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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,200 What are you reading? 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,400 Julius Caesar. 3 00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:09,700 Oh, that's for your Shakespeare group? 4 00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:10,519 Uh -huh. 5 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,180 That's so cool that you do stuff like that. I should do stuff like that. It's 6 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,680 good. Keeps the brain sharp, keeps the wit sharp, the IQ up there. 7 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,600 Keeps you interesting to your mate. 8 00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:21,500 Huh? 9 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:23,800 Doesn't really matter. 10 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:43,970 Tell me why I love you, love you, love you. Tell me who can start my heart as 11 00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:44,970 much as you. 12 00:00:45,350 --> 00:00:48,930 Tell me all your secrets. I'll tell you most of mine. 13 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,190 This ain't nobody's perfect. 14 00:00:51,410 --> 00:00:53,390 Well, that's really true this time. 15 00:00:53,650 --> 00:00:55,330 I don't have the answers. 16 00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:57,310 I don't have a plan. 17 00:01:17,540 --> 00:01:18,540 James, 18 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:28,860 put the book down. Stop dilly -dallying. Get going. I'm going, I'm going. You've 19 00:01:28,860 --> 00:01:30,660 got big things to do. Big day for Jamie. 20 00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:31,900 What? 21 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,620 It's quitting time. 22 00:01:34,940 --> 00:01:35,940 Quitting time. 23 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:37,580 Jamie, you're quitting today? 24 00:01:37,820 --> 00:01:41,680 Yes, I am. Yeah, yeah. Well, she says she is, but she tried a hundred times, 25 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:45,020 then she just cannot bring herself to do it. I can do it. I'm just worried about 26 00:01:45,020 --> 00:01:49,120 Lance. What's going to become of him? He will be fine without you. Believe me, 27 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,240 he's ready for this. Trust me, he is prepared. 28 00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:54,500 I can quit any time I want to. You know what you need? A little withdrawal 29 00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:56,760 patch. I'm waiting for the right time. 30 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,120 When would that be? What, are you going to just shout out the words while 31 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,340 actually having the baby? 32 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:05,670 I've been waiting for Lance's campaign to get an upswing, and it's finally on 33 00:02:05,670 --> 00:02:07,630 one. It's a huge upswing. It is. 34 00:02:07,830 --> 00:02:11,470 We're up in the polls. We finally have money coming in, and as a crowning 35 00:02:11,470 --> 00:02:15,490 achievement, I've booked him on Newsnight with Judy Kaufman. Wow, she 36 00:02:15,490 --> 00:02:19,230 Pope on last night. You know that I've never ever seen Newsnight? 37 00:02:20,010 --> 00:02:21,010 Why not? 38 00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:22,109 I don't know. 39 00:02:22,110 --> 00:02:23,190 It's all in opposite Popeye. 40 00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,950 What happened to all the umbrellas? Huh? 41 00:02:26,550 --> 00:02:27,550 The umbrellas. 42 00:02:28,310 --> 00:02:29,790 Oh, I think I have some in my office. 43 00:02:30,390 --> 00:02:31,390 How many? 44 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:33,280 Six. 45 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,320 Fran, Fran, it's a bird. 46 00:02:39,540 --> 00:02:41,400 You say that like this happens all the time. 47 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:43,360 Hey, look for the eyes. 48 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:45,640 Don't look. Go for the eyes. 49 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:49,720 What the hell is a bird flying in here for? You left the window wide open. 50 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,500 Since when is that an invitation to exotic birds? 51 00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:55,900 Leave the door open, what is a cougar going to walk in? 52 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:01,000 I have to get to work and lead Fran to safety. Will you get rid of it, please? 53 00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:03,080 Yeah, I'll do that, because as you know, I am a falconer. 54 00:03:06,180 --> 00:03:08,440 Hey, Murray, take care of that. 55 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,220 What am I paying you for? 56 00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:18,660 This sounds like a really great plan, I think. 57 00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:21,880 You boys think you have the cojones to do this? 58 00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:23,900 Yes. Yes, Arthur. 59 00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:28,390 TV studio has been taken care of. Is everything set on your end? 60 00:03:28,590 --> 00:03:29,289 Everything's set. 61 00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:32,650 If this goes down the way you promise, we will be most appreciative. 62 00:03:32,970 --> 00:03:34,410 How appreciative? 63 00:03:34,690 --> 00:03:36,230 This is just a taste. 64 00:03:37,870 --> 00:03:39,690 My favorite flavor. 65 00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:56,850 Sorry, I just... Nice blouse. 66 00:03:58,270 --> 00:03:59,770 Yes, good workmanship. 67 00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:02,370 May sustain many washings. 68 00:04:03,390 --> 00:04:05,530 Thank you. What were you guys doing outside? 69 00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:07,270 Outside? Outside. 70 00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:08,950 Outside? 71 00:04:09,710 --> 00:04:10,710 Outside. 72 00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:13,130 In the alley. I just saw you. What were you doing? 73 00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:14,850 Having a catch. 74 00:04:16,730 --> 00:04:17,730 Having a catch? 75 00:04:18,089 --> 00:04:19,570 Yes, we were having a catch. 76 00:04:20,310 --> 00:04:22,350 Why did that man hand you an envelope? 77 00:04:22,590 --> 00:04:23,590 What envelope? 78 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:25,680 Oh, this envelope. 79 00:04:25,860 --> 00:04:27,260 Oh, well, I have this one. 80 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,760 And I asked him to hold it while we were playing catch. 81 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,240 Hello, everybody. Hey, Lance. 82 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,220 Hey, who's better than you are? Nobody. That's who. 83 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:47,040 Jamie, I'm sorry I'm late. My wife, she had this silly dream that something 84 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,020 terrible would happen to me today. And she begged me to stay home. 85 00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:54,640 So weird. I'm reading Julius Caesar. His wife does the exact same thing. 86 00:04:54,980 --> 00:04:57,320 And what's the terrible thing that happens to him? 87 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:58,920 He's stabbed to death in public. 88 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:00,780 Ooh, that would be terrible. 89 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,980 Now, whenever you're ready, I'm going to drill you for your big Newsnight 90 00:05:04,980 --> 00:05:05,799 interview today. 91 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:06,800 Oh, my God. 92 00:05:07,420 --> 00:05:08,239 That's it. 93 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,920 That's the terrible thing. Lance, it's national exposure. 94 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:15,180 Yeah, but it's with Judy Kaufman. That woman tears people to ribbons. Did you 95 00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:18,460 see what she did to the Pope? That's because he wasn't briefed. You will be. 96 00:05:18,950 --> 00:05:21,010 It's going to be the best thing that ever happened to your campaign. 97 00:05:21,310 --> 00:05:26,010 No, no, no, no, no. See, I am terrible at those things. I mean, my mind goes 98 00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:27,570 blank. I can't remember anything. 99 00:05:27,790 --> 00:05:31,230 I say the first thing that pops into my head. I mean, let's face it, Jamie, I 100 00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:34,850 choke under pressure. Why I think I can be mayor is beyond me. 101 00:05:35,930 --> 00:05:39,210 You've gone on television before. You've done fine. Just be yourself. That's 102 00:05:39,210 --> 00:05:41,490 what people respond to. Be myself. Be myself. 103 00:05:42,950 --> 00:05:45,210 Maybe a slightly idealized version of yourself. 104 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,560 I will be with you the whole time. I will not leave your side. You promise? 105 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:54,060 course. Oh, that makes me feel so much better. I don't know what I'd do without 106 00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:55,039 you. 107 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,040 Uh -huh. 108 00:05:57,260 --> 00:06:01,120 Don't chicken out. This is a big opportunity for us. And if Lance 109 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,320 to get hurt for it to happen, then that's just too bad for him. 110 00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:05,400 What's going to hurt Lance? 111 00:06:06,380 --> 00:06:07,380 Jamie, hi. 112 00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:13,440 I was just saying that if Lance Brockwell ever knew how much we cared 113 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,840 He would be so overcome with joy that his heart would actually hurt. 114 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,040 That's what you were saying? 115 00:06:21,220 --> 00:06:22,540 Did you overhear anything else? 116 00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:24,580 No. Then yes. 117 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:27,620 Okay. 118 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,260 Lance, can I talk to you for a second? Sure. 119 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:39,680 Now, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think you may be the victim 120 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:40,680 some sort of plot. 121 00:06:41,340 --> 00:06:44,860 What? I know. I know it sounds crazy, but I happen to be reading Julius 122 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,840 and I swear it's playing out here. 123 00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:50,720 Troy and Vladimir are like Brutus and Cassius, and they're trying to destroy 124 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,280 you. Those two? 125 00:06:56,380 --> 00:06:57,380 Hey, Vladimir. 126 00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,020 Is my wife around? 127 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,940 Oh, Jamesy. She's talking to Mr. Brooklyn. 128 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:04,140 Oh, what do you call her? Jamesy. 129 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:05,720 Jamie. 130 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:07,500 Jamesy. Jamie. 131 00:07:07,740 --> 00:07:08,740 Jamesy. Jamie. 132 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,160 Jamesy. 133 00:07:11,359 --> 00:07:14,340 Jamie. Jamesy. Jamie. Jamesy. Jamie. Jamesy. Jamie. 134 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,560 Jamesy. 135 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:16,800 Okay, yes. 136 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:23,900 And then, this morning, a cockatoo flew into our apartment, and that's in the 137 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:26,020 play. It's got to be some kind of omen. 138 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,620 Oh, Jamie, you are so cute. 139 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:34,180 I remember early in my career, I was reading Crime and Punishment, and I did 140 00:07:34,180 --> 00:07:38,760 exact same thing. I saw parallels all over the place. Everywhere I looked, 141 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:40,820 was Crime and Punishment, Crime and Punishment. 142 00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:44,560 Of course, I was working in the DA's office at the time. 143 00:07:46,020 --> 00:07:49,080 Please, just promise me you'll be careful around them. I will. 144 00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:51,020 You found a cockatoo? 145 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,700 Well, actually, it found us. 146 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:55,580 Why don't you just kill it? 147 00:07:58,980 --> 00:07:59,599 Kill it? 148 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:00,780 You know, squish it with your foot. 149 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:05,900 It's not a bug, you know. It's a fairly large bird. 150 00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:07,300 So spray it. 151 00:08:07,540 --> 00:08:09,060 Spray it and throw it in the trash. That's what I would do. 152 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,960 Boy, New York is just losing its small -town feel, isn't it? 153 00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:19,140 Hey. 154 00:08:19,210 --> 00:08:20,890 Hi. What are you doing here? 155 00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:22,330 Xeroxing for free. 156 00:08:22,370 --> 00:08:23,370 Oh. 157 00:08:23,810 --> 00:08:26,970 Plus, I am taking my suddenly jobless wife out for lunch. 158 00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:28,650 So, so, how do you take it? 159 00:08:28,870 --> 00:08:30,850 Fine. I haven't told him yet. 160 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:35,510 What are you doing? It's not a good time. Something is going on around here. 161 00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:38,650 Yes, you are procrastinating. I need a bigger envelope. 162 00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:42,950 I'm not procrastinating. Troy and Vladimir are plotting against Lance. 163 00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:46,310 What are you talking about? I'm serious. It's just like Julius Caesar. 164 00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:49,320 Who, Yippie and Yappy? 165 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,280 You will see, they're acting very shitty. 166 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,440 Here, Jamie, you're going to need the directions to the Newsnight studio. 167 00:09:03,180 --> 00:09:04,180 Shoo! 168 00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:05,660 Shoo! 169 00:09:05,780 --> 00:09:07,780 Hey, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo! 170 00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:11,840 Look at him up there looking down at us. What do you suppose he's thinking? 171 00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:14,520 He's thinking, boy, both those guys are losing their hair. 172 00:09:20,699 --> 00:09:23,600 Listen to me. Do you have any idea how much that thing is worth? 173 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:25,720 Cooked or raw? 174 00:09:26,620 --> 00:09:30,340 I'm not kidding. This thing is an exotic bird. It's worth like five grand. 175 00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:32,060 Get out of here. I'm serious. 176 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:34,880 Somebody pay $5 ,000 for that? 177 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,420 Yeah. People just have too much money. 178 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:42,720 Wally, the guys use this to meet women. You know, it's like instead of dogs. You 179 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,140 know, you teach them how to talk and then they hit on chicks for you. 180 00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:48,300 How lazy could you get? 181 00:09:50,310 --> 00:09:53,630 They say things that you can't say, like... Nice ass. 182 00:09:53,930 --> 00:09:54,930 I cut it off. 183 00:09:54,990 --> 00:09:56,790 Nice ass. Nothing. Nice ass. Nothing. 184 00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:00,990 Listen, you know what? I'll tell you what we should do. 185 00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:03,470 We should capture it. We should sell it to a pet store. 186 00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,190 No, no, no. What are you doing? What are you doing? Shh, shh, shh. You've got to 187 00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,190 sneak up on it. 188 00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:08,430 I saw this on Doctari. 189 00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,650 Oh, I know. 190 00:10:11,450 --> 00:10:15,130 Now what do we do? I've got a plan. 191 00:10:15,390 --> 00:10:16,690 You see, it looks so sad. 192 00:10:17,490 --> 00:10:18,710 It looks melancholy. 193 00:10:19,829 --> 00:10:21,070 I got a melancholy cockatoo. 194 00:10:22,870 --> 00:10:23,870 Here. 195 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,850 What's going on there? What is this? Put those on. 196 00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:27,910 Pretend we're in the bleachers at Yankee Stadium. 197 00:10:28,450 --> 00:10:30,050 We're at Yankee Stadium, but we're making soup? 198 00:10:31,910 --> 00:10:32,829 Come on. 199 00:10:32,830 --> 00:10:34,430 Oh, I don't like this at all. Are you ready? 200 00:10:34,850 --> 00:10:35,970 Ready? Joke! 201 00:10:36,710 --> 00:10:37,710 Hey, hey, hey! 202 00:10:38,410 --> 00:10:39,410 Ready? 203 00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:41,270 Joke! Come on! 204 00:10:46,220 --> 00:10:47,940 See how short a pattern they're all up in there? No. 205 00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:50,020 I got an idea. 206 00:10:51,060 --> 00:10:52,700 Yes? Shoo! 207 00:10:57,020 --> 00:11:01,620 Where is everybody? 208 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,480 Are you here for sex date? 209 00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:05,120 Here, fill this out. 210 00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:08,100 Seven months pregnant, I've actually already had my sex date. 211 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,900 I'm looking for Newsnight. 212 00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:13,560 Oh, Newsnight. 213 00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:15,500 They tape across town. 214 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:17,910 God. What? 215 00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:19,570 Have you ever read Julius Caesar? 216 00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:24,450 Uh, no, but there is a great Star Trek novel where Kirk meets him. 217 00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:34,270 Well, let me handle this. Watch the master at work. 218 00:11:35,310 --> 00:11:38,630 Okay, me and my friend here, we've been, uh, we've been thinking it over and, 219 00:11:38,670 --> 00:11:41,590 you know, it seems like 5 ,000 would be fair, huh? 220 00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:43,290 I'll give you $500. 221 00:11:43,510 --> 00:11:44,510 We'll take it. No, no, no. 222 00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:48,990 $500? Come on, you got a bird in the front window exactly like that for six 223 00:11:48,990 --> 00:11:50,430 grand. I'll give you $500. 224 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,710 All right, we'll take it. 225 00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:55,350 No, no, come on. Look, the nice man is going to give us $500. 226 00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:57,970 What's it, $500 is better than nothing? What's the matter with you? It's no 227 00:11:57,970 --> 00:12:01,570 good. $400. Okay, we're losing money now. You see what I'm saying? These 228 00:12:01,990 --> 00:12:02,990 300. 300. 229 00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:05,510 Okay, see what's happening? It's evaporating right as we speak. 230 00:12:05,950 --> 00:12:06,950 200. 231 00:12:07,050 --> 00:12:10,510 200. Okay, well, it's all going away right before our eyes. Don't worry about 232 00:12:10,510 --> 00:12:11,510 it. It's $100. 233 00:12:12,070 --> 00:12:15,130 $100. Okay, why don't you take that? It's 50 bucks a piece. Let's just cover 234 00:12:15,130 --> 00:12:16,130 time. Zero. 235 00:12:16,530 --> 00:12:17,449 What did you say? 236 00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:19,770 I will give you zero for this bird. 237 00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:22,270 Zero. 238 00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:23,710 Not 500? 239 00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:24,850 Zero. 240 00:12:26,030 --> 00:12:28,850 400, 300, 2, 1. Those are all gone now? 241 00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:30,089 That's right. 242 00:12:30,090 --> 00:12:31,090 Zero. 243 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,600 Okay. We're just going to come back in. We'll try this again. 244 00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,320 This is where they do Newsnight? 245 00:12:50,660 --> 00:12:51,920 Why is there only one chair? 246 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,880 Lance, your naivete is so endearing. 247 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:55,960 Newsnight is based in Washington. 248 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,980 You'll do the show from here by remote. 249 00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,280 Really? 250 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,300 Boy, I'll never get the hang of this new technology. 251 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,140 Anyway, Lance, let's get this behind your ear. 252 00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:10,880 Vladimir, don't just stand there like you're waiting online for toilet paper 253 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:11,880 Moscow. Help me. 254 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,259 What's this? 255 00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:20,800 This is the earphone so you can hear Judy Kaufman's questions. It's also how 256 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,760 I'll be able to communicate to you from the booth. Oh. 257 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:27,960 Now, you're on in exactly one minute. One minute? Oh, no, I can't do this. 258 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,000 Where's Jamie? 259 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,680 Not to worry, Lance. Everything's under control. 260 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:50,100 Hello. I'm Judy Kaufman in Washington, and welcome to News Night. 261 00:13:50,340 --> 00:13:55,660 My guest this evening is New York mayoral candidate Lance Brockwell. Good 262 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:56,660 evening, Lance. 263 00:13:58,160 --> 00:13:59,200 I'm sorry. 264 00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:00,960 Say good evening, Judy. 265 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:02,800 Good evening, Judy. 266 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:22,300 If I am elected mayor, I pledge to lower... My pants. My pants. 267 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,780 Taxes. Mr. Brockwell, have you been drinking? 268 00:14:28,260 --> 00:14:29,260 Yes. Yes. 269 00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:34,080 No, no. You see, Judy, drinking dulls... The drugs. The drugs. 270 00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:35,980 No, the senses. 271 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,640 Can I please take this thing out of my ear? 272 00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:41,400 You will not be able to hear my questions. 273 00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:43,200 Hey! Jamie! 274 00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:46,000 Jamesy! Jamie? It's Judy. 275 00:14:46,660 --> 00:14:47,660 Yippee! 276 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,470 Lance, don't acknowledge me on the air. 277 00:14:51,910 --> 00:14:53,730 Security's on their way. I don't care. 278 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,390 Mr. Brockwell, do you need a minute? 279 00:15:01,450 --> 00:15:04,950 No, Lance, you can do it. Just use your own words and be yourself. 280 00:15:07,370 --> 00:15:13,630 What I was going to say is that my first act as mayor would be to restructure 281 00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:14,910 the tax system. 282 00:15:15,570 --> 00:15:18,570 thereby creating a surplus that could be funneled into education. 283 00:15:20,830 --> 00:15:21,830 Bird? 284 00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:23,010 Looking for a bird? 285 00:15:23,030 --> 00:15:23,729 Trey Bird? 286 00:15:23,730 --> 00:15:24,729 Would you like a bird? 287 00:15:24,730 --> 00:15:27,370 Hey, here you go. Okay, why is nobody taking our flyers? 288 00:15:27,630 --> 00:15:29,530 Flyers? Nobody takes flyers anymore. 289 00:15:29,850 --> 00:15:32,530 I do. Hey, how do you think I found out about that whole Mafia -Vatican 290 00:15:32,530 --> 00:15:33,530 connection? 291 00:15:33,830 --> 00:15:38,170 Just let the poor cocker too go, all right? He doesn't want to go. I asked. 292 00:15:38,170 --> 00:15:39,170 ask again. 293 00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:42,130 Here. Hey, little birds. Want to fly? 294 00:15:42,370 --> 00:15:43,430 Here. Fly. 295 00:15:44,979 --> 00:15:45,979 Go. Fly. 296 00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:47,980 Fly away. Be free. 297 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,360 Fly like a bird. 298 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:50,600 Be a bird. 299 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,160 Free. Fly. 300 00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:53,700 No. 301 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,680 So keep them. I don't want them. 302 00:15:56,940 --> 00:15:59,560 All right, fine. Give them away, then. Give them away to who? 303 00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:01,240 Excuse me, excuse me. 304 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,600 Could we interest you in a cockatoo? 305 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,680 I guess you misunderstood. 306 00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:17,530 Lance, you did great. Oh, thanks. 307 00:16:18,490 --> 00:16:20,050 I did, didn't I? That's great. 308 00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:24,170 You know, I really feel like I'm on an upswing here. 309 00:16:24,410 --> 00:16:26,010 Gracie Mansion, here I come. 310 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:32,810 Boy, I'm really feeling good about myself. You know what I just realized, 311 00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:33,970 What? 312 00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:35,690 I'm the man. 313 00:16:38,350 --> 00:16:41,830 Lance, that's great, because there's something I've been wanting to tell you. 314 00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:42,909 What's that? 315 00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:44,610 I'm sure you know what I'm about to say. 316 00:16:44,990 --> 00:16:45,990 No. 317 00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:50,070 Well, I imagine you've known this day has been coming for a long time. 318 00:16:50,350 --> 00:16:51,350 I have? 319 00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:55,730 Well, Lance, as I'm sure you've surmised, I'm quitting the campaign. 320 00:16:56,470 --> 00:16:57,470 What do you mean? 321 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,710 Well, I'm pregnant, so... What? 322 00:17:03,570 --> 00:17:04,829 Well, I'm having a baby. 323 00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:07,270 Well, this is a hell of a time. 324 00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:13,079 I did tell you. I can't remember every detail. I'm trying to keep my head above 325 00:17:13,079 --> 00:17:15,900 water here. Oh, my God, this is terrible. 326 00:17:16,260 --> 00:17:17,319 Lance, please. 327 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:18,560 You, please. 328 00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:24,700 You're not making this very easy on me. Easy on you? You're ruining my life 329 00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:27,160 here. Please don't go, don't go, don't have a baby. 330 00:17:27,619 --> 00:17:31,680 What? You're killing me here, Jane. You're ripping my guts out here. 331 00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:32,900 It's going to be fine. 332 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,360 Really, it's going to be fine. 333 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,780 Listen, I've got to go. 334 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:43,400 Lance, 335 00:17:48,340 --> 00:17:49,340 listen, listen. 336 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:54,900 I've really enjoyed working together, and my hope is that we can do it again. 337 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,880 Well, bye. 338 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,160 So what was Beretta really like? 339 00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:16,880 I heard he was pretty intense. 340 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,020 Not even a chuckle from you? 341 00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:22,380 Huh? 342 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,080 What are you reading now, Othello? 343 00:18:25,460 --> 00:18:26,460 Yeah, not really. 344 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:27,640 Want to watch Newsnight? 345 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:28,960 Oh, God, no. 346 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,580 Okay, want to watch Popeye? 347 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:34,920 Okay. Good. 348 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,680 This is good. I love that you're here. This is so good. 349 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:43,020 We can watch TV, we can hang out, we can watch shows that have absolutely no 350 00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:44,020 redeeming value. 351 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:45,700 I'm so glad you quit. 352 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:47,800 What are you doing? 353 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:52,220 What? Do you really think I want to sit here and watch Popeye? 354 00:18:53,780 --> 00:18:55,260 Or Green Acres is on, too. 355 00:18:57,260 --> 00:18:58,260 You like that? 356 00:18:58,560 --> 00:18:59,560 What have I done? 357 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,480 What do you mean, what have you done? You quit. 358 00:19:01,980 --> 00:19:04,000 You said you were going to quit, you promised you were going to quit, and 359 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,000 you quit. 360 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,820 I like my job. 361 00:19:07,420 --> 00:19:08,780 I love my job. 362 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,380 How do I know I'm going to like this? 363 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,080 What? How do I know I'm going to like doing this? 364 00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:18,540 How do you know you're going to like being a mother? 365 00:19:19,260 --> 00:19:26,020 Well, it's a little late now. 366 00:19:26,340 --> 00:19:28,880 I mean, you know, we can get our deposit back. 367 00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:32,120 Believe me, I know. 368 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,620 You know, it's like when we were getting married. You were very happy being 369 00:19:36,620 --> 00:19:37,620 single, right? 370 00:19:37,740 --> 00:19:41,760 Yeah. But you traded that in, you got married, and that was a big risk, wasn't 371 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,340 it? Yeah, it certainly was. 372 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,060 So, let me ask you, how did that work out so far? 373 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,440 So far, not terrible. 374 00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:51,700 So? 375 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:53,360 So. So. 376 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,200 So. 377 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,480 So. So shut up. All right. 378 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,800 You know, sometimes I'm very clever. 379 00:20:09,980 --> 00:20:11,240 You're a very lucky woman. 380 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:12,840 You're a very lucky bird. 381 00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,860 You found my cockatoo. 382 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,240 That's your bird? Oh, Van Gogh, you're alive. 383 00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:25,300 He flew out the window while I was airing the living room. 384 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,700 His name is Van Gogh? I never thought I would say this, but I am enormously 385 00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:31,200 grateful. Here. 386 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,500 Oh, isn't that nice? Look, honey, five dollars. 387 00:20:38,410 --> 00:20:40,510 I must say, I'm very appreciative. 388 00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:42,230 You know he talks. 389 00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,830 Really? Yes. He has pretty eyes. 390 00:20:45,070 --> 00:20:46,890 Really? Yes, I taught him myself. 391 00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:48,370 Watch this. 392 00:20:48,490 --> 00:20:49,490 Then go. 393 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,470 What's Mummy's best feature? 394 00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:52,810 Nice ass. 395 00:20:58,990 --> 00:20:59,990 So, 396 00:21:03,290 --> 00:21:04,310 so where are you from? 397 00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:06,540 I'm from Trenton originally. 398 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:10,720 Moved out here in the early 70s. Some old lady owned me for a couple years, 399 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,360 she passed on. 400 00:21:12,860 --> 00:21:16,720 So then I got sold to some store on 8th Street. That's where this British lady 401 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:17,519 got me. 402 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,280 I got a brother down in Baltimore. 403 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:20,720 I never see him. 404 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,160 That must be tough because you can't write him or anything. 405 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:25,560 I know. 406 00:21:26,020 --> 00:21:27,020 Hey, you want something to eat? 407 00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:28,460 I could eat something. 408 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:30,000 Is that a yes or a no? 409 00:21:30,620 --> 00:21:31,840 If you're making, I'll have. 410 00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:37,850 I'm not making, but I'll make something for you. I don't want to be a bother. 411 00:21:37,990 --> 00:21:38,990 Well, it's too late for that. 29440