Original subtitles

We have a kind of a treat for us this afternoon. We're going to have an

audition to find a star for our first operatic production, Highlights from

Rigoletto.

So we have for our appraisal a real plum from the tree of opera, a man with a

growing international reputation, a man who's appeared with opera groups in

Dayton, in Poughkeepsie.

in Flint, and now New York.

Senor Murphy.

Thank you. Thank you.

Bringing opera to the world is my mission in life.

Let's hear it for his mission.

And I'm glad to be among people of culture and refinement and sensitivity.

Here, you can use our platform here as your balcony.

Yes, we did that in Flint.

Nice job.

On November 13th, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of

residence.

That request came from his wife.

Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that someday he would return

to her.

With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison.

Several years earlier, Madison's wife had thrown him out, requesting that he

never return.

Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

What are you doing home?

I live here, remember?

This is my opera day, remember?

I forgot, Felix. I'm sorry. I've told you a thousand times. You never listen

me. This is Oscar Madison, ladies and gentlemen. I'm awfully sorry. Just keep

doing what you're doing. I'm just going to get a beer and a shower. You'll never

know I'm here. Love you,

flowers.

Does he want to hear me sing? Of course he does. Please, please, don't be

offended. Just excuse. We'll have a little impromptu intermission. I'll be

back.

Do you know that you are very rude?

Why, I thanked him for the flowers.

He doesn't think you like his singing.

I don't, I hate him.

Come on in and listen to him sing.

Why?

Because he's the best rigoletto we can get for $300.

I don't want to offend him and I don't want to lose him. Felix, I'll laugh.

a very funny guy. I had to bite my tongue when he handed me the corsair.

You owe him an apology. Don't do this for me, please.

All right, Phil's not going to laugh, I'm afraid.

Well, here we are, here we are, here we are. And he's dying to hear you sing.

Oh, this is going to be a treat for you.

No, I meant to say... Come,

we will begin again.

Start from the top, Maestro.

Put in for months and months. I'm sorry, Peter. I admit it was my fault. I'll

fix it up for you. How?

Get you another opera star.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Now, I'm laughing.

I'm sure there are many great voices in your circle.

Who do you get me? The baritone bookie?

Oh, a first baseman. Oh, come on.

No, we got a first baseman who's a great singer. A marvelous singer. Yeah?

What's his name?

Dick Frederick.

Dick Frederick.

Some nerd to take the name of an...

What's his real name?

That's his real name, Richard Fredericks. He is the opera star.

You play ball with Richard Fredericks from the New York City Opera Company?

Well, I just told him. Why didn't you ever tell me this before?

I tried to tell you once. You told me not to talk with my mouth full. Well, I

wasn't interested before.

Can you get him? I mean, would he be interested?

Is he available? I mean, we're only a little amateur group. We only pay $300.

You owe this to me, Oscar. You owe it to me. You really do. Come on, Felix. I

can't tell you anything until I talk to him, right? If you get me Richard

Fredericks, I'd be so indebted. I'd never be able... How could I pay you

Move out?

Come on. Felix, you've been upset all morning.

I'm sorry. I can't help it. I have personal... I have artistic problems.

come on, break, girls. Come on, come on. Now, a little bit. That's it. Felix

Anger? Yes. I'd like you to meet my first best man, Richard Fredericks. Oh,

Mark.

Oh, no. Oh, Richard.

Oh, Mr.

Fredericks. I'm just overwhelmed.

I don't know what to say. It's such a privilege.

The same for me, Felix. Then why don't you just call me Dick? Oh, Dick.

Dick Fredericks. Oh, my. Girls, this is Dick Fredericks, the famous singer.

A real recording artist?

Do you know Tom Jones?

I'm sorry. We've never met.

My name is Oscar. I know a lot of TV personalities. Yes, he knows a retired

sailor who can imitate Wayne Newton.

Well, did you tell him? Can he do it? He has and I can't. Oh, Mr.

Fredericks. I just, oh, I just, oh.

Mr. Frederick. Richard.

Dick. Mr.

Dick.

For a million dollar throne.

I don't suppose you'd favor us with one teeny selection, would you? Oh, no, no,

no, no, no. Come on, we're going to be late for batting practice.

Relax, Oscar, relax. I wouldn't be in this business if I didn't have a little

bit of ham in it. Oh, good, good. Now, Felix, listen to this. Do you know the,

uh, Di Provenza?

Di Provenza in Manusol, che dal corte contro. That's, uh,

that's a very nice voice.

Felix, came in on the piano.

Was I being gauche?

No, no, no. Hurry up, will you? Come on. Oh, look, uh, I'll just, uh, sing the

second verse, okay?

All right, fine.

Whenever you're ready, maestro.

HE SINGS IN

ITALIAN

SINGING IN

ITALIAN

Magnificent, Regaletto, but he'll be such an inspiration to all the rest of

Yeah. Oscar Madison just came home.

Call all the other members of the group. Tell them the good news. We're going to

make amateur opera history.

Oh, Oscar.

Oscar. What a day. How'd it go? Oh, we won the game. Oh, good, good. I want you

to sit down and relax. How can I relax when I'm going to work with Richard

Frederick? I'm so excited. I think it was my fault. What?

What?

Come on in, will you, Dick? I can't prepare.

Oh, no.

You broke my rigoletto.

What?

What happened?

There was a pop -up between home and... A pop -up? I lost rigoletto to a pop

-up? We both went for it and we bumped into each other. That was my ball. I

called for it. No, I didn't hear you. You didn't hear him?

You didn't hear this man say...

I just

wanted

to tell you that it's not as bad as you think.

You mean, you can still do Rigoletto?

Well, not exactly.

but I know what we can do.

You can sing it?

Well, that's what I can do. You see, I can still sing the role sitting on the

side. All we need now is somebody to act the part. That's the answer, Richard, a

genius or am I crazy?

Both.

I heard a story, a famous story of a singer. He sang an entire performance of

opera from the pit while on stage the baritone who'd lost his voice, his

mouthed the words, moved his lip. And that was me, Felix.

That was you. That was you.

But who'll act the role on the stage?

Is your friend still available? Oh, that's a little pushy, Felix. Oh, I'm

he's not available, but another friend of mine is.

Who? Tell me.

Oscar.

Now, wait a minute, Oscar. You owe me, because you've never come to a single

of my performances, but with you there, you'll have to listen to me sing.

How about it, Felix? Well, how about it, Felix? How about Oscar? He's available.

Maybe I can rehearse him constantly. You bananas.

You know you've both been having to use your costume. Of course.

Now, no, Oscar. Arguments, Oscar.

Now, if you have any idea about backing out, just remember one thing. If you go,

I go.

What do I know about opera? The only opera I ever saw had the Marx Brothers

it.

And I'm so clumsy, I bumped into you. And I don't want to be falling off the

stage all the time. Say something, Felix.

Sit down.

A rigoletto is a hunchback dwarf who works as a court jester.

You wouldn't think a guy like that would go into show business.

Richard, don't.

Don't encourage him. Don't. Now, listen to me. Now, an old man has put a curse

on Rigoletto, a father's curse, because Rigoletto mocked him when his daughter

was seduced. And Rigoletto has a daughter of his own, Gila, that nobody

about.

I'm sorry, it's Spania.

See, Spania is Spain.

Yes, yes. But this is a knife. Ah, Spania, knife. Yes, thank you. I learned

something. Yes, very good.

What are you doing?

Rigoletto doesn't smoke a cigar.

But do dwarves do for kicks?

Why did the old man curse me?

Why did the old man curse you?

I've told you 85 times because you mocked him when his daughter was

You've got to be worried.

That's right.

We want to see that superstitious terror of the curse. The father's curse is on

you. Yes, once again.

listen to a tape recorder during your sleep.

I'm going to leave it right here.

Don't make a mess.

This won't bother you. It's subliminal. This is sleep teaching. It's been proved

scientifically with rats.

Well, come on in a minute.

Good night, Rigoletto.

induction center.

Try to walk in it. This is perfection for your part. Now, come on, come on,

place this. Come on, come on. I'm never going to forgive you for this. And I'm

never going to forgive you for that. I'm here. I said it.

I'm coming, master. Do not worry. I will see you when the boat is towing.

Don't stop.

I'll lose my mind. Please, my friend. What highlight is this?

This is the scene where you carry Jill in your arms. Come on, come on.

Oh, I'm testing your weight, because it's the first time I'm actually getting

your place.

Please, please now. Are you ready, Star? I'm a hunchback. I'm not a

weightlifter.

You ready, Richard?

All set, maestro. Ready? Ah, maestro.

Ready, Mario?

All right, now.

What? Hunch. Oh, yes.

You're not thinking of the words you're saying.

Here he is.

Dead. You think you've got the duke, your worst enemy in your arms. You don't

know. It's your own daughter.

I wish I had a skinnier daughter.

Three bars after.

Oh, are we saying ma che importa?

Yes. Ma che importa. Two words, right?

Oh, yes, but you see, it's a line of work. You see, a K and E were on a 16th

note.

I'm sure you do.

I'm the director here. I want Gilda to be cradled in Rigoletto's arms.

Well, you better give me a forklift.

I'm not lifting her without any assistance.

Now, Felix, be reasonable. Now, we've all been working pretty hard and

complained. I didn't even mind all that correction business here, but now you're

being just a little bit pig -headed.

Oh, pig -headed?

Yeah, let me deal.

I am the director here, not Mr. Fredericks. I say you lift. Uh -huh.

the voice of Rigoletto and I say I'm leaving.

Look, I, uh...

I just came here to do Oscar a favor. There's nothing that says that I have to

put up with a dingbat director.

Dingbat?

Dingbat? Is that the way you talk to your directors at the New York City

Company? This is not the New York City Opera Company, Felix.

My apologies to the company, but I've had it.

Dingbat.

Come on, Felix, go after him.

Apologize something.

The director is the boss.

Otherwise, you have nothing but anarchy.

All right. Opening night, you won't have anarchy, but you'll be all alone in the

theater.

Come on, admit it. You did let your ego get in the way of your good sense.

Don't contradict the director in the presence of the entire company.

What entire company? Four people in a fat sack.

Sorry.

You've taken me aside.

Talked it over.

Overconfidentially, we could have reached some sort of settlement. How

do that? He's got a broken leg. He's doing it for no money, and then you

on him.

You're right.

I apologize.

I'll kiss his foot. I'll kiss his throat.

Mr. Frederick. Don't say anything. I apologize.

You? Oh, no, no. I... No, no.

I'm sorry.

You're right. You are the director, and my conduct was unprofessional.

Now that I have that off my chest, why don't we get busy?

Maestro, whenever you're ready.

You see?

There's a star.

There's a lesson to us all.

The bigger they are, the bigger they are.

Now, I have an idea.

Sparrow Fucili will lay the body down on the ground.

Rigoletto will kneel there and cradle just their heads. Kiss your toes. I kiss

your nose.

Punch. Yes.

Three bars after one and all day.

Come on in here.

Just one more aria for us. Yeah, sure.

Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No more arias now. I want you to sing something

in English. Sing one of my favorites, all right? All right.

He doesn't know Pistol Pack and Mama.

That's not one of his favorites. That's right. I happen to have a little class.

If ever I would leave you.

Key of C, if you would, Maestro.

Take the beer off the piano.

In summer, I never would go.

Your hair streaked with sunlight.

Your lips red as flame.

Your face with a laughter that puts gold to

shame.