Original subtitles

I've lived in the Klaxon Arms all my life, and while I'd be the first to

that it's seen better days, there's still something charming about the

Classic. Like a grand dame who probably needs a facelift or two, but what I'm

talking about is her soul.

Inside, she's too special.

And that's why it broke my heart when people started abandoning her.

First it was the Egan, then the Peters, then the Ruppenthal's.

By the time the Shankars moved out, things were heading downhill pretty fast

the Klaxon Arms.

Oh, how do you do that?

How do you do that?

My name's Mona, by the way, Mona Bailey.

I live up in 305.

I have since I was born.

I guess things started turning right after the building went co -op.

The man carrying the tray there, that's my husband, Ned.

He's such a sweetie, so patient, especially since my difficulties began.

Coming.

Ned! Coming.

Ned, I think I know what this is. I think it's Lyme disease.

Honey, in order for you to have Lyme disease, you have to have been bitten by

infected tick.

No. And considering you haven't been outside the building in the last six

months, I don't... What about the headache and the joint pain?

Mona, do yourself a favor and throw that thing away.

It's doing you more harm than good. My physician's desk reference, Ned? I don't

think so. Listen, Mona, Mona.

Do you remember that superstore I told you about, the one they're building out

west? Ned had been the assistant manager at Crazy Mo's electronics store for

years. They've asked me to manage it.

Huh? I mean, wouldn't that be an amazing opportunity for both of us? Well, you

know, I can't go outside.

But nothing will happen to you, Mona. Ned, you don't know that. I'm highly

susceptible.

Honey, if you want to go without me, you know I'll understand.

Oh, no, no, honey.

If you don't want to come with me, then... I

love you.

I love you, too.

I felt awful. That promotion was everything to Ned, but you have to

there was no way I could ever leave the clacks in arms. Ever.

Period.

Ned, the milk?

What was the date on the carton?

So as the weeks went by, more and more tenants sold out and moved away. They

must have thought the building would never be worth anything.

But somebody must have felt differently because somebody was secretly buying

them out.

The question was, who?

The owner's meeting took place at Dom Pardo's.

Dom was an artist whose specialty was nudes.

Though, maybe special's the wrong word.

Whoever's making these offers is counting on us panicking and selling

So then they turn around and sell high when we're all gone. Well, let me tell

you, I'm not going to let that happen, huh?

Not without a fight!

Looking around at my neighbors.

Feeling that sense of community with them, it made my heart swell.

They offered me 25 grand for my plate.

Tori Beth Walters was my best friend.

I guess you could say she had a bit of a temper on her.

Cartbaggers.

I say, we hunt them down and drop off...

I'm with you. At that moment, I felt so proud to be among those people.

I knew I had to do something to help out.

I sent away for a radon home testing kit.

See, I'd read this article about radon and how it could leak into buildings and

cause cancer, but then it occurred to me.

If it was radon leaking into our building, maybe then it wouldn't be so

attractive to the people trying to buy it out from under us.

I was shocked.

It was Shirley Baxter and Don Pardo, and they were kissing.

We've got to hurry. I told my husband I was going out for cigarettes.

Shirley was a happily married woman, and Don, well, he seemed bent on doing it

with every woman in the building.

You're hot and posh, guys.

Come on.

Just do a dance. Come on.

I can do fast.

We don't have time.

Come

here.

Hello. Is that you?

There is nothing wrong with your television.

Do not attempt to adjust the picture.

We are now controlling the transmission.

We control the horizontal and the vertical. We can deluge you with a

channels or expand one single image to crystal clarity and beyond.

We can shape your vision to anything our imagination can conceive.

For the next hour, we will control all that you see and hear.

You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the

deepest inner mind to the outer limits.

Please stand by.

How well can we ever know our neighbors?

Ned! Perhaps we might better ask, how well do we want to?

Ned! Mona!

Ned! I crawled away from the bed.

My chair broke.

I was electrocuted.

It was horrible.

Why didn't you just stand up and walk?

Oh, Ned!

I'm sorry.

Please,

Mona. Your legs were just fine, sweetie.

No, Ned!

What the hell were you doing in the basement anyway?

I was checking for radon. You were checking for what? Oh, Ned, don't you

understand? There's radon in the basement.

I get it. This is one of your illnesses, isn't it? No, no, no, Ned.

I swear, there's a honey. All right, I am not going to indulge in this anymore.

Ned, please. I am not a well person.

By choice, Mona. You are not a well person by choice.

Miss, my head is splitting.

It's humming in my ears. It's driving me crazy.

What? Oh, my God.

What? Oh, God. Somebody just fell off the roof.

Phil, what are you talking about? Ned, help me.

Help me, please.

No.

Honey, there's nothing there.

And then I saw them fall off the roof.

They were right there.

You heard it. You heard them screaming.

And then... I tell you, the whole thing was freakish.

Between the voices I was hearing and what I had just seen.

Really? Your body just fall past your window.

Oh, go on. Draw one. The problem with Tori Beth's cooking was...

tended to use unusual ingredients.

That's different.

See, I use baking soda toothpaste instead of just baking soda. That way

good for your teeth.

Maybe what you saw was a bird or a piece of the building.

Did you phone the police or an ambulance?

No, there was no body, so I... You think I'm making this up?

Here.

I hate this.

Look, obviously you're feeling threatened here. It's hardly surprising.

war.

When the enemy comes, you'll feel safer knowing you can fight back.

50 ,000 volts.

Right in the face.

Come on, honey. Maybe I had imagined the body, but I wasn't imagining those

voices. But what was causing them?

Maybe I was going crazy.

It's not possible. Maybe the radon had given me a tumor.

Miles and Delia Pendergast lived in 307. Delia worked for a law firm. Miles came

for money, but he worked for some non -profit organization.

How are you feeling?

Oh, I'm okay. I have a scratchy throat.

Oh, really, am I?

A brain tumor, possibly.

Vince is Shirley's husband. You remember her from the one... Have you tried

acupuncture?

all over it works for me works for both of us if you know what i mean um when

you get to work today d ask around find out if having right on your building

makes us candidates for a class action lawsuit against the company that built

the building or maybe even the city no you bet don't worry no no we won't let

them get away with it

Or I was dying.

Madness.

Tumor. Tumor. Madness.

I didn't like the sound of either of these.

There's nothing more frightening to a hypochondriac than finding out she might

be right.

The voices didn't stop. They continued.

In fact, they became more clear.

The torrent of sounds became words, known phrases, then whole sentences.

There is a hygiene problem.

Tori Beth?

Why is he looking at me like that, huh?

He knows, that's why.

Uh, some company calling itself KM Inc. has just started making offers. Serious

offers to all the... But, it's your sign.

And I'm not here.

That face in the painting. They offered me $325.

Can you believe it?

$150 for mine, too. I told you, I don't want to be on your forgiveness. Whoa!

At a post office box. I can feel it.

You hear what I'm saying? Someone in here is doing my wife.

Oh, yeah. I realized the voices, they weren't mine.

She's looking at me.

He's touching my leg.

Who is it?

Don, I'm going to kill you.

They were there.

What I've been hearing.

I thought you said they were voices, sweetie. I don't understand.

They are voices, Ned. That's what they sound like, except they're thoughts.

They're in people's heads, Ned. I don't know what happened. My God, she is

crazy. She's gone right over the freaking edge. No, I'm not crazy, Ned. I

not gone over the freaking edge.

What?

I don't think that's exactly what I thought. Can it be true?

I could actually see Ned thinking the things he was thinking.

She's psychic.

Ned, that's what it is. I'm psychic. I can read your thoughts. I'm telling you,

I'm reading every thought in your head. Oh, my God. If she can read my mind,

then she knows that I... I know what.

What? Just think it, Ned.

Think it, because I'm going to read it. I'm going to read your thoughts.

That I... That I'm here for you.

There they were, my friends in Melbourne.

On the surface, they were all so sweet to each other.

Well, let's just say you were out on a date.

Yeah, could happen.

You know, I think what's familiar. Don's a great artist, don't you think?

Oh, yeah, and fast.

And suddenly the guy got aggressive on you. Oh, aggressive in a good way or in

bad way?

What is wrong with you? Don't you have any self -respect?

Sure I do.

Oh, my God. Get this crazy woman away from me. No, you don't. There's more to

life than guys, you know.

Look at Mona.

She's so lucky to have someone like Ned.

I like Ned.

The sickly he wants.

I could be sickly.

And I could be a hell of a sicker than Mona.

I could get pneumonia if that's what he wants. Believe me.

There's not one guy in this whole dinking world worth dying over. I could

cancer. I'm not disagreeing with you.

Beck, at least it's worth me in two days.

God, that's another man I've driven away.

Poor Ned. He was working overtime to keep his thoughts to himself.

Beck, can you pass me a cracker?

Oh, sure.

I feel awful about asthma.

I can't even look at her. It's just... I don't want her near me.

So, Dillian, I didn't know you played tennis, too.

Oh, I love tennis.

Are you any good?

Uh, not bad. You know, it kind of all depends who you're playing with.

Well, have you ever thought playing with someone else?

Uh, playing yet? That's not what playing is.

Other people?

I was looking through some strange keyhole into their very selves. It

like Tori Beth. She didn't even talk to you.

She's way smarter.

Oh, God, I want her.

What's the worst thing that could happen, you know? You ask her on a date,

she says no.

Then you jump off a bridge and kill yourself.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

Do you play tennis too?

Sure I do.

Backhand, forehand.

I just love using my hands.

Can you imagine that slug slobbering all over him? Who knew it was such a soap

opera? Such a sordid one.

So Esme and Delia wanted Beck, but Beck wanted Tori Beth, who wanted Ned.

You're looking kind of pensive there, Vince.

Just looking around at how you decorated the place.

Even in the details, you know.

The way you inserted part of yourself into everything.

Yeah.

That's what I always do, huh?

Who could it be? Who could it be?

Who could it be? I loved it.

Seeing them all this way, so naked.

I felt I should look away, but I couldn't.

Man, nothing beats the feeling of silk undies, huh?

Especially when they're nice and tight.

I wonder if she knows I took them. Hey, sure.

I'm wearing your underpants.

Gee, what's with that look?

Shirley, you and Vince aren't leaving, are you?

No, no, no. Vince and I decided to stay.

Good. Solidarity.

One, Kiko.

Two, Kiko.

Stay in here.

The only way I'm leaving this place is to eat first.

I wonder how quickly those KMS people could cut me a cheek.

I could have got that freaking IRS off my back.

Oh, thanks, Miles.

I got the feeling that KM Inc. is right here in this room.

Okay, slimebag, let's just see who's got the deeper pockets.

You okay, Mona?

I was fine, compared to all of them.

These people were miserable.

And the more miserable they were, the more likely it was they'd give up on the

community we'd become.

Well, I, for one, was not going to let that happen.

It hurts, Ned.

Hurry.

Push and turn. Mona, I don't know what you're up to, but please, don't do it.

Ned, I have to. If I don't save these people from any kills... I am begging

You have to get out of this building.

Ned, I know why this isn't happening to me.

I've been given a gift.

I have to use it.

I don't know what you're so worried about.

Fine.

Be that way.

I am not quite sure I understand the question.

Your family has a lot of money, right?

Why don't you use some of it to help keep the cracks in arms from falling

the hands of someone irresponsible?

Yeah, I see what you mean.

I know it's none of my business, Delia, but you really need to be a better

friend to Esme. She needs you.

I don't know what you mean.

He's in love with somebody else.

Who? You're a pretty girl.

You deserve someone who thinks more highly of himself than Beck does.

Who thinks... More highly of you.

No, I just want you to know that I love you, that's all.

And the fact is, I'm not the only person around here who feels that way.

What are you talking about?

Sorry, Beth doesn't like me.

And even if she did, I wouldn't know what to say to her.

Just tell her how you really feel, Beth. Trust me, it's worth the chance.

Yeah, but I owe the IRS a ton.

Somehow they found out about all this cash I made off a... And you think Miles

told the IRS?

Well, maybe, except I don't see how he could have known.

I think I can help you then. Oh, now, first of all, sweetie, how the hell can

you help me? I need money.

Lots of it.

I'll get it for you.

You. You want in on our game?

Yeah. I want to play poker with you.

Do you even...

Know how?

A flush beats a straight. A full house beats a flush.

And nothing beats knowing that a guy in your building likes to wear women's

underwear.

That he stole.

What's it about, Dom? Really?

But where's the three ladies going to play with us, Dom? It's a tradition.

a guy thing. So we start a new tradition.

Yeah, Mom, let her play. Yeah.

What's the deal, Dom? She got something on you?

What makes you think she's got anything on me, huh? What's the matter with you?

What the hell's the matter with Dom?

What's he so jumpy for?

Something's wrong with you, man. I can feel it.

Who told you about me, huh?

How do you know?

Was it Sherry?

Delia, yeah.

Yeah, the baby has a mouth, all right.

What is Dom smiling at?

What is she smiling at?

I don't like this.

And I don't like her. Sure. Let her play.

You know what I really don't understand? I don't know why

these guys think they're such hot shot card players.

I mean, considering how easily their attention can be shifted.

John, your paintings of women are very beautiful.

Thanks. Where do you find your models?

These women...

They seem very familiar to me.

She's right.

This one looks like Delia.

Well, Delia with a boob job and a facelift. Now, why did Mona say that?

Why would Mona say that?

Damn her, she's up to something. I can feel it.

Maybe I should cut her in. Maybe I should cut her throat.

Nice poker face you got there, Mona.

You should talk.

Cut my throat.

I remember the body falling past my living room window.

Suddenly it was starting to make sense.

These people wanted to kill each other.

Maybe. They wanted to kill me too.

How you doing there, Mona? You okay?

Yeah, I'm okay. Except my throat is a little scratchy and one of my ovaries is

little tender. It was a rhetorical question, you stupid witch.

Like I really give a rat's ass how you feel. Stop.

You want to quit fidgeting?

Squirming around over there like your underwear don't fit.

Why does he keep staring at the painting of the blonde?

Just admiring your work there, Dom.

Mona looks a lot like...

Seems like I know some of these people.

Trust me, you don't.

It was incredible.

They were thinking about everything except the cards in their hands.

Come on, Miles.

Give it up.

What kind of deal is this? I can't do anything with this crap.

Don, you son of a bitch.

You leave one hand...

I swear!

Three, please.

Hey, anybody thirsty?

Mona, you want a beer?

Yeah, because my throat is very scratchy. I'm not... Don't. I'll take

What else? Do you have a cat? Jeez, I got nothing, huh?

Damn you, Mona, and your big mouth, huh?

He knows that I'm a dead man.

I wonder what kind of bandage you've got going on there, huh?

Come up here.

Victoria's Secret.

Careful, Mona.

The catalog this month.

Very beautiful women. Have you seen it?

Yeah, matter of fact.

Say what?

I'm the winner, Mona.

You fruit.

What's going on? What are you doing painting my wife with her birthday suit?

How do you even know? It was around then that the sound of their voices started

to get louder.

And it got harder to dial them out, no matter how much I focused.

It was out of desperation that I thought about Julia.

Suddenly it was like... My mind found her.

I would mostly be a better friend to Edna. But I'm not a good friend.

Is there something wrong between her and Beck?

No, there is. There won't be.

Delia.

That's what Mona was talking about. That's why she wouldn't tell me. That's

love. Delia.

Why are you doing this to me?

Maybe if I didn't explain to Delia how I feel about it, she'll understand.

Yeah, right.

Mona.

Mona. Mona. You with us?

She'll be.

Oh, wow.

Mona. Are you sure you know what you're doing? Hey, she wants to play with her

big boys. Let her play.

Yeah, you've been called.

Lay down your cards.

Four sixes. Four sixes? How did you do that? Drake, I get a full house and I

lose? You sure got a poker face, Lana.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Hey,

Dom.

Let me ask you about that painting over there.

What?

That one over there.

Yeah, that one.

Winter in Montana.

Montana?

The voices,

they were starting to get to me.

I thought about Beck and Toriban.

Here, I made it in time.

What the hell was I thinking?

Kind of cute.

This woman hates my guts. I hate you.

Check.

Come on.

She's lonely.

God knows you're lonely.

Come on, cowboy.

Make your move.

Make it. Get the hell out.

I don't look like the king to that, huh?

I'm riding a wheelchair.

I'm getting moist just thinking about it.

there was murder in the air it was definitely time to go hope you don't

we don't invite you back huh

I just did for you.

What are you talking about? I just thanked you.

No.

Mama?

This feeling of dread came over me.

I'd started something that couldn't be stopped.

There was murder in the air.

And on the pavement.

Curious, where did you learn to play cards like that?

You know too much for some little girl in a wheelchair.

If it's not frying or anything, I'd really like to know what you told Dom at

door.

I don't remember.

I hope you're not lying to me, Mona.

What's he tell you? What's he say? What's he say?

You know, you tilt your head back, it'll stop that bleeding.

So, what did you tell Don?

You wouldn't hurt me, would you, Vince?

You're a nice guy.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Vincent Baxter is a real nice guy.

Except I'm not Vincent Baxter. I'm Dr.

Munson. Guilty of murder in the first degree. Come on, Vince!

Come on, Vince.

You've got to keep Baxter in the past where he belongs.

Remember, remember.

You guys are in the past. We belong, remember?

Please talk to me.

They all want to kill me.

They want me to die.

Mona.

Let's get out of here.

Let's just pack up our stuff and leave before it's too late.

I wish I could.

It was already too late.

From all over the building, I could hear them. I'm going to get you, Mona, if

it's the last thing I do!

Oh, Esme, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. It was wrong of me to take him

from you. Yeah, well, you didn't actually, you know. Oh, I know, I know.

didn't even want you.

All I mean is, even if he had wanted me, you couldn't have taken him. I did. You

did. You did. You did.

That wasn't the worst of it.

Not by a long shot.

It's fresh.

Made a whole batch this morning.

Tori Beth, what kind of meat did you say was in him?

I don't know.

Meat.

Tori Beth, did things not go well last night with Beck?

The very idea of leaving my apartment scared me to death.

But I had to get that... that meat pie out of him. Mike.

Mona?

It's me.

began to get seriously out of control.

What have you done to me? I was

wrong, you see.

Beck wasn't dead.

I'm sorry, I just... I just... I don't want to rush this.

What is that supposed to mean?

Look, either you want to or you don't want to. There's no in -between.

Yeah, I want to.

It's just... Sorry, Beth.

I like you. But I'm not interested in like.

I couldn't care less about love.

Either. What?

This was a mistake.

How was I supposed to know Tori Beth's mind worked so metaphorically?

In the end, Beth walked right out the door.

Didn't even leave a forwarding address.

Of course, the police let Tori Beth go, and the meat pies and everything, well,

everything kind of just went downhill from there.

Of

course,

I couldn't leave.

Then it occurred to me, I don't have to go anywhere.

The rest of them will be leaving, one way or another.

They're not getting me.

I'm getting them.

Over the next few days, a plan started forming in my mind.

It was quite simple.

They all wanted to kill me, but if I could find some way to redirect their

anger...

Step one, replace stolen panties.

Dear Delia, you are the best. I mean it.

Sincerely, Dom.

Dear Cheryl, you are the best. I mean it.

Sincerely, Dom.

Step two, set views on time bomb.

It has come to my attention that you used to go by the name Kaiser Munson. We

should talk.

Your pal, Miles.

Dear Leona, it has come to my attention that Miles discovered your little secret

by reading your mail.

Step three, light the fuses.

Step four,

sit back, enjoy the fireworks.

What you got there? Oh, nothing.

Dear Leona, it has come to my attention that Miles discovered your little secret

by reading your mail.

Dear Dom, while you've been diligently trying to save the building, your pals

Miles and Vince have been working against you.

Dear Esme, sorry I left the way I did, but after Delia told me the truth about

you, I felt I had no choice. Sorry, Beth.

I'm still traumatized by the other night, but thanks to Delia, I know why I

threatened by you. You used to go by the name Kaiser Munson.

I got another piss ant to deal with first.

Tom, get the hell out of here.

What are you doing here? Go away.

You're the best.

And you win me. I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't send them.

They're not even mine.

They're hers.

And you sent me hers.

Bastard. You gave him your panties?

I got him first. You back off.

Open the door.

What are you doing?

is what happened.

I felt pain in every one of my organs, but I didn't care.

The voices were gone.

You just saved K .M.

Incorporated a small fortune.

I should be able to get the last of the apartments for practically nothing.

The moment this building is mine, I'm going to knock it the hell down.

Oh, and by the way, K .M. Incorporated, K .M., kill,

kill Mona, Mona, Mona.

That was how Ned meant to get me out of the building.

Except I was going to stab him in the trouble.

Turned out Ned was right about getting me out of that place.

Finally, I was cured.

It is said that our relationships deepen as secrets give way to truth.

It may be, however, that there are some stones better left unturned.