All language subtitles for Mad About You s05e11 The Recital

A, everything about it is appealing.

Everything that traffic will allow. And
two, and this is really what you've got

to keep in mind, nowhere can you get
that happy feeling when you are stealing

that extra bow.

So what you're saying is, there's no
business like show business. That's all

saying.

Tell me why.

I love you like I do.

Tell me who can stop my heart as much as
you.

Let's take each other's hand as we jump
into the final frontier.

Mad about you, baby.

I can't believe you bought all of these
maternity clothes.

How long were you pregnant? Like four
years?

Okay. Can I say something? I know. It's
the ugliest dress you've ever seen.

Pretty close.

You won't care.

All right, now come on. This is very
fetching.

Yeah, you wear it then.

What the hell is that?

That's Ryan.

Doing what?

The violin, silly.

No, I knew it was a string instrument. I
just thought maybe it was a harp.

Wow. His teacher says he's a regular
Yasha Heifetz.

Was he good?

Ryan! Ryan Mendelsohn!

I don't know how!

Our kid could take violin lessons.

That'd be great.

Hey, Ryan's class is having a recital
next Friday. You guys should come.

That could be fun.

Yeah. Do you know I played in a recital
when I was seven? Really? I played the

Moonlight Sonata. We actually got a
letter from Beethoven's estate saying,

it out.

Friday afternoon, I think we have that
thing.

What thing?

That thing with your parents?

My parents don't have a thing. You know,
you remember that thing?

They certainly don't have a thing in the
middle of the day.

All right, we'll be there.

Oh, the thing?

With my parents.

Yeah, I'll just call and cancel it. Oh,
this is the good part.

Oh, my God.

What?

Fran, do you think possibly Ryan could
take just a little break?

Maybe sort of like a medium -sized
break.

Why? Is it bothering you?

I just have a little headache. From
this?

It's turkey in the straw.

That is exactly it.

I've always had a problem with turkey in
the straw, even in the best of hands.

We saw you suck chrome and do it once
with the Boston Pops. I wanted to shoot

myself. Remember, honey?

Remember with your parents?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Look at the time. We're going to be late
for therapy. Hey, gots to have our

therapy.

That's right. How is that going?

Great. Thank you for the recommendation.

Sheila is terrific.

Yeah, well, for 80 bucks an hour, she
ought to be.

80 bucks an hour?

Yeah.

Aren't we paying 100?

Yeah.

That's funny.

I am blind. I am blind with rage.

You're not blind.

I'm not blind.

Certainly extremely nearsighted with
rage.

It's a scam. Do you see how it's a big
scam?

A hundred bucks an hour. It's not a
scam. It's a scam, it is. It's bait and

switch. It's bunco.

What's bunco?

Technically, I don't know, but I know
it's related to this type of thing. Why

wouldn't it be the same price for
everybody?

I don't know. You'll have to ask Sheila.

Oh, believe me, I'm all over it. I am
all over it with Sheila. Believe me. I'm

going to talk to her.

You know, you were going to have to
apologize to a friend.

What?

Anyway, I think you really insulted her.

How? When?

The thing with Ryan. She knew exactly
what you were saying. No, she didn't.

Honey, it's like Perlman, turkey in the
straw.

It's possible.

No, honey, that's not possible.

She wasn't offended. I don't have to
apologize to her.

All right, well, that's you, isn't it?

Excuse me?

Sweetie, I love you, and you're great at
many things, but let's be honest,

you're not the world's best apologizer.

What are you talking about?

You're not. Come on, you know you're
not.

You're not good at saying you're sorry.

You are not a good sorry -sayer.

You're not. I don't think in the entire
time I know you I've ever heard you say

you're sorry.

That's not true.

All right, it's not true, but, you know,
the point is... You know what I'm

saying.

You... You don't like it. You don't like
to say it. You're not good at it. When

you do do it, you're a little
perfunctory.

Are you saying that I have offended you
in the past by not apologizing?

Yeah.

Well, then let me say from the bottom of
my heart, in all sincerity, tough.

All right, where is my therapist?

The session was supposed to start 90
seconds ago. 100 bucks an hour, what's

that? Shows us a dollar and a half.

Paul? Of course, if it were Fran, it
would only be a buck ten.

So, apparently, Paul thinks I'm a bad
sorry -sayer.

I'm sorry?

You know, like I can't apologize?

Ballas is true?

Yeah, but not so important that we
should be spending, I don't know, what

100 bucks an hour talking about?

I happen to think I'm a very good
apologizer. For example... This is nice.

is nice. Where'd you get this?

Italy. Italy?

That's an expensive trip, isn't it?

A lot of people have to come in here and
spill their guts to pay for that plane

ticket.

Paul, is there anything you... You know
what the funny thing is about plane

tickets? And I've always thought about
this.

You know, you're on a plane, right? And
there are two people on the same plane.

Going to the same place, and they're
eating the same chicken and watching the

same movie, and yet, they pay two
different prices.

They pay two different prices for the
same thing. And I don't know, to me,

just, I don't know, that never seemed
right to me.

Does it seem right to you?

Honey? Hmm?

Is there something that you wanted to
discuss with Sheila?

Um, okay.

Yeah, actually.

we were talking outside we were talking
about this and and uh this is i think

it's important for me to say i uh it's
hard though okay um you know i come in

here and i see you know you have these
nice things and you're going to italy

everything like that and then you know
and i see you have pretty ring there

is the amethyst or something what am i
trying to say uh

The point is, you know, it is the
principle. The principle bothers me, but

also, I have to, to answer your
question, no, I'm fine.

Big man.

All right.

Big man.

Don't you worry, baby. I can talk to
Sheila. Come on, Sheila, please don't

me. Please don't hurt me.

Are you having an awful lot of fun? I
have never seen anyone cave like that in

my life. You know what?

Here's an idea. Why don't you take care
of your own dysfunction?

I'll worry about mine.

Tough talk when there's no therapist
around.

I ain't scared of no therapist. You are
so scared.

Hey, you know what? If you want, I can
apologize to Fran for you. No, no, no.

No, thank you. If you think you can't
hack it... No.

Tomorrow at lunch, I'm going to give her
a very nice, big, fat apology. Oh,

yeah, all right. Not that I think I need
to apologize.

There's a surprise.

Big man.

Oh, my God.

What? Is that Sheila?

Where?

Yes, it is. Oh, man.

Oh, Sheila.

I should talk to her.

Go ahead.

You don't think I will?

Uh -uh.

Okay, but here's the thing.

I don't think you're supposed to talk to
your therapist about therapy when you

see them in public.

Who says?

That's just, you know, everybody knows
that.

Big man.

What is she doing in public anyway?
That's just disconcerting.

Listen, if you don't feel you can hack
it... All right, all right, there you

Watch this.

Try

the

veal piccata. It is... Did you see that?
She just...

Blew me off. She just totally blew me
away there.

You know, if I was waving a 20 or
something, maybe it was different.

Well, you stood up. You got to feel good
about that.

Hi.

Hi. Sorry I'm late. Hey, and who could
blame you?

How are you?

I'm good.

Are you? Are you good?

Yeah. Yeah, you're not tired or offended
or... What?

Listen, Fran, before we order, I would
like to apologize.

For what?

I think I may have hurt your feelings
yesterday.

Do you remember when Ryan was playing
the violin and I said it gave me a

headache? Oh, you didn't say it gave you
a headache. You said you had a

headache. Well, maybe that was it.

It gave you a headache?

Whatever. The point is, I want to deeply
and profoundly apologize for any

offense or hurt feelings I may have
caused. It was rude, it was thoughtless,

I'm deeply, deeply sorry.

So what you're saying is Ryan's playing
gave you a headache.

Yes.

Ryan was playing right around the time
that my headache was.

That is so mean.

I said I'm sorry.

I had no idea that's what you meant.

Hear that, Paul? She had no idea.

Red snapper. They have it.

You know what? Maybe he shouldn't come
to the recital after all. Fran, please

don't overreact to this. He is a child.

No one's denying that.

He's doing the best he can.

Of course he is. is. It takes years to
master the violin.

He's been playing for years.

Oh.

I'm not hungry. If you'll excuse me, I
think I'll go home. Oh, Fran, come on.

Hey, come... Okay,

but the apology itself?

Dynamite.

So you do... I do now admit that Fran
was not the least bit insulted, so your

advice was completely wrong and there
was no need to apologize.

I do now admit that.

Why does that give me no satisfaction?

Because, thanks to me, you're in a heap
of trouble.

So what do I do about it?

Well, I think you've got to apologize.

It would be so easy to kill you.

Relax, relax.

Let's think about this for one second.
What you said was not that insulting.

You know, I don't think Fran is going to
be that upset. I think you're wrong. I

think she's very upset.

Give me a little credit, all right? I
think I know a thing or two about

Well,

I hope you're proud of yourself.

Fran, are you there?

What do you want?

I want to talk to you, okay, Franny?

What?

I can see that.

Fran, I'm pretty sure it's clean.

Okay, listen.

I am terribly, frightfully sorry for
hurting your feelings and for saying

anything negative about Ryan's violin
playing. You're my best friend. He's a

great kid. Not only that, he's going to
be a terrific violinist. You really

think so? Absolutely.

Listen to that.

I wish I could believe you, Jamie, but I
can't. You can, Fran. You really can.

No, I can't. You can't stand his claim.
You know it, and I know it. No, no.

Brian! Play it again!

Can I have a drink of water?

You'll drink later.

Come on.

Come on.

Admit it. No, no, I'm... I mean, okay,
you know, maybe I don't have a mother's

appreciation for it, but that's to be
expected, right?

No, Fran, no, uh -huh. I'm just saying
that I'm not... That it's horrible, that

it's the worst thing you've ever heard.
No. And the only reason that I don't see

it is because I'm his mother, so I'm not
objecting. No, no.

Say it, Jamie. Fran, I didn't... Say it!
Yes, yes, your son's a butcher. Yes, he

shouldn't be in the same room with a
violin, and if you had any sense, you'd

march in there and rip it out of his
stubby little hands.

How you doing?

I can't hear you.

Ryan, come on.

You don't need to do that.

Ryan, please.

Call me a butcher.

My father's a butcher.

You said he had stubby little hands.

I happen to like that in a musician.

Okay, listen. When I called you a...

Snot nose. You never said snot nose.

I didn't?

You sure?

Positive. Oh.

Well, good.

Anyway, whatever I called you, it was
wrong. And I'm really sorry. You're a

wonderful violinist. You play
beautifully. I love listening to you.

You do?

Yes.

Really? Really.

Would you like me to play something for
you?

Sure. My question.

Well, all I know is turkey in the straw.

Well, you can't get enough turkey in the
straw.

Right.

Let's play together.

Here's the camera.

Ready?

Yeah.

Guess what I just figured out?

What? If Jamie and I go to therapy twice
a week for 73 years, we will have spent

$151 ,480 more than Fran for the exact
same thing.

Well, if only to spare me, will you
please talk to this woman? I can't. Why

Because she's a shrink. She's a
professional.

I'm nothing. She'll wipe the floor with
me.

You know, so throw in a couple of mm
-hmms, and that's very interesting. How

you feel about that? Before you know it,
I'm paying 300 bucks and barking like a

dog.

You're going about this all wrong, you
know. This woman, she's not your

therapist. She's your business partner.

I mean, this is a simple exchange of
goods, a little green for a little

It's like me and Marvin. You know, I
mean, Marvin, I pay him a wage, and he

provides me with the service.

It's not the greatest service, but done
again, he doesn't make that much.

$5 .50 an hour, and every now and then,
a free hat.

All right, okay. But now let's just say,
hypothetically, what if you found out

other stores were paying guys like
Marvin a dollar less?

Well, then I'd have two choices.

I could do absolutely nothing and, you
know, drive my friends and my family

insane with my compulsive behavior.

All right, stop right there. That's the
one for me.

Or I could engage Paulie in a very
simple dialogue, which would go

like this. Marvin.

What? Come here.

All right, you play you, and I'll play
me, all right?

Marvin? Yeah, boss?

Your new salary is $4 .50 an hour.

No, no, no, I know, I know. It's all the
market will bear, and frankly, it's all

that I'm willing to pay.

And, you know, if you don't like it, you
can leave.

Wow, boss.

I thought I could go on ripping you off.

But you're too smart for me.

You found me out.

And in a way, I'm grateful.

Liberated. All right, all right. I think
he gets it.

In the real world, I don't think it
works exactly like that, Gage. Pauly,

morality play, okay? It's pageantry. You
simplify it for effect.

Am I right, Marvin? I thought I sold it.

Marvin, I was very touched by your whole
performance.

The point is this.

In therapy, as in sporting goods, the
person with the dough always has the

hand, Pauly. And that, my friend, is
you.

You're absolutely right.

You know, frankly, I'm tired of being
intimidated by her. Yes.

Thank you, Wymer. Thank you, Marvin.

Thank you, entire team of Buckman
Sporting Goods players.

I love theater.

Hey, hi.

Paul. Didn't mean to scare you.

Didn't you?

No, not really.

Well, you didn't.

Listen. Is there something I can help
you with, Paul?

Yes, we have a problem. We have a big
problem, actually.

Well, we can talk about that on Tuesday.
Um, no.

No. No, I think we're going to talk
about it right now.

All right.

Jamie and I found out that you charge us
more than you charge your other

patients.

That's true.

You're new, and I have new rates.

Oh.

I don't like it. I don't like it. It
makes me...

Makes me angry.

Uh -huh.

Makes me really angry.

I see.

Really, really angry.

That's good, Paul.

What's good?

You're confronting me. You're telling me
how you feel. I don't think you would

have done that three months ago.

I might have?

No, you wouldn't. You would have dropped
a few hints, made a few passive

-aggressive jokes, but you wouldn't have
told me, not directly. This is very

healthy.

Well, thank you, but I'm...

I am really still angry. I know. I
believe you. I think it's great.

This is very exciting. It's wonderful.

Thank you very much.

You're not all the way there, Paul, but
you're making real progress.

Thanks. I mean, I feel it, too. You
know, I've been feeling that I have. And

I've got to say, Jamie, God bless her, I
don't think she's making the same

progress. Yes, well, look, I have to go,
but I'll see you next Tuesday. We'll

talk more on Tuesday.

Okay. You know, Paul. Yeah.

It's not uncomfortable for you and
Jamie. We should see about setting up an

additional appointment for you to start
coming in alone.

Alone? Above and beyond? Hey, yeah,
sure. Good, good.

Oh, she's good.

Butcher! Butcher! Little snot! Rip that
violin out of his stubby little hand!

Butcher! Butcher!

Rip that violin out of his stubby little
hand!

Ryan?

Ryan?

What are you feeling right now?

Brian, for 120 bucks an hour, you should
tell the woman what you're feeling.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Alright then, how was it?