Original subtitles

I know that, but I have a schedule to keep.

Hey, besides, we had an agreement.

Have you ever heard of the phrase, the customer is always right?

Yeah, well, you should learn it.

Talk to you later.

What was all that about?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing?

What, do you think I'm trying to hide something from you?

I know you are.

Tactic number one.

What tactic?

Am I not entitled to have a little secret?

Well, of course you are, Bubba.

What is this thing with you, man? Every time I have a secret, you try to pry it

out of me. Pry it out of you? You thing like a canary at Jump Street.

No, no, no. Only under extreme pressure.

What pressure?

That's tactic number two.

All right, don't tell me. I don't want to know. You can have all the sneaky

little meetings and mysterious phone calls you want.

That's tactic number three, guilt.

No, no, no, no, no. There's no tactic here. I don't want to know. Don't tell

That's 3A. That's just three with a little topspin.

How best to convey this to you? I do not want to know your stupid little

secrets. Keep it to yourself.

Hey, how about those Niners?

Well, if you wanted to know the truth, I would just want to tell you the truth,

okay?

Hold that thought, Bubba.

I can't believe it.

That can't be her, can it?

Hammer band that.

The spider returns to the web.

Who said she's going to bite off this time?

Not mine.

They did a bad thing.

They did a bad thing.

You look good.

Don't remind me.

We're gonna grab her?

Let's wait and see what she's up to first.

Joe.

Who are those guys?

I don't know, but we're not the only hombres at the dance.

Feel like crying.

Feel like crying.

She made me.

My Joey Kelly.

Feel like crying.

Feel like crying.

Why would he come?

Federal agents. Nobody move. We saw you. We saw you. Relax.

I'm placing this woman under arrest.

No, you're not. She's coming with us. I'm flattered with all the attention.

Relax, Bubba. There's plenty of her to go around.

Trust me on that one.

Didn't know Nash had a line on her.

I'm not so sure he did.

What blew me in, guys? What am I looking at?

Tamara Van Dam, number one on Nash's most wanted list.

Nash was romantically interested in that woman at one point. She was trapped in

a relationship with a criminal, a union gangster.

She went to Nash for help, and he took him down for her.

And what happened?

Well, it turns out she wasn't so clean. Nash didn't know it at the time, but she

was involved in the shady business with her hubby, including possibly murder.

So she just wanted to get her hubby out of her hair.

Correctamundo. As soon as Nash put him in jail, she ran.

With 1 .2 million dirty money.

And broke Nash's heart.

It's hard to know with Nash. I mean, we've seen him get hurt over the

betrayal and never think twice about the big ones.

Wow.

Her?

Her. Let's go.

Tamara Van Zandt. Boy, I never thought we'd ever see her again.

Yeah, well. life has this cute little way of surprising the hell out of you,

doesn't it?

Indeed.

So?

So, we get a statement from her and put her in jail, just like anybody else.

Check it out.

What's this?

Loco Joe's Family Style Salsa.

Ah,

the big secret.

Yes, indeed, man.

Every time I make this stuff, everybody says, Joe, this is great. You should

market this stuff. Joe, this stuff will sell like hotcakes.

I'm going to do it. I've rented a factory, a little small little place.

hired 10 workers, and I'm going to do it. Well, that explains the loco part.

No, no, no, no, not this time. I have researched every angle. I know the whole

field flat. You can't trip me up. Go ahead, try it.

All right.

Where did you get the money?

Investors provided the seed money in exchange for a part of the profits. Not

penny came out of my own pocket.

Next. All right. Who's going to buy it?

The traditional snack enthusiasts are our target market. Eight to 80

grandmothers, little kids, sports enthusiasts, shut -ins, everybody.

How are you going to market it?

Glad you asked.

Mid -level independent distributors. They control 80 % of the family

supermarkets and ethnic groceries.

What's the IAF?

Finger factor?

I'm tracking it at about 4 .3.

Sounds like you're really on top of this thing. Hey, man, you've fallen on your

face enough times, and you know you're going to learn something.

Hey, check it out. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Maybe after lunch.

All right.

Mmm.

Yo, that's terrific. You ought to market this stuff.

Mmm.

Alex Milosz, Miss Van Zandt's companion for the past ten weeks.

Cute guy.

That the single eyebrow look is much more attractive than two, don't you

Hmm. Who is he?

He worked at the Pelvin Nuclear Power Facility in the Eastern Czech Republic.

When the Eastern Bloc crumbled, plant security went with it. He and a few

friends started taking their work home with them.

And U .S. Customs is involved because?

They were taking home weapons -grade plutonium.

Plutonium? As in mushroom, cloud, your teeth fall out kind of plutonium? Well,

is there any other kind?

I know you're the expert.

Unfortunately, Milos dropped off our radar three weeks ago.

We tailed Miss Van Zandt back to the States.

We're confident that Milos and the plutonium won't be too far behind her.

I've never heard of anyone named Milos.

This was taken five weeks ago in Prague.

It's kind of cozy for a man you've never heard of. You mean Alex?

I didn't know his real last name.

Where is he? More to the point. Where's the plutonium?

I know Alex was into some interesting stuff, but I didn't know anything about

this.

Look, all he told me was to check into the Fairmont Hotel and that he'd call.

Then again, maybe he won't.

Love's a fleeting thing. Stop being coy. We are talking about a possible nuclear

bomb here.

I heard you before.

Okay, look, I'll make you a deal.

Uh, excuse me?

Excuse me.

Could I talk to you a minute?

Pardon me, but are you crazy?

What exactly is your thought here?

I'm prepared to offer her full immunity for prosecution.

On all earlier charges, if she cooperates and if we recover the

You're not authorized to do that. I sure as hell can get authorized.

We have a case that'll put her away for life. It's not her life I'm concerned

about. It's the two to ten million lives that fake if a bomb goes off.

I'm telling you, don't do this. Nothing is more important than recovering that

plutonium. I can't argue with you there, but you can't trust her to get it back

for you. I don't need her trust.

She's got information.

I've got her freedom.

Self -interest works with anybody.

Trust me.

Okay.

Here's the deal.

You get immunity on all your priors if we get the plutonium.

You set up a meet with Milos at the Fairmont once it goes down, and we

our assets, you're free.

Means slate.

I can live with that.

Uncover.

the right thing.

She's playing you.

Inspector, I've been watching Tamara Van Zandt night and day for about a month.

I've got a pretty good idea what I'm dealing with.

She doesn't have a clue, does she?

Not even close.

Got it.

I got some

issues

down at the salsa plant, so if you don't...

You know, if it's any consolation, she always made you feel miserable again.

Thank you.

Yes, I remember. Thank you very much.

As requested, I've worked up a number of more thermally intensive variations of

our base comestible foundation.

These are the final ones.

Nice and spicy. I like it real spicy.

All rates extremely high on the Scoville scale for captain.

The Scoville scale rates how hot the peppers are, then? Correct.

Alpha Batch, flavored with Serrano pepper.

17 ,000 Scoville heat units.

17 ,000.

Chunky.

Tomato -y.

Doesn't have any kick to it, do I? I want it real spicy.

You like spicy?

Delta Batch.

Mala Gueta pepper.

90 ,000 Scoville heat units.

90 ,000? 90 ,000.

Sparrow.

Scarum. Comes a little tingly.

Got a nice hang to it.

Best you can do?

No.

This is the best I... can do.

Zulu Batch.

Habanero Pepper.

300 ,000.

Let's go for the game.

The

Habanero

is also known as Belethean Blowtorch.

My throat's cold enough. I will get you a glass of water.

Bring a straw, drink all over my stomach. Thank God.

You okay, Bubba?

Yeah, I think my sight's coming back.

Attention, shoppers. Item on aisle two.

Had to zip through 17 hours of tape from seven different security cameras, but

by golly, we got a hit.

Winner of this year's...

Looking damn guilty in a supporting role as Mr. Middleman himself.

Well, bite me. It's Carl Wamser.

Everybody's favorite weasel.

I wasn't meeting anybody. I was looking for a gift for my mother.

Oh, is that right?

Well, you must have been having a hell of a time trying to figure out what to

buy. Because you were standing in the same spot for 40 minutes. We got it on

tape there, Carl. I wanted to put some thought into it. After all, she's my

mother.

Does the name Tamra Van Vant mean anything to you?

No.

Did you see that?

Yes, I did.

Saw what?

You twitched. What twitch?

I didn't twitch.

You twitched. Every time you lie, you twitch.

You guys are full of it.

I don't twitch.

There you go again.

Man, you are a twitcherama.

It's called a tell, Carl.

You make a lousy card player.

Now, we know you were planning to put a deal together for Tamara.

And we even know what the merchandise is.

But we don't know where and when.

I think I'm leaving.

Now,

Carl, there's only one reason why anyone would want to buy plutonium.

To build a bomb.

Look, if you're going to charge me with something, charge me.

Otherwise, I'm out of here.

Fine.

Just remember, we gave you a chance.

See ya.

She's coming towards you. They're cosmetics.

Ah, nice trick.

You got my heart beating, Phil.

I don't like to count my fingers more than twice a day.

I'm not as bad as you think, Ash.

Really? I don't even think about it.

So, did you miss me?

Think about me?

Plenty.

Me too.

Mm -hmm.

What are you doing here?

What'd you do, run through that million two already?

Hmm.

The Czech Republic is nice, but lacks certain amenities.

Decent lipstick, for one.

I see the feds cramping your style.

Actually, it's comforting knowing I can get ahead and not get in any trouble.

You're still quick, Nash, but you've lost your sense of humor.

Only when it comes to you.

That's too bad.

But you just can't get your hands on me.

Actually, I've got my hands all over you.

I just don't know it yet.

Touche.

Are you okay?

Was it good for you?

Not a bit.

Ahmed Khan, Pakistani national.

Why do you suppose he was after you?

Guess we'll never know.

Yeah, well, he'll never tell us, that's for sure.

Kevin, Michelle, take Ms. Van Zandt over to Lisa.

Catherine's up in the Humboldt camp.

Barb, transfer her hotel phone so if Milos calls, she can take it. Hold on a

second.

Who's Lisa?

Don't take your eyes off of her.

Steps one foot out that door, shoot her. Love to.

S .I .U. Inspector Dominguez.

Sosote. We got problems, bro.

Who is it?

Marco, man.

Oh.

Who is it?

That's my commercial director.

Uh, so what's the problem?

Our soundstage fell through.

What do you mean? I thought you had that all set.

Well, I did, but they dumped us in favor of a paying client. So, bottom line, I

need 5Gs to rent a soundstage.

5Gs?

Hey, no cash, no soundstage.

Soundstage, no commercial.

No commercial, no sales. So, catch my drift?

Yes, I get your drift.

It's up to you, Mano. What do you want to do?

I'll call you back, Mano.

Hey, Nashman.

No.

What do you mean no? You haven't even heard the question yet. That's the

of it. I already know the answer.

Look, we need some place to shoot this commercially, you know, and your

apartment would be perfect.

Hey, I got an idea.

No. It's a very small production, man. We would be there two hours max. You

wouldn't even know we were there.

Exactly. You won't be there.

Take this. Run this guy down and make sure he doesn't fight.

Yes, ma 'am.

I'm not a young man, you know, and if it was just my financial future at stake,

I wouldn't even ask you, but it's... Bubba, I love you like a brother. Hell,

are my brother. But every time we go down this road together, I end up in the

ditch. No.

Okay, that's it.

No commercial, no name recognition.

Loco Joe's goes belly up. I knew it was too good to last.

Did you hear that?

Shameless. He put every tactic he knows all in one move.

Unbelievable.

You get one drop of salsa on my pool table, I kill you. I love you, Nesper.

no, no, don't do that. They talk about us already.

You know, if you're going to do that much walking, you should have worn some

sensible shoes.

Don't get catty with me, darling. If you do, I'll call your eye, though.

Don't overestimate how far you can get with what you've got.

No, it's worse for you.

You've got everything you need, but no clue how to use it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, girls.

What I need to do is use the restroom.

No, you stay.

I'll go, okay?

I'm pretty sure I can handle this on my own. Yeah.

You have something else in mind.

Could be interesting.

Well, actually, I'm gay.

I don't think so.

Nice try.

Make sure you wash your hands on the way out.

All right, everybody on their marks.

Number one, please.

It's magic time.

Action.

Good,

good.

Everybody keep it gloomy.

Fancy couple passes.

And enter the bone.

Hey, Joe, can I take a hit of the salsa?

Oh, yeah.

You're the señorita.

Party, party, party.

All right, everybody having a good time.

Taking hits on the salsa.

It's, uh... Hey, you told me a few people in black tie you said nothing

mariachis and chickens.

I didn't mention chickens?

No, no, you didn't mention anything about chickens.

Oh, well, uh, Marco's vision just kept growing, you know, and Marco's gonna

his vision if he doesn't get that camera out of my face.

Now... What does a llama have to do with balsa?

It's a metaphor.

Yeah. You wouldn't understand.

I wouldn't understand.

Well, why don't you explain it to me?

Oh, no, no, no, wait, no. Don't explain it to me, because I don't want to know.

Now, come over here. No, no. And try the salsa, okay?

Just try the salsa. Come on, it'll make everything worth it.

Try it. Okay, I try the salsa, everybody leaves, right? Yeah. Perfect.

Let's have that salsa.

my order this time, Harv.

Lunchtime! Hey, did you get the Cajun fries?

Mm -hmm. You did?

Great.

Let's go.

Lunchtime. Did you get my chicken? Relax, you two. I double -checked

Come on, Harv. Hurry up. Lifestyles is on.

Excellent. Let's be civilized for a change, okay? Food over to Robin Leach.

I'll look for plates and actual silverware.

Camera.

Enjoying your stay?

Harvey, how long have you been a cop?

About 18 years.

You pondering a career change?

Hardly.

Look, I don't have time to screw around so I won't. I need to run out this

afternoon for a little airing. You let me split for an hour. I promise I'll

back. Why would I do that?

Because I'll give you a little brown paper bag filled with a little mad

Hmm.

One hour. A hundred grand.

Did the smart move hard?

Can you keep a secret?

I'm not that smart.

A for effort, though, baby.

All right, call Nash. Tell him I'm ready to talk.

Is this overkill?

I would have bet the farm you would have said that, sister.

Look, Milos isn't walking around with his attorney. I'm just supposed to

rendezvous here with him, that's all.

You know he doesn't mean anything to me. Did you see anybody?

You did.

Front door, back door, side fire door, no other way in or out. Michelle, take

the side.

Evan, Harv, take the back.

Joe and I got the front.

Got it. Got it.

All right, sister, I want you to go in there and tell Milos there's a buy set

for the Fairmont Hotel at 11 o 'clock tonight. Can you do that? That's all I

planning to do.

You're on a short lead here, sister.

Just the way I like it.

Are we going to wait out here?

For about ten seconds.

Here she is by the bar.

Which one's the new one?

Well, it ain't the bartender.

Which means she hasn't told us the whole story.

Something new and different.

Right, right.

That'll be a little few days.

Wow.

Got a whole lot of new players here.

That's the plutonium. Come on, let's go.

Come on up. Come on up. Now, leave!

Get down!

Get down!

Get down! Get down!

He's gone.

We've come out of town in a long time. Yeah, maybe you could help me.

Oh,

this is not

good.

Something about leopards and spots, Bubba.

Want to check the citizens?

Yeah, I got them.

Have you ever noticed how much body language can tell you?

I wouldn't say that she's a happy camper. Hey, babe, you heard of Swedish

massage? Hello.

Hello, sir. Explain how that happens at a simple meeting.

There was no meeting.

The whole thing was a bluff, sister.

We got a Pakistani we pulled out of the shootout back there who told us that

Milos has been dead for three weeks, presumably shot by Tamara Van Zandt.

And you believe this Pakistani?

Well, I guess I do, since he and the other Pakistanis were partners with

in the plutonium smuggling.

They all got jacked by Ms. Van Zandt. It's a big club.

They chased her 8 ,000 miles, ripping them off.

They knew all about the meat at the bar. They were just waiting for her to show

up. For a little payback.

But who was the guy with the plutonium here?

The ship captain.

Tamara arranged her own delivery via a Czech Republic freighter that pulled

San Francisco yesterday.

So she was using us.

I'll rest on you.

Okay, so what do you need from me?

Present the immunity deal.

And I'll get your plutonium back.

How are you going to do that?

That's my business.

Well, seeing right now I have nothing, what do I have to lose?

Exactly. You get to keep the world safe, and I get Tamara Van Zandt.

Well, if that's the way it goes down, you've got yourself a deal.

What do we do, boss?

A woman like Tamara Van Zandt doesn't need atomic energy.

She needs cold, hard cash.

And we know the guy that can make that happen for her.

Carl Wamsley.

Precisely. Take the van and set up on it. Our pleasure.

On it.

Good.

Dr. Fong, my man.

Mr. Hallison.

Dr. Hallison.

Oh,

wait a minute.

What's wrong with this picture?

It's on upside down. See, it goes the other way. See, my face, the other way.

I'm sorry, no visitors allowed in the factory. Oh, no, it's okay, Dr. Frost.

This is my familiar from Mexico City.

This is Ernesto, Raul, Olivia, my cousins, my tia Lucia.

You look beautiful.

What are you guys doing here?

Oh, you remember Hilario, don't you, Tio Joe?

You were that tall last time I saw you, man. You're all grown up. How you doing?

Uncle Joe, you are hereby served with a temporary restraining order issued by

the Superior Court of San Francisco demanding the immediate termination of

and all processes involved in the production, shipping, and marketing of

Joe's family -style salsa.

Ernesto, what is he saying?

El Arredito is an attorney now. A familiar attorney.

Oh, your hair.

You're a little thin on top, huh?

Que chupa cabras.

It's the damn Adams family.

I'm unbelievable.

You know I used to send Eladio money to go to school?

I said he wanted to be a dentist, punk.

They're all claiming ownership of the salsa.

Man, I should have never called in until he asked for how much cayenne pepper to

put in.

That's it. I'm changing the baby's name.

Oh, this one's great.

Ernesto's brother said he came up with the idea to chop the tomatoes. Give me a

break. I mean, what salsa has whole tomatoes in it? I mean, you couldn't

get them out of the jar.

Look, Faith, there's no way they have a case.

I mean, this must be going back for generations, man. There's no single

Dominguez that owns it, man.

I'm the one that came up with the idea to market it. I'm the one that's putting

in all the work.

Well, then stand up for yourself. Get your own lawyer.

You know, that's what I'm going to do. I'm putting my foot down. I'm getting a

lawyer, man.

Yeah, show him who's boss.

That's right.

Hey, Ben, nobody walks on local Joe.

Well, no one but him.

Well, easy there, Michelle.

Those are delicate instruments.

Really panning? Camera controls are my department. I am in charge of technical.

Oh, okay. Well, you might want to pan right just a little bit because there's

pole blocking the view. Wait, are you saying I parked in a bad space? Because

I'm in charge of parking.

No, it's a great parking job.

Superb job.

You see, there's a certain way that we do things on stakeout, Michelle. Which

simply the result of a couple of thousand man hours of experience. It

certain amount of savvy, Michelle, if you will, to know exactly where to aim

camera, how much zoom to apply for a proper surveillance.

See, it's the same thing with parking. Selection of sight, angle of attack.

Right. Yeah, it's about a learning experience. You'll get it, don't worry.

Okay. Hey, check it out.

There he goes.

And there's Carl Wamsler's red Cadillac.

Ev, you drive.

Well, it looks like we lost Carl Wamsley.

You have got to be kidding me.

Yo, Nest Man, you see what I see?

I see it, but I don't believe it. Come on back.

Tell her Vant's going to turn himself in. What next, gravity fields?

It's got to happen.

You got five minutes.

Used to take you a lot longer than that, Nash.

That just cost you a minute, sister.

What do you want?

You finally have me where you want me, don't you?

I don't know where you belong.

Nash. Don't.

No games, Nash.

Is that possible with you?

If the plutonium were recovered,

If I were free to go.

Where do we stand?

In the pants?

Tamara, I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.

But you know the cruel thing about life?

It has this way of twisting what was meant to be.

Into what is.

And you and I are about as far apart as we can get.

I've changed.

No, you haven't.

Nash, customs this year.

What about the plutonium, Tamara?

I'd say, don't worry.

I think what Agent Reynolds meant to say was, where is it?

Let's talk about my deal first.

My offer's to Stan.

You bring me the plutonium and I'll see that your warrants are dismissed.

Not good enough.

Told you.

She wants the villa and central pay and an interview with Robin Leach. Actually,

it's simpler than that.

What? I want immunity on this case, too.

Protection from any and all charges connected to the plutonium.

I want to walk away from this a free woman, that's all.

You want the plutonium?

Those are the charges.

I'll have to make a call.

You want to stop her?

It's Agent Reynolds.

I can do any good.

Don't be so disappointed, Nash. I mean, there's nothing wrong with almost

everybody getting what they want.

Got it.

Thanks.

You got your deal.

Now take us to Plutonium.

My pleasure.

Toodle -oo, Nash.

Uh -huh.

Well, good for you.

Yeah.

Okay, bye.

That was Reynolds.

They recovered the plutonium and processed in Tamara's paperwork.

An hour from now, she'll be on the street, free and clear.

Yeah, well, dude, it's over, so put it out of your mind.

I can't.

Well, pretend to put it out of your mind, then.

I can't make any sense of it.

Hey, man, it's love. There is no sense to it.

No, I mean, why did she decide to turn over the plutonium now?

She had two options, man. She could split with the stuff and be a fugitive

we caught her, or she could turn it in and be free, you know?

I mean, she tried life on the run, so obviously freedom sounded better.

But if she was going to turn it in, why would she ditch us at the bar?

I mean...

Why the big game of hide and seek?

So much for putting it out of your mind.

She could have turned over that plutonium to Reynolds in the beginning.

She could have come to me in the beginning.

So she took her a little while to figure out what her best option was. I mean,

whatever you said to her, apparently it had its effect.

Unless she figured out a third option.

We actually found a cell phone that Tamara rented from a cellular shop right

down the street from her hotel.

Excellent work. Thank you very much.

Joe, look at this.

Two, three, four, five, eight calls to the GB bar.

She was friendly with the bartender.

Exactly.

He's the one that pointed out the ship captain, huh?

Yeah.

Harv, I'm going to need to know how much plutonium the feds recovered.

Calling now.

Janet Reynolds, please.

Janet, Harvey Leak at the SIU. What was the total tank on the plutonium that you

recovered from Tamara Van Zandt?

Thanks a lot.

3 .8 kilos.

Wake up, worried boy.

That plutonium that was sent over on the ship, how much did Tamara Van Zandt

have?

Almost 8 kilograms.

Thank you.

That means she's still got 4 .2 kilos.

What's that worth, a couple mil?

She gets away with the freedom and her money?

Well, she ain't gone, so we're still in the game.

Hi, Scotty.

Got my package and maybe some Cristal?

Got a bottle or two back there, don't you?

Tamara Van Zandt.

What a coincidence.

Buy you a drink?

No, thanks.

You know, you always surprise me.

Girl's gotta keep it, I guess.

Well, you won't be needing this anymore.

I'll just take it back to H. Reynolds with your best wishes.

Don't worry.

We'll see each other again.

You can't help yourself.

You know what?

Neither can I.

What we're talking about is a base participation of 4 % for each family

with a 1 % per annum increase, 9 % cut.

Agreed. Provided each family member assumes a 3 .5 % liability against the

startup, and Joe here retains sole rights to the ancillary markets,

the movie and book rights for the local Joe's Balsam store.

On that basis, I'm prepared to call it a deal.

We're satisfied.

Close.

Okay, baby, with all the various shares and disbursements, employees, stocks,

and profit participation, you now own a grand total of... 1

% of your company?

Uno percento?

Alto.

Oh, why, National, why?

Well, loco, I guess some things just weren't meant to be.

This is Joe's commercial.

There was nothing wrong with this plan. I had everything thought out.

I know, I know. Come on, we'll watch a commercial, we'll eat some chips, and

also it'll be great. Come on.

It's like catching a little bit of Mexico in the city next to La Bahia.