Original subtitles

Hard to imagine we could get any closer than we are right now.

But we can, you know.

Closer than this?

Oh, yeah.

You're in my heart, Jason.

I could feel you alone, deep inside.

You know what I want for Christmas?

What? My 8x10, ma 'am. This moment.

To last forever.

Oh, now that's a shame.

Joe, you know I don't like bums in the house.

Oh, this better not be loaded, girl.

What brings you here? I heard a gunshot.

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

What are you looking at?

There is nothing wrong with your television.

Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are now controlling the transmission.

We control the horizontal and the vertical. We can delude you with a

channels or expand one single image to crystal clarity and beyond.

We can shape your vision to anything our imagination can conceive.

For the next hour, We will control all that you see and hear.

You are about to experience the awe

and mystery which reaches from the deepest inner mind to the outer limits.

Even in the most innocent of minds, there are still secrets best left

unrevealed.

Damn, it's damn cold out there tonight.

Hey, what the hell are you doing starting without me?

You said you'd be home by five.

It is five.

Five after five.

What did you do to your head?

Hey, Becca.

Becca, you deaf?

No.

I asked you, what did you do to your head?

I just bumped it.

Bumped it?

Yeah, I bumped it. Just bumped it. It's a bump.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

That's like, yes, Kenny, delivering the mail for a change.

You mean your special swimsuit edition yet showed up.

But talk about it after supper. I'll sit by your chair.

You didn't say anything about the tree, Joe.

Put it up too early.

Well, they had the tree up today on my afternoon story.

TV people know about those things.

Come Christmas, there'll be more needles on the floor than on the tree. Now, you

watch.

Stupider than a pod.

What are you looking at?

What are you looking at? What do you think I'm looking at?

Maybe I'm thinking of buying you a new bathing suit for Christmas. Maybe that's

what I'm looking at.

Maybe a...

A bikini, huh?

Hey, maybe I'll get you a birthday suit for Christmas.

Maybe you'll get that.

Get it?

That's nothing.

Ugh.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You're bummed? Huh?

I don't think so.

You gotta be careful about bumming your head. That's where your brains are.

Well, it's just a... Why don't you go see Doc Fink?

Doc Fink's a veterinarian. He's still a doctor.

And he's $9 a visit.

I don't see nobody but me earning money around here, do you?

You see him, don't see him, all I'm saying...

Is it your head is where your brain is?

I know that.

Well, neither rain nor sleet nor snow.

I'm off to the P .O.

What's up, you lot?

You wouldn't want to miss out.

What's that supposed to mean?

A lonely sound. I know you like them.

Isn't that easy?

There's something important I want to tell you.

of your husband Joe was putting the boots to that hussy down at the post

Just thought you should know.

Becca. You, be quiet!

Becca, it's not blood. It's raspberry filling. You're going to give yourself a

heart attack.

It's raspberry filling, Becca. Look, it's from the coffee cake. It's all over

the rug. Yeah, look, look.

Oh, go away.

I'd love to. I've been stuck on this damn TV for so long. Don't talk.

Pictures don't talk.

Becca, I'm not a picture. I'm just the guy that came with the frame. You've got

to pay more attention, Becca.

Becca, please, don't do this.

America! America! Becca, I'm just trying to tell you about your husband and

Nancy's boss.

Daddy? Pictures don't talk, Becca. If you think that picture talked, then you

must be crazy.

Daddy, it can't be.

You're hearing voices in your head, ain't you?

No, Daddy, not in my head.

No, it talked right to me.

No, it talked right to me.

It's happening outside of me. I can't do ventriloquism.

Rebecca Bouchard, I'll beat you three shades of blistered rose for that crazy

talk. Daddy, I swear.

One shade for thinking the thing. It talked. It talked right to me.

Shade for lying?

No, it's just a bump.

I want shade for believing.

as I live and breathe.

How long's it been?

Oh, I guess since my cat Ozzie died.

Oh, yeah. How is Ozzie?

Dead. Oh, yeah, that's right. What can I do for you today?

Well, I bumped my head.

Oh, yeah? When was that?

Day before yesterday.

Yeah. And, uh, how did that happen?

Rooting through the closet for Christmas decorations.

Oh, yeah.

Getting in the spirit for Christmas, huh?

Anyway, Joe said I should come see you because your head's where your brains

are. Yeah, well, he's right about that. That's for certain.

Well, let's see. Are you having any of the... Schizophrenic episodes?

I looked it up.

Oh, well, all right. Are you having any of those?

I've been hearing voices.

Oh, yeah.

Sort of consistent with first -break psychotic episodes, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Well, now, it depends.

Whose voice was it? Was it Joe's?

My daddy.

Huh.

Now, your daddy passed away, didn't he? Oh, yeah, but that didn't stop him from

giving me hell over the phone just the same.

You know, Beck, I hate to say it, but there are kids in this county who think

that kind of thing is comical.

Oh, no, it was him.

I remember his voice like it was yesterday.

Which it was.

Hmm.

Now, what'd they say?

That I shouldn't be hearing voices.

That's kind of ironic, don't you think? I mean, him being the voice. Yeah,

that's what I thought.

Well, let's take a look at that bump.

That looks more like an indentation than a bump, per se.

Now, what kind of Christmas decoration did you say it was? Big and shiny and

heavy. That's all that comes to mind.

Yeah, and you didn't faint or vomit or anything?

No.

Well, it's healing up pretty good.

Yeah, now, listen, Becca, I can put a fresh Band -Aid on, but I

can't really give you anything for the voices.

You know, being a veterinarian, I can't properly prescribe psychiatric

medication. Okay.

Well, as long as you say it's healing, then I can tell Joe I'm on the mend.

Yeah?

Well, now, if you're dead dead, he should call you up again. I want you to

hustle into town and see Doc Simmons. He can fix you up with some Prozac. Doc

Simmons passed away, didn't you know?

No. When?

About a month ago.

He was cremated. Oh, what a shame.

He was just about ready to retire, too.

That's a shame.

That'll be $9, please.

Oh, hey, Flo.

Well, hey to you, too, Becca. A little last -minute Christmas shopping?

Last minute?

Oh, sweetheart, for me, two weeks before the 25th is last minute.

I'm done every year by August the 10th. It's my birthday. Oh, you probably don't

remember. My husband hasn't since 89.

Anyway, I'm just picking up some stocking stuffers. Oh, same here.

stuffers for Joe.

Your boy's not coming home this year?

Well, we're at odds.

And this year isn't even.

Oh, so Byron's with the in -laws instead of with the woman who brought him into

the world. There's no justice I wouldn't put up with it. What did you do to your

head?

Oh, I bumped it. Not trying to cover a bullet hole or anything, are you?

Didn't shoot yourself in the brain, did you?

Oh, your face just can't hide a secret.

No.

Well, that's a relief.

Anyway, sock and supper.

Men do like their tools, don't they?

Joel will love it.

Go on, get it. I got one of them 9 -in -1s for Kyle. He uses it day in, day

He's right, you know.

Men do love their tools.

Go away!

How can you say that?

I'm the perfect gift.

Heck, I'm more than that.

I'm on sale.

Back up.

You want me.

Oh, that's a lie.

How can you not want to buy one of me for every room in the house, huh?

You wanted to put Byron's senior grad picture over me, but you just couldn't

bring yourself to do it, could you? There was just something about my face.

I'm not going to take no for an answer, Becca.

I want you to take me home.

Now!

Um, the cartridges are totally broken.

The manager's not here.

Well, that's all right, dear. Get out your paper and pencil.

We've got all the time in the world, haven't we, Becca?

What's the shame about Joe putting the boots to that hottie he works with down

at the post office nearly every day of the week, isn't it? I mean, Becca,

Feeling into the photocopy room, locking the door, unwrapping

each other like Halloween candy, rubbing the plate of the window like I don't

even know the proper name.

Sixty -six. Copies. That's what it's meant for. That's all they've done for.

Mouths more urgent than first -class mail. No noise. Can't make noise. 36

Uh, plus text, that's 38 .15.

Are you sure?

Oh, yeah.

Boy, Becca Paltz and I had no idea you were so mathematic.

Spare the deer. How much is mine?

Um, 25 .23 all in.

Well, isn't that something?

You'll put words in her mouth.

God's on.

True.

Will you just be quiet till we get home?

Time for my afternoon story.

I don't want you talking to her, Miss Dory.

Section.

Spring climb.

The bullet's lodged in her limbic system.

Whoa.

Would you look at that?

It entered just above her eye.

It slowed down significantly by the skull.

And they ended up in here, deep within the hippocampus, center of vivid

emotions, sexuality, memory.

Shouldn't she be dead?

Absolutely.

But it's just possible the bullet could improve her brain function by

eliminating a tumor that was already there.

Oh, yeah.

More than that, she could experience increased intelligence.

Sexual drive, creativity.

Or it could... Kill her.

A shame.

Just before Christmas.

Yeah.

Oh, I never saw that one coming.

She's supposed to get married after the new year.

Well, I think I'll get a snack.

You want something?

That's okay. I'm fine.

A lot of mail going through that office.

That's Christmas for you.

What the hell is this?

This afternoon when I was wrapping presents, it just struck me that the sum

the squares of the length of the sides of a right -angled triangle is equal to

the square of the length of the hypotenuse.

That's the Pythagorean theorem, ain't it?

I don't know.

How'd you know?

High school geometry.

That came to me when you said hypotenuse.

Oh.

Well, I don't know what good it does, but there.

I thought I discovered something.

Oh, honey, you couldn't count as high as the candles on your cake.

He should be thinking of you that way.

The hussy?

Is your body like those girls in that magazine?

Matthew Voss, you mean?

The woman that Joe's putting the boots through down at the post office? I

hussy.

Fine, but that hussy's 50 years old.

Trim, well -kept, handsome 50. Don't get me wrong.

You want to put the shoes to her, too?

Becca, please.

I'm an 8x10.

Why does he do it with her?

Because you don't.

And Adam?

You let him. That's romantic.

Almost every time.

And when you let him, nothing ever happens for you, not even a little.

You don't relish the animalism, sexual congress with its grunting, thrusting.

Stop talking like that.

The hussy does.

Nancy Voss does.

She can't get enough.

She wants it, craves it, looks forward to it every lunch hour.

Why? You getting turned on?

Darn.

Look at Joe.

Right now, he's imagining the woman in that magazine.

It's Nancy Bond.

He's my husband.

Then you have to take him, Becca.

Take what's yours.

Say it out loud.

Joe. Say it, Becca. I can't.

Say it!

I don't know what's wrong, Becca, but I don't like it.

I don't like it at all.

You get everything?

Extra battery.

Find everything at Derry Hardware?

Uh -huh.

Hank Barber sell you this?

He was there, yeah, but I didn't need it.

I'll tell you a funny story about Hank Barber.

About ten years ago, when Hank really was a young buck, Hank hated his boss so

much that he poured half a package of laxative into the poor man's chocolate

lunch hour.

Yeah? What happened?

Well, what do you think happened? Right there in front of a customer while

Hank's boss was demonstrating how to install a new wire cutter for the weed

whipper.

So what did you do to Hank?

Nothing. Hank managed to hold on to Punch that time, but the second he got

his car... I meant, what did you do to Hank that made Hank do that?

Oh, it was just neat.

You know, junkyard dogma.

The way Joe can be moved sometimes.

It was not happening.

Uh -huh.

Oh, that's great.

I'm getting a lot of ideas later, Becca.

You're almost ready.

No, Steve felt there was not too much to do.

I guess you get a motorcycle battery.

Atta girl.

Okay.

Coming card's done.

Nothing wild.

Jack's are better than... Oh.

In you go.

Did you hear Bobby Coward? He got to liquor it up mid -shift on his split

day and wind it up making time and a half.

All the time he's driving the porcelain bus in the restroom.

Whoa! Well,

he can get away with that. He's union.

I tried that down the hardware store. My butt's out the door before you can say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, is he a deuce?

A queen?

A nine?

Deuces are wild, right? No.

Time for the dealer.

They just bet. And this happens every Thursday night?

Unless it falls on Christmas Day like this year, then they reschedule. Huh.

Okay. I wonder if he'll be rescheduling his nooner with Nancy Voss.

Hussie.

Bless you.

You know, Joe doesn't win nearly as much as... No, no, no.

Sorry. Go ahead.

As I was saying.

He thinks he's God's gift to the game, I know.

Things are looking up for the dealer.

He doesn't have a straight flush.

Are you reading his mind?

No. Anybody would know that.

Hey, Becca, bear me.

Peanuts. And some peanuts.

All right.

You sure you got it all now?

You don't have to write it down or nothing.

A pair of deuces bet.

A couple of deuces don't beat a straight flush, though.

Well, here's something funny.

Becky's not a real bright girl, see. She puts a Christmas tree up when they do

it on her soap opera.

Buck, we know you don't have the flush, Joe.

You're just throwing good money after bad.

We'll see.

We'll see.

I'll see your dollar, and I'll raise you five.

Let's see if you put your money where your mouth's supposed to be. All right,

I'll call. Call.

You can't just call like that.

Yeah. I bet you raised, he called. What you got? What do you got?

Well, I don't know, but I bet you raised, he called. What you got?

You know we knew you didn't have the flush.

We're crying out loud. I got three deuces showing.

Would you wipe that stupid smile off your face?

And we can put some damn creatures in these damn frames.

It's embarrassing.

Got your peanuts. Guy always staring at me, giving me creeps. You want them?

I made Sonic light up this morning.

Don't forget your... lunch.

How was work?

Busy. Same here. Busy, busy.

Or supper.

Ain't it Friday?

Pizza night.

You are doing something.

You shouldn't do that.

Hey, where is Joe anyway?

Makes the sleep most Saturday afternoons.

Yeah, of course.

No, no, no. Put the black clip onto the red one there.

Like that?

I like that.

That's my girl.

Did you sleep last night?

No.

Too many nightmares decide to stay up all night.

That's a good idea.

I think I'm done.

You're getting so clever, Becca. I don't even know what to do with you.

Mega, warm up the TV for me, okay?

Okey -dokey.

Finished wrapping the presents, decorating, making and cleaning, and

everything.

I thought you were going to warm up the TV.

Couldn't find the clicker.

Don't listen to him. There's a bullet in your head.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, no!

God, help me!

I thought you ought to know my heart's on fire.

The flames, they just leap higher.

So I will weather the storm.

Why do I care how much it storms?

Perhaps the descent into madness is not a solitary journey.

cop James Belushi partners up with man's best friend over on the studio in a few

minutes in the movie at 9 o 'clock, K9.

Log on to thestudio .com.

Androids have rights too.

The UK television premiere of The Outer Limits Series 7 is next.