Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after long.

You're gonna make it after long.

election between Henderson and McCullough the next few hours, we'll

story. It's up to the voters now.

Well, that's the last item, and we still have 30 seconds.

Oh, no. You mean Ted's going to have to ad lib?

No.

As a reporter, I'm supposed to remain neutral.

I'm supposed to have an opinion, but since we do have a few moments, let me

say this.

You're crazy if you don't all vote for Henderson.

between you and me in the lamppost, I hear that McCullough is a pretty shady

character.

This is Ted Baxter saying good night and good news.

That is the most unprofessional thing Ted has ever done.

You know, I think we all need a long vacation.

Right, you're right.

Well, I've got a week coming. What can you do in a week?

Well, outside of creating the world and resting, nothing.

believe it?

Endorsing one candidate and libeling the other on the air?

What happened in there?

I just threw Ted out of the studio.

Threw him out? You mean you fired him? No, I mean I grabbed him and threw him

through the door.

Mr. Grant, how could you do that?

I know, I feel terrible.

Just the slightest change in trajectory, I could have thrown him out the window.

You know, I think he means it. I think he really did that. Yeah, probably.

So what?

Yeah, but that's Lou's nature.

He's a hawk, you're a dove, Ted's a cuckoo. Murray!

That's not a joke.

I'm sorry.

Hey, Mayor, what's the matter?

Well, it's just the thought of someone being physically injured. I just don't

like it. I never have. It's bothered me since I was a kid.

A girl I know broke her leg and I had to go tell her mother.

Murray, I began to stammer for ten minutes.

All I could do was stammer at her. I mean, there she was, and then there I

and she... No, steady.

Steady.

Somebody ought to go in there and tell him he can't go around throwing people

through doors.

Well, I'd love to do it, ma 'am, but I'm afraid he'd throw me through the door.

Mr.

Grant, I know that your conduct is none of my business.

None.

That's all over and done with.

Once I saw Ted smash through that door, waving both arms and screaming, the

kind of inner peace descended on my soul.

Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. Never bear a grudge, Mary.

If you're steamed, do something about it.

And afterwards, it's forgiven and forgotten, see?

No. No, I don't. Physical violence never settles anything.

Physical violence...

has settled every war in history, all football games, most prize fights, and

several marriages, I can think of.

But that's not the point. I am talking about you. All right, Mary, talk about

me.

Mr. Grant, you're one of the nicest people I know. You're good, and you're

and we all respect you, but you've got this violent streak in you, and it

people. I mean, it even scares me.

Oh, come on, Mary, I'd never belt you.

bad temper, and one of these days you're going to hurt somebody.

I didn't hurt Ted. I barely touched him.

Smashed through that door, waving both arms and screaming?

I just made that up.

I talk tough, Mary, but I don't hurt people.

Come in.

I don't think I can come into work tomorrow.

I can't move my head.

Ted, I'm so sorry.

It's not your fault, Lou.

It happened after you threw me. I skidded into the cigarette machine.

Well, they told you it was hazardous to your health.

I've got to get to a doctor.

Forget the doctor. You're going to the hospital. Here. Come on.

Lean on me and I'll help you down to my car.

Oh, I didn't think I'd make it to the car. That's too far.

All right. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'll carry you to my car. Hello.

Be gentle.

Yes.

What do you mean I can't carry you? It's too heavy for you. Why? Here. Hey, use

this table.

It'll just make me heavier.

It's got wheels.

Oh.

Lou, Mary, tell the gang I said my last words were, I want the news to go on.

Lou, how are you feeling?

You know the old expression, Mary, only when I laugh.

Is there anything we can do?

Oh, no, no.

Georgette was by my side all morning.

She read to me and fed me and gave me a sponge bath.

I fluffed up my pillows. I finally sent her home.

Yes, you're starting to get on my nerves.

Boy, private room.

It's really nice.

You know, when I first came here, they put me in a ward.

You know how I got this room?

The ward pitched in?

Lou insisted.

He said he'd pay whatever the cost.

It's the least he can do.

Well, I've got to meet Marie. Don't get up, Ted.

Thanks for coming, Murr.

And say, thanks for the candy. How'd you know it was my favorite kind?

I didn't. I just wanted to give you something to show you how I really feel

about you.

Good old Myr.

Want a jawbreaker, Myr?

Why, I appreciate the flowers, too.

Oh, well, you know, sick room, hospital, traditional.

Yeah. I don't know why people just don't give the cash.

store and got the stuff you wanted. Oh, well, it's not for me, you know, but you

never know when my little nephew may come to visit. What'd you get?

Got your Parcheesi and your Chinese checkers

and the little game that you shake and make the little balls roll into the...

The clown's nose? No, no, they're out of that, I asked. No, this one, you shake

it and the little balls form the outline of a duck.

I never tried that one before.

Yeah, well, I imagine it works on pretty much the same principle as the clown's

nose.

Hi, old buddy.

Hi, Mary.

Hello, Mr. Grant. How very nice of you to drop by.

Say, you're not still mad at me.

Well, I really don't think this is the time or the place to discuss that.

But I want to know.

But don't you think you should chat with Ted?

Why should I chat with Ted? I like you better.

Don't mind me. This is better than television.

So, how are you feeling?

Well, not bad.

I'm not complaining.

A guy learns to live with constant pain.

Gee, I'm sorry, Ted.

Here, I brought you some flowers.

Well, I already have some.

Oh.

Say, I wonder if there's someplace I could put these.

Beats me.

That's okay.

What the heck?

I'll just stand here and hold him.

That way Ted can enjoy him while we chat.

Well, Ted, I think I'll be running along.

Oh, don't leave now, Mayor.

I've got everything but the one web foot and the beak.

No, no, Ted, I don't want to tire someone who's been through as much as

have.

So what do the doctors say?

Well, they say I'm a lucky guy, Lou.

Not too many people survive an accident like that.

You mean just being thrown out? No, no, no. Four -car collision.

Huh?

I had to make up something, Lou.

I didn't want anyone to think you did this.

Oh, yeah.

And they say you're lucky?

I'll say.

Boy, if the fire had hit the gas tank, it would have been curtains for sure.

Well, if there's anything I can do.

No, no, no, no. I mean it. Anything.

You just ask. Ask me for anything.

How about a glass of wine?

Here. Here. Take a glass of wine.

Okay. Wait a minute. How about a cube?

Yeah. Let's put a cube in there.

There you go.

Remember, for what I did to you...

I'd be happy to do anything.

Anything?

Anything.

Would you sign my neck brace?

Would I sign your neck brace?

Of course I will.

Sign it to Ted Baxter, the world's best anchorman.

Baxter, the world's best

anchorman.

For whom... For

whom I will do anything.

I...

How

do they expect me to rewrite a snow bulletin when it's like a furnace in

Why are you rewriting a snow bullet? Well, Ted says that when he reads a snow

bullet, then he wants people to shudder.

I try to explain that all his newscasts have that effect.

Hey, since when do you let Ted tell you how to write your copy?

I guess I'm feeling sorry for him because, well, you know, he's working

handicap.

Although that never bothered me before.

Who fooled with the thermostat?

would be a nice conservation gesture to turn it down to 85.

Murray, you mustn't turn down the thermostat.

Ted should be in a warm place.

Someday, if there's any justice.

switch, isn't it? Me getting autographs from ordinary people.

Well, they are my public.

Takes a lot of gut to let them get that close to your throat.

Oh, Lou!

Lou, can I use your phone to make a couple of calls?

What's wrong with your phone? Oh, okay, okay. Want me to use your phone?

No phone, no phone, no phone.

The doctor says I shouldn't climb any stairs to my dressing room, but you say

phone, no phone, no phone, no phone.

Dad!

Here's the phone.

Thanks, Lou.

I think I have our weather bulletin.

Sleet and high winds to be followed by the biggest snow job in history.

Gee, that's a terrific -looking chair, Lou.

I wish I had one like this in my dressing room.

Come on, what's wrong with a chair in your dressing room?

Oh, that's right. You never get down there, do you?

Then why should you?

Why climb all those stairs?

All you have to do is go directly into the studio from this office.

Ted, what do you want from me? You want me to give you my office? Is that what

you want? Oh, no, Lou. I don't want you to give me this office.

I want you to share it with me.

Share my office?

Yeah, sure. Why not, Lou?

All it would take is a little chair right over there. You wouldn't mind

in a little chair, would you, Lou?

Ted? Oh, Ted?

It's all right. It'll pass. It's just a little spasm. They always go away.

Okay, Ted.

You can share my office. But only until your neck gets better. It'll be

wonderful. We'll be roommates.

new feature on the show.

You knew what?

Three minutes at the end of every show, Ted Baxter speaks out on the important

issues of the day. You know, like Eric Severide?

Except when I do it, you'll be able to understand it.

No, no.

No, Ted, I don't think it'll work. Why not, Lou?

Murray could write it. Mary could come up with some ideas.

Something I've wanted to do all my life, Lou.

No, Ted.

I really don't care for her. Oh, come on, Merle. Let me try just this once.

And if you don't like it, you can do what you always do.

You can pick me up and throw me through a door.

Oh, boy, someday this turned out to be, huh, Merle? Oh, the worst.

You know, it's bad enough I have to write one opinion spot for that.

But I had to write three so he can choose.

You know something, Murray? Remember that little girl I told you about in

grammar school, the one who broke her leg? Oh, yeah.

You know, I just realized something. She used people, too.

I mean, everybody carried her books for her, opened doors for her.

The teacher felt so sorry for her, he made me switch parts with her in the

Christmas pageant.

He made her the sugarplum fairy.

I got to be half a camel.

Yes. No, he's still here.

Yeah, he's here, too.

We'll be right in.

You guys weren't slipping out already, were you?

Slipping out? Ted, it's after eight.

I finally came up with a title for my new spot.

A Piece of My Mind.

Well, if they can split an atom, why not?

Now all I need is a topic for my first editorial.

Ted, we already gave you three.

Industrial pollution, runaway prices, and political spending.

Okay.

Nothing personal, guys, but... Boring.

Boring. Murray, they're all safe subjects.

Everybody's done them.

I want to go after the real sacred cows, like single women.

What about single women?

How come they let you buy them dinner if they don't expect any action?

Ted, you can't do an editorial because you keep striking out.

Mr. Grant is never going to allow that.

Kids, trust me.

I'm the honcho on this project.

I'll handle Lou.

Ted, don't you think that you're carrying this thing just a little too

Look, I know it's late. We're all tired. What do you say we go get some coffee

and we'll talk about it, huh?

Oh, gee, I'd like to, Mary, but I've got a date.

And you two have got an awful lot of work to do.

I wonder where he got the picture.

Where else?

His wallet.

Here you are, Mr. Grant.

I made you an after -dinner drink.

Thank you, Mary.

What are you up to?

Well, since when do I have to be up to something just because I asked you over

for dinner and a few drinks?

I just want to know why you're trying to ply me with alcohol.

Ply you with alcohol?

You know, that's really kind of insulting.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mary. I didn't mean to insult you.

Oh, forget it.

Here, let me freshen that for you.

Okay.

I do want to have a talk with you. Okay, but don't feel you have to lead up to

it. Shoot.

Right. Just shoot. Just lay it on the line straight out. Okay. Here it is.

you want.

Shoot you're going to get.

Mr. Grant, before I say this... Mary. Yes, okay, you're right.

Leading around the bush, which I've always thought was a really dumb

you know? Okay, Mr. Grant, I don't...

Suppose that you remember a discussion that we had.

It was about Ted, Owen violence, and your being gentler of... I

don't suppose that you remember any of that, do you?

Every word.

It's probably the most memorable thing you've ever said to me.

How'd you like to forget it?

I don't understand.

Mr. Grant, Ted is getting away with murder.

The old Mr. Grant just wouldn't have stood for that.

No.

The old Lou Grant would have yelled and bullied and scared poor Ted half to

death. I know, I know.

I don't get this.

First you come to me, you tell me, Mr. Grant, you have a violent nature, so you

must try to change.

So after considerable soul -searching, I change. I become what you see now.

A gentle, tolerant, peace -loving, non -violent pussycat.

Then, then you come to me tonight and you tell me you've decided you like me

way I was.

Well, no, Mary.

I've got something to tell you.

I like the way I am.

And this is how I intend to stay.

A gentle, tolerant, peace -loving, non -violent pussycat.

So you just better get used to the new Lou Grant, Mary.

From now on, I'm going to be the warmest, sweetest, nicest, most

considerate, understanding human being you ever met in your life.

I don't think I like you anymore.

This goes now to the states for approval.

In order for the bill to pass, it must be ratified by two -thirds of the 48

states.

Oh, two more.

Correction, make that four -thirds.

Now we present a new department.

A piece of my mind.

What's he doing? I don't know. He wrote it himself.

Tonight... A piece of my mind examines big business versus the little man.

Now, for years, the little man's been taking it on the chin.

Well, good news, my friends. Today, the tables are turned.

Ted Baxter, the reporter who wouldn't be intimidated, announced a lawsuit for

$250 ,000 against station WJM for gross negligence.

What?

He's suing his own station.

On the air.

I want to make one thing clear. I don't include producer Lou Grant in this

action.

Now, Lou can't be responsible for everything that goes on at his station.

And I know Lou joins me in hoping this suit teaches a certain station that

safety isn't something to be trifled with.

When Mr. Baxter finishes the news...

Have him step into my office.

What are you doing?

Just getting the ambulance warmed up.

Oh, Ted, Lou would like to see you in his office. Right.

Say, Mayor, what did Lou say about the show?

Oh, he... Speechless, huh?

good scare out of the station.

Dad, look into my eyes.

Sure, Lou.

What do you see there?

Oh.

Oh, I wasn't really going to go through with it, Lou.

I was just going to worry them a little bit, you know.

Use it for leverage. Get a little more vacation.

You've got just 20 seconds to take down those pictures while your face still

resembles them.

I wasn't going to ask for a lot of vacation.

It's been a couple of weeks and my neck got better.

I'm feeling practically fine, Lou, thanks to your chair and your office.

I don't need any vacation.

Weekends, Lou.

Holidays and my birthday.

I'm going down to my dressing room now to work on tomorrow's show.

Everything go all right in here?

Yeah, it went all right.

Mr. Grant's office.

Yes, this is Mr. Grant's office.

No, it is no longer Ted Baxter's office.

Yes, I'm sure.

You're very welcome.

Who was it? Ted.

And the great thing is, Mary, I never laid a hand on him.

Good for you, Mr. Grant. And don't you feel better that you were able to convey

to Ted that you were angry and who was boss without resorting to violence?

Yeah, I feel a lot better.

Right. Mary, would you do one little thing for me? Yeah, sure.

Get a hold of building maintenance and tell them I need a new door.

Right.

Uh, Mr. Grant, what's wrong with this door?

As soon as you leave, I'm going to put my fist through it.