Original subtitles

Yeah. Okay, sweetheart, don't worry about it. It's going to be fine.

Great. Okay. Bye -bye.

Dad.

Cold stuff.

Cold stuff.

Cold stuff.

Cold stuff. I get it. It's all set Friday night, 7 o 'clock on that table.

Good work on this desk.

What? You got a poker game up? Not a poker game. The poker game. You know,

got trouble getting the guys together. Friday night, Binnie, Murray, Speed, you

and me. And we can play all weekend.

That's marvelous. Listen, I know it's going to make a mess. I got arranged

a maid to come and clean on Sunday. Oh, that's wonderful. And I made her promise

she was going to leave the windows for you.

You're a hot sketch, you really are.

Listen, the refrigerator's flooded with food. Everything you say is funny. Can

we finish this food by Friday?

People laughing every... Listen.

Yeah. I've got news, Oscar.

I'm getting back together with my wife.

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

You and Gloria together.

Wow! I know I didn't give you much warning. Who needs warning? What a

combination. Hello, poker. Goodbye, Felix party.

I'll help you pack. Come on. Your suitcase is in my room. My suitcase is

room? I'll need a rag.

case is in your room. Well, I used it on my last trip to Chicago. When did I

lend it to you? Well, see, they won't let me check into hotels with my

Oh, no, look what he's doing. Oh, look at that.

Have tuna fish. We'll travel.

Botulism in my beautiful... You're not a traveler. You're going to need some of

these. Listen, Oscar, you're not listening to me.

I'm not leaving.

Don't toy with me while I have dangerous hangers in my hand.

You're not leaving? No.

Forget thanks.

You misunderstood what I said. I said I'm getting back with Glory. I didn't

I'm going back to Glory. How are you getting back with her if you're not

leaving? She's coming here.

Here, here?

Yeah. Now, here's the scoop.

Glory's house is being painted, and she and the kids have to get out of her

country. Oh, I need kids. No, no, no, not the kids. The kids are going to her

parents' house in the country. Look what a grouchy bear.

Come on, Oscar.

A couple of days together may be just what Gloria and I need to straighten out

our differences.

But what about the poker game where we're supposed to be a big reunion?

What about the poker game? This isn't going to affect our poker game. How can

you say that? Whoever's going to come here and it's not going to interfere

the poker game? What difference does it make? I swear to you, if I ruin the

poker game, I'll eat that tuna fish sandwich.

Come on, don't be grouchy there. Come on. Be a nice fair.

Come on.

That nice bear smile. Come on. Big smile.

That's it. That's my gentle bear.

This

is

so silly. It's not helping. Believe me, it's not. Pick up the flowers. Pick up

the flowers there. Where'd you get it? I saved it from the honeymoon car.

There. Aw.

Think she'll remember? Why, of course. Everybody remembers their honeymoon.

When's she coming? Soon.

What are those? Your wedding pictures? It's a honeymoon picture. A bunch of our

kids when they were babies.

You think this is too obvious?

No. When she comes in, why don't you smell some rice in her face?

Please, I don't envy you sleeping on this couch. I'll tell you that. Well,

I won't have to sleep on the couch, huh? Well, here. What's the matter?

Something in your eye? Well,

that old attraction is still there.

Welcome to the fight of the week.

I can see it now. In this corner, a man wearing shorts. In this corner, a woman

fully clothed.

No, mister, I never beg.

Why should we fight?

I'm not going to push it. You think I don't? I'll censor attitude and then

act accordingly. Yeah, but you've got to play it cool.

Where are the kids?

Oh, they couldn't come.

Oh, what a shame.

Boy, this is heavy.

Well, you know me. I always overpack. Yes, you always do. And I've told you

about it, sir. Cool, cat.

Cool. Better safety, sorry.

Yes.

Why don't I go and unpack? Remember this luggage? I got it for our honeymoon.

This honeymoon. Remember? Before we had these two beautiful children?

Look, look.

Oh, who got married?

We did, remember?

Two love -crazed kids.

I'd like you to stay in my room.

Oh, thank you, Felix.

That's so nice of you to sleep on the couch.

What did I tell you?

She's so crazy about you, you see?

That old attraction is still there. Yeah.

What are you staring at?

Just because she wouldn't kiss me when I came to the door?

That's corny. She doesn't do that.

Because she didn't remember the sign?

You mean because she said I should sleep on the couch?

Sex isn't everything.

No matter how it tastes.

Clever, clever, clever. There she is.

To one girl who always looks beautiful in the morning, no matter what.

today. Is there anything you'd like to do? Is something wrong with the toast,

Felix? No, no, it's fine now.

I thought we'd go to the museum. Would you like that?

Oh, a museum sounds nice.

Good, good.

Where are you going, Felix?

Eggs are a little runny. I'll tighten them up a bit.

Tighten yours up? No, mine are tight enough.

You put ketchup on her eggs? Do you realize what an insult that is?

Who are the kids? I haven't seen them in so long. Oh, the kids are just fine.

They're staying with my sister and her husband. Staying with your sister?

Ever going to your parents?

No. Your sister?

Uh, is something wrong, Felix?

No.

If you don't mind them all alone in that drafty house.

Boy, these eggs are good. They're yummy, yummy. Felix, are you saying that they

shouldn't be staying with my sister?

No, I'm sure you did what you thought was best.

I want no part of it. All you've done all morning is criticize and re -cook.

Oh, excuse me.

I thought I was just showing a normal interest in my children's welfare.

And in my breakfast.

All right, let's not argue. Who's arguing?

Mmm, mmm, good.

Tight as a drum.

Pierce, can I talk to you alone in the kitchen for a minute? Sure.

Honey, Oscar wants to talk to me in the kitchen.

Boy talk.

Just a minute, pumpkin.

Oscar loves your breakfast.

What do you mean, sell? You can't get past the pits. Look how she doesn't soak

the bowl. I've told her 10 ,000. Will you forget about the soaking bowl

feelings? You're right, Oscar. You're right.

It isn't fair of me to force this on you in your own home here. Look, here's

some money. Go to a hotel.

A single man alone in a hotel? The three of us don't belong here together.

I know you mean well, Oscar. You do, but you just... You can't help saying the

wrong thing, can you?

It's not what you're saying. It's what you don't say. What didn't I say?

I know personally that the reason I had to sleep on the couch last night was

because of you.

How'd you figure that out?

Well, you were here.

Gloria's the lady.

She was embarrassed.

Everything A -OK in there, Pumpkin?

All right, I'll call you at 9 or 7. I'll tell you where we are. No, no, no. I

can't play.

Well, I've got to say, work things out with Gloria.

I've got to find another poker player?

Thank you.

Gloria? Gloria, hold on to your hat.

Oscar's been called away on business.

Come clean the plate and see your picture.

I'm in.

I'm in. I see. What do you got? I got this.

This? He's got this. A full house. He's got this. Get in. I don't want to play.

Boy, let me keep it quiet.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Mr. Ogden. No, Unger, Unger. U -N -G -E -R, Unger. Remember that.

Yes.

All right. Okay, don't you ever lose.

This is the first time I ever play. Where'd you find this guy?

Roger's my new partner.

They like to put the rookie cops with an experienced man.

I'm teaching him everything I know.

Why don't you teach him everything you know about poker?

Listen,

how much are the sandwiches?

Help yourself, Cincinnati kid.

Osbert, he's from Oregon.

You should have charged him. That's the only way we're going to get even. Deal,

Murray. Deal, deal.

Five -card draw.

What beats what? There's a bag.

There's two bags. There's three of a kind. There's a spade. There's a flush.

There's more. That's it. I got a straight and a flush.

You got a straight and a flush?

You got a straight flush. What is it? What is it? Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here.

What happened?

Gloria threw me out.

She tried for a comeback with dinner.

I could have been here sooner, fellas, but I thought, why should I impose all

this misery on my friends?

And I thought, why not?

Gee, this is just like the last time.

I feel like I'm watching a rerun. I don't get it. What is he talking about?

first time Felix's wife threw him out, we were playing cards.

All things are as...

before. You're not going to do anything rash, are you?

Good. Okay, let's get the game started. Who's deal? It's your deal. I'll take

five cards on Jack Stoker. You know something, Oscar?

This has taught me a lesson.

I'm glad it happened.

Good.

You may never have noticed, Oscar, but I used to sing the blues for Gloria.

I noticed, I noticed.

Time to get even here.

What do you do, Vinnie? I'm out.

I'm out.

I'll go for a ride.

I'm going to call her.

I'm going to call her.

It's the dawning of a new day.

Thank you, Oscar.

Thank you.

I'm shy $14.

I'm shy $14.

I see your bet, and I raise your bet.

Hey, there's...

Ten, and I'll raise you another five.

What's your $15?

I'm shy $15.

Here's your bet, and I raise you $10 more. Is he?

Okay, there it is.

And another six. What's your $16?

I'm shy $16.

You're not mine.

I'll give you six.

I'm smearing my back, dick.

Get out of here.

I'm going to stick to your hand. See what happens, man?

I'll give you six, and I raise you five. What's your $5?

What's your $5? That man is crying. I know. I caught you $5 to see the bet.

It's hard to bet when he's crying. He always cries. What are you going to do?

You're going to see the fly? What are you going to do? Here's $5. Okay, there

you go. What do you got? I got one of this.

Will you stop fighting?

My marriage is breaking up. Your marriage broke up years ago.

After I can't take it anymore, let's forget the game. I'm not going to forget

the game. It took me too long to get this game started. We're going to move

Where? Wherever we go, he follows us.

He's my partner.

That's right. Right, Felix, you're right, baby. Here, get comfortable.

Yeah, that's just exactly what you did. Here, you'll get yourself a little

something to drink. That'd be nice. Here,

here's something to read.

There's nobody... There's nobody named Glory in it. It's perfect. You'll be

comfortable. You're leaving me here alone?

It's the best thing. Give you a chance to think things over.

You really think so?

I know so. Now go to sleep. Close your eyes. Go ahead and enjoy. Enjoy.

Okay, fellas, let's go.

Okay, let's stop here.

Oscar, that blanket belongs to the hotel.

Send them to Murray.

Murray, Murray, they're stealing the blanket.

Ah, don't worry, kid.

You can't always go by the book.

I'm sorry,

I forgot what it takes to open.

Jack's the better. Jack's the better. Oh, I think I can open.

I think I can see.

Go on.

Close your butt.

Red, red, red.

Close your butt. Let's go. How many?

How many do you got? One.

I'll take one.

Good decision. How many?

Three. How many?

All right, I have to take any?

I think I got a royal house.

Royal house. Royal house. It's time.

For what? Time for Roger to go home.

What happened?

He's got early... He's got a duty tomorrow, and he's got to get his eight

sleep. It says so in the police rookie manual.

Well, you're going to be in. You're not going to get eight hours sleep.

Oh, I sleep in the patrol car.

The kid's got to drive.

With the money he won tonight, he could hire a chauffeur.

Well, it sure was nice meeting all you guys.

I hope we can do this again real soon.

Good night, partner.

Ten -four, Murray.

Ten -four.

I'm taking him under my wing.

I should take them under your nose.

Let's play pop -carts, Doug.

Four -handed, Oscar? Nobody plays four -handed poker. Nah, four -handed's like

Old Maid or Goldfish. All right, listen, I'll deal myself two hands. Oscar, this

game is a curse. Forget it. No, I'm not going to forget it. It took me too long

to get this game together. I'm going to get me a fifth.

Gloria, you want to play poker? It's a hot seat. Oh, I don't know how to play

poker. Well, it's a cheat.

Oh, no.

Why don't you call Felix?

Hello, Oscar.

I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

Poker?

Why, yes, I'd love to.

Good, I'll be right over.

at the hotel.

You know what happened? He probably fell asleep there. I'm going to get him.

What are you doing out here?

Couldn't find my key. What key?

Come on in. Here he is, fellas.

Here's the card.

Let's go.

Oh,

Gloria. You planning a little trip?

Yes. Andrea's picking me up. Oh, that's nice.

Andrea's very nice.

Had some bad breaks, but she's very nice.

Felix, I'm sorry. I think it's better this way. That's all right.

I'm not upset.

to play poker with my friends.

Okay, five card board jacks. I bet I owe any ante for you.

Right.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Felix. Hi, Felix.

Hey, Felix, can you open?

Well, let's see.

Isn't that interesting?

What?

Jacks have long hair.

Yeah. It's one thing you can't say about the tens.

The queen of hearts, she baked some tarts.

Can you open?

Right.

Where's your blue check? I'm in.

I'm in.

How many cards?

I have five.

We all do.

How many cards do you want?

Uh, two.

That leaves three.

Discard the two, please.

Two, then two for the dealer.

Here we go. Okay, Felix, what do you do?

Hmm? What do you do?

Ah.

Cost you $28.

I'm out.

Out. I'm out.

Let's see.

What do you got?

Three queens.

Yes, you don't have three queens.

I got some balloons in the car. Want me to go down and get them?

As Winston Churchill said, never has one man done so little for so many.

I wanted to see me like this.

She must hate me. She doesn't hate you, Felix.

My hair feels funny. You shouldn't try to patch up your marriage in two days.

I really blew it, didn't I?

Sure did. It could have been a great poker game.

Oh, your poker game.

I promised I wouldn't ruin it, didn't I? You promised something else, remember?

What? This.