Original subtitles

Wow, Kay, you're so lucky to have an office up here. You get to see so much

FYI.

Oh, yes, you can see London, you can see France, you can see Corky.

All right, now, before she gets here, I want to have a meeting about what to get

for Murphy's birthday. Come on, time's running out.

Oh, no, there's no need to work ourselves into a frenzy over Murphy's

Maybe she just wants it to pass quietly.

Well, it's possible.

Jim, we're talking about Murphy here.

Well, even if she does want it to pass quietly, I don't think we should leave

Murphy alone on her birthday.

I know I don't want to be alone when I turn 50.

When I turn 50, I'm 37.

Okay, I took a shot.

Murphy's birthday is right around the corner and there's some dissension as to

how we should celebrate.

I forget. What do we do for you when you turn 50?

I am not 50.

Oh, yes, you are. You and Murphy are the same age. No, we're not.

Frank, let it go.

These people have an unnatural obsession with correct age.

Hi, everybody.

Is this a great day or what?

Murphy, what are you... What are you doing here? Isn't today your day for

It was.

Did you see what I did there? I used the past tense, was.

Does that mean you're actually done with chemotherapy?

I am.

Did you see what I did there? I used the present tense, am.

Yep.

This morning I hit the snooze button four times, then I went down and

ate the top off of Sarah Lee coffee cake, drove Avery to school, and then I

the time to gossip with the other mothers in the school parking lot.

One of the moms, Jeannie Hubble, felt that a bow in my hair would soften my

features. She was wearing a robe and coolers, so apparently she knows.

I didn't know that you finished chemo. Yeah, you know, I got used to the

I got used to the exhaustion, but I never got used to the music in the

area. What was Beverly Sills thinking when she recorded Ticket to Ride?

This is a great time for you, sis.

Finishing chemo, having a birthday.

Yep. Come Sunday, Hawaii won't be the only thing that's 5 -0.

You have to give us some hints.

No, you don't need any hints. I love the pearls you gave me last year.

Except it was a silver necklace.

Oh, yeah. Next time, don't get anything engraved. It makes it much harder to

return. I had to speak to the manager. It's not the best use of my time. Just

tell us what you want.

You know what? I don't want anything.

Finishing chemo was the best present of all. Wonderful.

So nice.

So Murphy Brown doesn't want a birthday present.

Now, if you believe that, I really am 37.

Hello. Hi, Murphy Brown, and you must be my new secretary.

Good morning. I'm Kathy Eagle.

Very nice to meet you.

I so want to do a bang -up job for you here at...

It's... The name of our show is F... Of course.

It was right on the tip of my tongue. First day at work jitters, I guess.

F is my favorite show.

I've never missed an episode of F.

No, Kathleen, the whole name is FYI.

The whole name of what?

The current place of business.

Here, let me write it down.

Thank you. F -Y -I. F -Y -I. F -Y -I. I got it.

Good morning, Alcoa Aluminum.

Mrs. Waller's office.

Hello? Hello?

Hung up?

I'm in an exceptionally good mood today, so I'm going to help you out.

My name is Murphy Brown. That's all you need to know.

Yes, good morning. I'm Kathleen Dubat. So very nice to meet you.

And this place is FYI.

Right. Yes.

And you would be?

Listen to me. My name is Murphy Brown.

Brown. That's an easy name. The desk is brown. Your sweater is brown.

Brown. All you have to do is just say that. Brown. Not hello. Not FYI. Just

brown. Got it? Brown.

See, it's easy. Okay. Brown. Brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown,

It's with me for life.

Mrs. Waller's office.

I'm sorry. There is no one here by that name.

Kathleen? Yes?

Go to personnel.

What? You're far too valuable a member of the Alcoa family to squander your

talents here answering my phone. I'm going to recommend you for a job in

management.

Oh, Mrs.

Waller, I will never forget you.

How did that steel trap mind of yours?

Oh, Mrs.

Waller, I will never forget you.

Go.

Well, good morning, Mr. Tutwiler. Back from Spain, I see.

Okay.

Hey, Murph, your news about Timo was great. I'm so happy for you. I just wish

you would have told me you'd finished.

I'm sorry, Frank. I just wanted to keep one detail of my life private. My

mechanic wants me to see his nutritionist. Planet Hollywood wants me

autograph one of my wigs. And in Seattle somewhere, there's a band called

Murphy's Breast.

I understand.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Congratulations.

Any indication as to what she wants? And how much is it going to cost me?

Oh, God. Once you turn 40, I have to cash in an IRA.

She didn't say.

Oh, boy.

Come in.

Hello.

Remember me?

Yes.

I don't know how to put this.

First of all, thank you for the recommendation.

I got the...

Okay. Unfortunately, we've been evaluating your performance here at

Well, this is so hard for me.

Leave your resignation on my desk.

You do know where my desk is, don't you?

Do you?

Do I what?

Playing this awfully close to the vest.

You've got something great for Murphy. You're going to make us all look bad.

Frank Fontana, you got Murphy a present, didn't you?

Well, not exactly a present.

Oh, please, let me put my name on it, whatever it is. What have you got up

sleeve? I'll tell you what, you cannot say a word. I swore on that spider

that used to play Scrabble with my mom. Little yo -yo, God rest his soul.

All right.

It's Saturday night.

Keep it open.

That's not all I'm saying.

That's not all I'm saying.

I found a big surprise for Murphy on the FYI set. It's going to be huge.

That's great. How are you going to get Murphy there? I'm going to call her from

my office at around 4 .30 and tell her that I have an emergency, that I can't

find my research. She's got to meet me there, and I'm going to really play it

out. Breaking voice. Oh, Murphy, please.

Great.

So what should we wear?

Instructions and wardrobe will be delivered to your homes at 4 o 'clock on

Saturday. Be ready to party.

At five.

Costumes? This is a renaissance fair, Frank. I'll never forgive you.

Guys, I'm sorry I missed lunch. I was in editing with Lloyd.

Wait, five minutes in his presence and I'm sound asleep.

He's like Halcyon in a members -only jacket.

Ready to stay while you eat? No, that's okay. I ordered some takeout. I'll see

you back at the office. Okay.

Frank, do you want to stay and keep me company?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Um... Frank, I'm sorry for not telling you about the end of my chemo.

I don't know. I'd say it's probably just been a rough week. I mean, you don't

get dumped every day.

Elizabeth? I know you've heard this before, but I honestly thought she was

one. Yes, Frank, I didn't know you were that serious.

We talked about marriage.

Marriage? You don't almost marry someone and not tell them. I didn't want to

bother you with it, but I'll tell you one thing. This whole dating thing...

Deal me out.

Oh, you're retiring from dating, Frank?

Chasing unattainable women is your only hobby, and you're good at it.

Maybe there's just nobody out there for me.

Yeah, well, the dating pool in Washington is a little shallow.

At our age, it's just you, me, and Barney Frank.

You know something?

One time, I'd like to go out on a first date and not have to tell my whole life

story.

Actually, you know, I really don't mind telling my life story. It's just I

really don't want to listen to theirs.

Everybody thinks their history is so fascinating when really only mine is.

You know what? I already know yours. Yeah, and I know yours.

You know what?

If this were a first date, the hard part would be over with already.

Yeah, I wish dating were as easy as hanging out with you.

You know what? Maybe, um...

Maybe you and I should go out on a date.

Yeah, maybe we should.

You're kidding, right?

Of course I'm kidding.

But, you know, if it were a date, what kind of date would it be?

Would it be like a date -date, you know, where you pay? Because we go out all

the time, and sometimes you pay and sometimes I pay. But if it were a date,

would definitely be paying.

You never pay.

It was Frank.

Whoa. Yeah.

Whoa.

Okay. So we're going out on a date. Okay.

Saturday night. Date night. Yep.

No. No.

Saturday night. Geez, that's no good. No. No. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine.

night will be fine. You and me. A date.

Saturday. Yeah. Well, pick me up at 8 o 'clock then.

No, 8 o 'clock, that'll be too late. I'll tell you what.

I'll pick you up at 5. 5 o 'clock, we'll have dinner.

Dinner at 5 o 'clock? Are you nuts?

No, no.

We have to eat earlier. What if we want to go swimming later?

Swimming? What are you talking about? Look, it's our first date. Anything can

happen.

take me to a fancier place than Phil's, Frank.

This is our place.

You were supposed to spend money on me. I want something special.

What could be more special than not a table, but a booth at

Phil's? Look at this. I reserved it.

How tough was that?

Come on, now make yourself comfortable.

So, well,

Murphy and Frank on a date.

A date.

Hi. Hi.

You know, Frank, you date more than I do. What do you normally talk about on a

first date?

Well, you know, first off, I would probably sit next to the young lady.

Oh, well, okay.

This hurts my neck. Yeah, mine too.

This will be fine.

Right,

so what's the next thing, dating -wise?

Well, let's see, then I would probably talk about my achievements, my sports

car, my Humboldt.

Then I'd be an interest in her life.

And that works? Not even once.

This isn't so bad, is it? No, it's nice.

It's funny, Frank. You know, we've known each other forever, but I was a little

nervous about tonight.

You nervous?

Oh, jeez, Murph, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

Why did we wait so long to do this?

I don't know.

You know, I never get used to how pretty you are.

Oh, my.

Am I boring you, Frank? No, no, no, no, no, no. I just noticed the time. I

wanted to remember what time it was when I first held your hand.

Excuse me for just a sec.

Hello?

Oh.

Okay.

Wrong number.

Where were we?

We've got to go.

Sit down, Frank.

Oh, I get it.

The phone call.

A better offer came up. You know, my eighth grade health teacher was right,

Frank. I was a fool to let you hold my hand this early on a date. Please, I'm

enjoying being here with you. There is no place I'd rather be. Come on, let's

go. Why don't you just explain it, Frank? This was a bad idea. Look, I can

explain. This has been a blast tonight. This has been the greatest night of my

life. Come on, let's get out of here.

Okay, we'll go.

You guys, let's get to the office first.

What? Look, you know, I locked myself out of my house, and I've got an extra

of keys up in the office. Just take them home.

Just get your damn car keys, Frank, then shoot me and put me out of my misery.

And what are we doing on the set of FYI?

Murphy Brown, welcome to the 50s.

Oh, my God.

Here's the party doll.

Hi, Dick. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Murphy Brown, doing high, class of none of your business.

Having a good time? Oh, yeah, you bet.

We have a lot of surprises for you tonight.

A lot of surprises. First of all, I want to introduce you to a young man who

created a dance grace that swept the country. His record went right to the

of the charts, not once, but twice.

Here's Chubby Checker. Oh, my God!

has it that you're the best twist in the land. Let's see what you got.

Well,

it's only fitting that this next young lady should be with us because her

signature song became an anthem for a whole generation of women who could...

really make up their own minds. Please greet Miss Leslie Gore.

I had known when I recorded this

song that I would be singing it every weekend for the rest of my life.

Even so, I wouldn't have missed Tonight for the World. Thanks for coming.

Yes, I've always been hot for her.

There's just no other way to say it, slugger.

How are you having a good time? Oh, gosh, Dick, this is so great. I mean,

Clark, Leslie Gore.

The only person missing is Fabian. Do you think he'd miss your birthday? Oh,

God.

All right.

Happy birthday.

You know, I'm from Philadelphia, too.

Take a deep breath.

That's good.

That helps.

Murph, may I sing for you?

And now, a trip back to 1959.

So turn it up.

I've got some change in my body.

Turn it up.

Taking some chicken to the because of me.

you're going to top this when I turn 51.

But you did all this for me. It's just unbelievable.

You kind of know that. Not that I wasn't enjoying the date, but I had to get you

out of there. I mean, Fagin gets very cranky after 10.

So, uh, what do you think, Cherie?

Try this dating thing again?

No.

This idea would never work out. We know way too much about each other. That's

right. I know that when you listen to a theme from a summer play, Percy Faye

version, it makes you cry.

But I know that you cried today, Carl. You were trying to be left baseball.

Yeah, and I know that you read Bridges of Madison County in hardback. Yeah,

well, I know you listened to it on tape.

All right, let's put things down a little bit here and have a spotlight

with our birthday girl and a partner of her choice.

Yeah, we've been through it all together.

And now even a bad date.

Oh, that wasn't a bad date.

I've been on worse dates.

Well, you know, Frank, that's one of the nicest things you ever said to me.

You know, boyfriends are a dime a dozen.

Best friends come along once in a lifetime.

We're still best friends, Frank.

Right.

Happy birthday, old man.