Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Oh, say, Murr, I'm sorry I missed the whole page of your copy last night.

But I doubt if anybody noticed.

When I realized I was running short, I had lived an editorial.

Yeah, that was really quick thinking, Ted. An editorial on why stewardesses

should wear tighter skirts.

It's a simple matter of safety, Murr.

Loose clothing can get caught in machinery.

What are you working on, Mary?

Oh, it's nothing, Ted.

Oh, come on. What is it? No, Ted, really, it's nothing.

Come on.

No. Come on.

No.

It ripped.

Keep your secret.

Nobody tells me anything around here anyway. Ted, it's not a secret. It's

course in writing I'm taking.

Writing? That's taking a step backward, isn't it?

No, Ted, not at all.

All I want to do is learn to write a decent paragraph.

Yeah, I understand.

Possibly work up to a short piece of copy once in a while.

Maybe a full -length news story. Sure.

Maybe even sell a couple of articles to some of the newspapers.

Maybe place a few short stories in some of the better magazines, you know.

After which, if an idea for a novel came to me, you know, who knows? Maybe a

couple more novels. A book of the month. A bestseller.

A little recognition.

A few prizes. All of the prizes.

Or maybe just write a decent paragraph.

My student days, I was always on the paper.

Where was that, Ted?

Obedience school?

I covered sports.

They used to call me Scoop Baxter.

That's a newspaper term, Mary.

Yeah, Ted, I know. Well, I took a writing course once.

But an anchorman doesn't have time to fritter away on writing.

Cronkite does.

Yeah, that's right, he does, doesn't he? He writes a lot of his own copy.

He does?

Boy, can you imagine?

Writing and broadcasting? I mean, boy, what a satisfaction that must be.

Yeah, two paychecks.

Well, most of the big ones write copy, Ted.

Well, I could write if I wanted to. The only reason I never wrote before this is

because, well, it just never occurred to me.

That's what you said about coming in out of the rain.

Murray, you don't suppose that we may have put an idea in Ted's head, do you?

Don't worry.

If we did, it'll die of loneliness.

Hey, it's air time.

What's the matter? Am I the only one who watches our show?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Grant. I was just doing some writing.

Oh, that's lovely.

I like everyone in my newsroom to have a hobby.

Aren't you going to watch the news?

Lou, I wrote it. The big headline is a drop in soybean prices.

So why should I stay here and be bored with my own copy?

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Twin Cities. Let's go to press. Flash.

The bulls and bears were caught with their pants down today as old man

did a kamikaze.

Murray did a kamikaze? I didn't write that.

On the international front, the U .N. celebrated an anniversary today, and I'd

like to take this moment to honor them with a tribute in verse.

Lou, I swear I didn't write any tributes in verse. Well, somebody did it. Hail

the towering glass building.

Hail the many diplomats.

Arabs in their robes and slippers.

Dutchmen in their wooden hats.

Ted did it.

Hail the dove with the olive branch.

And may his flock increase.

Cooing the hymn of brotherhood.

And laying an egg of peace.

Mr. Brant, you can't blame us.

All right, who gave him the pencil?

are making daily sacrifices to meet the fuel shortage.

Hang in there, Yanks.

Let's tighten our belts and show the world it takes more than a little gas to

stop Uncle Sam.

That does it.

I'm gonna go after him.

Mr. Grant, your candy's on the air. I don't care.

No, you can't kill him on the air.

You're right.

Too many witnesses.

He's got till seven o 'clock.

Ted?

Yes, Lou?

Ted?

Hi, Georgette.

Ted?

We discussed tonight's broadcast with Ted, so would you excuse us, Georgette,

because it may get kind of technical.

How do you mean?

It'll mean using certain words you may not be familiar with.

That's okay, Lou. She doesn't mind.

I mind.

I don't.

Ted, I really think it would be better if Georgette would excuse us.

We're all f***ed. friends here. What the heck? Not at the moment. We're not.

I'll go get you a soda from the machine tent. I think Mr.

Grant wants to speak to you alone.

Thank you, Georgette.

Thank you.

casting history.

It was a piece of garbage.

It was a disgrace and humiliation to everybody who works in news here and

around the world.

Granted, it did need a little improvement.

Where do you get off changing Murray's copy? It was flat, Lou.

I didn't change the facts. I just... Jazzed up the language.

Jazzed up.

Jazzed up.

Jazzed up?

Ted, you do not change the wording of a direct quote.

And I do not believe that the Queen of England calls the French ambassador the

dude from France.

Big ones do it, Lou.

I see.

I'm going to have to make something clear to you that I thought you already

understood.

You're not a big one.

So knock it off.

Because if you try it again, I'll break your tongue.

Hi, Mary.

Ted. George X.

I hope we're not disturbing you. No, it's just I'm not used to having

What time is it, anyway?

Quarter past the 11 o 'clock news.

I told you we shouldn't just drop in.

Ted, we shouldn't have just dropped in. I'm so sorry. George X, it's all right.

See, that's what I said.

I like your hat, Mary.

I'm not wearing it for the appearance, Ted. My hair was dirty.

Well, wouldn't it be simpler just to wash it?

I'm so sorry to intrude, Mary, but Ted said he had to see you. And when Ted

makes up his mind to do something, it's like trying to grab a comet by the tail.

Uh -huh.

Exactly.

What can I do for you? What did you think of tonight's show? I wrote most of

news myself.

Yeah, I know.

Wasn't it incredible?

That's the word for it.

Of course, I'm a perfectionist, Mary.

Good as it was, I felt it needed a little improvement.

Now, I'm not one to put much stock in writing schools, but I... It feels

is one of those things you have to be born with, like a deep voice or gray

Well, I don't know if they can teach me.

But since you recommend this course of yours so highly, Mary...

Would it be if I sat in on a few sessions?

Ted, look, the course started two weeks ago. I mean, you'd never catch up.

Mary, I'm hardly a beginner.

You know, I've had newspaper experience.

They used to call him Stu Baxter.

Ted, taking a course like this would be a waste of your natural gifts. What do

you mean?

You're a star.

You've got talent.

I mean, to take a beginner's course like this would just be a step backward.

Oh, that's why.

That's what I told her.

And he's absolutely right, George... Ted!

I mean, it would take up most of his evenings, and you certainly don't want

that, do you, George S.? I just want what's best for Ted's career, though.

Yeah, me too.

How many evenings would it take up? A lot. A lot of evenings, Ted. So many.

no, no, no, no, Ted. You just go on doing what you're doing so...

Oh, no, that's all right.

All's well that ends well, right?

Good night.

Mary,

I've got to take that course. No, you don't. Yes, I do.

Yes, I've really got to take it, Mary. Why do you have to take the course?

Georgette looks up to me, but how can I have any self -respect if all I do is

read what somebody writes for me?

If you were me, Mary, would you have any self -respect?

Gee, Ted, I wish you'd put it another way.

I'll see you in class tomorrow night.

Costs $100.

If I decide to take the course.

Say, Mayor, you're in luck. Oh, hi, Dad. I saved a place for you.

Well, no, that's all right. I sit right here in the back. Oh, I switched it.

These things are more fun if you have a friend to sit with.

like to sit up front. It's too conspicuous.

Fuck.

Oh, get a load of that. The people that think they can write.

Where does old Granny sit?

Right there, Ted. She's the teacher.

Well, maybe you better introduce me, Mary, as a courtesy to her.

Miss Malone, this is Ted Baxter. He's joining the class.

Oh, your face looks sort of familiar, Mr. Baxter. The reason it's familiar is

because I'm Ted Baxter, the anchorman.

Isn't that exciting?

My father was an old Navy man, you know.

Mrs. Malone, Ted is in television.

Oh, I... I am sorry.

You see, I don't own a television.

What does an anchorman do, Mr. Baxter?

I broadcast the news.

Really? I see. My nephew did that the summer after he graduated.

and to get a job, but you're no youngster.

So I'll just yield the floor to one of my closest and dearest friends who knows

me better than anyone. Mary Richards.

Oh, God.

Well, Ted is the anchorman with WJM. Stand up, stand up, stand up.

TV. He's been with us many years.

Tell me about the Teddy Awards.

He won the Teddy Award.

For excellence in broadcasting. For excellence in broadcasting.

High school? High school? Yes, he went to high school.

He worked on the high school paper.

Thank you.

Thank you, Miss Richards.

Excuse me, excuse me, if I could just have a word.

Look, while I'm in this class, I'm a student, just like the rest of you.

Go ahead.

Well, thank you.

The last time we were discussing the uses of alliteration, and I thought that

might be helpful for the moment to consider this passage from Herman

I get a lot of that name.

Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouse, whenever it...

as one of Mrs. Malone's favorite writers.

Oh, yeah? Oh, well, I didn't mean to step on anybody's toes.

I don't know which one you are, Herman, but no hard feelings, okay, fella?

Say, just between us, Mayor, how's Ted doing in class?

It's hard to tell. He hasn't written anything yet.

How come?

Well, Ted's first day, the teacher wrote on the board, write.

what you know.

He looked at that and frowned and he hasn't stopped frowning.

Well, how long can he keep that up? I don't know. Next week, we both have to

read aloud a vivid description of an unforgettable experience.

I took this writing course once from this hard -nosed old guy.

On the first day, he said, if you stay with me, you'll do nothing but write.

write, write seven days a week.

Then you'll rip out everything you've written and rewrite it and rewrite it

again.

I'll give you a constant criticism and little praise so that you'll curse the

day you ever saw a typewriter.

If that appeals to you, then stick around.

Wow. And you know something? I bet he was a great teacher.

Could be. I never went back.

Well, listen, if you'd like, I'd be glad to lend you an excerpt from my memoirs

of the Korean War, tentatively titled Hell in New Jersey.

Yeah. I bet every guy in the service started a novel.

Oh, yeah, you wrote one, too, Lou. What was yours called?

What difference does it make?

No, what was it called, Mr. Grant?

Too Many Foxholes, Not Enough Love.

It had too many foxholes and not enough luck.

Don't feel you have to entertain me, Mary.

If you want to work on your story, please do. Oh, no, no, the story's all

finished. Once I got the idea, I was just fine.

That's the hard part, isn't it? Yeah.

Ted says he's got his all written in his head, except for the idea.

He hasn't finished it yet? Mary, he hasn't even started, and he's been at it

week. He's driving me crazy.

I have a den.

Ted says a writer needs a den.

He bought a smoking jacket and a pipe and put his typewriter in my den.

And every night, he puts in a clean sheet of paper and sits with his hands

the keyboard, whimpering.

write my paper for me.

Ted, what are you talking about?

I can't stand being embarrassed in class. I'm a celebrity.

And if I'm embarrassed, the station's embarrassed. You owe it to the station,

Mary. Oh, no, I don't, Ted.

Mary, the class is tomorrow night. I haven't written a word.

No soap.

Mary, can I help it? If I plunked out English as a kid because I had to work

nights. No good, Ted. Try again.

I'll pay you.

Better yet, I'll give you a mention on the news. I'll work you in during the

weather forecast.

Hurricane Mary. Ted.

for you. All right, then. I'll write about this. I'll tell him why you turned

down a buddy in desperation.

Oh, come on, Ted. All you need is an idea.

And I'm sure you'll come up with something.

Mary's already finished, Ted.

You did?

Mm -hmm.

What's yours about, Mary?

Well, it's about something that happened to me when I was 17.

Oh, boy. Another teenage reminiscence.

Ted, please tell us, Mary. I love stories about being 17.

Well, okay. I'll give you the general idea.

Oh.

When I was 17, I had a crush on the class president.

He seemed older and really mature, and I was just so hoping that he would invite

me to the graduation dance.

But he didn't.

Instead, I was asked by a shy, immature guy who didn't dance and didn't have a

tuxedo. Boy, you must have been a real loser.

invitation because I figured that way I'd get to go to the dance and maybe Bob

would notice me.

Anyway, it was a beautiful spring night and I had on my first strapless formal.

I bet it was white. Of course.

And when Edwin picked me up, boy, I mean, I could practically hear the

can I.

Except we didn't get to go right to the dance.

You didn't? No. On our way, we saw a dog that had been hit by a car.

He wasn't badly hurt, you know, but Edwin insisted that we take him to the

so we did, me and my formal gown.

Poor Mary.

Poor daughter.

Did he pull through?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, but we got to the dance really late, and instead of

Edwin that it was all right, I sulked. He had ruined my evening.

He didn't mean to.

that i was upset but that it really didn't matter to him whether or not

liked him that what mattered was whether or not he liked himself boy and that's

when i knew who the mature one really was

Nervous? No, I'm really pretty confident. I mean, I'm almost eager.

Oh, boy, not me.

Good evening, class. Well, let's see who's scheduled to read tonight.

Miss Richards and Mr.

Baxter. Mr. Baxter, I think we'll start with you, please.

Good luck.

This is a very long speech. I had a busy week. News stories break in every hour.

The merit isn't measured by the word, Mr. Baxter. It's what you have to say.

Please read it.

Storm -tossed waves pounded the beach and a blizzard shrieked round my ears on

the night of my high school graduation dance.

Sure, maybe I couldn't afford a tuxedo because I was saving every penny to go

veterinary school.

That was no reason for my date Edwina.

to sneer at me.

At last, I reached her house.

One look at Winna in her first strapless gown, and I realized who the mature one

really was.

Suddenly, a cry filled the air.

One of her father's pride stallions had gone into labor.

Crossing aside, caught to the dance, I rushed to its side.

Boiled water, I...

knelt beside that animal and at dawn I saw my reward.

Six brand new baby horses.

I love you, Edwina murmured.

In that moment, I learned the lesson of my life. Who cares?

I replied, I love myself. The end.

Thank you.

I have never been so happy to tell a story in my life.

This is a story about somebody so insensitive, yes, insensitive,

Ted Baxter, that he would use part of a person's life to get a crummy three

minutes of attention.

This is somebody so, look at me, Ted.