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♪ We are the Smilecorp ♪
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00:00:33,542 --> 00:00:34,917
♪ Corporation ♪
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00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:39,083
♪ We bring smiles
across the nation ♪
6
00:00:39,208 --> 00:00:42,208
♪ We bring smiles
to young and old ♪
7
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:45,958
♪ We smile all day
though it's cold ♪
8
00:00:46,042 --> 00:00:50,125
♪ 80 lift your hearts
and sing our song ♪
9
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:53,250
♪ If you're with us
you can't go wrong J“
10
00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:57,042
♪ We are the Smilecorp Corporation ♪
11
00:00:57,125 --> 00:01:01,042
♪ Happy to bring you
mirth and elation ♪
12
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:04,667
♪ Mirth and elation
across the nation ♪
13
00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:07,333
♪ Mirth and elation ♪
14
00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:10,625
♪ Across the nation... ♪
15
00:02:41,458 --> 00:02:44,125
Well... back to work.
16
00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:58,958
You know I love you, but I've got
to finish this Beckerman account.
17
00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:51,417
How about one
of your hot kisses?
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00:04:59,458 --> 00:05:02,000
Let me look into your bedroom eyes.
19
00:05:02,583 --> 00:05:06,917
Hey, hey, hey!
I'm trying to sleep here!
20
00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:29,625
Oh, Grant, you're awfully big.
21
00:05:29,708 --> 00:05:33,083
In fact, you're very, VERY big!
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00:05:40,083 --> 00:05:43,250
Mother, you won't believe...
the phone's dead.
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00:05:53,292 --> 00:05:55,958
♪ I'm so happy ♪
24
00:05:56,083 --> 00:05:59,042
♪ I'm so happy, you're so happy,
everybody's happy ♪
25
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:01,375
♪ I'm happy that you're happy
I'm so happy ♪
26
00:06:02,042 --> 00:06:04,667
Oh, hello, darling. Come in, sweetie.
Hello, sweetie.
27
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:10,500
Mother, Grant is not
the same man I married.
28
00:06:10,583 --> 00:06:12,417
He's changed.
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00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:17,500
You know, your father and I never approved
of Grant. You could do better.
30
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,958
Mother, some very strange things
have been happening.
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00:07:18,083 --> 00:07:22,542
You know men. They have certain needs.
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00:07:22,625 --> 00:07:26,083
No, I mean really bizarre things.
33
00:07:26,167 --> 00:07:30,042
Oh, it's gotten that far?
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00:07:49,958 --> 00:07:51,958
Soup's on!
35
00:07:56,917 --> 00:08:00,792
Dear God, thank you for this bountiful food
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00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:03,250
that graces our lovely table.
37
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:07,750
I realize you didn't actually plant
and fertilize this delightful meal.
38
00:08:07,833 --> 00:08:11,417
And don't forget your shipping
and your distribution.
39
00:08:11,542 --> 00:08:14,333
Then you got your packaging
and your advertising.
40
00:08:14,417 --> 00:08:17,083
Then those fucking sale taxes,
Jesus Christ!
41
00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:19,333
Those goddamn clowns in Washington!
42
00:08:19,417 --> 00:08:21,375
Always gouging
the fucking middle class.
43
00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:23,899
I swear, I'm gonna get my gun
and kill those mother fuck-Amen!
44
00:08:57,125 --> 00:08:59,125
Could I please have the salt?
45
00:09:31,542 --> 00:09:35,708
We try to keep this house as clean
as possible. Otherwise, we get bugs.
46
00:09:37,042 --> 00:09:38,375
Oh, mother!
47
00:09:39,292 --> 00:09:43,750
Bugs?
Those ugly, dirty creatures.
48
00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:56,208
Buggy! Buggy! Buggy!
49
00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:06,458
Mother, are you okay?
50
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:17,083
We don't approve
of that kind of music in this house.
51
00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:19,792
Music?
52
00:10:35,458 --> 00:10:37,792
Ooh.
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00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:04,917
♪ We are the Smilecorp
Corporation ♪
54
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,542
You, young men
55
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,625
are my top talent
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00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:13,083
Smilecorp needs you.
57
00:11:14,042 --> 00:11:17,875
So I've asked you here
to present your new shows
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00:11:18,792 --> 00:11:21,542
for the upcoming season.
59
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:27,167
My show is the ultimate in high art.
Roll the tape.
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00:11:37,125 --> 00:11:39,042
Hmm.
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00:11:54,458 --> 00:11:57,083
My... my idea is very revolutionary.
62
00:11:57,167 --> 00:12:01,042
It's... it's called
"World-class amoeba wrestling"
63
00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:21,792
Uh, I have a wonderful idea
for a show. Called, Rocks in love.
64
00:12:21,917 --> 00:12:25,125
Hey, how about a kiss?
65
00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:27,667
I'm not that kind of rock.
66
00:12:34,792 --> 00:12:37,583
Hmm.
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00:12:42,125 --> 00:12:44,458
I've got it!
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00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:49,333
"The Belching Amoeba Rocks in Love!"
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00:12:51,208 --> 00:12:54,042
Brilliant! Brilliant!
He's a genius!
70
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,792
Hey, Grant, hows it hanging?
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00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:13,542
It's a great day for cuttin' grass!
Whoo-eee! Look at me!
72
00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,542
Whoo-eee!
73
00:13:15,667 --> 00:13:18,917
Hey, check it out! Whoo!
74
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,333
Look, Ma, no hands!
75
00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:25,208
Yee-ooh!
76
00:13:25,292 --> 00:13:27,458
Yee-haw!
77
00:13:29,083 --> 00:13:31,375
Ooh!
78
00:13:33,042 --> 00:13:35,292
Grass: Hey, Bud! Do you mind?
79
00:13:35,417 --> 00:13:38,417
Look at what that maniac is doing
to my brothers and sisters.
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00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:40,417
Why do you people spend
hundreds of dollars
81
00:13:40,500 --> 00:13:42,542
on fertilizer and plant food on us?
82
00:13:42,625 --> 00:13:45,250
And then perform
horticultural genocide?
83
00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:48,167
If we were bigger,
you wouldn't be doing this to us.
84
00:13:59,875 --> 00:14:02,125
Ha! I'm gonna kill you!
Cut you up! Cut you up!
85
00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:16,250
Push him back!
Push him back! Way back!
86
00:14:16,333 --> 00:14:18,875
Push him back! Push him back!
Way back!
87
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,542
Cut the human! Cut the human!
Cu-uut the human!
88
00:14:21,667 --> 00:14:24,250
Cut the human!
Cut the human! Cu-uut the human!
89
00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:26,375
Poke his eye! Poke his eye!
Po-ooke his-I'm
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00:14:33,042 --> 00:14:35,292
I'm gonna kill ya,
I'm gonna kill ya, I'm gonna kill ya.
91
00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:56,625
Yeah, I'm gonna kill ya!
I'm gonna kill ya!
92
00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:01,583
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I'm gonna kill! Gonna kill!
93
00:15:01,708 --> 00:15:04,417
Ah, yeah!
94
00:15:12,667 --> 00:15:14,958
Bash his head! Ba-aash his head!
95
00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:16,768
Bash his head! Bash his head!
Ba-aash his head!
96
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:19,625
Mulch the dude! Mulch the dude!
Mu-uulch the dude!
97
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,417
Gonna kill you!
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00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:35,292
Grant, save me!
99
00:15:36,417 --> 00:15:38,958
Grant, help me!
100
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:59,125
I'm really sorry about all that,
but it's been a very weird day for me.
101
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:09,583
Hello, operator?
Get me the Jackie Jason show.
102
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:13,458
My neighbor Grant, he has
some amazing magical powers.
103
00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:29,833
What's wrong with Grant?
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00:16:29,917 --> 00:16:32,083
Did he enroll in magic school?
105
00:16:33,917 --> 00:16:36,625
Or is he some kind of superhuman?
106
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:48,375
Grant, what's happening
to our marriage? You're so different.
107
00:17:00,417 --> 00:17:03,542
Listen, Ker.
I don't know why I'm so weird,
108
00:17:03,667 --> 00:17:06,458
but when we took our wedding vows,
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00:17:06,583 --> 00:17:10,333
we promised unconditional love.
110
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:14,958
If you got fat and wrinkled,
I'd still love you.
111
00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:28,917
Away from me!
112
00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:34,667
Get! Get away!
113
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:37,167
Oh!
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00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:43,042
Grant! Grant, save me!
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00:17:44,458 --> 00:17:47,458
Grant, save me!
116
00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:50,625
Grant, save me!
Get it down from me!
117
00:17:50,750 --> 00:17:54,750
Grant! Grant, save me! Grant!
118
00:18:00,708 --> 00:18:03,125
Get away!
Get it... get, get, get! Get down!
119
00:18:14,875 --> 00:18:19,167
See? I still love you.
Love makes problems disappear.
120
00:18:25,958 --> 00:18:29,458
♪ Would you love me if I forgot
your birthday and gave your shoes away ♪
121
00:18:29,583 --> 00:18:32,208
♪ Refused to shave? ♪
122
00:18:32,333 --> 00:18:35,500
♪ Would you love me if I blew up
a deli and got a big fat belly ♪
123
00:18:35,583 --> 00:18:38,042
♪ And became real smelly? ♪
124
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:41,167
♪ Would you love me
if I wore a tutu, rode a kangaroo ♪
125
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,375
♪ With a beehive hairdo? ♪
126
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:46,958
♪ Would you love me if I put a big rock
in the toe of your sock ♪
127
00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:49,083
♪ And forced you to walk? ♪
128
00:18:50,375 --> 00:18:52,542
♪ Can't you see ♪
129
00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:54,542
♪ I love you ♪
130
00:18:56,542 --> 00:19:02,125
♪ I'm crazy 'bout you, babe ♪
131
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:06,333
♪ Don't you leave me, sweetie ♪
132
00:19:06,417 --> 00:19:12,042
♪ I'm comin' right away ♪
133
00:19:12,125 --> 00:19:15,833
♪ Would you love me if I was big
as a whale, grew a great green tail ♪
134
00:19:15,917 --> 00:19:18,042
♪ Left slime like a snail? ♪
135
00:19:18,125 --> 00:19:21,875
♪ Would you love me if I took off
my clothes stuck a garden hose ♪
136
00:19:21,958 --> 00:19:23,583
♪ Way up my nose? ♪
137
00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:27,750
♪ Would you love me if I had a hundred
fingers and they were all singers ♪
138
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,351
♪ And were out of key? ♪
139
00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:33,417
♪ Would you love me if I followed
the fad, dressed like a shad ♪
140
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:36,667
♪ And blew your dad? ♪
141
00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:38,792
♪ Can't you see ♪
142
00:19:38,875 --> 00:19:41,792
♪ I love you? ♪
143
00:19:42,917 --> 00:19:48,125
♪ Crazy 'bout you, babe ♪
144
00:19:48,208 --> 00:19:52,417
♪ Don't you leave me, sweetie ♪
145
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:56,042
♪ I'm comin' ♪
146
00:19:56,125 --> 00:19:58,000
♪ Right away ♪
147
00:19:58,083 --> 00:20:01,750
♪ Would you love me if I took a big
old chainsaw into bed with us ♪
148
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:03,750
♪ And started that sucker up? ♪
149
00:20:03,833 --> 00:20:06,875
♪ Put on the ski mask
and got all hog-wild? ♪
150
00:20:06,958 --> 00:20:08,958
Whoo!
151
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,792
Woo-hoo! Hello!
152
00:20:14,875 --> 00:20:17,292
Come on over, baby.
153
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:14,667
Grant, stop this right now.
154
00:21:25,208 --> 00:21:29,917
Damn it, Grant! When we have sex,
I want you to have it with me alone!
155
00:22:43,708 --> 00:22:45,875
Grant!
156
00:22:49,708 --> 00:22:51,833
Stop this, right now!
157
00:23:00,083 --> 00:23:02,417
They're not up there anymore!
158
00:23:48,542 --> 00:23:51,000
Oooh Edgar...
159
00:23:54,458 --> 00:23:56,125
Here he is, the toast of Hollywood,
160
00:23:56,250 --> 00:23:58,333
Jackie Jason!
161
00:23:58,417 --> 00:24:00,542
Hey, do we have a show
for you tonight.
162
00:24:00,625 --> 00:24:05,500
The ever-popular Solly Jim,
fresh from his big smash week in Vegas.
163
00:24:05,583 --> 00:24:09,542
And Grant Boyer,
a sensational young illusionist.
164
00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:14,167
Hey, how 'bout that mess in
Washington? Crazy stuff, huh?
165
00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:17,833
Wow! Solly Jim!
166
00:24:18,250 --> 00:24:21,292
I wish my wife were here
to meet you, but she's leaving me.
167
00:24:21,375 --> 00:24:24,250
She thinks I'm a nutcase.
168
00:24:24,333 --> 00:24:27,625
God, what is happening to my life?
169
00:24:27,708 --> 00:24:31,458
You seem depressed, Grant.
It's a mess!
170
00:24:31,583 --> 00:24:33,917
I'm at the end of my tether.
171
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,167
Oh, God. Oh, God.
172
00:24:37,250 --> 00:24:39,667
Look at that.
You know where that stuff comes from?
173
00:24:39,750 --> 00:24:42,625
Well, it all starts when
you wear a tight-collared shirt.
174
00:24:42,708 --> 00:24:45,708
The shirt depresses
your Adam's apple until you yawn,
175
00:24:45,792 --> 00:24:48,333
which allows sunlight
to hit the back of your throat
176
00:24:48,417 --> 00:24:52,042
A patch of tiny hairs grow,
that eventually becomes a hair Bali
177
00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:55,167
that falls into the stomach,
where it rolls around,
178
00:24:55,250 --> 00:24:57,583
and exits through
the stomach escape-hatch.
179
00:24:57,667 --> 00:25:01,250
The mix of hair and gunk flows
into the small intestine,
180
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:03,458
where it tickles
the sensitive walls,
181
00:25:03,542 --> 00:25:07,333
and is ejected at the speed
of sound and hits the rib cage,
182
00:25:07,417 --> 00:25:09,333
which aims it
at the belly button.
183
00:25:09,417 --> 00:25:11,333
If the velocity is sufficient,
184
00:25:11,417 --> 00:25:13,333
it squeezes through
the bounce off your shirt,
185
00:25:13,417 --> 00:25:16,208
and gets lodged
in the belly button.
186
00:25:16,292 --> 00:25:19,875
And... and they found
eight chickens in his pants.
187
00:25:24,542 --> 00:25:29,250
Here he is, folks.
Mr. Vegas himself, Solly Jim.
188
00:25:34,708 --> 00:25:37,958
How do you tell when you're
at a bulimic bachelor party?
189
00:25:38,583 --> 00:25:41,792
The cake pops out of the babe!
190
00:25:47,458 --> 00:25:50,542
Did you hear about the artist
with a bad case of psoriasis?
191
00:25:51,083 --> 00:25:53,583
He asked the model to come up
and see his itchings!
192
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,458
Boy, this is a tough audience.
193
00:26:12,542 --> 00:26:16,375
My career is over if I don't
get a laugh on this next joke.
194
00:26:35,917 --> 00:26:38,417
Here's my impression of a sock.
195
00:26:58,125 --> 00:27:01,458
My mother always warned me
about playing with myself.
196
00:27:22,708 --> 00:27:26,667
Hey, fella, how about a little head?
197
00:27:37,583 --> 00:27:40,583
Woo-hoo! Wee!
198
00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:49,292
Yee-ha! Whoo! Yeah, baby!
199
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,000
You!
200
00:28:01,250 --> 00:28:03,750
Hey, Solly, I like
the new direction in the humor.
201
00:28:04,917 --> 00:28:07,042
Now get your bloody head
off my couch.
202
00:28:07,500 --> 00:28:09,458
Mr. Boyer, you're on.
203
00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:13,417
- What do you think, kid?
- Glad I could help you out.
204
00:28:13,500 --> 00:28:16,542
Was that your doin', kid?
God bless you.
205
00:28:16,625 --> 00:28:20,625
You saved my career.
If you need anything, give me a call.
206
00:28:23,292 --> 00:28:27,458
Just remember, kid,
if you see someone without a smile,
207
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:30,583
just give em one of yours.
208
00:28:37,708 --> 00:28:41,000
You've got a nasty boil here.
That won't do for national TV.
209
00:28:41,125 --> 00:28:44,708
Here's our next guest,
Grant Boyer.
210
00:28:44,792 --> 00:28:46,500
I hear you do illusions.
211
00:28:46,583 --> 00:28:49,875
Well, uh, I guess.
212
00:28:49,958 --> 00:28:52,542
Well, I guess.
213
00:28:53,250 --> 00:28:56,750
Can you turn this glass
into a... huh?
214
00:28:58,917 --> 00:29:01,417
Turn it into a pen.
215
00:29:21,875 --> 00:29:23,875
Well,
thanks for joining us, folks.
216
00:29:23,958 --> 00:29:27,375
Tomorrow night,
we have Sean Young and... huh?
217
00:29:34,042 --> 00:29:37,750
Whoa! Ah!
218
00:29:46,708 --> 00:29:49,042
Colonel, did you happen to see
219
00:29:49,125 --> 00:29:51,292
the Jackie Jason Show?
220
00:29:51,833 --> 00:29:53,792
Well I've asked you here
221
00:29:53,875 --> 00:29:57,125
for a very important mission.
222
00:29:57,708 --> 00:29:59,750
Yes, Mr. Giles.
223
00:30:02,708 --> 00:30:06,667
See this man?
I want him. Get him.
224
00:30:09,792 --> 00:30:11,333
Colonel,
225
00:30:11,583 --> 00:30:14,708
that was just the image
from the projector.
226
00:30:19,042 --> 00:30:21,375
I appreciate your enthusiasm,
227
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:23,792
but we need this man alive!
228
00:30:26,458 --> 00:30:29,417
Gimme! No! No!
229
00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:31,958
No! No.
230
00:30:32,042 --> 00:30:34,583
No. No. No.
231
00:30:37,708 --> 00:30:41,500
I want my gun! Give me my gun!
232
00:30:41,625 --> 00:30:43,917
I want my gun!
233
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,625
Very well. Now take this.
234
00:30:48,958 --> 00:30:51,583
Colonel Ferguson,
get me that man.
235
00:30:52,125 --> 00:30:53,542
Honey, I'm home!
236
00:30:53,625 --> 00:30:57,625
Honey? Honey?
Did you see me on TV?
237
00:30:57,708 --> 00:31:01,792
Honey? Ker? Keri?
238
00:31:01,875 --> 00:31:04,792
Honey? Honey?
239
00:31:04,875 --> 00:31:08,042
Don't you love me? Boo-boops.
240
00:31:08,125 --> 00:31:10,458
Cutesy—wootsy face!
241
00:31:13,542 --> 00:31:16,917
♪ How'd you get to be so cute? ♪
242
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,500
♪ Did you buy it like a suit? ♪
243
00:31:19,625 --> 00:31:22,750
♪ Were you hoppin'
shoppin' boppin' moppin'? ♪
244
00:31:22,833 --> 00:31:27,250
♪ Ooh, were you spendin'
lots of loot? ♪
245
00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:29,708
♪ How'd you get so cute? ♪
246
00:31:31,417 --> 00:31:35,333
♪ How'd you get to be so hot? ♪
247
00:31:35,417 --> 00:31:38,000
♪ Did you pop out on the spot? ♪
248
00:31:38,083 --> 00:31:42,375
♪ Or did you sow it, mow it,
blow it, show it, grow it ♪
249
00:31:42,458 --> 00:31:45,708
♪ Ooh, like a crop? ♪
250
00:31:45,792 --> 00:31:48,208
♪ How'd you get so hot? ♪
251
00:31:49,917 --> 00:31:53,958
♪ And the beauty that is you? ♪
252
00:31:54,083 --> 00:31:57,667
♪ Oh, I love it so ♪
253
00:31:57,750 --> 00:32:01,167
♪ I've been lost
in your dream world ♪
254
00:32:01,250 --> 00:32:04,833
♪ That's why I wanna know, yeah ♪
255
00:32:04,917 --> 00:32:07,417
♪ How'd you get to be so buff? ♪
256
00:32:07,542 --> 00:32:10,583
♪ I wanna eat all your stuff ♪
257
00:32:10,667 --> 00:32:15,125
♪ Were you bakin' shakin'
makin' flakin' cakin'? ♪
258
00:32:15,208 --> 00:32:18,375
♪ Baby, I'm in love ♪
259
00:32:18,458 --> 00:32:21,000
♪ How'd you get so buff? ♪
260
00:32:22,792 --> 00:32:24,958
♪ How come you're so much fun? ♪
261
00:32:25,583 --> 00:32:28,500
♪ Honey, baby, you're no nun ♪
262
00:32:28,583 --> 00:32:31,958
♪ You're so nervy,
curvy, swervy ♪
263
00:32:32,042 --> 00:32:36,167
♪ Oh, please shoot me
with a gun ♪
264
00:32:36,250 --> 00:32:38,875
♪ How'd you get so fun? ♪
265
00:32:42,167 --> 00:32:45,750
Keri, please let me in.
We can work this out.
266
00:32:46,208 --> 00:32:48,167
I just wanna hold you.
267
00:32:49,250 --> 00:32:51,458
What's with Grant?
268
00:32:51,625 --> 00:32:53,208
Is he a robot?
269
00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:56,417
Or maybe the Antichrist?
270
00:32:58,125 --> 00:33:00,167
Go away, Grant!
271
00:33:00,458 --> 00:33:03,792
You're a very strange person!
272
00:33:06,667 --> 00:33:09,042
Hmm.
273
00:33:09,583 --> 00:33:12,708
I hear you do illusions.
274
00:33:15,792 --> 00:33:17,583
Hmm.
275
00:33:18,750 --> 00:33:19,750
Ah.
276
00:33:22,708 --> 00:33:23,708
Oh!
277
00:33:24,375 --> 00:33:27,583
♪ I'm so happy, you're so happy,
everybody's happy ♪
278
00:33:28,083 --> 00:33:31,750
♪ I'm happy that you're happy
I'm so happy... ♪
279
00:33:33,792 --> 00:33:35,125
What?
280
00:33:36,208 --> 00:33:37,250
Oh.
281
00:33:41,792 --> 00:33:43,042
Hmm.
282
00:33:45,208 --> 00:33:47,583
Oh, I see.
283
00:33:55,042 --> 00:33:56,042
Aha!
284
00:34:17,625 --> 00:34:20,750
So that's his secret weapon.
285
00:34:22,125 --> 00:34:24,375
Yeah, right.
286
00:34:24,667 --> 00:34:28,708
Keri, I think I found out
where my weird powers came from.
287
00:34:29,292 --> 00:34:33,333
Are you Mr. Grant Boyer?
Could you come down for a chat?
288
00:34:33,500 --> 00:34:35,250
We saw you on TV.
289
00:34:35,583 --> 00:34:39,042
♪ We are the Smilecorp
Corporation ♪
290
00:34:39,167 --> 00:34:42,792
♪ We bring smiles
across the nation ♪
291
00:34:43,042 --> 00:34:46,375
♪ We bring smiles
to young and old ♪
292
00:34:46,750 --> 00:34:51,083
♪ We smile all day. Though it's told... ♪
You're quite a remarkable talent.
293
00:34:51,417 --> 00:34:55,417
Are you coming along quietly
or do I have to get rough?
294
00:34:55,792 --> 00:34:59,375
Well, gee, I don't know.
I really should check with my wife first.
295
00:34:59,792 --> 00:35:01,583
We... were newlyweds.
296
00:35:06,250 --> 00:35:07,500
Gotcha!
297
00:35:22,458 --> 00:35:23,583
Fire!
298
00:35:40,917 --> 00:35:43,667
Or... maybe, he's a space alien.
299
00:35:44,583 --> 00:35:47,667
Or... a religious messiah.
300
00:36:00,208 --> 00:36:02,708
Hey, you guys, out that out!
301
00:36:58,792 --> 00:37:01,417
Keri! Keri! Please let me in.
302
00:37:01,542 --> 00:37:02,708
Ker-
303
00:37:03,625 --> 00:37:06,250
Keri... oh Keri...
304
00:37:06,833 --> 00:37:10,708
Oh, no.
It's worse than I thought
305
00:37:10,917 --> 00:37:13,458
He's working for the government
306
00:37:14,250 --> 00:37:17,958
Try your magic now, Mr. Boyer.
307
00:37:24,042 --> 00:37:25,625
Take him away.
308
00:37:35,208 --> 00:37:37,833
He's getting away!
309
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:41,417
Fire!
310
00:37:49,542 --> 00:37:52,917
Colonel, why did he get away?
311
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:56,333
And what about
our tank battalion?
312
00:37:56,417 --> 00:37:59,583
They're occupied, sir.
313
00:37:59,667 --> 00:38:03,292
Occupied? Mmm... doing it.
314
00:38:03,375 --> 00:38:05,125
Doing what?
315
00:38:05,208 --> 00:38:08,625
Well, sir, you know...
The "In-and-Out"?
316
00:38:08,708 --> 00:38:11,042
Well, tell them to stop it.
317
00:38:11,125 --> 00:38:15,750
Have you ever tried to tell
a 50-ton tank to stop having sex?
318
00:38:19,625 --> 00:38:21,125
Find him or else!
319
00:38:35,750 --> 00:38:37,208
Welcome to Glass Land.
320
00:38:37,333 --> 00:38:41,042
You're my first customer. Hello?
321
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,708
Welcome to Glass Land.
You're my first customer.
322
00:38:52,792 --> 00:38:55,250
It's our grand opening.
323
00:39:36,458 --> 00:39:37,958
Whoa!
324
00:39:39,417 --> 00:39:41,375
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
325
00:40:05,042 --> 00:40:06,833
Whew!
326
00:40:58,875 --> 00:41:02,333
Have you seen a guy... oh.
There he is.
327
00:41:04,750 --> 00:41:08,667
My favorite rhododendron bush.
Behind the burro!
328
00:41:10,833 --> 00:41:13,375
My terracotta burro. Get him!
329
00:41:15,708 --> 00:41:18,292
My elf on a mushroom ornament.
330
00:41:18,375 --> 00:41:20,250
Over there!
331
00:41:21,833 --> 00:41:25,250
My pissin' bumblebee fountain.
332
00:41:27,292 --> 00:41:30,083
My ducks-plucking-elf—eyes birdbath.
333
00:41:30,208 --> 00:41:32,708
No!
334
00:41:42,292 --> 00:41:44,792
My leaf blower!
335
00:42:03,250 --> 00:42:05,875
♪ Sometimes in the evening ♪
336
00:42:06,917 --> 00:42:10,125
♪ When shadows start to fall ♪
337
00:42:12,375 --> 00:42:15,875
♪ I find myself wondering ♪
338
00:42:15,958 --> 00:42:20,083
♪ Did we ever love at all? ♪
339
00:42:21,292 --> 00:42:24,042
♪ But then I go back ♪
340
00:42:24,125 --> 00:42:28,750
♪ Through faded photographs ♪
341
00:42:28,833 --> 00:42:31,917
♪ I wonder if our love ♪
342
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:36,458
♪ Was meant to last ♪
343
00:42:44,167 --> 00:42:47,625
I've got to find my husband!
344
00:42:47,708 --> 00:42:51,083
Let the woman go.
She's not a prisoner.
345
00:42:51,167 --> 00:42:54,042
♪ I'm so happy, you're so happy,
everybody's happy ♪
346
00:42:54,125 --> 00:42:56,958
♪ I'm happy that you're happy,
I'm so happy ♪
347
00:42:57,625 --> 00:43:01,750
Oh, hello, darling. Oh, Ker.
Are you okay? Come in, darling.
348
00:43:07,583 --> 00:43:11,500
Solly, Solly, are you in there?
Let me in. Solly?
349
00:43:14,375 --> 00:43:18,208
♪ I'm so happy, you're so happy,
everybody's happy ♪
350
00:43:20,083 --> 00:43:22,750
Solly, let me in.
351
00:43:25,625 --> 00:43:29,000
Narrator: Welcome to
"How to Make Love to a Woman"
352
00:43:31,708 --> 00:43:35,042
Undressing your mate
is a very delicate matter.
353
00:43:35,125 --> 00:43:39,333
It must be done subtly,
yet with authority.
354
00:43:39,417 --> 00:43:43,458
I recommend...
the diversion technique.
355
00:43:43,833 --> 00:43:45,458
Hugging and caressing
356
00:43:45,542 --> 00:43:48,583
are intensely exciting
to the frauleins.
357
00:43:49,375 --> 00:43:51,292
And when done properly,
358
00:43:51,375 --> 00:43:55,583
can leave a lasting impression
on the affaire du coeur.
359
00:44:21,083 --> 00:44:23,625
Hmm. That gives me an idea.
360
00:44:31,792 --> 00:44:33,750
Aha!
361
00:44:39,917 --> 00:44:42,875
Mm-hmm.
362
00:44:42,958 --> 00:44:46,333
N-no, no! No, no!
363
00:44:47,958 --> 00:44:51,250
No, no, no...
364
00:45:39,208 --> 00:45:41,000
The nipples.
365
00:45:41,083 --> 00:45:44,417
Oh, the nipples.
366
00:45:44,500 --> 00:45:49,042
Just a light touch
with the thumb and forefinger,
367
00:45:49,125 --> 00:45:51,792
and they stand erect.
Oh, God! Jesus!
368
00:45:51,875 --> 00:45:55,042
Wow, that hurts!
Proud to show themselves off
369
00:45:55,125 --> 00:45:56,917
to the world,
370
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:59,125
as if to say to anyone around,
371
00:45:59,208 --> 00:46:01,667
Oh, boy! My eye! "Here I am."
372
00:46:01,750 --> 00:46:04,250
Fondle me. Kiss me.
373
00:46:04,333 --> 00:46:07,167
Love me. Caress me.
374
00:46:07,250 --> 00:46:09,542
Take me to the heights
375
00:46:09,625 --> 00:46:12,458
of sensual ecstasy.
376
00:46:13,208 --> 00:46:14,792
Exotic accessories
377
00:46:14,875 --> 00:46:18,333
are a very important aspect
to proper mating.
378
00:46:18,875 --> 00:46:22,792
They insure that the male
is appropriately excited.
379
00:46:23,292 --> 00:46:25,625
Such things as spiked heels,
380
00:46:25,708 --> 00:46:27,792
fishnet stockings and tassels
381
00:46:28,042 --> 00:46:31,833
add an exotic and
forbidden aura to the sex act
382
00:46:33,083 --> 00:46:35,417
Be playful. Have fun with them.
383
00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:38,208
That's what they're for.
384
00:46:38,292 --> 00:46:42,292
They help spice up
the sensual feast of pleasure.
385
00:46:42,375 --> 00:46:44,958
Vive I'amour!
386
00:46:48,875 --> 00:46:52,250
Narrator: Now that the
preliminaries are out of the way,
387
00:46:52,333 --> 00:46:54,542
the mood is set
388
00:46:54,625 --> 00:46:57,375
It's now time
for the ultimate act,
389
00:46:57,458 --> 00:47:00,375
the supreme gift
of oneself to another.
390
00:47:01,167 --> 00:47:03,417
Keep your shirt on. I'm coming.
391
00:47:07,542 --> 00:47:08,667
Grant, my boy!
392
00:47:09,292 --> 00:47:12,417
I've gotta use your phone.
Some army is trying to kill me.
393
00:47:13,292 --> 00:47:15,042
And Keri thinks I'm from Mars.
394
00:47:15,292 --> 00:47:17,000
So, are you married?
395
00:47:17,875 --> 00:47:18,958
Keri is almost divorced.
396
00:47:24,458 --> 00:47:25,500
Hello?
397
00:47:25,583 --> 00:47:27,208
Let me talk to Keri.
I know she's there.
398
00:47:28,042 --> 00:47:30,625
Oh, it's you.
Well... it's Grant!
399
00:47:31,042 --> 00:47:32,958
It's Graaant.
400
00:47:36,042 --> 00:47:38,875
My! Aren't you impulsive!
401
00:47:41,750 --> 00:47:43,292
I'm so depressed.
402
00:47:43,458 --> 00:47:45,500
My marriage is over.
403
00:47:48,542 --> 00:47:51,208
You know where tears come from?
404
00:47:52,125 --> 00:47:55,083
When the eye sees
something sad, really sad,
405
00:47:55,417 --> 00:48:00,042
tiny light balls travel
to the brain through the optical canal
406
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:04,375
The brain heats up
and releases sad little flakes.
407
00:48:04,833 --> 00:48:08,125
They fall through the sadness
artery into the heart.
408
00:48:08,917 --> 00:48:12,625
The heart, heavy from
these brain flakes and bodily fluids,
409
00:48:12,708 --> 00:48:15,583
falls. Whomp! On to the bladder,
410
00:48:15,958 --> 00:48:19,458
which sends a microscopic wave
to the upper part of the body.
411
00:48:19,542 --> 00:48:21,792
Some goes to the mouth
and causes a frown,
412
00:48:21,875 --> 00:48:26,083
and the rest goes to the brain,
which is hot with sadness.
413
00:48:26,333 --> 00:48:27,917
The fluid hitting the hot brain
414
00:48:28,208 --> 00:48:31,542
produces condensation
on the cranium's surface
415
00:48:31,625 --> 00:48:34,333
and it slides down an exit
416
00:48:34,500 --> 00:48:37,417
through the eye opening as tears.
417
00:48:38,917 --> 00:48:40,250
You see this bump?
418
00:48:41,125 --> 00:48:42,917
It gives me these super powers.
419
00:48:43,208 --> 00:48:46,167
But now that I'm with you, I'm safe.
420
00:48:51,583 --> 00:48:54,417
Mr. Giles, he's here.
You want me to bring him in?
421
00:48:59,125 --> 00:49:01,875
You've found him?
422
00:49:02,250 --> 00:49:05,625
Yes. He's where?
423
00:49:12,750 --> 00:49:16,833
Mmm, what's your hurry, big fella?
424
00:49:18,667 --> 00:49:21,500
I love a man in uniform.
425
00:49:27,583 --> 00:49:31,042
Something about slimy scales
426
00:49:31,167 --> 00:49:33,917
really makes me moist.
427
00:49:35,750 --> 00:49:40,542
Mmm, do you like french kissing?
428
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:49,750
Oh, aren't they cute?
429
00:50:10,042 --> 00:50:13,167
Colonel, where are you?
We're waiting.
430
00:50:17,417 --> 00:50:19,208
She can get a divorce.
431
00:50:20,792 --> 00:50:22,208
So can I!
432
00:51:48,208 --> 00:51:50,083
That's a nasty bump on my head.
433
00:51:50,583 --> 00:51:54,167
I'll have to use medication on that
for sure. Then my hair will fall out,
434
00:51:54,500 --> 00:51:57,875
so I'll have to use hair tonic
and then hair remover.
435
00:52:00,250 --> 00:52:02,042
And I'll flake,
so I'll have to use a salve.
436
00:52:02,125 --> 00:52:06,042
And my pores will open up so I've got
to apply body ointments and skin creams,
437
00:52:06,125 --> 00:52:08,375
and I'll bloat
and my skin will fall off.
438
00:52:08,458 --> 00:52:09,833
Oh, boy.
439
00:52:13,292 --> 00:52:15,292
Scabs and puss
all over the place,
440
00:52:15,375 --> 00:52:17,917
and my face will turn
into jell-o and I'll break out.
441
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:31,500
Please! Please! Please!
442
00:52:36,208 --> 00:52:37,667
Help!
443
00:52:50,250 --> 00:52:53,167
Thanks, Grant.
444
00:52:56,625 --> 00:52:58,417
Don't be so naive, Solly.
445
00:52:58,500 --> 00:53:01,292
Just because you brought
Mr. Boyer in...
446
00:53:01,375 --> 00:53:04,417
You thought someone
of your minuscule talent
447
00:53:04,500 --> 00:53:07,542
could have his own show?
448
00:53:07,667 --> 00:53:11,833
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, funny boy?
449
00:53:11,917 --> 00:53:16,833
Not so fast, or I pull the trigger.
Oh, yeah?
450
00:53:16,917 --> 00:53:18,958
Oh, yeah?
451
00:53:19,042 --> 00:53:21,708
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
452
00:53:21,792 --> 00:53:24,042
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
453
00:53:24,125 --> 00:53:26,208
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
454
00:53:26,292 --> 00:53:29,042
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
455
00:53:29,125 --> 00:53:33,500
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah?
456
00:53:34,083 --> 00:53:35,917
Okay, this is getting us nowhere.
457
00:53:36,333 --> 00:53:38,625
Lets all drop our guns on three.
458
00:53:38,708 --> 00:53:42,208
One... two.., three.
459
00:53:42,708 --> 00:53:45,292
Come on.
We must trust each other.
460
00:53:45,375 --> 00:53:48,708
One... two... three.
461
00:53:49,083 --> 00:53:51,417
Okay, III drop mine first.
462
00:53:53,875 --> 00:53:56,125
Come on, guys. Lets shake
463
00:53:56,208 --> 00:53:57,792
and let bygones be bygones.
464
00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:18,958
At last, to be the funniest man...
on the face of the Earth.
465
00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:50,875
So this guy walks into a bar
with a duck on his head.
466
00:54:50,958 --> 00:54:54,417
Bartender says,
What'll you have?
467
00:54:54,500 --> 00:54:56,917
So the duck says...
468
00:55:19,250 --> 00:55:22,583
Well, he split a gut
on that one, Colonel.
469
00:55:23,875 --> 00:55:25,875
The lobe, please.
470
00:55:31,208 --> 00:55:35,792
Now I can set the world right.
471
00:55:47,458 --> 00:55:50,750
Now for some throbbing
military power.
472
00:56:02,833 --> 00:56:07,083
Whoa! Whoa!
Oops! Oops! Whoa! Oops!
473
00:56:07,458 --> 00:56:10,917
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Oops! Oops!
474
00:56:11,333 --> 00:56:13,917
Wait. This is too bulky.
475
00:56:17,750 --> 00:56:20,667
All I need is destruction
476
00:56:20,750 --> 00:56:23,583
at my fingertips.
477
00:56:26,792 --> 00:56:30,042
Make way for the doctor
of destruction.
478
00:56:39,500 --> 00:56:43,917
All this destruction
is making me excited. I gotta pee.
479
00:57:01,750 --> 00:57:03,083
Uh-oh.
480
00:57:09,833 --> 00:57:12,958
I've got to think of a better... aaah!
481
00:57:18,042 --> 00:57:22,417
At last, my communication
network is complete.
482
00:57:25,250 --> 00:57:27,500
Okay, world, here comes the new
483
00:57:28,625 --> 00:57:31,667
Larson P. Giles!
484
00:57:31,875 --> 00:57:33,042
Send in the nurse.
485
00:57:58,542 --> 00:58:00,500
Hmm.
486
00:58:00,583 --> 00:58:02,708
Maybe it needs a little pressure.
487
00:58:09,708 --> 00:58:13,375
All right, fun's over.
Give me the lobe.
488
00:59:11,417 --> 00:59:14,833
♪ We are the Smilecorp
Corporation ♪
489
00:59:15,083 --> 00:59:19,208
♪ We bring smiles across... ♪
490
00:59:20,250 --> 00:59:23,042
Kill the fuckers!
Kill the fuckers!
491
00:59:23,125 --> 00:59:25,458
Kill the fuckers! Kill the fuckers!
492
01:00:05,083 --> 01:00:07,042
They're getting away!
493
01:00:16,583 --> 01:00:18,667
Keri, why did you come
back to save me?
494
01:00:18,750 --> 01:00:23,042
Like you said, love is forever,
and besides - it was GREAT sex!
495
01:00:23,125 --> 01:00:26,792
But I'm so weird.
Oh, shut up and kiss me.
496
01:00:33,750 --> 01:00:36,708
Hey, it's our friend
the caterpillar!
497
01:00:46,542 --> 01:00:48,417
Thanks for the help!
498
01:01:06,083 --> 01:01:07,583
Hey, you!
499
01:02:26,500 --> 01:02:28,708
Thanks, Mac.
500
01:02:55,167 --> 01:02:56,917
Shh.
501
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:12,292
Send in more troops!
502
01:03:12,375 --> 01:03:14,833
♪ We are the Smilecorp Corporation ♪
503
01:03:33,958 --> 01:03:36,000
I just love convertibles.
504
01:03:41,542 --> 01:03:44,500
Hey. Slow down, will ya?
505
01:03:44,917 --> 01:03:46,958
Watch the corners.
Someone could get hurt.
506
01:03:52,500 --> 01:03:54,042
Whoo-hoo!
507
01:03:54,125 --> 01:03:56,292
Let's rope and ground us a heifer!
508
01:03:57,875 --> 01:04:02,042
Yee-haw! Ride 'em, cowgirl!
509
01:04:08,500 --> 01:04:09,500
We need help.
510
01:04:09,917 --> 01:04:11,583
Send in the super gun.
511
01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:14,333
Send in the super gun.
512
01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:25,958
♪ We are the Smilecorp
Corporation... ♪
513
01:04:26,458 --> 01:04:29,125
Oh, the super gun! Oh, no!
514
01:04:29,792 --> 01:04:32,375
We gotta get out of here.
It's the super gun.
515
01:04:32,458 --> 01:04:34,917
We're all gonna die!
We're all gonna die!
516
01:04:35,042 --> 01:04:38,292
It's the super gun!
Let's get out of here!
517
01:04:38,375 --> 01:04:40,958
Aah, the super gun!
518
01:05:00,625 --> 01:05:02,208
Look on target.
519
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,458
Elevation:
five-three-six, point two-niner.
520
01:05:06,833 --> 01:05:08,875
Longitude:
three-two-niner, point seven
521
01:05:13,500 --> 01:05:14,500
Do it.
522
01:05:15,417 --> 01:05:16,917
Commence countdown.
523
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:25,125
It's not too late, Grant.
Give up the lobe.
524
01:05:31,542 --> 01:05:33,500
Give up the lobe, Grant
525
01:05:35,583 --> 01:05:37,375
Give up the lobe.
526
01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:53,000
Fire!
527
01:06:40,333 --> 01:06:41,542
Hold on!
528
01:07:01,792 --> 01:07:04,458
♪ How'd you get to be so cute? ♪
529
01:07:04,958 --> 01:07:07,208
♪ Did you buy it like a suit? ♪
530
01:07:07,875 --> 01:07:12,333
♪ Were you hoppin' shoppin'
boppin' moppin'? Ooh ♪
531
01:07:12,417 --> 01:07:15,792
♪ Spending lots of loot ♪
532
01:07:16,083 --> 01:07:17,917
♪ How'd you get so cute? ♪
533
01:07:20,042 --> 01:07:22,500
♪ How'd you get to be so hot? ♪
534
01:07:23,083 --> 01:07:25,083
♪ Did you pop out on the spot? ♪
535
01:07:25,208 --> 01:07:27,083
The lobe!
536
01:08:13,417 --> 01:08:15,333
What the hell?
537
01:08:17,875 --> 01:08:19,667
Sacrebleu!
538
01:08:25,792 --> 01:08:30,250
It's working!
Complete global communications!
539
01:08:30,583 --> 01:08:33,167
I can control everything!
540
01:08:33,625 --> 01:08:37,333
I can't be stopped now!
541
01:09:38,917 --> 01:09:41,500
My huggie lamb.
542
01:09:42,292 --> 01:09:44,708
Huh, poopsie-woopsie?
543
01:09:45,917 --> 01:09:48,083
My pookie pants.
544
01:09:49,083 --> 01:09:53,542
Grant, I take it all back!
Will you forgive me, Grant?
545
01:09:56,375 --> 01:09:58,000
What's happening, Keri?
546
01:09:58,208 --> 01:10:01,458
I've been watching a lot of TV lately.
547
01:10:05,333 --> 01:10:07,625
♪ How'd you get to be so cute? ♪
548
01:10:07,708 --> 01:10:11,083
♪ Did you buy it like a suit? ♪
549
01:10:11,167 --> 01:10:14,542
♪ Were you hoppin' shoppin'
boppin' moppin'? ♪
550
01:10:14,625 --> 01:10:18,000
♪ Ooh, were you spendin'
lots of loot? ♪
551
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:21,458
♪ How'd you get so cute? ♪
552
01:10:23,583 --> 01:10:26,292
♪ How'd you get to be so hot? ♪
553
01:10:26,375 --> 01:10:28,542
♪ Did you pop out on the spot? ♪
554
01:10:29,417 --> 01:10:34,250
♪ Or did you sew it, mow it
blow it, show it, grow it ♪
555
01:10:34,333 --> 01:10:37,167
♪ Ooh, like a crop? ♪
556
01:10:37,417 --> 01:10:39,875
♪ How'd you get so hot? ♪
557
01:10:41,333 --> 01:10:45,042
♪ And the beauty that is you ♪
558
01:10:45,792 --> 01:10:48,375
♪ Oh, I love it so ♪
559
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:52,375
♪ I'm lost in your dream world ♪
560
01:10:52,917 --> 01:10:55,542
♪ That's why I want to know ♪
561
01:10:56,542 --> 01:10:58,583
♪ How'd you get to be so buff? ♪
562
01:10:59,292 --> 01:11:01,667
♪ I want to eat all your stuff ♪
563
01:11:02,375 --> 01:11:06,667
♪ Were you bakin' shakin'
makin' flakin' cakin'? ♪
564
01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:09,542
♪ Baby, I'm in love ♪
565
01:11:09,833 --> 01:11:12,542
♪ How'd you get so buff? ♪
566
01:11:14,333 --> 01:11:16,458
♪ How come you're so much fun? ♪
567
01:11:17,292 --> 01:11:19,542
♪ Honey baby, you're no nun ♪
568
01:11:20,208 --> 01:11:23,500
♪ You're so nervy
curvy, swervy, ooh ♪
569
01:11:23,833 --> 01:11:27,042
♪ Please shoot me with a gun ♪
570
01:11:27,958 --> 01:11:30,625
♪ How'd you get so fun? ♪
38912
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