All language subtitles for Mary Tyler Moore s04e23 Two Wrongs Dont Make a Writer

Who can turn the world on with her
smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly
make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should
know it.

With each glance and every little
movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell,
why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Oh, say, Murr, I'm sorry I missed the
whole page of your copy last night.

But I doubt if anybody noticed.

When I realized I was running short, I
had lived an editorial.

Yeah, that was really quick thinking,
Ted. An editorial on why stewardesses

should wear tighter skirts.

It's a simple matter of safety, Murr.

Loose clothing can get caught in
machinery.

What are you working on, Mary?

Oh, it's nothing, Ted.

Oh, come on. What is it? No, Ted,
really, it's nothing.

Come on.

No. Come on.

No.

It ripped.

Keep your secret.

Nobody tells me anything around here
anyway. Ted, it's not a secret. It's

course in writing I'm taking.

Writing? That's taking a step backward,
isn't it?

No, Ted, not at all.

All I want to do is learn to write a
decent paragraph.

Yeah, I understand.

Possibly work up to a short piece of
copy once in a while.

Maybe a full -length news story. Sure.

Maybe even sell a couple of articles to
some of the newspapers.

Maybe place a few short stories in some
of the better magazines, you know.

After which, if an idea for a novel came
to me, you know, who knows? Maybe a

couple more novels. A book of the month.
A bestseller.

A little recognition.

A few prizes. All of the prizes.

Or maybe just write a decent paragraph.

My student days, I was always on the
paper.

Where was that, Ted?

Obedience school?

I covered sports.

They used to call me Scoop Baxter.

That's a newspaper term, Mary.

Yeah, Ted, I know. Well, I took a
writing course once.

But an anchorman doesn't have time to
fritter away on writing.

Cronkite does.

Yeah, that's right, he does, doesn't he?
He writes a lot of his own copy.

He does?

Boy, can you imagine?

Writing and broadcasting? I mean, boy,
what a satisfaction that must be.

Yeah, two paychecks.

Well, most of the big ones write copy,
Ted.

Well, I could write if I wanted to. The
only reason I never wrote before this is

because, well, it just never occurred to
me.

That's what you said about coming in out
of the rain.

Murray, you don't suppose that we may
have put an idea in Ted's head, do you?

Don't worry.

If we did, it'll die of loneliness.

Hey, it's air time.

What's the matter? Am I the only one who
watches our show?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Grant. I was just
doing some writing.

Oh, that's lovely.

I like everyone in my newsroom to have a
hobby.

Aren't you going to watch the news?

Lou, I wrote it. The big headline is a
drop in soybean prices.

So why should I stay here and be bored
with my own copy?

Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Twin Cities.
Let's go to press. Flash.

The bulls and bears were caught with
their pants down today as old man

did a kamikaze.

Murray did a kamikaze? I didn't write
that.

On the international front, the U .N.
celebrated an anniversary today, and I'd

like to take this moment to honor them
with a tribute in verse.

Lou, I swear I didn't write any tributes
in verse. Well, somebody did it. Hail

the towering glass building.

Hail the many diplomats.

Arabs in their robes and slippers.

Dutchmen in their wooden hats.

Ted did it.

Hail the dove with the olive branch.

And may his flock increase.

Cooing the hymn of brotherhood.

And laying an egg of peace.

Mr. Brant, you can't blame us.

All right, who gave him the pencil?

are making daily sacrifices to meet the
fuel shortage.

Hang in there, Yanks.

Let's tighten our belts and show the
world it takes more than a little gas to

stop Uncle Sam.

That does it.

I'm gonna go after him.

Mr. Grant, your candy's on the air. I
don't care.

No, you can't kill him on the air.

You're right.

Too many witnesses.

He's got till seven o 'clock.

Ted?

Yes, Lou?

Ted?

Hi, Georgette.

Ted?

We discussed tonight's broadcast with
Ted, so would you excuse us, Georgette,

because it may get kind of technical.

How do you mean?

It'll mean using certain words you may
not be familiar with.

That's okay, Lou. She doesn't mind.

I mind.

I don't.

Ted, I really think it would be better
if Georgette would excuse us.

We're all f***ed. friends here. What the
heck? Not at the moment. We're not.

I'll go get you a soda from the machine
tent. I think Mr.

Grant wants to speak to you alone.

Thank you, Georgette.

Thank you.

casting history.

It was a piece of garbage.

It was a disgrace and humiliation to
everybody who works in news here and

around the world.

Granted, it did need a little
improvement.

Where do you get off changing Murray's
copy? It was flat, Lou.

I didn't change the facts. I just...
Jazzed up the language.

Jazzed up.

Jazzed up.

Jazzed up?

Ted, you do not change the wording of a
direct quote.

And I do not believe that the Queen of
England calls the French ambassador the

dude from France.

Big ones do it, Lou.

I see.

I'm going to have to make something
clear to you that I thought you already

understood.

You're not a big one.

So knock it off.

Because if you try it again, I'll break
your tongue.

Hi, Mary.

Ted. George X.

I hope we're not disturbing you. No,
it's just I'm not used to having

What time is it, anyway?

Quarter past the 11 o 'clock news.

I told you we shouldn't just drop in.

Ted, we shouldn't have just dropped in.
I'm so sorry. George X, it's all right.

See, that's what I said.

I like your hat, Mary.

I'm not wearing it for the appearance,
Ted. My hair was dirty.

Well, wouldn't it be simpler just to
wash it?

I'm so sorry to intrude, Mary, but Ted
said he had to see you. And when Ted

makes up his mind to do something, it's
like trying to grab a comet by the tail.

Uh -huh.

Exactly.

What can I do for you? What did you
think of tonight's show? I wrote most of

news myself.

Yeah, I know.

Wasn't it incredible?

That's the word for it.

Of course, I'm a perfectionist, Mary.

Good as it was, I felt it needed a
little improvement.

Now, I'm not one to put much stock in
writing schools, but I... It feels

is one of those things you have to be
born with, like a deep voice or gray

Well, I don't know if they can teach me.

But since you recommend this course of
yours so highly, Mary...

Would it be if I sat in on a few
sessions?

Ted, look, the course started two weeks
ago. I mean, you'd never catch up.

Mary, I'm hardly a beginner.

You know, I've had newspaper experience.

They used to call him Stu Baxter.

Ted, taking a course like this would be
a waste of your natural gifts. What do

you mean?

You're a star.

You've got talent.

I mean, to take a beginner's course like
this would just be a step backward.

Oh, that's why.

That's what I told her.

And he's absolutely right, George...
Ted!

I mean, it would take up most of his
evenings, and you certainly don't want

that, do you, George S.? I just want
what's best for Ted's career, though.

Yeah, me too.

How many evenings would it take up? A
lot. A lot of evenings, Ted. So many.

no, no, no, no, Ted. You just go on
doing what you're doing so...

Oh, no, that's all right.

All's well that ends well, right?

Good night.

Mary,

I've got to take that course. No, you
don't. Yes, I do.

Yes, I've really got to take it, Mary.
Why do you have to take the course?

Georgette looks up to me, but how can I
have any self -respect if all I do is

read what somebody writes for me?

If you were me, Mary, would you have any
self -respect?

Gee, Ted, I wish you'd put it another
way.

I'll see you in class tomorrow night.

Costs $100.

If I decide to take the course.

Say, Mayor, you're in luck. Oh, hi, Dad.
I saved a place for you.

Well, no, that's all right. I sit right
here in the back. Oh, I switched it.

These things are more fun if you have a
friend to sit with.

like to sit up front. It's too
conspicuous.

Fuck.

Oh, get a load of that. The people that
think they can write.

Where does old Granny sit?

Right there, Ted. She's the teacher.

Well, maybe you better introduce me,
Mary, as a courtesy to her.

Miss Malone, this is Ted Baxter. He's
joining the class.

Oh, your face looks sort of familiar,
Mr. Baxter. The reason it's familiar is

because I'm Ted Baxter, the anchorman.

Isn't that exciting?

My father was an old Navy man, you know.

Mrs. Malone, Ted is in television.

Oh, I... I am sorry.

You see, I don't own a television.

What does an anchorman do, Mr. Baxter?

I broadcast the news.

Really? I see. My nephew did that the
summer after he graduated.

and to get a job, but you're no
youngster.

So I'll just yield the floor to one of
my closest and dearest friends who knows

me better than anyone. Mary Richards.

Oh, God.

Well, Ted is the anchorman with WJM.
Stand up, stand up, stand up.

TV. He's been with us many years.

Tell me about the Teddy Awards.

He won the Teddy Award.

For excellence in broadcasting. For
excellence in broadcasting.

High school? High school? Yes, he went
to high school.

He worked on the high school paper.

Thank you.

Thank you, Miss Richards.

Excuse me, excuse me, if I could just
have a word.

Look, while I'm in this class, I'm a
student, just like the rest of you.

Go ahead.

Well, thank you.

The last time we were discussing the
uses of alliteration, and I thought that

might be helpful for the moment to
consider this passage from Herman

I get a lot of that name.

Whenever I find myself growing grim
about the mouse, whenever it...

as one of Mrs. Malone's favorite
writers.

Oh, yeah? Oh, well, I didn't mean to
step on anybody's toes.

I don't know which one you are, Herman,
but no hard feelings, okay, fella?

Say, just between us, Mayor, how's Ted
doing in class?

It's hard to tell. He hasn't written
anything yet.

How come?

Well, Ted's first day, the teacher wrote
on the board, write.

what you know.

He looked at that and frowned and he
hasn't stopped frowning.

Well, how long can he keep that up? I
don't know. Next week, we both have to

read aloud a vivid description of an
unforgettable experience.

I took this writing course once from
this hard -nosed old guy.

On the first day, he said, if you stay
with me, you'll do nothing but write.

write, write seven days a week.

Then you'll rip out everything you've
written and rewrite it and rewrite it

again.

I'll give you a constant criticism and
little praise so that you'll curse the

day you ever saw a typewriter.

If that appeals to you, then stick
around.

Wow. And you know something? I bet he
was a great teacher.

Could be. I never went back.

Well, listen, if you'd like, I'd be glad
to lend you an excerpt from my memoirs

of the Korean War, tentatively titled
Hell in New Jersey.

Yeah. I bet every guy in the service
started a novel.

Oh, yeah, you wrote one, too, Lou. What
was yours called?

What difference does it make?

No, what was it called, Mr. Grant?

Too Many Foxholes, Not Enough Love.

It had too many foxholes and not enough
luck.

Don't feel you have to entertain me,
Mary.

If you want to work on your story,
please do. Oh, no, no, the story's all

finished. Once I got the idea, I was
just fine.

That's the hard part, isn't it? Yeah.

Ted says he's got his all written in his
head, except for the idea.

He hasn't finished it yet? Mary, he
hasn't even started, and he's been at it

week. He's driving me crazy.

I have a den.

Ted says a writer needs a den.

He bought a smoking jacket and a pipe
and put his typewriter in my den.

And every night, he puts in a clean
sheet of paper and sits with his hands

the keyboard, whimpering.

write my paper for me.

Ted, what are you talking about?

I can't stand being embarrassed in
class. I'm a celebrity.

And if I'm embarrassed, the station's
embarrassed. You owe it to the station,

Mary. Oh, no, I don't, Ted.

Mary, the class is tomorrow night. I
haven't written a word.

No soap.

Mary, can I help it? If I plunked out
English as a kid because I had to work

nights. No good, Ted. Try again.

I'll pay you.

Better yet, I'll give you a mention on
the news. I'll work you in during the

weather forecast.

Hurricane Mary. Ted.

for you. All right, then. I'll write
about this. I'll tell him why you turned

down a buddy in desperation.

Oh, come on, Ted. All you need is an
idea.

And I'm sure you'll come up with
something.

Mary's already finished, Ted.

You did?

Mm -hmm.

What's yours about, Mary?

Well, it's about something that happened
to me when I was 17.

Oh, boy. Another teenage reminiscence.

Ted, please tell us, Mary. I love
stories about being 17.

Well, okay. I'll give you the general
idea.

Oh.

When I was 17, I had a crush on the
class president.

He seemed older and really mature, and I
was just so hoping that he would invite

me to the graduation dance.

But he didn't.

Instead, I was asked by a shy, immature
guy who didn't dance and didn't have a

tuxedo. Boy, you must have been a real
loser.

invitation because I figured that way
I'd get to go to the dance and maybe Bob

would notice me.

Anyway, it was a beautiful spring night
and I had on my first strapless formal.

I bet it was white. Of course.

And when Edwin picked me up, boy, I
mean, I could practically hear the

can I.

Except we didn't get to go right to the
dance.

You didn't? No. On our way, we saw a dog
that had been hit by a car.

He wasn't badly hurt, you know, but
Edwin insisted that we take him to the

so we did, me and my formal gown.

Poor Mary.

Poor daughter.

Did he pull through?

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, but we got to the
dance really late, and instead of

Edwin that it was all right, I sulked.
He had ruined my evening.

He didn't mean to.

that i was upset but that it really
didn't matter to him whether or not

liked him that what mattered was whether
or not he liked himself boy and that's

when i knew who the mature one really
was

Nervous? No, I'm really pretty
confident. I mean, I'm almost eager.

Oh, boy, not me.

Good evening, class. Well, let's see
who's scheduled to read tonight.

Miss Richards and Mr.

Baxter. Mr. Baxter, I think we'll start
with you, please.

Good luck.

This is a very long speech. I had a busy
week. News stories break in every hour.

The merit isn't measured by the word,
Mr. Baxter. It's what you have to say.

Please read it.

Storm -tossed waves pounded the beach
and a blizzard shrieked round my ears on

the night of my high school graduation
dance.

Sure, maybe I couldn't afford a tuxedo
because I was saving every penny to go

veterinary school.

That was no reason for my date Edwina.

to sneer at me.

At last, I reached her house.

One look at Winna in her first strapless
gown, and I realized who the mature one

really was.

Suddenly, a cry filled the air.

One of her father's pride stallions had
gone into labor.

Crossing aside, caught to the dance, I
rushed to its side.

Boiled water, I...

knelt beside that animal and at dawn I
saw my reward.

Six brand new baby horses.

I love you, Edwina murmured.

In that moment, I learned the lesson of
my life. Who cares?

I replied, I love myself. The end.

Thank you.

I have never been so happy to tell a
story in my life.

This is a story about somebody so
insensitive, yes, insensitive,

Ted Baxter, that he would use part of a
person's life to get a crummy three

minutes of attention.

This is somebody so, look at me, Ted.