Original subtitles

Don't wake up, Daddy.

Don't wake up, Daddy.

Don't wake up, Daddy.

Did we wake you?

Was Michelle Pfeiffer just touching me?

Uh -huh. Was Nipsey Russell sitting in a barcalon just singing to my

grandfather? Yes, he was.

I thought I was dreaming.

What time is it? It's tomorrow.

Are you kidding me? Did I sleep the whole night on the couch? Uh -huh. Oh,

sweetie, I'm sorry. I must have got all caught up in the editing here. That's

okay. Actually, I slept like a log. Oh, boy.

You know what?

Me too. This couch, I gotta say, surprisingly embracing.

Well, you should try the bed without you.

I'll have to do that. Seriously, it was like being in a palace. You could roll

all around, sleep diagonally, no big lumpy guy there next to you. Not you.

All right. Listen, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna make us all an

elaborate and wonderful breakfast. Some eggs, bacon, and a lovely stack of

toast. Yippee!

I'm Peppy. All right, I'm Peppy, too, but I'm not... Peppy and Peppy and

bursting with love. What is that? It's from The Odd Couple. Tony Randall sang

it. All right, but there's no reason to, you know, you can just keep... Because

I am.

What? Peppy and Peppy and bursting with love.

Hey,

boss, here's those tennis balls you were looking for.

Why, Marvin, what happened to your nose?

It always looks like that.

It always has that much gauze on? Really, Marvin, what do you do on a

I mean, last week you come in with the rib thing. The week before that, you're

limping around.

I bang my head against my knee.

You what?

I went out dancing, and I banged my head against a disco ball.

A disco ball?

I looked into a toaster way too far.

What do you do on weekends?

I... I've been wrestling semi -pro.

You what?

Yeah, look.

Wrestling semi -pro? Right there.

Saturday night, Staten Island Armory.

Grudge match.

Leon Farkas versus Marvin Bluestone. There you go.

Leon Farkas? Your nose was damaged by a man named Leon Farkas?

Lucky blow, lucky blow.

This is hard for me to picture. I never really thought of you as like a wrestler

-y type of guy.

I'm 6 '2", 290.

I don't know. I'm not saying you're not tough. I just never thought of you as...

Come on, go ahead. Slug me.

I don't want to slug you. I'm just... I never thought of... Go ahead.

Both of you, slug me. Now you're talking crazy. Come on!

Let's go, fellas. I'm waiting.

All right. You asked for it.

Harder. Harder. Come on.

Faster. Harder. Harder. Harder.

Summer breeze makes me feel fine.

Flowing through the jasmine.

Man. In my mouth. Wow. You're just solid.

All over. Up and down. Solid as a rock. Except this little area behind my ankle.

That is quite weak.

You're kidding me? Your Achilles heel is actually your Achilles heel?

Huh?

Achilles. Achilles from Greek mythology?

The warrior. He was a big warrior and totally impervious to pain except for

exact spot?

Achilles? It hurts in your ankle? Oh, yeah.

Marvin is a wrestler. It's unbelievable.

And my mom, man, she is so proud.

Well, listen, what mom wouldn't be with the leotards and the hair pulling and

the health benefits?

Now, Marvin, you know, you should not overlook the money -making possibilities

in the wrestling field. What are you going to do to him? No, no, I'm just

saying, but you know what? You've got to do something about the name. You know,

Marvin Bluestone does not sound like a guy who crushes skulls. Sounds more like

a guy who runs for president of a synagogue.

Well, what do you suggest?

Yeah, I would say that maybe you go with a persona.

You know, Chief J.

Strongboy had the headdress. You know, Hulk Hogan is a freaking Hulk.

Neil Masqueras has like a thousand masks.

All right.

How about Marvelous Marvin Bluestone?

Yeah, the Marvin Bluestone, I think, is tripping you up.

But you know what? How about Gorilla Boy?

Gorilla Boy.

Yeah, yeah.

Half man, half killer monkey. Killer monkey, you say? That's right. That's

right. We get you a nice big suit, a mask. You know, you jump in a ring, you

jump around, you bang on your chest. Every time you pin a guy, you show him

big red ass.

Hey, is this polyester? Do you have any idea? Marvin? You think you can make

like a gorilla noise?

I don't know.

Give it a whirl.

There you go.

That's right.

Yeah, a little more.

Good, good, good.

Robin,

you really have a natural instinct there. Really? Absolutely.

You could scare the bejesus out of people. I bet I will.

You will, and you know why? If you need a front man, you know, like a Don King

to your Mike Tyson, you just give me a call. Yeah, and if you need an

give me a bus.

You coming to bed?

You know the secret of editing?

No. All right, well, then I'm going to be here a long time.

Sorry. That's all right. I hope I don't pass out on that couch again.

Me too.

Unless it would mean you'd finally be done and then I would endure it for one

more night.

Really? Yeah.

Okay, you know what? Maybe we should plan on that. Okay. Yeah.

Well, good night. Good night.

Love you. Love you too.

But in truth, tonight we reward ourselves for work done previously.

Oh, a mash marathon.

And now, introducing, from parts unknown, Gorilla Boy!

And his handler, the man who discovered him while on safari, and the only human

being he will not harm, Dr.

Ira Livingston!

Bananas! Bananas! Bananas for you! Here we go! Come on! Come on! Come on, come

on, here we go. Hey,

watch it. Come on, here we go.

That big monkey is my son.

All right, here we go. Now, this is it. Remember, this guy is nothing.

I feel really primal tonight, boss.

Like a rabid dog.

All right, here we go. Go in. You go get him, gorilla boy. Yeah!

What's with this guy? It's a persona, you idiot.

What?

A

persona!

I love you, everyone!

You can't talk. You're an ape. You'll get old.

Oh, my God. What was I thinking?

I'm so glad your work is done.

Oh, me too.

It's so great to have you back.

It's nice to be back. Nice to see you in the crib.

Not to mention a little girl in the crib.

Good night. Good night.

You know, it's near the end of the last season.

The bigger one?

Unmashed. The rerun cycle. We're in the middle of the last season.

You can't believe how good the last few episodes were. Yeah, they were good. Oh,

boy.

Harry Morgan really, he took it to a whole new level.

And the clinger. She's killed me. This is really, really funny. Really funny.

Oh.

God, I never called Lisa back.

You want to call her right now?

We could be on for a while. That's okay. You know what?

I'm going to watch the show.

Really? Yeah, sure.

And if I happen to fall asleep on the couch again... Then you do. Yeah, so

I'll just see you tomorrow? Okay.

All right.

Guess who I saw today.

Hint, someone we hate.

Angela Spino, all blotchy and out of shape.

Okay, three...

husbands, and three kids.

Yeah, I was like, hi, Angelo. She was like, hi.

Mesh.

No, stay in the living room.

Laurie, this is the one where Hawkeye kisses Hot Lips. Oh.

Sorry, Gilboa.

Is it freakish what we're doing? No, it's really not. We're two consenting

adults and we're gladly agreeing to sleep separately because that's what we

to do right now. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the alone time. I just

enjoy it so much. I can be myself when I'm alone. I mean, I can be myself when

I'm with you, but I'm a better person when I'm with you. When I'm by myself, I

can be the person I don't really like so much and I really like that.

Listen, you don't got to tell me. Last night, I ate a microwave burrito off my

own stomach.

Hey, guys.

Why is this? Allow me to introduce myself, Dr. Ira Livingston, the man who

discovered Gorilla Boy.

Wow. I tell you, this act is working out big.

Already I got Marvin booked against better wrestlers in better halls. I'm

cleaning up on the side bets. Are you taking advantage of Marvin?

James, Marvin's made as much in the last three days as I've paid him in the last

six months. Oh, so just up till now you've been taking advantage of him.

no, but that's... Hey, you know what? I'd really love for you guys to show up

tonight. I mean, it's his first appearance as the main event.

Ooh, who's he fighting?

You're not going to believe it. Uh -oh. Check this out.

Macho man Randy Savage.

Boy, that sounds dangerous. Even for a gorilla boy, that sounds bad. Can you

come? Sure.

Fantastic. I'll see you there tonight. How beautiful.

We'll be there.

Hey, hey, what's with the sheets?

You guys got a house guest?

Oh, uh, no.

No?

Uh, can I say? Sure.

We're just, uh, I'm sleeping on the couch for now. Oh, guys, I'm so sorry.

no, no.

No, what you think, it's just we're taking a little break, that's all. Oh,

God. No, there's no break. I understand.

No, I don't think you do. You don't understand.

It's not what you think it is. I think I'm going to cry.

I've got to get more bananas.

What did we miss? Well, Bruno, six of them alone, put Jebediah, the Amish

Hellcat Bodine, into a sleeper hold, apparently.

cutting off his blood supply with his sixth finger. Yes, we don't know much,

we don't think the Amish Hellcat will recover.

I see what you mean.

At least his family is watching it on TV.

Because the Amish, there's no electric, they can't... Forgive me, Paul, Jimmy,

do you know Marvin's mother, Cassie Bluestone? Oh, my goodness!

what you guys are going through.

No, no, no.

There's nothing going on. You don't have to pretend with me. Just do me one

thing. Read this book.

Learning to love your spouse.

It almost saved my first marriage. Did you have to bring a copy of Mind Your

Business? Better to take it out on me than on each other.

You're a winner!

man is a macho macho man i want to be a macho man listen kids i was very

sorry to hear what's going on between you two and i want you to know we'll do

everything we can to help you patch it up oh lordy it's not a big deal oh i

i know it's very classy it's like your european royalty you each have your own

room we just have one piece of advice visit her visit her in her room go to

Okay, thank you, Dad.

And his opponent, now coming to the ring from darkest Canada, half man, half

monkey, he's been called the Missing Link, the eighth wonder of the world,

King John, here he is.

on the show of your life. Are you ready?

Well, my tail's kind of riding up. I don't know. I'm okay.

You know, I think I can take him.

What are you talking about? You think you can take him? You're scheduled to

lose. Lose?

I can't lose. My mom's here.

Marvin, you have got to lose.

I put serious money on the fact that you were going to lose. I told the league

that you were going to lose. I'm sorry, boss. I can't lose.

What about the aping? Don't stop aping.

I can't lose.

I'm not going to throw this fight. Have you lost your mind? You will never

wrestle again.

Never wrestle again?

Oh, oh, oh.

Okay, I'll let him win. Oh, not a gorilla boy.

But your man is a wuss. A big wussy.

You're quite a big fan, huh, Mrs. Bluestone? Oh, yes, yes.

You know, you two are such a handsome couple. Oh, that's sweet. It's a shame

you're having such trouble.

Oh.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

Not okay!

Oh, my neck. Come on, my neck!

Make it in. Make it in. Make it in.

My kidney!

My kidney!

My kidney again!

Oh, my God.

Can't you just let me lay down?

Oh!

Are you sure this is such a good idea? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're doing

great, Gorilla Boy. Here.

Banana.

Oh, banana!

Ow. Ow.

Uh -oh. Control Man Randy Savage!

You're doing a fine job, by the way.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, no!

Oh, not up. Not up.

Don't want to be up here.

Why didn't I go to law school?

Oh, this can't be good. What is it? Here comes the Macho Man Flying Elbow Drop!

That would be the Macho Man Flying Elbow Drop. Thank you.

Uh -oh.

Boss!

Help!

in front of my mom.

And again.

Look at me. I'm pounding.

you off with my famous leg twists leave me alone boss

man this monkey is dynamite his achilles heel is his achilles heel pal it's not

the time for riddles okay just bite him on the back of the foot really yes is he

basically a clean guy

Sorry, Mrs. Gloucester.

Mrs. Gloucester?

Hey,

you know what?

Do you want to stay over tonight?

We're sleeping here with you?

Why not?

Oh, they got to you, didn't they?

No. Yes, they did. The nagging Buckmans. Look what they did. They broke your

spirit. Maybe they... a point in a backwards sort of way. Why? No, what,

what, why?

Maybe it's a slippery slope, you know? Maybe the first step on the road to ruin

is two or three nights apart. Maybe we need to be more careful.

Maybe even if we're tempted to sleep apart, there's a greater, godlier reason

sleep together.

I want to watch MASH.

No, I want to read about Gwyneth. All right, so good, so good.

My name is Gwyneth, and I'm this big round.

Please stay tuned.

Mash will be right back.

This could have been my night, Ira.

I could have taken Macho Man apart.

You see what happens?

He wins, and I get a one -way ticket to Palookaville.

Come on, Marvin. It worked out great.

You're my manager, Ira. You should have done that to me.

You should have looked out for me a little bit instead of telling the guy

exactly where to bite me.

You saw a lot of money tonight, kid. You're going to see a lot more very

I understand.

I could have had class.

I could have been a contender instead of the first wrestler ever defended by his

mother, which is what I am. Let's face it.

Marvin, what are you, a psycho?

You're in good with the wrestling league. They're hyping you to go against

champ in like two months.

Really? Yes.

We're in very, very good shape, my friend. It's what I'm trying to tell

Oh.

Your attention, please.

Tune in tomorrow night at 11 .30, MASH fans, as the Korean War begins all over

again with Episode 1, The Pilot.

That is all.

I went to Juilliard, you know.

Marlon Brando, Al Pacino, Constantine Stanislawski, all those guys.

I can't tell you how many movies I've done. 10, 15, 20. I lost count. Really?

Did you know that my brother's in Chicago?

I mean, not the city, the rock group.

So if you ever want to go to the concerts, you know, get your front row

Dr.

Winchester, can I see you for a minute?

You sure? Yeah, let's go. Nice talking to you.