Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

I'm giving Gordy a raise.

Oh, Mr. Grant, isn't that nice?

No, it's not.

I know Channel 6 is looking for another weatherman. I don't want to lose him.

Anything for me?

Yeah. A couple of cards, as a matter of fact. What's the occasion?

Anything else?

No, that's good.

This looks like birthday cards to me.

Oh, Murray, I bet you're right.

Well, it's certainly easy enough to check.

All right.

Everybody who wants a chuckle, gather around.

Just gather around.

Murray, for as long as I've known you, you've made a habit of putting me down.

You enjoy making a fool of me, don't you?

Look at it this way, Ted.

Someone has to do it.

I'd like to see you try something out. Go ahead. Just start something.

Okay, Ted.

I think your newscast last night... Shut up, Curly.

fall people jokes.

What's that book?

Heckler Stoppers and One Line Toppers.

I sent away for it. Hey, Murray, you were right. Today is Mr. Grant's

Oh, yeah? How old is he?

Well, let's see. He was born in 1925, so... I'll get it.

I said I'll get it, Mary.

Well, I can't get it if you're going to stare at me.

That's what I had.

Why do you suppose he didn't want us to know that this is his birthday?

He sure was secretive.

Maria just thought of something.

This is his first birthday since... You're right. Since what?

Since he separated from Mrs. Grant.

I mean, they were together all those years. Oh, this has to be a really

depressing time for him. I know, I think you're right, Mary. And Lou isn't the

kind that wants people feeling sorry for him. Oh, I know, and I just feel so

sorry for him.

go in and tell him some of these jokes you do for old people.

Let's see.

You're so old that your wrinkles have wrinkles.

These are old people jokes.

I really don't think they're going to cheer Mr. Grant up. I've got to go in

there and talk to him about Gordy's raise anyway.

Why is Gordy getting a raise?

Well, because Mr. Grant doesn't want to take any chances of losing him to

another station.

Why aren't I getting a raise?

Say, Gordy, I just recommended you for a raise.

Thanks, Steve. There's no need to thank me. You deserve it. The weather's been

very good lately.

I need your signature on this.

Okay, Mary.

Mr. Grant, could I say something personal?

I guess so.

Happy birthday.

Every year, my mother sends me $25 and says to get myself something nice with

it. I used to go out and get myself a suit.

Now I go out and get myself a steak.

Where's the other one from?

One of my daughters.

This little fluffy cottontail is hopping right your way to wish you lots of love

and joy this very special day.

Well, it's the sort, you know. She didn't write it. She bought it.

Every morning he goes to the office and writes little fluffy cotton tales.

Probably. Then at night he goes home and kicks his dog through a hedge.

So, uh, what are you going to do about your birthday?

It doesn't matter what I do about my birthday. It's just like any other day.

Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's.

Don't you have any plans for your birthday?

I don't plan things, Mary.

I just like to let things happen. I like to be spontaneous.

Call me Madcap.

But that's the way I am.

Ready, Mayor? Oh, no, Rhoda, I can't go to lunch today. There's just too much to

arrange for Mr. Grant's surprise party.

Anybody go to lunch?

Uh, no, um, but why don't you go, Mr. Grant?

Where's Murray?

Oh, he went to lunch already.

Oh, I guess I'm not that hungry after all.

Mary, tell me again, why are you doing this?

lonely, Rhoda. I mean, I'm sure that's why he didn't want us to know that today

is his birthday.

So everybody wouldn't get sentimental and make a fuss and embarrass him.

Exactly. So you're going to get sentimental and make a fuss and

Yes. No, I don't think I'm going to.

Rhoda, I just can't stand the thought of him celebrating his little birthday all

alone. So, you going to help me? Sure, I'll help you. Stop off on your way home

from work.

Get some, let's see, club soda. Right. Yeah, and ginger ale. What is this? Oh,

large cake.

Oh, yeah. About a gallon. of ice cream. And I'll just have coffee. Lou, can I

get you anything from that?

Hey, Rosen,

Mary has to stay here. You want to go out for lunch?

Okay. Why not?

There you are, Lou.

I taught you.

Hi, Sue Ann.

Do you wear your sleeves rolled up because you know what wonderful arms you

have?

I just keep them up so I don't get any stuff on them.

I don't know about you, but I find shyness in a man irresistible.

Don't tell me the happy homemaker has eyes for Lou. I think so.

Well, he meets all her requirements.

He's a U .S. citizen between 18 and 65.

You don't have to lean on that jacket. Let me get that for you.

You simply take your ordinary...

Wrap it around your hand, and then the lint is gone.

It's nice not to have any lint.

So, where are you eating lunch?

Oh, no place fancy. A joint I know, run by an ex -mess sergeant.

I always go there on Friday because it's special as catfish and chili.

prepare tomorrow's show.

It's a salute to poultry.

Uh,

yeah. Okay, uh, come on, Rona. Okay, Lou.

But listen, I am on a diet.

Do you think they have catfish with cottage cheese?

So long, son.

Isn't it funny how hyper -masculine men feel threatened by very feminine women?

Gee, I hadn't noticed that.

I threaten a lot of them.

So, how are things on the Happy Homemaker set?

Oh, glories. We're taping a special.

So far today, I've poached Merrill, rendered lard, and coddled an egg.

It's a full life, isn't it, Sue Ann?

Listen, I don't want to keep you or anything.

What are you going to give Lou for his birthday?

How did you know it was his birthday?

Oh, a little bird told me.

something super special.

Well, I don't know how super special it's going to be, but I am going to give

him a surprise party.

Terrific! You just get him to your place and I'll do the rest. And Mary, I

promise you, I can show you a thousand and one tricks that can turn any

gathering into an affair.

I'll just bet you can.

I'll see you at your place at 7 .30.

Right now, I have to go stuff a duck.

Listen, I just want you to understand. I understand.

I mean, it's perfectly natural.

A lot of people feel depressed on their birthday.

How did you know it was my birthday?

I remember.

Last year this time, I wished you a happy birthday, Lou, and you didn't

me, so... I'd rather no one else knew about it. Well, you can trust me, Lou. I

know a little about tact.

How's it feel to be pushing 50?

lump in my throat.

Now, look on the bright side, Lou.

These are the golden years, the twilight of a happy life.

I'll remember that. Days dwindle down to a precious few.

September, October.

I think maybe I've been cheered up enough for one day.

You know, when you think about it, it's incredible.

Two -thirds of your life shot just like that.

You shouldn't have.

Don't get embarrassed. It's nothing fancy.

Well, what brings you down to the old newsroom?

Well, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and give you your present.

I knew you'd be going out later.

Well, you just didn't happen by because you were in the neighborhood.

Come on. Of course not. I wanted to give you your present.

This is your husband you're talking to.

Come on, Edie. I know you.

Lou.

You came here to... flirt, didn't you? I came to give you your present. No, no,

listen. I know when you're flirting. You're flirting, right? I am not

Come on, come on. I know you're flirting. Come on.

I know when you're flirting. Come on.

I didn't see you do that.

Why did you go kitschy -kitschy -coo?

All right, Gordy, all right, drop it.

Lou, it's just kind of a hard subject to drop.

You know, it's not every day that a guy's boss walks over to him and says, I

don't want you to say anything about me going kitschy -kitschy -coo.

Good night, Gordy. Good night, Lou.

Good night, Edie.

Lou, I know what you mean.

I won't say anything to anybody about you going kitschy -kitschy -coo.

Can I tell them that you said kitschy?

You know, you can still hug me when I give you a present.

Yeah, I don't know I can still hug you.

You want to?

In a newsroom?

There's no one here.

Okay.

But a rotten dip.

What is the theme of this gathering?

Oh, uh, happy birthday, I guess.

Oh, Mary, that's so humdrum.

Let's come up with a theme.

Our decor should say something.

Maybe...

trade on the theme. Say, here's an inspiration.

Last month, one of my viewers asked for help with her grandfather's 80th

birthday.

I suggested a kiddie party.

A kiddie party.

Don't you love it? We blew in the face of time.

All the old timers got lollipops and balloons, played musical chairs, wore

at the table.

Tell me, how did Grandpa feel when they put him up on the pony to get his

picture taken?

We agreed.

I told you I was just going to have one drink and then I'd be going.

Well, yeah, but you didn't tell me you were coming ten minutes early.

What's that got to do with it? Well, I didn't give the scotch a chance to

breathe.

Mary, I want to thank you.

Oh, no, it was just... No, no, not for the drink.

We're not having a party for me in the office today.

I know there was talk about getting me a cake and champagne, and, well, I just

want to thank you for heading it off.

Oh, Mr. Grant, don't...

You wish me many happy returns. I said thank you. What else is there? Well,

on, sit down.

It's Friday night.

I'm alone.

You're alone.

Hey, I really want to be alone.

Mary, are you going to have a party for me?

No.

Why do you ask?

Because I hate parties and I hate being surprised.

So, of course, you can imagine how I feel about surprise parties.

You got it.

It's funny how the bell should ring just as we're talking about surprise

parties. Yes, it is.

Oh, come on, Mary. The surprise is over. This was our rotten trick, Gordy. What

are you telling me for? How could you do this, Gordy? I didn't. This was a lousy

thing to do.

I'm leaving.

Oh, Mr. Graham, please.

Let him go. Who wants him?

You shouldn't have talked her into this. Now I want to get out. Now wait, wait.

Listen, I'll tell you what.

We'll just let Murray in.

reason to keep me stuck out in the hall. That's no reason, no reason at all,

Lou. Here's your present. Happy birthday.

You know, so I'm really, I'm just, you know, totally in sympathy with you

But, Mr. Grant, why are you doing this to me?

I mean, look, I am a person who lives all her life trying to avoid scenes, you

know? And there are 24 people out there ready to bash down my door just because

I want to give you a little party.

Forget it, Mary.

We can have a good time with just us. Right, Lou?

You think I enjoy doing this to you?

I know how horrible this evening is to you.

I know how horrible it is for all those people out on the stairs.

But I can't stand it, Mary. I really can't. You can't stand what?

Any demonstration of affection.

I don't know how to handle it.

How to respond to it.

I never have.

It's a big problem for me.

Mary? I'm sorry.

Mary, can't you just go out there and explain to them how I hate this sort of

thing and tell them to go away?

No, I can't do that. I invited them here.

Mr. Grant, I'm really sorry.

Hey, Mary, you have nothing to apologize for. That's right. You worked pretty

hard for this party. And you know why, Lou?

Because she didn't want you to be alone on your birthday.

Look, Lou.

I want you to know I'm not going to lay any guilt on you because that's what my

mother always does to me, and I hate it.

But if she were here, my mother would say, Lou, do what you want.

It doesn't make any difference if you are ripping out the hearts of those who

love you.

That makes sense, Lou.

I'll let him in.

You said you would have.

They threw a surprise party for me.