All language subtitles for Mad About You s05e16 Her Houseboy Coco

Traffic and weather together, 35 times
an hour. It's three degrees in New York,

but good news, it'll be going up to
four.

Oh. Okay.

So, A, good morning.

And two, is there anybody in the country
colder than us? No.

Where is the heat?

I think the pipe's broke again.

We gotta call Mr. Wicker.

In case the man's not just a super, he's
a psychic.

Oh. Hello.

Hey, Daddy.

Hey, Joan.

Can Jamie get on? Yeah, hold on. It's
Joan.

So tell me. A little hiccup. I knew it.
Very minor.

Remember that thing we talked about the
other day? I went over your sonogram

with Dr. Hutchinson, and he agrees that
it's placenta previa. Uh -huh. Which

means that the placenta's just a little
too close to your cervix. Uh -huh. Which

is nothing to worry about. It'll correct
itself with two or three days bed rest.

That's it? Just bed rest?

I told you, very minor.

All right, well, I should probably try
to stay in bed.

No, you have to stay in bed.

I understand, but if I need to get out
of bed for a second... No, you have to

stay in bed.

Actually, I'm just saying if for one
second... Jamie. I should probably just

probably stay in bed. That is correct.

Not so much as a foot on the floor. Let
me talk to Paul. Hello, sir.

What are you doing for the next two or
three days?

Uh, not much today. I got a meeting.
What are you doing for the next two or

three days?

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go uptown? What
are you doing for the next three days?

I'm staying home, taking care of my
wife. Yes.

Whatever she wants, you get. Whatever
she says, you do. If she leaves that

it's your fault. Got it?

My fault. Good.

If there are any distractions, any
stress, any anything, it's what, Paul?

Entirely my fault? Yes.

Jamie, feel good. Behave yourself. I'll
check in later. Tell my sister -in -law

to feel good. Debbie, too, would like
you to feel good. Tell her thank you.

Thanks, Joan.

So it's minor, right?

That's what she said.

Very minor. It's a couple of days' bed
rest.

You like the bed, right?

I love the bed.

Yeah, you sleep in this bed every night.
I do.

So it'll be like that.

Just a little longer.

Not my favorite phone call, though. No,
no.

Okay, but you know what?

I am here, and I will take care of you.

No, I don't want you to have to take
care of me. Please, it's my honor. It's

thrill. Really?

Come on, this will be fun.

What?

Nothing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
See, right here. You tell me.

I was going to get out of bed and grab a
sweater because I'm cold. No, no, no.

We're talking. See, that's the kind of
thing. Sweater is coming up.

Oh, it's cold. Oh, wow, wow, wow.

Okay, no, sweetie. You've got to learn.
You've got to learn to go with this.

Doctor's orders. No, no, no, honey. Out
of the other drawer. Out of the other

drawer. Okay. Sorry.

Sweater. Uh, no, no, no, no. Pull over,
pull over. Okay. Sorry. Okay.

Honey, that's the vest. Vest? No vest,
no vest.

No vest. Here.

Scratchy. Scratchy. Too scratchy.

Here, nice, huh? Yeah.

No, okay.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, see?

I was kidding with the other sweaters.
Wow.

Wow. Wow.

Oh. Thank you. Hey, please, no problem.
I'm so sorry.

Sweetie, you have to learn to let others
do for you. But I feel guilty.

Guilty? Hey.

You're going to deprive me of the
privilege of nursing you and your little

placenta back to health?

You're very nice. I'm very nice.

I'm very cold.

I can file the phone. Hey, hey, hey.

Not on my watch.

I'm going to get Mr. Wicker up here too,
sweet. Take care of you. You shouldn't

be cold. Mr.

Wicker, Buckman's, 11D. I need you up
here right away. There's no... The whole

building.

I see.

I see.

Oh, I see. Okay.

He'll be here whenever he can.

In the meantime, what would you like for
breakfast?

Oh, you don't have to make me breakfast.

Hey, breakfast is just the beginning.
There'll be breakfast, there'll be

there'll be dinner, and snacks in
between.

All brought to you by me, your loving
houseboy, Coco.

Now tell me, tell me what you would like
for breakfast.

Whatever is easy. Cereal.

Come on.

Whatever, an egg.

An egg.

Don't insult Coco.

Seriously? You tell me. Anything your
little heart desires.

Anything my heart desires.

Okay.

Potato pancakes?

All right, sir. No, no. Potato pancakes
it is. Coco leaves now.

Coco's cold! I'm sorry, sir.

You know what? It's not even that bad.
I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Coco's getting dressed.

Coco's going to get dressed a little
more.

Now, I'm dressed.

I'll be it like an extra in Gandhi, but
still, I'm all right.

Okay. Ready to face the... Oh, no.

What?

What did you do?

What did you do? What did he do?

He retiled the bathroom. What did he do?

He peed on the bathroom floor. What did
you do?

Does he look all right to you?

I don't know. Does he?

I don't know. He just seems not himself.
He seems a little distant, a little

detached, a little blasé.

Harry, are you blasé?

Hello.

Hello.

Hi, Ma. Still got those keys, do you?

Good, that's nice. Uh, what are you
doing here?

I come up here sometimes during the day.

You're usually gone.

Well, isn't that something?

I did not know that. No.

What's with you? You're still in bed.

Joan's orders.

Really? Two or three days bed rest. Oh,
well, it's lucky I'm here. I can get

whatever you want. No, Ma, I'm here for
that. In fact, you know what? We should

not even have anybody else here. Well,
don't mind me.

I'm just going to measure the room.

You know what?

You remember that crib you liked?

I got the catalog.

Really? Yeah. And I was thinking that if
you just got rid of the piano, the crib

could go right there. Oh, who peed on
the bathroom floor?

Interestingly enough, it was colorful
method actor Christopher Walken.

What did you do?

What did you do?

Forget it, Ma. Either he doesn't know or
he just won't say.

Is everybody decent in here? Yeah, come
on in.

Hey, Mr. Buckman. Oh, hey, two
generations of Mrs. Buckman. Hi, Nat.

Murray. Hey there, Murray Tyler Moore.

I know what you're thinking, Murray. It
ain't a fit day for man nor beast to go

out there. But the good news for man and
beast today, I have purchased matching

Gore -Tex parkas.

That is awfully considerate of you, Nat.
Oh, come on.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you,
Murray of the North.

Is this smart looking?

That is a very smart outfit. In terms of
the walk, I think you're actually a

little bit late.

Late? What are you... Oh!

Oh! Oh, what did you do?

What did you do?

Murray, if you talk now, they may go
easy on you.

Mr. and Mrs. Budman, I am so sorry.

Oh, it's okay, Nat. No, no, no, please.
I will clean it up. If you don't mind, I

just, if I may, use this newspaper.
Yeah, go ahead. The Arts and Leisure,

though, I didn't read yet. I'll skip it
now, though.

You know, this dog doesn't look right to
me.

I was just saying that. He looks glazed
over like your father when we saw the

English patient.

He does, you see. I think maybe it's
time to set him free.

What are you talking about?

Unleash him to walk freely in heavenly
pastures. Put Murray to sleep?

Hey, there.

Besides, you're having a baby. Oh,
there.

I'm just saying, maybe you don't want a
dog anymore.

Hey, there. Oh, there, hippie. How, how?

Ma, this is Murray. We love Murray.

Oh, you big animal lover. Do you know
that he once flushed a turtle down the

toilet because he was tired of feeding
it?

I was four years old, ma.

What we are at four, we are at 40.

Does he look all right to you?

Oh, yeah, Mrs. Buckman. He looks right
as rain.

All right.

I guess we'll be on our way then. Come
on, Marie.

Come on, Marie Povich. Come on, Marie
Queen of Scats.

How could you not be crying?

Strength of character.

Look, can I please help you? No, Ma. No,
we're all done. I got everything under

control. Coco is here.

Who's Coco?

I'm Coco.

I'm leaving.

I'll get... No, no, no. Coco gets the
phone.

Hello? Hey, Pauly.

Hey, Iris.

Pauly, is everything all right? Yeah,
it's fine.

Hey, how come you're crying?

I'm not. No, I'm not crying. I'm making
potato pancakes.

And there's onions.

Oh. Listen, Paulie, did you forget about
the meeting or what?

Oh, the contract?

Yeah. Oh, you know what? Can you sign
for me?

I don't think so, Paulie, no. You know
what? Just forge my signature. The

suits, they won't know the difference.

Well, they might.

What? You know, they're all right here,
Paulie, with me on the speakerphone.

Did they like my little joke?

Listen, I'll call you back, all right?

You okay in there? Uh -huh.

Do you think you could bring me my
toothbrush, though? I'll get it. No, no,

I got it. That's Coco's job. Coco's got
it.

Sorry. No, no, no. I'm sorry. What's the
matter? Nothing. Why are you crying?

Just because I love you so much.

Onions? And that.

And some toothpaste.

Toothpaste without toothbrush?

Sorry. Okay, please. Very important part
of the whole brushing process.

And some water.

Boy, it's like I never brushed my own
teeth in my life. Okay. I'm sorry.

Oh, please.

What did Coco say? No sorrys. Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. Okay.

Water and the extra bonus spittoon.

Coco is very good to me. Hey, you're
nice enough to bear Coco's child.

What's that smell?

What's that smell?

Oh, oh, oh, hey, Mark, hey, do you not
smell half the village is burning?

Suddenly Wolfgang Puck needs help.

Are they okay?

Yes, everything's fine.

Everything's fine.

I think I actually made potato coasters.

I'm sorry.

What did we say? No sorries. The next
ones will be oh, so potato -licious.

Coco is on the ball here.

Hello. Hello.

Hey there, Mr. Buckman. Hello there,
Mrs. Buckman. It's Nat on the line here.

Hello, Nat. Is everything all right?

Yes, it is.

I did want to tell you one thing,
however, and that is that I have, for

protection, I have kidnapped Murray.

If I may.

What do you mean you kidnapped Murray?

I'll call you back. Call you back. What?

What is that? Paul? Huh?

Oh, hey, hey, hang on. Hang on.

Oh, hey.

Not good.

Help. Okay.

Here we go.

How are you enjoying the day so far?

Our dog has been kidnapped.

Honey, it's Nat.

You know, it's not the Symbionese
Liberation Army.

Okay, okay, okay, come on. No stress, no
distractions, no nothing.

Can you get me some water?

Okay.

Hello. Hey there, Mrs. Buckman, it's Nat
here. Nat, thank God.

How are you?

I'm fine, Nat. Could you bring our dog
back right now, please?

Well, I'd like to do that, Mrs. Buckman.
I truly would, but unfortunately I

cannot. And beyond that, I will not
until certain demands are regretfully

What do you mean? What kind of demands?

Um, I'll call you back. No, no, no, no.
Why do you have to keep calling us back?

Come on, Mr. Buckman. Everybody knows
you keep me on the phone line for

than 60 seconds so you can trace the
call.

Matt, we don't have to trace the call.

We know you're calling from your
apartment.

How do you know that?

I have your number, and if you hang up,
I'm just going to call you back.

Well, fine. It won't do you any good.
Why not?

Because I'm not here. There.

Nat,

listen to me. I'm sorry. That's 60
seconds. I'll call you back. Of all the

to get your dog kidnapped.

Hey there, Nat here.

Nat, it's Paul.

He's just going to keep hanging up,
isn't he?

Will you get me a tissue?

Yeah. Boy,

I guess the whole polite phase, that's
over, huh?

Nat, please, what do we have to do to
get Murray back?

Huh? Hello?

May I please speak to Sylvia Buckman?
Uh, Bert?

Who is this?

She'll call you back.

Okay, I'm at... Tissues.

Bert, she'll call you back.

Oh, all right, then. Bye -bye. No, no,
no!

Oh, all right. Well, here are my demands
then, Mr. and Mrs. Buckman.

You got a writing implement there? Yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're taking to this asking for things
like a fish to water.

Okay, go ahead.

Of course, if this were a bad day
afternoon or three days a day at Tandor,

be demanding such items as a jet to the
airport, a jet to... Jack, what are your

demands? Well, um... Oh, go back.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

What is this now? We're just snapping?

What?

Who is it?

Wicker. Come in. Mr. Wicker. Thank God.
It is so cold.

Sorry about the pipes.

What's that smell?

Horses?

Okay, that doesn't sound good at all.
Kind of a major problem here. Can I use

your phone? No, no, no. Paul, cell
phone.

Cell phone.

You know, you wouldn't know it to look
at her, but my wife only recently had a

problem asking people to do things for
her.

I wouldn't know. Yes.

Who is it?

It's Bert.

Bert Buckman.

Paul's father.

Sylvia, Bert called.

Come in, Dad. What are you doing? Come
in.

Nobody call me back. My fault.

Oh, what do I smell?

Tires?

You take this end here and go back in.
Good news.

The Spear Brothers plumbers are on their
way.

Who is it?

Lisa. Come in.

Okay. You know this plant you gave me
for Christmas?

Die?

Dude, strangle it? You're going to have
to return it. Lisa, this is really not

the best time. What are you still doing
in bed? Joan's orders. I've got to stay

in bed for a couple of days.

Oh, you're sick?

Let's play Yahtzee. No, I don't...
English, no Yahtzee. No Yahtzee. It

stress and it's very loud.

Oh, you just don't know how to play.

Who is it? Who's that?

Debbie, come in.

Debbie, come in. I know I'm not supposed
to be here. Mom.

I was so excited I couldn't help myself.

You know that gift I was having made for
Joan's birthday? Uh -huh. I'll have to

show you this.

It's a charm bracelet with all of the
medical instruments on it. Oh.

All right, Debbie. That's enough. You
never saw it. Okay. Hey, you want to

Yahtzee? Yahtzee? Ooh.

What have we got here? A 42 -foot crib
is going in here? What's happening?

How long is that?

11 feet. Good.

Why didn't you stand? Why didn't you
move when you saw it coming? It was like

bullet.

Do you have any band -aids? Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Right in there, Debbie. You're in

the nightstand.

Who is it?

Spear Brothers.

Come on in. The Spear Brothers. Wow,
that was fast.

We were right down the hall. All right,
well, then it was slow, actually.

What are we doing?

Boy, guys, it's nice to see you. It has
been so cold in here.

Yahtzee!

Who is it? Hey, Paulie, it's Ira.

Ira? Yeah, can I come in?

At this point, what the hell is the
difference?

Paulie, I would like you to meet
Roushling and Partners.

Huh? Suits, suits!

Well, uh, you know, it's actually not
the best time. I'm a little busy, and

sorry I made fun of your suits before,
as you see. Who am I to talk, you know

what I'm saying? You know what, just
give me a minute. Make yourself

comfortable. Say hello to my parents,
Bert and Sylvia Buckman. Hi, nice to

you. My, my hand. Yeah, you'll be fine.
Okay, just have a seat there.

You'll be fine. Guys, how many
apartments we did today already?

A hundred and five.

Oh, I can imagine.

How you doing?

Who's that?

It's Nat.

Nat, please.

Nat, come in. Absolutely, come in.

Hello. Whoa, geez, who are all these
people?

We don't know.

You setting me up, Mr. Buckman? No,
we're not setting you up. Matt, where's

Murray? Don't worry about Murray,
please. He's being kept in a safe place

our transaction here is complete.

I made up a list of demands here. If
you'd be good enough to review it, at

assign it. Matt, I trust you. I'm sure
there's no reason to read it. With all

due respect, Mr. Buckman, I put a lot of
work into that document, so...

A list of demands, honey. We agree not
to put Murray to sleep no matter how old

he gets.

No problem with that. Yes, we agree to
continue to love Murray no matter how

many children we may have. Even like two
or five.

Whatever. Yes, we love Murray. We
solemnly pledge to brush his teeth by

once a week.

Hey,

okay, okay. We'll brush the teeth. We'll
brush the teeth. Fine. We get a deal

then. Yes, we have a deal.

Okay. Can we have Murray? Where is
Murray?

All right.

I got some more great news. The Spear
Brothers have done it again. We have

Hallelujah. Thank you, gentlemen. You're
brilliant.

Hey.

Hey!

Hey there! Ho there, hippie. How, how?

Oh, my.

This is not what it looks like. I know
that. Paul, Paul, do you know what all

this is? This is entirely my fault.
Bingo!

Yatsir! Take care of it.

Do your job.

Okay,

you're going to have to leave.

Do your job, Paul. I'm trying to do my
job. You really all have to get going.

Paul, do your job.

Everybody out!

Let's go.

We don't need to care for months. Never
too soon to think about... Okay, Pop,

you're going to be fine. I used your
last band -aid. That's okay. You got to

Let's go.

Roushley, where do I sign? Ready, ready.
Okay, signing.

Thank you very much. Show them the door.

I can stay. No, you really can't.
Goodbye. Thanks for coming. Good luck

your whole nation. Thank you very much.
Plumbers, terrific.

Very much enjoyed the heat. You know,
you should think about doing a film

plumbers. I will do that someday.

Mr. Wicker, you're my hero. I'll see you
next summer. Yes, of course.

Debbie, I can't believe you're here.
Does anyone listen to me? I couldn't

myself. Okay, why don't you go home and
think about what you've done wrong,

little lady, okay?

Lisa! Yes? Go!

No? Yes, go! Take the yachts and go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go.

Nat, you're a wonderful man, but it's
time to play you about your life. I'm

sorry I had to resort to capital crime
to make my point here, Mr. Wagner. You

know what? We appreciate it. It's no
problem. In fact, would you mind taking

for the rest of the day?

Would I? Come on, Marie Asmund!

Come on, Rosemary's baby!

Very good, Paul. I am very proud of you.
Well, I'm not done. You, out!

I came to check on Jamie. Well, Jamie's
fine, isn't she? Out, out, out, out,

out, out. He'll be back after he's over
his little power trip.

Okay.

See? Coco has done his job.

Man,

I'm hungry.

All right. Now, Murray, believe me, I am
not looking forward to this any more

than you are. You don't want to have
your teeth brushed. I don't want to be

brushing them.

But I'm legally bound to brush these
teeth.

Let me just give you a rundown. This is
the brush. I'll be coming at you. I'll

be putting a little of this toothpaste
onto the brush.

Here's what you're going to see. You're
going to see a side, side, side, up,

down, up, down. All right? Up, down, up,
down, side. Murray, side, side, side.

Now, I'm doing just the teeth that show.
All right? There's no point. And Matt's

never going to see the ones in the back.
All right? So I'm just going to brush

the ones that show.

All right? Now, I'm going to ask you one
time and one time only.

Is it safe?

Is it safe?

I'm going to try.