Original subtitles

Thank you.

Take me, Morgan, ladies and gentlemen.

Hi, come on in. Miss Morgan will be here in a minute. Thank you.

Come on. Look.

Isn't this beautiful? Stars dressing room. Wow.

Boy, I'm really impressed with you, boy.

A date with J .P. Morgan?

Wow. It's a giant step up from Crazy Rhoda Zimmerman, I'll tell you that.

Now, if you wanted to meet her, I'm going to introduce you, then you're

take a giant step out of here, right? Right. Okay.

Well, bold him again.

Oh, you sang great tonight.

Thank you. You know my manager, Bernie Morty, don't you?

Delighted. Oh, I'd like you to meet Miriam Welby, J .P. Morgan. Oh, I loved

show. Felix, I'm J .P. Morgan. Miss Morgan, you were just, just marvelous.

absolutely marvelous. A flawless performance. You're a total pro. Just...

Oh, you were disappointed, weren't you?

He doesn't understand your kind of humor.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just kidding.

Now, make yourselves at home. I'm going to change, okay? Thank you. Thank you.

How are you doing? You did make yourself at home?

Here's a cap of this. Here it is. Now, leave everything alone, will you? Just

straighten yourself.

Oh,

look at the albums over there on the table. Oh, boy.

Yeah.

Hey, excuse me, sweetheart.

Well, it's how I got along, honey.

Good show.

Thanks. Listen, I'll see you later. By the way, is everything set for Vegas?

Yeah. Say, but what do you say we add one more up to?

Something we've never done before. Something fresh, huh? Okay.

Delighted.

Thank him for it.

Did you hear that?

What?

What Mr. Morty said.

Delighted.

What he said before that.

Oh, what did he say?

He said you should add an up to.

So? How does a big singer like that find new tunes?

I guess where she finds the old tunes, from a professional songwriter.

New kid just can't get a break.

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

You're not a new kid.

You're old enough to be a professional, but you're not. Now, forget it, Felix. I

wasn't talking about me. I wrote that hit song in the army. Oh, not the army

song.

It's up.

It's up, boy. It's an up tune. It's up.

Would you mind handing me my beige shoes, please? Okay.

Good choice.

Let's hit Hitler where he lives.

And America never forgets. I wrote this song in the army. I won the silver

canteen for it.

Let's force him to surrender.

The gold canteen was won by interferers' face.

In incendiary slander.

Let's hit Hitler where he lives.

It's called To a Sauerkraut.

Felix, Germany isn't our enemy anymore.

What a waste of a good song.

I just wanted to show you a tune.

And now, Felix, we're going to leave. Yeah, yeah. Felix, it was wonderful

meeting you. I hope I see you again soon. Thank you. And keep writing those

tunes. I will. I won't let you down. I promise you. We're going to be a smash

Vegas.

I really like him. He's cute.

new song for J .P. Morgan, but that great old tune of mine is so catchy, it

keeps going through my mind.

Maybe I could modernize it.

Let's kiss Kissinger where he lives.

Can't you kiss Kissinger some other place some other time?

I'll just have to work this out for myself. I'm not going to bother you. I'm

going to work softly.

You can help me by fighting softly.

is J .P. Moore.

Happy and peppy.

Now write a happy and peppy song.

Now what word suggests happy and peppy?

Happy and peppy.

Happy and peppy what?

Bernstein.

Happy and peppy Bernstein.

No, no. It's got nothing to do with you. He's the manager of the fighter I'm

writing about. What's the fighter's name?

Jojo Luft.

And bursting with love.

That's going to work.

That's going to work.

Happy and happy and bursting with love.

That's fresh.

from both nostrils at the sound of the bell.

Can you use that, Mozart?

The bell?

I can use the bell.

I'm gonna answer when I hear the bell.

Happy, precocious, and swell.

I finished the song all by myself, and you helped.

You want your name on it? No, no, you can keep all the glory. I only write

as a hobby.

J .P. Moore.

Here we go again.

Quiet in the studio, please. Quiet, quiet, quiet.

Tape is rolling.

To be or not to be.

That is the question.

Testing. Testing.

Good. Where's Oscar?

Oscar!

Oscar! Pilot to tower. Pilot to tower.

You should know this was your idea.

It was my idea to turn my living room into a cocktail lounge?

I'm acting like a professional. We're making a professional demo tape.

When you hear it, you'll take it with pride, J .P. Morgan, and say, here is a

professional song.

This is a professional rock group?

What's their names? The No Dimensions?

Don't kid around. These are very accomplished people.

Miriam studied bass as an adult.

You've heard Murray on guitar.

Luciano.

On piano, we've got me.

And you're my tambourine man.

Come on. I don't know how to play this thing. It's okay,

Oscar. I'm faking it. I just know how to spin it.

Yeah, it'll be a gas gigging with you, Oscar.

What did you say about Lingo? Oh, we busted a rock group last week.

You just follow me. You're the percussion section.

You feel it. You feel it. Now, is everybody set?

Quiet in the studio, please.

Take. Take is rolling.

Happy and Peppy and Bursting with Love by Felix Unger. Take one.

You put in accents and not the whole thing. Mishmash. I don't have accents.

Happy. Like that.

You want me to hit it? You underline the word. Quiet the studio, please.

Tape. Tape is rolling.

Happy and Peppy.

Take two.

Happy and Peppy.

I'm doing it again.

I hit it.

You told me to hit it and I hit it. You hit it after Happy. You didn't hit it

after Peppy. You didn't tell me to hit it after Peppy. Happy and Peppy and

bursting with love. You went too after love. Tell me.

This is a demo, boy. This is professional.

This is the only thing she's going to hear. It's got to be perfect.

Yeah, this could mean a lot of money to us, Oscar. You know how much our rock

group that we busted made on just one song?

How much?

A quarter of a million dollars.

Just four guys who met in jail.

A quarter of a million dollars? Yeah, it happens all the time. Overnight

millionaires. I turned down the biggest bribe of my career.

Felix Unger and Oscar Madison.

Wolfman Jack is the biggest disc jockey in the country, and he's a friend.

I want his professional opinion. If he likes it, I'll bring it to Jay. And let

me do the talking. If you need any help, give me a cue.

Yeah, if you see me drop my pants and do the funky chicken, that's your cue.

I appreciate you taking the trouble to listen to our song. Oh, it's the Wolfman

Good Vibes Offensive. You understand?

He's my partner, Felix. I know he's got the music with him. Give it to him,

Felix.

Give it to him.

Get down. It's your bad son.

Good.

He's your partner.

Mr. Wolfe, we know you're busy, so we'll just leave the music, okay? Well,

listen, I dig the table. I will definitely listen to the tapes. And your

leisure, of course. Definitely, definitely. We just want you to know

cognizant of your position as arbiter of taste for the younger generation.

Most appreciative, sir.

What's he talking about?

What's he talking about? Just leave the tapes, Felix.

Have you got a machine here? Are you going to take it into another room and

listen in privacy?

I'll dig the tape, Mike. I'll dig the tape.

Here's the sheet music in case you want to call along. Give me the tape. Give me

the tape, yes.

Wait, wait. Thank you.

Now, if you stand real close to your radio, the Wolfman is gonna inject a

boogie right into your ever -loving soul.

Now, let's all ride the elephant of happiness through the jungle of love.

Mama. If he read it like that, he would be unemployed. You gotta give it

feeling. You gotta move it. You gotta do the whole... Let me see.

Now, if you stand real close to the radio...

I dig noises.

Rasps.

Scratches.

Screams in the night. You understand?

I mean, I dig noise, man. But there's something else. You brought me down.

I mean, I haven't been this down since 1957.

Later.

Right now, let's get rid of all the weird vibrations out in the...

Wolfman Cubs.

Come on, please.

J .P. Morgan's gonna be right in this room in a few minutes. Just show her the

song. No.

Oh, she's going to be here because I made a social date with her. I don't

the words music, records mentioned.

In fact, I don't even want you here.

Can I meet the company at least? No, you can't. Please. No.

hors d 'oeuvres for you. It's not frozen. Made it myself.

Here. Excellent.

Liver pâté on potato chip egg.

No, thanks. I'll eat later. Oh, I'll even have you. How about you just help

yourself, okay?

I'll put on some music.

Thursday.

Comes this rare vintage wine from the jolly green French winery.

What do we drink to?

A new record collection.

I usually allow my guests to smell the cork.

Well, I'll taste it. Most of it's in my glass anyway.

That's where all the joke is.

Wait,

wait a second.

Strange is coming out this year. Something else is coming out this year.

Now shut off this year. No, no, no. It's kind of catchy.

I like it.

at the words and the lyrics.

Oh!

Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were here.

Sorry to interrupt. I was just rewinding a tape of Happy and Peppy and Bursting

with Love, that new hit song that's sweeping the country.

Buster told me he just wrote it. What? Is that a copy? Let me look at it. You

see, Mr. Hammerstein?

This song is going to be big coin, Buster!

What's he doing?

I think he's putting his name on it.

Well, if you want to hear it, it's right here on the cassette I've got to run

along with. There it is, for your listening pleasure. You know how to work

don't you? Just push the start button. That's right. Then you can push the stop

button. We'll do it again. Okay, I'll leave you love, love, love.

Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

What a helpful little fellow.

I trained him right, too.

Get the music back on.

Listen, I'm glad you like the music, but we'll talk about that later.

Now, where were we?

I think we were just going to dip.

Let's go, baby, and dip.

One day a man could be a commercial photographer.

Portraits especially.

Portraits especially.

Or a sports writer. And the next day they could be the writer of a big hit

Well, that's happened.

A sports writer and a commercial photographer collaborated on a song.

they're here tonight. And if it doesn't embarrass you guys, stand up and take a

bow.

great star who took a chance on a couple of relative unknowns.

It was my pleasure, really. It was her pleasure. Do you know that?

What other star would say that? Kate Smith, maybe.

Right now, I'd like to give you my rendition of their wonderful song called

Happy and Peppy and Bursting with Love.

With love.

With love.

With love. With love. With love.

With love. With love.

With love.

Kate Smith interprets God Bless America?

I wrote the song, we had a totally different concept.

After all, it's called Happy and Peppy, but you seem to love it, so I guess

that's the right way to do it.

and to surrender.

An incendiary splendor. An incendiary splendor.

Let's hit Hitler where he lives.

Sketchy. Sketchy tune.