news on my show.

Your audio, Mary, over my video.

Picture this, if you will, Mary.

A tight... close -up on my bordelaise sauce, simmering and succulent, while a

voice says, sewer explodes, details at six.

Now, that just isn't fair, Mary. Why should you be using my show to help your

show? Well, Bob says that the ratings of a news show directly affect the ratings

of other shows around it.

Let me understand this. You mean I could work my fingers to the bone creating a

salade niçoise that is a rhapsody.

But if Murray... No offense, dear. This is purely hypothetical.

If Murray writes a lousy headline, I go down the toilet?

Well, that's about the size of it.

Well, Mary, there's just one little problem.

I've been watching your show, and what that so -called expert is doing isn't

helping one bit.

In fact, quite the opposite.

You know, I agree with him, Mayor.

I think these changes are hurting the show.

Look, maybe you should go in and talk to Luke. Oh, look, I don't like some of

his ideas any more than you do.

But you know, he might be just what we need.

He's bright. He's knowledgeable.

He's hardworking. He's 24.

I'm going to go talk to Mr. Bright.

Sure.

Well, it's about Bob Larson. I just... I don't think it's working out.

Everyone out there is really unhappy. I mean, morale has never been lower. And

in my opinion, it's all beginning to affect the show.

Mary, how would you feel if I told you that our ratings for the

past two weeks had gone up an entire point?

Our ratings went up an entire point. I didn't say that.

I said, how would you feel if I told you they'd gone up an entire point?

Well, I guess I'd feel a little foolish.

Just a little foolish?

Did the ratings really go up? I didn't say that.

I said, if they went up an entire point.

Well, I guess I'd feel very foolish.

I see.

Very.

That's how you feel if I told you the ratings had gone up a point. They went

didn't they? I didn't say that.

I just said, how would you feel if I told you they had gone up? All right,

Grant, I would feel extremely foolish.

I would feel foolish.

I would feel dumb, ridiculous, and, yes, silly.

The ratings went up a point, Mary.

Newsroom?

Well, thank you very much. It's always very nice to hear that from our viewers.

Goodbye. That's better. Short and snappy.

You know something, Murray? I still might not agree with some of Bob's

but boy, it sure feels good to be a winner. You can say that again.

You know, yesterday I opened a charge account, and for the first time when the

girl asked me where I worked, I didn't mumble. I know what you mean.

For the past two mornings, I've been leaving the house humming.

Marie thinks I'm fooling around.

Have you guys seen this review?

A new Ted Baxter, more restrained and likable.

Anchors with a well -paced delivery.

Hey, that's quite an improvement.

I'll say, this guy used to be a rotten critic.

You know, I have to hand it to Bob. He knows what he's doing.

He's really helped us a lot.

He really has.

And he's worked awfully hard, too.

You know, I wish we could come up with some really nice way to say thank you.

Wait a minute. I think I've got it. How about thank you?

That's not what I had in mind.

I mean, let's face it. Ever since Bob got here, the atmosphere has been less

than friendly, right?

And maybe that's our fault, too.

Maybe if we'd been a little warmer to him, he'd be a little warmer to us.

Why don't we all take him out to dinner?

Or I could have a party for him at my place.

A party?

Yeah, you know, make him feel like one of the family.

from everyone for the male boy's birthday.

Oh, which reminds me, Ted. You'll get it. You'll get it.

Oh, Mr. Grant, I was thinking of having a party for Bob Larson at my place.

You know, a sort of combined congratulations and welcome party.

Sort of make him feel like one of the team. What do you think?

Well, in the war, we found that a unit who had been through battle felt closer.

There's something about shared suffering that brings men together.

Yeah.

Yeah. I think one of your parties might do it, Mary.

Oh,

more champagne, Bob? Well, just a little. I can only stay another five

I have to meet someone at the airport.

Here's to Bob.

Heck of a job.

See? Even my toasts are short and snappy.

Larson?

I like the cut of your gym.

If you only knew how long I've been trying to ask them to use more film and

me.

You having a nice time, Mr. Grant?

It's a great party, Mary.

The champagne, the hors d 'oeuvres, the buffet, just great.

Oh, yeah, it was really a terrific idea.

Well, thank you.

Hey, how much am I paying you?

Oh, $2 .25 a week.

That's all?

That's it.

Well, Mary, you know something?

What? I think it's great that you can throw a party like this on that kind of

stuff.

Mary, this is a marvelous party.

And the cheese puffs are delicious.

But Sue Ann, you made the cheese puffs.

Oh, did I?

My memory must be beclouded by this mediocre little off -year champagne.

wonderful man here that if he ever feels he isn't being treated right, there'll

always be a place for him on my show.

And it's a much nicer place to work. After all, what is the news?

The violence, the scandal, depravity, lust.

Right. Sue Ann can give you all that and more.

So, Bob, come on up here.

To a young man who has done such a great job for us in the short time that he's

been with us and who I'm just sure in the next few months is going to keep

a great job until WJM is number one.

Thank you very much. I have a real lump in my throat.

That's probably the cheesy part.

I can't tell you how great these last three weeks have been. I think we've all

done a heck of a job. Right.

But I have something I want to say. I was going to tell Lou tomorrow, but...

What? You're firing me?

No, but I think in view of what's been said here tonight that I should say it

now.

This will be my last week here. I've decided to leave WJM.

But I want you to know it's been terrific working with you.

Really.

Well, I got to run.

I'll talk to you tomorrow, Lou.

Great party, Mary.

Thanks again.

Leaving? I don't understand.

Don't worry.

Don't worry. He's not leaving. Take my word for it. He'll be back.

What makes you so sure?

I parked right behind him in the driveway.

Why?

Why does he want to leave?

It's not that he didn't like the work. He seemed to be happy.

Maybe he wanted more money.

If he wanted more money, all he had to do was ask.

Maybe he wanted more authority. I gave him a free hand. What more could he

I know what he wants.

What? He wants some old chicky -poo.

What's that?

You know, a little of the old slap and tickle.

Don't you guys understand English?

He wants a broad.

Hey, come on.

Listen, a young single guy alone... in an unfriendly city. You saw the way his

eyes lit up when Mary kissed him at the party.

Oh, reminds me, Lou.

You want that guy to stay, Mary is the bait we're looking for.

That's the most disgusting idea I ever heard.

Ted, are you seriously suggesting that we use Mary... It's for the good of the

show, isn't it? If I were a woman, I'd do it.

Ted, shut up.

Bob Larson, trying to figure out how to change his mind.

And I had a great idea.

Mary does want to hear it, Ted. Sure she does.

Give me for speaking frankly, Mary.

But we're all adults here, and I'm not going to mince any words.

Mary, I want you to make nice nights with Bob Larson.

What?

I don't know.

Give yourself to him.

Are you out of your mind?

Maybe we can give Ted to the Salvation Army.

All right, all right. Forget it.

Women. Ask him for one lousy little favor.

Morning. Hi, Bob.

So much for small talk. Why are you quitting?

Well, I just figure my work here is over.

What do you mean over? We got the ratings up one point. Let's keep going.

get them higher.

Well, frankly, with the budget you have and the facilities and the personnel...

I don't think it's possible.

Are you telling us this is as good as we can get?

Well, I'm afraid so.

I mean, this is a nice, friendly little station.

But I've done all I can here.

And I just feel I'm ready to move on to bigger things, you know?

Well, best of luck to you all.

So, it's set up.

As good as we can get. can get.

Nice friendly little station.

Hold it.

Wait a second.

All right.

Maybe this is as good as we get.

And maybe our ratings won't get any higher.

And maybe the other stations are better than we are.

And maybe Ted isn't the best.

best producer. Lou, you're coming to a butt pretty soon, aren't you?

I thought I was.

Now I can't remember it.

All right.

You want to know what the butt is?

I'll tell you what the butt is. The butt is, and it's a heck of a butt, too. The

butt is what's wrong with being a nice, friendly little station?

Huh?

A station where ratings aren't the most important thing.

A station where...

People care about each other and respect each other's feelings and really like

each other?

Okay, look.

What if I told you that the station manager just informed me that we got a

letter from Eric Severide saying that he was in Minneapolis three weeks ago, now

that's before Mr.

Larson got here, that he had seen our show and thought it was the best

written... Best announced and best produced show he had ever seen locally.

Eric Severide?

Severide. And that was before Larson got here. Right. Murray, I'm going to treat

you to a jelly dough. No, the treat's on me. Best news for the return.

Best announcer.

Newscaster.

The station manager got a letter from Eric Severide? I didn't say that. I

what if?

thinking about Bob Larson.

I still wish when he threatened to quit, you'd have given yourself to him.

You know why?

Why? Because if it had worked, I'd have threatened to quit.

Ted, Ted, I'll tell you what.

If you quit, I'll give myself to you.

Thanks, Bert.

Mary, are you going to put those poems on from The Weatherman again?

I don't know. Is that one? Let me see. Yeah.

Today the sun was warm and shiny.

But tonight you're going to freeze your hiney.