All language subtitles for the_odd_couple_s03e06

Good morning, Felix. Refill.

What's Oscar Joyce sleeping on the
couch?

He was up all night working on a book.

What's he reading?

He's writing a book.

A whole book?

Yeah.

Mark my words, Murray.

There is greatness in that man.

You really think so, Felix?

If I didn't think so, would I have let
him have the apartment to himself all

last night?

Why? So he can write.

I honk in my sleep, you see.

So I spent the whole night in the taxi
cab riding around town.

What's Oscar's book about?

Sports, of course.

It examines the question of the killer
instinct in champions.

Why does one man, with all the natural
ability in the world, why is he a mild,

passive man?

While another man, with only the same
ability, has that...

savage desire to smash, to kill, to
fight, to destroy.

What makes that killer instinct?

I was born with it.

I don't mind telling you he's being very
well paid for his endeavors.

They gave him an advance of $1 ,000.

like a light.

Sleeping like a log. Really sawing wood.

With his shoes on.

Look, he's hugging his potato chips.

That's not security, Blake.

I wonder how much it worth. Should I
take a peek? No, no, no. I promised him

wouldn't look. You didn't look. Are you
okay?

It's not nice. Relax. I'm a policeman.
We're trained to peek.

Knockout by Oscar Madison.

Go ahead.

That's it. That's all. Where's the rest?

There's no rest.

Knockout by Oscar Madison?

On

November

13th, Felix Unger was asked to remove
himself from his place of residence.

That request came from his wife.

Deep down, he knew she was right, but he
also knew that someday he would return

to her.

With nowhere else to go, he appeared at
the home of his friend, Oscar Madison.

Several years earlier, Madison's wife
had thrown him out, requesting that he

never return.

Can two divorced men share an apartment
without driving each other crazy?

This is all you wrote?

What's Murray doing in my bedroom? Was I
mugged?

This is all you wrote?

I gotta run.

This is all you wrote?

I like your book so far, Oscar.

This is all you wrote?

Not allowed. I was up late.

Up late. This is all you wrote? A title?

Title is very important.

Would you go see a play called Romeo and
Gladys?

I tried, Felix, I tried. Look at that,
212 pages. That's all I wrote. You

couldn't show me in the basket?

No, I don't want to talk about it
anymore. We won't talk about it anymore.

What about your book? It's due today.

You cut it out?

Oh, who's upset about it as you are?

I just don't have a book in me, that's
all.

I had such faith.

That of my mother.

All my hopes, all my expectations, all
my sacrifices.

What sacrifices?

I spent the entire night in a taxi cab
with a driver named Nunzio Abruzzi

telling me about how Vic Damone sang at
his daughter's wedding.

Thanks, but I don't want to talk about
it.

That's his orange juice beer. I don't
have to worry about pitch.

See, if I make you feel any better, I am
ashamed.

Just don't have it in me, that's all.

Maybe they didn't give you enough time.

Who could write a book in the short
amount of time they give you? Felix, I

couldn't write the book if they gave me
from here to eternity.

Maybe if they gave you an extension on
your deadline.

No, what I need is 50 ,000 words.

Preferably extensions.

No, no sugar.

Of all the words of tongue or pen,

The saddest are these.

It might have been.

Is there anything left to say?

Yeah. Could you lend me a thousand
dollars?

You already owe me over $1 ,300, not
mentioning the cab fare last night and

Nuncio's tip.

What do you need it for?

Well, you know the $1 ,000 advance that
Harriet Thompson gave me for the books?

Oh, no, you didn't. Oh, you didn't? What
did you spend it on?

Poker? Girls?

Potato chips?

Try slow horses.

Oh, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar. Oh, stop with
the Oscar. If you're not going to lend

the money, I've got to go visit Benny.

Benny the loan shark?

Yeah. Charges 184 % interest. Only to
his friends.

Felix, I took the money. I can't write
the book. I've got to pay it back.

I don't like to see my friends fail.

Peter, everybody fails.

Caesar failed. Napoleon failed.
Alexander the Great failed.

They weren't my friends.

Hello,

Mr. Thompson.

This is Dr.

Abruzzi from the Institute.

Yeah. Well, I understand that my
patient, Oscar Madison, is to deliver a

manuscript to you today. Is that
correct? Yes or no?

Yeah.

Three days would be sufficient.

Wunderbar. I thank you. Mr. Madison
thanks you.

Also the Institute thanks you.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Oscar!

Oscar!

You're on my bed, Felix.

Listen, you don't have to go see Benny
the loan shark. You gonna lend me the

money? No.

I called your editor and I got an
extension on your deadline.

I used the Viennese accent.

I told him you were sick.

You lied to my editor in Viennese? Yeah,
I said it was a terrible overwork on

you.

You're gonna thank me? Thank you for
what?

Pain?

Penis, why don't you listen? I can't
write it.

That's not the Oscar Madison I know.

My Oscar Madison doesn't know the
meaning of the word can't.

What are you talking about?

Can't is my favorite word. I use it all
the time. I can't write the book. I

can't pay back the money. I can't win on
the horses. When I die on my tombstone,

it's going to say, here lies Oscar
Madison.

Couldn't.

Come here. Look at yourself in the
mirror.

If you can find the mirror.

Look.

Now look at that man and tell him that
he's not a quitter.

Won't help. He knows I'm a liar.

Keep looking.

The mirror's a liar, too.

You dream.

I've never seen you like this.

So low.

Defeated. Weren't you at my wedding?

I thought you loved writing.

Felix, no writer loves writing.

Darlene Parker said it best for all
writers. She said, I hate writing, but

having written. I haven't written.

But look, you've got three more days,
Oscar.

Gratis. What have you got to lose?

And you've got something you never had
before. What's that?

Me.

I'll be by your side.

I'll work with you. I'll nurse you. I'll
baby you. I'll light your cigars. I'll

change your typewriter ribbons. If you
fail, I fail.

What do you think? Here are your potato
chips. Go to work.

This is a lot of hard work. What's in it
for you?

Nothing.

All I want is the satisfaction of having
helped a human being.

Okay, if you feel that way, I'll try it.
I knew you would. I will. And if you

feel like it, you can dedicate the book
to me. Oh, come on.

trying to think about things like this.
Of course, I wouldn't want you to spend

a second thinking about that. That's why
I wrote a little something here.

It's simple. I think you'll like it.

To my pal Felix Unger, without whose
constant encouragement and unrelenting

sacrifice this work would not have been
possible.

There's more.

Listen.

Felix Unger, a bon vivant, whose
brilliant wit was a constant source of

inspiration during the long hours of
indecisiveness and uncertainty, and who

made this book a reality.

Felix Unger, a pal whose very being
embodies the meaning of the word pal,

buddy, friend, helper. Felix, the
dedication isn't supposed to be longer

the book.

Let's get to work.

Your whispering is an interruption.

I'm sorry.

Phone ringing all the time. What are you
talking... I picked the phone out of

the wall over an hour ago.

It must be the dripping.

What dripping? My sinuses?

No, the faucet.

In the kitchen. Drip, drip, drippity,
grabbing me nuts. There is no faucet

dripping in my kitchen. And somebody in
this apartment house has a dripping

faucet. Oscar, this house has sand
-proof walls.

Felix, somebody down in the city of New
York has a dripping faucet because I can

hear it. This is madness.

This is madness. That's madness. Unless
you walk around, your shoes squeak.

And your feet squeak.

Felix, listen. When I work, the smallest
noise just irritates me. You won't

believe it. If a guy dropped a pin ten
miles from here, I would hear it. I

help it. When I'm working, my hearing is
acute. It's like radar.

What are you laughing about? I heard the
door. Go answer it. I'm not going to

let anybody in. Now get back to work.

I'm sorry.

Oscar's hard at work. He's working on
the book and it's really coming along.

He's really rolling this time. Who are
you talking to?

Oh, hi, Murray.

If you want a secluded place to work,
he's got a cabin up in the woods.

Just what I need, a cabin surrounded by
a hundred other cabins. No, nothing for

ten miles around.

He says there's nothing for ten miles
around. It was used as a hideout by John

Dillinger. No, I don't do this. Oh, that
could be great. A change of atmosphere,

quiet, the perfect place to work on. No,
but Dillinger, it sounds dangerous.

He says there's no danger. He thinks the
police arrested Dillinger.

This could be just perfect for you.

Think it over. A change of atmosphere,
the quiet, no phones, no traffic. I'm

doing so badly.

Wait,

Murray.

I'm sorry. After the place is a mess.
It's all great. I appreciate all your

trouble. Get back in the car. Go to the
city. I'll see you soon. All right,

don't forget. I'll be here in three days
to pick you up. Now, listen.

There's the bike. If you need supplies
from the store, take the path seven

down, okay? All right, bye. Bye -bye,
Murray.

Hey, look.

Blue tires.

Aren't you going for the tissue on the
seat?

In school, they used to call me Wheel
Thunder.

Yeah, wheel your stuff out of here. I
was really good.

Once you know how to ride a bike, it's
something you never forget.

I went right off the porch, but I didn't
hurt myself.

You're really got to work now, aren't
you? Oh, I can see that gleam in your

You've got to go. Get up, Felix. I'm on
my way. I'll tell you what.

I'll get some firewood.

We'll build a great roaring fire. We'll
roast marshmallows. I'm going to roast

your toes. I'm on my way.

It's so beautiful here.

This is the forest primeval.

The murmuring pines and the hemlock.

Oscar!

Oscar!

Where's the first aid kit?

Listen, I was just outside.

I was just enjoying nature. That's all I
was doing. I saw this pretty little

chipmunk. He was just a baby. I said,
come here, little chipmunk.

That's the way you talk to him? Yeah.

And I offered him an acorn, and he bit
me.

I would have bitten you, too. What's
that? Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. What

are you doing?

What are you doing?

You made the beds you unpacked? What is
this? No, you were right. The place was

filthy. So is your room at home. You
don't clean that.

Yeah, but I don't share my room with
anybody. I want to do my first share.

Oscar, what are you doing? You're just
avoiding right... This is all you've

in two hours? What is the killer
instinct?

I'm looking for the answer.

Now, time for...

You're procrastinating. Yeah, you're
right. You pick your thing. I'm going to

work. I really am going to get it this
time.

What's the whistle? How can I work if
you're going to whistle?

Come here and help me.

You want me to scrub up with you? No,
listen.

I want to talk to you seriously.

I've been thinking about your problem.

Yeah? Do you know what you have?

What? You have what they call writer's
block.

No. No kidding.

Yeah. All the greatest writers of
history have had writer's block.

Yeah, cut right there. No kidding.

But they've all had a trick, a way to
break the block.

George Sand used to sing polkas. Did you
know that? No, I didn't know that.

Guy de Maupassant fantasied about
beautiful girls.

In what way?

In every possible way.

It freed his imagination.

F. Scott Fitzgerald tapped at it.

Did any of these guys eat to break their
writing block?

All right. I'm starved. I'm on my way.
I'm on my way. Watch me. I'm leaving.

I'm going to take the bike. I'm going to
the store. I'm going to get supplies.

It'll take me all afternoon. Now, you
have no more experience. 30 pages. Get

work. 30 pages. Believe me, 30 pages.
Roll

out the barrel.

We'll have a barrel of fun.

Roll out the barrel. And I got a barrel
of nothing in mine.

I'll never get any work done this way.

account. You look like you're in bad
shape. My condition doesn't count,

The book is the only thing.

Oh, Oscar, I'm a broken man. Oh, lie
down, lie down. I'll go down to the

and I'll get some help. There's no one
at the store. I was just there. The

is closed.

Closed? Since when?

Since they captured Dillinger. He was
their only customer.

Tell me what happened, will you?

I swerved to miss a rabbit and I hit a
tree.

because of a rabbit? It could have been
an endangered species.

A rabbit, an endangered species?

Don't argue with me at a time like this.
Sorry, sorry.

That's not the worst of it.

Look at this thumb.

While I lay there against the tree, the
rabbit came up to me, so I reached out

to pet him and he snapped at me.

Into the chipmunk told him you were
delicious.

Oh, again with the brave whistling. I'm
hungry, Felix. Get back to your

typewriter. I'll fix this in no time.

I've got hunger toughness in me. I'm
going to fix you a dinner. Good. Here.

do you got? I thought the store was
closed.

Oh, I've got a pocket full of acorns.

And the woods. The woods are full of
nuts and berries.

What's nuts and berries? I can't live on
that. I need meat. Are you kidding?

The local Indians subsisted on nuts and
berries.

That's why we haven't seen any local
Indians.

You chipmunk and you rabbit could have
meat so cut off. What is that nuts and

berries?

That's a boom, boom, boom for beep,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Where'd you find that?

I found it there earlier while I was
procrastinating.

Oscar, we're not hunters.

Speak for yourself, John. I need meat.
No, no, I can't let you do this. Hunting

is wrong.

So is eating shrubbery.

Let go.

Oscar, no.

I can't allow this. Oscar, please.

Now I got a splinter from the wall.

idly by while you slaughter defenseless
animals, Oscar. Get out of here. They're

all going to want ice cream.

of a ruthless killer.

Coming back.

I'm not a killer.

Well, I'm proud of you.

I'm a coward.

No, you're not. You're the bravest of
the brave.

I'm so brave, how come there aren't a
lot of dead geese around?

Because it takes much more courage not
to kill than to kill.

Yeah?

Compassion is the most difficult thing
for the human heart to learn. Killing is

easy.

Felix, that's it. Of course that's it.
No, I mean about the novel. That's why I

haven't been able to write it.

I've been trying to write it from the
killer's point of view, but I don't have

the killer's instinct.

But if I do it from the other side,
nobody's ever done that before. It's

been that small. I can write it now.

Oh, great.

Oh, great.

Well, hello, little frog.

Hey, I'll show him before it comes out
in paper bags. Thanks a lot.

Well, I think we got everything.

Yeah. Where's Felix?

Saying goodbye to his furry feathered
friends.

Oh, I'll bet he really had a ball up
here. Hey, not really.

Why? What's the matter? Well, he found
out it's not nice to fool with Mother

Nature.

Hey, I'll take the bags. Hey, Mary, I
saw your car.

I've taken the bags to the car.

Oh, I finished it. Boy, am I proud of
you. I can't tell you how much I

appreciate all the things you did.

dedication? Of course I did. I got it
right here.

This book is dedicated to one of
nature's noblest men, who helped me when

I needed him most, my friend Murray the
cop.

Dedicated the book to Murray?

Oh, Oscar,

how could you do a thing like that? Oh,
I was only kidding.

This book is humbly dedicated to my
dearest friend, Felix Unger, who had

faith in me than I had in myself.

You know, I think you might have added
one more thing.

The man who taught me not only faith,
but courage.

A man who went savagely attacked in an
unprovoked and ungrateful way by a wild

animal. A wild animal? Never complained.

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a
lot