Original subtitles

And then we'll baby -proof the rest of the apartment.

We'll shorten all the telephone cords because, of course, the child could

accidentally pull the phone down onto herself.

God, I never thought of that. I've seen it happen.

And then we'll putty down all your pictures in your bric -a -brac.

Bric -a -brac?

Bric -a -brac could hurt a person? I've seen it happen.

All right, listen, you know, we have a guest coming shortly. Then we'll magnet

lock all your wall unit doors, just like we did to the kitchen cabinets and

drawers. Well, there's nothing in there but videotape. My friend, she could yank

one out, unravel it, twirl it. Oh, I don't think... I've seen it happen. What

happened?

I will need to do something with this wine rack here. You know, we should just

get rid of that, because we never drink anymore.

True, I'm still breastfeeding. He's got this tannin allergy.

Yeah, so you can imagine a wild Saturday nights around here.

Okay, well, I'm going to go downstairs to get the rest of my stuff, and then

we'll get started. Thank you so much. Thanks.

Okay, I'm going to take a wild guess. This guy's bathtub is covered with those

rubber daisies.

What do you think?

Nice. He's your baby proofer. You want him to be a paranoid freak. I guess. I

suppose so.

Hey, hey, Professor Twilly is going to be here like any minute.

Twilly? Yeah, Professor Twilly.

Nathan Twilly.

That's the guy whose class I'm speaking at.

By the way, I invited him back here after class for lunch because he knows a

of critics, and I just think the more I suck up, the better.

Yeah, perfect.

Did I tell you the subject?

violence in films. I'm going to talk about Pulp Fiction. I figured it was a

great idea. And I'll talk about the character Marcellus and the foot rub and

that went. Well, what?

Wow, Nathan Twilley.

Nathan Twilley. Why, you know him?

Um, I know who he is. He taught at Yale when I was there. Of course, so you know

him. Yeah, I, uh, I took his class, actually. Yeah, so, oh, so you know him.

Yeah, I sort of know him a little bit, sort of socially.

Good. All right, so what did you know?

Yeah, we were pretty darn social, actually.

I understand. So you know him? Yeah.

Honey?

Oh.

Oh, so you know him? I know him, yes, I do.

Wow. Yes.

Well, that's something. Yeah.

That's interesting.

Boy, that just doesn't seem right. I mean, that's an Ivy League school.

Honey, once the lights go out, nobody cares what you got on your SATs.

That's such a cliche, you know, a college professor taking advantage of

position and swooping down on an innocent young... No, no, no, no, he did

swoop. There was no swooping. No, he swooped. No, I pursued him. He was so

and brilliant. He had this, like, electric mind.

And he was kind and sensitive.

Yeah, you know what, honey? Big swooper. No!

I would sit there every Wednesday in the same place, second row on the end, and

I would flirt with him the whole class long. I would smile, I'd do this...

sensual thing, this little hand thing. It was me.

What do you mean? What do you mean hand? What did you do with your hands?

Whatever. This little... It was a hand thing. Whatever. Nothing.

Well, now you've got to tell me what the hand thing is.

I would go, here is the church.

Here is the steeple.

Open the door and see all the people.

I've got to have you right now. You know what? It was very, very sexy at the

time. Sweetie, can I tell you something? He swooped down and you was swooped

upon. No.

Hey, there.

Hi, Nat. I was the one who was hungering for my first sexual experience. Oh,

dear.

What? What? What? I didn't want to waste myself on some frat boy who'd never...

Have I come at a bad time? I can just... No, no, no.

So this is the guy who took your virginity? Oh, yeah. I'll just...

No, it's just, you know, it's just news.

That's, uh... No, it's not upsetting me, because it's a long time ago. And,

listen, you graduated, so... Wait, I'm going to guess an A in film.

Hey,

listen, onward we move. All right.

Don't worry about it.

Is it going to be awkward for you, though? I mean, that's, you know, being

around a guy who opened a door and saw all those people. No, it'll be fine.

You sure? Because no kidding around. I mean, that's a very odd thing, to be

around an old sexual partner.

It was one night.

Oh. One solitary, incredible night. He was a phenomenal lover.

All right, all right.

I'll bite.

What?

Why? Why phenomenal?

He had a gift.

Okay, okay. What do you mean? What do you mean? What kind of gift? A gift.

Whatever it was. It was a gift. No, come on. Now you have to tell me what the

gift was.

He...

Without touching you, with everybody fully clothed, he could stare at you,

long, focused stare, and he could bring a woman to

orgasm.

Well, Merry Christmas, that's a gift.

If I might, because then you can just finish. Come on now.

Come on, Marie.

Come on, Marie.

Dog.

You promised me this isn't upsetting you.

I'm really not upset, because A, it was way before my time, and two, you know,

listen, although I use my eyes for more conventional purposes like, for example,

seeing, I have to be totally secure in my sexual prowess. And well you should

be. And by the way,

You know, I had wonderful teachers in college, too. I'm sure you did. Didn't

sleep with them. I didn't sleep with them. I would just ask them things like,

hey, when is the final? But, you know, that's me.

Where are you going? I'm going to comb through my hair. Okay, you fix yourself

up nice, and I'll welcome into our home the first man with whom you ever slept.

Oh, Paul.

Professor Twilley.

I have just heard so much about you.

Really? Yeah, please, please, come on in.

Please, I'm... You know my wife, I believe, Jamie Buckman.

Nay Stemple.

Hello.

Actually, no, I don't believe I've had the pleasure. Nathan Twilley.

Nathan, think back.

Okay.

Yale.

1984, postmodern cinema.

Second row on the end.

I'm terribly sorry. I just don't recall.

Uh, hey, no staring.

Hello? Can I help you?

Hi. Um, I'm looking for a Mr. Ira Buckman. Hey, you got him.

Oh, hi. I'm Cheryl Gendelman.

Gendelman? Gendelman? How do I know that name?

I'll give you a hint.

Max Gendelman, loving husband to many, devoted father of Toots and Leon

Gendelman, 1909 to 1988.

Wait a minute. I know that epitaph.

Of course you do. The Buckmans and the Gendelmans have adjoining burial plots

the gates of Damascus Cemetery.

Nice to meet you. Nice to put the face together with the stone.

Here's the thing. My cousin Leon passed away suddenly over the weekend.

And his last words were, bury me sideways.

So we promised that we would.

Well, that's a little out of the ordinary.

Well, in order to bury him sideways, we need another plot.

Specifically, that of a Mr.

Paul, Paul Buckman.

Paulie? Yeah. I don't think Paulie's going to go for that, but I tell you

why don't you do this?

You know, why don't you take your cousin Leon, you bury him regular, but you

tell him that you're going to bury him sideways.

Oh.

I didn't mean to... All right, hey, hey, hey. How about this?

Sideways, but folded nicely.

Okay, bad idea.

You know, I've just had a really, really difficult couple of days, and I just

need a little compassion, okay?

Okay, okay.

Do you think it would be... What?

Would it be okay if we just went for a cup of coffee or something?

Sure.

Hi.

Hi. Did I miss it? I hope I didn't miss it. No, it didn't even start yet.

Oh, good.

So what do you think? This looks like a crowd that would like to hear us talk

about Pulp Fiction, huh?

How can they not remember me?

Because you were easy.

was the film that, although flawed in some respects, put Lina Wertmuller on

map because it... Because

it...

Because

it... Because it unified comedy and political philosophy in a manner which

reach the masses.

Yeah.

Would you all excuse me just one moment?

Jamie?

Yes?

I'm so sorry. Of course I remember you. Well, thank God.

That was quite a night.

It was, wasn't it? I'll say.

I'm sorry.

It's entirely inappropriate for me to talk about it now. You're married. You

have a child.

I'm very happy for you. Thank you.

Wait a minute.

Does Paul know about... Uh -huh.

Does he know that it was your... world premiere?

Yes, uh -huh.

Good Lord. Jamie, don't you have a diary or a clergyman you could talk to about

this kind of thing?

I don't think he believed me about the stare.

Oh, my God. You told him about the stare?

Are you crazy?

He's fine about it, Nathan, really.

Jamie.

Jamie, a man may tell you that he's untroubled by being in the company of

man who first made love to his wife, who first took her to places both

physically and emotionally that she had never been before, in ways that she had

never got there before.

Or I'm going to go out on a limb and say, since...

But believe me, such a man is just putting up an antic disposition.

In his heart, he's filled with rage.

Oh, you had to do the stare, didn't you?

Couldn't help yourself, could you, stud? No.

Idiot!

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please help me welcome the director of a

wonderful new film, Buckman.

Mr. Paul Buckman.

Thank you. Thank you, Professor, for those kind words.

You know, today's subject being violence in film, I thought we could discuss one

of the more jolting films in recent memory, Pulp Fiction.

Now, if you recall, in the beginning of the film, we hear of a man named

Marcellus who has thrown a guy through a window simply because the guy

massaged the foot.

of Marcellus' wife.

So think about that.

Think about that.

Marcellus was willing to take a man's life and violently,

violently, just because the guy rubbed his wife's toes.

Now that gets your attention, doesn't it?

Doesn't it?

So, Cheryl, tell me something.

What is it with you gentlemen and sideways?

So, you don't think you're going to have any trouble getting Paul to sign over

his burial plot? Oh, no problem. He'll understand.

You're a good soul.

I'm glad I already have a burial plot because you're killing me.

That'll teach you to massage the foot of the wife of another man.

Revenge is mine.

Yeah,

thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you, Mr. Butler. Wasn't that wonderful?

Just to make your hair stand on end.

Well, I guess that's it. Class dismissed.

Gave it a shot. So what do you say? Ready for lunch? Oh, you know what? I

think that I can.

Of course you can. We're going to pick stuff up on the way home.

Come on, a little socializing wouldn't kill you.

No, no, really.

You know what it is? I forgot. I have student conferences.

What students here would like to have a conference?

Student conferences being held right now.

Extra credit for any student who would like to confer.

I'd urge you to do it right now. For both our sakes, please.

Now.

Help me.

Help you.

So, lunch?

Uh -huh.

After you.

Great.

I've been looking forward to this a long time.

I can't believe the elevator's still out.

I've been down anywhere.

I am so hungry, I could eat like a fried human being.

Me too. Very hungry.

Yeah. Let me take your coat, Professor.

Oh, please.

Hang on.

Oh. Oh, this is going to be irritating, honey.

Any thoughts?

Boy, I just don't know.

Just had the place baby -proofed. Oh, I'm not even sure what we're supposed

to...

I'm fine. Let's put some ice on that. That would be nice. This baby pooping

gets... Look at this.

Proofs everything. It leaves a nail gun out. How careless is that?

Oh, my God.

Oh, let me apologize. I am so sorry. It's okay.

Are you sure? Oh, yes. Come on, ice. Let's get you some ice. That would be

Put some ice on that. It'll fix you right up.

I love that vase.

Hey. Hey. You know, your elevator is out. Yeah, I know. I know.

Well, listen.

If I asked you to sign something without telling you what it was, would you do

it? What? Of course, yeah. If I told you it was really important to me and just

to trust me and sign it without asking any questions, would you do it?

Of course.

Okay, good.

Sign this, would you?

What is it?

I'm so sorry that happened. What are you going to do?

What, are you crazy?

What? Are you out of your mind?

Listen to me.

I want that burial plot.

I need that burial plot.

I plan to make very good use of that burial cup.

I don't care if this guy is cut up and buried in sections, all right?

I wish I could remember what I did with those ice packs.

How about I go buy one? No, no, no.

I'll find it.

I'm so sorry.

The ice packs, they're under the sink. I'll get it. No, no, no. I'll get it.

No, there's no reason you should do that.

Please, I will get it. I will do the getting. The getting will be done by me.

Sure.

Boy, this is tricky.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This guy puts these magnets on every door.

The trick is you've got to swivel the magnet just to get it to the exact right

spot. Ow!

It's perfectly all right, but I really should be going because I... I'm cold!

I'm so terribly sorry.

We've got to get you something to eat.

What I need is liquor, and a lot of it.

So, what did Paul say?

He said no.

I've got to go.

I have to go find a member of the, uh, Cowchuck family.

Cowchuck? The burial plot on the other side.

All right. Some lovely beverages.

Jamie?

No, no, no. That's the professor's.

Oh.

That's yours. That's mine. That's yours.

Thank you.

You know, that class was such an honor for me today. It's such a thrill,

when I saw those kids, I mean, they seemed like they were captivated. They

really, oh, no, no, you don't want mine.

You don't want mine. That's just grape juice in there.

Oh? Yeah, I have an allergy to tannin, so I couldn't be trying to kill me.

But I really felt they were hanging on my every word.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Still breastfeeding.

You know what?

I'd like to make a toast, if I might.

To, uh, to violence and film.

Come on, drink up, drink up.

Ah, shoot!

Oh, no,

no, no, no, I'll get some...

For

God's sake, buy a bigger coin!

Clean up the messes.

What kind of coat is that?

What is it, some sort of gang uniform?

a roof for the elevator car there.

That I've never seen happen.

Well, give me your hand. I thought you liked it. Of course.