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1
00:00:11,049 --> 00:00:14,650
Eighteen minutes from Kennedy
International Airport to here. Wow, I
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00:00:14,650 --> 00:00:15,449
you enough, Murray.
3
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:17,210
I think my next car's going to be a
police car.
4
00:00:18,490 --> 00:00:20,250
Only waiting for a tip you can put down
the back.
5
00:00:20,630 --> 00:00:23,050
I want to hear more about that girl you
met at the airport, you know?
6
00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:26,370
I'll tell you. And I didn't meet her at
the airport. I met her on an airplane.
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00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:33,370
They were showing a G -rated film, but
the stewardess was strictly definite X.
8
00:00:34,530 --> 00:00:35,530
Want a beer?
9
00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:36,880
Well, I'm on duty, uh -uh.
10
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,200
So you got a date with this ex -rented
stewardess or what?
11
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:41,619
What do you mean, or what?
12
00:00:41,620 --> 00:00:42,559
She loves me.
13
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,480
All right. At least she likes me well
enough to go out with me. Tonight after
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00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:46,540
tonight, she'll be crazy about me.
15
00:00:47,460 --> 00:00:48,860
You want to know what the best part is?
16
00:00:49,820 --> 00:00:53,600
Oscar, I'm 38 years old. Of course I
know what the best part is.
17
00:00:54,460 --> 00:00:55,900
Tell me about my life.
18
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,120
This is the first weekend I've had off
in months.
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00:00:58,380 --> 00:00:59,620
And you know the really best part?
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00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,500
Felix is in Washington for the whole
weekend.
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00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:03,700
What's he doing? Cleaning up the mess
down there?
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00:01:05,519 --> 00:01:09,980
He's doing a magazine layout for Monday.
Hey, and you got a date with an airline
23
00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:10,980
student?
24
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:13,920
Now do you read me? Like a Danish
magazine.
25
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:16,440
18 minutes. Thanks again, Maurice.
26
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:18,960
Forget it. Hey, listen.
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00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:20,460
Have a fun weekend.
28
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:21,780
Don't worry, I will.
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What a way to run an airline.
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00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:51,030
supposed to be in Washington.
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I know.
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00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:55,370
I got sick over Baltimore.
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I took the next flight back.
34
00:02:00,170 --> 00:02:01,730
Felix, don't tell me.
35
00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:03,910
That's one of those 48 -hour things.
36
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:05,570
48 hours?
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00:02:05,890 --> 00:02:06,950
That's a whole week!
38
00:03:25,390 --> 00:03:29,090
Okay, now, the shopping's been done. The
beds have been changed. Your medicine
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00:03:29,090 --> 00:03:33,090
is being delivered. Here's your water.
The phone has been connected. Here are
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00:03:33,090 --> 00:03:34,049
the cards.
41
00:03:34,050 --> 00:03:36,090
Here are the books. Here are the
magazines.
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00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:37,750
Everything is here.
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00:03:38,190 --> 00:03:42,450
You're welcome. I hope you're feeling
better. But don't wait up for me or down
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00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:44,910
for me or whatever one does when one's
waiting flat on their back.
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00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:49,830
Oscar, you're not going out and leaving
me in my condition.
46
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,590
I'm thinking about my condition.
47
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I think I'm running a temperature.
48
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,200
Ah, me too, Felix, me too.
49
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,100
Maybe you have the flu too.
50
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:02,720
No, what I have, Felix, is a terrible
desire to touch a lady.
51
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,020
And hopefully Barbara has a cure for
that.
52
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:09,540
Pardon? Barbara Phipps, the stewardess,
remember?
53
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,260
Ah, yes. Take it easy, Felix.
54
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:13,860
Oscar. Now what?
55
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,079
I can't read this thing.
56
00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:18,920
See if you can read it for me, please.
57
00:04:25,900 --> 00:04:26,879
Hey, you are warm.
58
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,840
Why? What do we got? 102?
59
00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:30,420
103?
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00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:34,820
It's not 104, is it? 104 is fatal. It's
not that, is it? It's only fatal for me.
61
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,140
He did it to me, huh?
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00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:42,120
Well, what's the matter? What do you
mean, what's the matter? I can't go out
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00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,700
leave you alone with a temperature like
this.
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00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:45,700
What about Barbara?
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00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,040
Felix, don't play devil's advocate.
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00:04:51,310 --> 00:04:52,650
Why don't you bring Barbara here?
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00:04:52,910 --> 00:04:55,550
Hey, that's a great kind of day. Why
don't you come over and take my friend's
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00:04:55,550 --> 00:04:57,730
temperature? She'll never know I'm here.
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00:04:59,110 --> 00:05:03,270
Felix, if I did that, would you really
be quiet?
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00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,050
Across my siduses.
71
00:05:05,630 --> 00:05:06,830
When have I got to loot?
72
00:05:07,110 --> 00:05:13,790
Oh, but Felix, if you mess this up...
You
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00:05:13,790 --> 00:05:19,410
know it, don't you?
74
00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:23,670
Bless you.
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00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:27,510
Oscar, who is it?
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00:05:27,730 --> 00:05:28,790
You'll be the first to know.
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00:05:29,650 --> 00:05:31,670
Put it on Unger's bill. Take a half a
buck for yourself.
78
00:05:32,730 --> 00:05:35,030
Oscar, who is it? Your medicine.
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00:05:40,910 --> 00:05:42,290
Oh, chicken delicious.
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00:05:42,950 --> 00:05:44,730
Here we go. Keep the rest for yourself.
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00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:46,030
Thank you very much.
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00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:53,240
Delicious, will you?
83
00:05:54,700 --> 00:05:57,120
You're not going to serve chicken
delicious for dinner.
84
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,940
No, I keep it in trunks. I like to count
the golden pieces late at night. What
85
00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:05,780
do you think I'm going to do with it? It
certainly isn't very romantic.
86
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,540
Felix, food isn't romance. It's only an
excuse for romance.
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00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:11,960
There she is, Felix.
88
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:16,100
If our friendship means anything at all
to you, keep your mouth shut.
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00:06:17,020 --> 00:06:18,020
Don't worry.
90
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:19,200
Okay.
91
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,860
How'd you like to come in here and get
caught in my web?
92
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,160
Let's see what Tress has learned from
that pretty wrapping.
93
00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:43,800
Oscar, you don't have to do that.
94
00:06:44,020 --> 00:06:45,560
Do what? Play those games.
95
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,360
You know, like on the plane when you
asked me to fasten your seatbelt while
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00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:50,360
were still standing up?
97
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,760
And when you asked me what occupado
meant?
98
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,320
You don't have to do corny things like
that.
99
00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:57,640
I don't?
100
00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:59,760
Oscar, I'm here because I like you.
101
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:01,400
Okay?
102
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:03,520
Oh, boy, is that okay.
103
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,200
Glad you could.
104
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,580
Wow, what a groovy apartment.
105
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:09,160
Mind if I look around? No, go ahead.
106
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,040
Stewardess!
107
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:20,160
That's a closet.
108
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:21,740
It must be you.
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00:07:21,980 --> 00:07:22,980
Oh, yeah.
110
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,120
Oh,
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00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:25,740
but that perfume.
112
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,320
You're doing it again.
113
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:28,780
Stepping your perfume?
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Playing games.
115
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,720
The perfume has nothing to do with it.
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00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,840
What comes... is that you're a man and
I'm a woman.
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00:07:37,420 --> 00:07:39,020
Oh, boy, is that what counts.
118
00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:41,340
So, Bobby, you're a really open, honest
girl.
119
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,220
That's right. So why don't we both be
honest?
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00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:44,299
Yeah, right.
121
00:07:44,300 --> 00:07:46,360
Can I really be honest with you,
Barbara?
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00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,780
Really honest? Uh -huh.
123
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:51,960
Okay. Rather than stand here by the
closet, I'd rather be sitting with you
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00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:54,160
the couch. Is that honest? Like you
mean, you know, honest?
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00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,400
Honest. Okay.
126
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,150
We haven't even had the chicken
delicious yet.
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00:08:13,390 --> 00:08:19,590
Oscar, if a man and a woman are open and
honest with each other, they don't need
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00:08:19,590 --> 00:08:20,590
chicken delicious.
129
00:08:23,550 --> 00:08:26,710
That's just about the greatest thing a
woman ever said to me.
130
00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:32,870
What's that?
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00:08:33,809 --> 00:08:36,710
That's a Russian wolfhound that lives
upstairs.
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Sneezing.
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00:08:42,030 --> 00:08:43,150
we were saying about being honest?
134
00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:49,390
Uh, that two people should be up front
with each other. Yeah, yeah. Okay.
135
00:08:49,950 --> 00:08:50,950
Let's be up front.
136
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the army, they trained me to locate
sneezes.
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00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,520
Oscar,
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00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:23,520
that didn't come from up there.
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00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:25,180
That came from in that closet.
140
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,840
Don't be silly. I mean, what would a
Russian wolf I'd be doing in my closet?
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00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:32,460
It sounded like it came from in there.
Ah, you know why it sounded? Because
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00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:35,400
you're flying around like your ears
probably all... All right, all right.
143
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:40,040
If it'll make you feel any better, I'll
check out the closet for you. Excuse me.
144
00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:43,220
There ain't no Russian wolf I wouldn't
be... It's upstairs.
145
00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:51,160
What are you doing to me?
146
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:55,040
That was nice to you. I did the laundry,
the cleaning, the shopping. Now you
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00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,040
won't give me a break.
148
00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:00,580
I couldn't help it. You're not helping
it. You're sneezing me into the sewer.
149
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:06,180
She's wearing a perfume that I'm
allergic to. My cytosis is killing me.
150
00:10:06,540 --> 00:10:11,420
I may beat him to it. Take an allergy
pill. I did. They take a while to work.
151
00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:14,640
Take two. Take a sleeping pill. Go to
sleep, but don't snore.
152
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:17,300
What if I have to go to the bathroom?
153
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:27,509
Excuse me?
154
00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:29,010
Well? Well, what?
155
00:10:29,850 --> 00:10:31,130
What about the noise?
156
00:10:31,490 --> 00:10:35,050
Noise? Oh, oh, that was the Russian
woman. It was upstairs.
157
00:10:35,550 --> 00:10:36,550
Are you sure?
158
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,290
What I lied to you.
159
00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:41,290
Well? Look, let's go back to being up
front.
160
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,370
Honest? Honest.
161
00:10:46,970 --> 00:10:47,970
Yeah.
162
00:10:49,610 --> 00:10:50,810
There's somebody here.
163
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:53,310
I told you, nobody's in the closet.
164
00:10:56,460 --> 00:10:57,460
In here.
165
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:05,980
Barbara?
166
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,640
I'd like you to meet Felix Unger.
167
00:11:09,220 --> 00:11:10,480
Felix, this is Barbara.
168
00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:12,300
Hi. Hi.
169
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,740
Don't mind me. Just pretend I'm not
here. Oh, I can do better than that.
170
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,460
You left my medicine in here. I didn't
want to disturb you. Okay.
171
00:11:21,940 --> 00:11:23,240
Nice to meet you, Felix.
172
00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:30,250
Felix, do me a favor.
173
00:11:30,530 --> 00:11:32,390
Don't commit suicide while I'm gone.
174
00:11:32,710 --> 00:11:33,950
Save some for me.
175
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:14,060
I thought you did, Peg, because you were
masochistic.
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00:12:16,020 --> 00:12:17,020
Oh, boy.
177
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:19,740
There, now. How's that?
178
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,420
Let Barbara do that.
179
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:33,340
Look at this.
180
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:35,660
I thought you'd left.
181
00:12:36,060 --> 00:12:37,400
No. Thanks.
182
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:39,040
I was in the kitchen.
183
00:12:39,540 --> 00:12:41,200
He needed water for his medicine.
184
00:12:43,210 --> 00:12:44,810
You weren't honest with me about Felix.
185
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:47,830
You should have told me your roommate
was in here sick.
186
00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:51,050
Oh, he's not really sick. You see, he's
allergic to your perfume.
187
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,490
No, turns out I'm not.
188
00:12:54,290 --> 00:12:56,070
I think it must be your new cologne.
189
00:12:58,350 --> 00:12:59,350
Oscar.
190
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:02,150
Oh, Oscar?
191
00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,240
I'm sorry.
192
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:50,080
I didn't intend to ruin your whole
weekend.
193
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,400
It's not my fault it's raining.
194
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,400
Felix, the rain didn't ruin my weekend.
195
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:58,760
It's not like a complete loss.
196
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:05,740
You've got... You've got another date
with Barbara tonight.
197
00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:07,260
That's tonight.
198
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,460
Today I have you and the rain and your
coffee.
199
00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:13,030
Well, is there something you want to do
now?
200
00:14:13,630 --> 00:14:14,630
Yeah.
201
00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:16,690
But it's got to look like an accident.
202
00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:23,010
If you don't happen to have a cigar,
what would you have?
203
00:14:26,510 --> 00:14:28,830
I thought you wanted something to do,
that's all.
204
00:14:30,510 --> 00:14:31,510
Like what?
205
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:35,250
You could change the paper on the
kitchen shelves.
206
00:14:37,370 --> 00:14:38,810
Maybe I won't bother making...
207
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:57,340
up the discard pile. You'd drive me
crazy.
208
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,080
Why don't you call the fellas for a
poker game?
209
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,460
Because it's Sunday, that's why, and all
the guys are married.
210
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,480
And on Sunday when you're married,
you're married most of all on Sunday.
211
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,020
Even if their wives won't let them come
out and play poker.
212
00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:14,080
Who would be crazy enough to come out in
this rain?
213
00:15:26,730 --> 00:15:28,510
Just started counting out stacks of
chips.
214
00:15:29,530 --> 00:15:30,530
Hello, Speed.
215
00:15:30,750 --> 00:15:31,750
Hello, Felix.
216
00:15:32,070 --> 00:15:34,070
Are you telling me your wife let you
out?
217
00:15:34,370 --> 00:15:35,370
Are you kidding?
218
00:15:35,690 --> 00:15:38,490
I dropped her off at her mother's. She
thinks I'm looking for a place to park.
219
00:15:39,190 --> 00:15:40,190
Come on, sit down.
220
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,110
I knew I wouldn't be the first.
221
00:15:42,430 --> 00:15:44,490
Hey, look who made it. Who's that,
Murray?
222
00:15:44,850 --> 00:15:45,850
Is that you, Murray?
223
00:15:46,130 --> 00:15:47,270
No, that's not Murray.
224
00:15:47,490 --> 00:15:48,970
Do I sound like Murray? It's Roy.
225
00:15:49,510 --> 00:15:53,510
Roy. How'd you get out, Roy? Hey, Roy,
never mind that. Come on, sit down.
226
00:15:53,510 --> 00:15:54,530
play. I'm losing money. How is he?
227
00:15:54,950 --> 00:15:56,130
I'm afraid he'll pull through.
228
00:15:57,900 --> 00:15:58,900
Hi, man.
229
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:01,199
Who's that?
230
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,820
Who just came in? Murray just came in.
231
00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:07,120
Oh, man, all this yelling. It's like I
stayed with my wife and her mother.
232
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,880
Hi, Felix. How are you?
233
00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:10,140
Hi, Murray.
234
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,080
Terrible.
235
00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:13,340
Hey, Murray.
236
00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,880
What are you doing here? You're supposed
to be on duty.
237
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,320
Yeah, I'm still on duty.
238
00:16:17,540 --> 00:16:19,060
This is a raid. No,
239
00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:21,199
I'm serious.
240
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:25,200
Listen, you call me up for a poker game
while I'm on duty, right? I gotta tell
241
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,200
the sergeant...
242
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:36,760
It's a great
243
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:42,560
idea to have an impromptu game on a
Sunday. I think it's a great idea any
244
00:16:43,260 --> 00:16:45,760
What was that?
245
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:50,620
That? That is a Russian wolfhound who
lives upstairs, isn't it, me talking
246
00:16:50,620 --> 00:16:52,520
about. I still believe it. It's Felix.
247
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:54,100
Gesundheit, Felix!
248
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:55,460
Oscar.
249
00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:57,930
What happened with the airline
stewardess last night, huh?
250
00:16:58,310 --> 00:16:59,310
Please, Murray.
251
00:16:59,490 --> 00:17:01,070
But she just called a little while ago.
252
00:17:01,370 --> 00:17:02,370
Hey, who can open, huh?
253
00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:06,430
She called you? To find out how he was.
But I convinced her to have dinner with
254
00:17:06,430 --> 00:17:06,989
me tonight.
255
00:17:06,990 --> 00:17:09,730
Murray, can you open? Who can open, huh?
Pete.
256
00:17:10,109 --> 00:17:13,710
What? Nobody can open because you didn't
deal out the cards yet.
257
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:36,290
I think that's sad.
258
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:38,210
It's disgusting, but play louder.
259
00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:40,450
Does the whole neighborhood have to know
I'm losing?
260
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:41,950
Now, who's it up to, huh?
261
00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:43,330
Louder, Speed.
262
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:44,590
Who's it up?
263
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:23,280
make a play?
264
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,060
This is Speed.
265
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:27,400
Go on home.
266
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:32,180
Oh, come on. Oh, they're yelling.
Listen, everyone, the yodel I had spent
267
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:33,180
afternoon in Switzerland.
268
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:34,620
Yeah, Speed is right.
269
00:18:35,540 --> 00:18:40,640
I'm getting hoarse. I mean, I never
yelled at anyone in my whole life.
270
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,160
Forget the yelling.
271
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,460
Yeah, but what about the... I mean, what
about Felix?
272
00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:48,360
Fellas, come here. I got an idea.
273
00:19:04,970 --> 00:19:06,390
put a poker chip in his glass.
274
00:19:07,510 --> 00:19:08,730
You'd stop my headache.
275
00:19:09,830 --> 00:19:12,090
I'm playing poker to make an headache,
commercials.
276
00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:13,290
Come on.
277
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:14,610
I'd better have a dollar.
278
00:19:14,830 --> 00:19:16,270
You I didn't have to hear from.
279
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:18,590
I'm out.
280
00:19:18,930 --> 00:19:21,290
Wow, look at that Oscar. How much are
you ahead?
281
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:25,150
For once, I ain't counting, copper. It's
a jinx. I'm out.
282
00:19:25,490 --> 00:19:26,349
I'm out.
283
00:19:26,350 --> 00:19:27,350
I'm out.
284
00:19:28,190 --> 00:19:29,210
You want any cards?
285
00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:31,390
No, I'll play these little lovely
lights, yeah.
286
00:19:34,060 --> 00:19:36,080
All right, give me two cards and I'll
check to Mr.
287
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,180
Lucky. Here's a dollar's bet.
288
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:41,079
What's the matter?
289
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:41,819
My foot.
290
00:19:41,820 --> 00:19:44,380
What's the matter with your foot? Got a
crampus. All right, well, hold it just
291
00:19:44,380 --> 00:19:45,880
for a second. Come on, come on, he's got
a cramp. Let's go.
292
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:47,500
Here, I'll massage you.
293
00:19:47,740 --> 00:19:51,060
Hold on. Come on, the man's got a bad
foot here. Wait, wait, wait.
294
00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,660
Bite on a poker chip. Go ahead.
295
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:25,630
It is by my weekend, Felix. You
destroyed it. There's a difference.
296
00:20:26,690 --> 00:20:28,530
Well, the weekend isn't over yet.
297
00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:32,210
Yeah, and I'm going to make the best of
the last few hours. I'm taking Barbara
298
00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:36,950
to dinner at the Gypsy Trader. So
please, if anything should happen, don't
299
00:20:36,950 --> 00:20:38,750
me and don't wait up for me.
300
00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:39,949
Oscar. No.
301
00:20:39,950 --> 00:20:40,950
Oscar, listen to me.
302
00:20:41,470 --> 00:20:46,370
I know I exaggerate. I am a
hypochondriac, but if anything should...
303
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:51,150
staying home, Felix. I don't want you
to. All I'm saying is... If you should
304
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:58,150
come back, and I should be... Well, will
you at least see
305
00:20:58,150 --> 00:20:59,470
that I get a decent funeral?
306
00:21:00,030 --> 00:21:01,890
What kind of a thing is that to say?
307
00:21:02,170 --> 00:21:05,690
Well, you've got this habit of letting
everything lie right where it falls.
308
00:21:28,110 --> 00:21:29,110
Honey, for your thoughts.
309
00:21:30,550 --> 00:21:33,710
Did you make sure he took his medicine
before you left? Give me back my penny.
310
00:21:34,010 --> 00:21:38,030
Oh, Oscar, you know he's that helpless
kind of person you can't get out of your
311
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:41,370
mind. Your mind or my life? What was his
temperature before you left? I don't
312
00:21:41,370 --> 00:21:42,870
want to talk about Felix. Eat me dinner.
313
00:21:43,170 --> 00:21:46,290
Look, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll
make a phone call to Felix. I'll get a
314
00:21:46,290 --> 00:21:49,510
full report. Either we'll rush him to
the hospital or we'll forget about him
315
00:21:49,510 --> 00:21:50,489
relax, okay?
316
00:21:50,490 --> 00:21:52,690
That's sweet. Yeah, I'm a very sweet
man.
317
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:00,120
Sasha, come here.
318
00:22:00,260 --> 00:22:01,960
Listen, with dinner, I want champagne.
319
00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:04,800
Get the violins over there. Very
romantic, you got it?
320
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:10,560
Felix,
321
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,500
you're feeling better.
322
00:22:40,490 --> 00:22:42,430
They had our number. It was an
emergency.
323
00:22:43,150 --> 00:22:46,230
I tried to call her, but the phone was
out of order.
324
00:22:47,190 --> 00:22:54,010
It took me ten minutes in this rain with
my cold to get a cab for
325
00:22:54,010 --> 00:22:55,850
three dollars to come here.
326
00:22:56,330 --> 00:23:00,770
She was so grateful for all the trouble
I went through to get the message to
327
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:02,570
her. You shouldn't have, Felix.
328
00:23:03,150 --> 00:23:05,130
Oh, it's all right. My fever broke.
329
00:23:06,130 --> 00:23:07,470
I'm beginning to feel better.
330
00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:09,910
No, I don't mean you shouldn't have.
331
00:23:10,730 --> 00:23:12,910
I mean you shouldn't have.
332
00:23:51,690 --> 00:23:52,690
Find this amusing?
333
00:23:54,550 --> 00:23:55,550
Oscar.
334
00:24:02,430 --> 00:24:03,430
Hi, Felix.
335
00:24:04,950 --> 00:24:05,909
Marianne Black.
336
00:24:05,910 --> 00:24:08,490
This is Oscar Madison. Oscar Madison,
Marianne Black.
337
00:24:08,790 --> 00:24:09,709
Nice meeting you.
338
00:24:09,710 --> 00:24:10,710
Hello.
339
00:24:11,290 --> 00:24:13,350
I thought you weren't coming back till
later.
340
00:24:13,730 --> 00:24:18,230
I wasn't, but I think I caught you
bugged. Oh, no. Yes, I think so. Oh, no.
341
00:24:18,490 --> 00:24:21,170
Well, there's only one thing for it. Hot
tea. Come on, into the kitchen.
342
00:24:21,610 --> 00:24:22,950
What can I say, Marianne? Oscar's sick.
343
00:24:23,170 --> 00:24:25,050
Don't worry, Felix. I understand.
344
00:24:25,890 --> 00:24:29,130
Felix. I'm sorry, Marianne. Come on,
into the kitchen. Move. You're sending
345
00:24:29,130 --> 00:24:31,930
home? Well, somebody's got to take care
of you. You don't have enough sense.
346
00:24:32,130 --> 00:24:33,130
I'm sorry.
347
00:24:33,230 --> 00:24:34,230
It's just a gag.
348
00:24:34,310 --> 00:24:35,930
I'm not sick. It's a bad joke.
349
00:24:36,270 --> 00:24:37,430
You know the trouble with you?
350
00:24:37,710 --> 00:24:39,410
You don't give a guy a chance to get
revenge.
351
00:24:40,150 --> 00:24:43,890
I'm sorry. Look, go back to your day.
Come on, have a good time. I'm sorry.
352
00:24:43,890 --> 00:24:47,390
not sick. It's nice meeting you. I'm
going to catch a movie, okay? I don't
353
00:24:47,390 --> 00:24:48,670
a coat. I'm sorry. Oscar.
354
00:24:50,050 --> 00:24:51,050
Button your coat.
27149
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