Original subtitles

All right, we'll be back with more contemporary music here on the Dick

Radio Show on WZAZ.

Time now for our big telephone quiz. And the subject today is opera.

Opera is the subject.

For you kids, that's music with a lot of killing.

And if we happen to get ourselves an opera buff, he or she could win himself

lot of prizes.

Did you get that?

It's right there. Why don't you answer?

I'm busy. I'm stirring some pans for your dinner.

And I'm busy.

Come on, so am I. You know, Merton and Murray will be here any minute.

Hello?

Yeah, it's Oscar Madison.

Yeah, I'll hold on.

What?

Hey, Felix, I want to be on radio with Dick Clark.

When? Just now.

Yeah, some sort of contest.

How come they picked you?

He said he picked my name out of the phone book and ran.

Yeah, I'm still here. Shoot, what's the question?

What was Mimi's real name in La Boheme?

Lucia. Lucia.

Is that right?

I'm still with it. Phoenix has just won four Caruso records.

Yeah? Probably got them already.

Named two operas set in Egypt.

Where the hero faces a trial of priests. I think I got you there.

Aida, of course, and the magic flute.

Aida, of course, and the magic flute.

Is that the truth?

Felix, you just won a seasoned subscription to the Opera News magazine.

I already take it.

Final question. Here comes the big one. Go ahead.

Yeah. Name three operas in which the leading lady is named Leonora.

Il Trovatore by Vandy. Il Trovatore by Vandy.

La Forza del Destino, also by Verdi. Something else by Verdi.

La Forza del Destino. La Forza del Destino.

Means the power of fate. In German, it's Die Macht des Schicksals.

In German, it's Die Macht des Schicksals. You don't want to know.

Come on, only a few seconds.

Fidelio by Beethoven.

Fidelio by Beethoven.

You're kidding.

I just want a car!

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

I mean, you answered the questions and he won the car.

Did you ever?

Hi, Myrna. Murray. Just talked to the radio station.

Sending my car over tomorrow.

Murray, it's the first car I've owned since Blanche won my old one from a

Yeah. He tell you how I won it?

You tell how you won it. It was easy. I answered some questions on that one. He

answered some questions. Felix helped. That's why I'm letting him have two of

the three prizes. Felix helped.

Don't start again, Felix.

Who wrote La Traviata?

Whoever.

What about Carmen?

What about her?

You see, it knows nothing.

It knows whose car it is.

He's willing to break up a friendship over greed.

There's as good a reason as any, huh, Murray?

My God.

Why don't you keep it in your room? You've already got a grease rack.

They called me on my phone. They told me I won. It's my car. That's the end of

it. Oh, oh, oh.

Hey, we don't be at fault, huh?

Your best friend?

Good to be with buddies, I'll tell you that.

Hey,

what do you say when I get the car tomorrow?

We all go for a ride, huh?

How about going to the racetrack? Would you like that, Myrna? Oh, that's right.

You don't like the race.

Murray, what do you say tomorrow we take a ride to Coney Island, huh?

Look in the crazy mirrors?

Make your nose look smaller?

The loop -de -loops? The cotton candy?

The funhouse?

The funhouse?

No.

Come along, will you?

You mean he answered the questions and you're keeping the car?

I have overcome with shock.

You think I cheated on him?

Yeah. You think I cheated on him? Yes. Who cares what you think?

It's my car. I want it. Why should I give it to him? He gets everything.

It's the first thing I ever want in my life. Why should I give it to him?

What did he ever give me except trouble?

Oscar, why can't you two guys share the car?

You mean halfies?

Yeah, share, share.

That's fair.

It's okay with me if it's all right with him.

What did he say, Felix?

Hmm? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

You want to share the car?

It's okay with me.

Okay, partner.

Hey!

Thank you.

That means for today, when they find out we want rent by the month, they'll find

space. This garage is nine blocks away from the apartment.

I'll have to take a cab to get over here. It costs me four dollars.

It's worth it for the peace of mind.

Round floor, towards the rear, not under any leaky water pipes.

Okay, sign here, leave your phone number.

That's it, huh?

When can we see our space?

That's it, you're looking at it.

Your space 83 on the waiting list. As soon as I fill 82 spaces, I'll give you

call.

What do you got under leaky pipes?

Puddles.

Can you take the note of sarcasm?

Be that as it may, there ain't a garage space within a hundred block radius of

this place. In fact, most of my openings are inherited.

What should we do?

Check the obituaries.

Follow up leads.

Persevere. Come on, let's go. There must be a better way to have it.

get us anything?

Sure, two fives.

Come on, we're not getting anything. There must be some way.

All right, let's put our cards on the table. How high are you guys willing to

go, huh? The limit.

Want the sign? That's $50 a month.

Pay no attention to the sign. It's an old sign. Last card I got in for that

a horse in front of it.

Now, how would you feel if the sign said $250 a month?

For $250 a month, I can get the cost me rooms and a bath.

All right, I tell you, I'll give you one. for $200, and that's the same rate

gave my mother.

Still too high. Can't you do any better?

Well, how's it going to look if I give you a better rate than I give my mother?

You shouldn't charge your mother.

Don't say anything about my mother.

Let's keep personalities out of this.

It's a business.

Utilize your intelligence. Look around yourself at the accoutrements.

You think these are donations?

Janus, what do you say?

I say... We'll park on the street.

Oh, yeah? Where do you live?

74th and Central Park West. Central Park West. 32 % bus stops. The rest is one

-hour parking.

7th Avenue, Broadway.

No parking between 7 a .m. and 7 p .m.

75th Street, you got your school zone no parking. You got your church on the

corner.

74th Street, all the side of the street parking. You got to move your car every

morning at 7 a .m. You want to hear about the east side now?

I've never met a guy who knows so much about parking.

What do you say? Seven o 'clock. We can do it. You think so?

It's better than paying blackmail. Good day, sir.

Go ahead.

Mr. See that? I can't even see you. What do you want?

Look. Look.

Look. Look. Look. It's 7 .01. Good. What's the temperature?

It's your turn to move the car.

Come on.

You better hurry up.

All the spots will be taken.

Well, you're up already. What are you doing?

Because it's not my turn. I got up at 6 .30 to see if you were going to keep

your turn.

The show's on the chart.

What chart?

The whose turn it is to park chart.

What does it say on that shot? It's my turn. Right there.

All right, will you? We're looking for parking space.

Felix, I can't take this aggravation anymore. Now let's sell the car.

Are you crazy?

I will never get permission to sell my half of the car. And that's that.

Hi. You the one with the car to sell, Oscar Madison?

Yeah, you Paige Livingston?

I'm pushover Paige. I buy cars.

Come here, I'll just... Here.

Hello. Here. Back.

There you go, Paige. Put your feet right up there.

Thank you.

Good. Okay, what's it worth?

It's worth $4 ,500.

Yeah? It's new, ain't it? Yeah, it's brand new. A week old.

That's a used car.

Oh, I'd better check my blue book. What do you mean? You've only got a few miles

on it from going around the block trying to find a place to park it.

As soon as the wheels touch down outside the showroom, it depreciates. It's like

a new bride.

She can be married ten minutes.

No more than you.

Yeah, but you don't understand. No one's even been in the back seat yet.

Meanness don't count.

As soon as the wheels touch... All right, with the depreciation, what's it

worth? Well, with the depreciation, $3 ,000.

Okay, that's not bad. No, no, that's the depreciation.

Uh, $2 ,000.

$2 ,000?

What are you doing? How are you supposed to be covering a wedding all afternoon?

Would you believe it?

Neither party showed up.

The bride and groom jilted each other.

Me and the caterer were left at the altar.

Want some chopped liver mold?

No, thank you.

Does this mean you're going to hang around all afternoon?

What a break for us. We can work on the new chart.

Listen, I've got a new philosophy.

Alternate weeks will move. Listen, I'm glad you're on top of things. I

appreciate it. Gee, I didn't expect you home and...

Got a girl in the kitchen.

She's not touching any of my things, is she?

No, I made a promise.

So could you, you know, disappear a little bit?

You're glad you've got a car now, aren't you? You know it, ain't you, buddy?

Take her for a ride in the country.

Or run out of gas.

You know everything, don't you?

Listen, no matter what happens, don't come out. Because she's hot stuff, okay?

I'll take the $2 ,000. No, let's... The dealer's preparation... The dealer. Me.

And then there's the broker's fee. What broker? Me. And then there's the resale

tax and... What about me?

Okay. You're a nice guy.

Now you're going to find out why they call me push over page.

For you, I'll throw the book away on this one.

$900.

Pick up the book. The book will be less.

$900. You have said you get the best price in town.

out of my shoulders, will you? What for?

Look,

I'm not that kind of a pushover.

What's going on here?

Welcome in the room, Felix.

I heard.

Heard what?

He told me you were his date.

Date? I'm nobody's date. Who are you?

Lady, I own half the car and it's not for sale. I love that car.

And it loves me.

If you find yourself a nice girl, you'll be a lot better.

Forza del destino.

I'll tell you something.

I've got a flaw in my character.

I'm a softie.

If I weren't this kind of guy, I'd move out of here now because of this.

But I forget.

That's the cut of my jib.

I'm signing my chart.

I'm making... I want you to stop beating up my charts. I'm sick of charts. I'm

sick of cars. I'm sick of parking. No arguments. We're getting rid of the car.

Not for $900, we're not. No, for the full retail value.

For whom?

The insurance company.

What are you talking about? Don't cut me off. Come on. Remember my childhood

friend, Mervin the Finger?

He's out?

Six months now. He told me about a guy who helps people like us.

Poor people like us. People who have a car they can't get rid of.

He sells them? He steals them.

Can you stop it now, please? I'm not going to let you get mixed up with the

underworld. What underworld?

This is not some sleazy hood.

This is a guy who does everything out in the open. He's a big businessman.

Hello, this is Goldilocks. Can I speak to Papa Bear?

I promised I was going to call him. I don't want him to get mad at me. He

be mad at you. To him, you're just another Goldilocks.

You know this isn't right.

Is it right what's been happening to me?

$200 for parking tickets, running out of gas in a Holland Tunnel, getting up at

the crack of dawn. The other day I stopped for something neat. They towed

the car.

Cost me $85 for a hot dog.

New York is making a thief out of me. You are not a thief. You're a basically

honest person. But if you do this, the Lord will never forgive you. If he owned

a car in New York, he would.

Oscar, come on. Oscar, I'm going to have the car stolen.

All right, I'm going to call the police. Don't do that. It'll make you squeal.

Is this Papa Bear? This is cold. Why are you whistling in my ear, boy?

You try to straighten yourself out.

I'll attempt to forget what I've just seen.

You're right.

This thing is driving me crazy.

Because you're a nice guy, I'll take your turn parking tomorrow.

Peters, it's not tomorrow. Don't you see what the car has done?

It's driven me to larceny, blasphemy. Now it's going to drive me to my grave.

Can't we get rid of it?

You mean it?

We got the car without earning it.

Power of fate.

La forza del destino.

Die Macht das Schicksal.

It was fate and an evil fate.

We'll sell it tomorrow, okay?

It's so ironic.

I love the car.

I thought of her as a metal goddess.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

increases.

It will never pass into nothing.

Oscar, look.

Come here.

I'm not insured against vandalism.

La forza del destino. Who mocks the ship, sir?

$20, $25, $28 a piece.

That's all pushover page would give us for a stripped car.

But I'm not complaining.

I'm glad to be a pedestrian again.

Fate.

I'll never forget the first time my folks let me take the car out by myself.

My high school graduation.

I tied a raccoon tail to the antenna.

I took Mildred Fleener to the prom.

pistachio sundaes.

And we parked in the moonlight.

She threw up all over the front seat.