Original subtitles

So, how's it going with Inger? Why don't you come back and wait?

Joe!

What? Joe!

You were snoring!

Oh, man, I was awake. I heard everything you said.

Go ahead. If you don't believe me, repeat it. I'll tell you.

Yeah, all right.

I'm sorry. I haven't been getting much sleep lately, okay?

I know how to fix that.

Oh, yeah? How's that?

Start by sleeping less during the day.

That's very funny.

Come on.

Hello,

Einstein. Do you want to move the car?

Maybe he's deaf.

Or asleep.

Come on.

Hello?

Hello? What part of the room did he... I

don't like this, but this time it's funky.

Take this car, come on.

No, no, no, no.

That's my car.

But I'll give you a lift.

I think you're going my way.

No kidding, it arrived on time.

Yeah, beautiful.

Oh, hi, honey.

Yeah, I just docked.

Omega to Centaur, come in, Centaur.

He's here on the docks looking right at you.

He's on the move.

There's no place for him to go.

He's coming right at me.

Right at me.

Right at me.

He's elevated.

Hi, honey. Hey.

You must be a mind reader. I was just about to call you. Okay.

Except for dinner.

Very typical honest delay.

I won't believe it for another 15 minutes.

What do we got?

Another shooting.

Same M .O.

What, about three and two weeks now?

Sometimes somebody's keeping score.

Any idea on the shooter?

Some lady saw something, but not much. She said he was Caucasian and had a cap

pulled out over his eyes. What'd she say?

She saw the perp and the victim both on the pier. The victim started talking on

his cell phone. The perp suddenly went ballistic, shot him. It wasn't a

Nash. He left his wallet, his jewelry, his cash, but he did take the phone.

Well, it's all the money we've got. Some guy got shot for talking on his cell

phone. See, who would want to do that?

I just interviewed the widow of our latest cell phone murder victim.

And? She was the one on the phone with her husband when he got shot.

Says she heard the whole thing.

Anything helpful?

Yeah, maybe.

She heard the shooter in the background tell her husband go to hell. And then he

said something like, tell the center or tell the sender.

And then he's the dead one, not me.

You got that cell phone number?

Oh, yeah.

555 -0174.

I'm thinking if this is about phones, maybe he's still got one on it.

So we're chasing a wacko?

I'll let you know, hopefully.

Hello! You'll never take me alive!

Uh, who is this?

You know damn well who this is! You called me!

I triangulate.

Uh, listen, uh, we'd like to help you if we can.

Tell the centaur he's gonna fail!

Well, you know what? Why don't we tell him together? I could drive over there

and pick you up. You work for the centaur!

Was that the guy?

What did he say? Is he psychotic, paranoid?

What, is he delusional? All of the above.

Although I did find out one thing. It's not center, it's centaur.

He thinks the centaur is out to get him. They're working on the triangulation.

They'll call us back. Beautiful.

Centaur, you mean like the mythological centaur?

I don't know.

Obviously, our player is a couple of pixels shy of a full screen.

Caitlin, pull all the records of all mental patients that have been released

the Bay Area and say, oh, the last six months. All right, am I looking for

anything specific?

Anybody with a phone, Jones, and a history of violence.

All right, you got it.

Okay, great, thanks.

That was my friend Jamie Lang.

He's got an extremely lucrative off -duty gig for us.

All right, so they're a little eccentric.

Hi, we're, um... Yeah, I know.

Okay, uh... Oh, hi there, son. Is, uh... Dad!

Hi.

I'm Eddie Day. Thanks for coming.

Okay, so you want to fill us in? I understand you're being harassed. Well,

not the one being harassed. It's Doodly.

Doodly? Oh, no. No, no, no. That's my son, Eddie Jr.

Doodly's my partner, Doodly Day.

Hey, numbnuts, bring him back here.

He's back there.

Doodly?

Say hello.

Oh, hello.

So, these are the private dicks, huh?

So, the dummy is the one being harassed? No, no.

Vent figure. We never use the term dummy. Vent figure. Yes.

Although after meeting you two, we might start.

Doodly, be polite.

These men are off -duty police officers. You know, I wanted to be a cop myself

once, but I decided to finish high school.

You know...

I guess there's just been a misunderstanding.

So, you know what? We'll just be going.

No, no, please.

Look, look.

I know what this must seem like, but you gotta help me.

Look, I'm not a psycho.

I'm just feeling a little desperate because it's my only livelihood for me

my family.

I'm not good at anything else.

Please, let me play you the tape.

Oh, well, just let's hear the tape. Come on.

I have to play it low. I don't want him upset.

Mm -hmm.

That's the third message I've gotten from Happy in the past 24 hours.

Who's Happy? He's my former partner.

Happy and Eddie? See?

I'm sure you heard of us.

No. I see that was a problem.

For 12 years, we played family venues, conventions, county fairs, churches. We

never made a dime. So I retired Happy, and I went with Doodly. He's younger.

He's hipper. Yo, I am the bomb. Yeah.

Okay, just slowly start moving towards the door. No, no, no. He can be

insulting. He can be dirty.

Yeah, I fart, I hurl.

He can be outrageous in ways that Happy could never be. Happy sucks. Doodly

rocks. So as soon as I went with Doodly, my career took off. I just got a six

-month booking headlining in Vegas.

He's threatening my livelihood. Let me get this straight. The former dummy

That's the event figure.

Oh, event figure.

Why, thank you, Joe.

The former vent figure is threatening the new vent figure.

Well, have you ever heard of a vent named Stevie Strong?

You know, golly, we're just not up on the vent world right now.

Well, she's very good. She's the only one besides me who can do happy that

And what is your relationship with Stevie?

He was stopping her.

Okay, we had an affair.

It was a mistake and it's over.

But she's still pissed about it. So I thought... that if you guys went with me

to talk to her, we could convince her to lay off.

Does this woman own any weapons?

No, no, she's not that way. How about emotional problems? Does she have

emotional problems? No, no, this is why this will work. She can be reasoned

with.

All you have to do is give her a little reality check.

Please, guys, I leave for Vegas in two days. You've got to help me.

No, no, no, no.

We're not doing this.

that cell phone.

Yeah, we triangulated the signal to the north side of Tower 187B.

When he made the call, he could have been anywhere within a two -square -mile

area south of Market, but now that the phone's off, we got no signal, so he

could be anywhere.

All right, we're back shortly.

Hey, you, slow down.

What do I look like, a crash test dummy? Where'd you learn to drive, clown

school? You're pushing it, Eddie.

Sorry, traffic makes him antsy.

Hey, you, nice...

and the monkey wants his ass back.

Action. You're going in the trunk.

Nash.

Nash, man, nothing's showing up on the crazy radar at those other shooting

locations? Uh -huh.

Well, what'd you get on the Centaur front?

We've got Centaur carpet cleaning, Centaur plumbing supply, Centaur weight

center. Go with the weight loss center. And check the victims. Maybe these

murders aren't so random.

How do we do this?

Uh, you make the introduction. We'll take it from there.

Hi.

Stevie Strong?

Yes. Thanks for the introduction.

We'd like to talk to you.

Who are they?

We're private investigators, ma 'am.

We just want to ask you a couple of questions, if that's okay.

About what?

Happy day.

Hey, Evie, baby, you're keeping an eye out for me.

You leave her alone. She's getting repaired. Eddie, knock it off, will you?

don't talk, please.

I can't believe you're sticking private detectives on me. What is it that I'm

supposed to have done?

Well, Eddie's been receiving threatening phone calls.

Did you make them?

You think I'd do that?

We're not accusing. We're asking.

But you should know that making threats against a person is not only not nice,

but it's against the law.

I did.

I did. I did.

We didn't threaten anyone, but is it too late to start?

Your face is threatened enough.

Okay, knock off the cute stuff so we can get out of here, all right? You're the

one who brought the clowns. Speaking of clowns, who did your makeup, Ronald

McDonald? Very funny, Puff Daddy moron. Why, you little... Okay, all right, all

right, knock it off. Now look.

Look, Phoebe. Oh, I'm looking, big boy, and what I see is making me hot.

Don't make me barf.

What's the matter? You jealous?

Of you?

Dream on.

You're so ugly, my car wouldn't even run you over. Oh, you know you didn't see

that when your wife wasn't around, Mr.

Splinter. Oh, don't flatter yourself. On second thought, why don't you? Because

no one else is going to. All right, that's it. Knock her off. Shut up, both

you. Shut up. Shut up, all of you.

Now, Stevie, you have to stop making these threatening calls if it's you

them. Otherwise, you're going to jail. You got it?

I never made any threats.

You can check my phone records if you don't believe me. He's just mad because

have my own career now and I have a new boyfriend and I don't need him anymore.

Evie and I are going to be regulars on a cable show in Pittsburgh.

We leave this afternoon. You think I'd jeopardize that?

Eddie, I cared about you.

I'm hurt that you...

Excuse me if such a thing.

So what do you think?

I think I believe her, which means we're still on this damn job.

I've already told the police everything I know.

Howard left to go to the store and never came home.

They found him two blocks from here.

Your husband had no enemies that you know of.

Nobody that would kill him.

You okay?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

Go on.

I want to help you catch whoever did this.

Mrs. Shepard, do you remember if your husband ever referred to anyone or

anything called the centaur?

Not that I can remember.

I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Caitlin, come on.

Yeah, yeah, we want to check that list.

Any other violent releases?

Did you check a task you did?

All right, thanks very much.

I think your laundry's done.

What?

Nothing.

Yeah, hold on. I'm coming.

Coming. Hold on.

Caitlin. Can I come in?

Sure, sure. Come on in.

I'm sorry. I know it's late.

What's up, Caitlin?

It's Nash.

We had a fight.

Oh.

Joe, I think he hates me.

No, no, he doesn't hate you.

He said that I was anal and compulsive, Joe.

He called me Miss Piggy.

Oh, I'm sure he meant it in the nicest way.

I don't think so.

I don't think this is a good idea.

Oh, Joe.

I've been so attracted to you.

I've been waiting to do this for so long.

wrong time zone uh you trying to tell me something what sorry i overslept we'll

catch up bubba caitlin where were you all right these are our three cell phone

victims right here notice how all three murders occurred within two blocks of

the 2bl north south muni bus route off of clay streets so joey we're thinking

that the killer lives in the area he takes the bus that's how he encounters

victims any thoughts

those things that happen in the brain when synapses fire. We sometimes use

to solve cases.

Oh, no.

Well, no thanks.

Caitlin, get with Muni. Talk to the bus drivers.

Yeah, I'm on it.

Harvey, run down the parolees and mental patients along that route.

Yeah.

Uh, Dominguez.

When?

All right, we're on our way.

Just got a report that they got a guy trying to pawn the three stolen cell

phones. The unit's picked him up.

Harvey, on it.

What'd I do, man?

I went in there to get a little loan. I get jumped by the Gestapo.

Where'd you find this cell phone, Drew?

What, I can't own a cell phone?

Oh, no, you can own a cell phone.

But that's not yours. That belongs to somebody who was murdered yesterday.

Oh, so now I'm a thief and a killer.

Mel, where the hell did you get that cell phone?

I fished it out of the bay after some guy threw it in there.

I swore to God.

What'd this guy look like?

Dude with a cap.

A little more specific, Mel. Short, tall, black, white.

What do you want me to do, draw you a picture?

Don't be a wiseass, my friend, because this is serious.

I'm serious, too. That's what I do.

Landscapes, caricatures, portraits.

I'm real good at likenesses.

I got my pad in the backpack.

I could give you his face, man.

Can I have a couple?

Show me.

You know, I used to be a cop.

What?

You don't believe me?

Excuse me. You wouldn't have change for a thousand, would you?

Hey.

Park, how you doing, man? Hey, man. Thanks for coming down. He doesn't

that I used to be a cop.

I may not look like a cop. That was my figure.

How's this going so far?

Uh, good.

I wouldn't have been here two days. You know Rocky, the guy from my building?

He's the manager here.

He set me up. Cool.

You want anything?

No, I'm working. It's cool. A soda? Yeah, how about a soda?

All right.

You know, he doesn't look like a cop, but he's a cop.

That's true.

He is a cop.

Listen, Shirley, can I... I spent your drink here. Hey.

I know, because I can see his badge.

That's right.

The carb, I just... I just want to say that I'm sorry.

I set you up, and you got blindsided, and it was completely my fault.

I owe you one.

Don't worry about it.

No, no, no. Anything I can do for you. You want some food? You want anything?

Yeah, man. I said don't worry about it, man.

No, no, no.

Nobody's no good here. I mean, as long as I'm working at this place, nobody's

good.

Okay.

That's cool.

What you need, my brother?

I got it all, man.

Rocks, clickers, bricks, niggas.

You got the cash, I got the stash, baby.

Yeah, hold on.

What you looking at?

Huh? Chicken head?

You looking at me?

You looking at me?

Look, show me.

There's a bus.

Yeah, he's sitting two seats away from me.

Take him to the next stop.

Yeah.

What's up, bitch? Huh?

You trying to dog me, man?

Huh?

me what's wrong with you?

Huh?

Nothing's wrong with me. Nothing?

Nothing.

So, um, what classes does Cassidy have this semester?

Now, Bubba, you can either tell me now or you can tell me later.

Fine, I'll tell you later.

Oh,

well, Daryl Chang.

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Friend of yours, Matt? Yeah, we busted him a few times. Uh, more than a few.

What was he doing riding the bus?

Apparently, his stolen BMW was recently stolen.

Looks like he went for his gun.

We thought it was a gang hit at first, but the bus driver said that the victim

had a verbal altercation with some passenger.

A guy in the cab?

Yep, followed him off the bus, shot him, and then took off.

Didn't take his cell phone.

Well, he must have taken at least one.

Daryl didn't travel light.

The more we get on this guy, the less I'm understanding him. When he takes one

cell phone and leaves the rest, it doesn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense to him.

You know what, Joe?

This thing is shootings.

They all look sort of defensive, don't they?

I'm thinking that this guy, just the sight of somebody talking on a cell

must have scared the hell out of him.

Hey,

the guy who pawned the cell phone? It claims he found him. He says he saw this

guy dump him into the bay. It does match the various description we had of our

shooters.

Really? Wait a minute.

What?

I've seen this man.

He was doing his laundry in the last victim's apartment house.

When was he there? He was there when we were there. I'm telling you, he was

giving me strange looks.

This is the guy.

You've seen this guy live in the same building?

Well, he was doing his laundry there.

You and Caitlin, head back over there. Take plenty of back. Bring this guy to

the SIU. I want to talk to him. Yes, sir.

Someone broke into the house last night and shredded Doodly's wardrobe.

If he hadn't been upstairs sleeping with Kathy and me, he might have been

completely destroyed.

He was sleeping with you in the same bed.

Your point is?

No point.

I found this.

Well, it can't be Stevie because she left for Pittsburgh yesterday afternoon.

Well, who could it be?

You tell us.

I don't know.

Well, think, damn it. It's not like you're Elvis. It's got to be somebody

close to you.

Hey, great outfit.

If you're a rhino, what is it, a tent?

I look like I'm going camping?

I got an idea. Let's try something my size, just for novelty's sake.

No clothes, wrong size.

What's this? It's got cows on it. Do you hear me moving?

I don't wear cows, doofus.

He is so picky.

We're happy.

All right.

Over here.

We like this end. All right. Let's go out the front.

We can try, but I bet you he's history.

You're going to hate me for saying this, but we've been foiled.

Joe.

Oh, hi. Could I talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

Sure.

Are you angry with me?

Angry?

Then why are you avoiding me?

I haven't... Hey, Grant.

Nash called. Had to run out. Said he wants you two to work the case together.

Okay.

Good.

I've, um, got some material I'd like to show you.

I think we work very well together.

Are you sure this is okay with Nash?

This isn't about Nash.

This is about us.

Well, did you enjoy it?

Oh, I think.

You didn't enjoy having sex with my girlfriend?

I would have enjoyed it a little, but she put the moves on me. It was her

Her idea, eh?

Bite me, you adulterer!

Oh, honey, come home.

His name is Leonard Voss, no criminal record. He works as the super in that

building in exchange for his room and a small salary. And his room is right next

door to the last of his apartment, which is two blocks away from the 2DL beauty

bus stop. Not to mention that he started shooting as soon as we knocked on his

door, and ballistics confirms that those slugs came from the same weapon used in

the other killings. You put surveillance on the building? Yesterday. He hasn't

been back. Well, good morning.

Or should I say good afternoon?

Welcome. Nice to have you with us. What did we get out of this guy's place?

Oh, ho, plenty. His diary here reads like it's written in some sort of secret

code. And he's got all these paper clippings from tabloids.

Aliens transmit through cell phones. I believe that.

Cell phones cause cancer. I believe that, too.

This is good. He's using tabloids as his point of reference. Very reassuring.

We also found a slew of medications in there, Nash, prescribed by his doctor.

Gylatin, Stelazine, and Proloxin.

Procedures and psychosis. They're all full.

which means he stopped taking them or never started.

Joe, why are you so jumpy?

I'm cool.

Okay, cool.

So, let's get this straight. Our boy sees anybody talking on his cell phone

threat. Well, that's a hell of a lot of potential victims out there. Go talk to

this doctor. Find out the full story.

Let's stop this guy before he tells again.

Hi, Joe. Oh, what?

You know, if I let you leave that jelly on your face, you'll bug me all day.

Joe, you okay?

I'm fine, Caitlin. Thank you.

Okay, what's going on with you and Caitlin?

Like what?

Oh, but you're treating her like high -poised Mary.

She thinks you're mad at her.

Oh, that's not her. I just haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately.

Why don't we talk about it? Maybe it'll make you feel better.

Speak.

We never dreamed.

About Caitlin.

What kind of dreams?

Erotic dreams.

I can understand that.

Man, I'm afraid to go to sleep at night.

All right, do you want the Freudian cure, the Jungian cure, or the Phrygian

cure?

Whatever works.

You're not really dreaming about Caitlin at all.

I'm not. No.

You're actually dreaming about me.

But since you can't consciously accept your blatant homoerotic urges while your

wife is out of town, you take my girlfriend and put her in as a

Are you high?

Well, just think about that when you go to bed. I guarantee you those dreams

will be history.

Dominguez.

Yeah.

Okay, we're on our way.

We got another dead body.

Man.

Well, I came out to swim laps, and there he was.

I thought we should wait for you to pull him out.

I don't know whether to call the coroner or the Department of Forestry.

Oh, my God.

He's been decapitated.

Dad, it's okay.

No, it's not.

Oh, wait. Eddie, I'm sorry.

You know, Eddie, maybe it's time to do a little reality check here.

It's a puppet.

You can make another one. You don't understand.

He's a part of me.

The part that finally became successful.

The part that finally made me feel like I was somebody.

You're definitely somebody, Eddie.

Somebody. Yeah, you're like doodly and happy and anyone else you choose to be.

I suggest that you all try and not lose sight of that.

Heaven, can I speak to you?

Yeah,

excuse me one second.

What's up, Rock?

What the hell are you doing drinking on a job?

It's one drink.

It's good for business. I'm trying to loosen up a little bit. Yeah, well,

on your own time, okay?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

It won't happen again.

Damn straight it won't.

Dr. Archer.

Hello.

Inspectors Cross and League SFPD.

We need to talk to you about one of your patients.

Leonard Voss was diagnosed with a grade 4 GBM.

A glioblastoma multiforme grade 4 tumor.

He was terminal. Probably less than a year to live.

We operated, got out as much of it as we could.

Sometimes you can extend their lives, but you rarely save them.

Especially if they refuse all post -op treatment as Leonard did.

Why would he have refused treatment?

Terminal patients often go into deep denial. Leonard, it was pathological.

He became paranoid and delusional. He was convinced that he didn't really have

tumor, which is doubly ironic since it was probably the tumor that caused the

delusional behavior to begin with.

He was convinced that we had lied to him and were out to get him.

I tried to help. I prescribed antipsychotics.

and referred him to a psychiatrist, but he never showed up, and I haven't seen

him since.

Okay, well, thank you so much for your help. Sure, I wish I could help more.

Excuse me, I have surgery.

Thank you.

Because he can't face the fact that he's dying, he's turned the whole thing into

a paranoid fantasy where people on cell phones are plotting to kill him.

And yet, at the root of this fantasy is some sort of tangible plan.

Well, it all has to do with this centaur, whatever that is. Here, listen,

is from his diary.

The centaur does not show himself. He calls his servants on the phone. They

track me everywhere. So many.

I can't kill them all. Must kill the centaur. Must kill him to live.

Right, but who represents the centaur?

Well, that's what we don't know. And neither does Dr. Archer.

Dr. Archer is his doctor's name?

Yeah, so?

Well, the centaur is half horse, half archer.

No, it couldn't be that simple, could it?

Could this whole damn thing be about his doctor?

We better find him.

And right away, see if we can get him on the phone. Let's roll.

Stay here, okay? I'll be right back.

Hi. I just brought this guy in. He fainted on the street.

Which guy?

next time you get to pick the music.

Thanks, man.

I'm going to look harder, faster.

I don't want to kill you, Leonard.

You gave me a death sentence!

Not me, the disease, Leonard.

You're the disease! You and your assassins!

I only want to help you.

Then call it off and let me live!

Please!

Let me live!

You can do that.

Go ahead.

Promise him.

Promise that you'll call it off.

I promise.

Oh, I know you mean it.

He means it, don't you, Doc?

Tell him.

Yes, Leonard, I mean it.

See, Leonard?

It's time to give me the gun, Leonard.

It's time to go.

Not appointed.

What

are

you doing, Evan?

Oh, hey, Rocky.

Listen, man.

Actually, I'm having a party tonight, and I didn't have a chance to pick

anything up. So you helped yourself to my stock.

Come on, Rocky. You know me better than that. I was going to pay you back.

Yeah. I do.

Who stays, you're gone.

What are you saying?

You're fired.

That's what I'm saying.

All right, fine.

Keep your booze. Keep your job. I'm out of here. Pick those up.

I don't think you understand this, Rocky. I don't work for you anymore. You

pick them up.

I said pick them up.

Let go of me, Rocky.

You're going to make me a little punk -ass.

Can I get you something to drink?

Uh, no. That's too funny.

Uh, Eddie?

Uh, I'll be right with you just as soon as I kick little Eddie's butt here.

Yeah, you wish, Dad.

Uh, we thought you'd like to know we found Doodly's head.

Let me see.

Mmm, that's pretty gruesome.

Probably should do it in private.

Um, this way.

Do you want to tell him?

Or do you want me to?

You were right, Papa. That was a great gig. I'm glad you brought it in.

Oh, no, no, no, no. That gig should in no way be construed or mistaken for the

kind of gigs we should be doing.

Yeah.

So how did you figure out it was Eddie Jr.? Process of elimination.

Well, who'd you eliminate?

Everybody but Eddie Jr.?

The letters on the threat note, they were all cut out of comic books.

Kid's a comic book nut.

Also, there's no love lost between he and the dummy.

Well, it put this family in touch with some of their issues and helped solve

That's a good thing.

Yeah, well, don't get all misty -eyed over me because I'm about to modify the

original rule.

Bridges and Dominguez will accept no gigs involving clients made out of wood.

Nash, what's up with Joe? He seems a little tense.

Well, let's just say it's been a little difficult for him since Inger and Lucia

have been away.

Leave it at that.

Well, I'm sorry to say, but you don't seem very concerned, Nash.

The guy's your best friend. Maybe we should have him over for dinner.

you'll be fine.

You know, this whole stoic male thing is really just like you.

Repressing one's feelings does not make them go away. You know that. Sometimes

it makes them worse.

Look, I think the best thing you can do for him is maybe listen to what's on his

mind.

I appreciate your sentiments, darling, but trust me on this one. He'll be a lot

better off if we just give him his space.

You're beautiful.

Hi.

Oh, hi, Caitlin.

Hi, how are you doing?

Joe Nash told me what's been going on with you lately.

Oh, really?

I'm sorry, it's really embarrassing.

Joe, it's okay.

Believe me, I've been there too.

Really? You mean that... Yeah, you know, you don't have to be embarrassed.

Sometimes it even helps to talk about it.

Really?

Okay.

Well... The one last night where you whipped off my pants and my belt in one

movement. That was crazy.

Excuse me? That lingerie that you were wearing or not really wearing.

Do you really have muscles in your thighs like that?

What are you talking about?

My dream.

You've been having sex dreams about me?

What did Nash tell you?

That you missed your wife.

Oh.

Joe, I'm sorry. This is too weird.

Be open.